Paradise Palace
by Noeme
Summary: Carla Gordon is an abused woman in 1920's high society who forced to go back to her husband Tony for the sake of appearances. She meets Liam one of her husbands business partners/ investors and they begin a dangerous affair. *Warning some violence as well as topics of abuse* *This wonderful book cover was done by the amazing "LongLiveLiarla". Thank you for letting me use it!*
1. Chapter 1

**Paradise Palace-June 1920**

It is just before dawn when the car makes its way down through the familiar gates and down the long path to the country estate…the palace they like call it, Paradise Palace. But Carla Gordon thinks it's rather suited as a prison over anything else.

The driver stops at the front of the house, it was a "Vanderbilt house", it used to be neo-classical but Antony insisted it he wanted to present himself and his family as a little more modern and cater to American sensibilities. He so badly wanted American investments. Carla is taken aback because she had been holed up in London for nearly four months and the changes to the Estate are remarkable.

Her driver gets out quickly and opens the door, "Here you are Mrs. Gordon."

"Thank you Edson. You'll collect my bags I hope."

"Yes Miss right away."

It is raining and her driver opens up her umbrella shielding her from the down pour making sure her Coco Chanel coat doesn't get wet. Once she got to up the steps all the house staff was waiting for her and greeted her with great formality.

"Mrs. Gordon, we weren't sure when to be expecting you. We certainly weren't expecting until the day after tomorrow," said the housekeeper Libby.

"My husband sent a telegram, told me I had to come back today." Carla stared at her housekeeper with hollow eyes. She did not want to give any more information away. The help had a knack for scandalous gossip. Carla knew without a doubt that the horrendous state of her marriage had spread around the country like wild fire as it had in the London high society.

"Shall I leave the bags here Mrs. Gordon?" asked Edson the driver.

Carla spun around looking at him with her piercing green eyes, "Yes, and put them down gently Edson you won't want to wake the whole house. Someone will be along sure enough to take them to the drawing room."

"Yes of course Mrs. Gordon."

"Where is my husband Libby?" Carla asked her housekeeper a plump old woman with gray hair. She began to sweep through the grand hall, as though she was walking on clouds. Carla had a way of making things always look so easy, ever since she was a little girl her parents expected nothing else less then her effortless perfection. She glided through the main hallway with its marble floors and many tapestries. The servants were bustling past her polishing candle stands and carrying various items to other destinations of the house.

"He's in the study ma'am."

"At this hour?"

"You know your husband Mrs. Gordon. He's been very stressed with the practice and then there are the business ventures. He needs more backing and his father won't foot the bill this time."

"I thought it fell through with the Americans?"

"Oh it did ma'am but he found somebody else much more suitable, if you ask me."

"I didn't ask."

Libby looked visibly stunned before continuing, "They're the old Connor family. Had a few ancestors who were Barons or baronets can't remember. Anyways they are coming today the two shipping heirs, brothers Paul and Liam."

"Hmmm," said Carla. It all made sense now. The only reason Tony asked her back at the Country home was so he could use her in his games to secure more money and investments. She had heard rumors of her husband looking into investing in businesses while she was in London. He hadn't bothered to tell her the news himself in the countless letters he wrote begging her to come home. He always kept things secret; Carla wished he would just focus on his practice. He was the heir by birth to a great diamond fortune but a doctor by trade. She pushes open the big oak doors to his study and he looks up at her immediately.

"You're back and so early, didn't think you had it in you to make the journey." Tony looks at Carla with a sneer enveloping his normally handsome features.

"Yes," says Carla stiffly.

Like she had a choice in the manner. Her parents made it perfectly clear she had outstayed her welcome at there townhouse in the city. Her mother practically made it seem like Carla's presence was ruining her faux salons and her father lectured her on duty and sensibilities required of a lady of her standing. Her parents would not have her ruin the family name and create scandal across the London society. No one cared how Carla felt, or that wanted out. She held all these thoughts in here mind like she usually did, biting down on her tongue and drawing blood. He wouldn't even offer her a seat like a proper gentleman.

"So you decided to finally give up your little games, get your priorities straight, come to your senses?'

"Yes Tony." Carla tries not to make eye contact with her husband. She knows immediately that she has already messed up. He will only have perfection and nothing else.

"You know I don't like it when you call me that Carla." His voice was in a deadly whisper.

Carla stiffened her body immediately, she felt like a child around him more then she ever had a wife.

"Yes Antony."

"Good. Do you like what I've down with the place? The outside my architect tells me it gives the place more of a modern look. And I'll have the designer in here soon enough to liven things up."

"I thought the servants were just tidying up for the visitors today, the Connor brothers?"

"Oh that, yes they are. But I have them packing some of our stuff to. I don't want the designer to think the estate is too cluttered. Speaking of the Connors, everything must be perfect today. I don't want any scenes Carla. If we're going to make this work you have to conduct yourself in a fashion befitting your station. I don't need you spending another five months away from me again. And besides there's Giulia to consider."

Giulia was there daughter of nine years aged. She was the splitting image of Carla, although she had her fathers temper. When Tony had last hurt her, she packed her bags and that of their daughters. But Tony had made it clear that Giulia was not going to be going anywhere with her mother. Tony didn't even particularly seem to care for his daughter; he only viewed her as pawn to be used in his game against Carla. Sure he could be affectionate, but that was on rear occasions. He never really made time for her outside of the time the servants brought her forth from the nursery in the mornings.

"I care about Giulia very much Anthony you know that."

"Frankly I couldn't really care what you care about darling. But it will make for a useful case against you, should you ever decide to pull any more that crap you did five months ago. I know for a fact the lawyers in that petition for the divorce you so courageously filed would be interested to hear all about it.. Do I make myself clear?"

Tony had removed himself from the comfort of his chair and walk towards Carla. She flinched as she saw him coming forward praying he would not hit her again. She had to be prepared if he decided to punch her in the side of her head, and try and keep her balance. He seemed to hit her even when she did nothing wrong, instead he grabs for her arm lightly at first.

"Do you understand? Tony whispers in her air, his voice tyrannical. When Carla tries to step away he grips her elbow and drags her in to him. She is caught in her husbands grasp, his fingernails like talons, he wants to leave his mark.

God she thinks, as she smells the faint scent of cognac on his breath, please don't hurt me already. I just came back please don't bruise me…

"Antony please, it hurts. You've been drinking; you wouldn't be saying this if you hadn't been drinking. Oh it hurts."

"Say you understand and it won't hurt go on say it. You know I don't like games. If you just behaved then we wouldn't have these problems, I wouldn't have to drink."

"I understand Antony I understand," Carla is close to tears. Tony wears the most triumph face imaginable.

"Well that was easy wasn't it? I really don't why you always have to make it so difficult, its like pulling teeth." Tony's eyes are illuminated and he gives out a final smirk before adding, "Take off that dreadful Coco Chanel coat and have bath, you smell like the city stench."

"Yes Antony," Carla says slowly backing out of the room facing him. She does not want to risk the very real chance that her husband may have the urge just to throw something at her backside just for the shear joy of it. He has done it before, and it has drawn blood. Bowing her way out, she quickly closes the door and races for freedom past the servants up the grand staircase. She feels almost like a child, if she survived this perhaps he would settle down and she could survive the other stuff to. Of course Carla is also angry at herself for not having more courage, but then she hears the rustling of a child coming from the nursery as the servants bid her morning and she thinks perhaps the time for courage will have to wait. The courage she had shown five months ago had gotten her nowhere. She only felt more alone then ever and her parents made it perfectly clear she would not be permitted a divorce. Right now all she wants to do is hold her daughter, her only reason for being here, and she can now because Giulia has risen.


	2. Chapter 2

Carla stood in the doorway of her daughter's nursery. The nanny was chiding the child for misbehaving and Giulia was pouting with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Come off of the bed at once Miss Giulia! Do you want me to tell your father that you have been acting unkind this morning?"

"No," said Giulia.

"Well then come off this bed at once."

The little girl stood her ground and Carla couldn't help but feel a bit proud. Her daughter wasn't as compliant as she was. Slowly Carla steps into the room opening the door crack and revealing her presence.

"Mother!" The little girls eyes lit up at once and she jump off her bed pushing her nanny aside and running into her mothers welcoming arms. Carla scooped her daughter up at once and held her tight. She would never leave her alone again.

"My own darling!" Carla replied. "Have you been a good little girl while mummy was away?" Carla kissed her daughters forehead lovingly.

"Yes mummy I have. I've been learning the piano and papa says I have to go to church every morning at the chapel and I go even though I don't like to."

"Well isn't that very kind of you," said Carla. "You must always go to church and say your prayers and be a good Catholic girl."

"Yes mother I am very good," Giulia gave Carla a mischievous smile and indicated she wanted to be put down. "Papa says I've got to learn the piano so I can play for him at his nice summer parties. But I hate piano playing I am absolutely no good at it. But when I tell papa he tells me to pray to St. Cecilia, the patron saint of music. I've been praying for months and months and still I so am horrible."

"Patience little one. God gives gifts to those who wait. And besides you could never be horrible at anything. Now shall we get you ready for a bath?"

"Yes please Mama."

"Then I shall give you one, how does that sound?"

"Good mummy."

"Mrs. Gordon," interrupted the nanny. "Mr. Gordon has made it clear that I am to bathe the child, he doesn't want your interference."

Carla stared at the Nanny with her sharp green eyes. Must Tony Control everything?

"I think I am perfectly capable of giving my own child a bath."

The servant gave Carla a smirk. Who did she think she was? Did she think that just because Carla was rich and high born that she didn't know how to take care of anything or anyone? Carla didn't ask for her position in life, she often found the constant interference of servants drawing her baths and brushing her hair to be unbearable. She never had a moment to breath and thought she was trapped. This place, this palace as everyone called it was a prison.

"I don't doubt that Mrs. Gordon, but I am under the strict command of Mr. Gordon. I must take care of the child's essential needs. I haven't a problem if you wish to bathe her, but I fear the consequences from sir if he finds out I have been making exceptions."

In other words she would face the wrath of Tony, Carla understood this completely. She let out a great sigh in frustration and brought her fingers to her temple. She closed her eyes composing herself. Tony had to fight her on every front and remind her that he was in control, that he decided everything.

"Very well," Carla said curtly. "Take the child and give her a bath." She turned around swiftly her legs barely caring her down the hall past another banister, more paintings and tapestries until she ended up at her bedroom door. She threw it open, her eyes looking around the room in contempt and then in desperation. She collapsed into the nearest chaise lounge.

She was shaking uncontrollably she noticed, and her hands had a bit of a tremor. Not again Carla thought, why was this happening now. She tries to contain herself and steady her breathing; maybe it will go away, the doctor in London told her it would if she paced herself. Still she was convulsing and in a matter of seconds she reached for the cameo necklace on her neck. She pulled and pulled at it with such force tearing it from her neck and flinging it on the floor. She was overcome with fear, what if Tony discovered her in this state? What if the servants talked? She would have to muffle her crying some how. Quickly Carla makes her way into the master bathroom and shuts the door locking it. She turns on the knobs of the tub and watches as the water flows out, if only it could drown her. Tony wished that she take a bath, so Carla removes all her garments and drapes them over a near by vanity chair.

She is crying unable to steady her self now and grips the side of the tub with all her strength, climbing in carefully. She knows it is all no use, no matter how much she wants to be clean she never will be. She is tainted, Tony made sure of that a long time ago. His weapons of depravity had conceived Giulia all those years ago. How sick was he that he now had to isolate her from her own daughter, the only good thing to come of this marriage. When would he be satisfied? Carla looks up at the ceiling her expression vacant and despondent. She cries more freely now, it is safe to do so; the sound of water filling the tub shields her sobs.


	3. Chapter 3

They stood in the drawing room, the housekeeper had let them in and made sure they were settled. It was mid afternoon and Paul and Liam Connor had just made the two hour drive from town into the country side to meet there potential business partner Antony Gordon.

"I suppose it's nice, although one could hardly call it a palace." Paul told his brother Liam his blue eyes surveying the paintings in the drawing room impassively. "Until it has a few Botticelli's hanging in every room I would hardly call it an estate."

Liam Connor gave his older brother and exasperated look and leaned against the fireplace mantle. It was made completely of marble.

"You say that about every place that isn't ours. Could you get anymore predictable?"

Paul pulled out a cigar from his cigar holder and slid it into his mouth lighting it. He took a few puffs before replying, "We have _many_ places brother, and don't be a poor sport. You full well that anyone who isn't us isn't worth a thought. And it's true everything I said, do you see a single Botticelli in this room?"

"You know I don't. And never mind that, he is running late. We have been waiting half an hour already."

"These Nouvelle sorts they don't know thing about decent etiquette. Father always says they try to hard to make up for it with the estates and the trinkets and what have you." Paul now talking on and on nonsensically.

"His father mines diamonds you know."

"Exactly we are more than a bunch of diamonds we are old aristocracy practically."

Just then Tony Gordon entered the room. He was a domineering man, who could be rather handsome if he wasn't always wearing a haughty expression on his face. He moved with great determination extending out his hand to Liam and a rising Paul.

"Mr. Connor and Mr. Connor, how good of you to come."

"It was no worries really, it worked out perfectly for us as already had a scheduled breakfast with our sister in town."

"Well that's good. Did my servants offer you any refreshments?"

"No," said Paul.

"But were fine," added Liam. "If you don't mind we'd like to get straight to business."

"Yes, yes of course. Do have a seat."

The three men had a seat. Tony poured himself a glass of cognac and Paul continued to puff away at his cigar.

"My father tells me well us," Liam makes a hand gesture at his brother, "That you are interested in the shipping industry. My Father makes many ships, a lot stream liners and a lot for the royal navy."

"Indeed. I am looking to establish myself outside my own father, make a name for myself outside his diamond minds in the Congo and Gold in South America. I'd be very interested in investing and getting a feel for the shipping industry before I branch out on my own. It must be very different from Diamonds."

"Yes well the logistics of it…"

Just then the door to the drawing room opened and a tall woman with beautiful black hair, green eyes and olive skin came gliding in. She looks like she is walking on water because she does it so effortlessly. She is wearing a beautiful white cotton country dress. Her hair is tied back in a butterfly comb sticking out at the side. Liam is speechless; she is the most beautiful woman he has seen in a long time. He can't keep his eyes off of her. Even his brother Paul who has been acting impassively to the whole business thing is caught off guard.

"The logistics of…"

Oh it was hopeless he wouldn't be able to pull together a sentence now even if he wanted to. Tony looked mildly perplexed, before he turned his head and noticed the women behind him. He got up immediately and took her hand bringing her forward.

"Darling if you took any longer one would have started to think you weren't coming," Tony tells the woman. She stares straight ahead almost like Tony does not exist to her. But Tony doesn't seem to notice her impassive nature and smiles broadly at his guests. "Gentlemen may I introduce my lovely wife Caroline."

The lady extends out her long fingers and Liam thinks they are rather elegant. He rises quickly and for some reason he has a tingling feeling in his stomach. He is usually so confident around woman, what was wrong with him why was he behaving like a blundering idiot? He stands there transfixed in her beauty her long eyelashes blinking at him with uncertainty. Paul is gloating at him and extends his hand out to accept hers.

"Pardon my brother, you'd think he'd never seen a lady before the way he's acting. My name is Paul Bartholomew Connor."

She nods her head and gives out a demure smile; Liam admires her aquiline jaw line, the loveliness of her neck. She looks like a swan, or something beautiful of that sort. She turns her attention back to Liam. Her husband Tony looks at her with an expression that is one of possession.

"You have a lovely name Mrs. Gordon. Caroline was my grand mothers name. It is nice to meet you. My name is Liam Barrington Connor." Liam feels lightheaded as he extends his hand towards her. There fingers in brief contact for a moment, hers are so elegantly long. He feels a surge of energy in that moment, a need to grasp onto them.

"Nice to meet you as well sir."

"Caroline prefers it when people call her Carla," says Tony.

"It's a habit from childhood," adds the woman curtly. She slides her remaining arm free of her husbands grasp. "You can call me as you like," she says looking at Liam. They are holding each other's eyes for what seems an eternity.

"I think we'll call you Carla, won't we Paul."

"Yes, yes of course whatever the lady likes. She could be called Venus if I didn't know any better," says Paul.

"You flatter me too much sir."

Tony sits down once more and Paul joins him. Liam stands still transfixed on the woman called Carla.

"Are you sitting miss?" Liam asks her.

"No sir I just came in to say hello and get acquainted with you both. I have some business in the garden to attend to."

"You leave us so soon?" said Paul.

"Business is no place for a lady," Tony says. "She loves to tend to her roses this one." He gives her a smile, which she does not return.

"Well goodbye."

Carla turns and leaves gliding out the doors. They have a few more minutes of business talk but Liam can't take it anymore. He cannot focus and he is greedy he wants to see her again. He makes an excuse to go use the bathroom before excusing himself. He does not know what he'll do but the plan seems crazy to just search her out in this grand house. Then Liam remembers she said she would be in the gardens. He ducks outside past the bustling help and starts walking along a long stretch of property until he sees her, set up in a big field with an easel and canvas. She is sitting and painting a bunch of flower arrangements the servants have set out for her in vases and pots.

He is nervous and doesn't know why he is doing it, but he walks towards her with each step his heart is beating faster until he is behind her chair. He wants to reach out and touch her beautiful raven black hair, which is now draped under a sun hat.

"That's a beautiful painting."

Carla jumps almost immediately turning around she looks at him. At first her green eyes are full of fear and then confusion. She had almost dropped her Palette.

"Sir you gave me a fright."

"I didn't know you painted." Liam felt foolish as soon as he had said it.

"How could you? We only just met." She turned her back to him to give the message she was annoyed and that he was somehow disturbing her.

"You seemed sad in there, I thought I'd check and see if you were okay."

Carla turned around once more, this time raised eyebrows. "Really? Are sure that is why you came out here sir?"

She knew his game, damn Liam thought. But he wouldn't give up that easily.

"Yes it is actually."

"Well even if that were truly the case sir, I don't think my husband would like it very much. That is your presence out here when you are supposed to be in there."

"But what about you? Would you like it?"

"Like what?" She was clearly flustered but tried to make her voice appear to be strong and willful.

"Like it for me to check up on you from time to time?" Liam gently touches the back of her neck his reach and distance extending to her nape.

She is clearly aroused by this as her breathing becomes shallow. Then slowly she takes her elegant fingers and grasps his pushing them away from her. It seems difficult for her to do and she does so with hesitation. Getting up, she places her Palette on the table with the flowers. Then she turns to face him, her face is red from blushing.

"If that is what you mean by _checking up_, then no I would not like it."

She moves to brush past him and Liam cannot help himself, he grabs her arm pulling her close to him. He is surprised at his own determinedness and she seems alarmed. She does not look at him as he slowly lowers his head and whispers in her ear.

"Such a shame then that I don't believe you." His old cocky self has returned.

"Believe it," Carla removes her arm from his grip and heads back towards the Palace before she stops half way and swings around. "Also you better believe that if you ever touch me like that again my husband will hear about it."

"I doubt it," Liam shouts after her.

"Why's that?"

"Because you liked it almost as much as I did and we barely even know each other."

A faint smile appears in her eyes as she backs away from him. "Whatever floats your boat, or maybe it's your fathers boats."

"If that was an attempt at a joke it was a horrible one Miss," Liam is now grinning.

"I'm leaving now, stop talking to me." She turns again and runs to house her playfulness vanished as quickly as it came.

Liam doesn't care what she thinks; he is going to have her.


	4. Chapter 4

Carla ran through the front doors past the servants and up the grand staircase. Once she arrived in the safety of the master bedroom, she shut the door and drew her back against it. Her heart was beating very quickly and she could not blame it on the running. That Connor man was extremely handsome. She had thought so the moment she had met him, but he was incredibly cocky. Handsome men often were, and he had the nerve to make an advance on her in her own home under the nose of her husband. He may be from the aristocracy but he didn't have any tact of a gentlemen. But if she was so disgusted by his behavior, why was she practically blushing like a schoolgirl? And why did she want to see him again. Slowly she raises her hand to her neck briefly retracing the path he had made with her own fingers. They were surprisingly rugged and manly hands, showing he had worked an honest days work.

One of the servants a girl named Mary was knocking on the door.

"Miss, the Connor men are leaving and your husband would like for you to come and see them off and say your goodbyes."

Franticly Carla opens the door alarming the servant.

"Are you alright Miss, you look a little light headed."

"It's the heat, I've been very hot today. Tell Antony I will be done shortly."

The servant walked away and Carla closed the door rushing over to her dresser, she picked up her perfume and sprayed a few doses. She undid her hair and it fell elegantly down past her shoulders. She reached for her lipstick and dabbed it on gently. Quickly she changed into another summer dress and give herself one last look in the full mirror. She was pleased.

As she ascended to the top of the stairs the three men where standing at the bottom talking something or the other to do with politics or a party.

"So sorry Antony, to keep you waiting as I have." She glides down the stairs her eyes transfixed on the two brothers and her husband and their eyes fixed upon her.

"You changed your summer dress I see?" Tony said immediately. He gave an approving look for once.

"Yes the other one made me perspire dear. Not vey lady like."

"Isn't it natural for a lady to perspire?" Liam said coyly.

"I suppose it is sir, but I am not like most ladies." They were staring at each other again. Tony takes her hand delicately into his own showing her off to the two men like she is a prize. It is working because Liam seems particularly envious.

"That you are not," his eyes slowly move up on down her body. "I guess you could always blame the heat." He gives her a brief smirk, indicating a private joke before turning to his brother.

"Your husband was just telling us before you came, he was thinking of holding a little summer soirée on the weekend. He'll get the best Jazz bands money can find. He wagered with us he can do Jazz better than the Americans. We are inclined to take him up on the offer," Paul told Carla.

"Oh that sounds delightful Antony likes American things."

"Yes he was telling us, he has been to New York a few times been bumping heels with those bloody Astor's slumming it at the Waldorf Hotel."

"I would hardly call it slumming," Tony said quite annoyed by Paul's comment. "The Astor's are practically American Royalty."

"Hmm," replied Paul barely paying Tony any mind. "To be perfectly honest I much prefer the Vanderbilt's for company, not so hard done by in my opinion. And that's the British Branch of the family I'm talking about. The American cousins are another story altogether and for another time honestly."

"I wouldn't know," Said Tony curtly.

"Oh Paul you always bad mouth the Astor's and then you are perfectly okay to accept an invitation to Cliveden in the spring whenever Lord Astor asks you. And you're going to the Astoria in New York the end of July."

"That's politeness brother they're Americans I don't care how much money they have we all know Nancy and Waldorf bought the viscount title. And I tell you all another thing, they say Cliveden means Valley amongst cliffs, while when I'm there I rather often have to fight the urge not to hurl myself off one of those cliffs."

"Forgive my brother he likes to ramble on and on about suitable associations from time to time. It can be rather tedious. But Gordon we will be sure to take you up on the offer. The last time we were New York we went to a couple of speakeasies. They were very fun. Have you ever been Carla?"

"No I've never been to New York before."

"Antony you should be spoiling this beautiful wife of yours rotten. If she were mine she would have seen the world twice over already." Liam was smiling at Carla his stare intense. She quickly turned her attention to the floor.

"I'll keep that in mind Liam." Tony ushered his guests towards the door.

"Beautiful trees you have out here," said Paul once they were all standing out on the Porch. I love the landscape of the property. They look like the trees at Versailles, is that you were going for?"

"Oh no not at all…"

Carla stood back as Tony and Paul struck up another conversation and Liam went to stand right beside her.

"You look lovely, I don't think it's even possible for you to look bad."

"You're ever the giver of compliments aren't you?" Carla said curtly but inside she was jumping with anticipation. He was so very handsome and a good distraction from her depressed mood. This morning's breakdown almost seemed of another world now.

"I can't help it I'm an honest man."

Carla turned her head to look at him up until that point they had both been staring ahead pretending to be enthused by the trees on the property. Carla examined his good looks; he had dark brown hair and blue eyes. His cheeks had a natural blush to them and Carla liked that the stubble from his morning shave was making its appearance. He continued to stare out at the trees but a smile formed slowly on his lips.

"You should stop staring so much," he says his eyes still looking out straight ahead. "A lady should never want to appear too greedy."

Carla immediately jerks her head back forward and he starts laughing.

"You think you're rather sneaky though don't you? I can see staring you at me from the side you know. It's cute," he turns his head to face her but Carla is still too embarrassed to look at him. "The least you could do for someone pays you a compliment is to say thank you."

"Thank you," Carla whispers. She looks at him again and he is smiling his natural rosy cheeks even more flushed.

"…Yes I am quite certain you are trying to replicate the trees and gardens at Versailles and while I'd normally applaud such attempts at culture things and the like…I think rather bold, but brave and rather foolish… Well then I guess I do applaud you after all. "

Carla was back in reality once more listening to Paul talk about the trees on the property of Paradise Palace.

"I have a bad feeling about you," Liam whispers discreetly because Tony has turned in their direction looking.

"Yeah," says Carla. "And what is that?"

"You might be bad for business."

With that he goes down the stairs beckoning to his brother and apologizing to Tony for his brothers comments. Carla stares as their car is driven to the front and they get inside. She has a feeling Liam may be bad for her life in general.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mummy I want to go to the party to!"

Giulia was throwing a tantrum it was Saturday night and all week since the meeting with The Connor brothers Tony had been planning his summer soiree. Carla tried to convince Tony to at least let Giulia be allowed to have dinner with the guests but Tony wouldn't hear of it.

"Darling I'm sorry your father will not let you. He says dinner will have adult conversation and that it will simply make you restless."

"But why does father only get a say, can't you speak up for me mama?"

"I can try with your father again, but I can't promise he will listen. Now be a good girl and eat the nice meal Libby has so graciously prepared for you. If you do that I promise at least your father will let me show you around to the guests."

"I know for a fact I won't."

Carla and Giulia looked up to see Tony standing in the doorway of the cook's kitchen. He is shooting daggers at Carla his eyes practically bulging from his head.

"Now Giulia I won't hear about this again are we clear?" Tony said.

Immediately Giulia stopped sulking and resigned herself to her father's absolute authority.

"Giulia go along and take your supper to the nursery. I have talk to your mother privately."

Giulia scooted off the cooks stool grabbed her plate and walked out. She was starting to glide like Carla already. Carla turned to look at Tony who was still wearing a look of contempt and hatred. She turned to walk past him when he blocked her pathway and grabbed hold of her arm hissing,

"And just who the fuck do you think you are making promises to our daughter you can't keep? I fucking told you she wouldn't be attending tonight's dinner and you went behind my back trying to give her hope." He dug his fingers into Carla's arm causing her a great deal of pain.

"Antony stop it guests will be arriving soon. I ought to get ready."

"Like hell you do," he said grabbing hold of her hair. "No doubt like a whore again same as last time when the Connor's were here. Don't think I didn't notice how he kept looking at you, practically coveting you like a prostitute."

Carla was in pain as he threw her against the kitchen floor holding her mouth to the pavement.

"Antony please," Carla cries but it is no use.

"Maybe I should make you look extra special for tonight. How do you think he'd enjoy looking at a couple of bruised eyes and a broken jaw?"

"Antony please I didn't do anything wrong. I was being friendly not messing up like you asked."

"Always trying to pull the wool over my eyes aren't you?" He jerks her head around so she is staring up at him. The movement makes her want to faint. His breathing is intense and he looks tempted to choke her. "Come on then, any last words?"

"I am sorry," Carla was sobbing. "If you let me get ready I will make sure not to look inappropriate. I won't look at the brothers if you wish that to."

Tony releases her head letting it clunk against the floor.

"That's exactly what I wish for." He stands up and looks over her like she is some project and he is proud of the marks he left on her. Then he turns around and heads for the door before turning around and adding, "Sleeves, you'll need to wear something with sleeves. And makes sure to clean up the blood, we don't need the cooks eating around that."

When Carla gets ready in front of the mirror she glad that he has not left any bruising on her face and on her neck. Her head hurts a little but it's not unlike anything she hasn't experienced before. She put on a long black dress and pinned her hair back into a pompadour. She was not satisfied with how she looked, she felt ugly after what Tony had done to her. There was a knocking at the door and Mary her servant went to answer it. It was her friend Lady Maria Sutherland.

"Carla darling!" Maria said rushing towards her friend and enveloping her in a hug. "When were you going to tell me you left London for the country? I only found out this past Thursday when I was visiting my brother Kirk at his country home 10 miles down."

"I'm so sorry Maria, I only just came back really."

"And how is everything?"

"Fine."

"Your lying I know it. I've been your friend since childhood I can tell when something is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong Maria, honest. I just have a lot of stress trying make sure I do right by the family and not get a divorce."

"We don't talk about the "D" word around here madam. I know how I hate it. Since stupid Nick Tinsley ran off with Lady Battersby and what not."

"No you're joking," said Carla. She knew the story perfectly well but knew how much her friend liked to be the one to recount her own unfortunate ordeal in great detail.

"I most certainty am not. He didn't even have the decent to deal me to my face the marriage was over. I mean I've known it was over for a long time, but still he sent me a telegram from Nice Carla. Can you believe it, Nice?"

"No I can't."

"Yes, yes and it was all really terrible because our dear friend Fiona sent a telegram from Nice a view days earlier and she called me to telling everything she saw. I cried for about a week and let me tell you I literally wanted to jump off the cliffs at the Cliveden. But now I'm over it all."

"Well that's good."

"Yes and I am going to meet a lovely old chap tonight and forget Nick Tinsley ever existed."

"Good," Carla turned her attention back to the mirror examining her figure while Maria looked on from a nearby couch.

"In the mean time Carla darling you must tell me all about your exploits in London , I heard rumors about a doctor."

"That's a lie."

"So quick to deny it."

"Maria," said Carla turning around and raising her eyebrows at her dear friend. "It's not true at all. I went to a doctor yes, but not for an affair."

"Oh you're so boring darling. Everyone should have at least one affair in their life time. Well lets have it, what for then?"

"What do you think?"

The two friends shared a meaningful look.

"I thought he had stopped," Maria said somberly. "You should leave him Carla."

"I can't my father won't let me and worse Tony will make sure I don't get Giulia. He uses her against me all the time. I just want to make the best of a horrible situation."

"Well I just don't think it's fair. It's so messed up how he has you living like your in a prison. You should come live with me. My town house in the city is so large and I could do with the company."

"If I leave again Tony says that's it. I don't have any more options. Besides he's not as bad as last time, not yet anyways."

"Hmmm," Maria sighed. "I just wish there was something I could do."

"So do I," Carla whispers back.

The dinner had been a somber event for Carla, tony made sure she was seated on the far side of the table away from any of her normal friends and away from the company of the Connor brothers. To make matters worse she avoided Liam every time he tried to make eye contact or glanced in her direction.

After dinner everyone was invited out back to listen to a live Jazz band. The back yard had been transformed on the vast property. Carla sipped her champagne diligently as she sat at a table with a group of guests she really didn't know. The woman was a person named Eileen Grimshaw and she was a widow accompanied by her two unmarried sons Jason and Todd. The son Jason seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but her and the other Todd waited on his mother hand and foot. Carla didn't mind their company really; they were so involved in there own drama they didn't bother to be polite just because she was the host's wife.

Carla gets up looking to see where her husband is. He is engaged in a heavy debate with an entrepreneur of fine drinks names Steven and his friend Lloyd. She takes this as her queue to freedom, slipping off her shoes because her feet ache she walks across the lawn to the inside of the house where she pumps into none other than Liam Connor. His eyes light up immediately.

"Hello Carla," he says softly.

"Hello," she responds hoping to give off the air of being impatient and bothered.

"You've been ignoring me all evening."

"No I haven't, I've been entertaining guests."

"If by entertaining you mean sitting at a table and sneering, then yes I suppose you have."

"What do you want? I'm tired and would like to go to bed."

"At the present I want to dance with you," Liam responds softly. "In the future I could possibly want more."

"I'm not allowed to dance with any man other then my husband."

Liam has an expression of disbelief, "What kind of archaic rule is that?"

"I don't know," Carla says rather meekly. "But it's my husbands rule."

"We can go somewhere he doesn't know about."

"Liam," Carla replies with a heavy heart. "Although I am flattered by all the attention, I'm married and have a daughter. I am not going to go any where with you and we are not going to dance." She walks to move past him and she expects for him to grab hold of her arm like he has in the past. He does not and so Carla goes down the grand hall, then she hears footsteps and when she turns around it is Liam running after her. Before she can do anything he grabs her by the waist and pulls her into the nearby drawing room. They are in the darkness only for a moment until Liam turns on the light. He has already locked the door, but Carla is oblivious.

"You already broke one rule and went somewhere with me," Liam says.

Carla notices that he is grinning. He thinks he is pretty clever. She slumps down in the sitting chair propping up her feet. She returns the grin.

"Do you have any records in this room? We're going to need something to dance to."

"You still think I'm going to dance with you? You're wasting your time."

"You're teasing Carla, you don't mean that. But that's okay you can keep on playing the fool, you'll lose the game."

He walked around the drawing room scuffling through the various shelves.

"Might I comment how absolutely bollocks it is that you have a gramophone player in here but not a single record to be found. What is wrong with you people?"

Carla couldn't help but laugh. She never really came in her, so she didn't know where they could possibly be. This was a Tony designated area.

"I guess I'm off the hook Liam. Now may I go to bed?"

"Stop saying you want to go to bed. It's too early for bed. What you want is a party and to have a party we need music."

"Which we are lacking," added Carla.

Liam gave her a cute devilish smile and said, "No not if we make our own. Come on get up," he says ushering her from the couch. But Carla won't budge.

"My feet hurt."

"You have excuses. That little mind of yours is constantly looking for ways to evade me. You don't stand a chance you know, I always get what I want eventually."

"Not me you don't. And my feet really hurt so unless you start humming some music I guess the party is done."

Liam kneels down at Carla's feet. He seems to be forming what to say next carefully.

"If one wanted to see you, just say by chance one day out in town when your husband is at his practice, how could one go about doing that?"

Carla propped herself up a bit holding his eyes in hers. He looked so desperate like a cute adorable lost puppy. She liked him very much but she remembers the thrashing Paul gave her in the cook's kitchen and couldn't risk it.

"Please don't ask me that again. I have no intentions of wanting to see you alone ever. I going to say it one last time, I'm married."

"I admire the fact that you believe that your marriage is some obstacle for me. Very cute and naïve might I add. But I guess I can see we are getting no where tonight."

"FINALLY," Carla says rolling her eyes. She slides of the chair and glides towards the door. Before opening it she turns around one last time. Liam is staring at her with a look of pure lust. "An "A" for effort though."

She goes to turn the doorknob realizing it is locked. It is an embarrassing moment to her cool and collected facade but she quickly recovers and unlocks the hinge. She walks along the grand hall the main staircase smiling to herself and thinking, I can't believe he tried to lock me in.


	6. Chapter 6

"Mary hold the childs hand properly. If you don't of course she is going to keep running away."

Carla Gordon was in town with her daughter Giulia and servant Mary. They were running errands and Giulia was being particularly naughty always running ahead of them. She refused to hold onto Mary's hand and Mary wasn't assertive enough to keep her in line

"Yes ma'am, sorry ma'am." Mary proceeded to try and catch up with the ever-lovely Giulia.

Carla couldn't help but laugh as the scene unfolded in front of her. Her daughter was so strong willed when she was around Carla. She actually acted like a child unlike when she was around her father Tony. With Tony, she was always careful to be polite and not make a sound.

Just then Carla heard someone call her name and swung around. It was her friend Fiona accompanied by two other women Carla didn't know.

"Hello Fiona darling, " Carla said kissing her friend briefly on both cheeks. "What brings you into town?"

"Oh we've just come from a luncheon at the Bourbon," Fiona said gesturing to the two other women who accompanied her. They both had dark brown hair and blue eyes; Carla had never seen them before. They both had incredibly hollow rosy cheeks. Fiona realized she had not yet introduced her friends to Carla, "Forgive darling, I believe my vacationing in Corsica and Nice the last couple of months has made me incredibly rude. These are my lovely friends Michelle and Phillipa."

The two women stepped forward at once in unison. They features looked so familiar to Carla thought they were twins.

"Charmed," they both said in unison and kissed Carla on both her cheeks demurely. Carla returned the pleasantries and the two women looked at her with warm eyes.

"Yes we just came from a luncheon with Wellingtons and the Connor brothers," Fiona continued. "They are boisterous sort I don't know if I can handle them so much, especially that one brother Paul, sorry if offend your family Michelle."

One of the women with the dark brown hair and blue eyes, the taller of the two responded, "There my brothers Fiona, I don't really notice it anymore to be perfectly honest. Paul always likes to talk about money even though he knows full well it is impolite.""

Carla was taken aback, no wonder her features looked so familiar. She was practically the girl version of her Liam. She was absolutely stunning."

"Your both the sisters of Paul and Liam Connor?"

"I'm the sister and our dear Phillipa," Michelle said nodding to shorter woman who could be her twin, "Our dear Phillipa is a first cousin. You know my brothers miss?"

"Yes my husband just recently got into a business venture with them, something to do with ships."

"Oh you must be the beautiful wife of a business partner Liam was telling me about," said Phillipa finally talking. "He was practically blushing describing your beauty, I thought such a creature couldn't possibly exist the way he was describing you." Phillipa gave Carla a sweet and genuine smile.

"Yes she is beautiful isn't she Phillipa." Michelle then turned her attention back to Carla, "My brother often likes to embellish the truth and has a tendency to get carried away. I can see for once he was telling the truth you are stunning dear."

Carla was blushing, she was used to the comments and flattery but it excited her to know that she had been the topic of conversation for Liam. He seemed unable to contain himself when it came to her.

"How kind you are."

Michelle beamed at her and Fiona started to talk again.

"Carla should come for tea tomorrow at your home Michelle."

"Oh yes of course! That would be a lovely idea; you must come for tea tomorrow. And bring your husband, for some odd reason my own dear husband Tom wants to go hound hunting on a Tuesday and has insisted everyone come around. Please say you'll come?"

"I'd love to, but my husband often works at his practice right here in town. He'll be working most likely tomorrow and I don't think he'd like for me to go alone."

"If it's a matter of going alone, we could have one of my brothers come an get you. I'm sure they wouldn't mind, even Thomas wouldn't."

Carla didn't want to come off as impolite, but being in a car alone with Liam Connor would not make her anymore safe.

"I'm sure I can figure something out, maybe I'll talk to my husband. My daughter and I were on our way to visit him now anyways before I saw you."

"Is your husband a doctor by any chance?" asked Phillipa.

"Yes," said Carla. "Why?"

Phillipa gave off another big smile. "It's a small world. Our Liam and Paul left the luncheon to go sign some business papers with a doctor, stranding us with the silly Wellingtons for a time. They're probably still there now."

Carla felt faint. Did she really have to endure another intense meeting with Liam Connor under the watchful eyes f her husband? Just then Giulia came running forward tucking herself under her mothers arms she smiled up at the friendly face of Fiona and looked at the other two women in wonderment.

"Hello Mrs. Stape."

"Hello Giulia darling. Look at how lovely you look, that beautiful summer dress I love the yellow."

"It is kind of you to think so," responded the little girl. Immediately the four women started laughing.

"Say thank you Giulia," Carla said trying to give her daughter a stern look.

"Thank you Mrs. Stape."

Michelle Connor leaned down to the level of the little Giulia. "You're a little Madame aren't you? And so lovely and pretty to." Then she stood up straight smiling at Carla, "She is your splitting image."

"Thank you," Carla said. "But I think we'd better get going now. Her father was expecting us a while ago. So good to see you again Fiona, and it was; lovely meeting you Michelle and Phillipa."

The three women waved them off and beckoning to Mary to take Giulia's hand Carla proceeded to her husbands medical practice.

When she got there, Carla took Giulia from Mary and walked towards the entrance of her husband's office. The door was open and he sat at his desk with a bottle of cognac and three glasses. Liam and Paul Connor sat in front of him with papers. Paul as per usual was puffing away at a cigar looking mildly interested. Liam was bent across the table pointing pages and talking attentively to Tony.

"Yes we can get a good return rate on the steel. Business has been much better since the war ended now that the company can afford to muster the resources. Believe me you won't get a better price." Liam told Tony. Tony was checking out the documents carefully.

Giulia ran forward and knocked on the door entryway. At once all three men looked up.

"Papa," said Giulia going over to her father's side. Carla had let her daughter go and stood uncomfortably in the doorway.

"Giulia la bella," said Tony scooping his daughter up affectionately and kissing her forehead. "How is my little angel doing today. Did you go to church this morning?"

"Yes Papa," said the child. She was beaming and basking in her father's rare attention for her. "Mummy took me this morning. She made sure I lit a candle in the chapel for St. Cecilia to."

"Good," said Tony releasing his daughter. He looked up finally acknowledging Carla's presence. "The trip into town wasn't to tedious I hope."

"No Antony, Giulia quite enjoyed herself. We ran some errands."

"Hello Mrs. Gordon," said Liam suddenly as though he was viding for her whole attention.

"Hello sir," she said briefly giving him a curt nod. Tony was observing her. "I don't think I should bother you all, while you are discussing business."

"Well it wasn't all business Mrs. Gordon," said Paul taking one last puff of his cigar. "We were also telling your husband about a little get together at our brother in laws tomorrow. We are trying to convince him to go for a hunt. He is being very difficult on the matter, claims he has to work. Imagine a diamond heir who has to work? It's like a rear wonder of the world."

"It isn't that I don't want to come, but I have a lot of work. The patients are stressful, but medicine has always been a passion of mine."

Liam was smiling at Carla his devilish look in tow, "Your wife can come."

"Yes Mrs. Gordon can come," added Paul. "She looks like a bit of fun. Mrs. Gordon will you come and have tea, enjoy the hunt. I do look rather dashing when I'm in full attire."

Liam gave his brother a brief look of disdain, and then turned back to Carla waiting for an answer, "Well?"

Carla looked at her husband for guidance. She didn't want to be the one to make any decisions lest he decide to beat her later. His eyes were gleaming with contained rage that his sweet voice did not match,

"Of course you can go Carla. You don't need my permission."

"Well then it's settled then, we should send directions. Liam write down the directions," said Paul before turning to Tony and talking, "Now I don't mean to be a pest Mr. Gordon but on the topic of your trees again, perhaps you didn't notice but they really are like the trees at Versailles…"

Liam ushered Carla out of the office with him. He took out his calendar book and a pen. Giulia and Mary had gone off elsewhere, so it was just them. Liam began to scribble intently, his brow scrunched in an adorable furrow. He had leaned his hands out as he wrote arching his muscular shoulders. Carla stood by nervously tapping her foot for what seemed an eternity. Finally he looked up at her and grinning he handed her a piece of paper.

Carla glanced down and read the address, her mouth forming the words in a whisper. Then Liam stepped forward looking briefly into her husband's office. Tony and Paul were still talking about trees; seeing that it was safe he gently slips a second piece of paper this time into her pocket. His fingers brush hers momentarily.

"What is this?" says Carla reaching to pull it out, but he stops her whispering,

"It's is my telephone number. I'm giving it to you because tonight your going call me and thank me for so graciously inviting you to the hunting and tea tomorrow."

Carla was blushing. He was so full of confidence and he stares at her intensely without any shame.

"Don't look at me like that sir. My husband is in the other room."

"Oh your husband, are we on that train again? I told you you're incredibly naïve if you think your marriage is going to stop me."

Carla was biting her lip and in a last ditch attempt to appear offended turned on her heel and scurried out of the room. Tony was still talking or rather listening to a lecture about trees. Liam followed her out grabbing his coat in the process.

"You have no right to say such things to me. Have you any honor?"

Liam gave out a laugh sliding into step with her as she circled the back of her husbands practice.

"If by honor, you mean I don't lie about my feelings then yes."

"That isn't honor," snaps Carla.

"Well then what is? Your husband, are you with him because of honor?"

"You don't know anything about my husband."

"I do know he must have incredible luck if he is able to land such a beautiful woman like you."

Carla was now annoyed, "Is that all you ever talk about, how beautiful I look? Why would you think you could ever have a chance with me when all you see is the way I am on the outside."

Liam now grabbed her by the arm pulling her into him so that she felt the heat of his body against her back. Her head fell back on his shoulder and with his free hand he began to gently caress her neck.

"I see a lot of things outside of how pretty you are," he whispers gently in her ear. "I see a girl who often looks sad, like she's trap, standing in a room never wanting to give a clue as to her true feelings. Truth is I don't think anyone's ever asked her or even cared what she thought. They rather she just set there and act like a swan, but inside I think she's breaking etching to break free."

Carla feels like she could collapse in his arms. The feeling he is giving her is unbearable she wants to kiss him.

"I'm a wrong for wanting to know what she is thinking?" He does not wait for an answer as he slowly leans in and brushes his lips with Carla's own.

They are soft Carla thinks and she wants to get lost in them. Slowly with his tongue he opens up her mouth to kiss him fully. It is a hungry kiss; very sensual like he has been waiting to do this since the moment they met. Carla lets out a soft moan, her eyes closed and lost in the rhythm of their mouths. What I'm I doing she thinks, what if Tony finds out? Quickly she breaks away from him Liam. His eyes are gleaming and he has the look of insatiable want.

They are both panting and staring at each other. Carla wants to go back to kissing him but she knows she can't.

"That can never happen again," she whispers.

"Carla," he pleads.

"Please stay away from me sir. I have never kissed a man who wasn't my husband before and I cannot do that again. The only way that won't happen is if you stay away from me."

"Why are you so afraid? Have they got you locked up already?"

"Your no stranger to it, you know what it's like, you've got a sister of your own. Yes before you ask I met her briefly today before coming here, but you know what it's like for a woman if my position. You know how they lock us up in our cages at an early age."

"My parents didn't lock up my sister. She is actually allowed to speak her mind and do as she pleases."

"Well then she must be one of the lucky ones, a rare one."

"You're rear," he says his voice faint but not ready to accept defeat.

Carla's eyes light up for a fraction of a second. He was so determined and looked visibly hurt. That kiss was amazing the most wonderful thing she had ever experienced. If only he knew the totality of her suffering.

"I'm not rare Mr. Connor. I'm just damaged, doesn't take a fool to realize those are completely different things."

And with that she turns around runs even though running is hopeless.


	7. Chapter 7

It is always the same dream for him over and over since the day he met her, where he makes love to her over and over again. Before he kissed he today he had to envision in his dreams what it was like to kiss her perfect lips and have her smile as he caressed her beautiful olive skin. Liam had always had such an easy time getting any woman he wanted, his mother had told him he was not serious about women but this time it was different, he just felt it. Because when Liam had kissed Carla today all he could think of was how wonderful they fit together. In his dream he is inside of her and she is calling out his name in pleasure and he crying out hers.

"_Carla…"_

He is awakened by his cousin Phillipa and brother Paul smirking at him. Well it is Phillipa who is smirking, Paul is smoking a cigar and wearing his signature look, one of mild interest.

"Having a good dream cousin?"

Liam was embarrassed he felt violated. He pulled his covers up to his chin.

"How long have you two been in here?" He was absolutely alarmed.

"Long enough," said Paul making ringlets with the cigar smoke. If he had any indication Liam was embarrassed he did not express it. "Was she good?" he smirked. "That Carla woman, she sure sounded like it."

Liam was flushing red, this was embarrassing and while he could handle Paul witnessing such a dream he could not handle Phillipa. Phillipa was now settling down at his writing desk.

"I can't imagine her being anything else short of good," Phillipa says. "She was so beautiful when I saw her today and kind. She would have been a good match for you, but she's married and she has a child."

"Exactly," said Paul. "Our business partners child. Now I know you love women Liam, I mean who doesn't love a beautiful woman but this one is off limits. If father hears about this he will be furious. That's no way to conduct yourself."

"Oh come off it Paul! You've had affairs left right and center." And besides, he lied, "I've done nothing to conduct myself poorly."

"Yes I have but not with fathers business partners significant others and to be honest Margaret cheats on me to. We both couldn't give a toss, but we are discreet in our selections."

"Oh Paul, why must you be so tough on our Liam? He is in love. " Phillipa was scuffling through papers on Liam's desk.

" Love or not, it can't happen."

"Like I'm going to listen to you." Liam gave his brother a defiant stare before turning his attention to Phillipa and saying, "What are you doing scuffling through my papers?"

"Looking for something, oh found it."

Paul looked over the whole situation already and lighting himself another cigar leaves the room, no doubt to go lecture someone about one thing or the other.

"Found what?" Liam was mad. Phillipa slide off his writing chair and waltzed over to him holding out a piece of paper for him to accept. "That lovely letter you've been working on, it's so romantic."

Liam snatched the paper out of her hand and looked down at 100th draft of a love letter he had been writing for Carla.

"And it's private to Pippa!" He looked down at it. Was there no such thing as privacy anymore? "How much have you read?"

"All of it," Phillipa could hardly contain her excitement.

Liam felt guilty for snapping at her, Phillipa was always so sweet and caring and they along with Michelle had been extremely close as children.

"I like the part where you describe the kiss," she says grinning at Liam. "It's very descriptive." She smirks at him with her blue eyes. "Does the lady reciprocate?"

"Oh my god Pippa that is personal." Liam reverted back to his mortified state. He blushed uncontrollably.

"What? All I am saying is that she seems like she's a good kisser. And I absolutely adore your tact. Now does she feel as you do?"

Liam sighed rubbing his eyes and temple, "Ok that's enough. And I don't know exactly how she feels yet. There is a mutual attraction."

" You're so clearly in love dear cousin and I want to help any way I can."

"What do you mean help?"

"Put in a good word of course. Michelle and I agree she is absolutely lovely. We would love to have her in the family she would fit perfectly. And she would keep you in line, something I believe is needed from time to time."

"So how would you go about helping me out?"

"Well the letter for one, I could give it to her."

"There is no point Phillipa, I can give it to her tomorrow at the hunt."

Phillipa let out a sigh giving Liam an exasperated look. "How little you know about women dear cousin. She's not going to be there tomorrow, not after the kiss at least."

"Why ever would she not be, Paul practically bullied Tony into letting her come."

"Because she will be spending her day locked away in her bedroom and crying her eyes out guiltily for committing a sin, might I add a deliciously good one. Then she'll be on her knees in the chapel telling God it wasn't what she intended. Afterwards she will lock herself away and live life as a recluse. Of course this will be done so as to not have to kiss you again."

"Carla doesn't seem like that type of dramatic woman. Maybe that is some of your friends."

"Oh I assure you dear Liam, Carla will be locked away for a long time trying to cleanse her soul and work on her loveless marriage. I am sure this will only irritate you, but it is the truth. She is not coming anywhere near the hunt tomorrow unless she is dragged in chains."

"I'll give her the letter myself."

"When the servants announce your arrival she won't come down. Give it to me, she will feel safe in the hands of another lady. I will be like a dear confidante and I can report back to you what she says."

This sounded good to Liam after all. Maybe if Phillipa acted as a buffer between the two and put in a good word for him, Carla would be resigned to see him.

"Fine," he says handing over the letter. "But what about tea tomorrow aren't you going?

"Yes silly, but I will drop it off in the morning before hand." She smiles at him broadly before adding, "You won't regret this decision, and with my help you'll have Carla Gordon in no time."


	8. Chapter 8

"What's the matter?"

It was Tuesday morning and Carla sat in the dinning room having breakfast with her husband Antony. It was just the two of them, one on each end of the humongous table. Carla wasn't feeling well at all. She felt incredible guilt about kissing Liam Connor. She could not stop thinking about it, the way it had felt. It was so pure and yet so painful. She was also very afraid, what if Tony found out, what if he already knew? Tony had a way of finding things went he wanted to. She decided she would avoid going to tea today. Tony's cold brown eyes glare at her from behind his newspaper. He closes it up in concise manner and tosses it to his side.

"Is the food not to your liking?" Tony asked in disdain.

"I'm not hungry is all," In fact Carla had a pounding headache and an upset stomach.

"Well that's no excuse. You'll eat that food and wipe the plate clean. We don't waste food in this house."

Carla stared down at her toast and eggs. There was so much left on her plate she had barely made a dent in it. Looking back up at her husband she saw his look was stern and unrelenting.

"Go on, eat." Tony is enjoying using control over his wife.

Carla however still wasn't relenting. He head was bowed at her plate. Maybe if she closed her eyes he would disappear. She didn't have the energy for this. Tony got up from his chair walking slowly towards her; she felt his hot breath breathing down her neck.

"Haven't you wondered why I haven't touched you in years?" Tony said in a whisper.

Carla sat in a rigid position. She was trying to protect herself from any possible blows. Tony knelt down by her chair as she raised her head looking straight ahead and focusing on the fixtures of the dinning room. She tried not to tremble as he began to move his fingers through her hair. He brought the strains to his nose breathing her scent in this was done with surprising great tenderness. But just as quickly he throw her hair out of his hands. Whispering in her ear he said,

"Because you look like a fucking skeleton. Who wants to have sex with a skeleton? You don't even look like a woman. You don't even have any hips."

Carla continued looking ahead, trying to ignore him to make him think she was unaffected. But the tears already starting rolling down her cheeks.

"Aww what's the matter Carla? Did I say something hurtful?"

Carla didn't respond at first but then he grabbed her shoulder and turned her around with great force. "I said, did I say something hurtful?"

"Yes," Carla finally uttered.

Tony leered at her and looked satisfied. "Good, now you know how hurtful it is when you don't do as I tell you. I said to eat that food! EAT IT!"

Carla felt like she was staring at a monster and turned back to her plate. She lifted her fork half heartily and picked up a mouthful of food shoving it in her mouth. She felt her stomach rejecting it but Tony would not let her stop. He didn't care if her stomach burst. When she finally forced the last bit of food down her throat she mustered the courage to look up at him.

"Good job Caroline, that's much better. You see if you just did as I asked when I asked you to we wouldn't have these issues, and you wouldn't have to make yourself cry."

Carla was enraged; she gave him a look of disbelief. "You're the one who makes me cry Antony."

"No Carla you make yourself cry. It's because you're so rotten, you can't help it. You fight against me every time I try to help you."

"Help me? When have you ever tried to help me? Carla could feel her voice rising and she was surprised at her bravery. She threw her chair back and headed for the dinning room exit. She began to break into a run as she felt Tony's trailing footsteps behind her. He was quickening as well. Carla pushed past the bustling servants and the alarmed housekeeper Libby. She ran up the staircase checking over her shoulder she saw that Tony was still following. His eyes looked full of murder.

"Mrs. Gordon is everything all right? Mary asked as Carla came rushing into the master bedroom. Carla tried to close the door but Tony pushed his foot in the doorway blocking her.

"Leave right now Mary." Tony demanded as the young woman look hesitantly at Carla. She stood her ground for a while. "NOW!" She had no choice but to leave Carla in the hands of a monster. Tony through the door shut as Carla tried to run to the bathroom. She had barely made it when he grabbed hold of her arm and flung her the distance so that she landed on the floor near the canopy bed. Carla's mouth began to bleed.

"You want make a scene, do you? You want to make it seem like I didn't do shit for you, you whore!" Tony is now bending on the floor beside her, she tries to turn away from him onto her tummy and crawl away but he holds her still with his hands. "You never fucking learn, I got to beat that rottenness out of you!"

He begins to pin her elbows, but Carla fights back scratching at his face. She gains the upper hand momentarily and tries to race for the door, it is now or never. But again Tony is too strong and too quick. He pulls her by her whole head of hair and flings her onto the nearby chaise lounge.

"You're a rotten little whore," he whispers. "You know what husbands do to wives who are rotten little whores?"

Carla can see the devious look on his face and she knows what is coming as he begins to pull up her morning dress.

"Please no Tony, please." Carla pleads but it is no use. He slaps her as he tries to throw him off. "Tony please you have to go to work, I don't want to do this."

"I thought I told you to call me Antony!" The back of his hand strikes her whole face. "I don't care what you want, your my wife and I will take what is mine. Work can wait."

Carla cries at first but then he covers her mouth to muffle the sound. She stares up at the ceiling like all the other times before. Leaving her body as he violates the same way he has countless times before.

When it is over he gets off of her and heads into the master bathroom she can hear him whistling like nothing has happened, like he didn't do anything wrong. She sits up trying to rearrange her dress, but Tony has torn it. She stares impassively at the walls. She will not give him the satisfaction of her tears. She hears the bath water begin to run and the sound of him getting in. She thinks to herself, I should just run now, take Giulia and never come back. But she stays rooted in her spot because she knows no amount of running will keep her safe from her husband.

When he is done bathing, Tony dresses in full view of her ignoring her as he ties his tie. Finally once he has but on his watch and jacket he looks at her.

"You ought to get ready for that tea slash dog hunting endeavor or whatever it is. Wouldn't want to go looking a fright, you have the address and everything, which I assume Liam, must have given you before or after he handed you his telephone phone number."

Carla looked up at her husband in alarm. He found her reaction to be rather amusing.

"Oh you didn't think I knew? I saw him while I was talking to his brother. I telephoned Paul last night just to let him know that if my darling wife would be going to the party, the least they could do for their guest was come and get her themselves."

Carla sat baffled. What else did he know about, did he know about the kiss to, the incident the first day they had met?

"I don't understand," Carla said.

"What's not to understand? I told Paul to send Liam over today and come fetch you himself for the tea. Of course he is utterly besotted with you, but I can trust you will not return any of those feelings. Should you ever have the urge to return those feelings I hope you'll remember how much you'd rather make love to your husband instead."

Carla gave Tony a look of utter disdain. He makes her want to throw up. He had just raped her to send her a reminder of the fact that she was his property. How dare he call it love making, he wanted to taint her experiences so that she would never want to be touched by another human being. He shot her an evil smirk and headed towards the door.

"You should be ready by noon, Paul told Liam to be here by then."

He leaves her and Carla is sets in a terrible silence. He is a monster and she is trapped not only from within the realms of these walls, but in the mind. Tony controlled her in everything.


	9. Chapter 9

"She should be down shortly Mr. Connor. Shall I take you to the sitting room?"

Liam smiled at the pump old housekeeper as she led him, his sister Michelle and cousin Phillipa towards the sitting room. They lounged in the chairs comfortably while Liam recalled his luck. Last night after his talk with Phillipa, Paul came back to reveal way he had left the room abruptly. Apparently he had gotten a call from Tony asking if his wife could be escorted to the tea. It would make him feel much more safe. Paul volunteered Liam and upon hearing his luck, Phillipa and him decided to forget about the letter plan for the time being. His sister and cousin sat across from him whispering and giggling.

"What are you two going on about?"

"Oh nothing, just how lovely the home is," said Phillipa.

"And whether or not you will be able to contain yourself when you see Mrs. Connor," added Michelle.

Both women looked absolutely stunning in their white sundresses. They practically looked like twins because they had the same hollow rosy cheekbones and blue eyes. The only thing really different about them was their height and that Michelle could be rather quite and thoughtful while Phillipa could be opinionative and loud.

"Liam's been having dreams about her," Phillipa informed Michelle.

Liam was annoyed, but Michelle gave him a thoughtful look and meaningful smile.

"Phillipa that's something personal you don't need to share it with everyone."

Liam was grateful for his sister sticking up for him and seeing things clearly.

"But you're not everyone Michelle, you're you," whined Phillipa.

"That's hardly the point Phillipa. How would you like for everyone to share all the personal details of your love life?"

"But it was a dream!" Phillipa literally stomped her foot like a child.

"What was a dream?" Carla Gordon said, gliding into the room always like it was effortless. "Sorry to keep you all waiting, it has been quite a morning."

"Nothing to hectic I hope," said Michelle rising to her feet and kissing Carla on both cheeks. "Charmed darling."

Phillipa followed in twin like unison. Then it was Liam's turn. He had been anticipating seeing her since they kissed and had an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He wanted to prove to her that he actually liked her that it wasn't just about looks and he was serious. He greeted her formally gently kissing each cheek.

"Mrs. Gordon."

"Sir," she responded immediately trying to avoid eye contact. God, how much he wanted her right then.

Michelle and Phillipa were whispering once more and then Phillipa asked,

"Carla dear, I was wondering if I could have use of your powder from, you know to freshen up." She emphasized the word freshen.

"Yes I to would like to freshen up," added Michelle.

"I can take you," Carla offered but the two women protested and insisted they could go alone if giving the instructions. Carla called over her servant Mary to assist them.

They were alone and Carla sat across from Liam trying her best not to look at him. He admired her beautiful hands and how her chin had come to rest on one as she looked purposefully out the window. It was intoxicating all too much for him to handle, he was greedy as his eyes roamed over her. He wanted to preserve what he could of her in his memories. Finally she turns to look at him her face long and demure.

"I suppose I should thank you," she says quietly. "My husband told me what a great service you have done him in ensuring I make it to tea safely."

"It is no problem really, I am honored."

A faint smile enters across her face and she says, "I am sure you are."

He is at a loss for what else he can say, but he cannot seem to move his eyes away from her. She is so beautiful yet so tragically sad.

She looks uncomfortable with his gaze and gathers her wrist in her hand, playing with the bracelet she has on.

"You seem a little melancholy. I hope it is for no reason caused by him, your husband."

Still she will not look at him, but she seems to be repressing a lump in her throat. She is trying to find the right thing to say.

"He used to say he loved me before he hurt me, now he hurts me before he says he loves me, if even then."

Liam is astounded, she must trust him, and she must feel something for him if she has decided to reveal such personal information to him. He gets up to go to her, but she holds out her hand just begging that he will listen before continuing,

"He can not love me so much if he can so easily neglect me. My father says that all men are like that, they love to neglect their wives. And then there is you, you sir never seem to neglect me. I seem always to have your full attention, and your stare is so direct."

"Does my staring offend you?"

"I don't know how to say it but when I go about my days and my business I am not so used to people just looking at me. And the way you look at me, I sometimes wish that you would not." She looks at him briefly before her eyes flutter down on focus on his shoes.

"Carla," Liam lets her name fall off the tip of his tongue. You must leave me room to look, for I will look upon you, there is no hope for anything else."

Her green eyes were wide as she looks up at him again. She is astounded by the profoundness of his words his warmth and devotion. Perhaps no man has ever told her she was beautiful like that before, but he had to make her understand that it was physically impossible if not emotionally for him to forget at her as she had asked. He had met her and now he could not bring himself to envision a life without her. He is wrought with emotion coming straight from his heart when he says,

"You know I would do anything, anything to bring you comfort and make you happy. More than any other woman you deserve to be happy."

She is breathing heavily now, like she understands the intensity and encompassing nature of his words and his vow, that he has just poured his soul out to her.

"Shall we go?" says Michelle peaking her head back into the sitting room and observing the scene. "Phillipa is just finishing up."

"We're coming right now," Liam tells her and he gets up as Michelle ducks her head out. He is walking towards the door when he feels her touch on his arm. He turns to face her and she looks up at him timidly. She seems flustered, confused, and excited all wrapped in one. Suddenly she stumbles a bit forward and so Liam catches her to steady her, she is shaking. "You're trembling," he whispers. They are holding each other's eyes."

"I know," she utters the words breathlessly. "Are you going to kiss me now?"

"If you'd like."

"I'd like it very much."


	10. Chapter 10

They arrived just in time for tea; Carla sat beside Liam as they sped through the country roads towards his brother in-laws estate. His sister and cousin sat in the back. They were in a Crossley four seater tourer, lime green in color. As they drove Liam's straw boater and scarf blew in the wind, and Carla couldn't help but feel how young and sophisticated he looked. He seemed to be near the same age as Tony, but he wasn't as uptight and patriarchal. Tony wouldn't be caught dead in a Panama hat. He was looking straight ahead, focused on the road as his sister and cousin chatted busily in the back. Lightly he tapped Carla's arm with a cigarette case his other hand still on the steering wheel.

"Be an dear and light me one," he says looking at her briefly. His eyes are radiant and he gives her a quick wink. His eyes have the have little crinkles around them when he does this and this adds to his boyish charm.

Carla pulls a cigarette out of the casing and places it in her mouth lighting it quickly; she removes it from her lips holding then it out to meet his own. Still keeping his eyes on the road, he lowers his head to accept. Carla stares at him utterly consumed, he had a way of making the simplest thing seem rather sensual.

"Where here," says Michelle as the Car speeds through an enormous stone archway and up a long stretch of road.

On all sides Carla can see a vast stretch of land that must go on for miles. It is aligned with greenery and tall trees. Straight ahead there is the most grandeur country house Carla has ever seen. It puts Paradise Palace to shame.

"You live here?" Carla asks turning around to face Michelle.

Michelle gives out a wonderful radiant laugh, "No darling, my in-laws Tom's parents do. They are in Bath right now doing god knows what, so Tom and I decided to host a tea here."

"It's nothing really," added Phillipa. "Our Paul will tell you it is nothing compared to the many places our own family owns."

Liam takes one last suck of his cigarette before throwing it onto the road. "Learn to take a compliment Phillipa, don't be a snob like Paul, the place is still rather beautiful."

They drive up to the front of the house, where a group of servants dressed in white stand waiting to greet and attend to them. Liam gets out of the car and shifts the seat in order for his sister and cousin to get out. Then he runs over to Carla, opening her door he gently takes her hand. Carla accepts telling him thank you. She wants an opportunity to be alone with him again to talk about the kiss they had just shared at the Palace.

"Come along now Carla," said Michelle demurely as she ascended the stairs. "You must meet my dear husband.

With Liam still holding her hand she followed Michelle and Phillipa up the front steps and through the front door into the main entrance.

"We're back!" Phillipa shouted. There were voices coming from the drawing room and she walk towards it beckoning the rest to follow.

Carla slowly slides her hands from Liam's as they follow Phillipa and Michelle inside. He gives her one last smile and whispers in her ear, "We'll talk later," before coming forward to greet his brother in law Tom.

There are many guests in the room but the one that stands out to Carla is a man who stood with his leg perched up on a salon couch. He is holding a rifle and dressed in fine hunting gear. Furiously he polishes away at the barrel of the gun while puffing a cigar.

"Thomas my man," says Liam, "One would think you are trying to see your reflection in that thing the way you keep on polishing it. How many times is it now?"

The man looked up and keeping a straight face said, "Liam hunting is serious business, and you've kept us waiting. We could have got some good game by now if it weren't for you chauffeuring people around god knows where."

"Thomas," exclaimed Michelle, "You're being absolutely rude. We have a fine guest here I'd like you to meet. Come forward Carla."

Carla stepped forward to meet Michelle's husband. He held out her hand and she accepted. His face still stern as the cigar smoke engulfed the both of them. Carla had to fight the urge not to cough

"Now I know what was more important than an early hunt, good man Liam." Then turning his attention to other men gathered in the room he said, "Well I think we'd better hunt now fellows The hounds better be ready. Liam are you coming?" Tom walked past him with the other men following. "Or would you rather spend your afternoon with the ladies?"

"I am coming Tom, I just need to get ready," Liam told his brother in-law and then turning to Carla said, "I'd like to talk to you when we return. I hope you'll still be here."

"Yes I will," Carla responded breathlessly. He was giving her that intense stare again. Then quickly he grasps her fingers discreetly so the other women in the room don't see it,

"I hope that you'll _always_ wait for me."

Carla looked at him with her round green eyes. He is everything Paul is not, he has a way with words, and he knows how to make a woman feel like she is the only one in the room. Carla feels a string of emotions running through her, she has never been courted like this before. She nods her head quickly and whispers back that she will.

Tea is a dreary affair, but only because the absence of Liam makes Carla restless. They have tea in the shade of the courtyard and introductions are brief.

"Carla," says Michelle, "This is our dear Paul's wife Margaret."

Carla smiled at a blonde woman with brown eyes and a narrow face wearing a summer hat. The woman smile back and Michelle continued to move along the table.

"This is Mary, Jane, Elena Dorscher here, her family owns a factory that makes fine dining apparel, and over here is Maurine Wellington, dear family friend she and her husband Samuel are. And of course you already know Fiona."

Carla nodded at all the women and they smiled back. The three ladies seated themselves and the servants handed out tea while the table continued their interrupted conversation.

"It is all so horribly dreadful to be honest. I don't even know what he sees in that Leanne Battersby. By all accounts his ex wife Maria Sutherland is a thousand times more elegant," said the lady named Elena.

"She is," interjected Fiona, "Our Carla here is Maria's best friend. She knows first hand the dreadful suffering Maria has had to endure."

"Oh," said Elena raising her eyebrows. She had a stiff air about her. "Is that so, how lucky for you then. Maybe you can give us some insight into the matter?"

Carla graciously accepted the tea being offered by the servant before she replied, "I don't think it would be polite for me to gossip about her pain. It is horrible reliving things through constant stories."

Elena did not look impressed, "I guess divorce would be a touchy subject for you. Your name does sound familiar now that I think about it, are you Mr. Doctor Gordon's wife?"

"Yes, and forgive me I don't really understand what you mean?"

"Oh nothing really just that in my time in London over the last few months the society was overflowing with rumors of gossip pertaining to a divorce between a certain Caroline "Carla" Gordon and her husband Antony. I was only saying that since divorce seemed so adamant at one point it must be a touchy subject." Elena smirks across the table.

Before Carla has a chance to respond, Michelle intervened.

"The Gordon's are not going through any divorce as far as I know. And besides Liam and Paul find them to be perfectly polite."

Before Elena could respond, Paul's wife Margaret interjected. "Speaking of Paul and Liam, Paul has been raving to me again that Liam will never settle down and get married."

"Of course he will Margaret he just has to find the right woman and who knows he may be closer then you think," Michelle responded.

Margret gave off an air of aloofness like she was over the whole matter and didn't particularly care to begin with. "I doubt it," she said lighting up a cigarette.

"If by perfect you mean amenable then sure, I am sure he will find his perfect woman soon," Elena chimed in once more.

Carla is alarmed by the scathing nature of the comment and wants to question her about it when Liam appears in the doorway leading out into the courtyard. He is dressed in his hunting attire as he makes his way towards them followed closely by Paul, Tom, and their friend Samuel.

"Your back early," says Michelle beaming up at her husband and accepting his kiss upon her cheek.

"It wasn't a terribly good day for hunting," Paul said also giving his wife a kiss on the cheek. "This won't do," he says surveying the table, "We need more chairs, someone call the bloody servants to get more chairs."

"I'll call on them," said Samuel and he went on got servants to bring more chairs.

"Liam you must sit with me," cooed Elena once the chairs were finally settled. Liam looks over at Carla wanting to sit by her but Elena pulls him down to be seated by her. "We were just talking about you?"

"Or really?" Liam gives her his devilish smile, "What of?"

"We were wondering when you plan on getting married?"

"Oh bloody hell Elena not this again," says Tom. "He'll marry when he meets the right woman."

Liam sneaks a glance at Carla and she feels her stomach fluttering.

"I have met the right woman, but things are complicated and she's rather tied up in someone else at the moment."

Paul looks back between his brother and Carla his expression for once something other than impassive, "Well then she isn't exactly the perfect woman, is she. If married to someone else you can't possibly marry this woman in question now can you?"

"Yes," Elena agreed. "What are you going to do, wait for her to get a divorce? You'll be waiting forever those things take ages."

"I'm prepared to wait," said Liam again he glanced at Carla but this time he couldn't look away and the whole table was silent.

They had made the connection. Elena's mouth is a gapped at first her expression of shock quickly turns venomous. She is glaring at Carla with immense hatred like she wants to kill her. Then she gives out a cold callous laugh, "Wait? Waiting is for fools."

"Then I guess I'm a fool because I'm prepared to wait a life time if that's what it'll take."

Carla smiles at him. Inside her heart is beating a million miles a minute. There is no denying it, there is no fighting it. She has fallen in love.


	11. Chapter 11

Liam waited for her after tea. He had slipped Carla a note saying he wished to speak to her and for her to meet him in the trees at the edge of the estate. They made a fine path for a walk and would keep people well hidden. He heard the patter of her feet on the crunchy earth and leaves and like a vision she appear from amongst the trees. There she stood before him in silence looking at him with her great green eyes waiting for him to speak.

"You came," he finally mutters breathlessly.

" Of course, although I'd rather like to think I didn't have much choice in the matter," Carla says. She is now pacing back in fort in front of him, her hands held behind her back.

"I meant ever word of it, what I said today."

"I know," Carla whispers stealing a glance at him. "Your words have put me in a difficult situation sir."

"Carla you've kissed me twice already I think we can move past all the formalities."

She ignores him and continues pacing at an excessive rate.

"I've made many mistakes these past two days, I am married."

Liam feels a panicking feeling rising inside of him, he had made such a breakthrough with her and she was regression back to her usual excuses for why they could not. He grabs her arm to stop the pacing and steady her. She looks as though she is removed from the situation, as her stare is blank and unexpressive.

"You told me that more then any woman in the world I deserved to be happy. I had a wonderful time today sir and in that time with you…when we kissed I was truly happy. But now it is time to come back to reality."

"CARLA," exclaimed Liam. But she continued,

"If what you say is true then you will accept that us kissing can never happen again. I am married to a brutish and cruel man and I am no fool to what he can do to me much less you if he ever found out about what has occurred between us."

"So you're afraid then? Carla I can take you away from him whatever horrible things he has done, I can give you a life of happiness," Liam pleads.

Carla's eyes are now watering with tears and she is struggling to keep her composure.

"You're a sweet one you are. I wish I could've met you in another life, maybe then we'd have a chance. But as for this life, I think it is only fair that I tell you we do not."

"You don't mean that Carla."

"How could know anything about what I mean sir. You barely know me. What we have between us are rudiments of attraction and curiosity, nothing more. It isn't as deep as you want it to be."

Carla starts backing away from him but Liam only moves forward. Grabbing her arm again he pulls her into him with such force she gives out a mild gasp. Her back to him he slowly places his chin on her shoulder.

"There just words, nice little speeches Carla. I don't believe you really mean a word of it. If it's the chase you want I am prepared to give it," he leans in to kiss her but she spins out of the way. Her breathing is quite heavy and she looks flustered again.

"I have a daughter to think of sir. If it were just me, then that would be a different story. But doing anything to enrage my husband means that he can take my daughter from me. I am not willing to risk that, not for you not for anyone."

Again Liam walks forward attempting to touch her, but she slaps his hand out of the way. He is surprised at her strength and convection. For the first time they glare at one another, but it is an anger that awakens a deeper passion. Liam steps closer once more and again he feels her hand across his face, it makes him feel more inflamed he has a deeper desire to have her. Another step and her had raises, but this time Liam catches it in mid air. He shoves Carla against a near by tree.

"Get off of me" Carla exclaims. "This thing is over what don't you get?"

Liam presses his body against hers aroused as he grabs hold of her hair. He pulls her head towards his with great force, their lips inches away and burning with desire.

"You want this just as much as I do, admit it."

"I don't want this and I don't want you."

"Liar," Liam smirks at her. "You want it bad, ever since we set eyes on one another."

Her green eyes gleam up at his, she is searching for an escape route something to happen to stop her from giving into her heart. But then his hands move up the bodice of her dress and underneath so that he can feel the delicate skin of her thigh. The touch is larger than life between them it is electricity. Liam lifts Carla up supporting her against the weight of the tree and she wraps her legs around his waist. Quickly she undoes his pants, kissing her neck he thrusts inside of her. Carla pounds her fists against his chest giving out the sound of ecstasy. Her regular gasps turn into cries, Liam can feel the hotness of her breath as she buries her face in his hair. He felt the waves over taking them both as she kisses him hard and digs her fingernails into his shoulders.

When they are done Liam releases Carla and lets her down. They are still breathing eradicate as Carla rearranged her dress and patted down her messy hair. Liam was pulling up his pants when he noticed her grinning.

"What?" he asks grinning back.

Carla steps close to Liam again taking his fingers and intertwining them with her own. He look is wild and crazy. Liam quite likes it her feistiness turns him on.

"You passed," she says quite seductively. "It was a test and you past it. I'm now convinced of your love for me. Not many men would allow a woman to slap them like you did."

Her look is coy and she leans in to kiss him. He closes his eyes accepting the gentle brush of her lips. She truly is unlike any woman he has ever met it intrigues him. Slowly she turns away and begins to glide along the path close to the estate. Liam is in a daze for a moment, before he gathers himself and runs after her. She was so much more then he ever thought she would be.


	12. Chapter 12

Carla hummed to herself gingerly as Mary combed her hair in front of the dresser. She was dressed in her nightgown and ready for bed. She was reliving the moment her and Liam had sex over and over in her head. It had been so exciting, so different from anything she had ever experienced before. She wasn't repulsed by his touch like she was by Tony's. Further he had passed her test, he didn't just let her walk away.

"Why so cheerful Mrs. Gordon?" Mary asked as she pulled pins out of Carla's hair. "Did you enjoy yourself at tea?"

"Did I ever Mary," said Carla grinning at her in the mirrors reflection.

Mary returned her grin. "I don't suppose this has anything to do with that Connor gentleman, he is quite direct in the way he looks of you."

"Perhaps," said Carla she was hardly able to contain herself. She couldn't believe this was the same day still, Tony had forced himself upon her earlier and he expected to destroy her day. He very well may have if she wasn't used to his monstrous behavior and also if it wasn't for Liam. Love making with him was something of passion, something she had always wanted

Mary stopped brushing Carla's hair and scooted down at her knees taking Carla's hands as she turned to face her servant.

"Details ma'am. Was he a proper gentleman? Did he care for you well like Mr. Gordon asked?"

"Yes Mary," said Carla raising her voice. Her servant had become a little too familiar over the years. "Never you mind about Mr. Connor."

"Sorry Miss, I forget myself sometimes. But I am so happy so to see you smiling. It is such a rare sight."

Mary returned to brushing Carla's hair when there was faint knock on the door. Giulia and her Nanny came walking in. It was time for Carla to say goodnight to her darling child. Giulia came rushing over to hug her lap.

"My own heart, Giulia la bella . Did you say your prayers?" Carla crooned to her daughter.

The little girl looked up at her mother with a serious face, "That's papa's name for me. And yes I said the Rosary tonight, even though it is not May for the month of Mary."

"Well aren't you a special dear one," said Carla kissing her daughters forehead. "Now off you go." Carla let her daughter loose and watched as her nanny took her hand and led her out of sight.

"Ma'am," said Mary, "That child is becoming more and more like her father everyday."

"Well that isn't fair," Carla, responded, "She should be like me. She looks more like me anyways. Everyone always says the son belongs to the family but the daughter belongs to her mother."

"Yes Mrs. Gordon, that's when you're royalty. But the way she is behaving she might as well be royalty. Mr. Gordon has too much of a say in all matters of her life. She is holed up all day with tutors, he expects too much. It is summer now the child deserves to relax."

"Well what can I do? Every time I try to intervene he beats me and threatens my life. You remember the circumstances of why I last left."

"Of course Mrs. Gordon," Mary said gravely, "Who could forget such things."

"Well I don't want a repeat, in fact I can't have one or all bets are off."

"But ma'am you had that doctor in London, surely he could put in a word on your behalf? And the tremors they seem to be decreasing the medicine is working."

"I haven't had a tremor once, since I've returned home," Carla lied. She had in fact had one on the morning she had come back, but no one needed to know that. "In any case Tony has been on better behavior."

"Well of course he would Mrs. Gordon. He has been talking to his father apparently the old patriarch is ready to welcome him back with open arms. He is glad his son is making name for himself and with the Connor shipping family no doubt."

"Hmmm," said Carla.

Tony's main streaks of violence usually came out when he was in confrontation with his father. Tony had always been abusive in their marriage but his behavior greatly increased when his father threatened to cut him off from the family fortune.

"Mr. Gordon was so cheerful after returning from the practice today, I heard him making plans to throw another party before the Mr. Paul Connor gets off to New york to bump heels with the Astor's at the end of July."

"What sort of party? I hope that if it is Jazz he gets a better band. Actual Americans this time, lord knows he can afford it."

"No Mrs. Gordon, I think he wants to do 18th or 19th century as a theme. Have all the ladies in corsets and the men in breeches. The theme may be opera or something of that sort."

Carla said nothing, she was thinking that the party in itself was nothing to look forward to, but if Liam would be there that was all she cared about.

Tony comes into the room and bids Mary farewell. Carla's trusty servant gives him a look before telling Carla good night and bowing out. Carla sits at her dresser staring at him through the mirror; he is standing at the door and holding a package. Slowly he closes the door in and makes his way to Carla. She wants to recoil in fear, but then she notices there is strange rare warmth in his eyes. Slowly he places the package down on the dresser. Carla fumbles with her hair brush not looking at him.

"You remember how we used to be Caroline, when we first met?"

Carla remembers, Tony was kind and well mannered. He charmed his way into everyone's life and if not for his charm she would never had married him.

"Yes," Carla responds stiffly. She had not forgotten this morning and when he goes to touch her shoulder she maneuvers it out of the way. He is visibly caught off guard at the action and Carla can see a flash of anger in his eyes.

"I acted poorly this morning, I know. My conduct was unbecoming but I was angry and stressed."

"You always are Antony, it's the same excuse over and over. You acted like I was garbage and when I left for five months-"

"Don't speak of it," said Tony cutting her off, "Caroline lets pretend that event never happened. It can be ancient history."

"Ancient history for who? You? Because it will never be such for me." She stared at him defiantly before adding; "You know I don't like it when you call me Caroline."

Tony grabs for the box he placed on the dresser and slowly opening it he produces a necklace of fine emeralds. Slowly he moves his arms around Carla's neck securing it before she can protest.

"I suppose this is your sorry gift?" Carla whispers. "How original of you."

"It's just like the one your grandmother had," Tony ignores her, "The one she gave to your cousin Marie when she got married. I knew you were always envious so I thought I get a replica made. I think it brings out your eyes. I want you to think of it as a sign, a new beginning."

Carla looks up at her husband, she is speechless the necklace is the exact replica of the one her grandmother wore, and it does bring out her eyes. She stares at the reflection in the mirror playing with it.

"You upset me so, Carla. When you just upped and left. Marriage is supposed to be a working progress and sometimes I don't think you get that. That's why I was mad when you came back. I was very resentful of the situation."

"But we both do things that are wrong. You know I have tremors. You used to push me to the brink, leave me on the floor for hours. And the affairs they were the extra toppings to the assaults and what you did to me this morning."

"I can't have an explanation for everything I've done in the past. What's done is done and we have let dead dogs lay," Tony now grasped Carla's hand earnestly. "But I can promise you that I will try to change. I can give you everything, if you just let me try."

Carla stares blankly at the mirror cut off from his speech, removed from his touch. He delicately moves her black strains of hair through his fingers and kisses her shoulder.

"So what do you say my dear Caroline. Will you let me try, will you give us another try? I think you should wear this at the party."

Carla thinks to herself, he is too late. She has found somebody else to love, someone who will never hurt her. But as she looks at the reflection in the mirror she sees her head nodding a demure yes. Her green eyes looked to his brown, she is giving him false hope but she doesn't care. He can play his games and try keep her locked away here, but she's not a fool and she will beat him at his own game. She will escape at any means necessary and Liam is her way out.


	13. Chapter 13

"I am impressed with your initiative Liam business with that Gordon man is going quite well."

Liam and Paul are standing before their father filling him in on the ventures of the families shipping business. Liam was the one who pitched the idea to his father Fionnbharrth Connor to invest with Tony Gordon; he had always been the ambitious one in the family eager to show his work ethic.

"Thank you father," Liam says. "I worked hard to convince him to join us in business."

Paul raises an eyebrow and goes to pour a glass of whiskey before joining his the discussion once more.

"I am sure some would see it that way, although brother I am much more inclined to think that it was Gordon was the one who did most of the convincing."

"What are you implying Paul?" their father asks also rising to pour a glass of whiskey.

"That Gordon has got quite a beautiful wife father, I'm sure you've heard of her, a certain Mrs. Caroline Gordon."

"Oh yes of course, her beauty is something of legendary status. I saw her a few times in passing during society season in London. She had quite the air about her, from what your mother has told me apparently she is hard to handle. Though I wonder what's she has got to do with anything."

"Nothing father,' says Liam immediately giving his brother Paul as scathing look. Paul however is undeterred.

"Everything father. Liam can hardly keep his eyes off of her. If he keeps this behavior up there are bound to be rumors. In fact I am positive there are already rumors about town."

There father gives an infuriated look at Liam, "She's a married woman!"

"Father Paul is just making insinuations, they have no merit whatsoever."

"They better not, that is not the sort of people we are. And I'd hate for such good news on business to be spoiled by scandal. We're not women now are we, wasting time with idle gossip." Fionnbharrth raises his eyes brows at Paul.

"Yes father," responds Paul unfazed by the scolding but more smug than ever. "I forget myself sometimes."

Fionnbharrth waves his hand to give his sons the signal that they are now dismissed. Liam and Paul scuffle out of the room and once they are out of air shot Liam rounds on his brother.

"What are you playing at Paul?"

Paul pulls a cigar out of his cigar case and lights it taking in a few drags before responding. He is disinterested in any confrontation. Liam hates how he was always so aloof.

"Well if you must know I'm looking out for your interests. I must say I admire your brazenness. The uncouth manner in which you declared your love for Carla Gordon over tea was disgusting."

Liam was angry; Paul was the last person who should be lecturing him on proper behavior.

"Frankly Paul Bartholomew it is none of your business," Liam says irritated.

"Frankly Liam Barrington it is," Paul responds in a mocking tone. He gives out a laugh having accomplished his goal of infuriating his brother before continuing, "And in any case tree sex is a tale bound to corrupt the mind of many precocious young ladies."

Liam gasps giving his brother a horrified stare, before he can even respond Paul smirks,

"Yes brother I know all about the rendezvous you and Mrs. Gordon shared after tea. I saw it myself, I was considering paying a servant to follow you but then I thought why not get the proof myself. Of course I had Samuel come along for good measure, you know an acting witness to the events that transpired."

"That was a private moment Paul! How sick in the head are you that you would watch your own brother having at it?"

Paul again gave an impassive stare, unimpressed by Liam's boiling anger. "I'm looking out for the family, someone's got to. I've heard some vile rumors about that Connor woman, that she suffers from female hysteria."

"That's utter hogwash, ridiculous rumors with no merit."

Paul raised an eyebrow his blue eyes alight with amusement. "Is it now. We shall see won't we?" Paul took a final drag of the cigar, "In any case you should be thanking me. It was so easy to search you out and spy on you. If you must act like a lovesick fool, perhaps you will conduct yourself in a more careful manner from now on. Imagine if I can find you so quickly, how quickly it will be for Antony Gordon to do the same."

Liam has to agree; his and Carla's actions after tea were reckless. But they had been caught up in the heat of the moment, driven by desire. Still he is furious with his brother and stomps into the library after Paul mumbles something about being a loving brother and taking his presence elsewhere.

Why did Paul always have to ruin a good thing by raining on his parade? He was truly happy after him and Carla had had sex, he had finally gotten her and he truly hadn't thought about what it would take to keep her, and whether he could keep her at all. Regardless of how he felt about her, she was married to another man. Clearly she was not happy at least not in the way she deserved to be. And Liam had promised her happiness; he was determined to find away to give it to her, to free her from a loveless marriage. As he sat stewing amongst the families collection of fine books, he saw a head pop inside the door it was his cousin Phillipa.

"I thought I smelt the odor of a tortured young soul in here. What's the matter with you?"

Liam shot her an angry look before flopping himself into a nearby satin couch.

"Pippa I am not in the mood."

"Let me guess, your angry about a certain someone named Carla?"

"NO! If you must know it is our dear Paul that has gotten me in a foul mood. He's taken it upon himself to spy on me and invade my personal life. He is quite the fucking meddler."

"Don't swear," says Pippa curtly before adding, "Yes I am well aware about Paul and his spying. Him and Samuel told me…in the trees no less."

"He hasn't any right! That is personal, he hasn't any right at all."

Pippa pulls a stool in the direction of Liam arranging so she can sit right in front of him.

"If you think Paul is horrible just imagine what your father and mother will do. You know how your mother is; she's like my mother a staunch Anglican. There is no way she would want you carrying on an affair with a Catholic much less marrying one."

"I don't care!" Liam whines. He almost feels like throwing a tantrum like a child. The constant lecturing from Phillipa and Paul is driving him insane. Besides whenever Phillipa didn't like something someone said, she just stomped her foot and that was the end of it. Why shouldn't he do the same?

"Your father doesn't care so much on the matters of religion, not like my parents. But he does care greatly about the family name. We've got a reputation to uphold."

"So," said Liam giving Phillipa the nastiest look he could muster, "What are you saying? That I should give her up?"

Phillipa reached out and patted Liam's hand sympathetically, " No, no not at all dear cousin. What I am saying is tread carefully, think it out before you act on it."

"Your singing quite a different tune then you were yesterday Pippa."

Phillipa let out an exasperated sigh, "How do I explain?" she looked around at her surroundings before gathering her thoughts, "These sorts of loves, the passionate sort they are all well good while they last, BUT, and this is a very big but, you have to ensure that it all doesn't come to mean more to you then it does her."

Liam considered his cousins words and nods his head for her to continue. She did have a point although he is certain Carla feels just as strongly about him. She struggled to keep her emotions under wraps in his presence.

"I fear dear cousin that that may be the case, you may love her way more then she loves you. We know marriage at least for the moment is out of the question, so you must be careful not to make the mistake of sacrificing everything to have her only then end up with nothing to show for it. Do you understand?"

Liam understood logically but his heart was still yearning for the excitement of having Carla in his life at any cost.

"Carla feels the same way about me as I do her, I can feel it."

"You're adorable when you're in love. It seems that cupid's arrow has gone straight through your heart. There is no sense in trying to talk sense into you like this. Perhaps everything will work out dear cousin; perhaps you and Carla will run away together. But seldom to women of our stature and social class runaway from the comfort of our homes."

"That's not a home she lives in, it's a prison a glided cage," Liam responded. He was cooling down a bit.

"Glided cage, prison, whatever you want to call it, just know one thing cousin," Phillipa leaned very close to her cousin her voice now a melody.

" And what's that?" Liam says his pale blue eyes looking into his cousins.

"That no matter how horrible that prison, no matter how much it kills one inside; in order to leave it every woman has a price. If your ever going to take her away from him you'll have to figure out just what hers is."

With that Phillipa gets up and with one glance back at her cousin she walks out the door.

Liam is left pondering her words; he is awe of her wisdom and intellect. She had some very good points and perhaps if need be he would take them into consideration.


	14. Chapter 14

Carla was waiting anxiously, she had told her staff that she was going for a drive in the country. But the housekeeper Libby had a raised eyebrow as she was helping load a bunch of paints and a canvas into the car trunk.

"Quite strange to take a canvas with you for a simple drive in the country isn't it ma'am?" Libby remarked.

Carla snapped at Libby saying that she would be in great need of the canvas because she would be searching the countryside for nature scenes and setting herself up where she pleased. Then she snapped further at the housekeeper telling her to mind her place and not question Carla about her comings and goings from the Palace. Once in the car, she bribed her driver Edson to not say a word about her upcoming destination. Truth be told, she was to be driven into to town today to a specific address.

She clutches the paper nervously as he drive, checking the scribbling obsessively as Edson focuses on the road. Liam had called her in the morning telling her to meet him at the Castile hotel around noon that afternoon. Carla had Edson drive her around the back of the hotel and as they discussed on the phone, Liam would pay one of the staff to come and get her. With Edson's help she got her canvas and paints out of the car and a maid was down to meet her shortly. She gave Carla a scathing look when she realized she would have to help her take up her paints, but Carla didn't care.

When Carla felt her hands rising to the suite door she was trembling, she didn't know why she was so nervous. But she liked the butterflies she got in her stomach whenever she anticipated seeing Liam. She heard rustling and sporadic movement at the other end of the door, and then the dashing Liam stood before her.

He was wearing the most adorable seductive grin and her pulled her in by the waist clearly unaware of the maid present amongst them. Carla had to delicately free herself from his hug giving the maid a stare. Finally Liam noticed her.

"Oh hello Martha, why are you still standing her?"

The maid a hard woman of older age shot him a scathing look before gesturing to the paints and canvas she was holding. However she did not speak and opted to look at him like he was the stupidest man alive. Liam gives Carla a bemused look.

"What is this?" he says his eyes alight with curiosity.

"Paint, I am going to paint you. Martha take it all inside."

Martha took the paint and canvas inside with Carla and Liam following. The suite she notices is grand and big; Liam clearly has a refined taste.

"What in heavens name are we going to do with paint?" Liam goes in for a kiss, but Carla again avoids his advances. Martha is still staring finally Liam makes the connection.

"Oh her," he says staring at the maid, "Martha why don't you go and get yourself a nice lunch or something. I don't need you anymore." He reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out his wallet and giving her a couple of pounds. Martha accepts with not even so much as a thank you and leaves the room in a huff.

"Well she's just a ray of sunshine isn't she?" says Carla.

"Never mind her, she has her uses. The good thing about her is that she never talks. I can trust her to keep a secret. Now," says Liam once more pulling Carla in for a kiss, "You don't know how much I've been wanting to do that all day."

"Well," says Carla hungrily accepting his kiss, "It will have to wait a little longer. I want to paint you at the moment."

Liam gives Carla a wonderfully amused look his eyebrows raised, "You want to paint me? Whatever for?"

Carla goes over to the table where Martha has put her paints and canvas. Martha had even gotten her a proper easel.

"Because I want to, it would make me very happy. You should be honored I rarely ever paint anyone. Now we need somewhere for you to sit."

"Oh my goodness Carla, I can't believe this. I am not dressed for this."

"You look fine, couldn't be anymore handsome if you wanted to."

He was wearing a short suit jacket and narrow straight trousers and an ascot. Carla began rearranging chairs as to position him better in the light.

"Sit," she commanded once she had positioned the chair to her liking. Liam did as he was told and Carla found it refreshing that he didn't put up a fight and make the simplest things difficult like Tony did. She began sketching him out and a long silence passed between them.

"When I called you to spend the afternoon together, this is not what I had in mind, Liam says. The sun hits his face in such a way it makes his blue eyes even more vibrant. Carla notices he is quite fidgety. "How can I say this, I was imagining something a lot more intimate."

Carla let mild smile spread across her lips as the looked up periodically to sketch him out. She was admiring every part of his beautiful features. His cheeks had a natural blush to them. He looked like a walking, living, breathing piece of art.

"You must hold still, I am sorry to say but I always find the jaw and mouth area a bit challenging."

"So I can't talk?"

"Well yes, but I'm afraid you can't keep moving as you are."

"You're a difficult one," he says grinning at her. "What I wouldn't do for the love of a beautiful woman."

"Your moving again," says Carla quite amused by his playful demeanor. "I warn you that if I'm not satisfied I will not let you leave this room."

"I'm willing to take that chance. I like the sound of those odds."

Carla rolled her eyes playfully at him, "Is everything an innuendo to you sir?"

"Perhaps, although I guess I make my jokes when I am nervous."

'I've noticed," says Carla stealing a look at Liam. She is smirking.

Liam smiles even more broadly at her his look is so gentle she gets goose bumps on her skin. It is getting difficult for her to maintain concentration.

"What else have you noticed about me?" He asks slyly. He is giving her quite the seductive look. It is just about hopeless for Carla to continue on.

"Are you deliberately trying to mess up my focus sir?"

"Is it working?"

"Yes, and I don't appreciate it. You should stop looking at me like that."

Slowly Liam gets up from the chair making his way towards Carla he circles around the canvas slowly until he is standing behind her. She can feel his touch, so soft and delicate caressing her neck. Slowly he leans down and moving her hair to the side kisses her neck.

"I told you," he whispers, "There is no hope for anything else."

Carla can't contain herself any longer and turns her head to meet his lips. They are so soft and succulent she feels like she is in another world. How she has missed that kiss, thought of it every night, memorizing it as she had his touch. How had she survived so long in this world without him? She had a need to feel him inside of her again; but then she thinks of Tony. She feels fear as much as she does desire and guilt as much as love.

"What are you doing?" Carla hears herself faintly whisper. It is a plea as much as it is a resonation.

Slowly he moves the barriers of her dress leaving her shoulders bare. He caresses them with his lips moving slowly up her neck to her cheek and then he says,

"I'm giving you a chance to give into it, like I said there isn't hope for anything else."

His words ring true to her, so she turns her head to met his lips once more.


	15. Chapter 15

**Just wanted to say thank you for the nice reviews. I really appreciate them **

It was the beginning of July when Liam finally saw his mother again. Mrs. Connor had been away in Calais overseeing some business on behalf of her husband and visiting a few friends. By time Liam had gotten himself ready for tea almost all his family was already present. , only Paul and Margaret have yet to arrive. As soon as Liam entered the room his mother beamed at him, rising from the table to give him a hug. Liam had always been her favorite child.

"My darling boy," Mrs. Connor cooed, "I've missed you so."

"I've missed you to mother. I hope Calais treated you well," Liam responds.

Mrs. Connor sat back down in her seat ushering for Liam to take the spot next to her while the servants poured the tea, "Oh yes darling, the visit was lovely."

Fionnbharrth looked up from his paper immediately giving his wife a warning look, "Do not lie Eileanóra, just a moment ago you were telling us you thought you were suffering from a bout of consumption."

Liam gave his mother an alarmed look, "Mother is this true?"

Before she could respond Paul and Margaret entered the dinning room to gracing the family with their presence. Both were wearing their classic aloof expressions though Paul's was laced his signature smirk and Margaret's with her normal haughty look.

"Is what true?" asked Paul making his way over to their mother and kissing her cheek. "Hello mummy, I hope you're well?"

Margaret followed suit, "Charmed Helen darling. We've missed you so."

Once the couple settled in their respective chairs Fionnbharrth continued, "You're mother thinks she may have a case of tuberculosis. I will have to call the doctor in from London."

"Father that could take days, it may be too late by then," said Michelle. Liam had forgotten she was at the table. When their mother was around she rarely spoke a word.

Paul began his routine practice of buttering his and Margaret's breakfast buns. He had always been one to control his wife's eating habits, focusing intently as he split her bun into four equal sections, and offering her two before responding to their father. "Should we not be calling the priest as well? You know I don't terribly believe it is polite to talk about the topic of death. But you can't not call one without the other"

"I wish they still did the royal touch," says Margaret accepting the morsel of food she was permitted to eat. "We're important enough aren't we? This family comes from a long line of baronets."

Eileanóra glared at her daughter in law, "You jest and I for one do not appreciate it."

"Oh mother you take everything so seriously. I highly doubt you are suffering from a thing. Margaret was just trying to offer her wit, frankly I think you are being dramatic. You don't look sick in any sense of the word," replies Paul.

Liam shot his brother a look, he could be so insensitive, "Only mother knows how she is feeling, who are you to say otherwise?"

Fionnbharrth gave both his sons an impatient look, "Stop your sniping this moment. It has all been settled, I will call on whatever doctor we can find and call the priest."

"Darling the only thing that would make me truly happy is to see all my children married. When that happens I can die peacefully. All I want is for my dear Liam to settle down and have a family," Liam's mother patted his hand affectionately.

Their father shrugs his shoulders lighting a cigar while Margaret and Paul raise their eyebrows and Phillipa and Michelle exchange knowing looks.

"You wouldn't have him marrying just anyone though would you mother?"

"Of course not Paul! Only the best for my Liam a proper Irish Protestant for my Liam or a least someone from the Protestant domination."

"Well that's settled then isn't it," said Paul smirking at Liam.

Liam feels like reaching over the table and smacking his brother, it was taking all the strength of his being not to. He looks at his mother who is now surveying him with curious eyes; he wants to be careful as to not give his feelings away. She would never approve of Carla; she disliked Catholics and only tolerated them when necessary. But he desperately wanted a change in subject.

"Mother why don't I call Dr. Antony Gordon, he lives fairly close. I am sure he wouldn't mind doing a check up on you. That way you won't waste time waiting around for the Doctor from London to get here."

"Oh yes that is a lovely idea Liam, he's the man we're in business with now isn't he? The son of the Diamond Tycoon Alasdair Antony Gordon, call him up and tell him to come around. Perhaps he can give me advice on how to find a woman for you."

"Mother that won't be necessary-"

"Mother, Paul interrupted, "His advice would hardly be helpful. You're the one who told me that his wife Carla was a sufferer of hysteria and that once in her youth she was committed to lunatic asylum."

"Yes, yes of course. How horrible of me to forget such dreadful information. Yes I did hear from within society circles that her confinement was the best kept secret in all of London Society back in the day."

This was all news to Liam and he was visibly shocked. His sister Michelle gave him a sympathetic look before saying, "I am sure they are all just vile rumors. I don't know why you entertain such stories. I happen to think she is lovely."

Eileanóra shot her daughter a disapproving look, "You've always been a bad judge of character young lady, so naive in your thoughts. I heard the story of that Caroline Gordon from Dotty Sutherland herself. Dottie's girl Maria has been friends with the girl since they were in the nursery. She had quite a lot to say about her."

Liam can't help it but he wants to know all that his mother has been told about Carla. In spite of himself he asks, "Like what mother?"

"Like apparently the fact that her father had to make sure she was heavily sedated. The father Mr. Mark Donovan had a mind to lock her in her room and throw away the key, but then her mother Martha pleaded on the girls behalf. Very unfortunate."

The whole table sat engrossed in the conversation, even Margaret and Paul who had the air of disinterest most of the time listened to Mrs. Connor as she spoke.

"How in heavens did she ever escape?" Phillipa asks her voice now reduced to a whimper.

"Well her father realized that his daughter who has by all accounts has always been a great beauty would be very valuable to him. Rumors at the time say the Donovan's were experiencing some financial difficulty. So he did what any sensible father would and debuted her to the sovereign at the start of the social season. It all worked out well, she was presented with her cousin Marie and Alasdair seeing Carla demanded to have her at once for his son Antony."

"That isn't very romantic, says Michelle.

"Of course it isn't you silly girl. I don't know why it should be any surprise; you had your debutante ball to did you not? Is that not how you became engaged to our dear Thomas?"

"Yes mother."

"Calm down dear Eileanóra, you don't want to upset yourself, "says Fionnbharth. "It truly isn't worth it to snap at our Michelle."

"Forgive me husband, I just wish I could finish the story without interruption. Now as I was saying, Mr. Donovan passed his daughter off to the Gordon's and washed his hands of the problem. The greatest of deceptions if you ask me, but it wasn't long before Antony and Alasdair figured out for themselves that there was more harm than good in that pretty demure face.

Liam couldn't take it anymore; this was all very difficult for him to stomach. He felt uneasy.

"Liam," says his mother touching his hand, "Whatever is the matter? You look absolutely pale."

"I think I'm going to be ill," Liam responds. He felt like at any moment he could throw up.

"Well that's no good. Perhaps we better not delay calling the Doctor any longer. Paul," their mother says gesturing to her other son, "Go and fetch the servants to make up a bed in the front room for our Liam, and then go and ring for Dr. Gordon."

Paul got up at once setting out to complete the task at hand. Liam felt increasingly more ill and made an attempt to stand, instantly however his legs gave out. And he can't recall what happen next because suddenly everything was black.


	16. Chapter 16

Carla sits in the sitting room it is a Sunday afternoon and she had just come from Mass at the family Chapel on the estate. Tony had invited the priest Father Xavier over for some refreshments afterwards presents him with a special treat. Having the servants set up the grand piano; he and Giulia are going to perform for the Father. Tony sits at the piano ready to play while Giulia stands nervously facing Carla and the priest. Carla winks at her daughter mouthing to her that she can do it and giving her smiling encouragement. She tries to present herself as strong and cheerful though truth be told she has been feeling especially ill the past couple of days. Regardless she wants to give her daughter her full attention. Tony begins playing the piano.

"Immaculate, Mary! Our hearts are on fire. That title so wondrous fills our desire! Ave, Ave, Ave Maria! Ave, Ave Maria!" Giulia sang beautifully she steals a glance at her father and Tony giving her an approving nod, continues on, "We pray for God's glory may His kingdom come. We pray for His vicar, Ave, Ave, Ave Maria! Ave, Ave Maria!"

Carla was smiling so broadly at her little angel dressed in her finest and singing with a voice so beautiful it could only come from God. Carla glances over at Father Xavier, he to is enjoying the performance.

"She is quite the devout Catholic," the priest says to Carla, "Mr. Gordon has instilled fine principles in her. I have no doubt she will have a secure future."

"She is a good little girl and she will grow into a fine woman," says Carla.

The priest looks at her with great concern, "Not with any help from you I'm afraid. It is a great shame."

Carla is caught off guard by this remark and looking him dead in the eye she says, "I'm afraid I don't get what you are implying." Giulia's eloquent melody continues to fill the background.

"I talk of matters concerning divorce. You were once a devout one, I'm sure you know where the church stands on such matters."

"This is neither the place nor time to talk of such things Father. And I am not sorry to say that I will not let the church interfere in matters concerning my own happiness."

"Unfortunately Carla your happiness is not a concern. Mortal flesh is of no circumstance on this earth, but the soul is another a story."

"What has my husband told you?" Carla felt her voice going cold.

"He did not have to tell me anything, your actions from five months ago speaks for itself. Only a corrupted woman would have behaved as reckless as you have. But fear not, I pray for the deliverance of your soul daily."

"Oh bless us dear lady with blessings from heaven…" Giulia sings on and Carla focuses on her daughter.

She feels so angry that Tony has managed to convince everyone of her inherently bad nature, first her father then her in laws, and now her priest. She feels like she is going to throw up and needs to leave the room. It is suffocating her with all its judgments and pretensions of a perfect world. Tony was the master a deception.

"You'll have to excuse me for a moment," she says and swiftly she gets up leaving in the middle of Giulia's performance. Once safely outside Carla runs to the master bedroom, she feels the panic and the tremors. "Mary," she shouts, "Mary where are you?"

For some reason the dress she is wearing feels terribly constricted and she can no longer breathe that she is heaving. She walks to her mirror pulling at the back of her dress trying to get free, but it is no use it is all too intricate. She needs help. This moment of frustration and helplessness sends her over the edge. Carla starts crying uncontrollably.

"Mary," she says as she begins tugging at her necklace with great force and flinging it across the room, "Mary please!" Carla then rips her hair out of it's up do. Before she can help it she is on the floor convulsing. She needs the medicine the doctor gave her.

"Miss!" Mary says entering the room with a bunch of laundry. She immediately drops it on a nearby chair and rushes to Carla. "Carla what has happened? What is wrong?"

"I can't –I-I-I can't…", is all Carla can manage. Her breast feel tender, they have been feeling as such for a while now. She is repressing the urge to throw up.

Mary is now pulling Carla into a hug, "Oh goodness… you can't what? Tell me, do you need the medicine."

Carla nods her head and immediately Mary goes towards the washroom to get it. "Miss I can't find it."

Of course Carla thought, Tony must of found it and discarded it. He liked to do things like that, he liked for her to get to this state of panic. She begins to cry even more loudly, and then she feels it the sick in her stomach coming up. She pushes Mary out of her path and vomits in the toilet, gripping the sides holding on for dear life. Mary moves her hair out of the way.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she cries.

Mary begins soothing her. "You've had that sick for a while now. In mornings often I've notice. Do you think it may be-"

Carla knew what she was going to ask. The truth was she had been thinking it herself for sometime, she had just been in denial. But she was certain there was a chance that she could very well be pregnant. That is why Father Xavier's lectures on the purity of one's soul had affected her so greatly. She had sinned, committing adultery with a man who was not her husband, not once but twice. And it wasn't only in the physical act, but she had thought of Liam daily yearning for him when she knew she shouldn't. Thinking if the next moment she'd be free to see him again.

She was expecting for God to strike her down any moment for what she has done, but then she feels anger because God never struck Tony down for all the times he had raped and beat her. Why should she feel guilty for wanting someone else? She had told herself over and over after her second encounter with Liam that it was fate something obviously meant to happen. But she wonders if her convictions are so strong, why did she still feel the fear and guilt? She was looking to be saved in Liam but all she felt was a deeper prison within her mind, one that haunted her with her actions and bore her the results of such indiscretions. In horror she looks from Mary and then her stomach. It sickens her to think the baby could be Tony's but she is full of even greater fear that it could very well be Liam's. Tony has his way of finding things out and if the child does not look like his, she will surely pay for it.

"You're pregnant aren't you?" Mary whispers.

Carla's face has dried of all tears and she looks at her servant solemnly. She feels like she is going to faint. "Yes," she says, "Yes I am."

Her world is crumbling.


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry I usually update at a quicker pace but I had to take a few days off to write spring midterms. Hope the wait wasn't too long and enjoy!**

"Goodness Michelle stop touching him!" Elleaónra screams.

Liam came to on a makeshift bed made for him in the sitting room. His Mother, father, and sister were hovering over him with wide blue eyes. He was disoriented but managed to prop himself up and saw Dr. Gordon packing away his medical instruments in his bag. His mother lets out a gleeful squeal.

"Thank the Lord Jesus Christ, my son is well and alive", says Elleaónra.

Liam's father gives her a stern look, "Of course he is stop being so dramatic. You coddle the boy to death," then turning to Tony he says, "Antony thank you so much for taking time out of your Sunday to tend to my son's health."

"It was no worry Mr. Connor I can assure you. After all it is my job as a doctor to make house calls from time to time."

"Well," says Liam's mother gently taking Tony by the arm, "We are forever in your debt sir. My husband tells me you are an asset to our company as well, investing in it and bringing up shares."

"Thank you Madam, and I quite enjoy business. My father for one admires the quality of business in a man."

Elleaónra beams at Tony more, "Your father himself is a smart business man. I heard he is worth a fortune mining the diamonds in the Congo."

"Elleaónra it is impolite to talk of money do not be so uncouth," says Liam's father Fionnbharth.

Michelle proceeded to scoot Liam over to make room for her on the couch. She and Liam briefly exchanged exasperated looks while their mother and father squabbled.

"It is no problem sir, the lady may ask anything she likes," says Tony.

Elleaónra looks simply besotted that Tony will allow her to ask whatever she likes. Liam can tell she will use her charms to get more information about Carla. She could be so cunning like that and although he adored his mother, her behavior at times was disgusting.

"Have you ever been to the Congo? I am surprised to here your father is there quite often. Is his fortune mostly in the Belgian or French part?"

"To answer your question Madam, I have been once or twice in my youth. I considered missionary work but the weather is much too hot I couldn't imagine staying for long periods. My father on the other hand, likes to foresee his business make sure he isn't being cheated, and he operates from within the Belgian Congo. They've always been good business people and since the war many of the American and European private companies are investing a great deal in the area. I heard they are trying to pass a series of laws to get the railways, roads and electric stations built around the country. My father will most likely make profit off of that."

"Oh heavens me, imagine a world without roads and railways, or electricity! Liam could you imagine a world without such things?"

"No mother," Liam responds curtly. Sometimes his mother was so over the top. Tony he noted seemed to be enjoying bragging about all his assets and Liam felt annoyed with him in a way he never had before. He looked around at his sister listening intently and at his father smoking a cigar while his mother fawned over their guest.

"…And has your father met the King of the Belgians?" Liam heard his mother talking on and on.

"Oh yes he did met Leopold II a couple of times, said he was a harsh man unpopular by the time of his death. They said he had the hands cut off of all the people who didn't meet his quota for rubber."

"Oh how dreadful, " exclaimed Elleaónra patting Tony's arm. Liam didn't think she sounded too concerned at all, but she had managed to wrestle Tony into a sitting chair and was flanked at his side listening to his every word.

"Oh yes, I know. Father told me he was so unpopular by the end of his rule the people booed his coffin as it passed through the streets. He had some mistress named Caroline Lacroix that everyone hated to. His son Albert father tells me is much better."

"Oh you're such a learned man. You should take me to your father's mines one day and you should introduce me to some Belgian royalty. Forgive for mentioning, isn't Caroline also the name of your wife?"

Liam shot his mother a look; he knew that she had made a sneaky attack on Carla by comparing her to a Kings mistress. Tony however didn't seem to notice, but then again he didn't know all that Elleaónra heard about Carla.

"Yes, Yes it is. But she prefers if one calls her Carla."

"Oh why in heavens name? Carla sounds absolutely vulgar. I would rather be called Caroline."

"It's a habit from childhood Madam, but for what it's worth I agree with you."

"Well I think Carla is a lovely name," Liam says. His mother stares at him her mouth agape while Tony gives him a smile that does not match his cold brown eyes. Liam is infuriated; this man didn't know what a beautiful treasure he had in a wife like Carla. A wife that he thought should be his.

"How is our dear Carla?" Michelle pips up, "I enjoyed having her over for tea. She is absolutely splendid and stunning, like a vision."

"How kind you are miss," says Tony smiling at Michelle with equally cold eyes.

Liam was starting to dislike him more and more by the second. He was pretentious and a bragger. Liam didn't care how many mines his father owned in the Belgian Congo or that his family was in cahoots with whichever king although he was quite skeptical of that in itself; Liam did not like the way his mother was fawning over Tony like he was some god.

"You will be seeing her this next Saturday, remember the party I am throwing for Paul before he gets off to New York?"

"Yes," says Michelle, "Paul is so looking forward to it."

That was a lie; Paul had been complaining about the party for weeks he considered Tony to be _Nouvelle rich_ , Liam let out a snort of laughter. For some reason he felt the urge to express to Tony just how much he disliked him. His father Fionbharth raised an eyebrow, while his mother shot him an alarmed look.

"I didn't hear of any such party?" Helen says, looking at her daughter with scathing eyes, "What Party is this?"

It was Liam who spoke up an answered his mother. He was tired of her always sniping at Michelle and he was just in a horrid mood, "Well how could you Mother, you were away in Calais for practically a month."

Elleaónra sits flabbergasted and confused by her usually sweet sons annoyed remark. Immediately she shuts up and sets back in her chair looking wounded. Liam almost feels guilty, but he doesn't appreciate how she has been talking about Carla. He feels a bit vindicated because his mother's comments make him uneasy and insecure in his feelings for Carla. He barely knows everything there is to know about this woman while Tony has the monopoly of knowing so much.

"It's a 19th century waltz party, I've decided," Tony says answering Elleaónra. "As your Paul would say, I will get the best orchestra money can buy. I think I will focus pieces by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky."

"Oh how lovely," Michelle squealed, "I shall have to order a gown from Paris at the last minute if at all possible. His music is lovely."

Not to be upstaged in complimenting Tony Elleaónra chimes in, "Yes his pieces are extraordinary. I dear friend of mine once saw him in New York…live!"

"We'll if only I could have topped your dear friend and gotten him to play for you here, but alas he is dead."

Liam rolled his eyes, "Well hopefully whomever you get to play his compositions is better than the people you hired for the jazz soiree."

"Liam!" His mother gasped, "You're being impolite and frankly I do not appreciate it. This fine man just saved your life and he is a business partner of ours. I don't understand you right now."

"It must be the delirium, the faintness mother. I'm not in my right mind."

"Clearly," and turning back to Tony she says, "If you have it on a Saturday I won't be able to attend. I have a prior engagement, do you think you could perhaps switch it to the Sunday?"

"Elleaónra," says Liam's father in an exasperated voice. He looks bored of the whole conversation, "The world does not revolve around you, this is Paul's party not yours."

"Oh but I do enjoy a good waltz, Paul doesn't even care for them. I am sure Mr. Gordon won't mind changing days would you sir? I'm sure your father changes business dates often."

Liam stared at Tony Gordon and he saw a flash of calculated evil so chilling it unsettled him. But just as quickly as it came it had vanished and Tony was smiling at Liam's mother, his good looks shielding his sinister nature.

"Of course I wouldn't mind changing the date, anything for you lovely Madam."

Elleaónra and Michelle beam at Tony while Fionnbharth gives a sigh of relief it has all been settled. But Liam stared and kept staring until Tony was forced to make eye contact. He thought about what Carla had revealed to him once,

_"He used to say he loved me before he hurt me, now he hurts me before he says he loves me, if even then."_

He was certain he had just seen the flash of the man that could be hurtful, he was present in the room at this very moment just well hidden and masked, contained even by the charming handsome man who now sat before them engrossing them with stories about Belgian Kings and missionary work. But Liam saw him for what he truly was, a man with cruelty. He had managed to make himself endearing to them for so long that is why Liam had gone into business with him; he was starting to see a cocky side to his partner.

He thought of all the times Carla look truly afraid, almost terrified and he knew it was more to do with the simple fear of committing adultery, her fear had gone far beyond that. Tony must have terrorized her. But Liam was going to take her away from all of that at whatever cost, she didn't deserve to suffer and he could take care of her way better than Tony ever could.

Liam is staring and he keeps on staring until Tony makes eye contact. Liam will not drop his because he wants to send a clear message…"I see you, I see what you really are." Finally Tony breaks it, looking up occasionally at Liam's glaring eyes, he looks perplexed and caught off guard and Liam is satisfied.

"You can't fool me," Liam thinks to himself, " I see the faces you have, the side you show the world and the one that is kept secret."

He had seen the secret ever since he laid eyes on Carla Gordon It was in her eyes; they were etched with the scares of Tony's evil. Liam had to figure out a way to get her away from him and quickly.


	18. Chapter 18

**The song used in this section is called **_**Twilight and Mist**_**, by James Horner and Brock Walsh from the Movie **_**Legends of the Fall**_**. It is a really beautiful song so I thought I'd put it in here. Anyways I hope you guys are all enjoying the story.**

"Hush now darling everything will be all right, tomorrow will be better you'll see, you'll see…"

Mary was cradling Carla's head. They were propped up in the bed that Sunday evening, Carla had not come out since she had left Giulia's performance. She feels absolutely horrible, a failure of a mother. Her child needed her and once again she was not around. She knew Tony would be furious with her for dashing out, but for now Mary said he was away on a house call. Carla was relieved because she would be free if his wrath for a little while. She only needed time to figure out what she was going to do about this baby growing inside of her.

Carla had considered going back to London to stay with her mother, but Mary convinced her it would be better if her mother came to the Palace. Tony had made it quite clear that if she ever upped and leaved for London again, all bets would be off and she could say goodbye to her daughter. If she did leave him, there was a very big chance her father would be furious with her and not welcome her into his home. Even worse he could just have her shipped off to the asylum again. She couldn't risk it with him; he was just as callous and stern as Tony. However she could appeal to her mother Martha Donovan to figure something out. Her mother had always had a soft spot for Carla.

"I've sent the telegram to your mother like you asked. I'll keep an eye out and make sure Mr. Gordon doesn't get his hands on it. If we are lucky she will be here by Saturday."

Carla was feeling anxious, her tremors still very pronounced. "I can't afford to wait that long."

Carla had decided that she was going to keep the secret of the baby's existence from Liam Connor and she had also decided that in order to play it safe she would have to cut off all contact from him. She couldn't risk falling into temptation again and pouring out her heart and soul to him. Carla told herself that it would be easier this way, but in the back of her mind she was also afraid what his reaction would be if he found out she was with child. Would he love her still? Men had a way of loving a woman when everything was easy, but when things got tough they often bolted. The reality of the situation is that Liam was young and due to marry someone who wasn't her one-day, this would sully his reputation and she didn't want that for him. She had to leave the Palace, before she had a chance to meet him again.

"I will try my best Mrs. Gordon, I will contact your brother Robert in Dublin. Perhaps you could have the baby there away from all the gossip."

"Please do Mary," Carla says trying to be optimistic, "Barely anyone knows me in Dublin. I moved away as a child."

Mary smiles at Carla, "You must put a bit of food in your stomach. You have to feed the child and yourself if you're going to get through this pregnancy in one piece."

Carla wasn't hungry in fact she still felt extremely queasy but Mary had a point. She had to eat something; she wasn't doing herself any favors by depraving herself food. She shifted in the bed paranoid of the child that existed inside of her, she felt like it was a parasite threatening to make her life even more miserable. How could she have been such a fool? How could she have let herself succumb to weakness like she had? But it was not all her fault it was Liam's as well. He couldn't just leave her be, admire her from a distance he pursued her relentlessly and now she was stuck with a child that could very well be his.

But the rape…yes the rape it was even more reason to discard the child. If it was Tony's she wasn't sure she could bear to look at it. With Giulia it was different, because the child had been conceived in a period where Carla hadn't truly figured out just who her husband was. No one had ever told her what to expect, not her mother, grandmother or aunt. So when he had raped her the first time the evil act that had conceived Giulia she had only felt confused. She knew that what he was doing was wrong, because she had fought to keep him off of her. She didn't know how love happened between a man and wife, so when he forced her legs apart and thrust inside of her she lay numb and unresponsive. The tears were running down her cheeks and she had felt guilty, like she was an immature child not ready to grow up. Tony had been especially sweet to her up until this point, and even afterwards he told her how much he had loved her. She thinks of the words she uttered to Liam...

"_He used to say he loved me before he hurt me, now he hurts me before he says he loves me…"_

If only Liam had known the true depth of pain that existed behind those words, the weight they carried in her chest. But she ignored it when her Giulia was born because at the time she still loved her husband dearly; she was willing to ignore the monstrous acts slowly taking root in him. Tony doted on the girl as a baby, and Carla couldn't reconcile the loving father to the man that raped her. Things were different now, she didn't know if she had it in her to love the baby inside. She feels so low but it is the truth. Lost in her thoughts, Carla hasn't noticed that Mary has left her to get food and that her husband now stands before her in the doorway of the master bedroom. He looks disappointed.

"So this is where you have been all afternoon and evening?" Tony says slowly taking off his tie and walking towards the dresser. He is examining his eyes they look tired. "You know it was very rude just to leave while Father Xavier was a guest, and Giulia is very upset, she worked so hard on her vocals."

"I'm sorry Antony. I was ill."

"Really," says Antony shooting her a side look. His brown eyes are full of such malice, "But you're feeling better now aren't you? "His tone is a deadly mixture of concern and mockery. Carla is tempted to curl into her signature feeble position, it takes all the strength of her being not to. Tony throws his tie on the chair and walks toward her planting himself at her side on the bed. He reaches forward to feel her head, his eyes gleaming with delight at the anguish he is causing her. "It seems the sickness has left you, no fever in sight."

"I am feeling better now Antony. It was just my stomach."

"Well that is good," he removes his hand from her forehead, "In any case I've just returned from a house call at the Connors."

Carla's eyes widen for a moment she is very curious, "Oh?"

"Yes, poor chap Liam had bit of a fainting spell. Nothing serious though so you ought not to worry."

"Why should I worry?" Carla almost snapped. Her husband has had suspicions about her and Liam from the beginning, or at least he like to use them as reason to abuse her.

Tony leers at her, "I'm only joking darling. I trust you, you trust me don't you?"

"Yes Antony," Carla says in rehearsed fashion. She is extremely uncomfortable with his presence.

"Good, I just thought I'd demonstrate our trust by sharing with you my days events. I met the matriarch of the family. She is quite some lady, very opinionative and strong headed. I told her of the party we planned to through for Paul come next Saturday and she practically demanded I change it to Sunday to accommodate her schedule."

"Well she is Paul's mother. It makes perfect sense she would want to be there. You're not angry I hope?"

Tony gave her a fake smile and uncharacteristically grabbed her hand. He examined her fingers, "I've missed looking at your hands you know I always said you had the most beautiful hands. You were great at the piano our Giulia takes after you."

Carla stares at him dumbfounded by his remarkable ability to alternate between pure malice and then be kind the next. She watches as he lowers his head so his lips brush her hand delicately. There is that guilt again which she feels so periodically.

"What was the name of that song, you used to play again?"

"I don't know Antony, I've played many songs."

Tony ignores her lost in a world of nostalgia, " How'd it go again, oh yes I remember now, _…"As evening fell a maiden stood at the edge of a wood…"_

"…_In her hands lay the reins of a stallion,"_ Carla heard herself continued surprised at her forthcoming behavior, _" And ne'er I seen a girl as fair, heard a gentler voice anywhere. Whispered "Alas…" She belonged, belong another—Another forever. Yes, she belonged to the twilight and mist…"_

"Yes," Tony whispers faintly and Carla can see the first genuine smile etched across his face in a long time, "Yes that's the song. You should sing it for our guests at the party, like you did the first time I came around to your parents home. You still have the voice of an angel."

Carla is confused; the song does bring back fond memories of another time. But now things are just so messed up, but she is warming to this softer kinder side of Tony and feels it is best to appease him. It is so much easier to live when he isn't ready to smack her across the face, "I suppose I can, if you'd like that."

"I'd like it very much my dear Caroline."

Carla considers correcting him and telling him to call her Carla, but she doesn't want to ruin a good thing. Instead she decides to tell him that she has sent for his mother. He wanted honesty so she would be as honest as she could afford at the present time. "I sent a telegram for my mother, I've missed her and wish for her to come visit me. I wanted to tell you so there will be no surprises if and when she shows up on Wednesday."

The dark look returns to Tony's face immediately. He is annoyed because he has never liked her mother and Carla can tell he is very upset that Carla would defy him by inviting her. But he composes his face to represent his new understanding side. "Of course, we'll get Libby to prepare one of the guest rooms." Abruptly he gets up and walks towards the bathroom, shutting the door.

Carla can hear him whistling. It is the same theme he whistled after he had raped her last week. It's Tony's way of reminding her that he has not changed, that this is an act and illusion. It is a threat, she knows her husband he is telling her in the most non-violent way he can to tread lightly and not go behind his back again.


	19. Chapter 19

"Mrs. Gordon your mother's car has just arrived."

It was Wednesday morning and Carla was sitting in the sunroom reading a novel, she had just endured breakfast with Tony before he went to work. He wouldn't even stay long enough to see her mother arrive. Carla plops her book down and slips her feet into her slippers. Slowly she raises her dress so it will not drag as she races past all the servants. The housekeeper Libby is following at her heels. As soon as Carla steps outside she see's her mother's driver opening the door. She waits anxiously as her mother's big hat comes into view and her white gloves clamp the drivers for support. Her mother lifts her head delicately like a swan and Carla is met with the stare of identical green eyes, dark brown hair and tanned olive skin.

"Ma 'ma," Carla smiles still holding the hem of her dress she rushes down and is met by her mothers all encompassing hug.

"My own darling," Martha Donovan beams, "I am so happy to see you."

Carla returns her mother's smile and then turning to Libby she says, "Have the driver bring my mothers bags inside. She will be upstairs in the room opposite of Giulia."

"Yes ma'am," replies Libby and she diligently goes towards the driver instructing him on where to take the bags.

Carla takes her mothers hands and they make their way up the steps.

"He's changed the outside," Martha remarks, "It used to be neo classical and now it's in the Vanderbilt fashion."

"Yes ma 'ma Antony likes American styles better."

"And just where is my son-in-law at this moment?"

"He is at his practice it is very busy."

"He doesn't even need to work," Martha said impatiently as the servant took her coat, hat and gloves. Carla was leading her mother to the sitting room, where she had instructed beverages and snacks be brought out.

"He likes his work, but enough about him ma 'ma, I do hope you bought a dress like I asked, for the waltz this Sunday."

"Yes Caroline I have. Although I do wonder what all this is about; me being here that is?"

The two women sat opposite of one another as the Mary poured them each a glass of fresh cider.

"This was made with the fresh apples in the gardens of the Palace," Carla remarks as her mother takes a sip, "What do you think?"

"I think it lovely, just the right amount of sweetness not overdone. The Palace looks splendid as well, the change on the outside was shocking but I admit it is rather beautiful."

"How is father?" Carla asks her mother just to be polite. Quite frankly she was quite sore with him for making her come back here in the first place.

"Your father is well, he is worried about you though."

Carla gives her mother a look of disbelief. Her father only cared about himself and the family's general image. But then again her mother was the same; Martha had wanted Carla to leave London because her Salon meetings had become ridicule with countless questions about her daughters marriage.

"I know you don't believe it, but your father does love you dearly. But he is from a different time and he takes his Catholic religion seriously. He believes in the infallibility of the Pope on all matters and Divorce is wrong. I agree with him, divorce is wrong and against everything our family believes in."

Carla was exhausted she did not wish to discuss this anymore. She thought her parents would view her return to the Palace as a sign that she had accepted her fate of being stuck in a loveless marriage. This was obviously not the case.

"You must remember the duty of your soul, earthly pain is nothing next to an eternity outside the grace of our savior."

Carla is upset, she feels like a child all over again being scolded and locked in her room. Having to kneel and for hours in the grace God praying He not forget her. She feels so pitiful like there is something wrong with her, because she has tried so hard all her life to please her father, only to disappoint him. She never seemed to get the Lord's teachings right and now she had actively committed adultery. Carla had always adored her mother even though she could be stern and demanding.

"You have a duty to raise your daughter in proper household with stability, money, and opportunity. You can't forsake her future for the sake of your own happiness. Life is a series of sacrifices Caroline, especially for us women."

"I know," Carla says meekly.

Martha gives her daughter a sad smile and reaches over the table to squeeze Carla's hand. Her mother truly did want what was best for Carla.

"What is your sin child? Why did you call me here so urgently?"

Carla had been ready to tell her mother this morning all about Liam, but now she was not so sure she could anymore. She felt like such complete crap already, she did not need her mother judging her anymore. But even still her mother would be more understanding than her father and more importantly be willing to help Carla conceal the pregnancy, if it came to that.

"I'm with child mother," Carla finally spits out.

Her mother's identical green eyes light up at once and she squeezes Carla's hand, "That's wonderful news Caroline, is it not?"

"There's a very big possibility it may not be Antony's."

Immediately the smile leaves Martha's face and she stares at Carla with hollow eyes removing her hand quickly. She jumps up with such a force it almost gives Carla a fright. Franticly Martha Donovan begins to pace the room.

"I knew it, I knew it, as soon as you called me up from London. Dotty Sutherland says the exact same thing happened with her niece Marianne, but I told her that she was being silly. Well now I see she was right. How long have you known of this?"

"I-I just found out," Carla manages before looking down at the table ashamed.

"An you're certain you're pregnant?"

"Yes ma 'ma."

"Who is he then?" Martha says curtly. "Who is this man that can't keep his hands off a married woman?"

"It doesn't matter ma 'ma because I won't be seeing him again."

Martha looks absolutely angry, "You wont—you," she lifts her hands to her temple in despair, "You won't see him again! Oh how thoughtful of you Caroline, you better not see him again!"

"Mother please don't yell, the servants will hear. I'm ashamed as it is."

"You should be young lady. What were you thinking? How can you be so foolish, you know exactly what Antony is like? How can you risk behaving like this, do you not remember what he did to you a couple of months ago?"

Carla is now in tears her mother is right, but she wasn't using her head she was following her heart. It was no use trying to explain this to her mother though, Martha would not hear of it.

"I'm so sorry mummy. I wasn't thinking, he was so kind and different from Antony…"

"I don't need details Caroline. I suppose it is as good time as any to sort this out. You are not to see that man, whoever he may be again. Do you understand?"

Carla didn't nod her head; she sat in a state of turmoil. She didn't truly know of she could give up seeing Liam. She could not imagine a world in which she would be completely deprived of him, not allowed to even look at him.

"Mrs. Gordon," says a servant popping her head into the sitting room, "You have a Mr. Liam Connor on the line for you. He has called four times already, poor fellow doesn't seem to understand you having drinks with your mother."

Carla gives the servant a look of absolute terror she wants to hide her face and disappear. But her mother has already made the connection; it is too late.

"It's him isn't it?" Martha whispers, "Answer me Caroline, it's that gentleman Liam Connor the shipping heir…ANSWER ME AT ONCE!"

"What does it matter?" Carla says pitifully.

All the sudden Martha stops pacing and calls the servant over, "Girl, keep Mr. Connor on the line, I shall like to speak him."

"Yes ma'am," responds the servant.

"And girl, I warn you do not mention this conversation you have just witnessed to anyone. If you do there shall be hell to pay. Are we clear?"

"Yes ma'am."

Martha marches towards the entrance after the servant leaving Carla wallowing in tears. But it finally sinks in where Martha is going and Carla hastily gets up following her out the door.

"Mother what are you doing? Ma 'ma please don't speak to him!"

The servants all around stop astounded by Carla's frantic pleas. Her mother however makes it to the Antony's office where one of the phones is located and ignores her daughter, picking up the line.

"This is a Mr. Liam Connor I presume?"

Carla hears a faint chatter on the other end.

"Never you mind where Caroline is, just know that you are not to call this house again looking for her or I shall tell her husband Antony Gordon."

More chatter at the other end and Carla rushes over trying to grab at the phone but her mother gives her a deadly warning look.

"Sir, I am not going to say it again. I am Martha Donovan, Caroline's mother and I am giving direct orders from my daughter herself. I'm sorry if you do not believe it, but please respect the sanctity of marriage and not call again." Martha Donovan slams down the phone.

Carla has slumped onto the floor crying. She wishes she could have spoken to him, but it seems as though she has completely lost her voice.

"It had to be done Caroline. If I took your word for it you would have never really broken it off. But it's better this way because now the gentleman knows not to bother you we can finally focus on the matter at hand."

Carla still cannot bring herself to speak. She is becoming increasingly aware of the prison she has just spun for herself. Her mother has just taken her last chance at freedom. The walls are slowly closing in and now she has nothing to look forward to but nine months of isolation where all parts of her life will be monitored and controlled.

"I think we shall stay for the party as to not infuriate your husband. But after Sunday I shall contact your brother Robert and his wife Ruth, we will go to Dublin and once there safely we can send a telegram to Antony telling him of your condition. You'll have the baby there under my care and afterwards we will figure out what to do from there."

"I don't want to leave my Giulia," Carla sobs, " I can't bear to be away from her again."

"You should have thought of that before you went and committed a sin against God as you have. You can't commit sins and not expect to be punished for them. I am doing what is best for you. Would you rather suffer with Tony for nine months carrying a baby that isn't his, or would you rather be away in peaceful place?"

Carla doesn't say anything.

"That's what I thought," says Martha Donovan, "Now pick yourself up child, that is no way to behave at your age. Wipe your tears; I shall get Mary to draw you a bath. Afterwards we can walk around gardens, have a game of crochet with Giulia even."

Carla gets up immediately given her mother a nod in defeat she goes up stairs where Mary draws her a bath. She sits in the tub tempted to sink her chin just so, so that her head can submerge and she wont have to feel the pain anymore. She hears a gentle knock on the door as Mary peeks her head in to check on her.

"Are you alright Miss?"

"Yes," Carla says croaking back the lump in her throat, "What is it, what do you want?"

Mary rushes forward she is carrying a piece of paper; she looks over her shoulder before discreetly handing Carla the paper.

"What is this?"

"A letter, from Mr. Liam Connor. His cousin Phillipa came to the front door while you were in the office with your mother. She gave it to me quickly before driving away with her chauffeur. Seems the Connor gentleman knew it would be difficult to reach you. He has been trying since Monday."

Carla accepts the letter and Mary leaves her alone. Carla doesn't know if she should open it. Her mother has already made it clear she is not to have any association with him anymore. Hell she even said she wouldn't see him ever again. But she wants to read it she has to. Slowly she unfolds the letter

_Dear Carla,_

_I don't know why I'm writing this, truth is I've been working on this letter since the day we met. It's impossible for me to articulate how I feel when I'm in your presence. I get light headed and nervous, but I have to make you understand how I feel._

_All my life I've been accustomed to women throwing themselves at me, my family wealth has allowed for tremendous success and opportunity. But all the admiration in the world can't fill the spot where love goes. When I see with him, I know he can never make you as happy as I can. He thinks of you like you're a doll, his plaything that he can but on display and when the evenings over shut you back in your box. But I don't see that, I see you for who you are, the person you could be, the person you will be. All you have to do is find the courage to break free, believe that you can be free._

_I don't why lately, but I've been thinking a lot about the times I spent on my father's ships. When all the possibilities of life seemed endless, but then I met you and now I know this is not the case. I could very well lose you, but I have to try, I have to let you know what I feel or I will regret it for the rest of my life. All of my chances swim, like sinking ships. This time it's it; I'll drown or make you mine._

_~Liam_

Carla can feel the tears coming again. He made it seem so easy, she thought. But maybe that was because it was supposed to be. He loves her and she loves him, so why the hell was she so afraid? Liam wasn't afraid he would risk anything for her. But he didn't have the wrath of Tony to think about, or the coldness of her father Mark Donovan. He didn't have the judgment of God seeping through her mother's eyes. She is crying because she is afraid, she can't keep living like this in an endless cycle of indecisiveness. One moment completely devoted to being a faithful wife and mother, the next wanting to be another man's lover. She is crying because she knows the time is coming where she will have to have the strength to make the decision to leave Tony, and it is a decision she never truly thought she would ever be brave enough to make.

Women weren't supposed to make decisions like that, they were supposed to be content with being beautiful dolls with no opinions. It was how her father raised her, and because of her condition it was easy for him to break her. It was also easier for her to cope, when she just shut her mind off and gave the men in any given room her dazzling smile. They didn't care what she thought, but Liam did; he was the first. Slowly she lets the letter drop from her delicate fingers, watching as it floats to the tile. Then she puts her head beneath the water, she knows her mind is pushing her towards it, towards making a choice. But Carla is not ready to make a choice that is _the_ choice.

…_This time it's it; I'll drown or make you mine._

She'd rather drown.


	20. Chapter 20

It was Sunday evening as the Connor family made there way to Paradise Palace for the party Tony was holding in Paul's honor. Elleaónra had insisted they follow the evenings theme in all respects and hired two Clarence carriages for the evening to take the family to and from the party. Each carriage seated four people and Liam some how got stuck in the carriage with his mother, Paul, and Margaret. While his sister Michelle, cousin, and father rode with good family friend Samuel Wellington in the other. The sun was setting as the horses galloped down the long path of the Palace, and Liam felt anxious.

Liam had been trying to talk to Carla all week, and on the Wednesday when he had called her home he was greeted by the harshness of one such lady called Martha Donovan. Apparently she was Carla's mother and threatened that if he ever called Carla again, she would tell Tony Gordon. Luckily Liam remembered his cousin Phillipa's eagerness to help deliver love letters, he enlisted her help in this matter. Phillipa managed to slip the letter he had written to a servant named Mary, but still Liam had not heard from Carla.

"…See the trees on this property Margaret, Gordon specifically fashioned them after the trees at Versailles. He can deny it all he wants but I know the truth. I've been to Versailles," Tony talked on and on just loving the sound of his own voice. Margaret as usual looked haughty and indifferent, just shrugging her shoulders as Paul pointed the landscape out to her.

"I'd hardly call this a Palace," Elleaónra says, "I thought his money could buy him a way finer house. And I am not a fan of the outside architecture."

Here she goes again Liam thought, trying to put down somebody else. Liam was in no mood for this evening. He shouldn't have come, he thought. Perhaps it would have been better if he stayed home. But he couldn't bring himself to be deprived a chance of seeing her again. He had to no she was okay; he had to know what she was thinking.

They finally pulled up to the main entrance of the house, where other guests were arriving as well. The driver opened the carriage door taking Margaret's hand first and then Elleaónra's as well. Both ladies were wearing 19th century evening gowns with a train and long white gloves. Paul and Liam were dressed in white tie and as they stepped out of the carriage, their father's pulled up behind them. The door opened and Michelle and Phillipa came out immediately.

"I am so excited," says Michelle, "I can hardly wait to dance. I wonder where my husband is? He said he'd meet me here with his parents."

"I'm sure Thomas will be here shortly," Liam tells her.

"You must save the first Quadrille for me Liam," Phillipa chimes in waving her fan about, "Oh goodness the corset is making it very difficult for me to breath."

Liam smiles at his cousin, she could be so dramatic but she always made him laugh. "Shall we ladies," Liam says holding out an arm each lady. They accepted and all three made their way up the stairs into the grand entrance.

"I do hope they have a grand ballroom," Margaret says from behind them.

"Of course they will Margaret. I don't know why you ask such things," snaps Elleaónra.

"I'm the guest of honor all these people bustling about think this party is for them but it's for me," says Paul.

Liam rolls his eyes but he is wondering where Tony is. The Palace is crowded with many guest and servants running back and forth. Pages are ushering them towards a grand ballroom. It is truly magnificent; Liam cannot believe he has never seen it before. Tony has kept it well hidden, he wonders what other secrets this house is hiding. The ballroom was sculpted in gold furnishings with large chandeliers hanging from the ceiling.

"Liam!"

Liam turns around to see Elena Dorsher and her younger sister Romola beaming at him. He is glad to see some friendly faces and makes his way over to them kissing both sisters on the cheek.

"How are you Elena?"

"I am well. How are you? I haven't talked to you since hunting."

"I am okay, just very busy with the business and what not."

"Lovely house," pipes up Elena's sister Romola.

"Yes lovely," says Tom appearing out of nowhere, Michelle is flanked at his side. Samuel and his wife also named Margaret join them as well. They all proceed to greet each other.

"Where is the man of honor?" asks Elena, "He loves attention our Paul."

"Better yet where is the host Antony Gordon?" says Samuel, "He hasn't shown his face yet. These nouvelle rich sorts as Paul would say…"

"And aren't we supposed to have dinner first? I saw the grand dinning room set up I am simply famished," adds Elena.

"Oh she looks lovely," whispers Romola who is looking in the direction facing the door.

Everyone in the group swings around and Liam sees Carla walk into the room. She is wearing an evening gown with a train and an Edwardian style Corsetry silhouette. It was yellow dress with a white train that was adorned with a green pattern. From her elegant neck hung a emerald necklace. Her hair was done up in a bun and adorned with delicate jewels. Nervously she scanned the room, until their eyes met. For a moment they kept staring at each other until a woman of similar features and heavier stature joins her side. Liam assumed this must be Martha Donovan; Tony Gordon joins them shortly. Liam kept staring at Carla trying to catch her eye, but it was obvious she is trying to avoid his.

"I thank you-"

Liam heard the clanking of a spoon against a wine glass. The rooms incessant chatter stopped at once. Tony demanded his guest's attention.

"I thank you all for coming tonight," Tony's eyes scanned the room leering at his guests. "As you all very well know, I am throwing this ball in honor of my new friend and business partner Paul Connor."

The crowd erupted in applause and Liam spotted his brother making a smug bow, while Margaret stands at his side holding her fan and looking absolutely mortified.

"Yes Paul is an amazing business partner and friend. Come up here Paul!"

Paul made his way to Tony's side and smiled at the crowed holding up his glass.

"But it just dawned on me that his brother Liam is just as dear a friend and business partner. I don't think it fair to only give Paul the special treatment, so come up here Liam."

Liam stood rooted for a moment. He was surprised and wondered what Tony was playing at. He felt the push of his sister Michelle.

"What are you waiting for? Go up there silly."

Liam makes his way to the front; he can't help but look at Carla who is just as surprised as he is. He wants to talk to her; he wishes he could read her mind. But she is unreachable on the other side of Tony.

"Thank you," he says curtly, "I enjoy working for my family so it is nothing really."

Tony ignores his unfriendly tone and smiles his irritating fake smile with the signature evil cold eyes.

"Now I know you all must be hungry," Tony says the crowd erupting in faint chuckles, "But I'm a firm believer in having people earn their keep. I do enjoy a good waltz and can't resist a little dance before dinner. What do you say guests? Shall we waltz a while before our meal."

The crowd erupted in agreement and on cue like he was some god Tony nods to the orchestra and conductor. The music starts to play and immediately Liam recognizes Tchaikovsky's _Swan Lake Waltz_. The men line up on the side as Tony takes Martha Donovan's hand. A servant lifts up her train placing it in her free hand and they start the Quadrille.

Liam takes Phillipa's hand as more couple's slowly start to fill the ballroom. He can't take his eyes off Carla, who he notices is talking to another beautiful young woman with brown hair and blue eyes. Liam believes her name is Maria Sutherland. Carla has her back to Liam but the girl notices him staring and leans in to whisper in Carla's ear. Carla briefly looks over her shoulder, giving him an uncomfortable look. He doesn't understand why she was behaving as she is. He understands the need to be discreet but she was being completely cold. Liam moves Phillipa purposefully across the ballroom to be closer to Carla.

"Mrs. Gordon," says a man Liam recognizes as Peter Barlow, "May I have the honor of a dance?"

"Oh no, I never dance Mr. Barlow you know that."

"But you must, I insist."

Carla spots Liam near her at this moment and knowing that he can hear the entire conversation abruptly agrees, "Well if you insist." She takes Peters hand and they waltz through the room to get away from him. She was so evasive.

Liam quickly sets his cousin off to the side he doesn't have much time. As soon as Peter is done he swings into to take Carla, she is shocked but cannot protest. Her green eyes stare at him as he gently puts his right hand around her waist. She puts her right arm on his shoulder and with her free hand holds her train. They gently breeze through the room.

"So you don't like to waltz?" Liam says grinning at her.

"I don't like to do a lot of things," she says her voice is struggling to sound powerful.

"Apparently," Liam says making sure to maintain eye contact, "And apparently one of those things includes not responding to letters."

Carla breaks eye contact looking past his shoulder. Her throat looks to be sore all the sudden.

"I've been meaning to give the letter back."

"You cannot give a letter back," Liam responds. He see's her eyes are starting to well with tears. "Nor can you give back a thought, a kiss…"

They continue to waltz through the ballroom amongst a crowd of people, but they might as well be the only ones in it.

"Please…"

"I don't under stand you Carla. Can you really forget what has happen between us? How right it was?"

"Liam, I beg you stop it…"

"Why? It was perfect Carla."

"I know," Carla whispers meekly, "I think about it everyday, but I'm married."

"Not this again…"

"I don't have a choice, whatever this is between us has to end. It isn't fair to Tony."

Liam can't believe his ears, he is furious. What more could he do to prove to this woman that she deserved better.

"Don't you see? He has trapped, he doesn't love you."

"What, and I suppose you do sir?" Carla looks just as furious, "You don't even know me. We known each other a month and you expect me to leave my husband of nine years for you?"

Liam is taken aback her voice sounds venomous and he can't even comprehend who she is anymore. Her voice seems full of malice.

Slowly but with determination he removes her hands from his shoulders. They are now standing just glaring at one another while people around them dance on and on to the Swan Lake Waltz.

"You know, I don't know what I expected Carla. I guess I thought you maybe grow a bit of a back bone and break free for once."

"Well maybe I don't need saving sir. You're the one who started this. I was perfectly content in my life."

"And you're the one whose ended it. I see it clearly now you rather drowned then do anything to change your situation. Enjoy your content life," Liam swings around and maneuvers his way towards the exit. He just wants to leave, he sees Martha Donovan eyeing him and he glares at her, "I hope you're happy, you got what you wanted Madam."

Liam needs to get out of here and although he just told Carla off in a strong and dignified manner. He can feel his heart breaking into a million pieces. He thought of what Phillipa had told him, about every woman having a price. He didn't think Carla had a price at all, she would never leave the glided cage, and he couldn't waist time waiting for her to make up her mind. Perhaps Phillipa was right when she said he had to make sure she cared for him as much as he had her, it seems to Liam like he is the one who cared about Carla more.


	21. Chapter 21

_She hears the anger magnified in her voice but it does not match her hear .This game of deception makes her sick but still she digs the knife in deeper. It's easier this way she tells herself._

"_What am I suppose to do sir? You don't even know me. We've known each other a month and you expect me to leave my husband of nine years for you?" _

_Yes she thinks that's exactly what I am supposed to do, I am supposed to leave Tony. I belong with Liam. But her mother's glare is on her like the judgment of God himself. The voice that constantly tells her God punishes sinners, so even though her heart is breaking and even though she causing Liam's to break to, she does it because in some sick way she knows it's better to forget he ever happened in her life._

_The finality of it all is the fatality_

"…_And you're the one whose ended it."_

_He stares at her with emptiness and it takes all the strength of her mind to stare right back at him, to hold her ground. This is her death, his hands removed from her, she realizes she will never be a person with a place in his world. Removed from his touch she will never know that experience of love again._

_Carla watches him go moving through the crowd of gleeful dancers. Will he ever feel that joy again? Has she tainted his perception of love forever? _

_She feels a surge of urgency overcome her. She cannot let him walk away, out the door and out of her life forever. She can't accept that he will never touch her that way again, never look at her the same, ever be hers again. So she moves her arms through the crowd, wading like she is in an ocean of water trying to navigate through sharks that want to hold her down. She won't let her mother or Tony get to her, she'll wade against the tide, fight, sink or swim. His words are like music to her…_

…_All of my chances swim, like sinking ships. This time it's it; I'll drown or make you mine._

_She fights her way through the crowd like she is fighting for her life but when she reaches the end he has already gone. She hears her mother calling after her, ordering her to stay, but she doesn't she is brave now, Carla has to be._

_He isn't in the hallway and she starts to panic. Where could he have gone so quickly? Franticly she breaks into a run, searching every corridor, every room shouting out his name._

"_Liam!" _

_But there isn't any answer. Then she goes to the front of the house and something tells her to go outside and search the garden. Her feet are hurting from all that running so she reaches down and pulls off her shows urgently before flinging them to the side. She looks out onto the porch and sees a figure with broad shoulders, quickly she lets out a sigh of relief and lifting her dress so the train doesn't drag she runs towards him._

"_Liam, oh Liam," Carla cries, "I'm sorry I didn't mean it…"_

_But doesn't wait for her to explain he scoops her up into his arms kissing her._

"_I didn't mean a single word…"_

"_Shh," he says stroking her cheek gently, "It's okay beautiful girl, don't cry. Promise me you won't cry."_

_Carla can't explain why but it makes her cry more. He is too good to be true. Liam stares at her with his vivid blue eyes an intrigued amusement._

"_I don't know what just happened back there," Carla says breathlessly, "It wasn't like me at all."_

" _We just had our first fight I suppose."_

_There was a moment of silence and then,_

"_Come with me. Leave him and come with me," Liam whispers. His voice is steady and full of conviction._

_Carla stares as he extends out his hand for her to take it. He is offering her so much more than his hand; he is offering her a life that could be full of possibility; A life where she can be free to be who she really is. But he is reminding her that the chance is hers to take, her choice to make. She just has to be brave._

"_Sink or swim," Carla whispers._

"_What?"_

"_Sink or swim?"_

"_Both," Liam says, "We'll have to do both. But if that's what it takes to make you mine then that's what I'll do Carla Remember I'll always wait for you."_

_She leans in to kiss him once more; this was what she wants to her more than anything else and then…_

"Carla, earth to Carla."

She is dragged from her daydream. She hadn't been brave to after what she wanted after all. Carla is standing in the middle of the ballroom couples still waltzing around her as _Tchaikovsky's Sleeping beauty waltz _is now being played by the orchestra. Her dear friend Maria is smiling at her accompanied by Peter Barlow.

"Mrs. Gordon are you alright?"

"How long have I been standing here?"

"Not long darling, not long at all," says Maria before adding, "Although I did see you having what looked to be quite the heated conversation with the handsome Connor fellow."

"It was nothing of the sort," Carla says almost too quickly.

Peter Barlow furrows his eyebrows, "Nonetheless Mrs. Gordon, you ought to take a rest somewhere. You look agitated, perhaps we should get you away from all the noise."

"Yes lets," chimed in Maria. "You need a rest, perhaps a little fresh air."

"Miss. Sutherland you need not worry. I know you do enjoy a good waltz, I can take care of her," Peter says.

"Are you sure?" Maria asks although she can barely hide her excitement to waltz again.

"Yes, Peter reassures her, "Now go on before they finish this number."

Maria playfully taps Peter's nose with her fan before turning to Carla and giving her arm a gentle squeeze. Then she hears the familiar voices of Fiona and Kirk calling to her and goes off to join them.

It is just Carla and Peter. Carla looks up at him in a daze, she is feeling light headed again and his invitation to find a place to sit is most welcome. She lets him guide her out of the room in a moment where her husband and mother are occupied with other guests. She barely knows this Peter gentleman but she rather go off with him then be suffocated by all the people who are supposed to love her.

"Where to Miss?" Peter asks putting his arm out to escort her like a gentleman.

"Anywhere but here. Lets go outside, but first I need a little drink in me."

"Are you sure that is a good idea Mrs. Gordon, we haven't even been served dinner yet."

"To hell with good ideas," Carla says boldly. She snaps her fingers at a passing server and grabs two flutes of champagne off the tray. She offers one to Peter but he declines.

"I don't drink," Peter tells her.

"Suit yourself Mr. Barlow, " Carla says downing her glass, " Just more for me."

They walk outside along the property and Carla can feel her feet begin to ache. She has the urge to hurl something so she grabs her shoes off her feet and flings them across the lawn. Peter stares at her simply amused.

"I have a feeling rest may not be the issue with you. Perhaps it's restlessness?"

They find a bench and Carla skips over to it. For some reason she feels the need to go all out and exaggerate the craziness she is feeling, she needs a distraction from the pain a way to forget about Liam. She does a bunch of turnouts until she reached the bench. She wanted to get a reaction out of Peter, something big. Liam had accepted her decision so easily it was almost anti-climatic. This made her sad because their romance ended with such finality it was easy to think that it never started.

"What are you a ballerina?" Peter says cocking his head to the side.

"I was," Carla responds.

"Oh yeah, when?"

"Up until I was fourteen," Carla says staring at him with her wide green eyes. She was observing how he was admiring her. She knew that he already intrigued him. And just because she was looking to escape her state of life for a little while, she was willing to entertain him.

"You have a neck like a swan you know?'

" I was a very good dancer, my father once considered sending me to a school in Russia for ballet," Carla said ignoring him. She continued to do turns.

"Careful now, you'll trip on your train."

Peter rush forward to scoop up the train of her dress and hand it to her. Their fingers touched briefly and Liam couldn't help but think of Liam, and the first time their hands had brushed so lightly.

"So what happened? Why didn't your father but you into a ballet academy."

"Because I suffered from bouts of hysteria as a child."

Peter's eyes widened immediately and Carla observed as he tried to think of something to say. She was enjoying making him uncomfortable. But she felt a bit bad because he was so nice.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he finally managed.

"No worries," Carla said with an air of effortlessness as she started to go on pointe.

"Are you giving me a free recital or something? I would quite like it if we sat down now."

Carla stopped her antics at once accepting defeat. She slumped onto the bench and Peter joined her. The night was starting to get chilly. Carla let out a shiver. Peter reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a flask. Carla gaped at him wide eyed and let out a laugh as he began to unscrew it.

"What?" Peter says.

"I thought you didn't drink?"

"Oh that, I lied," he says grinning before saying, "Well technically I didn't lie because I don't drink champagne. I find it god awful, a drink for the sissy men."

Carla let out another laugh, "You are something else you know that?'

Peter returns her amused expression, "You're not bad yourself Mrs. Gordon. I do enjoy random ballet recitals in gardens. It is a favorite past time of mine."

Carla really can't help but laugh again. She can't believe how comfortable Peter makes her feel. He wasn't domineering like Tony nor did he possess the intensity of Liam. He was just a laid back sort of man, who just wanted to kick back and have fun. Carla was more than willing to take him up on the offer. He hands her the flask and Carla takes a big swig. The taste is absolutely bitter, she has to fight the urge to not spit it out.

"Goodness! What is that?"

"Moonshine."

"It is absolutely horrid, not a drink for a lady."

"Plenty of ladies are drinking it in America nowadays. Prohibition has turned man and woman alike into desperate rabid maniacs. They will do anything for a good drink"

"Oh really?"

"Yep, and I give it to them. I have a couple of American friends they got me in on the business. They've gotten creative with smuggling the liquor to; using it as fuel they're for cars. If you ever come to America I'll show you."

"What makes you think I'd ever visit you in America," Carla says slyly.

"Oh my mistake Miss. I guess I'd have to get permission from your husband Antony, or is it your lover Liam."

"What?" Carla says astounded. She is at a loss for words angry at the nerve of him. How the hell did he even know?

"Please," he says smirking at her, "It is no big secret. I mean he practically swooped in a stole you from under me when we were waltzing. And then the two of you were gripping each other ever so tightly, I thought the world was surely to end."

"Shut up," says Carla becoming increasingly annoyed. She didn't want to think about Liam it hurt enough as it did already.

"Snappy one, aren't you? Am I wrong?"

"Wrong about what?"

"Lets not play games Mrs. Gordon. I swear I am not one to kiss and tell and I certainly don't hear of the kiss and tell, so divulge please."

"There was something but its over now."

"Over you say? How convenient."

"I'm serious," says Carla glaring at him, "And it's none of your business. I don't even know why I'm telling you. You're a complete stranger."

"That's exactly why you're telling me, because I am a stranger. Therefore I can't possibly judge you as harshly as friends and family would," Peter took another swig of the moonshine. "Now I don't blame you, Antony Gordon is quite an oaf. He has got as much grace as an ox. Any woman would cheat on him."

Carla lets out another fit of laughter. She was astounded that someone else was making fun of his husband. It felt nice.

"He does, doesn't he? He walks like an ox sometimes; I thought I was the only one who noticed."

"Nope," Peter stays jumping up. He hands her the flask, before starting to imitate Tony. He pushes his shoulders forward and stomps around in front of Carla.

The imitation looks more like a gorilla but Carla admires the effort. She is beside herself with laughter and the sound is like music to her ears. She feels a big release of sadness, a hope that she can be happy even if it is only in small segments like this.

"Now isn't that nice? You finally gave me a real smile. I should try that more often on my own boy Simon and niece Amy. They don't think their uncle is funny."

"Well I'll tell them myself that you are _very_ funny."

Peter flops back down on the bench and grabs at the flask again, "So did Liam break it off with you or you with him?"

"I broke it off," Carla says the words pinching at her heart, "It was the right thing to do."

"Surely you don't expect me to believe that bull shit Mrs. Gordon."

"Why not?' says Carla incredulously. She wonders if her voice is that much of a give away.

"As if any alternative to ox man is horrible. Let me see attractive baron, baronet guy whatever—and then an ox man. Lets see who to choose, who to choose?"

"Try telling that to my mother and father. They think Tony is a catch."

"Well fuck them," Peter says waving his hand, "Do what you want, I say and make sure they are none the wiser."

"Why are you encouraging me to cheat? Would you be so encouraging if it was your own wife?"

"Newsflash Mrs. Gordon, I was once engaged to Lady Leanne Battersby, I know a thing or two about cheating. I still say fuck them."

"You are something else, you are," Carla says grinning at him. He made everything seem so easy she wished she could just go right up to Tony and her father and tell them to fuck off.

"I only speak the truth," Peter takes one last swig of the moonshine, "Oh bloody things empty already," Getting up he stands over Carla holding out his hands in front of her.

"What?"

"Get up, we're going to play a game."

"What sort of game?"

"Not to worry, we won't be showing off our ballet moves."

Carla feels her face going red with embarrassment. What had she been thinking? She couldn't blame it on the moonshine. Carla reaches out and grabs hold of his hands allowing Peter to pull her up. He dragged her so she was standing right in front of her.

"So what now? What are we doing?"

"We're gonna get all that negativity out of you. We're just gonna think of shit that makes us really mad and say, you know what fuck it."

"I don't know if I like that game," Carla says timidly. She was never one to swear her father made her wash her mouth out with a bar of soap as a child at any sign of profanity. This Peter Barlow however had a mouth of a sailor something Carla found intriguing because he had such a careless attitude.

"You haven't even tried it yet. Now we're each just gonna say shit that pisses us off and then just brush it off like it doesn't affect us anymore. I'll start," Peter clasped her hands tightly, " My sister is a total bitch and I hate being forced to spend almost every single Sunday of my entire existence having brunch with her and my parents. But you know what, I'm a man I can deal so fuck it. Your turn."

Carla held onto his hands really tightly and tried to think. She didn't want to give too much away, "I hate going to church every Sunday…fuck it?"

"Horrible and lame. Actually more so lame, try it again."

"Well I fucking hate my priest Father Xavier. He thinks he is all high and mighty and at every service he just smirks at me with his stupid face and I wish I could just go up there and kick him in the stomach. See how much he likes smirking then," Carla is surprised at her own words and feels immediately guilty for saying such things about a priest.

Peter however finds the whole thing hilarious and his brown eyes light up with laughter. Carla eases into laughter with him feeling compelled to go on.

"Yes he is a fucking idiot and joke for a priest. I hate him so much once I was tempted to bake him a pie made of dog poop but…"

"But then you said, you know what that stupid priest isn't worth the effort of gathering dog poop, fuck it."

"Haha yes exactly."

"Well sometimes I have to fight the urge not to vomit every time I see Leanne Battersby in public. I find myself at a luncheon just staring at her and wondering, what ever possessed me to want to marry such trash. I sometimes dream about telling her how much I hate her, but then I just say fuck it and fuck her."

"I sometimes wonder why I ever married Tony. I actually hate him and wish I could just get up and leave him, but every time I try to he just says he will take my daughter away. So then I'm like fuck it."

"Okay well that is not a fuck it situation at all Mrs. Gordon. That's a, guess what I'm taking my daughter and leaving so fuck you scenario."

"Not that easy Peter."

"Course it is, what could be more difficult? Just pack your bag, pack your daughters bag and leave."

Carla gave out an apprehensive sigh. It was easier said than done and now she was pregnant. She would have more than Giulia to contend with soon enough.

"I'll tell you what, pack your bags sometime this week. Once you've done that give me call and I will come get you. I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

"And why would you do that?"

"Because it's obvious all you need is a little push. But I warn you the offer only stands for a week, because if you can't make up your mind to leave him by then you won't ever make up your mind. So the ball is in your court, after the week I am off to New York."

Carla thinks, if she does take him up on the offer she will have to arrange for money somehow. Of course she will only tell Mary of the plan and they can pool together some extra cash Tony has laying around the house. She wouldn't got to London, and definitely not Dublin. Her mother was already planning on holing her up there for 9 months in order to keep an eye on her. Carla had to think of somewhere far out of Tony's reach, a place he would never want to waste time in going to.

Tony's father Alasdair was not a fan of America, so Tony never really went no matter how much he adored the jazz scene. If Carla went to New York she could buy herself sometime before Tony got approval from his father to travel. By time he figured she was in New York she could have already moved on to another city. It was now or never, and Peter was offering her an escape route. She'd be a fool not to take it.

"You don't have to hold out on the offer that long. I've made up my mind. I want to go to New York and you can take me and Giulia to the station so I can book tickets on an ocean liner."

"How about I do that and get it out of the way. I can call you and give you all the details afterwards. I have connections anyways so I can get them tickets for cheap. All have to do is be on the ready, pack your bags early so you'll be ready to go. How's that for a deal?"

"Excellent," says Carla, "And thank you Peter. Thank you so much."

"You can thank me when we see each other in New York."

For the first time in a long time Carla feels like she may have a chance after all. She won't be trapped and she will have no one to thank but herself for breaking free.


	22. Chapter 22

"I want to go father, I would be excellent for overseeing the steel shipments in London. I haven't got anything keeping me here."

"Oh what, and you suppose I do?" Paul snapped.

The two brothers were meeting with their father on the Monday morning after the Waltz party. Paul was especially irritable because he had over indulged on the alcohol and according to Michelle took to making a toast for everything come suppertime. Liam had left as soon as he had that horrible conversation with Carla where she basically tore out his heart and stomped on it like it was nothing. He hated her but at the same time he was still very much in love with her. He couldn't stop thinking about her, trying to think of some way to make her change her mind.

"Well you may not be aware of this, but it is a common fact that you are indeed married to a Mrs. Margaret Anne Connor, nee Devlin. I suppose you don't think she is reason enough to stay in the country side," Liam responds his tone iced with contempt.

"Like Margaret can't live without me for a couple of weekends here or there. We barely spend time together as it is."

"And don't you think it's high time that changed?" Fionnbharrth tells his son. "Margaret should have given you some kids already, not gallivanting around London, and skiing in Switzerland every damn winter. You both ought to take marriage more seriously and don't think I haven't heard about the affairs-"

"Now father," says Paul holding out his hand in front of their fathers face, "That's enough, Margaret and I will have kids soon enough. We just don't need everyone wondering when it's going to happen. Margaret doesn't like the pressure."

"Don't ever tell me to be quite again Paul. You are reaching above your station and I won't witness such behavior again. Now it makes perfect sense for Liam to take up in London, he is the only child who is not married. Therefore he can devout more time to the goals of the company. The decision is final. As for Margaret and the pressure, don't make me laugh."

Liam shot his brother a triumph look and then turned to his father, "Thank you so much father. I shall go to London right away."

The truth was he wanted to get as far away from the country and the memories of _her_ as soon as possible. It would hurt him too much to ever see her again. And if he could bury himself in work he would never have time to want her like he did.

"Good, you can go and have the servants get your ready luggage for you. If you're quick you can catch the noon train."

"Well whatever I forget to pack, I can always send for later."

"Humph," Paul says his look is scathing.

"Now see here Paul Bartholomew Connor," says Fionnbharrth raising his finger, "One more sound out of you and I cut off all your money once you get to New York, do you hear?"

"Yes father," says Paul immediately before turning to Liam with a forceful smile, " I am so happy for you Liam. London will be terrific."

Liam returns the fake smile before getting up and shaking his fathers hand. He then strolls out of the office whistling all the way up stairs . Once he finds the servants and gives them their orders he sets his mind to clearing off his desk, and putting all his important papers into a briefcase. He is relieved, working for his families company in London means he would not have to deal with Antony Gordon anymore. He couldn't stand to look at him much less think about him anymore. Now he was Paul's problem to endure, not like Paul would care all that much. He would see Antony as a project on how to make more cultured and make less nouvelle rich. Not seeing Tony also meant not having to ever see Carla again. But Liam doubted that would reduce the amount of time he spent thinking about her.

Liam was putting the rest of his stationary in the briefcase when he heard a knock on the door, he looked up to see his cousin, sister and brother in-law all standing in the doorway.

"So you're leaving us my man," says Thomas he is puffing away at a cigar as usual.

"Yes, Liam responds, "By the afternoon."

"Oh I will miss you so," Phillipa sniffles, "Why must you leave us?"

"Business for father, sorry Phillipa."

"Don't apologize," says Thomas, "I man should never apologize for a woman's failure to understand business."

"Oh Thomas, must you always be so insensitive. Our Pippa loves her dear cousin. She hates saying goodbye to anyone in general," says the always observant Michelle. "Now Liam you must write regularly while you're away."

"Of course."

"And you must let us come to visit you regularly," adds Phillipa on the brink of tears.

"Yes, and we will be down to catch an Opera show or two. We do want to see_ Norma_ again, I hope it is playing in London soon," says Tom.

"I'll look into that for you, and make sure to set a date for you three to come up."

"Good man," says Tom once more, "We look forward to it."

Liam left for the train station at 11:00 am. His mother had become hysterical complaining that she barely got to spend anytime with her baby. His father was more reserved and business like in his goodbyes. Paul finally managed to stop sulking and gave a surprisingly tight and warm hug. Margaret who was usually indifferent gave him a warm smile and said she would visit him in London soon. He got into the car quickly so that he wouldn't have time to react and get emotional.

"Drive," he commanded his chauffeur and the car drove away steady from the property. He turned around in the back seat to see his family waving after him, Phillipa even boldly chasing the car for a time before finally allowing herself to let him go. He felt himself daydreaming imagining it was Carla for a second that was chasing his car down the driveway.

He felt as though he had done all the chasing, all the work. It was her turn to fight for him. Liam wondered how she would react when she found out he wasn't in the Countryside anymore. He hoped that it would bring her pain, and that she would suffer how he was suffering right now. She had let him walk away so easily, like he had meant nothing to her and he wondered how she could be so cold. What had her parents done to her growing up to make her so emotionally cut off from the world? But then he remembers what his mother said about her father sending her to an asylum. Perhaps there was something wrong with her, because in his mind no normal person should be able to confess their love one minute only to pretend it never happened the next. Carla had done this countless of times in their short relationship; perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise. Perhaps this was just a ploy of playing hard to get. But Liam wasn't going to entertain it; he wasn't going to beg anymore.

Liam arrived at the station just on time to catch the noon train. The conductor took his first class ticket while his driver took care of his bags. Liam sat in the comfy seat of his compartment and stared out the window engrossed in the hustle and bustle of passengers on the platform. He felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and turned around expecting to see a member of staff working the trolley. Instead he saw the face of a familiar old friend.

"Romola," Liam says beaming at the woman standing before him. She didn't look anything like her sister Elena who had dark brown hair and tanned skin. She had strawberry blonde hair and deep blue eyes with a pale complexion. She looked like lovely porcelain, a painting even. Her beauty wasn't intoxicating like Carla's but she was so different looking, Liam felt more welcoming towards her. "What are you doing on the train to London?"

"I am going home, mummy and daddy insisted I only stay in the country for the weekend. The only reason I cam out here was to accompany Elena to the party on Sunday. I quite enjoyed myself, and if that Mr. Gordon ever throws another soiree I will be there."

"Well that's good then."

"And what about you, what are you doing on the train to London?"

"I am going to oversee some company business for my father for a couple months, maybe longer if I am lucky. I can't quite bare the country anymore."

"Oh I see," says Romola sitting down across from him, "I shall get mummy and daddy invite you to dinner sometime soon. We can spend time together as well maybe take in the opera sometime. I do hope to see_ Norma_ sometime soon."

Liam lets out a laugh, what a small world it was.

"What?" says Romola, "Do you not like Norma?"

" I do prefer _La sonnambula_, but I assure you that is not why I was laughing. I would be glad to take in the opera with you sometime."

Romola's blue eyes lit up immediately. Liam could tell she was suppressing the urge to scream out in happiness. He could tell that had always she liked him, hell even Elena liked him, but he did not really return the feelings. He was just glad to have a friend in London.

The train starts moving and all Liam can think as he takes one more glance out onto the platform, is that he is getting away. He wants to convince himself that he is happy that it is all for the best, but he can't bare to think of world without Carla, a world in which he has no place in her life. He decides from that very moment that he jealous, jealous of everything that encompasses her world the world he has been shut out from. He jealous of every blade of grass that touches her skin, every paintbrush she clasps in her hand, the water that touches her hair. He is even jealous of the daughter that gets to wrap her arms around her mother's waist and hold on for dear life. And he is jealous of _him_ that everyday Antony Gordon will get to look upon her beauty, and never truly appreciate what it is.

_But she chose him _Liam reminds himself. She chose him and now it was his turn to choose others. Liam has always been an attractive man; he turns back to Romola and decides it is time to make a stance. All it takes is one smile; it only ever takes one smile. There was no sinking or swimming with other women, they were easier to win over. But he didn't want them the way he wanted Carla; he'd have to forget his feelings though.

He should listen to his own words

"_All the admiration in the world can't fill the spot where love goes…"_

But he doesn't care, he'll take whatever he can find at the moment and give only what he feels is deserved in return. He wasn't capable of loving anyone else, but he could admire them. It was as good a place as any to start. So he returns her smile, knowing full well he will never be willing or able to deliver all that it is implying.


	23. Chapter 23

Carla sat in the sun watching her daughter play crochet with her mother. It was Monday and her best friend Maria Sutherland joined her, Maria was going to be in the country for a few days staying with her brother Kirk before heading back to London. Maria was fanning herself to keep cool, as the temperature had risen drastically and was flipping through her vogue magazine while Libby served them refreshments.

"Thank the gods for British Vogue," says Maria as she flips through the magazine gingerly, "I almost died during the war when the Americans stopped the shipments of Vogue I was about ready to pack my bags and move to New York."

"Hmmm," says Carla taking the iced tea being offered by Libby and sipping it mercilessly. Sometimes Maria could talk about the dumbest things. It was good though when Carla wanted to have a light and carefree day, but Maria liked to ramble on in a nonsensical fashion similar to Paul Connor. "That's the one thing about the war that made you want to move away?"

"Oh you know what I mean Carla, I am just joking. You know I take war very seriously, my brother Kirk served and same with Nick. I used to send Nick care packages all the time. When he came home he told me the care packages got him through the whole ordeal."

"And look how he repaid you," says Carla, " By Running off with Lady Leanne Battersby only two months after he came home."

"No, he started seeing her two months after he came home and ran off with her about 6 months later. And what is wrong with you? You've been a grumpy bitch all morning."

Carla glared at her friend; she was in no mood to fill her in on anything especially with her own mother within earshot. Plus Dotty Sutherland would find away to extract the information from daughter anyway she could. On top of that Carla had gotten Mary to man the phones for when Peter Barlow called. He said he could get her some tickets for New York by today. Cara didn't want any conversations that she could get tied up in by time he called.

"I'm sorry Maria, I've just been very stressful."

"Antony isn't it? What has he done now?"

"Keep your voice down Maria, we can't have Giulia hearing us talk of her father negatively."

"Oh who cares? Like she doesn't know what type of a jerk he is already. She's not a baby you know, I am sure she remembers every detail of what he did to you five months ago."

"Maria please, you're helping matters by bringing that up."

"What am I suppose to do Carla, forget. I'm sorry but I will never forget the state of you and neither will she. Children remember everything, I am sure she remembers the Chinese Burns and that wasn't even the worst of it."

Carla didn't want to remember the events that had caused her to leave him last time and she was annoyed at Maria's insistence that she did. Carla was going to be leaving him this week anyways so it could all be ancient history, it would be ancient history.

"Maria, I love that you are so concerned for me. I really do but Antony and I are trying to put that all behind us now."

"No Tony bullied you into putting it behind you. And while he was at, indoctrinated you into calling him Antony. Once a jerk, always a jerk and I think you need to be free of him. I saw that Connor lad making eyes at you and he is very attractive, he was practically lusting after you. He has such nice broad shoulders, just imagine what he could do in bed."

"Maria!" says Carla alarmed not so much with her friend's language but the array of images that were flooding her mind. She wishes she could share the secret with her best friend that she had indeed not only imagined but also experienced what he was like in bed. They could have shared a giggle, but this was serious because she wea pregnant. And every time she thought about the baby she felt more like crying then laughing.

"What," Maria says innocently, "I'm only saying what everyone is thinking. He is gorgeous. I wouldn't kick him out of bed in the morning ever."

Carla was turning completely red and she could tell her best friend was examining her closely. Carla knew exactly what she was doing; she was trying to get her to confess. She was certain that her feelings for Liam were transparent enough. Peter Barlow had figured it out, so surely Maria had to. But Carla become numb and bit her tongue. Casually she reaches for another Vogue magazine and flips through it faking interest in the pages.

"Fine play that game," Maria says taking a sip of iced tea, "But I know eye sex when I see it and I saw him practically undressing you the whole evening."

"I don't know where you get all this vulgar language from Maria, but you need to go to church and stop thinking with such a unholy mind," Carla says. She is trying her best to keep composure, "And I'll thank you not, to talk like this when Giulia is around."

"Oh you are such a liar Carla, I can see your lips quivering. I am so right. He was undressing you with his eyes and he has probably done it with his hands to."

"Think what you want," says Carla, "You've always had such a vivid imagination."

"Was he good?" Maria says ignoring Carla completely.

Carla bits down on her bottom lip staring intently at a page on swimsuits. She is not going to answer her and hopes that she will just stop asking.

"He looks like he would be a good kisser…like he knows all the right spots. Carla is he a good kisser? Please divulge some details, let me live vicariously through you."

"I've only ever kissed one man," Carla lies.

"Oh you're so boring! If Antony is all you've ever had you are truly missing out. I search that Mr. Connor for you and help you discover what real passion is about."

"That won't be necessary," Carla says.

Just then Giulia comes running over wrapping her arms around Carla's waste.

"Mummy, I won. I won against grandmother."

"Well done darling."

"It is not nice to brag Giulia it isn't very lady like," says Martha Donovan.

"Oh she's just a kid, let her be happy," says Maria.

She is met by Martha's scathing stare, "Until you have a child of your own, I will thank you not to offer input on the proper upbringing of a young lady. I can see that Dottie's hard work has not paid off with you Madame."

"Mother," says Carla, "Why are you being so rude? Apologize immediately."

Before Martha can respond, Mary comes bustling before them in the field.

"Mrs. Gordon, sorry to disrupt but there is an urgent telephone call from London."

"From who?" says Carla.

"The jewelry company, the one you hope to get the necklace for your moth—"

"Hush," says Carla immediately casting her mothers an alarmed look.

Mary and her had practiced the script if Peter Barlow was to call today. Mary was to tell her the call was coming in from a jewelry shop where she was ordering necklace for her mother's birthday. Her mother loved gifts and was less likely to question Carla if the call was coming from a jewelry place. The rouse worked because her mother's hostile eyes turned radiant immediately. Carla got up and ran towards the Palace. Mary was trailing her, once inside they congratulated one another on a job well done. Carla went to her husband's office and picked up the available line.

"Hello?" she said nervously.

"Mrs. Gordon," said a familiar voice on the other end, "This is Mr. Peter Barlow. You remember me from yesterday? We were drinking buddies."

Carla listens clear fully to make sure there is no commotion outside the office, she cannot afford to take any chances.

"Oh hello Mr. Silverman, the necklace is ready then? I presume you cut the diamonds the way I asked…"

"What?" says Peter but then he catches on, " I got your tickets ready and waiting to go. The only question is are you ready to dash?"

"Yes," says Carla, "When can I expect to pick up the lovely necklace?"

"The ocean liner for New York leaves tomorrow in mid afternoon. But I can get you and Giulia tonight, in fact tonight works best. You can stay at my place until tomorrow's ship leaves how does sound? Maybe 10' o clock I will come?"

"Wonderful, how much do I owe you?" Carla can feel her heart beating it is the realization that she is finally doing something to help herself and change her situation.

"I told you, it isn't any worry. You can thank me proper once you get to New York in one piece."

"Thank you," Carla now says lowering her tone. You're a life saver, and we will be ready and waiting."

"Good," says Peter, "Now I have a bit of business to attend to and I sure you have a busy day yourself. So we shall see each other later, don't forget 10' o clock."

"10' o clock," Carla repeats.

They say their goodbyes and hang up the phone. Carla feels elated. Her dreams of a life without Tony are already coming true. Now she only had to find some money, she had the whole day to search through Antony's office since he now delays coming home early once her mother came for a visit. She would take as much as she could without him noticing.

She stares at the phone for a while after she has hung up, wondering if she should call Liam. But then she wonders what could she say to possibly make anything better. He most likely hated her right now and probably never wanted to see or hear from her ever again. She had broken his heart, and she felt horrible for doing so. But she couldn't be with him without Tony terrorizing them both, and she couldn't stay in England with the connections Tony and Alasdair had. He would always be able to find her and Giulia.

Her eyes then move to her stomach and she considers the fact that she has never told Liam about the existence of the baby and that if it were his, he would never know that he was a father. It was unfortunate, but she was certain that he had a bright future, that one day he would easily forget her and when he was old and happily married with kids and grandkids, she would just be girl he liked once when he was young. Sure it broke her heart, that she may very well be reduced to a conquest, a notch on his belt, that he would probably fall in love with some perfect little lady who didn't suffer from tremors or have bouts of hysteria. But she would have to let it ago, like Peter said she would just have to look at the situation and say fuck it and move on . That would be her new motto for her new life in America.


	24. Chapter 24

**Violence ahead in this chapter**

Carla had just come back downstairs after checking up on her servant Mary. Mary had just finished packing Giulia's bag and putting it in a hiding space, while Carla stashed the money she got from Tony's office in her belongings. As she entered the sitting room, she noticed it was just her husband and daughter who remained awake. Maria was unable to stay for dinner and her mother had come down with a headache and retired to be early. Carla looked at the grandfather clock in the sitting room it was now just five minutes after 8pm. Tony showed no signs of being tired. She thought this was strange because the practice usually drained him.

"Caroline join us, I've just been telling Giulia a story," Tony says as Carla enters the room.

"Yes papa has just told me all about Arthur and Guinevere," says Giulia beaming up at her father.

Tony looks at Carla pointedly before adding, "And Lancelot," his voice is a deathly whisper.

Carla feels uncomfortable as she sits down across from them. The night is chilly and the sound of the fireplace engulfs the room. Carla steals a glance at the clock once more…8:10pm.

"She is such a clever girl our Giulia," Tony says his eyes still fixed on Carla, "She is so virtuous she believes Guinevere's death is justified. Don't you Giulia?"

"Yes papa, adultery is a sin the commandments tell us so."

"Surely," says Carla finding her voice, "This is no topic to be talking to a little girl about Antony." She was certain her husband was using their daughter in some twisted way to frighten her and she is panicking. Did he know about Liam? He couldn't, it was impossible. She had only confessed to her mother and her mother would not betray her trust to Tony.

"Of course it is," Tony says smugly, "You don't mind do you Giulia la bella?"

"No papa," responds Giulia letting out gleeful shrieks at her fathers rare affection. "Please may you tell another story, you promised."

"Of course darling," says Tony gently caressing her daughter's raven coloured hair. His eyes are fixed on Carla's the whole time and she has a foreboding feeling that danger is near. Tony is calm, almost too calm.

"I shall leave you two to it then," Carla rises up getting ready to leave. She can feel her nerves setting in and the onset of the tremors.

"Oh please mummy, don't go. I want you here as well."

"Yes," Tony says smiling with a calculated look still delicately caressing their daughter's hair, "We want you here as well."

His look is one of command and Carla has no choice but to sit back down. She glances at the door helplessly and then at the clock it was now 8:30pm.

"Tell me the one about the lady papa, the one in the tower."

"The poem?"

"Yes but as a story, I like it as a story better."

Carla raises her eyebrow, "What story is this?" She had no idea Tony so often sat with Giulia and told stories. She knew he was rubbing it in her face that their daughter worshipped the ground he walked on.

"You'll see," Tony says curtly before smiling down at his daughter, "Once long ago in the land of Arthur and his knights there was a lady who lived in a tower. Now this tower didn't have any doors and it was on an island all by it's self separated from Camelot…"

Giulia was looking up at her father her mouth agape and engaged in the story while Carla stole glances at the clock. She couldn't wait for it to be 10:00pm. She would be free from this hellhole for good.

"Now this lady was very beautiful, but she had a curse put upon her," Tony again looks pointedly at Carla.

She was trying to figure out exactly what he was playing at, what this whole performance was leading to.

"How horrible, what sort of curse papa?"

"No one is certain, the witch who put on her did not specify. But the lady was to weave at her loom day in and day out spinning her wheel. And she wasn't to look into the outside world."

"She can never see the sun then?"

"No, the tower it is like a prison confided in a paradise. You see she can look outside but only through use of a mirror. And when she looks through the mirror she sees the town's people out and about on they're way back and forth from Camelot. She longs to be apart of them so she weaves what she sees."

"Tragic," says Carla now gripping the table at Tony's jab. He had always known she viewed Paradise Palace as a prison.

"Indeed. The lady didn't understand how lucky she was to be inside, kept safe, looked after, with nothing to trouble her. All she had to do was be good girl and weave but it seems that was not enough for _her_. One day she looks through the mirror and what does she see," Tony is looking right through Carla his voice deadly.

Giulia is now starting to feel the changing mood of the room, a change in her father's temperament. She shifts uncomfortably looking from her mother and father anxiously, she knows something is going on. But what, she can not quite tell yet.

"Come on Carla, you know the poem. What does she see?"

"S-she sees a beautiful man in the mirror."

A perfect almost angelic smile spreads across Tony's lips, his eyes full of pure malice, "Sir Lancelot," he whispers. "Yes, and for some reason this man makes her forget how safe she is in the tower. You see Giulia beauty can be a lovely gift, but it can also be the source of vanity."

"What does the lady do?" Giulia asks her voice barely audible.

"She leaves the room and by then it's to late, the curse is upon her. She is full of regret as soon she leaves she knows there is no going back. So she becomes stubborn and ungrateful and she gets to a boat and with her weakness she pitifully tries to get to him. But by time the boat gets to Camelot, the lady is dead."

Carla's eyes are beginning to water; Tony is threatening to kill her. He knows that she has been thinking of leaving him and he is threatening that if she leaves some terrible curse will befall her…8:50pm.

"I don't like this story very much," says Giulia?

"It's not over yet dear one. You see when they see her body in the boat all the knights can't help but feel sorry for the lady. But Lancelot he makes his way through the crowd and all has to say is, _"She has a lovely face."_ You see my dear daughter; _all the admiration in the world can't fill the spot where love goes_."

Carla feels a chill spread over her body…

Tony continues, "And any woman would be stupid to leave comforts of her home just for a chance at admiration. That man will never notice all she sacrificed for him and she would sacrifice quite a lot in losing her life. Now tell me dear Giulia is worth it?"

Carla stared at her daughter's identical green eyes they were glazed with fear and confusion. She did not understand the depth of what was being fed to her, "No papa it isn't worth it."

"See Carla, isn't our daughter so smart?"

"Yes," says Carla shaking. Instinctively she jumps at but as soon as she does Tony grabs her arm.

"Go along now Giulia, you ought to get ready for bed."

The girl stands with wide eyes fixed upon her father's harsh grip of her mother's hand. Carla is certain she knows what is about to happen to her mother, but Carla won't have her witnessing any of it.

"You heard papa baby, go on Mary will get you ready for bed." Carla tries to go towards her daughter to comfort her but Tony mistakes it for an attempted escape and yanks her back. Giulia is alarmed by this action and quickly flees from the room. The tears are streaming down Carla's face.

"You fucking think I'm stupid don't you?" Tony sneers in Carla's ear. He is yanking her hair and using it to drag her across the room. "Answer me you bitch, do you fucking think I am stupid?"

"Antony please-"

"You shut up, I haven't even started with you yet."

"I don't know what you're talking about?"

"I bugged the telephone dear Caroline. And on top of that the servants speak. I heard the fucking conversation you had with Peter Barlow. Bloke fancies himself a knight in shinning amour does he? Well why don't we give him something to save when he gets here at 10' o clock."

Tony flings her on the ground with such force she feels herself sliding. Instinctively she goes to shield her stomach. She will not let him harm the baby, he can hit her anywhere he'd like, but she could not let him harm the baby. Tony kneels over her pinning her wrists to the ground.

"How do you fancy them Chinese burns again," Tony whispers breathlessly, "I quite enjoyed how they turned out last time."

Carla looks up at him in disgust, "You monster, you unimaginable bastard. Get away from me."

"Make me," Tony grips her skin pulling it in opposite directions, "Now what I want to know is how you ever thought you could get with it?"

Carla lets out a scream, the pain is unimaginable she needs to find an opening to escape. Tony quickly covers her mouth.

"Answer me you bitch, what makes you think you are going anywhere with my daughter? ANSWER ME!"

He is now pushing the side of Carla's face into the carpet and reaching for her neck. She can feel the familiar touch of his hands gripping her neck getting ready to suck the life out of her, "You leave me and you die. Your life is over I will fucking destroy you. Oh and what a shame it will be when your precious little Liam comes to the funeral."

Carla manages to turn her head just long enough to look into the eyes of the pure evil man she had always called her husband. He did know about the affair, he must have always known and was waiting for the right time to strike. The tears are flowing down Carla's cheek as she thinks of Liam; if Tony kills her she will never see Liam again.

"Now, now," Tony cooed as she wipes the tears gently from Carla's cheek, "Not worry. I won't hurt him I need his business. But I imagine at your funeral he will exceptionally upset," Tony moves Carla's hair away from her cheek. " Or maybe not, maybe you were just a piece of meat to him. I wonder, do you think perhaps he'll remark what a lovely face you have?"

"No," Carla musters, "Maybe he'll remark what a loser you always been."

With that Tony tightens his grip around her neck, Carla tries to grab at him to get his hands off of her. She tries kicking but her blows are not strong enough. Her eyes are scanning the room around her, things are becoming blurry, and surely this is what death feels like, because she can feel her arms limping and her eyes rolling back and then…

A figure is standing over Tony. A black figure that Carla cannot make out… maybe its death? Her last moments would be with her husband, she had tried to fight but he has won. Death has made his presence known. Tony's eyes are bulging possessed with rage and Carla can only think of poor Giulia, she will be left with the monster. Her air is slowly running out, and then all the sudden it isn't.

Carla can feel the faint release of pressure. She is unaware of what is going on, only that the hooded figure is holding her in his arms as she slips in and out of consciousness. The figure is carrying her out of the room she must be dead.

"What is going on here?" Carla hears the familiar voice of her mother Martha Donovan, "And who are you? What are you doing with my daughter?"

Carla's eyes are adjusting around her she is now in the grand hallway and can see her mother dressed in a nightie standing horrified with the housekeeper Libby while Mary is holding Giulia's hand.

"What is going on Madame is that your son-in-law here has just tried to kill daughter. If I hadn't come in when I did, he probably would have. As for what I'm doing with your daughter, well Ms. I am taking her away from here, something you should have done along time ago."

"Oh no you are not sir!" Martha Donovan lunges towards her daughter, trying to grip Carla's hand."

"Oh yes I am Madame, and I am taking your granddaughter to."

Mary pushed Giulia forward, handing her a bag of packed clothing. She hugged the little girl saying her goodbyes.

"My daughter and granddaughter will stay right here, thank you very much."

"No, Carla doesn't want that she wants to go elsewhere. Now I suggest you call the police Madame before your son-in-law bleeds out the carpet floor. I gave him quite the whack."

Carla looks up at the man holding her in his arms, "Peter," she weakly whispers, "You came, you came…"

"I came, of course I did" Peter turns around abruptly heading towards the entrance while Martha Donovan demands he come back with her daughter.

He ignores her while Mary and Libby hold her back. They seem to be the only ones who understand that this is for the best.

"Come along now Giulia," Carla hears Peter say gently, "Don't be afraid dear."

"Giulia," Carla whispers faintly, "Come on darling."

She feels the light brush of small fingers intertwining with hers. She doesn't remember what happened next just the brush of fresh air against her cheek and the realization that she had finally done it. Carla had left Tony and she was not dead, her world had not ended. This is where one chapter in her life and another begins, and maybe the new chapter would actually be a period worth describing as a paradise. She and Giulia could build a life together.


	25. Chapter 25

**London-1925**

Liam stands in the doorway of the sitting room in his London town house. He watches as his new fiancée Romola giggles and shows off her engagement ring to Michelle, Phillipa, Elena, and Fiona. They have all just returned from brunch with the parents and everyone is euphoric from the engagement news. That is everyone except Liam.

He watches as her demure face beams across the room scanning the faces of all the women, oozing up their well wishes and envy. And all Liam can feel is emptiness, and emptiness that a thousand of her demure little smiles could never satisfy. The truth is he couldn't understand why he had asked her to marry him truly. Of course he knew the logistics of it all, that he was getting older and his mother wished for him to start a family. He also knew that Romola was everything that London society expected of a young lady. She was well mannered, kind and virtuous. There was no denying that she was very beautiful, like an English rose. Yet when Liam looked at her he wasn't full of wonder and he was never in awe. His heart simply did not skip a beat whenever she walked in the room; it had only done so for one woman. Sadly that woman was far from his grasp.

Liam had made sure to never to do personal dealings with Antony Gordon ever again. He had left that all to Paul, simply because he did not trust himself or what he might do if he ever saw Carla again. Paul knew better then to ever mention her or Antony in front of him. Liam gave the impression that she was a phantom that never existed that was apart of another life. But he was in bed at night she crept into his mind. He dreamed of caressing her chestnut skin of kissing in her lips. Liam loved her hopelessly and no matter how much he tired to care about Romola he knew that it was futile.

With Romola he could count on the fact that she absolutely adored him and loved him. She would fight for him, not give him up so easily like Carla had. If his life with Romola would not have passion at least it would have stability. Marriages had been built on much less.

"It is so beautiful dear sister," cooed Elena squeezing her sisters arm affectionately, "I cannot wait to plan the wedding."

"I can't wait to call Romola a sister," adds Michelle, "I've never really had a sister."

"Aye," interjects Phillipa, "And what do you consider our Margaret pray tell?"

"It's different is all, I've always been closer to our Liam than I ever have our Paul. So naturally I will love all the things Liam loves more."

Just then Romola looks up and notices Liam standing in the doorway, her smile becomes a thousand times more radiant, "Speaking of the devil," she grins, "Come over here fiancé. Oh how I love saying the word fiancé."

"You'll like saying husband a lot more, I can assure as much," says Liam walking over and leaning in to give Romola a kiss on the cheek. He still does not feel anymore then companionship.

He cannot bare to be overly affectionate with her, as it has never felt natural. But she doesn't seem to mind because Romola is sheltered when it comes to matters of intimacy.

"We want a June wedding," says Elena, "Mummy and Daddy got married in June Romola, they'd be delighted if you followed suit."

"Well that all depends on what works well for Liam sister. He travels a lot you know. In fact he is due to leave for New York in a couple of days on business, aren't you dear?"

"Yes," Liam responds, "My father wants me to see what I can do about setting up ports along the coast of New York. He wants to make more money shipping more than material across the sea. He wants to build some ships for immigrants arriving at Ellis Island and there is always a constant boom of immigrants leaving from Ireland."

"Oh can't that wait Liam?" Phillipa says her blue eyes looking up at Liam with excitement.

"Yes," says Elena, "Surely your father will understand if you wish to delay. We have a wedding to plan."

"Oh hush all of you," says the observant Michelle, "Since when do men enter the domain of wedding planning? Leave that to women and let Liam go where his business is due."

Liam was grateful; once more his sister was looking out for him. She always had his concerns and well being in mind. He went to join her side sitting in the empty seat next to her.

"How long shall you be gone for?" Romola asks him.

"Not too long, only a week or two I suppose."

"Only?" says Elena, "That should feel like an eternity for you two love birds."

She had no idea, Liam thinks. Being married would be an eternity of which his heart would be in constant limbo. It would be nothing more then the appearance of love for him, maybe friendship at best.

"Well I'm just glad he finally asked you," says Fiona, "We were all so worried wondering if you'd ever ask her Liam. I mean how many times could one go see _Norma _together in five years and not get engaged."

" I didn't know Norma was criteria for engagements. I guess I took my time."

"And that's why I love him," says Romola, "He has quite the head on his shoulders."

"And he loves you to", says Fiona, "Don't you Liam?"

"Of course," Liam says automatically but the image of Carla flashes before his eyes.

"What is that painting over there?" says Elena, pointing to painting that is hanging on the wall off in the far corner of the room. "Is that supposed to be you Liam? It is rather incomplete don't you think?"

"Yes," Liam says scanning the painting Elena is referring to briefly. It was the portrait Carla had worked on the day at the hotel. She never really got a chance to finish it because had managed to entice her into doing other things.

He feels frustration over take him. Why had he kept it all these years if he didn't want to think of her? Who was kidding, this was all apart of the game he played with himself, where he cursed Carla one moment but was completely driven to love her the next. He understood how love could be a sickness and how obsession could drive one to madness. He wanted to remember, he lived for it. When he was with her that was when he had truly felt alive, one half of a whole.

"Who painted it?" asks Phillipa.

"Liam has always been secretive about the identity of the painter," says Romola briefly glancing at her Liam, "One would think they were a secret lover or something."

Liam lets his eyes fall briefly focusing on his hands before lifting them once more and giving his signature smile. He notices his sister's eyes penetrating him, trying to read his mind.

"The style looks familiar," says Elena, " I remember reading the paper a few weeks back and seeing a few pieces on exhibition in New York. Apparently they are an up and coming painter …something Matheson I think."

"Really," says Liam now giving Elena his full attention. Michelle's eyes continue to survey him and he wishes she would stop trying to extract secrets from him.

"I know who you're taking about," says Fiona, "Margaret Wellington has been raving about this painter for months on end. I think the name is D. Matheson Barlow. The paintings are the must have items for every society household in New York at the moment. That's the rumor anyways, Margaret tells me the artist likes to do flowers."

"Flowers?" Liam says in almost a whisper. The image of Carla the first day he met her sitting on the lawn with her easel crosses his mind. He thinks of the nape of her neck and how she had painted flowers set in vases.

"Yes flowers," Fiona continues ignoring his reaction, "Poor Samuel will have to pay a fortune to get our Margaret all these coveted paintings. Frankly I think they are average at best, no offence to your painting Liam."

"None taking," Liam says abruptly waving his hand in front of his face. "Is the artist a man or woman?"

"To tell you the truth," Fiona says enjoying all the attention and the chance to gossip, "I don't really know. Apparently the artist doesn't like to have any pictures taking. Margaret says they are a recluse of sorts."

"Oh that Margaret," says Elena, "Always jumping on the bang wagon. Perhaps when you are in New York you could stop by the exhibit and gift her a painting."

"That is a lovely idea," Phillipa says, "She would love you for it forever. And her and Samuel's anniversary gala is coming around soon."

"Maybe I will," says Liam. His mind is lost in deep thought.

Could the painter be Carla? Of course it couldn't, that was foolish thinking. As far as he knew Carla Gordon still lived in England, she never been anywhere outside of Europe. Liam remembers how she told him she had never been to New York that much had probably not changed.

"You should get one for your wife to be as well," adds Michelle, "The paintings will be worth a fortune if this hype on this Matheson individual continues. Lord knows that painting on your wall could be an original Matheson itself."

"Oh don't be ridiculous," says Elena, "Although it would amazing of Liam knew the identity of some famous painter that no one else knew and was sworn to secrecy for one reason or another. It would make for a very intriguing fiction novel."

"Oh like a Miss Marple mystery," chimes in Phillipa excitedly.

Liam has to resist the urge to not roll his eyes.

Fiona, Phillipa, Romola, and Elena all exchanged laughs, while Michelle continued to stare pointedly at Liam.

"Amazing, wouldn't it be if it were the truth," says Michelle her eyes full of concern, "They do say the truth is often stranger than fiction."

The others took no notice of her comment, but Liam wondered if this was his sister's way of affirming his initial thoughts about the painter and the impossibility of the painter's identity. He thought it was too far fetched to be Carla, but often the things that were most far fetched in life bore the most clarity and truth. But it was impossible, Liam was sure many artists had similar techniques and he had yet to see any of these coveted works to have anything to compare them to. His mind was just formulating some fantasy, some way in which he hoped for Carla to slide back into his life once more. Perhaps when he got to New York and saw the exhibit for himself he could put all these crazy thoughts to rest.


	26. Chapter 26

**Just wanted to say that all the lovely reviews I have received rock! You readers really put a smile on my face and motivate me to write more. I appreciate you all so much. So thanks for reading and enjoy this next installment **

**~Noeme**

**New York City-1925**

Carla was sitting in her quaint little studio in the borough of Bronx County. She was smoking at cigarette and had her hair wrapped in a head tie and her old clothing smeared with paint. She had not cared to tidy herself up before the reporter from _The Times_ came to interview her, but now that he had arrived she felt a little guilty. She had not been raised to receive customers in such a state and although she was so removed from her past life, she could not help but feel some of the old values still dictating the way she thought.

The reporter is a young man, in his early twenties. Carla notices he has quite the small frame and is in exceptionally eager to interview her for what Carla can only assume is his first serious assignment.

"Talk to me like you would to your mother," Carla says trying to be encouraging. She takes a long suck out of her cigarette. Her hands moving about in a delicate fashion, she can see the young man is admiring her; men always admired her. "Go on, I promise I don't bite."

"Yes sorry Miss, there is just so much to go through," says the reporter flipping through his notes anxiously before composing a serious reporter face.

Carla wanted to laugh. She tapped her cigarette out on the side of an ashtray placed on the table between them before taking another drag.

"What do you suppose is the inspiration behind this current collection of yours? I mean it is only just recently that you have shot to recognition, can you explain where you draw your inspiration from?"

"Inspiration," says Carla, "I don't understand what you mean by inspiration really. I just paint as I see fit."

"Surely you must draw your talents from something,"

"Must I?" Carla raises an eyebrow. The young reporter blushes under her gaze but seems to muster up the courage to challenge her.

"Yes Miss, is it D. Matheson Barlow? That's what everyone has been calling you, can I call you that or shall I call you something else?"

"You may call me whatever you like, but the name I prefer is Dacia. My name is Dacia," Carla says.

"What I lovely name, my grandmothers name was Dacia," says the reporter.

Carla raises an eyebrow, how often men used that line, "Small world."

She remembers how Liam said his grandmother's name was Caroline the first time they met as well.

"Yes," says the reporter clearly transfixed by her elegant hands. He had not taken his eyes off of her, watching as her delicate fingers moved back and forth between her mouth and the ashtray. Quickly recovering himself he says, "Forgive me, I believe I was asking about where you drew your talents from. What has been your life experience? I am told you grew up in England."

"Surely my accent gave that away sir. Yes I did grow up in England."

"And what was that like? I see in some of your earlier works from a few years back that you seem to be painting the same house over and over again. It looks like it's a Palace. I was wondering is that a place from your childhood."

Carla lights up another cigarette allowing the smoke to engulf the reporter's view of her. She knew that all these pretentious art people always had to know about the meaning behind everything. "It's Paradise," she says.

The reporter scribbles furiously like she has just revealed the end all, be all.

"The painting is a paradise, or your childhood was?"

"Both," Carla whispers now beginning to regret this interview. But the gallery hosting her exhibition had insisted upon it.

"I'm sorry Miss, I don't quite understand. Could you elaborate? Do you mean as in your own interpretation of paradise?"

"You want to know why I paint right?" Carla says pointedly.

"Yes," says the reporter.

"I paint because it is paradise for me. A release, an expression if you will of all that has been lost."

The reporter scribbles that down, "By lost you mean your childhood?"

"By loss, I mean loss. That's all."

Carla can see that the reporter seems more confused than ever. And she wasn't exactly making it easy for him. She would feel bad if he returned to the office with such little material to write an article with. She takes a great big sigh looking off into the distance thinking of all that is lost to her. The truth is she has no other word for it, no tangible way in which to elaborate the suffering of her soul.

Painting was a temporary release, and a way in which she could provide for her two children. If she had to dig deep inside the crevices of her own soul, to give her son and daughter the life they deserved then she would do it. She would, because loving her children was all she could afford to do right now.

"Do you ever stumble upon a scene so beautiful you wished you could capture it forever in your head?" Carla asks the young reporter.

"I suppose," he says looking more confused than ever, "Like something you can capture with a Kodak…a photograph."

"Yes," says Carla, "Except it's better than a photograph could ever be. It's like a memory, a moment you wish you could relive over and over. A moment you wished could be captured."

"Oh yes of course. I have many memories from my childhood with my mother and father. The times we went to the water hole, or the county fair."

Carla smiles briefly, "Do you ever just close your eyes at night and just remember the smell of the water hole, or the laughter parents voice at the fair? Like the all that encompassed the whole environment."

"Yes," says the young man getting excited with the camaraderie they were sharing at the moment, "All the time."

"Do you ever wish that you could stay there, always? Do you ever wish you could just live that moment and take it all in? Try and remember everything before it's too late and you can't remember anymore?"

"Is that what your doing with your paintings?"

"I suppose. Do you think it's futile?"

"Not at all, I actually understand it quite well actually. Life can feel so unfulfilling just going through the motions. What moment are you trying relive?"

"Plenty of moments."

"Moments at the beautiful house in your paintings?"

"Not the house so much," Carla responds, "But the people passing through it…"

"…On there way out to live the rest of their lives. You wondered where they all ended up?"

"Exactly. If kind of bothers me, that I can't know exactly how everyone went in life," says Carla before adding, " You like to read books don't you? You must, you're a reporter."

"Yes I read good fiction novel here and there, but mostly I read and write news stories."

"Don't you ever so frustrated when you read the paper and all these events are just unfolding around you, and you feel helpless to stop it? I felt like that during the War in 1914. All those men we knew some of them wouldn't make it back…but the papers, who were they fooling when they tried to make everything look like a victory."

"I was young then," says the reporter. But Carla ignores him continuing on,

Even when I reading a novel, sometimes I just get so frustrated with the characters actions, I wish I could re-write the novel myself. "

"Rewrite history to, then? You wish you could bring all the young back from war to, is what your saying."

"Well in a way. I guess I just had the power that a writer has to make events whatever they want to be. The author who has the license to do with their character as they please, or the journalist who gets to re-write history if they wish.

I'd like think that is what I am doing with my paintings. Capturing moments and making them not how were, but how I wanted them to be."

"With all do respect Miss, I don't see how your current collections of flowers really relates to any of this? What exactly are bunch of flowers capturing besides the beauty of nature? What else is it doing besides making everyone from the Vanderbilt's in New York to the Taft's in Ohio wanting to get their hands on one of your coveted paintings?"

"You haven't been listening well. The flowers are capturing a lot more then just a few gratuitous nature shots. You were interested in my childhood, were you not?"

"Yes."

"Well in regards to my childhood, the flowers and the beauty are what I wish it had been. That's all and that's why I paint them. Because in all my pain, in all those moments you wish you could capture, we forget-"

"Forget what?" says the reporter surprised at his own eagerness. He is hanging onto her every word.

"That everything is beautiful. You can't question how it could have been any other way, any different, all those moments…what makes them so powerful, both the good and the bad, is that they never last."

"Everything is beautiful, I like that. Very insightful Miss," whispers the reporter.

"Yes, everything is beautiful. Moments go, but the purpose of life is trying to find a way to make the beauty last."

Carla got up abruptly signaling the end of the interview. Poor chap, she had barely given him that much information, but at the same time she sort of had. She was sure he'd find a way to make the article work, but Carla couldn't be bothered with that at the moment. She wanted to go home, Giulia and Cillian would be waiting for her. And most importantly Peter would there to; he was the strength holding her and her children together. Most of what she had said today came from with him and his own life experience.

In her five years of being in New York City, Carla was truly finding a way to reconcile herself to old pains and embrace new possibilities. Peter was the constant in her life, a symbol of her own resilience and inner strength. He was the one who had first showed her how to take her failures and lowest moments for what they were, say fuck it and then carry on. And he was also the one who was showing her not to bury herself in experience and history, but to dig out the things that defined her and learn to set them free. He was constantly showing her ways to make the beauty last.


	27. Chapter 27

"Shall you be requiring anything else sir? Shall I get you a brandy before I go?"

"No," Liam mumbles his mind is occupied elsewhere as he reads through an article in _The New York Times. _"Maybe just check the fireplace."

His hotel room was surprisingly cold for the beginning of June Liam thought. He was staying at his family's suite at Waldorf hotel. He sat at the table in the suite reading the article about the exhibit being held by the artist D. Matheson Barlow. _The Times_ did a comprehensive article on the artists work complete with pictures of the works and an in depth interview. The artist was a woman and her name was Dacia, still there was no personal picture.

"What do you know about this artist Dacia Matheson Barlow, Albert?" Liam asks the servant as he tends to the fireplace.

"Not much sir, just that her paintings are the latest rage in New York at the moment. The say the Astor's and the Vanderbilt's are competing to see who can own the most."

"Hmmm," says Liam, "I very much doubt that. More like the Astor's are fighting amongst themselves to see who can the most. Tell me, have you seen any of the paintings in person?"

"Why yes sir, the Astor's have put a few up here in some of the very special suites. Would you like for one to be hung in your suite?"

"Oh no, not at all," Liam waves his hand dismissively, "But I am interested in having a look at some, possibly buying one or two for the fiancée and a friend. Do you know how I could get in contact with the artist?"

"I can find out for you sir and relay the information to your secretary."

"That won't be necessary. You find now and relay the information to me. I will make the direct call."

"Of course sir," sputtered Albert, "Excuse me, I will be right on my way to get you the information."

"Good man," says Liam practicing his face smile. He then turned his attention back to the article combing it for more details.

It said the artist Dacia had a studio in the borough of Bronx County. That stuck Liam as strange because the area was known to be the haven of bootleggers and gangs going up against prohibition. If she was making so much money, why was her studio located in one the unsavory boroughs. This is one of the main reasons why he was trying to convince himself the painter couldn't be Carla. He could never imagine Carla living in such a dangerous place. But still, the flower paintings had her technique. Liam rubbed his forehead, he was not one for trying to sleuth and investigate. But he wouldn't rest until he was absolutely positive. After all he hadn't spoken or wanted to know about Carla's whereabouts in five years. She could have very easily just mustered up the courage one day to up and leave Antony and England forever. Antony was not one to wallow and boast of his misfortune and could have very easily kept it a secret from everyone.

"I got a number for you sir," says Albert hustling back into the room and handing Liam a piece of paper.

Liam looks down to see a number and the name Peter Barlow scribbled overhead. Liam once knew in passing a Peter Barlow back in England, who had business that often led him to New York. It was unlikely however that this was the same Peter, as his business ventures had to do with bootlegging and not art.

"Thank you," says Liam curtly, "You can go now."

"Yes sir, if you need anything else at all sir-"

"Yes, yes I know where to find you. Thank you Albert."

With that the servant left Liam's presence and Liam went over to the phone. Picking it up he dials the telephone number waiting for the operator to put him through. He feels a bit foolish in doing all this but justifies to himself that it is necessary, as he needs to get paintings for both Margaret and his fiancée Romola.

"Hello," says a gruff voice finally on the other end.

Right away Liam recognizes the British accent. He stands stupefied for a second before replying, "Hello."

"Hi, who is this?" says the voice of the man on the other end.

Liam scans the room looking around anxiously. He is not going to divulge his real name. He sees a painting of some man named Nicholas something or the other that his parents paid a fortune for and spills out that name.

"My name is Nicholas," Liam says, "Mr. Nicholas Dorscher," adding Romola's last name for good measure.

"Hello Nicholas, I am Mr. Peter Barlow. How can I help you?"

"I was told that if one wanted to own a much coveted D. Matheson Barlow painting, they should get in contact with you. You manage Matheson Barlow's career?"

"Yes," says Peter's voice automatically getting friendlier, "Yes, so you'd like to buy one aye?"

"Yes please. My fiancée to be simply adores them all the way back in England."

"I knew you were a fellow country man. Got yourself stuck here with the yanks here to I see," says Peter.

"Only temporarily," says Liam impatiently. He is tired of the small talk although in business he knows it is necessary. "So could I set up an appointment to visit the studio?"

"Dacia Matheson rarely lets anyone visit her studio. I don't think it will be possible. But if you want to see some of her works surely we can arrange a viewing. Where are you staying while you're in New York?"

"I don't understand," Liam responds, "Surely she can make an exception just this once."

"And why would she do that? Dacia Matheson values her privacy. She is very recluse most of the time."

"I can make it worth your while."

"How so?" says Peter his voice rising slightly and demonstrating some interest.

"What's your price?" Liam says his cutthroat business tactics coming into play.

"$400.00."

"I'll double that and get two paintings. So you're looking at $800.00 each. How does that sound?"

"You must be desperate to please the fiancée," says Peter humorously.

"You have no idea," says Liam curtly, "Now do you think you could throw in an actual meeting with the artist at the studio?"

"I'm not sure—"

"If you don't the deals off. I think it's the least she could do for a high paying customer. Plus my fiancée would love to have some idea of what her favorite artist is like."

"Fine," says Peter just as curtly, "You get a meeting, but don't expect any photographs, autographs or anything else of the sort."

"Fine by me. What day would work best for her?"

"What day would work best for _you _paying customer?"

"The day after tomorrow I'd say. I have lots of business to attend to so I won't be free until Wednesday."

"Wednesday it is. How does noon work?"

"Noon is fabulous."

"I won't be there sadly, " says Peter, "I have business outside of Dacia to attend to. But I shall give you the address and she will no doubt receive you gracefully."

"That would be very much welcomed, thank you Mr. Barlow."

Once Liam had finally gotten the address and directions he hung up the phone. He couldn't believe how easy it had been. He thought how he'd probably have a good laugh once this was all over and Dacia turned out to be someone completely different, like Peter's sister or wife. Still he could hardly wait for Wednesday to arrive.


	28. Chapter 28

"As evening fell a maiden stood at the edge of a wood. In her hands lay the reins of a stallion, And ne'er I seen a girl as fair, heard a gentler voice anywhere. Whispered_ "Alas…" _She belonged, belong another—Another forever. Yes, she belonged to the twilight and mist…"

Carla sat playing at the grand piano as her daughter Giulia sang for Monday evening after dinner. They were entertaining Peter and Cillian both of who were enjoying the show immensely. Carla looked up at her daughter, now 13 years of age and beamed proudly. She had Carla's same green eyes and chestnut color skin; she could easily grow to be her mother's double. As Giulia belted out the last of the tune, Peter rose to his feet and applauded loudly. Cillian, who adored and copied Peter in every way followed suite. He was lovely child and gave off such an infectious laugh it melted Carla's heart.

"Well done, well done," says Peter.

"Thank you," says Giulia demurely, "Mummy thinks I could perform it at the talent show for school."

"Your mother is right. You could you have such a beautiful voice. I swear many would think it's the that angels themselves singing amongst us."

"Oh now you're just flattering me Uncle Peter," Giulia responds although her eyes are absolutely radiant and enjoying the compliment.

"Well done GuGu," chimes in Cillian. He grins up at his sister with his beautiful blue eyes and perfect rosy cheeks.

Carla can't help but think about Liam. Cillian looked more and more like his father everyday. Giulia bends down and pats his head affectionately and Carla smiles even more. Giulia adored her brother so much.

"It's only because you're so cute, I let you get away with calling me GuGu."

Cillian just gives her his signature sweet innocent look before running towards his mother and pulling at her skirt. Carla swings down and lifts him up in her arms giving him a hug.

"We should get you ready for bed little one, shouldn't we?"

The little boy shakes his head profusely indicating no, while Carla nods yes.

"I can get him ready mummy. You must be tired."

"Oh would you Giulia. I'd be forever grateful," Carla gently put her son down and Giulia takes his had leading him from the room. Now it is just she and Peter and once they are certain Giulia is out of sight they lean in to kiss each other.

"You do look tired love," says Peter gently moving her hair out of her face and kissing her forehead, "Busy day at the gallery?"

"The usual, you know how it is."

"I read your article, it was sweet. All that stuff about beauty."

Carla smiles at him, "I gave credit where credit was due dear. You have inspired me."

"Good," Peter grins before switching the topic, "I've been trying to track the person buying so much of your stuff in England, sorry to say, I still haven't had any luck."

"You don't think it's Antony or Alasdair though, do you?" Carla asks a brief moment of fear overcomes her.

"I doubt it, but I want to be certain. You know Antony likes his games."

"Good," says Carla collapsing into his arms once more. He was the source of her strength.

Peter had been so good to her. She remembers only faintly how he saved her from Paradise Palace. Most of the events of that faithful day have been a blur and Carla had to rely greatly on the memory of Giulia to recount what happened over the days that followed. Giulia assured her Peter had been good to them both and Carla was so grateful. He had been the first man she knew that ever kept his promise; he had gotten her to New York in one piece.

Once they were in New York, Tony arranged for them to stay at a quaint apartment. It was very small and unlike anything Carla had ever experience before. It was damp and run by a hostile German landlady who had made it point to stomp up and down the stairs like a horse daily. Peter had lent her money here and there and Carla had taken a job as a seamstress in the city for a time. She had learned to sew from her grandmother as child and used this money to save up until it was due time to have a baby.

Carla remembers how Giulia had been such a composed little girl comforting her mother as she went into labor. Giulia is the one who called Peter to take them to the hospital. Peter and Giulia were the ones that waited as she gave birth to Cillian in anguish. Cillian's birth had been complicated and she had lost a lot of blood. The nurses told her, they were certain she wasn't going to make it. She remembers how delicate he was and holding her son in her arms for the first time she could not comprehend how she had ever considered him to be a parasite. He was so innocent and all she could think was how she was going to protect him in all the ways she had failed to protect Giulia. Her son would not grow up around monsters. She hadn't wanted to admit to herself, that she would always have such gentle sentiment towards her son because it was largely based upon the fact that he was Liam's through and through. Carla felt closeness with him, whenever she held him she thought of Liam and how she would love Cillian enough for the both of them. There wasn't any hope for anything else, and that was her promise.

After she had given birth the nurses rolled her out in the wheel chair to the sitting room. Peter was asleep and so was Giulia crawled up in the seat next to him her head on his chest. That was moment Carla started to fall for him, he had a gentle heart, a good heart.

But she still loved Liam, and she felt that she always would. He was her first love. Antony didn't count because she hadn't chosen him, her parents had. With Liam it had been a different sort love, the passionate kind, where she had felt desirable and knew the depths of her own desire. But the timing was all wrong, so they were left to chance. Chance then turned into circumstance, and circumstance drove them apart. She had reconciled herself to the facts long ago that Liam and her could never be together.

"I think I may have to go to bed now. I am tired," says Peter, "Are you coming up now?"

"Not yet," Carla says, " I think I may stay up a while longer. You go on ahead."

"Alright," Peter says kissing her on the cheek, "Don't forget, you have the appointment tomorrow at noon."

"I won't forget. Goodnight."

Carla waits until she is certain Peter has gone to bed. Then she runs over to the bookshelf located in the sitting room. Carefully she maneuvers it as to make as little noise as possible and pulls out a canvas. She lets out a sigh of relief as her fingers gently caress the portrait.

She wills every speck of paint to be flesh itself. But Carla knows it's hopeless, she painted him as he existed in her mind five years ago, a memory, he exists now only as a memory…

Carla wants to recapture the memory of him. The first time she ever saw him, the first time their hands had ever touched and what it felt like. The first time she kissed him. And when they stood on the porch that day looking out at the vast property of the Palace and he told her she should stop staring at him so much as it made her appear too greedy. All Carla could think is that if she could have helped it she would have never stopped staring.

She didn't know she was hiding the painting she had been working on. But if she kept it at the studio, Peter would surely see it and be hurt. He would be disappointed, but she couldn't let go of Liam just yet. She never would, she would relive the moments over and over in her head, grasping at what she could until she re-created him again. Peter couldn't know everything she did, she had had a whole other life before she met him and Liam was apart of it. There was a special place in her heart reserved just for him. A place no one else could ever hope to get to.

She gives the painting one last look, she would make time to work it tomorrow but for now she had to put back.

"Everything is beautiful," Carla whispers to herself. Slowly she gives the painting one last delicate touch. Sliding it back behind the shelf she turns and heads towards the door and upstairs to get some much needed sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

"Are you are a fan of Dacia Matheson Barlow's pieces?"

"I suppose," Liam says, "It's more my fiancée that I am looking to get for."

Liam had arrived earlier than expected for his appointment to meet the mysterious artist. He was being treated to a tour of the gallery by a courier. Surprising given the location, the gallery was not as shabby as Liam had been expecting. Liam's eyes scan the paintings they are all such vivid colors, but nothing really stands out to him. Then he sees it, a painting with a house that looks very familiar…a Palace. He reaches out to touch it.

"Lovely isn't it?" says the courier, "It looks like an absolute dream. Would you believe me if I told you Dacia conjured it up in her head?"

"Don't such places only exist in ones head," Liam whispers. He is consumed with uncontrollable emotion. There is no mistaking it, he is staring a portrait of Paradise Palace.

"Do you really believe that sir?" says the courier utterly bemused, "I'd rather like to think that it is because such places exist in your head, that they are indeed made all the more real."

Liam doesn't say anything; he just continues staring taking in her words. He was certain that he had found Carla; it had to be her. She had to rely on some sort of reality to capture that image. His heart was beating quickly anticipating what he was embarking on. He wondered why he was chasing the past, chasing a woman who was barely within his grasp to begin with…like a phantom. He was going to be getting married; he really had no business here.

"I'd like that one please," he says curtly.

"Of course, I shall have it prepared for you right away."

"Can I ask you something miss?"

"Yes sir. Please ask anything you like, that is what I'm here for."

"Do you believe everything is beautiful?"

"Oh yes," says the courier enthusiastically, "The paintings are simply divine."

"I'm not talking about the paintings."

"Well then what in heavens name are you talking about?"

"Everything…is everything beautiful? I read that in the article done in _The Times_. Do you agree with Dacia Matheson Barlow when she says that?"

"I'm not sure. Never really thought about it. New York doesn't really allow time for me to think, I'm always out and about just passing through on my way to other places. What about you, do you believe everything is beautiful?"

Liam stares transfixed at the painting. The image magnifies the pain he felt all those years ago even more. He thinks of how the painting will never capture the way he felt when he had been at the Palace. The first time he had been there, how it had looked so magnificent with it's Versailles like trees. The image in the painting left what was going on in the inside to the imagination. Anyone viewing it could picture himself or herself walking amongst its walls and across the lawns. Liam would wish to tell anyone engaging in such futility, that it wasn't really worth it to imagine. He knew from experience that the inside was nothing more then an illusion. It was a girl surrounded by all the trappings of wealth and adoration, afraid to leave her glided cage. The Palace was Carla, an imagination that was nothing like reality, an outside image that did not fit what existed on the inside.

"No," Liam says, "No I don't believe it at all." He decides he won't elaborate much further. These artist types liked to leave everything open to imagination anyways. The courier could spend the rest of her days trying to figure him out for all he cared.

Again she shoots Liam another bemused look before becoming flustered and blushing under his gaze. He had that affect on women. He decides to turn away from her and continue walking about amongst the paintings. He is not really paying attention anymore.

"Ahh," says the courier, "Here she comes now sir, 12'o clock sharp."

Liam can feel the pit of his stomach doing flip flops, his hearing becomes more acute and he can hear the gliding of shoes across the hard floors, getting nearer and nearer to him. Still he does not turn around just yet.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Tilda. I've been incredibly busy with the children this morning."

It's her voice…Liam wonders if he is dreaming.

"Oh what shame Mrs. Barlow. I do hope everything is better now," says the courier before adding, "Oh how rude of me, you have a client here…the one Mr. Barlow arrange for you to meet. A Mr. Nicholas Dorscher. Sir if you please?"

Liam shuffles his feet for a moment debating whether to turn around. He hesitates midway, but he has already come this far. Slowly and with deliberation he turns around. She is a vision, not a phantom, nor shadow of her former self. Instead she is a testament to the fact that although time goes on, constantly changing lives, time could not change this…the way he feels every time he looks at her. He is lightheaded, Liam is taking her all in.

She stares at him, letting out a stifled gasp. She to can't believe her eyes. Liam notices how wide they open and how her breathing has become uneasy. She does not know what to with herself under his direct stare and continues to gape at him unable to talk. Liam instinctively smirks she was still his. After all this time he still had that power over her.

The courier predictably confused as usual and unable to pick up on any social cues says, "Mrs. Barlow, this is Mr. Nicholas Dorscher…the client, the high paying client."

"Yes," whispers Carla, still under a spell. Then bringing herself to reality makes her voice louder, "Yes of course."

She steps forward and extends out her hand getting flustered by Liam's staring Her breathing is just as shallow as his, he is admiring her beautiful neck thinking of how he'd like to kiss it, how he had kissed it. Their fingers lightly brush and for fear of feeling something more than she can afford, Carla quickly releases his hand.

"Do I know you?" Carla says. Her eyes are relaying a completely different message.

"No," Liam whispers delicately, "I don't think that you do Miss." Liam's eyes are alight like they are sharing some private joke.

"Mrs." Carla quickly corrects him, "It's Mrs. Barlow."

"Mrs. Barlow," says Liam giving her a humorous look. Did she really think that was going to work on him?

There were a few more minutes of awkward silence. Carla will still quite tongue-tied and Liam had to admit he was enjoying it.

"Perhaps it would help if you gave me a tour of your gallery _Mrs._ Barlow," Liam says his eyes moving up and down her body. He makes no attempt to hide the fact that he desires her more then anything. "I would love to hear all about your pieces."

"Yes of course," she stammers. It is all she can manage.

Liam can see that she can scarcely take her eyes off of him. She can hardly keep it secret that she is utterly consumed by him, that he is the object of her desire. Liam can't help but gloat a little, before giving her one last smile. He abruptly turns away from her to signify that he would like the tour to begin at that very moment.


	30. Chapter 30

**I am sending all you readers my love. Every time I come on here to upload a new chapter I am astounded by all the wonderful reviews I receive. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.**

**Also on a side note I just want to add that for you readers who have been waiting patiently for the next installment to my story **_**Recovery**_**; you all can expect the first few chapters this weekend. **

**This board has been nothing but lovely and I truly enjoy sharing my stories as well as reading the many stories posted on here.**

**Enjoy the next installment everyone**

**~Noeme **

She couldn't believe it and she could scarcely hope to explain it. It was a wonderment of the world and a surprise that God had actually heard her prayers. He had made her memories come true, Liam was standing before her eyes in the flesh. There was nothing imagined about it.

She glides around the gallery pointing her portraits out to him wanting to touch him and guide his hands across the crevices of dried paint. But she had lost that right to touch Liam the day she had broken his heart.

"You utilize vivid colors. I don't think I see a dreary color in here," Liam remarks.

"Yes," she says breathlessly as his blue eyes meet hers. She feels as though the world could end in this moment. And if it did, she would be all right because God found away to grant her one last moment with him.

She remembers how her father had always expected her to be perfect and to make sacrifices for the good of her family. How her mother made her promise at this perfection and labor at it. How Tony tried to lock her away when her exterior showed signs of cracking. And then how her mother sought to deny her the one thing that thing that truly brought out this perfection; she had never felt more perfect in all her life until she had met Liam. If she had stayed in London or even gone to Dublin, her mother would have been successful. She couldn't take that chance, she couldn't be held to that promise.

Carla needed to make him understand that when ran away from England, she wasn't running away from him. Every step she had taken was so that she could have a chance. If Antony had killed her that faithful day she never would have had a chance at anything. She needed to make him understand that he was the vibrancy in her paintings; he was the color seeping through. She wanted to tell him that she had been dead without him all these years that she was scraping by just trying to survive. That she held onto to beauty like it was her lifeline, it was her lifeline, the only reason her heart survived. But course she didn't tell him any of this instead she says,

"I'd often hoped that I would see you again."

Liam slowly turns his eyes away from a flower painting his expression unreadable, "And here I was thinking you were seeing me everyday."

Carla knows immediately that he is referring to the article in _The Times_…

_Everything is beautiful_

She panicked, he must have tried to decipher where he had fit into that statement, what his place had been in her life. Perhaps he had even interpreted the pain she had caused him as being such, something beautiful. She needed to explain that that wasn't the case. He is still staring at her dead in the eyes, waiting for a response. Carla is overwhelmed she could burst into tears at any moment. She doesn't say any thing; she can feel the tremors coming again.

"And now you have seen me," Liam continues once he realizes she isn't going to talk. He moves along to the next painting.

"All my works known for you," she finally blurts out. That is the best she can do to explain it, that he was the reason for her all her pieces of art.

This revelation seems to hit him hard. He is rustling within himself; she can tell he is a basket of differing emotions all coming to a head.

"Don't-," he says, "Don't paint with me in mind anymore."

Carla is taken back. But then why should she be surprised, she had hurt him and he obviously hadn't forgiven her. But still, why come all this way to New York and pretend to be someone else just to meet her? What was the point if he was so angry? She feels herself getting a little angry now as well. This hadn't been all her fault; he had been the one who wouldn't leave her alone. If he had never come into her life, she would have been perfectly fine locked in her cage, like every other woman of her status.

_You know that's not true_

The voice in her head whispers and it isn't true. She would never had been content living the rest her days in the prison of the Palace. If anything, Liam was the reason she had finally freed herself, she had been carrying his child and swore she would give it a better life.

"Liam," she says, "I'm sorry—"

"I'm getting married," he says abruptly like he cannot bare to hear another sound come from her lips, like he cannot bare to relive another moment of the history share.

"Oh," says Carla. Was that why he had come here? Was it to get some closure before he moved on? She felt like her heart, which had been so elated earlier, was now dropping.

"Yes," Liam says not looking at her, "Two hundred invitations have gone out so far. All of London Society will be there. Mother really pulled to make sure Viscount Astor will be in attendance."

It is driving Carla crazy until she realizes that is physically killing him not to.

"Congratulations are in order Sir," she manages but her pain is evident.

Finally he turns to look at her, this time his eyes are watering and his voice is raw with emotion, "How can you-How can you say that to me?"

"I don't know what else I can say," Carla hears herself practically crying. Tilda thankfully has gone on her break.

"It's been five years-five years Carla. What do you think happens in all that time?"

"You go on living, you forget-I don't know."

"Forget," he says, "Is that what you've been doing, forgetting things?"

"Liam please try and understand?"

"Me?" Liam says, his eyes know widening as he points at his chest. "Me understand? Don't you know I love you a thousand times more then I could ever love anyone else?"

It was out; he had finally said what they were both thinking. She wanted to run into his arms and kiss him…but then she thought of Peter. She was with him now and he had been so good to her, she couldn't just drop everything to be with Liam. That wasn't even an option now that he was getting married. She thought about Cillian, Liam didn't even know he existed. He may love her now, but all that love would be lost once he found she had kept such a big secret.

"Liam," she says gravely. She is kicking herself but she has to do this, "You can't feel that way about me anymore."

The look in his eyes is one of pure passion and anger all combined. He steps forward closing in the space between them and grabs her arm.

"Don't you dare act like this is one sided. Don't you dare act like you don't think about me when we are not together, like you haven't thought about me every day since."

"I'm with Peter now. I can't do that to him."

Liam quickly releases his grip. The moment is full of such emptiness; Carla doesn't want this at all. Why must she keep hurting him? She is hurting herself just as much.

"I shouldn't have come," Liam, says embarrassed, "I shouldn't have thought that anything had changed or could be any different."

"Liam—"

"No, don't. Don't say anything. You choose others Carla; you've always chosen others. Why should it be any different now?"

"It isn't that simple."

"Isn't it though?"

"You're getting married!"

"And if I wasn't? If I let her go in an instant, and Carla you know I would, what then?"

"It was five years ago—"

"-AND IT HAS BEEN EVERY GOD DAMN DAY OF MY LIFE SINCE. You see Carla, it is simple if you know what you want."

"And you do Liam? You know what you want? You like the idea of me, that's what you want. You can't even cope when it doesn't fit all that you've imagined. What did you expect? You wanted me to just fall apart in your arms and act like everything could be the same again."

"No Carla I just WANTED you, just you and nothing else. I don't care about time; it wouldn't matter. But I can see know that isn't ever going to be a possibility."

"Liam you're being unfair."

"It's fine Carla, really. I understand Peter has been good to you. I'm getting married; we're leading separate lives now. I won't bother you again, I'm just glad you got away from him."

"Liam," Carla is a basket case. The tears are streaming down her face. Liam is walking towards her.

"Can I ask you something?" Liam says whispering now.

"Okay," Carla replies trying to stifle her tears.

"Can I hold you for a moment?"

Carla looks up at him with her big green eyes. She is staring into his soul, his natural kindness and genuine warmth.

"I think that if you just let me hold you for a moment maybe I can walk away and never see you again."

"I don't want to be like that," Carla protests.

"There isn't any other way. We can never be just friends. Please Carla, give me this one thing. I'll never ask anything else of you again."

He wraps his arms around her and she can feel the heat of him. She wants to disappear inside him forever. The thought of losing him forever and on his terms is unbearable. She breaks down resting her head on his shoulder; she doesn't ever want to let go. She hopes that he will never let go either, a test to see who has the greater courage.

He breaks the hug first his expression is bitter sweet as he reaches down and touches her cheek.

"You got a single tear running down your cheek…just like a rain drop," he says in awe wiping her tear away, "I understand it now, what you said in the article. Everything is beautiful, how could it not be?…The pain, the hate, love… how could anything not be beautiful with moments like this."

He breaks away from her resigned to their fate. And turns around ready to walk away. Carla is standing in the spot where he left her. She is shaking. He turns his head to the side over his left shoulder.

"You're happy and that's good. You found your price and you left, I'm proud of you," tears are breaking through his voice and he tries to steady it, "At least we won't drown anymore." He turns his head back straight ahead and walks out.

Carla wants to scream to curse, to throw things. She wants to lash out and prove to herself that she has made the right choice, that she is strong. But she doesn't no matter how much she wants to run after him she just stands there and cries.

Now unable to move she has come to the realization that although she has escaped her father, mother, London society and Antony her life was still very much lived in pain. What was the difference really? Between the walls of the palace versus the walls of her mind? Her mind is what prevented her from following her heart; she hadn't escaped anything? She had only traded up one prison in place of another. She never really placed a price on leaving the Palace and Antony's evil. She hadn't placed a price on happiness either. And there was no mistaking happiness had a price, it was just a price she was obviously not brave enough to truly fight it. This was the tragedy of her life.


	31. Chapter 31

**I am so sorry everyone. I know I promised this chapter earlier but something came up, so I was delayed for a while. Also I know I promised the start of the follow up to Recovery, but I am not happy with what I have written for that story at the moment. I think I may have to scrap it and start over. Hopefully it can be expected sometime tomorrow. Anyways enjoy and God Bless**

**~Noeme**

He didn't want to feel anything anymore, he wanted to remain unaffected by the world and everything it. Liam thought he had mastered the art of pain during the war, he remembers seeing all those people dying, he remembers becoming immune. Why was it that Carla made him react to things so differently? Why was it that losing her was more painful then any wound or fallen friend? He loved her desperately and had entertained the idea for five years of seeing her again, but now that he had all he felt was utter despair and anger.

She had ended things in a way that was so definite and he tried to pretend that he could do the same. Liam had wanted her to chase him as he left her, to hold onto him for dear life when he had held her in his arms. But she let him let her go, and she did not come after him. Her actions spoke louder than words, the romance was very one sided. So now Liam sat in his hotel room just staring at the wall, and he wondered was all only ever just an illusion? Was any of it real? Did she ever love him? He hated her now, that was all he knew for certain. He vowed to hate her always.

"Mr. Connor," says his servant Albert, "You have a call from London."

"I'm not taking any calls right now. Tell whoever in London that I am busy."

"But Mr. Connor-"

"You work for me don't you?" Liam snapped.

"Yes sir I do but—"

"So if you work for me, you'll follow my orders. Tell however is calling that I am busy."

"Sir, it's your brother Paul. He says it urgent."

" With my brother it's always urgent and things are always dramatic," Liam says impatiently. He just wants to be left alone.

"His voice sounded grave sir…something about your mother."

Immediately Liam felt the blood drain from his face. His mother had been ill for the past few weeks and he was worried about her health. He dashes to the telephone filled with panic and guilt.

"Hello," he fumbles, "Paul is that you?"

"Took you long enough," answers Paul on the other end, "What in heavens name were you doing?"

"Just looking over reports on steel shipments," Liam lied, "How are you? How is Margaret?"

"I'm fine and Margaret sends her love to. But Liam I didn't call just to catch up, I've got some terrible news. It's mother, the doctor says her health has gotten worse."

"I'm packing bags and coming back by Friday."

"More like tomorrow," Paul mutters, But there is more?"

"Go on Paul, what?"

Paul let out a big sigh, "Mothers wants the wedding as soon as you get back."

"What!" Liam freaked, "I don't understand, why so soon?"

"You know it is mothers dying wish to see all her children married before she dies. Michelle and I already have, now she is just waiting on you."

"Surely she isn't going to die now! The doctors—"

"The doctors say it is serious," Paul says in his signature impassive voice, "And you will get married right away and you will be on your way home tommorrow. I won't hear any of this Friday nonsense anymore."

"Excuse me, but I don't have to listen to you. Romola doesn't want the wedding until next April. She wants it to be in the same month as her parents wedding was."

"Romola is no issue," Paul replies, "She has already agreed to the date change."

"Without consulting me!" Liam practically screams. He was losing control of all aspects of his life in one day.

"I think we all know that mother can be very persuasive Liam. Lets not throw a tantrum now."

"It's not fair," Liam shouts. He can't help but feel like a petulant little child.

"One would think you couldn't wait to marry the woman you love," says Paul pointedly, "In any case there is nothing keeping you in New York. Father orders you home at once, I order you to come home at once."

"Paul you can't tell me what to do. I don't care if you are older."

"Well Margaret and I have been caring for Romola for a couple of days now," Paul says.

"What do you mean caring for?" Liam responds now completely irritated at his whole family at the moment. He didn't care if he was being selfish.

"I mean the poor girl has been practically overstaying her welcome at our home. Margaret is beside herself trying to calm that girls nerves, and you know how our Margaret gets when she has any form of responsibility."

"Why is she staying with you two to begin with?"

"Because mother wanted her to be close by for wedding planning. London was simply to far for our mother to travel. And Margaret always wanting the opportunity to impress mother volunteered to let her stay with us, which reminds me—"

"WHAT! What now?"

Paul ignores Liam's increasing anger; "Mother insists that you move back to the country side at once. She needs you to be closer to her and hates the thought of you in London."

"Well I think that it is my choice if I want to move back from London. Romola doesn't even live with me. She lives with her parents. Didn't they get a say?"

"Well they saw our poor mother sick and bedridden and couldn't say no. They want Romola to bond with her future mother in law as quickly as she can. With mother soon to be dying and all, they thought it selfish to delay such a chance at a beautiful friendship."

"You believe this?" Liam says incredulously. Usually Paul rolled his eyes at their mother being sick. He always thought she over exaggerated.

"Yes," says Paul now impatiently, "Now I got to go. Margaret is being absolutely dreadful about my using the telephone. She seems to think I am cheating on her."

"I wonder where she got that idea from?" Liam rolls his eyes.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that Liam," Paul responds, "Now take care to get yourself back to London immediately. If you don't mother will breath down my neck and quite frankly I can't take it anymore."

"Are you done?" Liam snaps.

"Yes," Paul says slightly amused.

"Good," says Liam, "Because I'd like to go now."

"By all means brother, go."

Liam slams down the phone at such a pace it cause Albert to drop a whole bunch of cutlery. Liam gives him a scathing look not because of the dishes but because of his mother and her request. She was so obviously meddling to push the wedding along. But Liam's question was why? And then it all became clear… Michelle; it had to be Michelle. He remembers the way she observed him when everyone was questioning him about the painting hanging in his London townhouse. She had always been able to read his mind, even as a child. Michelle acted strange in the days leading up to his trip to New York. Whenever someone asked him if he was looking forward to going on business here, she raised her eyebrows and whispered under her breathe. He even remembers her telling their friend Samuel Wellington that business wasn't all he'd be doing. Samuel naturally just assumed this insinuated his visit to the gallery of D. Matheson Barlow, which was true. But it was now obvious to him that Michelle had figured out who D. Matheson Barlow was around the time he had also developed his suspicions.

He wanted to know how she could betray him so? What was it to her if he saw Carla again, she wasn't the one engaged to Romola. It made him all the more furious; it made him all the more impulsive. He wasn't ready to let go, he never would be. He snatches up the phone once more dialing the number to the gallery.

"Hello," answers the courier Tilda

Liam demands to speak to Dacia Barlow right away, under the pretense of having forgetting his fiancée and Margaret Wellington's paintings at the gallery.

"Hello," says Carla's voice at the other end.

"Meet me," Liam says, "Meet me right now."

"Liam I—"

"You owe me this," he says curtly, "Please Carla?"

There is a silence at the other end of the line. He can tell she is struggling, having a battle of the mind and the heart.

"Where?" She finally relents.

He is taken aback for a moment that she has actually agreed so fast. He takes a moment to recover.

"The Astoria. Today's my last day in New York and I'm going to need a tour guide. You owe me this, I promise I won't do anything funny now that I know you're with Peter. Will you come?"

"And take you around the city?" Carla says.

Liam notices here voice is suddenly more cheerful. It makes him smirk.

"Yes, around the city."

"I feel bad about you getting your hopes up," she says, "It's the least I can do after you coming all this way."

He knew he had her heart still and the anger vanished. With her his emotions were such a roller coaster, the thin line between love and hate. But he knew he still had her, how could he not, she had barely put up a fight.


	32. Chapter 32

Carla was a fool she just couldn't keep away. Why had she even bothered to put up a fight? She could have found away to be content with wallowing in her pain, but he always found away to bring her out of it. She remembers the time she painted him in the hotel room, how he had kissed her and when she asked what he was doing. He had told her

"_I'm giving you a chance to give into it."_

It seemed he was always giving her chances, and she did not deserve them. He was too good for her. His goodness made her want to cry, Liam was unlike any man who had ever been in her life. He wasn't domineering like her father or just plain evil like Tony. Peter was good to her, but it wasn't enough to just be good she didn't love him passionately. He was more of a security blanket, a friend. So if she knew whom she really loved, why did she not tell him? The answer came down to Cillian, how would she ever be able to tell Liam that she had had his child? Liam was a good person, but he wasn't a saint. No man could forgive that. She reasoned with herself that if he just believed she didn't love him, he could grow to accept it and maybe find a way to forgive her. She could live with that, but she couldn't live with him hating her. He would hate her for Cillian.

She waited outside the Astoria nervously for him to appear, she felt disconnected from all the cabs driving past her and the easygoing pedestrians going about their business. It was around 3:00 pm. Carla wanted to know why Liam was leaving New York so early, had it been a lie just to get her to see him again? Was it because he felt he had nothing left to stay for? Oh how badly she wanted to tell him about his son. When Liam appeared, he took her breath away. He was dressed rather sharp for a tour guide and she couldn't help but stare at him foolishly. She wanted to break the ice, the awkwardness between them. Like what had happened at the gallery never happened at all, but they could still accept the ramifications of it. The world work however didn't work like that.

"Meet me at the hyphen," she blurts out foolishly.

"What?" Liam says raising an eyebrow.

"No one in New York says meet me at the Astoria or the Waldorf," she explains, "Everyone says meet me at the hyphen, the Waldorf-Astoria. Meet me at the Hyphen."

"Okay," Liam says his tone sounds rather annoyed.

Carla knows that it isn't going to be easy trying to make things right, but he was the one who had called her. Maybe he was just being difficult because he was the one who was always fighting for her. Maybe this was his way of saying she would have to fight for him for once, work for his friendship even.

"I just thought you should know, since I am your tour guide for the day. There's a song for it and everything."

"So that's your plan then?"

"What?"

"Just to act like nothing happened," Liam says.

"You called me. You said that we could be friends. I don't want you to leave New York with us on bad terms."

"You were sure okay leaving England without telling a soul."

Carla sighed; this definitely wasn't going to be easy.

"You know Liam, I can just take cab and go home if you're going to continue sniping at me. Lord knows I don't need it."

"You need it plenty," Liam responds.

Carla is hailing down a cab, "You know it's a shame that your nasty personality is not matched by your looks."

"Then why do you keep staring?"

He has been looking straight ahead the whole time. But of course he can see her looking from the corner of his eye. Carla immediately shuts up she has no rebuttal. The cab pulls up and Liam opens the door for her to get in, he follows shortly. The space between them is completely intimate, and Carla looks at Liam once more he is staring straight ahead but completely grinning.

"Where to?" the cab driver says gruffly. He is in a foul mood.

Carla is about to open her mouth to answer, but Liam interjects.

"Me and the lovely lady have just gotten married, problem is I haven't her got a ring yet."

Carla looks at Liam completely alarmed about to interject and say it isn't true. But she feels the urge to laugh. She was feeling like he wasn't so angry with her after all.

"No sir that isn't tr—"

"We haven't got ring yet, and as you can probably tell we aren't from here. Could take us to any little shop that sells rings."

"What are you doing?" Carla mouths to Liam but he ignores her.

"There are many places that sell rings," says the cab driver.

"Well I'll tell you what," says Liam reaching inside his jacket pocket and retrieving his wallet," Take us to the best jeweler in town, and while you're at it you can be our driver for the day. I'll make worth your while."

"How so?"

Liam hands the cab driver a wad of cash erasing his grumpy deposition at once.

"What are you doing?" Carla asks Liam again.

This time he turns to her his face flushed and his eyes full of purpose, "I'm giving a day to see what it would be like if you were married to me. You're always taken by others, but I'm going to prove to you that being married to me is how it should be."

Carla is speechless.

"I thought you were mad at me. I thought hated me? You should hate me."

"I should, but I found out something today that is making me realize that life is too short. It's the reason I called you again. I just want you to see it too. I don't want you be an old woman on your deathbed thinking, what if? I don't want to have any regrets either, like I didn't try hard enough. I am still mad at you though."

The cab drove through the busy streets and Carla felt like she was in another world

"_I'm giving you a chance to give into it."_

She was going to take her chance; today was as good a day as any. The walls had to come down.

"You said you wouldn't ask anything of me anymore," Carla says.

"Well I lied, are you angry?"

"What would you're wife to be think of this?"

Liam grins at her, it is a dangerous seductive grin, "Well she is sitting her isn't she, and obviously she thinks it all a wonderful idea."

There was no resisting Carla impulsively grabs his hand. It is her way of saying yes; yes she loved him. When the time was right she would tell him about Cillian, but now all that mattered was this moment. They pulled up outside a nice little jewelry shop in the downtown area and after handing the driver more cash Liam pulled Carla by the arm ushering her towards the store.

"After you wife," he says opening the door for her.

Carla can't help but play along. This was the boyish fun Liam that she enjoyed; like the one who teased her and distracted her from painting.

"Thank you husband," she says blushing. She felt like a little schoolgirl.

An older man and women who appear to be in their late sixties greet them at the door.

"Welcome to Josephine's," They say in unison, "How may I help you?"

Carla looks up at Liam adoring his every feature. God he was so good-looking, so very desirable. Carla never wanted anything more in her life.

"It's a long story," Liam says putting on the charm, "My wife and I here got married rather quickly and didn't have enough time get proper wedding bands."

"Oh how dreadful," says the lady her eyes gleaming with concern and pity, "My husband and I would be happy to help you."

"Yes," says the man, "We have some fine rings here of the greatest cut."

"Perfect," says Liam before staring down at Carla. "Isn't that perfect darling?"

Carla is at a loss for words mesmerized by him completely. She feels giddy like she is doing something she ought not to.

"Aww," says the woman jeweler," She is completely besotted with you sir."

"You think?," Liam says smirking at Carla.

"Oh yes," says the lady, "To be young and in love again. Myself and the husband have been married over twenty years, haven't we Oliver."

"Yes Josephine," says the man marching behind the counter busily pulling out trays of rings.

"Is the place named after you?" Carla asks.

"Oh yes, my husband and I opened it together. He had a dream of owning a jewelry store. You see my papa had this idea he wasn't good enough for me, because he didn't have enough money. He did everything he could to keep me away from Oliver."

Liam started to walk away towards the counters as Josephine continued to talk to Carla.

"How horrible," Carla says.

"Yes, I know. My papa tried to run Oliver off with a stick a few times. But he always came back and one day he just goes up to my old man and says…I'm gonna marry your daughter mister and there isn't a thing you're gonna do about it. I am gonna give her the world too. And he did, and forty years and five beautiful children later we're still together."

"That's lovely," says Carla envious.

"Josephine stop your yacking and help with our customers," says Oliver over at the counter with Liam.

Josephine guides Carla over and she stands next to Liam, who immediately smiles at her.

"What do you think of this diamond cut?" he says grabbing her fingers delicately for Oliver to put a selected ring on her finger.

"It is a cushion cut diamond cut around the 1870's from the Congo. They have some of the best diamonds," Oliver says, "Four Carat yellow gold."

"It's beautiful," Carla, whispers it truly is the most gorgeous ring she has seen, "You picked this out?" She says turning to Liam. He knew her so well.

"Why the tone of surprise?"

Carla feels like she is going to cry, in fact she is already getting teary eyed. She is at a loss for words.

"I can't take it Liam," she finally manages.

"Don't be silly, of course you'll take it. You deserve the best whatever makes you happy."

"Oh Oliver," says Josephine breathlessly, "This one is a keeper, a sure thing."

Carla notices an emerald necklace that is absolutely stunning. She has always loved emeralds and Josephine rushes to get it out for her. She only wanted to try it on because it reminded her so much of the necklace her grandmother had given her cousin Marie.

"Shall I give you the honor sir," Josephine holds out the necklace for Liam to put around Carla's neck.

His touch is electric so pulsating it sends shivers down her spine. He delicately moves her raven hair so that it sits over her right shoulder. Liam briefly caresses the nape of her neck he is seducing her slowly. They both know the memories behind this action. He extends his arms around her neck, letting her lean against him as he fastens the necklace. Josephine rushes over wheeling a full mirror.

"It brings out your eyes," he whispers his voice is full of yearning.

They stare at one another in the mirror, obsessed with how wonderful they looked, how perfect. They can't be bothered to take their eyes away from everything that could be.

"Oh Oliver don't they just look like paintings? I swear it they looked like absolute paintings locked in time. Doesn't it make you wish they could be like this always?"

"They do look rather lovely," Oliver admits, "That's why there married dear."

Liam and Carla are still staring at one another through the mirror and the look on Liam's face was one of complete wonderment. Finally he finds his voice.

"We'll take it, and the ring to."

"Liam you can't possibly—"

"I can and will. I told once you deserve the best of everything, to see the whole world twice over. Let me give you this."

"Yes let him give it to you dear," chimes in Josephine. Carla is astounded she even heard Liam as he was whispering.

Carla doesn't say anything; she just moves to hold his hand again only to realize she had never let go. This fact makes her smile and with great purpose she squeezes his hand yes.


	33. Chapter 33

**Sorry everyone but I am suffering writers block when it comes to working on the Sequel to Recovery. I know I promised it this weekend, but what I have written for it I do not like. I think I am going to put off working on it until this fic is done. **

**Anyways here is the next installment of Paradise Palace. **

They left Josephine's Jewelry shop in a tizzy. Liam felt intoxicated as though he was living in a dream. They slide back into the cab and Carla leaned in to kiss him. He had never seen her this forward or forceful before, but he was really enjoying it. I guess she was showing that she truly wanted to be with him. It was a nice change, but the cab driver kept on watching.

"Carla," Liam laughs, "Settle down, we're in public."

"Oh he won't mind, we are married after all," she winks.

They go back to laughing and kissing one another.

"It won't last," the cab driver finally pipes up, "All this gleeful behavior. Try being married for twenty years like me and see where it gets you."

"Well no one asked you," Liam says glaring. He makes sure to give off the impression that they are being disrupted, "Now drive like we are paying you to."

"Well it would help if you told me where you want to go instead of just necking in the back like a bunch of twelve year olds."

"I didn't neck anyone at twelve, I don't know what type of twelve year old you were but—"

"Leave it Liam," says Carla, "Just take us to the best Jazz club in town. The one on 99th."

The cab driver turns around raising an eyebrow, "A Jazz club at this hour... good luck with that."

"Well why not a nice hotel that has a Jazz room or something. Just drop us somewhere quick," replies Carla.

"I suppose you'll need to book the hotel room for later no doubt."

"HEY," says Liam grabbing hold of the cab driver by the neck collar in stopped traffic, "Don't talk to her like that. Apologize now."

"Liam don't bother he's not worth it lets just get now. We can walk to a hotel from here."

Liam immediately calms down and lets Carla's hand guide him out of the cab.

"Hey you got to pay me more fare!" The cab driver says.

Liam and Carla both exchange exasperated looks and Liam reaches into his wallet and grabs a five-dollar bill throwing it on the passenger seat. The cab driver speeds off and Liam wraps Carla into a hug. She rests her head on his shoulder as they walk along the street.

"You're a terrible tour guide," Liam teases her.

"I'm on my honeymoon, a woman doesn't give tours on her honeymoon."

" That's a rule now, is it? Did he take you on a honeymoon, Peter that is?"

Carla lets out a sigh, "I'm not married him Liam. I needed away to shed my identity and break free from Antony. Peter offered to let me use his name when I was establishing myself as an artist. I'm not actually divorced from Antony and as far as I know he doesn't even know where I am."

"How can you be certain? I mean it's Antony we are talking about."

"I don't want to talk about him today. You said today was our day, lets not talk about any of them."

"Okay," says Liam kissing her temple, "Not today."

They walk for a time in silence just taking in the sites and Liam makes strange commentary every now and then, that results in Carla laughing like it's the funniest thing she has ever heard. Liam finds it all very hilarious himself, how he has her acting like a school girl with a crush.

"OH MY GOD!"

Liam and Carla are walking along a stretch of sidewalk when a lady dressed in fashionable clothing and about to get into her town car holding her poodle, nudges her husband and points at them. Her husband looks at her irritated.

"What now Cecile? Don't point."

"Oh put Patrick don't you know who that is? That's _thee _D. Matheson Barlow.

Her husband doesn't give her a response, so she takes his cane and nudges him with it and pointing more hysterically says,

"The artist—goodness Patrick. I know it, I KNOW IT."

"Oh my god," Carla whispers, "We need to get out of here. Don't make anymore eye contact." Quickly she tries to wheel Liam around and go back in the direction they came. But it is too late; Cecile has broken free from her husbands grasp, showing her poodle in his arms and breaking into a crazed jog after them.

Liam and Carla exchange glances.

"Sink or swim?" Liam asks.

"Both," Carla says and they break into a jog themselves.

"WAIT," screams the lady named Cecile, "Come back. I adore your paintings. Mrs. Barlow…I have about ten of them now!"

"I thought you said people didn't take pictures of you," Liam says.

"They don't," Carla responds running out of breath, "I am not cut out for this. My feet are hurting."

All the pedestrians on the street are now paying full attention as the deranged Cecile continues her pursuit. She is relentless.

"Don't you know you're my idol? I saw you at an exhibit two months ago, got loads of paintings."

"Cecile," they now hear the voice of Patrick the husband following in pursuit, "Now Cecile stop this behavior at once. Cut it out…stop running. Cecil, I mean it!"

"I think you have the wrong person miss," Liam says looking over his shoulder, "Doesn't she dear?"

"Yes," says Carla, "You've got the wrong person. I'm just a regular lady enjoying my honeymoon with my husband."

"Which by the way," Liam says, "You are ruining with your senseless running."

"I just want an autograph."

"Cecile you heard them! It isn't that artist you're imagining things. Now I'm going have Fredrick just pick me up and forget about you. Is that what you want…Cecile."

"Do whatever you want darling," says Cecile gaining more ground, " I know it is D. Matheson Barlow. I want another painting and an autograph."

Liam was trying to figure out how her feet weren't hurting and why her extensive fur wasn't weighing her down.

"Oh my god, how are we going to lose her, my feet are in pain."

"Ditch them," Liam says almost immediately.

"What?"

"Take them off and I carry you, but be quick though that Cecile is really making ground."

Carla slips them off and Liam swoops her off her feet, she is light enough for him to run reasonably fast. with He just has to maneuver through the suddenly very busy street. He is constantly apologizing for whacking people, but they manage to lose her in an influx of people and Liam spots a hotel, just what they are looking for and sets Carla down. They immediately start laughing.

"Do you think there is any chance Cecile will find us?" Liam says breathlessly.

"I hope not, I don't think Patrick is too happy with her at the moment. But you're my hero, picking up and running through the streets. Very romantic."

"See that's what being married to me would be like. I am a gentleman through and through.

"I don't doubt it, with lovely things like these," Carla says gesturing towards the necklace and ring she is wearing.

They entered the hotel and still holding hands they walked through the lobby. There were a lot of guests chatting outside a grand ballroom. Before Liam can ask what is going on, a hotel employee approaches them.

"Are you here for the Bernal wedding reception sir?"

"N-", Liam is about to answer, when Carla cuts in

"Yes, yes we are. Are we late?"

Liam stares at her completely astonished. The Carla he knew back in England would never do such a thing. It made her all the more attractive, more adventurous.

"Well they are doing speeches right now. Are you on the list?"

"Yes," says Carla shooting Liam a mischievous look, "Where the cousins from England."

"Hmmm," says the employee looking at his list, "Name?"

" Do we really have to bother with names? I need to sit down." Carla gives the employee a doe eyed stare. She looks stunning and Liam has no doubt it would work on him if he were working here.

"Yes, she is bare feet sir. She needs to sit down, we practically ran her just to make it on time."

"Just give me a name—"

"Darling go to the desk and get the hotel manager. This man is causing us problems," Liam says glaring at the employee. He could do menacing pretty well.

"I-I Sir I don't want any problems-"

"Then you'll let us inside if you know what's good for you," Liam pulls out another five dollar bill and shoves it in the mans coat pocket.

"Fine," stampers the employee, "Just go."

"Smart man," Liam says.

He steps aside and Carla and Liam holding hands walk gingerly towards the entrance. They grin at each other and Liam thinks how perfect they make as a team, bringing out all sorts of crazy sides in one another. It was time to crash a wedding.


	34. Chapter 34

They entered the wedding reception in the middle of the toasts and speeches. Carla was surprised with herself as she guided Liam along and just went up to the first table she spotted with a couple of empty chairs. It was full mostly of people around their age and a few older people as well.

"So sorry we're late," Carla says pretending to know the people at the table. They all exchange confused looks, but no one is brave enough to admit to not knowing her. They all assume that one person or the other at the table may actually know her name. "We got held up in traffic, didn't we Liam?"

"Of yes," says Liam following the charade and before anyone can protest he pulls out a chair for Carla before settling down beside her.

Everyone is still staring confused, until an older lady with auburn hair says, "Oh how lovely of you to come. We thought you'd never make it."

Carla kicks Liam's foot from under the table and they both exchange grins. Liam she thinks looks absolutely adorable biting his lip and suppressing the urge not to laugh.

"You two look stunning together," says the man next to Liam, "I don't remember seeing you at the church?"

"Well-" Liam falters, "We couldn't make it."

"Nor could she," the man says pointing at the auburn haired lady, " You were being difficult about the whole thing, weren't you Sarah?"

"Oh Michel you know how I feel about this wedding…"

"How do you feel about this wedding?" Carla boldly butts in, again Liam gives her that look he has been giving her all day, the look like he has just laid eyes on her for the first time. I guess she was really surprising him today with her carefreeness.

"The bride is Catholic and the groom is Christian, surely you noticed his kippah," says the woman Sarah offended that Carla would even ask such a question.

"And what's the matter with that?" Liam says.

"Everything! They wont last; it's a complete mess if you ask me…following your heart. Some people are just not meant to be. I don't see the point of fighting against it. But you young people always want a life of your own."

"Forgive her, she can be absolutely morbid at times, very opinionative, says Michel."

"No worries," says Liam before adding slyly, "I have brother who thinks and acts just like her. He likes to be negative on every occasion; he seems to think that if he isn't ruining someone's day then the day is wasted."

"I don't see anything wrong with what I said," says Sarah curtly, "In fact I am willing to wager the whole table agrees with me."

"She likes to gamble," says Michel randomly as if that would explain Sarah's behavior, "You two aren't from around here are you? Your accents seem to be from elsewhere."

"We're from Britain," says Carla.

"And actually we just eloped," adds Liam and then grabbing Carla's arm says, "Carla darling show them your lovely ring."

"Oh it is stunning," says a younger lady sitting next to Carla, "Your fingers are so long, do you play the piano?"

"I do actually," says Carla.

"Lovely, just lovely."

"She deserves the best," Liam says not taking his eyes off of her.

The man named Michel steers the conversation back in his direction, "Why did you elope? And why pray tell, were we not invited?"

Carla wants to laugh; these wedding guests had actually managed to convince themselves that they knew her and Liam.

"Well our families didn't approve-," Carla starts off.

"-Because I'm an Anglican and she is a Catholic."

"Oh look at them already finishing each others sentences, nothing says married couple more then that," chimes in the woman who had complimented Carla's hands, "And not to mention they look absolutely stunning together."

"Well I wager that they could steal attention away from the bride and groom today," says Sarah, "Any bride and groom for that matter. But sadly it might not work, you both being from different faiths and all. You should always marry Catholic if you're Catholic."

"Oh be quite Sarah, they look so lovely together. I was telling Michel as you guys approached how much you looked like a portrait, a beautiful painting. Could you imagine Michel, if these two had children? They would be some of the most beautiful children in the world."

Carla felt a flutter in her stomach. Cillian flashed right in front of her eyes. If only they knew, if only_ he_ knew. But as Carla looks at Liam he is oblivious and carefree, soaking up the compliments. His smile was so broad and she knew that he probably was imagining their children.

"Now Sophie," says Michel, "I don't think we should creep them out. I think it will make them rather uncomfortable, if we try and imagine what their children would look like. Am I not right sir?"

"It is no worry, we like the flattery," says Liam winking at Carla, "It's good knowing we made the right choice and others think so to."

Carla feels her heart melting, the anxiousness evaporating. She wants to stay like this always. She doesn't want to think about telling him about Cillian now; she doesn't want to turn that smile and that glimmer into one of hurt and betrayal.

"Hush," says Sarah motioning to the table, " Main speeches are starting. This should be interesting…"

What a negative bitch Carla thought and her and Liam once again caught each other's eye. They were thinking the same thing. Every one looked to the front of the ballroom as all the tables settled down as the man sitting on the right of the groom got up with a piece of paper. Nervously wiping his forehead he clanked his glass demanding everyone's attention,

"As everyone knows we are here today to celebrate the union of our dear friends Aaron and Lila. Aaron is an amazing fellow, a long time friend of mine. My heart breaks with happiness to see that he has finally found his match. When everyone said it would be impossible to get the girl, he thought otherwise, he fought hard. Now I don't know about all of you but, it makes more sense to me given all the things that mankind choose to fight about, whether it be for wars of glory, power and land, that the fight for love is the fight that makes the most sense, more sense then all of the rest. So my closing words to the blushing bride and handsome groom are to fight everyday for love, because everyday is going to be a battle. But if you want love then it will be worth it. Love is the only thing worth living and dying for. So fight for your love, and in closing dear Aaron and Lila I will leave you with this quote, I got it from a news paper article in _The Times_ actually, but here it goes…Everything is beautiful. Moments go, but the purpose of life is trying to find a way to make the beauty last."

Carla felt a shiver down her back. Surely this was God's way of telling her something because that man was quoting her words from _The Times _article. She was getting teary eyed and over come with emotion.

"So Aaron and Lila remember whenever you drive each other crazy and get mad, that everything is beautiful. And remember to find a way to make the beauty last," the best man raises his glass to the beaming couple and then turning to the crowd makes a toast, "To making the beauty last."

"To making the beauty last," the room repeats raising their glasses right back at him.

Carla feels the pressure of Liam's hands as his fingers intertwine with hers. This moment was perfect. This moment was beautiful and she wanted it to last

"Now I don't how I'm ever going to top that speech. Damn you Joshua, you always have to upstage me", jokes the maid of honor, "But here it goes…"

When speeches were done it was time for dancing. Since the groom was Jewish the reception incorporated the Hora dance into the reception. Everyone gathered around helping to hold up the chairs as the bride and groom went to sit down on them. Liam was actually up in the forefront. He was so friendly with all the guests he was quickly becoming a fast favorite at the wedding. He had a way of putting people at ease. Sophie insisted on holding his other hand as they danced in circles around the bride and groom who were on the chairs ascended above the wedding guests. She also insisted on gushing over him at every turn. Liam was enjoying it only because he knew it would make Carla want him more, and be proud that he was hers and hers alone.

Carla was having the time of her life clapping along to the songs, if she were to tell past self that sometime in the future she would one day be in New York at a wedding actually having fun, her pass self wouldn't believe it. Society weddings were nothing like this, they weren't heartfelt instead they were stuffy and restricted. She thought of her own wedding to Antony, it had been the most stressful day of her life. She didn't smile because her father insisted on no emotion and she sat like a porcelain doll, seen but not heard. This bride didn't look stressed at all; she looked happy like she was looking forward to actually living the life of marriage. It wasn't a death sentence. So she clapped and clapped just enjoying life and the opportunity this lady was being given to get right the first time around.

Carla turns to her lovely Liam astounded and euphoric. There was no one else in this world she rather be with now

"We need another couple for the Hora," says Michel as the bride and groom are set down. You and your new wife should do it," he suggests to Liam.

"Should we?" Liam says looking shyly at Carla. She couldn't get over how charming he always was.

"Only if you want?"

"Do it," says Michel.

"DO IT," follows Sophie

Soon enough the whole wedding party and crowd are shouting, "DO IT, DO IT!"

Liam grins at her and immediately grabs her hand pulling her through to the center of the circle, they put on a show bouncing around and dancing. They switch opposite arms just acting like a bunch of kids in love enjoying the moment. They bounce over to where the bride and groom are waiting to lift each of them respectively.

"They just got married to Lila," says Sophie.

"Lovely," says Lila offering Carla her hand.

"I hope I don't fall off," Carla says to the bride.

"I was worried just like you, but trust you won't. We won't let you fall."

With Carla climbs up onto the chair glancing sideways at Liam he seems to think her nervousness is funny, "We can only sink or swim, right darling," he says reassuringly.

"Right," Carla says, "Only sink or swim."

And they are elevated in the air. It is a wonderful feeling having a whole bunch of wedding guests cheer you on, even a bunch of strangers know her and Liam are meant to be together. As the chairs elevate up and down to the tune of the Hora, Carla laughs and so does Liam and they reach out touches each other's fingers. It makes Carla's heart beat faster then ever before. She always thinks of the first time they touched when their fingers do that. When he finally manages to grab her hand, he lowers his lips to kiss it. It is tender and full of such devotion. The whole crowd claps ecstatically; it sends them into a frenzy

"I love you," Liam mouths to her.

"I love you to," Carla whispers back.

"To making the beauty last," shouts Michel and soon Sophie, the bride, groom and all the other guests are shouting it to.

Perhaps they sense that all Carla needs is a little push. It is working because she loves him, and she has taken him for granted. But she won't do that again because he is worth fighting for. And Carla will fight for Liam, everyday for the rest of her life. She has found the price to happiness and it is the battle one fights tirelessly to love and be loved. There love would last.


	35. Chapter 35

It was getting late and as the sun was setting the wedding party made their way up to the balcony of the hotel to watch fireworks being set off in the bride and grooms honor. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Liam wanted to take a picture and keep it in his mind forever. He wanted to keep this day in his heart always.

He hadn't told her the news about his mother yet, how she was sick and demanded he come back to England at once. He only told her it was his last day in New York, he had tried to find the right moment but the timing never seemed right. He had seen Carla, his Carla blossom into a beautiful flower in the space of a few hours. She was a person who was truly happy, a person who had finally given into it.

Liam watches her as she chatters away with Sophie, Sarah and some of the other friends they have managed to make at this wedding.

"Oooh," says Sophie grabbing Carla's hand and pointing out into the sky, "Look at the fireworks; they are so pretty, the colors so rich."

"They are," agrees Carla and she looks over her shoulder meeting Liam's eyes.

There was that look again, the look that blew him away. He couldn't help but dream that this was there wedding. He watches the bride and groom as they rubbed noses and looked at each other with such passion. He admires how the groom leans in discreetly and whispered something in his wife's ear that makes her smile, and he thought it was the most beautiful and natural thing he had ever seen. He would never feel that way about Romola, he would never want to whisper in her ear and share a private joke. They didn't have that connection, that devotion.

Liam walks over near to the front of the balcony, where Michel is now opening champagne for a greater celebration.

"Oh be careful Michel," says the maid of honor, you can't spill it on my dress! I will kill you."

Champagne explodes everywhere and Michel calls for glasses to pass around. Liam accepts his flute offering it to Carla who has found her way over to him. She looks tired, but then it is late now. They spent such a long time at the wedding reception. She slides her fingers to intertwine with his.

As the fire works continue she lets out a gasp, the most incredible sound he has ever heard.

"What's wrong?" Liam whispers.

"Nothing," she says looking up at him, "The fireworks just made me think of my grandmother, the green…we used to have fireworks on her birthday when I was a child. Those are the times when I was truly content, the moments I spent with my grandmother. "

"I didn't know that Liam," says, "I need here more stories about you." Most of what he had heard where stories from others about how she was locked away in an asylum by her own father.

"Maybe you will," Carla says stealing a side glance at him before turning back to the view, "After all we have a whole lifetime ahead of us of stories to tell."

His eyes light up and he feels more and more nervous. His stomach is doing flip-flops, she wants to spend the rest of their lives together, and she loves him. He still couldn't stop smiling at the fact that she had said she loved him back. He puts his arms over both of her shoulders linking her hands and they rock back and forth enjoying the view.

"Darling," says Sophie his new friend, "Have a glass," she offers him a champagne flute.

"I think it is time to have one last hoorah before the bride and groom go out onto wedding bliss," says Michel, "Aaron, and Lila we love you. We wish you many many years of matrimonial bliss."

"Yes, " says Joshua, "Just kiss her whenever she acts out, that ought to shut her up!"

The crowd erupts into laughter

"Yes Aaron that ought to do it!" adds another voice.

Liam nudges Carla, she is crying. The day has been emotional for the both of them.

"What's wrong darling girl?" Liam says taking her into his arms, "Why are you crying?"

"I don't want it to end," she says, "You're leaving tomorrow and by then it will be too late."

"Don't say that," Liam responds but doubt crosses his mind.

He remembers Paul's threat that he better be on his way home tomorrow. Suddenly he feels suffocated by family obligation, it was selfish. His mother was dying and all he cared about was his own happiness. He thought of Sarah's remark at the wedding, how all the young people these days wanted a life of their own. He want, it was a life that was his, not what his family wanted for him. He wanted Carla whatever the cost, whatever it may do to his family.

The wedding party makes a path way on each side of the balcony and erupt into clapping as the groom takes his brides hand and walks down the center.

"Where are they going?" Liam asks Sophie while soothing Carla gently stroking her raven colored hair.

"They're leaving silly," says Sophie, "And we're all going to see them off."

The crowd starts a procession following the bride and groom out, the women clutching their handkerchiefs and crying hysterically while the men take one last swig of the champagne and get ready to call it a night.

The wedding party made there way to the front of the hotel where a car was waiting with the sign _"Just Married". _Aaron scooped his blushing bride up as the crowd shouted out well wishes.

"Goodbye Aaron! Goodbye Lila, we love you."

Sophie began to throw confetti as everyone waved. When they were in the car, the bride turned around waving until they were out of sight.

"What a breathtaking sight," whispers Sophie to Liam, "You'll want a wedding like that. You'll want to do it over one day with your ladylove here, "She says pointing to a tearful Carla.

"Maybe will one day, the timing is just not right," he responds, "We would want everything to be perfect."

"See, now there lays the problem…_maybe_. I think the word is so indecisive. How about you will, and when do get married proper… none of this eloping stuff, you'll make sure to invite me won't you?"

"Of course," says Liam almost laughing. Sophie was very pushy.

"Yes," adds Carla, "We will."

"You had better," says Michel appearing at Sophie's side. "Imagine what mother would think Sophie of us just going to a complete strangers wedding."

Liam's mouth drops wide-open and so does Carla's they exchange looks of disbelief.

"You knew?" Liam says.

"Yes," says Sophie smiling, "We asked around at the wedding and no one knew you. But oh boy did we enjoy the company."

"Well," says Liam perfectly flustered, "I'm impressed."

"Hey at least when we go to your wedding, you'll be strangers we actually know," smiles Sophie taking her brothers arm.

"And you're siblings to," says Carla, "You're both full of surprises."

"That we are."

"You know what time it is?," says a random guest speaking in Sophie's ear, "Time for us to drive out to the watering hole in Greenwich."

"What?" says Liam.

"The watering hole," says Michel, "It's a tradition. We're all gonna go swimming, dive off the cliff. It's all good fun actually."

"You should come everyone is leaving now," adds Sophie.

Liam stares at Carla and she gives him a look that says she would rather they spend sometime alone. Although he quite enjoyed the fun of all the new friends he met at the wedding, he wanted to spend what was left of the evening with Carla.

"Sorry, but the wife and I were thinking of spending the rest of the evening alone. We are probably going to go back to our hotel room."

"I see, I see. Say no more. Would you like a ride back to where ever you're going?"

'Oh no," says Carla, "We're fine. We can walk and if our feet get tired we will take a cab back the rest of the way."

"Alright," says Michel. Some of the wedding party is hailing for him to come with them so they can get ready to go.

"It was lovely meeting you," Liam says shaking hands with Michel and hugging Sophie.

"And the same to you both," says Michel.

"Who knows maybe we'll really actually see one another again," adds Sophie grinning at him and Carla, "Look at how lovely they look Michel."

"Okay stop creeping them out, they know you think they are gorgeous. We got to go now. Hope to see you someday, before you tally hoe off to Britain again."

"Maybe you will. New york is a very interesting place," Carla says.

With one last goodbye Michel and Sophie get inside the waiting car. They drive away honking and shouting out at them driving off into the night. Liam holds out his hand and Carla takes it immediately.

"Do you have to get home now? I remember you have a daughter."

"Giulia, yes. But she is a big girl now, she takes care of herself a lot of the time. Plus I get a lot of help."

"And Peter, won't he be waiting?"

"I don't care," says Carla, "Now that you're here, nothing else matters right now."

"Does he know about me?"

"He knows_ of_ you. I told him all about you before, when I made up my mind to leave Antony."

"Really? Like what?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like what did you tell him about me?"

Carla gives him a mischievous smile and then says coyly, "Oh nothing…"

Liam's mouth drops wide open his eyes are alight with embarrassment, "You didn't! Carla tell me you didn't tell him about…you know."

Carla starts laughing hysterically, "You should have seen your face Liam. If only I could take a picture," she gives him a playful shove.

Liam gives out a sigh of relief.

"Of course I didn't tell him all that stuff. But I didn't need to. He is a good man, Peter," then hesitantly she adds, "I have kissed him before."

"Only kissed?"

"I haven't seen you in five years Liam and he is always kind to me and Giulia. At first I didn't encourage anything, but as time went on things progressed. But now-"

Liam felt a pinch of jealousy overcome him, "But now?"

'You're back and I can't fight it anymore. I can't fight the only thing that makes me feel alright inside."

"You tried to fight me this morning."

"I was trying to be brave. Trying to do what I thought was right by Peter. But I am tired of living my life trying to do what is right by others. I want a life that is my own."

This is what Liam wants to here, he wanted a life of his own as well. Instinctively he pulls he to the side of a building aligning the sidewalk and kisses her. He kisses her lips, her neck, her eyelids and she gives out a gasp. He has that affect on her; no one else would ever be enough for Carla.

"You know what Peter says about you?" whispers Carla.

"I don't give damn what he says about me," Liam says lost in the moment burying his in her neck.

"He says you're like my own little Byronic hero; that the reason I keep dwelling on you is because you're mad bad and dangerous to know. But then my grandmother always said that was what first loves are like."

Liam looks at her grinning, "Smart man, Peter is." His look is one of lust, he could be very dangerous in this state, very seductive. He just wants to get her out of here and make love to her all night.


	36. Chapter 36

**The song Liam sings in this chapter are the English lyrics to a song by Cui Jian called Greenhouse Girl.**

**As always thank you readers from the bottom of my heart xoxo. I had the day off from work and school today so I could write a lot more today. Enjoy**

**~Noeme**

Carla is trembling as he leads the way guiding her into his hotel suite. Her legs feel like they could give way at any moment and her hands are hot and sweaty. She longs for him in a way she has never longed for anyone else. He is gentle but persistent as he leads her down the hallway past the sitting area and piano room into the bedroom section.

Slowly he sits down on the edge of the bed and pulls Carla towards him, so that she can rest on his lap. Carla is facing him and looking into his eyes now, they are vivid a gorgeous blue. Slowly he leans his lips towards hers kissing her slowly and with precision. She wants to kiss him more, to feel the full width of his mouth, but he is teasing her.

"You're trembling," he whispers in her ear, "Your hands…are you nervous?"

"Yes," Carla manages to respond feverishly. He was making her crazy.

Liam smirks, "Good," he says, "I like it that I make you nervous." He gazes down at her hands again, a mark of curiosity marred across his face before glancing back up at her, "Your hands really are shaking though."

"It's nothing," Carla lies. It was in fact her tremors but she had never told him about them before, why tell Liam now. It would be better once she took her medicine.

"Maybe I can make them better," he says looking at her seductively.

Gently he grabs her fingers and brings them to his lips kissing each finger one by one. Carla lets out small gasps as he does this. She doesn't know how much longer she will be able to contain herself. He is clearly enjoying making her wait. Keeping her eyes for a while he leans in to kiss her once more. The feeling is heaven and this time Carla can't control herself as she quickly unbuttons his shirt and pushes him down by the shoulders. Slowly he moves his hands around her waist feeling his way up her back to undo her dress zipper, he slides it off her shoulders letting it fall to her waist. Raising his head back up he kisses her neck, moving down across her shoulder area. Then he lowers his head to kiss her breasts. It is the most exalting, most pleasuring feeling. She digs her fingers into his shoulder blades, and muscular back whispering his name over and over. again

Slowly he grabs hold her by the waist gently moving her so that she is the one lying on the bed. Their breathing is more labored now; she can feel his hands sliding the dress of her lower body. Then Liam starts to gently remove her underwear, slowly moving his way up to the top. She needed him inside of her, to feel his touch on every part of her. His hands knew her like no other it was unbearable. And then Liam is inside of her and she doesn't want it to ever end, as she moves her fingers through his hair. They move together until they can't move anymore.

The moonlight had such a way of illuminating his face as he slept, Carla could only stare at him in awe.

"Liam," she whispers stroking his cheek, "Liam, wake up."

"Hmmm," he says fighting the urge to open his eyes.

Carla pinches his arm and he lets out a noise of pain.

"Okay I'm up," he says his cheek still resting on the pillow and his hair unbelievably messy. "What's up?"

"I love you," Carla says, "I love so much."

"I know," he says pulling her into him and stroking her cheek, "You're just stubborn about it."

"Who me?" says Carla half joking and half serious.

"Yes you," Liam responds grinning at her seductively. He is admiring her body, moving his hands up and down her shoulder blade, "I swear each time with you gets better and better."

"What, does Romola not do it for you?" Carla teases.

"I never slept with her before. I don't want to either. I just want be with you."

Carla smiles and then grabbing his free hand she asks, "Can I ask you something?'

"Hmmm."

"How did you know?"

"How did I know what?"

"That I was the woman for you? How could you be so certain, so unafraid?"

"Yow really want to know?"

"Yes," says Carla giving him a giggle.

"Well," he says raising his eyebrow playfully, "You were mad bad and dangerous to know," Liam pulls her into closer to tickle.

"Oh Liam stop," Carla says trying to control her giggling, "I'm being serious I want to know."

He looks at her with great intensity, "When I first saw you I thought to myself I'd never seen a woman more beautiful. But it wasn't just the outside; it was the beauty that comes from within. And thought, why does she look so sad? She should swimming in a sea of good fortune, not being drowned by him."

"Antony?" Carla says.

"Yes, him."

"You saw all that the moment you met me?"

" You made think, what if I never saw you again. What if that was the only time we'd ever cross paths. I couldn't bring myself to consider it and it's strange because I've lived so many years without knowing you. But they were all empty and it made me appreciate life, the simple fact that we are all doomed; that we'll never have this exact moment again. Everything becomes more beautiful because of it.

"I never thought I could inspire such feelings in a person," Carla says truly touched.

"That's because you sell yourself short," Liam says and then grabbing hold of her kisses her forehead, "I've always wonder, what they could have done to make you think you had no way out."

Carla closes her eyes; there is that familiar feeling of pain. The pain that existed at the Palace and the pain that existed long before since childhood. She is struggling not to cry, not to be so vulnerable.

"Carla look at me. Look me, tell me."

"I used to stand in my crib in the nursery," says Carla remembering all the pain, "Ever since I was a child he would stand in my doorway. I had be what he wanted me to be; feel only when he said it was okay to feel. Father didn't understand emotions he thought they were weakness. He told me to stand in front of the mirror and never away look away for I was sinner, I was out of God's grace."

"He doesn't know you then."

"He's my father. He drilled the story about the Lady of Shallot into my head. I was told to never look away from the mirror until I saw what I really was and that what I really was, was all bad. He told me it would lead to nothing more then my death."

"He's horrible. That's a horrible thing to say to a child."

"But he was my father, and I believed every word he said. I wanted please him, I just wanted to be good. But I couldn't be and so I suffered from bouts of hysteria. And father would lock me in my room and punish any servant who dare take pity on me. Then he just tired of me and put me away in an asylum."

"He's a monster. You normal to me Carla."

"Only on the outside Liam, it was only ever on the outside. When father was facing some financial difficulties, he came to whisk his daughter from that prison. I was sixteen, I didn't know any better. And then married me off to Antony Gordon and got some of Alasdair Gordon's diamond money. I thought I was safe with Antony; he was nice in the beginning until he wasn't anymore. It was the little things at first, like the glare in his eyes, or the way he told me I was getting fat. So I stopped eating, I wanted to please him just like I had wanted to please father. I wanted to be perfect, but Antony wouldn't have it. He said the imperfections were rooted deep inside of me, like a stain. He hated me, because I wanted to be free. He didn't understand freedom, since he thought he gave me everything."

"I'm so sorry Carla," Liam whispers his voice is grave.

"It's over now. I'm away from them all aren't I? I paint now, painting makes me happy and they can't take that away from me."

"We should get a little summer house, out in the Hamptons somewhere. You could spend your days painting and I could hunt."

"Hunt," Carla says, "Surely there is something else you do for fun?"

"I swim."

Carla is surprised by the news she didn't take Liam for a swimmer.

"Well I used to anyways, until my mother put a stop to it. It was taking away from the weekends where I could be playing crochet with her and the rest of the family instead. Oh and I like jazz to. Some the best times I've ever had have taken place at a good old speakeasy. And with Paul no doubt."

Carla is still trying to imagine Liam as a swimmer. She can barely wrap her head around the concept of Paul Connor actually being good company. She suppresses a giggle.

"I often wonder what you were like as a child," Carla says, " I imagine that you'd be very sweet." Then thinking to herself she says, "Like your son Cillian."

"I was," says Liam giving her a seductive look, "The ladies loved me, and they still do."

"Oh shut up you charmer," Carla jokes pushing him playfully.

"I am going to make you pay for that," Liam says grabbing her arm.

Carla manages to wriggle free from him and jumps out of the bed quickly wrapping a sheet around her body. She runs from the room, looking over her shoulder daring Liam to chase her. She hears the rustling as he gets out of bed and slips on his undergarments following her out.

"Come back here Carla."

"You're going to have to catch me sir."

"That will be easy. I am way stronger than you. Please think about that."

"I'm not scared of you," says Carla running towards the sitting room.

Liam follows in pursuit. God he looked so sexy, she thought. She enjoyed making him chase her. Suddenly he grabs her out of nowhere by the waist lifting her off the ground and tickling her. Her laughter is uncontrollable and then Liam uses the opportunity to steal a kiss. He is trying to suppress her laughter through muffled kisses, but Carla has a feel it may go further then that. She playfully pushes him away and runs over to the piano she starts to play her favorite song.

"What tune is that?" Liam asks sliding onto the bench right next to her. He watches her adoring her every keystroke.

"You've never heard of it?"

"No."

"It's called Twilight and Mist," Carla continues playing.

"Teach me," Liam says.

Carla grabs his hands and places them on the piano guiding his fingers and lifting them to press certain keys. She adores the way he is smiling and full of awe.

"Does it have words?"

"Yes."

"Will you sing them for me?"

"Yes," Carla says and she begins to sing, _"As evening fell a maiden stood at the edge of a wood. In her hands lay the reins of a stallion,"_ _ " And ne'er I seen a girl as fair, heard a gentler voice anywhere. Whispered "Alas…" She belonged, belong another—Another forever. Yes, she belonged to the twilight and mist…"_

"Are you the girl?" Liam says to her their hands intertwined once more.

"What girl?" Carla says completely breathless and overtaking with his gentle thoughtfulness.

"The girl in the song? I think you might be. You're the girl that everyone looks at from afar and never dreams they can actually ever have her. But then I had you didn't I. I'll always have you, screw the twilight and mist."

Carla stares feeling like Liam has overtaken her heart for the millionth time this evening. And then he starts to play the piano and he is actually rather good, so he must have been pretending before. She just stares at him speechless, like he is a vision. He is too good to be true and then he sings,

"_I walk past your flower room everyday. I see you but I say nothing I'm so afraid to look at you. Oh girl you say I'm the strongest and I say you're the kindest you ask me where I'm going I point to the ocean oh girl…"_

Carla wants him so badly. She would probably never have enough.

"What?" he says grinning perfectly aware that his attempts to seduce her again are working, "Why are you staring much?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable sir?" Carla says seductively.

"Yes," Liam responds jokingly.

"Well I'm sorry sir, but you must give me leave to look at you, there's no hope for anything else."

"You're stealing my lines Carla," Liam says grabbing at her.

Carla starts laughing again. She enjoys the playfulness as she gets up to run away from him. Liam catches her and pins her beneath him on a nearby couch.

"Do you remember what else I said to you that day?" he whispers his voice full of ecstasy.

Carla nods her head as he slowly beings to pull away the bed sheet his eyes taking her naked body all in. He seems to be in another world consumed with desire once more.

"Tell me," he says his face inches away from hers. She can feel his hot breath/

'You said that I deserved to be happy. More than any other woman, I deserve to be loved."

"Hmmm, he says circling her neck with his fingers, "I better keep my promise then."

He enters her once more and Carla is taken to the full depths of happiness.


	37. Chapter 37

**Warning some serious topics of abuse ahead in this chapter as well as other topics. **

**~Noeme**

Liam smiled, he was in adoration of her and venerating Carla like a devote follower venerates a saint. He had come to New York with such a weight in his heart, with nothing to look forward to but a life wedding to a woman he could not love, and to nights that would be spent afterwards sleeping side by side like figures on a tomb. Carla was tangled in him, their hands clasped together like second nature; they were not figures on tombs at all.

The fact that she was here with him now truly made him appreciate the finality that exists with each and every moment, they would never be exactly as they were now. Carla stirs beside him, before settling down once more. He delicately moves his arm out from around her and kisses her forehead before getting up off the floor. Carla wraps the freed up sheet around her and continues dreaming.

Liam walks into his bedroom and going into the bathroom he turns the bath faucet, plugging the drain and watching as the water rises. He decided he better make himself decent before Albert and his secretary arrived, he still had some more business to do. He would wake Carla after and send for some food when she was in the bath. When the water has risen, Liam puts his leg over to climb in.

"You weren't going to invite me in?"

Liam turns around to see Carla grinning at him in the doorway. She is wrapped in the sheet once more, her raven hair flowing down to her shoulders. She looked like a goddess, he wanted her again, and he is addicted to her.

"I thought you were sleeping?"

"I was until you left me; that woke me up with a start. I can't bear for you to leave me anymore. I've been without you too long."

"Come here," he says he can feel his blood rushing again, "Close the door."

Carla closes the door immediately letting the sheet drop from her body she takes her time walking towards the tube, he is delirious with want he barely speak. She blushes under his gaze and slowly extends one leg over the base of the tube and then another. He was speechless; she looked like Botticelli's birth of Venus. She seats down opposite of him, letting the water engulf her and slowly he pulls her closer to him…there was that gasp again. Then she falls on top of him, kissing him and giggling as water splashes everywhere. He feels her fingers move through his hair, getting it wet. They make love again, the third time in one day.

She leans with her back against his afterwards. They are both speechless, just so far gone. Liam knows he never wants to come back from the depths of these feelings. She gave him the much-needed strength to face the day, filling him up to face what lay ahead. He strokes the top of her wet head, resting his chin upon it in a daze staring straight ahead as Carla talks to him. They aren't talking about anything in particular, just random things, things that only people who have known each other long enough would think to talk of. The familiarity that exists between them is so strong; it doesn't feel like they have been separated for five years anymore. It only feels like a day. He forgave her everything, all the pain and hurt. This made up for everything, they could finally be together, and it was no longer an impossible dream.

"Why did you choose the name Dacia Matheson?" Liam asks Carla. He has been wonder this since he first met her again.

"I don't know. I always liked the name Dacia, I liked the sound."

Liam looks down at her catching her beautiful green eyes and giving a quick smile, "And Matheson?"

"Oh, well that is the last name of the servant at Paradise Palace, Mary. She saved me you know, I owe her a great deal."

"Hmmm," Liam says going back to staring at the wall. Carla grabs his fingers, kissing them delicately. He can feel the unsteadiness of her grip, there was that trembling again.

Silence passes between them and then he can't take it anymore and he has to ask her because of it doesn't it will bother him all day.

"How long have you been trembling like that?"

Immediately Carla drops her hands from his view trying to shield them, "What trembling?"

"Carla I can see your hands. They're trembling profusely, what's wrong?"

"From childhood," she says quickly, "A habit from childhood."

"A habit," Liam replies raising his eyebrows, he swiftly grabs her hand bringing it up to his face for closer examination, "You call this a habit?"

"That is what father used to say. He told the nuns to smack it out of me, that is of course after he had them force me to stop writing with my left hand. Please don't look at it, I hate it when people look at it."

"What caused it?"

"Hysteria, or that's what the doctors say. I rather like to think it was the countless hours of being made to feel imperfect. With father at home and the nuns who tutored me breathing down my neck, I got nervous a lot."

"I could kill him for what he did to you," Liam says angrily, It makes him mad that the woman he loves has been made to suffer for so long, It angered him that her father and Antony took her for granted, they had caused this. When the time was right Liam felt he would kill Antony to.

"Can we not talk about it anymore," Carla pleads squirming against him almost like how a child would squirm from anything uncomfortable.

He didn't want to change the subject, but he was noticing that with Carla she often didn't want to elaborate on things or give him any reason for her various behaviors. If someone confronted her she ran away, or pleaded and tried to act tough. He remembers the first time they made love against the tree how she had tried to runaway from her feelings for him then. She glared at him and pushed him away, but he wasn't having any of it and he certainly wasn't having any of this at the moment either. He needed to know that his love was okay and would be okay.

"That's all it is, childhood?"

"Yes Liam, now please can we be done with it?"

"If it was something more you would tell me, right?"

Carla let out an exasperated sigh, "Yes."

"You never did tell me why they call you Carla instead of Caroline?"

"Yes I did," says Carla her voice showing signs of annoyance, "It was a habit from childhood."

"Whose habit?" Liam says deliberately. Another habit, he thought, could she blame him for wanting to know more about her?

"Someones," she says rather curtly. The anger surprises him and she shrivels up in an instance moving away from him, "What time is it? I better get ready."

"What? Have I upset you Carla? I just wanted to ask a question, and it was a simple one at that."

"Liam," she says grabbing for a towel, "You don't know when to stop. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Liam wasn't going to back down and she should know this now, "What don't you want to talk about? The reason behind all your tremors, or why you're called Carla? I really don't understand the big deal?"

Carla has her back turned to him drying off, "Why do you have to ruin a good thing? Why can't you just leave it alone?"

Liam now throws his arms up into the air letting out a incredulous laugh, "But that's the thing? What am I leaving alone exactly? You always seem to be harboring secrets."

"What is this about Liam? I don't think it's about secrets from childhood. You must be mad about something else, and looking for a reason to push me away."

"Me push you away," says Liam now rising from the tub and reaching for a towel, "When have I ever pushed you away? Name one time Carla, or are you just trying to change the subject and run away like you always do." He was becoming infuriated and wrapping the towel around his waist he steps out of the tub. They had just gone from being so happy to fighting.

"I have good reason to run away," Carla says glaring at him and walking out into the bedroom. She starts rumbling his covers and looking around on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Liam says now very annoyed with her theatrics. She always had to switch back and forth between loving him and running away.

"I'm looking for my dress, I am leaving now."

"Like clockwork you are, so predictable Carla. Running away again?"

"Yes," she says icily, "You are smothering me, acting like I have some big secret to hide just because I didn't tell you about my bloody tremors. Well so what Liam? That it isn't the first thing I blurt out when I meet someone. So now you're going to get all mad like I am hiding things from you. I am leaving."

"No you're not," Liam says, "You're staying here." He wasn't going to back down as he shoves on his underwear and yesterdays shirts and pants. He rushes to the door blocking her exit.

"Get out of the way," Carla whispers, "Liam get out of the way."

"Stop being so dramatic."

"Get out of my way," her tone is deadly.

"Stop being dramatic."

Carla swings at his hands with such force it startles Liam, but he won't play her game. He won't let her just run because he asked her a question he didn't even know was a bad one.

"You say I'm just looking for a reason to push you away Carla? Well I think it's you who's looking for an escape route. To bad I wont be giving it to you this time,"

She keeps trying to push him out of the way in attempts that Liam finds truly pathetic because he is much stronger. He isn't going to lose her for another five years over something so stupid. But he felt in a sense that she owed him an explanation over something that was so little since she had never bothered to give him an explanation for the reason she broke his heart. Perhaps he was still a little angry just and hadn't know it.

"AHHHH," she screams like a child not getting her way, "Liam this isn't funny anymore. I want to go home."

"Stop keeping secrets then."

"I'm not keeping anything from you. You're overreacting over nothing."

"You have an option, answer me one of these two questions. Why did break up with me at the ball? What was the real reason, don't say Antony because I won't believe you."

He sees that her green eyes go wide and there is a fear that etches across her face. So he was right, she was hiding secrets. He kept her eyes locked to his and gripping her hands leads her backwards until she is sitting on the edge of the bed and then speaking concise and clearly says,

"The second question you can answer is why you like to be call Carla. It's your choice."

Her breathing is shallow and the look in her eyes that was tender no too long ago was full of anger.

"You really want to know why I'm called Carla?" she says her voice is low and struggling to maintain its composure.

Liam nods his head yes. He is glad he is getting something out of her that she has calmed down now.

"It's for much the same reason that I tremble."

"I don't understand—"

"I had an uncle, my auntie Barbara's husband. He used come into my room at night on visits-"

The blood drained from Liam's face. He feels guilty, like what he was about to hear was something he shouldn't. He immediately wanted to take back his incessant need to know, "Carla you don't have to tell me-"

"No, you wanted hear right? For there to be no secrets between us? So here it is Liam. He would come into my room and do unspeakable things to me and when he was done, he'd always call me Carla. He was the only one who was nice you see, the only one who didn't require me to be perfect. I liked him until he did what he did to me, but by then the name already caught on for the rest of the family. I finally realized the only reason he was nice was so that he could do those things to me. Caroline died along time ago Liam. It's been Carla since I was fourteen years old; Carla is the tremors, the hysteria, the girl who dropped out of the ballet academy. Why should I be known by anything else other than what I've been made, " she flings his hands from hers and gets up moving past him.

Liam gets up turning around, "Carla," he says his heart is breaking, "I didn't—"

"You didn't know, but now you do," her voice is icy still, " And you're right I have been keeping secrets."

Liam does not say anything he just moves towards her wanting to take back the past few moments, to make things alright again. But she puts her hand out to block him.

"I've been keeping secrets Liam. But that's not the biggest one."

"Carla what are you talking about?"

"Your son Liam."

Liam feels the blood drain from his face, did he hear correctly.

"What?"

"Your son," she says her voice is full of so much anger and so much pain. It's true intent he knows is to cause him pain for making her reveal the abuse by her uncle, "I had your son Liam and I gave him away."

"Wh-," he feels his legs collapsing beneath him. He looks up at her and sees she is still glaring the feeling is gone from her eyes, "You're joking."

"I'm not," she whispers.

"Why?" he hears himself saying pitifully, "I don't understand?"

"Five years ago I had your child and I gave it away. That is why I ran away, theirs your answer. That is why I broke your heart at the ball."

He collapses on the floor he can feel the tears coming. This had to be a sick joke. But the way she is looking at him he knows it is not. And then feels it rise within him an anger he has never felt before. It is an anger that only exists along side anguish. He feels completely betrayed, like he is staring at her all the times he had, but this time it was not in awe but instead like it truly was the first time he was actually seeing her, and he did not like what he saw.

"Get out," he whispers and this action seems to catch Carla off guard because he has never spoken to her with such a venomous tone, "Get out."

"Liam—"

"When were you going to tell me Carla? HUH? WHEN? How many times were you going to let me make love to you like a fool before you told me? What were you just going to wait until you got pregnant again, maybe give that baby away to?"

The anger is wiped from her face and Liam can see that she can now comprehend the fatality of what she has just revealed But it is too late to take any of it back. He can never look at her the same, and she knows this. She knows he is slipping away so she drops to her feet and tries to reach at him. This time it is him who backs away.

"Liam it wasn't like that you don't understand-"

"I don't understand a lot when it comes to you."

"You hurt me and I just said it because I wanted to hurt you," she tries to reason.

"No Carla, that was all the truth. You're just trying to backtrack"

"Liam just let me explain—"

"There is no explaining THIS."

"Liam-"

"All this time I have felt so bad for the way things ended up between us, for five years I have been wanting to see you, be with you. But now it's like I am staring at you and I don't know who you are. You're not the woman I was with last night, you're not the woman I saw five years ago for the first time painting in the summer sun. Maybe that was never who you truly were… who are you? Why would you say something like that, even if it was lie; I don't understand you." Liam feels his heart closing up because he is completely immune to the tears that are running down her face. He hates her and he will never forgive her this, the betrayal was too much he can't even speak of it.

"Liam I had to get away from Antony."

"You didn't have to give away my boy! You had no right! I just want you gone, please leave and don't ever come back."

"Liam we finally have a real chance to start over. I was just angry because you made me bring up things from the past."

He can barely hear her speak because his mind is going a million miles a second, "There is no we," he says without emotion, "You gave up my child. I had a son I didn't know existed. You gave me up the day you gave him away; you gave away a piece of me. Now get out, get out of my life. I don't ever want to see you again."

Carla struggles with the depths of his words, he can see that she is truly wounded. He does not care, never has he wanted to hurt someone as badly as he wanted to hurt her. Finally she realizes that the fight is up and slowly she rises from the floor. He is on the floor slumped against the bed, just staring past her shoes. He will not look at the full length of her; he just wants her to go. She stands for a moment more, before hastily turning on her heels and leaving the room. Liam watches her shoes go and all he thinks is how everything is not beautiful, it was never was not after all. The most beautiful things in life had ugly secrets; he would never trust her again. He wanted to erase her from his memory, he wanted to take back all of yesterday. He breaks down and gives way to the tears; until he is sobbing and howling violently. He gave his heart and she gave it away, she gave away his child and buried it like it was a childhood secret. He can't stand to be here anymore, anywhere where she also exists. More then anything he wants to be back home in England with his family.

**I am kind of afraid that I will receive some backlash for this chapter. Please understand that this chapter was very hard for me to write. I adore Liarla so breaking them up again hurts my heart, but it had to be done. Have faith that they will find away back to each other again. Like any couple they will have their ups and downs. So please dear readers don't hate me.**


	38. Chapter 38

**London-1925**

He parked his car getting out and taking care to leave his luggage for the servants as he ran up the stairs of the country home. He ignore the help and their constant fawning waving them away with his hand as he walked in the direction of the sitting room where all the voices were coming from.

"Liam," says Phillipa as soon as he appears in the doorway, "You're back darling. We've missed you. She got up gracefully and went to wrap her arms around him.

At first Liam just stood there not sure what to do. He hadn't let a single human touch him in days. He was thinking about how she had touched him, how she had deceived him. He wanted to get ride of her essence, scrub himself clean of her betrayal. He would never forgive Carla for what she had done.

"Are you not going to hug me back?" says Phillipa getting ready to pout. Liam really couldn't handle this right now.

"Course he isn't," says Paul appearing at Phillipa's side flanked by Margaret, "He is still pouting about having to come home early, aren't you Liam?"

"But he came back when scheduled Paul," says Margaret who gives Liam her best attempt at a warm smile, "Leave him be, he's home isn't he?"

"That's not the point Margaret. Father said get home immediately, not on Thursday or Friday, immediately."

"Oh shut up," snaps Liam still very much irritated by his brothers every little sound. He wanted to punch his brother in the face, right out assault him actually. It would make him feel better. He removes Phillipa's hands from his body and stocks over to a nearby couch. He is in a gloomy mood and just wants to sit and be angry at the world. He wanted to hurt her…

"Liam!" Michelle pokes her head into the room and comes running in instantly, "You're back I am glad."

"Michelle," says Liam curtly. He hasn't forgotten what he was sure she has told mother. He wasn't going to pretend like things were okay between them.

"No hug?" she says standing in front of him. Liam will not budge and he doesn't care if they think he is behaving like a baby, he was so pissed off.

"I don't think Liam is giving hugs today Michelle," says Margaret.

_Smart one Margaret he thinks to himself scathingly. She should get an award._

"Well I do hope he doesn't just sit there all day," says Paul beginning to talk about Liam like he wasn't in the room, "I find it all very immature giving the current state of mother."

Liam just shoots him a glare to which Paul responds with indifference as he lights a cigar.

"Where is mother anyways?" asks Michelle.

"How the hell should I know," says Paul, "I'm not her governess. She is probably out in the garden looking at her tulips, scrapbooking them like she's grandmother Caroline. It's all very dreary business if you ask me."

"You're such a bastard, you know that?" Liam says

Paul stands with his mouth wide open the cigar ready to drop until he regains composure. Liam looks over at Margaret who is staring equally aghast, but with a hint of admiration. He had probably just said what she was always thinking. Michelle and Phillipa just look speechless, because Liam rarely ever called anyone names.

"I beg your pardon?" says Paul, "What was that brother?"

"I said you're a bastard," Liam says slowly rising from the couch. He could deck his brother just about now.

"Oh really?" says Paul giving him a smirk and looking at his wife, as if to imply there was humor in this all, "And why is that exactly?"

"How dear you speak about mother like that. She's dying and you just sit around making snide remarks like that. Have you no morals?"

Paul starts blowing smoke rings as if to say he doesn't really give a toss, "Are you done now? I think the audience would like a chance to applaud," turning to Michelle he says, "Go on sister applaud."

"Leave me out of this," says Michelle trying to shrivel away, "I don't want any part in it."

"Oh really?" says Paul now settling into an armchair, "Go get me a gin and tonic Margaret," he commands before continuing, " I find it hilarious that you talk of morals, like you have some Liam."

Margaret heads over to where their father keeps a selection of alcohol and starts pouring drinks and mixing. Phillipa just stares around the room pretending to be interested in tapestries while Michelle glares at Paul.

"What are you going on about?" Liam says the annoyance sweeping through his veins.

"I think you have your anger misdirected Liam," says Paul, "You blame me for making you come home early, but I think you should give fault where fault is do. I won't be blamed for anything to do with this matter?"

"What matter?" says Liam although he has a sinking suspicion as to what Paul is alluding to.

Paul ignores him however talking as though Liam had not just asked him a question, "Funny thing that happened, right Margaret?" he says as his wife comes back with her drink in hand.

"Yes dear," Margaret replies sitting down on the arm of the chair. She doesn't look particularly interested in what her husband is talking about.

"Our Michelle," Paul continues, "Happened to have a strange incident happen to her. Father sent her over to Mr. Antony Gordon's house with Thomas one day, I was out of town and he needed one of his children to retrieve documents."

"Oh just stop talking about it Paul," shouts Michelle.

But Liam wanted to know, so he just waved her hand off.

"When she was at his house, she saw a peculiar selection of paintings."

"What sort of paintings?" Liam says his voice becoming shaky.

"Take a guess," Paul says.

Liam was not going to play into his game.

"Oh for god sake," says Michelle, "They were flower paintings. They looked a lot like the ones I saw in the paper, the ones Margaret Wellington has been fawning over. I didn't think, I blurted it out that you had a self portrait like it."

"You said that to Antony?" Liam says his voice now reduced to a whisper.

"Yes," Michelle said, "And then he told me that some of them were by his estranged wife Carla Gordon and that the others were by a coveted up an coming artist named Dacia Matheson Barlow. The wheels were turning in my head, but it was like he already knew Liam, it's like he knew the conclusion I was going to arrive at. He had already figured all it out."

"It doesn't end there," says Paul his blue eyes fixed coldly on Liam's, "See our Thomas took it upon himself to mention that you were in New York at that very moment purchasing a couple of paintings from this artist. Apparently Antony became a sight to behold after the very mention of you visiting thee Dacia Matheson Barlow. One has to wonder why?"

Liam looks away from his brother, his face and neck turning red. He wanted to forget her already; he wanted to get out of this room. But it frightened him for a moment. What would Antony know? He found himself being concerned for Carla's safety until his mind reminded him he was angry with her.

"Then it hit me brother."

"What?" Liam says raising his voice.

"Why you didn't want to come back from New York straight away and married dear Romola. You were seeing that crazy hysterical Gordon woman. You just couldn't keep away. Am I wrong?"

"It has nothing to do with you!"

"That's where you're wrong Liam. It has everything to do with me. This is our family honor, our business and livelihood. You spit on father doing whatever it is that you've done with her, but hear this now-"

"What? Are you seriously threatening me?"

"Yes Liam," Paul says rising and puffing out his chest, "I am threatening you. Someone has to."

"Now Paul," intrudes Margaret, "You don't know the true nature of his and Mrs. Gordon's relationship—"

"Shut up Margaret," says Paul holding up his hand, "Let me finish, Hear this now brother, that if you ever behave in that way again there will be hell to pay. Mother knows about it all because Michelle rushed and confessed everything she knew before I even had the chance. But father is still in the dark, so you better get it together put a smile on that face of yours and marry that girl if you what's good for you."

"You don't have a right to tell me what to do!" Liam lunges at his brother and they get into a scuffle.

Margaret maneuvers out of the way observing the situation with little to no reaction while Michelle and Phillipa scream at them to stop and pull them apart.

"STOP! STOP IT!"

Liam is in tears as Phillipa drags him off of Paul. He is in so much pain, he just wants to punch something, and he wants to cry out for his son. But he doesn't he just stares breathless at his brother.

"Father won't be too happy to hear about an emerald necklace and ring charged to his account. I can bet you those purchases didn't make their merry little way back to England!"

"Stop it Paul," hisses Margaret, "I'm sure Liam gets the message."

"You're fucking dead Paul! The next time when you don't have our sister to protect you I am going to beat your ass. You fucking bastard!"

"Liam stop it, please stop it," pleads Michelle, now on the verge of tears.

He turns his attention to her now, completely disgusted by the sight of her at the moment, "And you? What gave you the right to go running to mother?"

"Liam it wasn't right. I saw the look in your eyes at the engagement party. Romola was so clueless to it. She doesn't deserve this-she deserves to be loved! She is a nice girl, you can't keep pushing everyone away to get at Carla."

"What about me Michelle? Don't I deserve to be loved? Don't I deserve to be happy?"

"Of course," Michelle shouts practically crying now, "Of course you do Liam. But Romola loves you so much."

"WELL I NEVER GAVE MYSELF A BIG BUILD UP. SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS GETTING FROM ME, SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT NEXT TIME!"

"Liam please!" says Phillipa.

"Stay out of this Pippa! This between Michelle, Paul and I."

"She wants to get married to you Liam. She adores you," Michelle continues.

"It's not my fault if she loves me in a way I don't love her. It happens to all of us. What's another loveless marriage on the notch of the family tree? I mean our Paul and Margaret know all about living in a loveless marriage making one another miserable."

"Do you hear yourself right now?"

"Yes, Michelle, I hear myself perfectly. I never asked to be loved by her! That is her own misfortune, if she chooses to love me. Fine I marry her, but don't expect anything else. I don't have to deal with this anymore, so please get the fuck out of face sister."

Michelle moves aside wounded and speechless. The whole room is silent and then Michelle runs into Phillipa's arms and started sobbing. Liam didn't fucking care, she could sob until the cats came home. The Liam he once was died in New York, that Liam died with Carla's betrayal. It would be when hell freezes over that he would ever consider forgiving his sister. He takes one last look at his brother, sister-in law, sister and cousin before recoiling in disgust. He can't believe he ever sought solace in any of them. None of them could be trusted anymore. None of them had his back and he hated every single one of them at the moment.


	39. Chapter 39

It was the way he had looked at her, his stare so direct and penetrating the walls of her whole existence. She had told him the horrible thing that was done to her, the deepest most depraved evil. He gave her his pity and for a few seconds he gave her love. Perhaps it was because when the words were spilling out of her, she didn't truly understand the gravity of what she had said; the truth that Caroline did not exist anymore just the messed up rudiments of her…Carla. The fact that Liam was in love with this creature made her ill, she hated Carla with all her tremors and secrets. How could he love her after what she had revealed? She couldn't take the pity, so she wanted to hurt him for not being satisfied with the exterior. He always had to get at her, he knew her in ways that frightened her. Carla wanted the upper hand in that moment and it was impulsive and cruel, but she didn't want to feel like the weak little girl her father put away all those years ago. She told Liam about Cillian simply to direct the pain on something else…someone else, to focus on his pain instead of her own.

She regretted it immediately. She thought in the moment she saw him crumble to the floor that she had become just like Antony. She had said she loved him only to turn around and hurt him. The pain she had caused him was almost surreal, it was like she had left her own body and watched the two of them in that room. Carla saw the monster she had become, reckless and spiteful. She remembered how it started with Antony, how he would lash out and hurt her just to get a reaction. How was she any different then him? She had done the exact same thing to the man she was supposed to love. So Carla decided she would not stick around to further become the person who hurt him first just to say she loved him. She would never let it get to that point. Carla loved Liam and it was because she loved him she couldn't be selfish with him. He deserved better, not to be hurt impulsively.

She looked at his eyes, staring back at her as she tries to paint them. Carla wants to cry, she is angry with herself, for ruining a good thing. But perhaps she had done it all on purpose because she truly believed she would never be worthy of him with all her demons. Carla would love him always, even if she never saw him again; she would raise Cillian to be better then her. Maybe when he was older he could find his father, but not now, not after what she had done.

Carla is painting in a trance like state lost in her thoughts she doesn't even realize Giulia has been standing over her shoulder with her arms draped around her neck.

"Hello mummy," Giulia says kissing Carla's cheek, "What are you doing? Who is that you're painting?"

"No one," says Carla almost dropping her brush. She is on edge.

Giulia raises an eyebrow, "No one? You sure paint him a lot for him to be no one."

Carla doesn't want to explain anything to her daughter at the moment regarding Liam. She just wants to lock him away and never have to mention him again.

"Its that supposed to be Cillian when he is older?" Giulia continues to inquire, "He looks so handsome. Cillian will definitely be handsome."

Carla can't help but smile in all this sadness, "He already is GuGu," Carla gives her daughter a mischievous wink.

"Hey! Only Cillian can call me that mother, you know the rules. Cillian calls me GuGu while you and Peter just call me Giulia and father calls me Giulia la bella."

Carla feels the blood drain from her face at the mere mention of Antony. She slowly puts her paintbrush down trying to calm her onset anxiety.

"Mother have I upset you? Are you okay?"

"Oh no darling., just feeling ill."

"Is it father? Should I have not said anything?"

"No baby," says Carla clasping her daughters elegant fingers in her hand, "I am just not used to talking about your father that much."

"You never talk about him though," Giulia whispers, " I sometimes think the life we had at the palace must have belonged to someone else."

Giulia looks on the verge of tears and Carla quickly embraces her stroking her raven colored hair. Carla's own pain took a backseat.

"I am so sorry baby. I know it must be difficult for you—"

"It's okay," says Giulia looking up at Carla, "It is hard sometimes. But I often tell Cillian of our father, it makes me feel better you see, he asks a lot. I feel closer to papa at these times and tell Cillian all about the things he taught me. Like how to play the piano and that he always had the best stories. I tell Cillian the same stories and I'll teach him the piano to, so that papa lives through those who knew him."

"Giulia," Carla whispers horrified as much as she feels pity, "You speak as though he is dead. Your father is not dead."

"He might as well be mother, " Giulia says looking up at Carla with solemn eyes, "You've kept him from me for five years. He only kept you away five months-"

"Giulia, Carla repeats she needs to make her daughter understand that leaving the palace was for the best, "That place was not a home."

"It was to me," Giulia says, "It was the only home I knew. It was always be home, something I love."

"Giulia—"

"Maybe it means nothing to you, but don't tell me the same. The memories their, they are the only things that matters mother, they are the only things that lasts. I tell Cillian all about Paradise Palace and I am going to take him their one day—"

"Giulia you need to understand we are never going back. We left for good. This is our home now."

Giulia ignores her, "It was always so beautiful their, and I will keep its memory so green that Cillian will think it is an endless spring at the palace. When we're old enough I will take him their mother and he will meet our father to."

The panic sets in just thinking about Antony ever laying eyes on her son. It is enough to make her impatient with her daughter, who was choosing to only remember the good side of her father. Carla felt like she wanted to scream, to ask her if Giulia remembers what caused her mother to flee for five months to London and then finally to New York. But Carla contains her anger because she doesn't want to hurt her daughter impulsively. It wasn't fair to hold her to the same standards as an adult. Could Carla truly blame her for adoring her father and the memories at the palace when they were so different than her own? What she saw was a home with a perfect exterior that laced the sinister happens behind closed doors. Giulia never witnessed her father when he was in attack mode. The palace meant something different to her. But for Giulia to tell Cillian that Antony was his father was something Carla couldn't deal with right now.

"Go along and practice the piano darling," Carla says hugging her daughter and dismissing her.

Giulia glides to the door in swan like perfection before turning around and adding, "Mother I just wanted to let you know that I sent a letter to grandfather Gordon for his birthday a week ago. I miss him and papa, I wanted to let them know I haven't forgot about them."

Carla feels the blood draining from her face, the tremors are coming but Giulia doesn't seem to notice.

"Y-you did what?' Carla finally musters.

"I sent grandfather Gordon a letter for his birthday," Giulia says casually before adding, "Oh and I had Cillian sign it to."

With that Carla drops out of her chair. This can't be happening…why was this happening? Alasdair knew about Cillian's existence, which meant Antony most likely did to. They also probably knew her location, they would find her easily and all of Peter's connections would be pathetic against Alasdair's.

"Mother!" shots Giulia rushing to her side at once, "Mother are you okay?"

Carla can't breath she feels her air passage closing and her vision getting weak and blurry. Giulia's identical green eyes are looking into hers and as she drifts in and out of consciousness she sees a figure... death standing over Giulia's shoulder draped in black hood. The figure slowly removes its hood and Carla cannot believe her eyes all she can do is cry and scream.

"Mother what's wrong with you? Mother what are you staring at?

"Behind you," Carla musters.

Antony is staring at her, he is coming for her, coming like death on a pale horse.

"_Hello Carla," he whispers, "I've missed you so."_

Carla begins to twitch and turn as he bends over her extending out his hands reaching for her neck. She cries, "Please Antony, please don't hurt me…please I've done nothing wrong."

"Carla," whispers Peter.

Her eyes readjust to the room and she see Giulia cowered in a corner crying while Peter is leaning over her soothing her.

"Where is he?"

"Where is who?" Peter asks

Carla blinks around more confused then ever. She could have sworn he was their standing over Giulia dressed like he was death. She saw him, she had to make Peter realize that he was here.

"Antony," she whispers.

"Not in front of Giulia," says Peter quickly and then turning to Giulia says, "Go fetch your mother a glass of water dear, please?"

"Antony," Carla repeats.

"He's all the way back in England he can't hurt you."

"Liam was all the way back in England and I managed to hurt him…"

"Carla you're just speaking incoherently now—" Peter begins

Carla cuts him off. She doesn't know why, but she is tired of keeping secrets.

"He was in New York Peter and I saw him."

"Saw who?" Peter says lifting Carla's head up to give her support, "Liam? I think you're hallucinating."

"He was real," says Carla feverishly, "… just couldn't keep away. I love him, I slept with him…"

Peter's eyes widen they are marred with disbelief at first and then hurt. Slowly with deliberation he sets her head down, Carla can see that he is sizing her up trying to figure out what to make of her.

"How many times?" He says in barely a whisper, "Once?"

"No," Carla says, "Three."

Peter bites his lip taking the revelation in he seems to be struggling with the right words in which to express himself. Finally he says, "Well that's just grand isn't Carla? When can we expect another little Cillian?"

"I didn't want to keep it from you—"

"We'll talk later. We'll take when you are feeling better."

With that he storms out of the room. Carla doesn't feel like telling him the truth has lifted any weight from her shoulders. He wasn't the person she wanted to tell the truth to anyways, he wasn't Liam.

Antony is coming for her, coming like death on a pale horse. The hysteria was back.


	40. Chapter 40

"I was thinking teal," says Romola sitting at a big table in the drawing room of Liam's parent's country house, "Teal and pearl for the wedding colors."

Romola is joined by her mother Elizabeth, sister Elena, and good friends Margaret Wellington and Fiona Stape. The ladies are gushing over the wedding plans and have various charts lain out. Liam is passing by the doorway, when Margaret spots him and ushers him in.

"Liam darling," Margaret beams jumping up and kissing him on both cheeks, "I just wanted to say thank you again for the lovely painting. Samuel and I absolutely adore it. He reckons were the only people in England who have it."

"You're welcome," replies Liam trying his best to be friendly. However he is just not feeling it. In fact he is rather numb to all the events unfolding around him.

He can see that his mother's health is truly deteriorating by the second. The doctor comes from London twice a week now and his mother spends most of her days sleeping. The doctor tells Liam's father that it is consumption and that her chances of making it to the end of the month are highly unlikely. Romola was somehow deluded into thinking she could plan a big wedding with over 200 guests in attendance in two weeks.

"Liam," Romola says ushering him over, "Mother thinks our wedding colors should be red and white. She says red because it is romantic and white because it's pure. However I think we should go with teal and white; teal because it represents devotion, trust, and healing. I think it speaks volumes more than predictable red."

" We haven't any time to dabble in all these things. I told you what my opinion on the whole affair was, that we should have a small quite gathering with just family. My mother's health-"

"We have already sent out over 200 hundred invitations," interjects Romola's mother Elizabeth, "All of London high society will be there. The viscount Lord Astor is expected to attend with his wife Nancy. You can't push the wedding forward, it is impossible there is too much to plan."

Liam shot his future mother in law a cold calculated look, "This is between Romola and I Elizabeth."

"Is that so?" she quickly retorts. Her daughter shoots her an alarming look.

"Mother!"

"No Romola I am going to say what needs to be said." Turning back to Liam she says, "Your mother already insisted that the wedding be moved up from next April to accommodate her needs. My daughter has had to leave our family home in London. It is preposterous for her to now expect us to scrap all the plans for a big wedding once more. We have been too accommodating and I am putting my foot down right this instant. "

Liam couldn't really care because the truth is that he does not want to get married. However he would not take this woman's insults about his mother. He glares at her and then Romola who looks positively shaken by her mothers words.

"We will talk about this later, please and thank you," he is surprised by the mean connotation of his words. But again he really couldn't care. He turns quickly on his heel walking out into the hallway. He hears Romola round off on her mother and he is strangely satisfied. Elizabeth had no right to interfere.

Along the hallway he sees a servant passing by with a bunch of flowers. He quickly beckons her over and takes a few from her hands before heading up the stairs towards his mother's place of rest. Slowly he opens the door, the curtains have been drawn and his mother lays propped up by many pillows. All around are trays of food left untouched. Liam is annoyed that the servants have not cleaned them away. She seems unaware of his presence as he pulls up a chair beside her bed.

"Mother I brought you some lilies, you're favorite," he says placing them on her lap.

He notices that her skin is pale and her eyes strangely vacant as she stares straight ahead. Because she gave no sign of acknowledging his presence, Liam felt strangely safe with her in that moment like he could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge. He could be absolved of his sins, get things off his chest.

"Mother," he whispers now grasping her hands they are chilled to the bone, "I don't want to marry Romola mother. The truth is I never did."

His mother continues to look straight ahead, her breathing more and more labored and her blinking sporadic.

"You always raised us to be honest, to tell the truth. I can't feel like a good son until I tell you the truth mother. I wake up every morning and just go through the motions. I feel nothing but I used to feel things, I know they're in here somewhere. I just don't feel things for her. I love someone else and I can never love anyone but her."

His mother slowly turns her head to look him. Her blue eyes are stoic, Liam wonders if she has truly heard a thing. He feels like he is going to cry.

"Mother I love somebody else. But the truth is she was never mine to love to begin with. And she betrayed me, so I find myself at a weird crossroads. I don't want to forgive her, I feel like what she has done is unforgiveable. But then I find myself thinking about her always, about how things could be."

Eileanóra clasped Liam's hands with a resurgence of strength. She did here her son after all.

"What do I mother?" Liam says, "What do I do in this twisted little web of love and hate?"

She begins to struggle, her throat congested but she beckons him to lean in close to her. Liam does so, his ear right near her mouth. He listens to the sound of her labored breathing for what seems like an eternity. Then he hears the faintness of a whisper.

"Endure," she whispers propping her body up on the pillow, "Endure like all others have before you."

"Mother-," Liam says taken aback by the sternness of his mother now near the brink of death, "Don't I deserved to be happy? Aren't I entitled to be with someone I love?"

"No Liam," she whispers, "What you deserve is what all men deserve, to make the best of the situation God has given them. There is no need to go chasing the past."

He feels all the compassion and love he had for her draining in that moment. How could she say she cared for him and adored him and deny him the choice, the blessing to build a life of his own? Slowly he removes his fingers from her grasp looking at her with disbelief.

"You've had your fun Liam," she says not disheartened by his actions at all, "You chased _that_ past in New York. I understand men sometimes need to this; your father did it plenty. But the time for all that is over son; you are best to forget about that Gordon woman. Romola and you can build home, she give you children, and some memories-"

"What if I don't want that?"

"Oh you do, you just seem to think it really matters who it's all built with. Let me tell you it does not. You learn to love even those who you think you did not. You learned to love that Caroline Gordon because there once was a time when you did not even know of her existence. Well you can unlearn it to, and you will, because you're not selfish."

"Mother-"

"You said I raised to be honest right? Well I also raised you to be a man honor. That Caroline Gordon isn't even divorce, you not entertain any more ideas of her ever again. I forbid it. Now leave my presence at once before you upset me even more, I can't have my last days filled with all this unnecessary discourse."

Liam slowly rises from the chair. He wants to plead with his mother, appeal to the soft spot she has always held for him. But he can see that it is no use, she is set in her ways. He has no choice but to obey, as it would be selfish to runaway as she lay dying. He thought it uncanny how a mother gives life to her child, she had given him life and loved him and feed him. He always thought such things were done unconditionally, but now he knows that they are not. She had a condition, that since she had given him life, he would now have to give his to her. He would have to sacrifice everything. His whole life had been planned out for him since the moment he was born and didn't matter what he wanted, it only mattered what she did. There was a bitter taste in his mouth and then the despair set in.

He had been in a prison all his life; it was the only thing he knew. The freedom he thought he had was only an illusion, a condition for doing all that he was told. Obedience kept the illusion while rebelling gave him a harsh reality he did not like. He could not bear to fall out of the grace of his parents, especially since he could throw it all away for nothing. It wouldn't be worth it because Carla would never be willing to fight for him like he had for her. She didn't love him as he had love her, if she did she wouldn't have kept that secret from him. The romance would always be one sided with her, and he could not endure that. Because this realization was too much to handle, and perhaps because he could not lose the illusion in which his life had been built he decided in that moment he would marry Romola and he would never look back.


	41. Chapter 41

Carla hadn't left her room in days. She had wanted to avoid Peter and evidently it turns out Peter wanted to avoid her as well. He gave her space, staying at another place of his and only came around when the doctor had to administer medicine. It was a sunny morning; Carla knew this because the sun peaked through her closed curtains relentlessly. God would not allow her to lay in the darkness. She felt destined to lay in the darkness…

She hasn't even seen her children in days; the help has kept them entertained and out of the way. It seems as though she is in this house all by herself, the children are neither seen nor heard. It makes Carla feel like crap, this is exactly how she didn't want to raise them. She didn't want to be like her father who demanded she be seen but not heard, or her mother who just shoved her off on the governess. She wanted to be more hands on, to be involved. That was why she left Tony to begin with so Giulia wouldn't have to grow up damaged and unstable like her.

Carla hears faint voices coming from down stairs and props herself up immediately calling for the servants. There is no answer and after inquiring some more, Carla decides it is time to get out of bed and check for the noise herself. Her step is disjointed and reckless, Carla has to grip the hand railings hard as she descends down the steps. The medicine the doctor has prescribed her makes her feel groggy and weak. The voices are coming from the kitchen area, someone is baking and it smells delicious. Slowly she moves the kitchen door open.

Peter is standing behind the counter kneading dough as Giulia sits on a stool on the other side mixing cake mix. Cillian is sitting on her lap playing with cookie cutters. They are talking animatedly and Carla can't help but feel shocked that Peter is still around after her confession. The scene before her is so beautiful and normal it makes her want to cry.

"Uncle Peter," says Giulia, "You have to knead the dough properly. We need to make the biscuits perfect for mummy."

"Do you think mummy will like our surprise?" adds Cillian, "I hope it will make her feel better."

Peter who has been grinning looks up now aware that the three are not alone. At first his expression is one shock and coolness as he stares at Carla. But quickly it turns to genuine warmth. "I don't know Cillian," he says smiling, "You'll just have to ask mummy herself."

Giulia and Cillian's heads immediately turn and their expressions are one of pure elation. Cillian jumps off of his sister's lap and runs to his mother's arms immediately. Carla kisses him on his rosy cheeks and forehead stroking his brown hair. He looks so much like his father.

"Mother," says Giulia stepping forward sheepishly, "I've missed you so. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes," Carla says putting Cillian down. She had a feeling the Giulia was apprehensive around her if not downright afraid. Carla would make it known that she was not mad at her daughter at all. "Come here you," she says embracing her daughter in a hug, "I've missed you too you know?"

"We would have visited," says Cillian, "But Uncle Peter said we ought not upset you. He told us to pray to gentle Jesus every night so that you'd be better."

"Did he?" whispers Carla now looking at Peter who has not left the counter side.

He has stayed back allowing her to share the moment with her family. He was always so thoughtful like that, always giving her time with her children. He continues to focus on kneading the dough.

"Yes mummy," Giulia continues, "And he told us to be good children and bake you something nice to lift your spirits. But now the surprise is ruined."

"That's all right," says Carla stroking her daughters hair from her face, "It's the thought that counts."

"Giulia," says Peter, "Why don't you and Cillian go and get that card we made for your mother. I think I left it upstairs."

"Alright," says Giulia gingerly and holding out her hand beckons her brother, "Come on _Cilly you're so silly_, we have to go get mummy's card."

They leave the kitchen in a ruckus and only Peter and Carla are left. He continues kneading and shaping the dough trying not to look at her. The silence is deafening, Carla wishes he would say something to her, anything at all. She couldn't bear him hating her as well.

Finally he says, "You're feeling better, I hope?"

"Yes, a bit," Carla lies. The truth was she still felt weak from the medicine and like utter crap for confessing her affair with Liam. She wanted to make him understand her reasons behind what had transpired, "Look Peter, about Liam-"

"What about him?" Peter says now pounding the dough with his knuckles.

"It wasn't-," she lets out a big sigh, "It wasn't intentional."

Peter raises his eyebrow, stealing a quick side way glance before turning his attention back to the dough, "Surely even you must know that that isn't true."

Carla feels frustrated. Why can't he just look at her? Why can't she just wash away all the pain she has caused him.

"I didn't think it would happen Peter honest."

"Let me guess," he says, "It was him who called to meet you at the gallery, under the guise of Nicholas Dorscher. I'm I correct?"

"Yes," Carla stampers, "But—"

"Interesting. So I assume you just stayed with him after that meeting for the whole night-made love?"

"Yes Peter," Carla whispers. She didn't want him to torture himself; she will not divulge any details.

"Well does he know about Cillian?"

"No," Carla lies immediately regretting it. Peter deserved her honesty but she couldn't bring herself to tell him at the moment.

"Probably for the best," Peter says pointedly, "He never seemed like much of the fathering type from what I knew of him in the circles back in London. He lives in his fantasy world, best you not disrupt it."

"You don't know him like I do?" Carla says rather hurt.

Her tone annoys Peter to know end, "Believe me Carla I know more about the Connor brothers then you do. My half sister Tracy used to get on pretty well with the cousin Phillipa back in the day. I never hung around their crowd, but it is common knowledge that Liam Connor has always been a player. He is used to using his looks to get any woman he wants. He has always been a bit of a ladies man."

"That was a long time ago."

"I suppose you mean before he met you? Fat chance Carla, although I suppose it is nice to think that perhaps you inspired something different in him but the results are all the same. Obviously you feel the same way, or you would have told him about Cillian."

"That isn't the reason at all," snaps Carla.

"Well in any case I really don't want to talk about it anymore. What's done is done."

"Peter please lets talk. Let me apologize for hurting your feelings."

"The only thing I am going to say on the matter is this, "Peter says looking up at her sternly, "If I ever see him in passing again I'll have the mind to deck in the face. He doesn't deserve you Carla, he probably couldn't give two tosses what your life has been like for the past five years. He thinks he can just show up in New York work his charms, seduce you and be done with it? He has got another thing coming. Mind you I may have the opportunity to deck him much sooner."

"What?" says Carla

"I am going back to London Carla," Peter says abruptly.

Carla is at a loss for words, "W-what? Why? Because of me, because of what I've done?"

"I'd be lying if I said you didn't dig a knife straight through my heart Carla. I'd be foolish to say that we could just go back to the way things were. I wish that you had never let me pursue you romantically, that we kept it platonic. I mean it is obvious your heart belongs to one man and one man alone."

"Peter," says Carla on the verge of tears, "Please don't leave me, please-"

"It's my son Simon Carla. His mother tells me he has fallen ill, so ill he had to come home from boarding school I think the doctors said he caught a chill swimming out in the lake. Hell my parents are frightened it may even be polio. I have to see him Carla, I haven't seen him in such a long time."

Carla collapses into the cook's chair. She is exhausted and overwhelmed. She needed Peter to protect her from Alasdair and Antony; even more she needed his protection against herself. He kept things normal and the children adored him, she adored him.

"The news just got me thinking Carla. I have neglected my duty as a father for so long being a bootlegger and all that business. That's the reason why his mum kept me away to begin with. I'd always send my money once a month and more at Christmas and birthdays. But money isn't enough; if I lose my son I will regret not making an effort to change things around for the rest of my life. I leave in two days."

"Oh Peter," says Carla flinging herself into his arms and collapsing in sobs, "Please don't go. I'm gonna need you."

Peter is now fighting back tears and grips her in a tight bear hug. Carla feels so safe and protected in his hugs that the thought of losing him is unbearable. He was her greatest friend, a friend like no other and she had underappreciated him.

"Well I'm gonna need you more," he says stroking her hair, "But I have to Carla, I have to go and you know it."

"I won't survive without you," whimpers Carla, "I won't be able to cope."

"You need to give yourself more credit Carla. You're not some weak little girl sitting in her flower room looking pretty for the entire world to see. You've never been that, you've always wanted more. You are a survivor don't ever say you're not. You escaped Antony and you escaped your father. If they can see you now, oh boy they would be floored. You're self sufficient, life hands you a basket of rotten eggs and you hand them back at times and you say what?"

"Fuck it."

"Exactly. And if life hands you more then you can chew at the moment what's your outlook?"

"Everything is beautiful."

"Right you are darling. You got two kids to get through this messed up game we call life, so no more pity parties. You know you're strong and I know it to. Everything is beautiful, you're beautiful and it's a beauty that comes from within. Now do me favor and help me with this baking. I want to make the most of the time I have left with you, Giulia and Cillian."

Carla tries her best to feel cheerful and as strong as Peter says she is. She wipes away her tears, just as Giulia and Cillian come back jumping around with her card. He was right, it wasn't just about her anymore, and she had two kids to be strong for, to be selfless for. It was time to be a survivor. She had always strived for a life that was her own, but the life she wanted and the man she wanted were not possible. It was time to give her children the life she had always dreamed of. It was time to say goodbye to an old friend.


	42. Chapter 42

They had settled on a decision that would please everyone involved. Since Romola's parents still wanted the big wedding, they would have it as originally planned for next April. However since his mother was unlikely to live to the end of the month and desperately wanted to see her son married, they would hold a small ceremony the following day in her honor. Liam and Romola would be legally married just without the pomp and circumstance.

Liam got ready for the dinner party being held by his brother and good friend Samuel Wellington. He made sure he was clean-shaven and combed his hair to perfection. His shoes were shined and the servants had lain out his suit perfectly pressed on his bed. He was just fixing his tie in the mirror focusing in on the hollow emptiness that was his eyes, he told himself to snap out of it. This was his fate and there was no use fighting it. There was a light knock on the door.

"Come in," Liam says turning to greet the visitor. It is his cousin Phillipa; he looks at her apprehensively before turning back to the mirror and reaching for a bottle of cologne. He begins dabbing it on.

"Easy there cousin," says a bubbly Phillipa, "You don't want to drown in it or drown the guests for that matter. Our Paul gets headaches from people wearing too much of it."

"Good," says Liam because honestly it gave him joy now to cause his brother discomfort, "And perhaps I do."

"Perhaps you do what?"

"Perhaps I do want to drown in it."

Phillipa lets out a big sigh placing a hand on each of her hips before turning around abruptly and closing the door. Then turning back to him, she rushes over and begins to fuss over his bow tie.

"We will have none of that tonight."

"Oh since when did you start ordering me around? Are you taking over from Paul?"

"Oh Liam," exclaims Phillipa on the verge of tears, "I hate it when you're angry with me. I had nothing to do with any of it and I swear on my life I knew nothing about what Michelle and Paul were planning."

"Bull," says Liam removing her hands which had been resting on his shoulders, "Michelle tells you everything."

"Well she didn't tell me this. She knows I can't keep secrets from you. I never have, why would I start now?"

Liam was standing his ground and continued to glare at her. Her blue eyes did not falter under his gaze. She was tough when she needed to be.

"Look you don't believe me? I swear on grandmother Caroline's grave, I didn't know."

"Fine," responds Liam. He is just tired of wasting his energy being crossed with her, "I believe you."

"Oh Liam! Thank you, thank you!" she leaps into his arms and they share a tender embrace.

Liam needs someone on his side right now. He checks his pocket watch; the dinner party would be starting soon. He heads towards the door but Phillipa grabs his elbow.

"Now wait a minute," she says steering Liam around to face her, "Are you sure this is what you want to do? A few days ago you were declaring you wouldn't marry her, what changed your mind?"

"Do you really need to ask that Phillipa? You know how these things go."

"True," she says, I do remember neither Paul or Margaret seemed particularly fond of marrying one another."

"Well they don't have anything in common," says Liam becoming a little irritated, although he had no idea why. Perhaps it was because he hated the mere mention of his idiot brothers name.

"You know she locked herself in her bathroom the night before the wedding. Practically barricaded herself in there, that her mother ordered the gardeners boy to kick down the door. Poor Margaret, she was a sight for sore eyes. They found her with a razor in hand and as drunk as a sailor."

"Well the thought of Paul will do that to anyone," says Liam mustering a faint smile, "Imaging having to marry him. Poor Margaret indeed, she gets nothing but disrespect from mother and Paul. Even I have been mean to her, but she always just takes it…what a life it must be for her."

"No better or worse than any other woman of her status. It's all about family obligation, doesn't matter if you're miserable as long as your parents are happy. But I always thought you and I would be different Liam, I always thought we were the free spirits."

"Oh yes, I remember, we always used to say that we'd live fast and die hard.

"What happened to us?"

"We grew up, stuff happened…"

"What sort of stuff Liam?" she says now gripping his hands and looking into his face earnestly, "What sort of stuff happened to you?"

He considers maybe telling her all about the child he is supposed to have out there somewhere in the world and how heavily its existence weighs down his heart. How when he fell in love for the first time he fell hard, and hurt hard. He was still hurting; he'd always be hurting. But there wasn't any point anymore because he had made up his mind, he would marry Romola. But he made a vow that if he must kill apart of his soul for the sake of his mothers peace, he would regain it somehow. He find his son one day, he would regain that unconditional feeling of love.

"Never mind," he says waving off her questions nonchalantly, "Shall we go to the dinner party at hand?" He held out his arm for her to link and they walked out into the hall. It hadn't really hit Liam until now, but this was the last day of his old life. Tomorrow he would be married; tomorrow Carla would just be some story, some girl he would never tell his children about.

The servants had set up a white tent in the backyard. It was a warm night and the candles were lit, Romola rushed to him as soon as he made his appearance. The whole table erupted into applause. Once seated Romola gently brushed his cheek with her nose, a gesture that made the whole table erupt into frenzy.

Liam does not feel the loving affection that one should feel for a person they are supposed to love. He feels his mothers stare penetrating him and recalls the day he had met Romola on the train. He had returned her smiles knowing that he would never deliver all that they implied, and he did the same tonight. Liam gives her one of his dangerously seductive looks and watches as she crumbles under his gaze. Women were so easy to get to at times, he knew Romola inside and out and she bored him immensely.

"They are so very beautiful," says Elena turning to Michelle, "Are they not beautiful?"

"Oh yes," beams Michelle.

"_Careful now Michelle" Liam thinks, "Or I may just have to glare at you."_

"I would like to propose a toast," says a tipsy Fiona Stape. She rises from her chair exerting all her weight on the table that it causes the cutlery to shake.

"Now Fiona," shouts an equally tipsy Tom, "Are you sure you want to do that? We all know your toasts are made up of some of the most uninspired drivel in the world. Listening to them at my own wedding was hell."

"Thomas Dean!" exclaims Michelle, "Hush now."

If it was any other event Liam would have been offended. This was no way to act in front of his parents. But tonight he couldn't care if everyone was on his or her worst behavior. His mother had to deal with the harsh reality that not everything could be perfect like she wished.

Fiona used her free hand to grip the table while in the other she held her champagne flute. Her husband John who rarely ever came out; look on apprehensively. His expression was one of mortification, but nonetheless he helps keep his wife steady.

"I would just like to say Romola you darling, you've done well. He is absolutely stunning, I wish John was half as good looking."

"Well thank you Fiona," says a bemused and embarrassed Romola.

"I'm not done! I also wanted to say these oysters are amazing. Who bought them?"

"Antony did," pips up Paul shooting Liam a smirk before continuing, "I invited him but sadly he was unable to attend. He sent his condolences instead with these lovely oysters."

"Well then," says Fiona now beginning to slur, "They're amazing, bloody freaking amazing."

"Now that's enough," says Liam's father Fionnbharth, "Your father raised you better then that Mrs. Stape. John can't you get a handle on your wife?"

"I'm trying," says John he is trying to make Fiona sit back down but it is no use she tumbles to the ground in fits of laughter.

"Oh my Mary, Jesus, and Joseph," snaps Fionnbharth, "Absolute disgrace!"

"Now don't you dare take the lords name in vain," retorts Liam's mother.

"Oh hell," says Samuel Wellington, "Have the servants take her out of here. SERVANTS-"

There was a lot more commotion that followed and Liam did his best to calm Romola. Once the servants removed Fiona and her husband John went to attend to her things settled back to normal.

"Don't ever let me get like that," whispers Romola.

"I won't. I promise."

"So Paul," inquires Romola's father Alexander, "What was Antony Gordon's reason for not being in attendance tonight? Was it business as usual? I know his father Alasdair to be a very serious man."

"Oh no sir," says Paul relishing the attention. He had always adored the sound of his own voice, "It's something rather personal. I'd think it impolite for me to discuss."

"Well then why mention it at all?" snaps Romola's mother Elizabeth; "You might as well not have mentioned him this evening if you didn't want him to be a point of discussion."

"Calm yourself darling," says Alexander and then turning back to Paul says, "I've heard rumors about the stress to do with that estranged wife of his. What's her name again…Catherine?"

"Carla," says Liam automatically. He sees his brother give him a stern warning look. He feels his neck getting hot.

"Caroline I believe is her real name," says his mother Elleaónra, "Only God knows why she would go by such an atrocious nick name."

"Oh never you mind," snaps Fionnbharth turning his attention back to Paul and Alexander, "What's the latest then?"

"Well," says Paul, "Apparently she upped and went to America five years ago taking their daughter and everything."

"She has no right!" exclaims Elizabeth, "What is wrong with women today? Have they no honor, no self respect?"

"Oh I know absolutely dreadful Lady Dorscher. But that's not all; he hadn't heard a peep from her in five years. For all he knew she was as good as dead. But it turns out she is alive. Not a word in five years and then one day Alasdair Gordon gets the letter bought in with his morning breakfast on a tray."

"Oh heavens," says Elena.

The whole table is holding onto Paul's every word even Liam in spite of himself.

"What was in the letter?" asks Margaret Wellington

"Birthday greetings from his granddaughter Giulia."

Elizabeth looks thoroughly unimpressed and folds her arms over her chest shooting her daughter Elena an exasperated look. Paul seems to notice he is losing his coveted audience because he adds,

"…And also from a grandson, he didn't even know he had."

CLANK

Liam looked down at his plate he had just dropped his fork and he was visibly shaken. A son? Did Paul just say a son?

Paul shot him another scathing look before continuing, "Apparently Antony's son is named Cillian. To say the news has him in shock would be an understatement. But Alasdair put his foot down and demanded Antony file for divorce, he's been wishing that wife of his back for way too long."

"Horrible," says Elena, "That's unforgivable to keep the existence of a child secret from their father. She better not show her face in these parts again, her life in society is truly over."

"You say that like it's the only life there is, like it's the only life worth living," Liam speaks up. His tone is icily and he is in shock. Was the boy truly Antony's or was there a possibility it might be his?

Elena looks at him like he is crazy, "It is. It is the only life worth living."

"It's such a shame," interjects Romola oblivious to his sisters warped worldview, "She was so beautiful, the time I saw her at the ball."

"Well she isn't Romola. She lacks the beauty from within, the virtues of a true lady. I knew the moment I met her at hunting-"

Liam couldn't take it anymore. He had to excuse himself; he had to get away from all of this. If this was what his life was going to be, he could not endure it, he would not endure it.

"Excuse me," he says quietly, "I've lost my appetite."

"Liam," says Romola, "Where are you going?"

Liam ignores her and walks away in the direction of the house. He hears the pattering of feet behind him and turns to see Romola catching up to him. She is out of breath and the way the moon shines on her illuminating her makes her very beautiful.

"Wherever you're going, I'm going to," she says as though her loyalty is all very self-explanatory.

Liam cannot help but pity her. He has to be honest with her about how he feels, about Carla, about everything. The fact is that she simply adores him too much and all the adoration is something he does not deserve. He had to be honest, because the life of honest man counted more then one who lived there life deceiving to appease others those who lied to hurt.

_All the adoration in the world can't fill the spot where love goes._

That was a common expression he had always lived by. But if he wasn't honest with Romola he would lose her adoration, and if she couldn't love him after what he revealed, Liam would understand. But to lose her adoration and general warmth would be too much, with his family he felt no such feelings anymore. It was like he was destined to lay in the darkness with a torture heart for all that he had done. He wanted more and he wanted better, to be better.

"Romola I have to tell you something," Liam whispers.

And he begins to tell her everything because the truth is the only thing that matters, it is the only thing that truly lasts.


	43. Chapter 43

Carla wasn't going to sit around and just wait for Antony and his father Alasdair to find her and the children. The realization that Peter was leaving snapped her into action. She was going to leave New York City; she was going to live out in the country. At first she had considered staying and living in Greenwich Village as it is a safe haven for many of the artistic and intellectual peoples in the city. But then she thought of how Giulia did not much like the city and rather seemed to miss the country life of England. So Carla decided she would try and replicate the feelings and ideals of the country home as best she could, with an American twist of course. She was moving her children to the Hamptons.

She had already hired a new person to oversee her business aspects as Peter now had left. Tilda her courier just sulked away at being slighted but Carla didn't have the time to be bothered with Tilda's feelings on her business decisions at the moment. She had an apartment to pack up. She just came back from seeing Peter off. Giulia, Cillian and her had all gone to port to wave the ship off and say their goodbyes. It had been a very bittersweet moment. Carla's eyes welled with tears as she watched Giulia hand Peter a Rosary she had had blessed for his son Simon. The tears overflowed however when Cillian broke down and wouldn't let go of Peter's leg. Peter was especially shook up by this gesture. Carla could tell that leaving was very difficult for him, but something he had to do. He promised to write Cillian every month and send him loads of toys and postcards from England. This calmed her sweet son down and he smiled so wonderfully. He was a true angel and Carla was lucky for it.

When it came her time to say goodbye, Carla wanted to jump into his arms and never let go. But she remembers his words, how she must be strong. She was thankful for his forgiveness; his forgiveness for her indiscretions with Liam was eye opening. He truly was a remarkable and unique man, he could forgive her anything because he knew she needed it to flourish. Carla would miss his presence, but it was time for her to be strong. He was right when he said she now had to be strong in as many ways possible for the sake of her children. They just came through the door when the housekeeper steps forward greeting Carla and taking the children's coats.

"Giulia go and wash up and then come back down. I will have to cook get you something to eat. And you to Cillian." Carla turns back to her housekeeper giving her full attention, "What is it?"

"Your first appointment is waiting in the sitting room miss."

"What do you mean?" asks Carla quite confused.

"The nanny position Ms. Barlow. You asked me to be discreet and arrange a few meetings for potential nannies that could accompany you on the move to the Hamptons."

Carla finally remembers she did ask her housekeeper to do just that. She figured that in her moving to the Hamptons it would be better for Giulia and Cillian to have in house care much like how it was at the Palace. Carla herself had been practically raised by a governess and although she didn't particularly want all of that old life for her children, she wanted Giulia to at least feel comfortable.

"Oh yes," says Carla, "Yes of course. I remember now."

The housekeeper reaches for a folder left on a nearby light stand and passes it to Carla, "She has fine credentials this one. She went abroad for some years trained at a fine establishment in Switzerland. She plays tennis, was an top swimmer, and trained ballet. Also she knows the piano and loves to play Chopin."

"How is she with children?" says Carla as they move along the halls towards the sitting room.

"Apparently excellent. Her instructor from Switzerland sent references."

"Is this her first job?"

"I think her first serious. You see she took some time off to rest, she was just telling me about how ever since she returned to New York a year ago she has been going to countless weddings-"

Carla waves her hand indicating her housekeeper can leave. But the housekeeper has one last thing.

"You can be confident that you will have her absolute confidence and discretion Ms. Barlow. She understands who you are as a famous painter and will not blab to anyone about any personal details of your life."

"That's reassuring," says Carla finally arriving at the door to the sitting room, "Thank you."

The housekeeper turns away and Carla opens the two big doors to the sitting room. At first her eyes just take everything in, not really noticing the young lady sitting on the chaise lounge. When their eyes do meet Carla recognizes her instantly, and the lady recognized her as well.

"Oh my goodness," the lady says raising from the couch, "The world is smaller then we think. I didn't imagine I'd be meeting you so soon again." She gets up flouncing over to a temporarily frozen Carla.

Carla feels like a gaping idiot and quickly composes herself in the fashion her mother taught her as a child. She flashes the lady an elegant smile and embraces her, kissing her on both cheeks, "Hello Sophie," she says demurely, "I never thought I'd see you again either."

"I know," says Sophie once they part she is smiling warmly, "Michel and I always tell our friends about you and your lovely husband. Even Lila and Aaron cannot resist talking about the lovely couple that stole some the spot light at their wedding."

"I'm terribly sorry for it," says Carla. It is not so much an apology but a statement to how she feels about the day's events. It pains her to think about Liam, and how wonderful that whole day had been. How she had actually thought she could change and how she hurt him horribly. However Sophie does not know that.

"Whatever for?" says Sophie, "Aaron and Lila are certainly happy for it. They tell me all the time they hope to always look at each other the way you and your husband did. Especially when you were on the chairs and he took your hand and kissed it."

"I thought the exact same thing for them," says Carla and then gesturing to the chaise lounge said, "Shall we?" She didn't want to talk about the wedding anymore.

"Oh of course. Look at me rambling on like a silly idiot."

They sit and Carla offers her a cup of tea pouring it graciously and handing it to her. Then she does the same for herself.

"How is your brother Michel?" asks Carla after a few sips of tea.

"He's well. He's in Egypt right now actually. He is studying to be an archeologist and working under a Ludwig something or the other. I don't know all that much about it all really; But Michel says it is a big deal because the Ludwig man found some Egyptian Queen's bust a many years back, I think it was 1912. All that matters though is that he is enjoying himself. He left shortly after the wedding actually."

"Well that's wonderful," says Carla taking another sip of tea. She was examining Sophie carefully her eyes kept shifting to in the direction of the door as though she was expecting someone else. It was starting to get distracting, "Are you expecting someone?" says Carla in a joking tone.

"Well Carla, I was told I'd be meeting with thee D. Matheson Barlow today. I wasn't aware that she would be sending an assistant. You are the assistant aren't you?"

Carla sets her teacup down on the table. Sophie was absolutely adorable that she couldn't help but laugh. Carla was not dressed like any assistant that's for sure.

"What?"

"Nothing except that I am the Dacia Matheson Barlow," says Carla grinning at her.

Sophie's eyes go completely wide and her mouth opens wide taking it all in, "Oh goodness gracious! Oh my god-this is -wow-well I love your work! Oh my god I met Dacia Matheson Barlow at a wedding and I didn't even know it."

"Hello," says Carla rather timidly. She is giving Sophie the time to gather her train of thought.

"Hello," says Sophie in a rather angelic voice, "Hello indeed. Joshua is going to be ecstatic when he hears this. He used your article from _The Times_ as inspiration for his best man speech, you know? He will be floored to learn he clanked champagne glasses with you all evening and was none the wiser."

"I remember," says Carla.

"Oh gosh I suppose you better interview me now. I hope I haven't ruined my chances. I hope to see your husband soon as well."

Carla bit her tongue she was debating whether to tell her that Liam wasn't her husband there and now. The thing is she is warming up to her rather quickly and doesn't even think she will bother with other interviews. She got the run around by her housekeeper already concerning credentials and Sophie's behavior at the wedding towards Carla and Liam showed that she was a warm person.

"I don't think well bother with any interviews," Carla tells her, "You're hired just because you are exactly the sort of warmth my children need. All I need to know is if you have anything holding you back here that would prevent you from living full time in the Hampton's?"

"If by anything you men, then I can assure you Ms. Barlow I do not. I left all those problems in Europe thank you very much, and I'm glad for it to."

Carla gives her a small smile. Her personality reminds her so much of her dear friend in England Maria Sutherland, " Okay and as for pay-"

"Pay me as you please according to my merits and not because I will be your dearest of friends one day Ms. Barlow."

"Alright, and you don't have to call me Ms. Barlow at least when it is just the two of us."

"What should I call you instead? Is that not your husbands last name?"

"It isn't actually. I'll explain in due time. But for now you can call me Carla or Miss. Donovan, my maiden name."

"Okay," she says, "What about the children what can you tell me about them?"

"You beat me to the punch Sophie. I have much to tell you about my children and about myself, so I just want to make sure you are in it for the long haul."

"I am. I promise."

"Alright then," says Carla folding her hands in her lap, "First things first. The man you saw me with at the wedding…well we were never married. But we were in love, but he's gone now and that's all I can say about him at the moment, because it's all very confusing and painful to be honest. Secondly I have two children. My first-born is Giulia, she is thirteen years old and very sweet but willful. This can be a problem when it comes to dedicating time towards studies."

"I can handle her Ms. Bar—I mean Miss. Donovan."

"I hope so," says Carla before moving onto her second child, "Cillian is my second child. He is five years of age and very very well behaved. He always is very thoughtful and eager to learn. You'll have no problems with him that I can foresee at the moment."

"Excellent."

"Although," says Carla thoughtfully, "There is something that you should know about Cillian and it has a lot to do with the first thing I mentioned."

"Alright," says Giulia leaning in closer to indicate Carla has her full attention.

Carla doesn't know why she spilling all of this out now. But in her mind it was better to be honest. After all she expected her staff's honesty, so why not return it? Sophie would find out sooner or later so it was just best to lay it all out on the table. She wouldn't jeopardize another relationship with secrets and lies. She had blown it with the only relationship that she truly wanted, the one she could have had with Liam.

Taking a deep breath she says, "My children have different fathers-," slowly she starts to tell Sophie everything.

There was no looking back now. Revealing the truth could only make her stronger, at least she hoped this was the case.


	44. Chapter 44

"Please try and help us to understand," says Fionnbharth. He is smoking a cigar and observing a crying Romola and rather despondent Liam, "You keep on saying we don't understand. Well we never will if you don't try explain why all of this is happening."

Liam and Romola had just broken the news that the marriage was off. It was the morning of the chapel ceremony his mother had so desperately wanted. The previous night Liam had confessed all he could to Romola about the nature of his feelings for Carla Gordon. They had agreed not to say anything and to go back to the dinner party for the sake of appearances. Romola was adamant that she did not want to ruin everyone else's evening.

Liam had been surprised by her non-reaction towards his confession. She told him flat out that that was what all men did; at least in their world so why should she think he'd be any different. In a matter of fact tone she insisted at first that the wedding should go ahead as planned if he could see himself learning to love her in the future. He replied that he could not. Perhaps being left to stew with this honest response for the remainder of the night was what gave way to the bitter crying hysterical women that now sat next to him at the moment. He knew she couldn't have been as indifferent to everything as she claimed because no one could.

They sat in two chairs in the center of his father's sitting room. Romola's parents stood in front of them while Liam's father proceeded to pour himself a brandy. Liam's mother had not yet joined them.

"The engagement is off," repeats Liam his voice now becoming steadier. He had to stand his ground, assert his right to make his own choices.

"Oh I heard that much," says Fionnbharth now glaring at his son and taking a swig of brandy, "But now you are going to explain to us why."

"There will be no explaining!" shouts Romola's mother all of the sudden. She is alternating between shooting Liam venomous stares and hissing at her daughter, "I will not have this utter display of disobedience." She begins to circle their chairs, "You shall marry. The Viscount has already said he is coming."

"Control yourself Elizabeth," says Romola's father Alexander, "We can't make a show of this. We need answers."

"There will be no answers!" shouts Elizabeth now stopping and grabbing hold of her daughter's shoulders, "I have sacrificed everything for you girl! And this is how you repay me? Why if I had disobey my father and shamed the family in the way you are doing now, he would not spare the rod!"

Liam was so disgusted. Romola just sat there in tears and he couldn't have her enduring her mother's wrath any longer, "It isn't her fault. The fault is all mine Mrs. Dorscher. She hasn't done anything wrong. Remove your hands from her please."

"You dare to tell me how I will talk to my daughter," she says glaring at Liam, "I will not endure such insults."

"You must endure Elizabeth," says Alexander rather calmly, "Because at the moment we need answers. Tell us why?" He is now looking at Liam.

"I have had many indiscretions."

"What sort of indiscretions?" says his father his blue eyes still ice cold.

Liam took a big gulp. There is a lump forming in his throat. Confessing to Romola had been painful enough, but now his father wished for him to confess to them all like he was being brought forth in front of a jury; With Elizabeth hanging on at the sidelines like a waiting executioner he had no fair chance.

"Answer me Liam."

"Answer what?" says Eileanóra. She is being escorted into the room by Paul and looks rather weak and frail.

No one answers her; in fact Fionnbharth makes it a point to ignore his wife. He will not have anyone ruin his progress, "Liam Barrington Connor you will answer me now!"

But it is Romola who answers; She takes time out from her hysterical crying and glares at Liam, "What Liam?" Don't you want everyone to hear you have a whore?"

There is a big gasp and in unison both Elizabeth and Eileanora falter as though they will faint. Alexander rushes to steady his wife as Paul does the same for his mother. Liam feels the embarrassment rushing over him, the shame, and anger. But what did he expect of course Romola would be angry, he just didn't expect to hear such hatred in her voice. He expected that at least she'd still care for him enough not to humiliate him. His mothers face is a mixture of many emotions as well quickly she closes her eyes.

"Mother," says Paul helping her across the room, Mother, are you okay?"

Finally her eyes flash open and her stare is dangerous. She violently smacks Paul's hands away glaring at Romola and Liam, "What is the meaning of this-this outburst of such great impropriety?"

"The wedding is off," says Alexander.

"Oh," whispers Eileanora, "Is it now?"

"They'd like to make us think as such," chimes in Elizabeth.

"Liam please explain why Romola would say such a thing?"

Liam was so angry for the first time ever he wanted to hit his own mother. He felt ashamed that the thought even entered his mind, but the pain she has caused him is too great. He feels a need to let her know he no longer feels any warmth towards her.

"Oh mother," he says cruelly, "Don't play the fool. You'll lose the game."

Elizabeth gave out another one of her dramatic gasps. She was the master at being offended, "Such insolence-such disrespect for the mother that bore you! You have no shame!"

Eileanora ignored her outrage and stared at her son taking his words in, "I don't understand what you mean Liam."

"You know all about my feelings for Carla Gordon mother. You know exactly whom Romola was talking about when she called her a whore. I mean you called her that yourself, although much more subtly when you likened her the Belgian Kings mistress Caroline Lacroix."

"What?" says Fionnbharth this is all news to him. He is the only one in the family that does not know about Liam's relationship with Carla, "Are you speaking of Antony Gordon's estranged wife, Caroline?"

"Is there any other?" snaps Liam's mother.

"Yes," says Liam boldly. He knows his father will be ashamed but he wants to get the whole truth out. And if Romola was so hell bent on his humiliation he would make sure to take his whole family down with him. He would not be the reason for their tarnished reputation. He would reveal his mother and brothers knowledge of his affair.

"How would your mother know anything about your feelings for Caroline Gordon? I never even knew such feelings existed."

"Liam talks nonsense," says Eileanora, "I will not hear it."

"You will not hear it?" Liam now rises from his chair, "Fine by me but father will."

"Someone tell me what is going on," says Alexander.

"Father Liam had an affair with that Caroline Gordon women!" shouts Romola.

"WHAT!" screams Alexander and then turning to Elizabeth says, "That crazy daughter of Mark Donovan. The insult-"

"You what?" says Liam's father quietly ignoring the Dorscher family's big blow up.

"I had an affair with Carla Gordon," Liam says.

Before he can continue though his father says, "Our business partners wife? You put your hands on another man's wife? OUR TRUSTED BUSINESS PARTNERS WIFE!" He hurls the class of brandy he has been holding at the fireplace and it smashes into pieces.

"Barry darling," says his Eileanora rushing towards her husband. Barry was her pet name for him, "Calm down—"

"Calm down you say? You want me to calm down? I just learnt my son tarnishes my family name and business and you want me to calm down?"

"Father," says Paul.

Liam had forgotten he was still in the room.

"Father you have every right to be angry. He disrespects the hard work of our family, a business that has been in our family for ages. He disrespects our titles—"

"Oh shut up Paul! You knew all about it."

"What?' says Paul trying to play stupid, " I knew nothing about it. I have only just learnt of this horrible horrible thing you have done."

"Oh yes you knew," says Liam and then turning back to his father says, "He knew all about my feelings for her before I ever acted on them and he never said a word to you father. He is your oldest son and he didn't say a word, but he did go to mother."

"What is this I hear? Eileanora is this true?"

"Barry-"

"Yes father," answers Liam. Paul told mother all about Carla when I went to New York."

"Paul?" says Fionnbharth, "Paul is this true? You and your mother knew about this and didn't tell me."

Paul is at a loss for words but quickly regaining himself shoots Liam and angry look, "Funny you should mention New York brother. Tell me how much business did you accomplish on that trip again?"

Liam rushes towards his brother ready to punch him out.

"What Liam? Cat got your tongue? Your business ventures in New york were quite amusing were they not?"

Liam swings for Paul's nose but misses. By now Romola's father is ushering his daughter away from the combat. His wife Elizabeth has taken a seat crossing her arms indicating that she is not impressed. Eileanora holds on to a nearby chair for support.

"Going to have to try harder then that Liam," Paul mocks and continues on talking, "Father you'll be happy to hear your son picked up some coveted paintings while he was in New York."

"What do I care about some bloody paintings Paul?"

"Oh trust me father, you'll care to hear all about these ones. You see father they are by a very coveted up and coming artist in America. What is her name Liam?"

Liam tries to swing at his brother again, "Shut up Paul!"

"Well obviously my brother here will be of no help today."

"The painter is D. Matheson Barlow," says Romola, "What's any of this got to do with the fact that my heart is broken!" She collapses into her father's arms crying once more. Her father does not know what to do with her and looks uncomfortable.

"Trust me a great deal. Father I'm sorry I lied earlier claiming to know nothing of the affair but the fact is that I did. I only kept it a secret because I pitied my brother and thought it a silly little faze. Once I realized it wasn't, it was far too late."

"Just tell me what this painter has if anything at all to do with my son's affair."

"She has a everything to do with the affair. Because D. Matheson Barlow is in fact Caroline Gordon."

There was another gasp from both Romola and her mother.

"You gave me one of her paintings as a wedding gift!"

Liam couldn't handle this anymore. Ignoring Romola he gives his brother a look of disgust, "Are you happy now Paul? You had your story time and done your damage."

'The damage is all on you brother. You're the one who covets another man's wife."

"She is still his wife isn't she?" whispers their father. He seems to be talking more to himself then anyone else in the room.

"Father," says Liam trying to establish grounds on which to base an apology for his behavior. Although he will not apologize for loving Carla has he did, "Father-."

But Fionnbharth waves his hand to cut him off. Still talking aloud to himself he says, "She is still his wife, and he hasn't seen her or their daughter in five years. When giving such a valuable piece of information, one does not just stand by and say nothing. Especially for a man who has been an excellent business partner for five years."

"Father?" says Paul now just as perplexed as Liam is by their father's ramblings.

Every watches as Fionnbharth makes his way over to the telephone. Picking it up he starts to dial.

"Fionnbharth what are you doing?" says Eileanora.

He waves her off with his hand.

But Liam's mind is turning. It is apparent from his talk of loyalty that his father is calling Antony Gordon. Panic overcomes Liam as he instantly thinks of Carla and fears for her safety. He moves forward to stop his father to pull the phone from his hand.

"Father please don't do this. Don't call him. If you're mad at me take it out on me. But don't bring her into this, she doesn't deserve to suffer."

"She doesn't deserve to suffer?" Fionnbharth stares at his son as though he can hardly believe his ears, "She doesn't? What about Antony? What do you suppose the past five years have been like trying to find her and see his child?"

"He was horrible to her!"

"Oh and I am sure you know all about their marriage now, do you? Would she regale you in stories of his cruelty during pillow talk? The fact remains she had no right to take his child from him. No man could forgive any woman such selfishness. She has denied him what is rightfully his!"

"_I had your son and I gave him away…"_

Liam thinks of his own situation with Carla and how she gave away their son. He had proclaimed that he would never forgive her, but just because he couldn't forgive her it didn't change the fact that he still loved her and wanted to keep her safe from Antony. He pressed down on the receiver preventing the call.

"What in heavens name do you think you are doing?" Fionnbharth snaps.

"Father if you do this, if you call him and tell him where she is I will never forgive you."

Father against son, they stand like they are alone in the room. Liam sees his fathers eyes soften as though he is considering his options, but just as quickly as he seemed to see reason, his eyes go cold.

"You are in no position to say such things to me."

Liam feels the tears coming as his voice breaks with emotion, "So what? You will punish me for not being able to endure the love of one woman, whilst the love I have endured for another for five years has been anything but happy. Have I not suffered enough?"

"Endure you say?" Fionnbharth glares at his son. His look is one of pure shame and disgrace.

He stares at Liam for a moment and then raising his hand smacks him across the face with such force that the whole room jumps. Liam is astounded and surprised. His rosy cheeks are made even more so as it burns into his skin.

"I have a mind to make you endure son. It shall be endured, for I see now that I have let you go astray. But no more!"

"You can't tell me what to do father. You can't tell me who to love and not love. Not you or mother, not like you did with Paul. I see how unhappy he is with Margaret and she with him; I will not debase myself to such levels just to make you happy. And I won't have you try to lock Carla back into her cage. She got away, let her be."

"Liam," pleads his mother now, "Listen to your father. He has made his choice. Caroline Gordon should return to her husband, it is her duty as a wife."

Liam ignores her and keeping eye contact with his father says, "If you tell Antony where he is, you can say goodbye to me forever."

"I won't only tell him Liam. I will send him the cards of England's best detectives to help him drag her back where she belongs. She is his wife by law, any man honor would see that she takes her rightful place at his side until death. She made a vow in front of God and it is up to Antony to decide how she should be punished for such indiscretions committed with you."

"So that's your final decision then? You choose Antony over your son. Honor over your son?"

"I choose family honor over one son who decides to debase our family name and drag it through the mud."

Liam cannot believe his ears. He feels disgust, the realization that the man he has admired all his life was no different then his mother. Liam thought that if anyone would have seen reason it would have been his father. He stares around the room, taking in the figures around it. He sees Romola being comforted by her virtually no one anymore as her mother pulls out her stitchery disinterested in the whole ordeal while her father pours himself a drink. He sees his smug brother staring around adoring all the fine tapestries as he lights a cigar. He seems impassive and bored of the whole thing also. He sees his mother gripping the desk, she looks old and weak but more then anything she looks pathetic, a symbol of the past. Is this what he had been content with his whole life?

Romola's parents couldn't even care to comfort her because they only ever cared about themselves. They were just like his parents, only ever caring about the family honor; placing countless burdens on their children's shoulders. Had the trappings of his privilege really made him immune to his parent's true colors? They would never love him as much as they loved the way they were perceived and did not care who they hurt to keep up the façade. Paul hadn't always been so heartless; he had been made as such. Liam had been so blind that he did not see that every palace could be a prison, even the ones in which he lived. He had talked about freeing Carla from her cage, not realizing he needed to free himself first. The time was now.

He takes one last look at his mother and father. He will not give his life for them just because they gave him life. He will not endure.

"I will not endure," he whispers and walking towards the door he turns around one last time looking at his brother, "I will not endure this family anymore. I choose my own son."

He turns and walks away down the hall. He cans here the voices in the study questioning if they heard him right. He hears the rustling of his mother's footsteps as she walks out into the hall and shouts after him. But Liam does not turn back because even she should know that every parent must let go of their child one day, that that child will become a parent themselves. He has washed his hands clean of her and all his that his family stands for. His back still turned he walks further down the hall towards his new life, away from her and towards him…

He imagines that as he walks down the halls of this grand family house he is walking towards his own son, a son who awaits him at the end of what has been a long and dark tunnel.


	45. Chapter 45

**As always thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Love you guys and really appreciate every single one.**

**~Noeme**

**The Hamptons 1926**

_Dear Carla,_

_I was delighted to receive your letter. It is the highlight to what has been the most testing of months. Simon is, well you know he is Simon. He can't move anymore and my father has hired some of the best in care nurses to take him to and from his bed. I told my father I should like to do it myself, but he won't hear of it and neither will Simon's mother._

_What they don't know is that I do it anyways. Every morning I carry Simon out of bed. He is heavy but then again he is 15, so I shouldn't be surprised. But you know how they say a parent will move heaven and earth to protect their child; I guess that is what I am trying to do with him. I lift him with every fiber of my being and I push him in his chair while all the house is still asleep. Together we go down to the little pier at the edge of my father's property and we watch the sun rise. Carla, it is so beautiful when you take the time to really appreciate it and so rich in color to it seems like natures endless portrait. I should think you'd like to capture it someday when you visit us. I do miss watching you paint._

_Simon asks about you a lot and wonders what you are like. So I tell him all about you, Giulia and Cillian. He is glad to hear stories and he tells me a lot of his own as well. Like he misses swimming and the water. I catch him closing his eyes a lot when I take him to the pier. He likes the quite because he likes to focus on the sound of the water, picturing himself swimming and sinking against the waves._

_I cry more for him then he does himself. He won't cry at all actually, but I cry because I have missed so much of his life. I have his forgiveness though, Carla he forgives me and that means so much. I think I am starting to understand why he will not break down; he realizes that no amount of cursing the fates or anger will change all that happened to him that fateful day. No amount of tears can make him swim again. I have to accept the things I cannot change, I have to let go._

_This brings me to something else I have to say to you Carla. It's about Liam, you know don't necessarily care for him, but I can feel it in your letters etched in every page, you regret the way things ended between you two. So I am going tell you once and for all as your friend, you have to stop trying to recapture the past; or else you have to decide to take fate into your hands. Make things right or accept that you didn't, but don't waste your time being stuck in between or being indecisive. If you want to know my honest opinion, I think it is time for you to go to him and tell him the truth. Too often we all seem to get caught up in recapturing our pasts, trying to make them something different from what they are. We spend too much time longing for things past, when we should be appreciating what has been given in the moment. Why long for things that are not meant to be ours Carla? It doesn't make any sense. But you are always so restless; I think you must find Liam. As a father and man to man I think he deserves to know Cillian to be given a moment to know his son._

_I must wrap this letter up. Simon's doctor shall be here shortly and Simon is clutching his rosary rather nervously (Giulia I'm sure will be glad to hear he considers it to be his guardian angel). Please consider my advice darling_

_~Love Peter_

_P.S. Remember like I always tell you, chin up. Everything is beautiful._

Carla sets the letter down. She is sitting at her dresser glancing in the mirror as the tears run down her face. She had been trying to respond all day, to compose a letter back to Peter of her own. But it was no use, she was drained, she was always drained. Why was she so stubborn? Did she not understand that she could not be held to the promise made long ago to stay away from Liam? She had broken it, shortly after she moved to the Hamptons she enlisted the services of a private detective to follow around Liam back in England and ensure her that he was doing well. She was worried that she may have driven him to a state of madness with her cruel words. She also hired the detective to keep tabs on her estranged husband Antony Gordon. She did not want him to find her anytime soon and the only way to ensure he didn't was to stay one step ahead of him. Her correspondence with the detective was through an agency and she only received letters every couple of months updating her on events. The problem was she had only ever received one letter about Liam; the detective informed her that he did not seem to be in England any more.

Her heart had become anxious at tat news. Where had he gone? She thought at first he was coming back to New York, coming back for her. She tortured herself for endless hours about seeing him again, what it would be like to kiss him again. She imagined just crying in his arms and telling him she loves him, that she'd always love him. He'd forgive her for being a silly fool, for lying to him about Cillian. He'd understand that she only ever said what she said because she was angry and hurt. She'd promise to get things right this time, she'd tell him that he had always made her feel afraid but only because she had never known a love like his before.

A single tear runs down her face and she hears his whisper

"_You've got a single tear running down your face…just like a rain drop."_

The voice that haunts her soul she wipes it away feeling his touch. She has to give into it; she has to give herself to the memories of him. She closes her eyes and imagines the first time they meet. He had known it before her; he had known that he'd love her that very first moment their hands had touched. She was the one that fought against; she was the one that pushed him away.

Perhaps it was God's punishment to have her have no idea where Liam was now. In a sense she had lost the right to know where he was and what he was doing long ago. She had certainly lost the right when she lied about giving up Cillian. The way he looked at her with such pain, the way he vowed to never see her again…

"_Don't paint with me in mind anymore."_

She had lost the right to even draw inspiration from him. How could she devote her life's passion to him, yet exclude him from the most sacred parts of her life, from their sons life. Peter was right; Liam had every right to know his son. He was also right that she spent so much time trying to recapture the past, instead of taking the opportunity to appreciate her life. If she could not accept the decision made to exclude Liam from knowing his son, then it was up to her to make things right. But now she faced a roadblock. Liam had made himself virtually impossible to find. The Detective did not do a good job of keeping tabs on him and the agencies services were limited to England. There is a possibility Carla may have lost him forever.

There was knocking on the door and Carla quickly grabs for some tissue on her dresser wiping the tears from her face. Quickly she folds up Peter's letter making a note to respond to it later.

"Come in," Carla says and is greeted by her friend and now nanny Sophie.

"Ms. Donovan," she says, "Sorry to disturb you. It's just that the children were wondering if you'd be joining them on the beach. Cillian refuses to build a single sand castle until you arrive. Giulia on the other hand is pouting because I told her she is not permitted to write her grandfather from this address. She doesn't understand how dangerous it is."

Carla had told Sophie all about her old life in England upon hiring her and was not at all surprised at how caring she was. It was her nature to be concerned and Sophie definitely agreed with all the precaution's Carla took to keep safe from him. They had moved from her old address so Alasdair could not track them. Carla didn't need to be in New York to paint, she painted from the Hamptons instead. A lot of the time she painted beach and seaside portraits. She always painted flowers as well; she had just stopped painting Liam.

"She knows the rules," says Carla rising from her chair. She was wearing a simple summer dress and reached for her summer hat. It was hot outside and she needed to keep protected. "She knows parts of who her father is Sophie, parts of his nature."

"But he is still her father nonetheless," says Sophie, "You know how it is with children, they love their fathers no matter what."

"I know," sighs Carla. Sometimes she wishes she could make Giulia forget Antony.

She feels selfish on the other hand because Giulia misses England so much. The Hamptons did not cure her want for the old country homes of England. But it makes sense that nothing would ever replace the love Giulia had for the Palace. But there was no point in recapturing the past.

Carla and Sophie stroll down her property walking along the backdrop of the beach. Her easel and paints have been set up and in the distance she can see Cillian crouched down in the sand arranging seashells. Giulia is lounging on a beach chair in her bathing suit, sulking and flipping through the pages of _American Vogue_. She is grown up so quickly and looking more and more like her mother every day.

"I thought you're friend Sarah would be here by now?" says Sophie approaching Giulia and sitting down on the chair next to her.

"Well she isn't coming because I've dis-invited her," snaps Giulia. She gives Sophie an annoyed look indicating she would not like to be disturbed any longer.

"Well that's not nice," responds Sophie always bubbly and upbeat.

"Well you wouldn't know anything about it. And in any case no one asked you."

"Giulia!" says Carla immediately. She knew her daughter is only being foul because she isn't allowed to write to her grandfather, "Show some respect. Sophie is you're elder; do not talk down to her. Apologize immediately."

"Oh I will not!" says Giulia scrunching up her face, "I don't want to."

"Giulia I am warning you-"

"Warn me all you like!"

"What has gotten into you child?" says Carla, "Why are you behaving like this?"

Giulia throws her copy of Vogue onto the sand and getting up glares at her mother, "You really want to know mother? Why don't you answer one of my questions for once?"

Carla knows where this is going, "Giulia you know the rules-"

"Why won't you let me write my father?"

"Giulia this is not the time or place to rehash this. You know that it is not safe, you remember what he did to me and you."

Giulia ignores her clearly incensed and frustrated, "it's not fair I haven't seen him in five years!"

Carla looks over at Cillian he has been alerted by his sisters screaming and is slowly walking over to the scene. Carla gives Sophie one look and immediately Sophie leaves the situation rushing towards Cillian and guiding him back to his seashells.

"Giulia," Carla now whispers. She is exhausted and in no mood to fight with her daughter, "Please just drop it."

"I will not mother! I miss England. I hate being in New York because everyone else is back home."

"Cillian and I are here."

"But our father is not," responds Giulia her voice shaking, "You don't know how horrible it is to see everyone else with a father and not have mine. I used think talking about him would ease the pain, I once told you foolishly how it kept him alive. But he might as well be dead since I will never see him again!"

"Giulia I am sorry for the pain I have cause you. But can we please talk about this later?"

Giulia squints her eyes in anger, holding her ground but then relenting says, "Fine mother. We'll have it your way then. I don't need you to faint on me all over again."

Carla is astounded by the bitterness in her daughter's voice, the harshness of that personal attack. She feels the urge to smack her and tell her she doesn't know how lucky she is to be away from her monster of a father. But Carla made a vow to never hit her children the way her father often did her. She lets it slide and watches her daughter push pass her and stroll towards Sophie and Cillian. Slowly she turns around in a circle,

"Well are you coming or not mother? We were waiting on you to do the message in the bottle to begin with."

Carla recovers from her shock and the amazing ability Giulia has exhibited. She remembers her trusted servant Mary's words all those years ago. She had always said Giulia grew more and more like her father everyday. Before she had only displayed his willfulness in certain situations, but today she displayed like him a remarkable amount of disregard for other people's feelings. She had attacked her mothers nervous tremors and condition, much like her father had. Slowly Carla follows her down the beach.

Sophie and Cillian are writing messages on separate pieces of paper.

"Mummy," says Cillian meekly, "Will you help me write my message?"

"Of course my darling," says Carla kneeling to his level and patting his dark brown hair. He looks at her with his vivid blue eyes and rosy cheeks, his expression turns to one of concern.

"Mummy are you upset?"

Carla sees her daughter Giulia glare at her from behind Cillian before picking up a bottle and piece of paper and huffing back to her beach chair. It was obvious she had no intention of doing the activity together as a group.

"I'm alright darling," says Carla and then grinning at him reassuringly adds, "Nothing that a hug and kiss can't fix."

Cillian grins at her just as widely and collapses into her arms giving her the biggest hug he can muster. Carla feels the pain Giulia has caused her wash away and gently kisses her sons soft hair. She takes in the unique smell of him he was her own darling. He was just as sweet and lovely in nature as his father, as her Liam. She'd hope he'd never change and that he would always be perceptive to the feelings of others. If he was he would truly make some girl out there happy one day. Gently his lips brush her cheek and he lets go.

Carla helps him as he composes a message.

"Who will your message be for Cillian?" asks Sophie

"For my uncle Peter," says Cillian and then turning to Carla adds, "And I'd like to write a message to my papa to."

"Okay," says Carla gently sitting right near him as he picks up a pencil.

"Sophie is teaching me how to spell," he says.

"Is she now?" Carla and Sophie exchange smiles, "What can you spell baby?"

"I can spell dog and bog and cat and red and blue and lots and lots of words."

"Good job," says Carla taking a moment to rumple his hair. He grins up at her loving her attention. Turning back to his paper Carla is more and more mesmerized by the beautiful child her and Liam have created. He warms her heart so much, the splitting image of his father."

"Cillian," she says, "That's not all you can spell. You can spell your first name to?"

"Oh yes," he says excitedly, "Want to hear mummy."

"Of course."

"C-I-L-L-I-A-N. Cillian"

"Bravo!" says Sophie

Carla joins in and he blushes furiously.

"I can spell my middle name to," Cillian says overwhelmed with all the praise, "L-I-A-M. "

There is a lump forming in Carla's throat. She whispers his name taking in each syllable like it is the loveliest sound she has heard. How she loved him and missed him with every fiber of her being. She composes herself because Sophie is staring at her with concern. She doesn't want to start crying about Liam at the moment.

"You should write your message Cillian," Sophie says changing the subject. She gives Carla a look as if to say, it is okay if she wants to be alone. That she has things handled.

Carla is grateful but she stays watching as Cillian writes out his message to Peter and to his father. They are virtually the same in composition.

_Uncle Peter I miss you. Please come back soon._

_~ Love Cillian_

_Papa I miss you. Please come home soon_

_~Love Cillian_

They roll the messages up in the bottles and Carla holds Cillian's hand as they tread down the beach and towards the water. Sophie follows closely behind with her own bottle. Giulia has still not rejoined them. Cillian is now very boisterous as he kneels down letting the waves wash up on his feet.

"Gently," Carla soothes him as he places one bottle and then the other in the water.

She then watches as Sophie hurls her bottle out into the sea. Carla wonders for a moment whom her message meant is for.

"Mummy," says Cillian holding onto her hand and looking up at her with his wide blue eyes, "Do you think uncle Peter will get my message?"

"Yes baby," Carla lies, "He will write you right away."

"And papa," says Cillian rather hesitantly, "Do you think he'll write me? Do you think he will come home?"

"I don't know baby," says Carla, "I don't know. Maybe he will one day, just not now."

Carla stares out at the sea, her thoughts full of Liam and then it hits her. She asks Sophie to take Cillian's hand and quickly grabs a bottle and piece of paper. She scowls a message out and quickly rolls it up inserting it inside the bottle. She runs back down to the water with a deep breath she throws it out to sea.

"Wow, that must be some message," remarks Sophie, "You must really had to get it out of your system."

"You have no idea," says Carla glancing back at her friend.

Just the housekeeper came bustling towards them carrying a letter. Carla felt her heart skip a beat. She hoped it was not from Antony, that he had somehow found her. But the housekeeper passes it to Sophie before giving apologizes for interrupting and is on her way once more. Carla watches as Sophie opens the letter, her eyes scanning the paper. Carla feels nervous hoping it isn't anything too serious, but then she sees Sophie's eyes illuminate and a broad smile formed on her lips. Looking up at Carla she says,

"It looks like my message in the bottle was answered way quicker then I had anticipated."

"Whatever do you mean?" says a bemused Carla.

"It's Michel," she says, "He's getting married in Egypt. He says he's met a girl while on a dig."

Carla smiles. She is happy for Michel, he had been so nice at the wedding her and Liam crashed. Carla had allowed for Sophie to tell him that they had met once more and were friends that it came as no surprise when Sophie added,

"He wants me to come, to leave at once. And in the letter he says you're invited to."

"That's sweet of him," says Carla but she thinks of Cillian and Giulia. They would most likely not want to go and she wouldn't leave without them, "But I have the children to think of."

"They can come to," says Sophie, "I see no reason why Michel would mind. He adored you at Lila and Aaron's wedding and he'll adore you in Egypt to."

"I don't think Giulia will make it easy-"

"Well then let her stay. That will give her a chance to think over her behavior and it will give you a nice break. Besides Cillian has never been out of the country. It would be nice for him to get away."

"Alright then. I guess I will consider it."

"Oh please do!" says Sophie gushing, "I need a friend in a foreign country. Travelling to Switzerland and knowing no one was traumatic enough."

"Okay fine," Carla relents grinning. She reasons it would be nice to see Michel again. Sophie practically leaps into her arms and gives her a hug. Carla can't help but resist asking, "So what was your message then?"

"To see my brother again. What's was yours?"

Carla looks at her friend thinking of the long drawn out message she had written to Liam. She had included the words to the song he played for her on the piano that time they had made love in the hotel, _The Flower Room Girl_. Essentially she prayed to God that she may see him again and that he'd point her in the right direction, to send her a sign. Sophie had had so much success maybe she would to.

"Mines was much the same," Carla tells her, "Mine was to see Liam again."

Sophie gives her a sympathetic smile and then trying her best to make Carla stay positive and says, "And you will Carla. You will see him again, you'll see. The world will find a way to bring him back to you. You guys can't fight it forever, he's your and you're his. You fight destiny forever."

Carla didn't want to fight it, not anymore. If she ever found him again she would never let him go, not ever again. She only hopes that when the time comes for them to meet again he will not turn her away.


	46. Chapter 46

**There is a quote used in this section that I took from Graham Greene's, "The End of the Affair" It is just so beautiful what it says about love that I couldn't resist putting it in this section because I think it describes Liarla's love perfectly. I bolded it down below so people know which quote it is. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and as always thank you for reading.**

**~Noeme**

**Morocco 1926**

_I've spent many a nights just wondering about you, the little things at first… like I imagine what you look like. If you have you're mothers eyes or whether you have mine. I wonder what you're favorite thing is that you like to do, if you're with a family that loves you. Then I imagine the day I may get to finally meet you, so I think what's your name? What do I call you?_

_And then after that I get this feeling deep inside my chest, a feeling of grief. I wonder about all the facets of your personality, what it would be to actually know you, to really know you. I have never had the experience of seeing a child be born, and the fact that I never got to be there when you took your first breaths saddens me. It wasn't my choice, had I known you existed I would have been there with you from the very start. But I find all this wondering it's not nearly enough, so I pray for the day when I finally find you._

_My grandmother Caroline once told me something very powerful about love and I'd like to one day be given the opportunity to tell you it in person. But for now just writing it down will have to do. _

_I remember being very young and my grandfather had just died. My grandmother, your great-grandmother was beside herself in grief and no one knew how she'd ever be able to survive it. And I didn't understand death all that much either at the time. But it was my nature as a child to know when people were sad, I was perceptive and I put my arms around her and just hugged her_

_She told me not to worry and that she would be okay, because as my grandfather lay dying he cupped her hands in his own and said,_

"_**Love doesn't end just because we don't see one another."**_

_**He said people go on loving God all the time without ever actually seeing him.**__ For the longest time I didn't understand what he meant by this._

_But when I met your mother for the first time, the feeling was indescribable. I thought surely my heart had not known true beauty up until that very moment. There was something magical about it, the days, which I had not known her versus the days that she began to take shape in my life. And all those years, in which she was absent again, it only made me love her more. I loved her even when I didn't see her any more I love her still._

_I need you to understand something, that this is how I love you. I love you like every parent should love their child and I hope to God everyday that no matter where you are in this world, regardless of the fact that I may never get to know you or ever see your face, that I love you. I love you without even knowing you, without ever seeing you, because that is the truest form of love there is. I hope the world for you, without even knowing all your dreams and goals; I hope every single one of them comes true. With all my heart, this is how I love you. _

_Your Father,_

_Liam_

"Liam," shouted an all too familiar voice.

Liam's head jerked up immediately and he wiped the sweat from his forehead. The weather was so incredibly humid he thought he could die. His cotton shirt is sticking to his skin even more then it should because his brown suspenders are digging into his back. He scoops up his bowler hat and quickly closes his notebook getting up and smiling as his dear friend Samuel Wellington walks towards him. His wife Margaret follows behind closely fanning herself and holding onto her husbands shoulders for support. Liam's eyes gleam as he sees her as well.

"Samuel," he says running from the table at the coffee shop to greet his friends halfway, "How glad I am to see you!"

"And you," says Samuel embracing him in a hug and giving him a big clap on the back, "Long time, my man, long time."

"Liam," says Margaret smiling and holding out her hand for him to kiss.

Liam gives her a big grin while Samuel smirks at his wife.

"Really Margaret? You're going to just hold out you're hand for him," and then turning to Liam he says, "She's been rather weird about hugging people lately."

"And you would be to Samuel if you were carrying a baby," says Margaret relenting and leaning in to give Liam a hug and kiss."

Liam is taken aback for a moment at his friend's revelation but is absolutely ecstatic. His eyes widen and he breaks into a grin, "Oh my gosh Margaret that's wonderful news."

"Thank you darling."

"Samuel congratulations," he says hugging his friend once more, "You're going to be a father!"

"I know," says Samuel in a daze, " I can hardly believe it."

Liam ushers Samuel and Margaret back to the café where they try to sit away from the sun and in the shade. The waiter comes over taking their orders. Liam and Samuel both get black coffee, while Margaret insists on jasmine tea. Once everyone is served it is time to catch up.

"Tell me how it is?" says Samuel taking a sip of coffee, "How are you liking the phosphate business? It's much different from the shipping business."

"It is," says Liam smiling, "But I like the difference." He tries his best to sound confident as Margaret observes him with worried eyes.

Liam was so thankful for their friendship. When he had left his parents house, mindful to never look back it was Samuel who he turned to first. Samuel was never really one to judge him and Liam had been so upset that day that Samuel did not pry for details. Margaret and him said they would help Liam get away if that's what he needed to do, no questions asked. They three of them where from the same cloth anyways so Samuel and Margaret knew how things went with obligation to the family and the pressures put on children of their class. The two of them always remarked how lucky they were to actually have been in love when it was decided they would marry. They truly were lucky; Liam felt a tinge of sadness as they looked at each other adoringly.

"You're sure?" Samuel further inquires prying his eyes away from his wife, "Because if you don't like it I am sure you'll find something else. You were always so smart and never one to be confided to just one career."

Samuel working through the connections he had with his great uncle managed to help Liam get a job that would get him out of England and as far away from his family as possible. Liam had been worried that the uncle would talk because people in society always talked and accidently give Liam's whereabouts to Connor family. Samuel had assured him that this would not be the case and winked that he had everything under control. Margaret later told Liam that Samuel had some dirt on his great uncle so the man knew better then to step on his nephew's toes.

So Liam had been in Morocco for almost a year working in the phosphates industry and also dabbling in rock mining. His work was mostly overseeing things on site so he rarely got his hands dirty, however he did get a lot of time to spend thinking and writing down his thoughts. He spent many days under a white tent just thinking about his son, he spent his breaks often composing letters to the child. He told himself that one day he would find his son and give the letters to him personally. He had written a great deal so far, but that was because he didn't have the energy to do much else. He either threw himself completely into his work or completely into the task of finding his son. He did not have room to think about much else, or rather he made sure he didn't so he wouldn't have to think about her so much.

The deserts and landscapes of this country made him feel as though he was lost without Carla sometimes. He didn't want to love her like he did because it hurt too much. But it would never be over, the way he dreamed of her, his Carla. Nature often taunted him as he surveyed the deserts of his work; the wind against the sand gave the illusion that the desert was talking. Always it would whisper her name and always nature would taunt him because he felt destined to walk in an endless desert without her, destined to lie alone in the darkness of his thoughts.

"_Remember," he thought, "…__ She belonged, belong another—Another forever. Yes, she belonged to the twilight and mist…"_

It seemed only he was denied the right to know her and love her. She belonged to everything but him even the twilight could have Carla.

"…Please say you will?"

Liam brings himself back from his daydreaming, "Pardon?" he asks Margaret.

She has been talking to him for sometime apparently.

"Please say that you will be our child's godfather. It would mean so much to us both."

"Of course!" says Liam beaming, "I'd be honored."

But then he feels the sadness deep in his heart for his son. If he had been given the opportunity to raise him and watch him grow, he would have given Samuel and Margaret the same honor. Margaret smiles at him sympathetically, she has read his thoughts. Liam had told both her and Samuel everything that day he walked away from his family. He told them all about Carla and the affair and the son that she had given away. He had expected for Margaret to be angry with him because Romola was her friend, but she was not in the slightest. She was a great support for him always trying to give insight into the woman's psyche. Where Samuel would bash Carla for her treatment of his friend, Margaret tried to frame things from a woman's perspective.

Margaret had told Liam that it was common knowledge that Antony Gordon liked to force himself on women. She had learned so from an acquaintance of Carla's cousin Marie and back in 1910 he had apparently raped a woman at a hotel during Marie's engagement gala. He had also coerced a maid into leaving the hotel premises with him. When they found her the next morning the state of her was said to have been so battered and bruised that she was no longer recognizable.

Antony's father Alasdair had it all covered up of course because he wanted his sons new engagement to go off without a hitch. Alasdair had heard rumors of the Donovan girl's instability and didn't want her to be frightened off. It was said that he was not too concerned, as beautiful women were said to take to melancholy. Mark Donovan agreed, and in order to keep his silence would receive a hefty payment if he managed to get his daughter to the alter without any qualms. Poor Carla, so naïve and so young didn't have a glue as to the sinister monster she was marrying. Her father led her to the alter like she was the sacrificial lamb.

The whole story sickened Liam. How could so many people who knew what Antony had done, just turn a blind eye? Her own father had turned a blind eye. The maid had been paid off into silence before finally the pain of it all was too much she took her own life.

Liam was certain now that Antony not only abused Carla but probably raped her as well. He probably justified his actions as being his conjugal right. Liam imagined what hell it must have been for a poor Carla in 1911, just sixteen years old being forced to endure that mans sickness. The pain was too much he could not even speak of it, much less hear about anymore. But in spite of himself, he thought of it, it had a way of creeping into his thoughts.

Carla had probably tried to tell her father, but Margaret said it made no difference, as Carla was powerless in the situation. Liam knew his friend was right, He was sure that if Carla ever did voice her fears her father would have only tell her it was her duty endure. It was duty to be seen and not heard and just as long as she kept up the appearance that she was normal on the outside, her father couldn't care how damaged she was on the inside. He only cared that she gave no one any more reasons to suspect her apparent instability. She was made to endure, just like Liam's father had said he must endure. Poor Carla had suffered in silence.

Still for the life of him Liam could not understand why she gave the child away, their child. Margaret had theorized that perhaps Tony had raped Carla around the time that Liam had been with her. But Liam didn't want to believe this, because then it would mean his heart would forgive her more easily. He wanted to believe that she had intentionally tired to hurt him by not telling him of the child's existence. It would make it easier to cope, for he could not bear the thought of her carrying the scars of Antony's rapes. He wanted to be able to stay angry at her for a while longer, because he was still having trouble understanding why she would want to hurt him if she did in fact love him. But he wasn't even sure if she loved him still, if she had ever loved him the way he had her. He wondered if the Carla he knew was just a hollow empty shell, too afraid to love, tainted by losing her innocence so young to that monster of an uncle.

"_Caroline died along time ago Liam. It's been Carla since I was fourteen years old…"_

How could anyone be the same after that? How could any girl love a man, give all her heart to someone after what had been done to her.

_"He used to say he loved me before he hurt me, now he hurts me before he says he loves me…"_

And then for Antony to do the same and to claim that he did it only because he loved her, well it was probably the only sort of idea about love she had ever known, a sickness that was the evilness and depravity of other men. There was probably a time when she fought it against all, shut down in all her mind, trying not to think of it. Hoping not to be seen or heard, so Antony wouldn't touch her anymore. But then finally knowing one day that it wasn't right how Antony had treated her, that it wasn't right what her uncle had done to her.

Liam imagines that she tried to tell father, all she wanted was to be loved. But he was deaf to her tears; just putting her back in her box hoping it would be later rather than sooner when she would next crack.

"_Ever since I was a child he would stand in my doorway. I had be what he wanted me to be; feel only when he said it was okay to feel…"_

His Carla, Liam thought ever since she was baby in the nursery how her father would scold, she was made to feel she wasn't right. How her father would make her stand in front of the mirror and tell her all that was wrong with her soul. How he would ensure the nuns to make his daughter write with her right hand even though she was left handed, how that father worked persistently to destroy his own daughter in every way until there was nothing of her left.

_"He can not love me so much if he can so easily neglect me. My father says that all men are like that, they love to neglect their wives…"_

Liam hated Mark Donovan. He hated him for how he relentlessly took away the person that Carla could have been. He hated how Mark had been allowed to put such ideas in her head, and how no one stopped him. That wasn't love, that isn't the love of a father. And that isn't what a marriage should be. Liam would have loved her if she had been his wife, he wouldn't have neglected her.

But then the guilt over came him, because he had left her, he abandoned her in New York in her darkest hour and had never gave a thought to how she was feeling. He never considered how hard it must have been for her to reveal all the rudiments, all the roots of those habits from childhood. But he was hurt to; he was in his darkest hour when he said he never wanted to see her face again, when he proclaimed that he hated her. He was sorry for it, forever having uttered those words because he didn't mean it. And even if she never wanted to see him again, he wanted to see her if only just one more time, so he could tell her that it wasn't true. There would always be a place in heart reserved only for her, a special place of undying love.

"_Love doesn't end just because we don't see one another…"_

"You're on vacation now, aren't you?" asks Samuel.

Liam snaps back into reality, "Yes," he says, "For twelve days or so."

"Do you have any plans? Any ideas as to what you'll be doing?" says Margaret.

"I'll probably just stay at home, try and stay out of the heat at least."

Liam thought it was too bad that Samuel and Margaret were be leaving to go back to England straight away or he would have tried to better entertain them. He missed the company of his circle of friends; he missed hunting and just sitting around and talking for hours. He sometimes missed Michelle when he wasn't angry at what she had done, and he always missed Phillipa. They had always been so close and such free spirits together. He even missed poor Margaret; he hoped she was enduring his brother Paul as best she could.

"You see," says Margaret stroking Samuels hand, "I knew he would say that."

"Well I would have taken you both to Ifrane or something if you were staying longer. We could have escape the heat."

"Oh but you know I hate to ski Liam. I would rather be on the beach or at least exploring some ancient sites."

"Well not like it matters now you're leaving soon-"

"Well," says Samuel grinning, "That's the other thing we wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you mean?" says Liam he is confused.

"Well since Margaret is only two months along, we know the time well come when she'll start showing. And when it does we all know how her mother gets, she'll want to make sure our Margaret never leaves the house. So—"

"-So," says Margaret barely able to contain her excitement, "We feel like we should get some traveling in before I am shut away for the remaining seven months. I've always wanted to see the Great Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx. I told Samuel so many times that ever since I saw that painting of Napoleon Bonaparte just sitting on horse back and admiring it, I've always wanted to do the same."

"How lovely," says Liam politely.

"Indeed. And how much lovelier I'd be if you came," says Margaret.

"Yes," adds Samuel, "We'd love it," and then rolling his eyes jokingly adds, "Then all three of us could go before the Sphinx on horseback. Maybe if we're lucky we'll get a portrait painted to."

Liam considered the invitation. He thought the gesture was kind but he wasn't sure if he'd be up for anymore trips. He would probably spend it just writing anyways and contacting whomever he could in America to find out what had to be done to find his son.

"The offer is nice but I don't think I will come."

"What's your excuse?" says Samuel.

"He doesn't have one," Margaret responds, "And in any case it doesn't matter because we already got his ticket, right dear?"

"Right," says Samuel him and Margaret exchange mischievous looks, "Don't look surprised dear friend. You should know you never really stood a chance. We won't have you cooped up all day with not a care in the world. You'll be coming on the trip and I will see some smiles."

"I smile," says Liam defensively.

"Yes," says Margaret, "Those lips do often smile, but those eyes…they need some work. We miss the days when you were truly happy. Please Liam come on the trip."

"Yes Liam, come on the trip. We love you and we want to see you happy again. Besides we can talk more about the agency men you were looking to hire to try and find your son. We can brainstorm options around and what not."

"Yes," adds Margaret, "That's a lovely idea. Also if you don't come I will tell this baby inside of me one day all about how uncle Liam neglected his first duty as a new godfather."

"Oh and we can't have that now can we?" Samuel teases his wife and winks at Liam, "So what do you say?"

"I thought I didn't have a choice?" says Liam rather amused.

"Oh right. I forgot that for a second."

Liam finishes the last of his coffee just as the server comes back. He thinks to himself, perhaps the trip wont be so bad. Maybe he will have fun and forget his pain. Plus he could use Samuel's advice on the best way to go about finding his son. He can't do alone he needs all the support he can get. And if all goes bad at least he'll have more things to tell his son about. He can take in the sights of Egypt and chronicle his adventures in more letters; letting his son know that no matter where Liam is in the world there is not a moment that passes where he doesn't think of him.

"So," says Liam mustering a small smile, "When do we leave?"

Margaret grabs Liam's fingers from across the table, while Samuel lights a pipe and grins.

"Where leaving already dear," Margaret says, "I can hear Egypt calling our names already. Listen to the wind against the sand."

Samuel listens and so does Liam if only to entertain and appease her.

"Do you hear it?" says Margaret.

"_Liam."_

Liam did hear it.

"I hear nothing darling," says Samuel humorously, "Sorry it's just sand blowing in the wind against the desert dust."

"Liam hears it," says Margaret ignoring her husband and smiling at Liam. She is reading his mind, "He must, I see a faint smile coming back into his eyes. You hear it don't you?"

Liam gives her a faint smile.

"_Liam."_

He heard Carla's voice again whispering faintly to him in the wind. He heard it calling to him, telling him where he should go. But he won't tell Margaret this; some secrets are only met for the ears of one person alone.


	47. Chapter 47

**Egypt 1926-Port Said**

They traveled to the ports of London and then headed on their way to Port Said. Carla had been nervous when Sophie revealed the round about route they would be taking to get to Egypt. But she insisted that it was her brother Michel's advice that they travel from London instead of going to straight from New York. The trip would go more smoothly.

Carla experienced tremors for a while just thinking about going anywhere near England. She was paranoid that Antony could pop up at any moment and drag her back to the palace. But she was just being irrational because there was no way of Antony knowing exactly where she was; she had hired a detective after all to keep an eye on him. Besides she remembers how much Peter believes in her, he thinks that she is a fighter, and it is time for her to start acting as such.

They had met a few people on the ship once it started down the Mediterranean on its way through to the final destination. Or rather it was Sophie who keep people entertained and always on the edge of there seats with her fantastical stories and strange facts.

"We are now officially worldly people," remarks Sophie to a bunch of her new friends.

"Why is that Miss?" says a good-looking man Carla believed was named Patrick. He had been giving Sophie his full attention ever since boarding in London, hanging on to her every word and entertaining her every whim.

"Well," says Sophie dazzled by his good looks and enjoying his attention, "A great writer once said, "If you truly wish to find someone you have known and who travels, there are two points on the globe you have but to sit and wait—"

"-Sooner or later your man will come there: the docks of London and Port Said," finishes the man Carla was sure is called Patrick.

Carla smirks thinking to herself, Sophie and this man were already finishing each others sentences. It was cute the way she kept nervously blushing and smiling at him over the last couple of days, they had been virtually inseparable. This however was much to the dislike of Cillian who was used to being the only boy Sophie had eyes for. Her darling boy went out of his way whenever he could to occupy Sophie's attention and it always worked, all he had to do is look at her with his deep blue eyes and Sophie would come running to her little angel. Carla couldn't help but smile at her son's adorable mischief; he was already a favorite of the passengers aboard. Old ladies would walk by and pinch his rosy cheeks, while their daughters fawned all over his cuteness. The men would give admiring stares just daring to envision his future as an unstoppable ladies man.

"Oh yes," says Sophie rather breathlessly admiring the features of the handsome Patrick, "Yes you're quite right…"

Carla had to suppress her need to laugh as the Patrick fellow stared back a little put off by Sophie's obvious and constant gawking, it often got in the way of them completing a conversation.

"Yes," he says in a combination of amusement and awkwardness, "The author who said that was Rudyard Kipling."

More silence.

"Well," says Carla taking the opportunity to save her friend from anymore embarrassment, "I guess we've seen the world since we past through London and now we're on our way to Port Said."

"Yes," says Patrick still staring at Sophie, "Well I think—I think I'm going to go now."

Still Sophie is just gawking. Patrick raises an eyebrow now realizing she hasn't even heard him.

"Well good bye then," says Carla nudging Sophie in the arm. She better speak before she makes a complete fool of herself.

Sophie snaps out of her trance immediately patting her hair, trying to look her best, "Oh you're leaving so soon?"

"Yes….I have to go for a walk around deck with the parents and such."

"Well goodbye then…see you later?"

Patrick smirks at her, "Oh I will be don't worry."

This sends Sophie back into her routine of admiring him like a lovesick puppy. Thankfully Cillian comes to rescue this time. He is flouncing around a toy yoyo giving to him by one of the men on deck. He comes running to his mother and Sophie. Patrick takes this as his escape out of awkward city and sets off down the deck to his waiting family and friends.

"Mummy," he says, "Watch me do some tricks."

"Okay baby," says Carla squatting down to the level of her son.

He is so ecstatic about being able to play with his new toy. Slowly he takes his small finger wrapping it in the loop and begins to release it moving the yoyo up and down in a linear fashion.

"Oooh," says Sophie in her best dramatic voice as if to say it was all very impressive.

Cillian beams up at her happy that he is the only boy occupying her attention for now.

"That's not all I can do Aunt Sophie," he says proudly, "Watch this and you watch to mummy."

Carla and Sophie exchange quick smiles and then focus back on Cillian letting him know he has their full and undivided attention.

Carla had thought he would be lonely without Giulia coming along for the trip. Carla had decided that it would be best for her daughter to stay home as her mood only got progressively grouchier. She did not need Giulia making a show at Michel's wedding and Giulia said she didn't want to go anyways so it was decided she would stay back in the Hamptons with the housekeeper. The housekeeper was giving strict orders to mind whom Giulia wrote letters to, lest she try sneaking a letter to her grandfather Alasdair Gordon again. Carla didn't need him creating headaches in her life anymore.

She watches as Cillian's small little hands wrap up the yoyo string, he concentrates hard on this task scrunching up his face as his fingers work methodically. It is one of those moments where she can't help but think of Liam again, Cillian had so many of his mannerisms it was so remarkable.

Once Cillian has the string all wrapped up he held the yoyo, palm up, placing it between his thumb and little finger. With the flick of his wrist he whips the yoyo to the ground in a firm overhand motion, pulling it up and down and side to side. He laughs the innocent laugh of a child, with not a care in the world. It is simply infectious and Carla rushes towards him scooping her precious boy into her arms and giving him lots of kisses.

"My own darling," she croons, "Well done. You must teach me."

"And me as well," adds Sophie now reaching to pat him on the head.

He grins at her, his flirtatious look before shyly burying his face in his mothers shoulder blushing furiously. Carla and Sophie share another smile, suppressing the urge to laugh. He was the charmer just like his father; he knew how to give a woman the look already. Carla wonders where he learnt it, or if it just came with his father's natural good looks and deposition.

"Mummy," says Cillian now lifting his head and whispering in her ear, "May you please let me down? I want to play with my yoyo again."

"Of course baby," says Carla kissing his dark brown hair, "But first I need my kiss."

Cillian grins at her and plants a big kiss on her cheek, "I love you mummy."

"I love you to angel."

She sets him down and he runs about being patted on the head by his fan club of old ladies, eager to indulge his every whim.

"Stay close," shouts Carla keeping an eye on him as he starts showing the old women some tricks.

"What an absolute dream he is," remarks Sophie.

"I think he has his sights set on you dear," says Carla, "I think Patrick has some competition when it comes to your heart."

Sophie smiles at the mere mention of Patrick's name, he cheeks flushing, "I've completely blown it with him. I can talk to anyone else on the ship but with him I always get so tongue tied."

"Yeah," says Carla, "You do seem a bit foolish and light headed in his presence. One has to wonder if you've ever been with a man before," jokes Carla.

Sophie lets out a big gasp and then playfully smacking Carla's arm says, "Oh, behave!"

The two share a giggle.

"He is good looking though and he enjoys listening to all your stories about nanny school in Switzerland. I think he likes you as much as you like him. I don't know why you're so shy about it, because you are very beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you."

"Aww," Sophie says so deeply touched she seems like she is going to cry, "You think?"

"Of course. I wouldn't say it if I didn't. I Just think he is more of a listener while you're more of a talker. You two could really work."

"I find it so much easier to talk to men with children in tow. Do you think-"

Carla knows what she is going to ask and cuts her off, "Oh no you don't missy. You are not tugging Cillian along in you're efforts to talk to Patrick."

"But it would make things so much easier. Plus Cillian is so cute, we could spend half the time just talking about how lovely he is."

"Cillian does not like Patrick darling, sorry."

"Oh you don't know that."

"Oh yes I do. He practically stares Patrick down, trying to mark you as territory. Any man that wants to get next to the likes of you will have to pass through him first."

"Well then all more reason for him to come out with us on a little outing. He can get to know Patrick and like him like I like him."

"Not happening."

"Why not?" pleads Sophie, "The Yanks don't make men like him, that's for sure. I'll never meet a man like that in New York. Please just let me walk around deck with Cillian for a while. Maybe I will find Patrick and-"

"There's no time for that."

"Carla, why ever not?"

"Because we're docking silly," says Carla looking out into the distance. She sees the famous lighthouse of Port Said getting nearer.

"What?" says Sophie stopping her whining her eyes widen immediately and she jumps to Carla's side, "Oh my gosh! We're here already, that was so quick."

Cillian comes running back yoyo in hand he squeezes his way in between the two women his head nuzzling in Carla's side. He had never been out of America before and now here he was in this ancient land. She wanted him to appreciate every moment; he would never be here again.

"Look Cill," whispers Carla. She opens the space between the railing and her body allowing him to shift in. She puts her hands around his waste letting him get a better look at his surroundings.

His blue eyes are opened wide as he takes in the view and Carla is certain that his reaction is the most beautiful thing she has ever witnessed. They look at buildings, standing long before they both had even been imagined into existence, so ancient and old, remarkable and unique.

"It's so pretty mummy," says Cillian holding onto the railings and resting on Carla's weight.

"Indeed baby."

She smiles for all the joy he is experiencing but in this moment there also sadness, the sadness that his father cannot share in this memory, this once and a lifetime experience. Surely if she could, she would capture it so that Liam could one day know it for himself. She strokes her son's head, as they get closer and closer. She has never been one for philosophical thoughts, but she can't help but feel in awe that she will be stepping on a land, walked on by so many others, a place with so much history, if people long since past, and people coming on their way…

Any moment could be her last, and because of it this mere fact that all humans were doomed; everything seemed all the more beautiful. But she wonders, what it all really matters? Because these lands were neither the lands, which Liam had walked, nor the places he had seen. Carla wanted to be here with him, to share in this experience with the only man she would ever love.

"So beautiful," Sophie whispers.

"Pretty," Cillian adds taking a deep breath.

Carla smiles to herself.

_Here's to making the beauty last…_


	48. Chapter 48

**So I once found the most romantic quote in an interview that James McAvoy had said about his wife Anne Marie Duff and I just thought it was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard before. I think it encompasses the love of Liarla completely especially how they were on Corrie. So I decided to put in the story. I bolded it again the same as I did with the last quote. Thank you all for reading and there will be more to come.**

**Suez, Egypt- on Route to Cairo 1926**

_I wish I had more to tell you at the moment. We are travelling by train from the seaport city of Suez, just off the Suez gulf and famous canal. My own father used to tell me stories about the Suez Canal, it was very important to him since he builds ships. _

_Now having finally seen it for myself I can say that I do understand for once what all the fuss is about. It is truly extraordinary, apparently, or so my dear friend Margaret will have me know, Napoleon once came upon this Canal and it makes her feel rather important travelling all the places where great men have been. I admit that there is something quite euphoric about passing through the desert, walking on the same sand as Alexander did, or breathing the same air as Antony or Caesar. History seems to place these men in the highest esteem, filling the pages of their lives with purpose. They have captivated the imaginations of so many for so long. I suppose that is what I am doing here; right now I am filling the pages of my life in this journal, trying to give it purpose, just trying to captivate your imagination…_

_I'd like be someone important enough, one day for you to at least wonder about. Ever since I've arrived in Egypt the land has had such an effect on me. I wonder do I captivate your imagination? Will you come to think me as a man of purpose? Could you imagine me like a solider trudging across the land, trying to find a way to bring you back to me?_

_I imagine that you'll create little adventures in your head for us to embark off on together. Maybe they'll be just as fantastical as the things I dreamed up as a child. Like that I was the hero, going on a mission to some far off land to save the people I love. Or maybe you'll think the opposite, "They're stories you know? He's just a man my father, like everyone else…" There is no way of knowing really._

_But I don't want to be just a man in your life. And I want what I have had to go through, what I have had to endure to be more than just a bunch of words, paper to the pen. I don't want to be just a story; I want to be very much alive, very much a real presence in your life. _

_Sure my story isn't all that interesting to begin with. I did not feel anything short of ordinary until I met your mother. Sure I had money and everywhere I went people treated me with respect due to who my ancestors where. The life I had been conditioned to accept, was suffocating. But I am digging deep here when I tell you this, because with her…seeing your mother for the first time all I could think was that I could breath again, and at the same time I couldn't. It's a weird feeling and so hard to explain that sort of love creating a situation where one is unable to stay, but unable to leave and let go as well. If I could sum it all up, I would say that with your mother, __**I knew she was the one because the world seemed a little less scary and I started to like myself a little bit more.**_

_That's our story my son. It takes a certain type of bravery to free oneself from all these obstacles in the world. And I need you to know that not a day goes by where I am not looking for you, not fighting my own battles and demons to get to you. Your mother has had to fight some horrible demons of her own, but I can honestly say that she is the strongest woman I know. Whatever you may imagine me as, I hope that you understand that although the reality of the story isn't always how you pictured it, it doesn't make what happens any less true. I may not be some great and important man in the grand scheme things, but I wish to always mean something to you. I wish to make your world a little less scary, to always remind you that you are loved. _

_Your Father,_

_Liam_

He shut the journal that he had been lugging around writing letters to his son in. Margaret and Samuel have just entered the compartment that they were all sharing. It was a first class compartment of course; because Margaret wouldn't settle for anything less no matter how adventurous she claimed to be. Liam and Samuel were in no position to argue, they wanted everyone to get a long well for this trip. The heat however was making them all fatigue and grouchy at times.

Liam looks out his window as Samuel slides into the seat across from him, pulling out his pocket watch. Margaret follows suit resting her head on her husband's shoulders and closing her eyes to give them a bit of rest.

"We should be in Cairo around half past eight. That's what the conductors and stewards have assure me of. From there we can have a few men drop our luggage at our suite so that we can go straight on ahead to this Bentley man."

Bentley was a detective Samuel managed to find who lived in Egypt for the greater part of the year. He was an ex-pat from England who was apparently tired of all the restrictions placed on his job in the home country that he decided to go to a place where things could be more flexible. This made Liam feel uneasy, as it gave the air that this Bentley gentleman might be a little shifty and corrupt.

"And you're sure this is a good idea?' says Liam

"We'll never know unless we try Liam," says Samuel closing his pocket watch and tucking it away, "Were just going to check him out, get a feel for what he's like before we put any trust in him."

Margaret who is still resting her eyes says, "We only want the best of the best for our Liam Samuel. I still don't know why you just don't contact someone in America and living in New York at the moment. The child is probably still residing there."

"You know I don't have very many contacts in America Margaret," says Samuel.

"I'm perfectly fine with whatever Samuel can get for me," responds Liam, "And besides I guess he's right, we've only just got to check him out."

"Well how are feeling?" asks Samuel in a delicate voice.

"Normal I guess," says Liam feeling uncomfortable about pouring out his heart and soul. The truth is, he is feeling rather nervous and jittery.

"Really," says Margaret now opening her eyes to stare right into his, "I figured it be different. You know how things get when everything starts to become more real."

"I know Margaret," Liam responds. He wishes she wasn't always so worried about him, it could cause a lot of stress for the baby, "But I realized that I could be as mad a dog about the way things went, but when it comes down to it, the end, I just have to let go. What's done is done, she gave him away, but now it's my time to come and to bring him home."

Margaret raises her head slightly to give him a demure smile before settling back down and Samuel's shoulder and closing her eyes once more.

"Poor thing," whispers Samuel, "The heats too much for her, I'm afraid. I just hope to keep her hydrated enough for the baby."

"I can get her some water," says Liam. He is especially attentive to his friends needs; it has always been his nature to be helpful.

"Stay where you are mister," says Margaret, "Tell me a story or something, something interesting. I just need to sleep is all."

"What do you want to here?"

"Where do you think she is…Carla? What think she is doing at this very moment?"

"Margaret, really?" interjects Samuel always trying to protect Liam from any more pain of Carla's memories.

"It's okay Samuel, I am not going break down and start crying," and then turning to Margaret he says, "I imagine that where ever she is, she's probably painting something, maybe one of her flower portraits. Or maybe she is painting something else…"

"Like a portrait of you," says Margaret her voice is getting sleepy, "Like the portrait you had in your London townhouse."

"_All my works known for you…"_

Her voice haunts his mine again, creeping up when he lease suspected.

He had never told them how Carla had said he was in every stroke she took, every color she chose, how he had inspired her and all her works. It had been too much for him to handle at the time, because he was seeing her again for the first time in five years. He couldn't quite figure out what he was suppose to feel, she had left him and excluded him from all parts of her life, yet he was intertwined in all aspects of hers. He had been secretly satisfied that he had been her muse in a sense, but at the same time he felt cheated, because he was never allowed to be so apart of her life. She had made the decision to give out their son without even telling Liam the child existed.

"_Don't paint with me in mind anymore…"_

He had responded so boldly. He saw the markings of pain etched across her face as he said this and immediately he wanted to take it back. He wanted her to think of him always. The last time they had been separated he just hoped that wherever she was, that he had always been on her mind.

This time now, he wanted to be so present, so pervasive in her mind that he could forever haunt her. He didn't wish to make it any easier for her, all this time they had been apart. He hoped in away that her broke everyday they were not together, just as his still was. He now hopes that it makes her so weak, so convinced that she was lost without him, wandering the same deserts, laying in the same darkness, that one day she would see sense. She would realize that the only way to cure that pain deep inside her heart was to come back to him; it would cure him to. The scariness they both felt would go away, they could feel better about themselves again.

"If you ever see her again," says Margaret, "You should tell her all about how we rode out on horseback in front the sphinx."

"We haven't done that yet Margaret," says Samuel.

"I know, but we will. And when we do Liam can tell Carla one day all about it. Maybe she can imagine what it would be like, and paint you again. I think it would be lovely."

"Oh Margaret you always have the most fantastical ideas," says Samuel.

But Liam is drifting off into deep thought. He doesn't say anything, but is entertaining the idea; the fact is he could stop her breathing with just one look, he could reach out and touch her and she wouldn't know. He that much apart her, she had framed her whole purpose around him, gave her life new meaning for the love she felt for him.

More the anything Liam wishes he could bring Margaret's fantastical ideas to life. That he could kiss Carla's lips in a place outside his dreams, ignite her, seduce her, let her lips live again. He was tired of imagining the thought up stories contrived in his head about how they could meet again. He wanted her in the flesh, not just her voice calling to him in the desert dust. He needed her to be his strength because he cannot imagine doing this, something so important as finding his son with out her.


	49. Chapter 49

**Cairo**

He ran out to greet them as soon as the car pulled up the place they would be staying at in Cairo. The driver had barely opened the door before Sophie and Michel were plummeting towards each other like they had been apart all their lives. Carla smiled at the scene; she loved to see Sophie happy. She admired the close relationship her friend had with her brother; Carla often wished she had been closer to her own Robert. But they had spent most of her childhood apart and he had married in Dublin when Carla was undergoing confinement, the first of many. Her father had not allowed her permission to travel, so she didn't even go to her own brothers wedding. After observing the siblings swerve each other around and break apart, the driver took Cillian out and then extended his hand to Carla. She accepted graciously, hoping the heat did not leave her in indelicate condition.

"Carla, Carla, Carla," says Michel grinning as she glided towards him, "I think we have a propensity to only ever cross paths at weddings. It makes us all the more special, don't you think?"

Carla flashed him her best smile embracing him in a hug and giving him a kiss on both cheeks, "I think you're correct. Weddings always seem to bring out the best in a person."

"Or the worst," says Michel winking and then looking around earnestly says, "Now where is my man Liam? I didn't think you'd be one to travel without your husband in tow. I hope you both taken my advice and planned for a proper wedding."

"Michel," exclaimed Sophie before shooting a Carla a look of sympathy, "I told you Liam couldn't make it."

Carla was relieved to have Sophie around to interject and save her from talking about Liam. She had confided most of the details regarding her relationship with Liam and Sophie swore to never reveal this details to anyone. Carla was impressed that she had not caved in and told Michel anything, since Sophie said countless times before that they told each other everything.

"I'm absolutely gutted," says Michel, "He was so much fun at Aaron and Lila's wedding. I wanted to have a crowd pleaser at my wedding as well," then changing his tone added, "Maybe you're all just pulling my leg. Maybe Liam is at some swanky hotel in Cairo right now just waiting to reveal himself on the day of the wedding. I bet he's looking to crash."

Carla just stared at him not trusting her voice to not give way. Michel's incessant chatter about Liam was making her uneasy and joy she had felt coming her was slowly leaving. She hoped her whole trip would not be spent trying to dodge questions about him.

"Oh Michel cut it out," says Sophie slapping her brothers arm playfully, "Now where is this girl you've been ranting and raving about."

"Oh just some girl you say? Try fiancée sis. She is inside; you'll come and meet her now of course. She would've come outside but her sister had a bit of a freak accident-" Michel stops midway his eyes now only noticing Cillian who has been virtually silent peering out from behind his mothers leg.

Carla and Sophie exchanged glances wondering why he had stopped speaking and are about to urge him to continue when Carla makes the connection. She feels horrible, how could she forget to introduce him to Cillian.

"Well who is this little man?" says Michel beckoning to Cillian.

Carla looked down at her son who was observing Michel with big blue eyes, blushing furiously at all the attention being given to him. He burrows his face in his mother's leg.

"This is my son Cillian," Carla finally says.

"I'll be damned," says Michel before scrunching down on his legs to the level of Cillian and saying, "Why how nice to meet you Cillian. That is such a nice name you have."

Cillian looked apprehensively at the man who was very much a stranger to him, then looking up at Carla he searched her eyes, trying to figure out if it was okay to greet Michel back.

Carla beamed down at her son nodding her head in approval, "Go on Cillian don't be shy. That's your auntie Sophie's brother, he's very nice."

"I'm much nicer than Sophie," jokes Michel as Cillian made his way over. Michel stares at the child with a look of pure amazement plastered on his face, "How do you do fine sir?"

"Hello," says Cillian rather timidly.

His voice was so sweet and polite it made Carla burst with pride.

"How do you like Cairo so far Cillian?"

"It's okay, I suppose."

Sophie and Carla both laugh, Cillian had been pointing excitedly at the attractions the city had to offer all day. No one could calm him down.

"Well Cillian, were going to make sure you enjoy yourself while you're here. You can ride on a camel; I can take you to see some sites. How does that sound?"

"Good," Cillian manages starting to warm up to Michel.

Michel ruffles his head affectionately, "You know Cillian you look exactly like your father. The resemblance is so much; I think I must be looking at him, exactly as he looked at your age."

Carla doesn't know what to feel, how to take that statement. It is stabbing away at her heart, every moment she has not allowed Cillian to know his father. Sophie tries to cut in, to steer the conversation away from the forbidden but then Cillian peaks up even more.

"You know papa?"

"Yes," says Michel, "He's a nice man, has a wonderful sunny deposition. You're just like him, I can tell already. He'll be happy to hear all that you do your trip; so will be sure to take a lot of pictures. How does that sound?"

Carla is about to interject when a voice calls out from a window. They all look up; it is Lila, "Michel stop hogging Sophie and Carla. Let them come inside already, the heat must be killing them."

"Yes," says another familiar voice and Carla looks up at the approaching footsteps of Aaron followed closely by Joshua and a whole crowd of faces Carla remembers seeing at the other wedding, "How are you Carla? Shall we get your bags and get you inside?"

"Hello Aaron," says Carla giving him a brief hug, "That would be welcome."

"Where is Liam?" says Joshua, "We thought he'd be here."

"He couldn't make it," Sophie quickly interjects as she receives a hug from both men.

"But not to worry," says Michel pointing in the direction of Cillian, "We have been sent this little man to fill in for the being."

"Oh he is so cute," says the familiar voice of Sarah.

Carla did not particularly like Sarah nor did she look forward to a vacation full her constant negativity. However she put that all aside and thanked her graciously. As Aaron grabbed her bags, Carla called out for Cillian who was already a hit at with the guests. He ran over to her clasping her hand as they walked towards house.

"Come along now Sophie," says Michel stepping into form with his sister and wrapping her into a hug, "And you to Carla. There someone I'd like you both to meet."


	50. Chapter 50

_Everyday I wake up, I am starting to believe a little bit more that everything is beautiful. I am one step closer to finding you today, last night I met with a private detective named Bentley Wise. He seems honest enough and he promises to put me in contact with connections in New York. So I can't help myself today, I am so very happy. I am one step closer to bringing you back to me._

_I have this need within me to really take the atmosphere in; there is just something about this place that leaves me in awe. Like yesterday I saw the sun set, and it wasn't like I've never seen a sunset before. But the fact that I was seeing it in Egypt made it all the more special, all the more unique. I guess I am just floored by the beauty of it and I have this urge to remind myself at every turn that I may never be here, exactly as I am now, ever again._

_I guess because of this I have a mind to go out and enjoy Cairo for what is. I want to explore all the city has to offer. I want to do more then just observe my surroundings. I want believe that as I pass buildings, and take in the history and watch the people, that there is a chance I may meet someone I can actually just talk to I miss the simple conversations I used to have about the weather, it would nice to just be able to talk about the weather again…_

_I better go. My dear friend Margaret has a mind to tear this journal from my hands any moment now. Just know that wherever you, you're never far from the thoughts. I love you; I'll always love you._

_Your Father,_

_Liam_

Liam quickly closes his diary shoving it in his carry pouch as Samuel and Margaret make there way to him through the busy crowds. He loved them dearly, but he wanted to have a little space from them, to be given an opportunity to explore without them fussing over him every second. He didn't need Margaret looking at him with concerned eyes and he didn't need Samuel snapping at her because of it. He wanted to actually try and enjoy himself and to be treated normal. That is why he partly likes the anonymity he has while walking the streets of the market. No one really knew his name or his story. He was just another Brit enticed by the mysteries of this country. Ducking away from their view, Liam maneuvers his way through the crowd before stopping at a booth of fine jewelry.

He spotted a lovely necklace of emeralds and immediately he thought of Carla, emeralds had always brought out her eyes. He stares at the necklace remembering the day they had spent in New York together, how they had stared at their reflection in the mirror. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her and she couldn't tear her eyes away from him. Perhaps it was the first time she had looked in the mirror and liked what she had seen. There was no Mark Donovan breathing down her back, no Antony threatening her with stories about death. It was first time he had looked in the mirror and truly liked what he saw as well.

"It's all an illusion, you know."

Liam looks up taken from his trance by a young woman now standing beside him. She had dark brown hair and blue eyes, with a warm smile. He is momentarily tongued tie, because he is curious to how long she has been standing there. Finally he musters up the words for a response.

"I beg your pardon?" he says neither returning her smile nor out rightly glaring at her either.

"That girl, you've been thinking of while you stare at that necklace…you've been staring at it for sometime, probably thinking about what could have been. I'm just telling you now sir, don't waste your time. It's all an illusion, you made the right choice…whatever it was."

"And how do you know this?" says Liam slightly annoyed.

"Well for starters, I've been there staring at little sentimental trinkets and just getting lost in the moment. And secondly, you haven't denied it."

"Denied what exactly?"

"That it's a girl you've been thinking about."

"If I was, it wouldn't be any of your business," says Liam his eyes drifting over the necklace, Carla was never far from his thoughts. He began to pull out his wallet. He doesn't know why, but he wants to buy the necklace. Perhaps so he can look at it and think about putting it around her beautiful neck one day. He motions to the vendor beckoning him over with a wave of the hand. Liam was annoyed that the woman was still standing there and looked back at her pointedly, "I'm sorry, but can I help you?"

"You're getting the necklace?"

"Yes, it would seem that I am. What's it to you?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" says Liam trying to keep his composure. This woman was so annoying. He turns to the vendor, "How much?"

"20 Ginehs."

Liam hands the vendor the money and watches as he carefully begins to wrap the package. He feels like if he continues looking ahead maybe this woman will get the picture and leave him alone. Whatever happened to simple conversation? Why must everyone breathe down his neck about every little thing? Why couldn't a stranger just talk to him about the weather for once instead of trying to pry into his soul.

"Let me guess, you're going to save that necklace until you see her again?"

"Again, what is it you? I don't even know you."

"Well then you can get to know me, can't you?"

"Thanks for the offer, but I'll pass," and grabbing the package he throws it into his carry bag ready to blot. He did not much like having a creepy know it all stalker prying into all his business.

"Oh you handsome ones are always so difficult."

Liam raised an eyebrow slightly amused by her persistence. But his amusement was as far as it went. He'd only ever have eyes for one woman; there was no point in entertaining anything with anyone else.

"Sorry Miss, but I am not interested."

"Oh well I hate that girl, whoever she that is getting that necklace. Won't you even give me your name?"

"Sorry, no such luck today, I'm afraid." He slowly turns making his way through the crowd. He was going to walk towards the area where the river was. He hoped to God that the woman wasn't following him. Suddenly he feels hands coming around his hand and blocking his vision. He gives a startled jump.

"Gotcha," says Margaret, "We were wondering where our beloved got to."

"Yeah," says Samuel, "If we didn't know any better one would say you were avoiding us."

"I just wanted sometime to myself," says Liam managing to break free of Margaret's grasp, "I thought you two could do with some alone time as well."

"Well that was thoughtful of you and all, but the whole reason for this trip was so that we could all spend time together. Don't think for a second that you are a burden," Margaret lectured him.

"Yes," adds Samuel, "Now how would you both like if we took in the sites near the River Nile?"

"That would be nice," says Liam.

"But Samuel," pouts Margaret, "I thought we were going to Giza today, I want to see the Sphinx."

"Not today," says Samuel irritably, "We can go tomorrow. Today we are just sticking to Cairo."

"Yes," Liam adds agreeing with Samuel, "We might as well take in the sights while we're here. Giza can wait and it's so close so there isn't any way we'd avoid going Margaret."

"Okay fine. But if your going to take pictures Liam, will you show me how?"

"Of course," says Liam.

"Shall we," says Samuel motioning for them to walk.

"Well," says Liam winking at Margaret, "I can feel the Nile already calling out to us. The wind is calling our names."

Together the three of them headed in the direction of the river Nile.


	51. Chapter 51

"Please Carla, wont you please let me take Cillian out for the day?" Sophie made a pouty face at Carla. Patrick and her had managed to exchange information before the ship had docked at Port Said. He had contacted her within a day of them arriving in Cairo asking if she would be free to go out. Sophie still convinced that she could not have a decent conversation with a man unless s child were involved, wanted Cillian around to act as a buffer and charm the pants off of Patrick. Carla wanted to put her foot down.

"No Sophie, " you can't just take Cillian as a hanger on for your little date. Imagine how Patrick would feel?"

"Oh he wouldn't mind, honest," Sophie is rummaging through her suitcase and holding up dresses for her date.

"You're only saying that because you think it is what I want to hear," Carla had just finished getting ready and was brushing her hair in front of the mirror, "My answer is no. You can go and enjoy some one on one time with Patrick and besides Cillian does not like the competition when it comes to having your heart."

There was a knock at the door and Carla rushed to open it. Lila and Sarah beamed at them.

"Oh good, you're up," says Sarah. Her voice was always full of hidden negativity.

"Your little Cillian is downstairs right now," adds Lila, "He's charming the pants of the blushing bride to be right this instance"

Carla laughed; her son was so very predictable. Sophie and Carla had met the bride and her family yesterday, they were all very kind, so unlike the type of family she was used to.

"Michel was just wondering what your plans were for the day? He didn't want to knock himself because he was unsure whether you were both decent."

"I am going on my date today," says Sophie glancing at Lila for a second before turning her attention back to the mirror and her pile of dresses.

"Oh how lovely," says Sarah, "And just who are you going on a date with this fine day?"

"Nobody you know," snaps Sophie. Carla is convinced she will pout until she gets her way and is allowed to take Cillian with her on the date.

"His name is Patrick," says Carla, " And they fancy a walk along the river Nile."

"You're joking," says Lila, "How romantic. Whose idea was it?"

"Mine," says Sophie, "I always come up with the most romantic dates Lila."

"Michel and you think so much a like. Sometimes I wonder if you share the same mind," says Lila, "He just suggested that we all walk along the River Nile today and take in all the sites. I bought a camera for it and everything."

"Oh," says Carla, "Well that's a lovely idea. Are we leaving right now?"

"Yes and I hope that it isn't a problem. Michel has so much he wants to show us around before the rehearsal dinner tonight. Plus the parents are getting into Cairo tonight just before hand and he will be rushing all the last minute preparations."

"Mother's room must be perfect," says Sophie finally selecting a dress and climbing into it. Carla went to zip her up, so that her camisole didn't get stuck in anything.

"I guess," Carla, says relenting, "Since we are all heading in the same direction you can take Cillian with you. Just as long as Patrick doesn't mind."

"Really Carla," says Sophie turning around and practically jumping her for a hug, "I promise you won't regret this. I will take perfect care of him and he will have so much fun."

"Alright," Carla responds patting her friends back. She couldn't help think about her best friend from England, this is exactly how Maria Sutherland would act.

"Ladies," they all hear Aaron's voice calling for them down the hall, "Are you all ready to go? Everyone is waiting."

Lila and Mary go out into the hall to meet him and Carla quickly grabs for her purse. For some reason her eyes fall on the ring Liam had given her when they had pretended they were married. She had taken to wearing it on this trip so that Michel would not ask any questions, she grabbed for it immediately sliding it on and following the other two out the door. Sophie frantically collected her belongings the realization that the date was so near was starting to make her edgy. Once she had gotten everything they closed the door and all four women walked down the hall to meet Aaron.

"You know," Aaron tells Carla, "I haven't even scrounged together a decent best mans speech for this wedding."

They group were all now walking along near the River Nile. Sophie had met Patrick as soon as they arrived and taking Cillian with her. Carla walked along the River with Aaron and Joshua. They were just behind Michel, his fiancée Diane, and her sister Emily. Lila, Mary, and a whole slew of other people Carla didn't quite know yet followed.

"You may want to get on that. The wedding is in two days time."

"Oh yes I am well aware. I have tired to write something decent. But I just feel so uninspired. Perhaps all I need is a moment to relax because so far all this trip has been is constant activity."

"True," Carla says nodding her head. She looks out at the great river just admiring the view. She has an urge to paint it.

"Speeches always come so easily for me," Says Joshua, "I always get inspired by the littlest things. Like for your and Lila's wedding, I read this lovely article in the _New York Times_…"

Carla knew where this story was going. He had read the article of the interview she had under her guise Dacia Matheson Barlow and felt so inspired by her quote "everything was beautiful" Carla had been driven to emotion by his speech during the wedding, just stunned that anyone took her words to heart like he had. And she remembers just looking over at Liam, feeling the pressure of his hand, and knowing that whatever it was they were feeling at that moment, it was right. But she had to go an mess things up. If only she had told him the truth from the very beginning he would be with her now. Her eyes glance down at the wedding ring he had given her and she feels like she will cry at any moment.

"-Yep that Dacia woman was so right when she said everything is beautiful. The secret is trying to find a way to make the beauty last," says Joshua.

"Oh I couldn't agree more. Everyday Lila and I try to live by those words," says Aaron then he glances over at Carla walking in between the two, "Are you okay Carla?"

"Oh yes," says Carla doing her best to stop the tears from flowing. She didn't want to ruin anyone's day with all her sad thoughts and regrets about Liam. Peter told her to try and be more positive so she would be. And she had made a promise to find Liam again so there was to be no more pining over him.

Aaron gives her a wink and puts his arm around her giving her a quick hug, "You know we're missing your husband this time around. We have feeling that the two of you together could only ever amount to mischief. I swear you both have that changeable look about you."

Carla gives a quick laugh. Her Liam did have so much fun together at the last wedding; she had never had so much fun in her life. And that was the moment he had told her that he loved her and kissed her hand. That would be one of her most cherished moments ever.

"Oh Liam was so fun," says Joshua, "And very deep. He told me lots of insightful stuff about love while we took breaks from all that crazy dancing."

"Oh really," says Carla. This is news to her and she wants to kick herself, but she needs to know what he said. It was nice to hear other people talk about him; it made her feel strangely close to him, "Like what?"

"Well he said that the first time he ever laid eyes on you there was something so magical about it, like it was a moment stuck in time. That if ever he was to recount the story to anyone, no matter how many times he told it, or how old you both got, whomever heard it would think you to be still that woman so young and fair as the day he met you."

Carla stopped in her tracks, bringing Aaron to a halt with her. This was all just too much; it kills her to think how thoughtful Liam is. That he had felt so much for her at the wedding he had poured out something so utterly beautiful from the depths of his heart, only to have her shatter it all hours later. He had pictured them growing old together, sharing their stories with grandchildren; if a love that was unwavering and she had ruined it all. The tears were coming and this time they could not be stopped.

"Aww," says Aaron, "She's getting emotional. It's alright Carla, you must know by now that is how your husband feels about you."

"Yes. I am sure he must have told you all this countless times. And if he hasn't well now you know and your love is made all the more stronger. It's a shame that he couldn't make to Cairo, Sophie said he had important business."

Carla just bursts into tears. She wants to scream out that it's all lies, that Liam is out of her life forever and it was all her fault. But instead she allows Aaron to hold her in an embrace opting for silence. Why could she never have a single conversation without people mentioning him and reminding her what an absolute idiot she had been in ever letting him go?

"Oh Carla," says Lila now noticing her crying from behind as the group gets closer to the shore, "Are you alright?"

Before Carla can answer they hear an earth-shuttering scream coming from nearby a bunch of people panicking and Carla looks up turning around instantly. For some reason she has just felt a jolt rushing through her body and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"What in heavens name is going on?" asks Lila as a bunch of people makes their way down to the base of the river.

A man passing by answers her, "Someone has fallen in to the river. I'm going down to see if I an help." He continues on ward running and that action snaps Michel, Aaron, and Samuel into action.

They hear a familiar voice crying hysterically.

"Sophie, oh my God Sophie!" says Michel breaking into a run.

Carla immediately stops crying and follows right after him trying to break through the crowds. She hoped that Sophie was alright and further she needed to check on her son. She has a feeling that something isn't right and in a panic as she hears whispers.

"It's a little boy…he fell into the river…"

"But two man jumped in after him, they're swimming with him back as we speak."

"Poor lad I hope he'll be alright."

Carla doesn't now what has come over her, but she breaks into hysterics. It must be Cillian who fell into the river, it must be Cillian who has been hurt.

"CILLIAN!" she shouts as Lila follows at her heels trying to calm her down. Her world is falling apart around her. Finally after what seems like an eternity she finally catches up to Michel who has made it to the front of the crowd.

Sophie is okay but she is crying hysterically, "Oh Car," she says upon spotting her friend, "I turned away for one moment and he just fell in…got too close the edge."

"Where is he?" Carla says, "Where is my baby?" She is going to cry. And then she spots a pair of miniature legs sticking out from behind a figure with broad shoulders and dark brown hair. The figure a man is bending over the child, her child trying to revive him. Carla doesn't even think, as she breaks free from Lila's grasps and rushes towards them.

"Carla, No!"

At that the man turns around staring at her straight in the face. Carla cannot believe her eyes but before she can say anything it is Michel who speaks.

"Liam! Oh my goodness Liam, you made it to Cairo after all."

They do not take their eyes off of one another; they both look like they have just seen a ghost.


	52. Chapter 52

They had gone down to the River right after Liam had bought the necklace. Securing it in his travel bag, and getting out his Panama hat to shield him from the sun, the three of them walked along the River taking pictures and reminiscing about childhood and getting to build new memories together. Margaret was good for pointing out little things they have missed and carried her travel guide around like it was her bible. They had been enjoying themselves immensely.

"Oh look that lovely couple, with their son," said Margaret, "Soon that will be us Samuel, taking our child away on vacation."

Liam observed the couple in front of them, with the little boy. They seemed rather disjointed. The man kept pointing out sites to the lady, while the little boy seemed more preoccupied with playing with toy yoyo. Liam took a snap shot with his camera draped around his neck not giving them another thought before turning to the river. He wanted a good snap shot of the beautiful skyline in the distance.

He took few pictures and aided Margaret when she said that she would like to give it a try as well. He was enjoying the day for what it was, just snapping pictures of people as they walked along. He was thinking of making an album.

The carefreeness of the outing was soon lost, because he heard a blood-curdling scream, like none ever before and looked around. The lady that had been in front of them earlier with the little boy was screaming.

"Patrick, where is he? Where is Cillian?"

"He must have fallen into the water!" the man named Patrick said, "Oh my god!"

"Do something! Somebody do something!"

Liam didn't even give it a second thought; That Patrick fellow seemed worried like he was afraid of the water. Perhaps he couldn't swim, but there was no time to waste. Liam had been an accomplished swimmer in his youth and when someone was in need he was damn well not going to sit by doing nothing. Quickly he removed his camera and carry bag flinging them to the ground. Samuel did the same, exchanging looks of communication that they were going to help the lad. Liam jumped in the river and started to swim as a crowd joined around having been startled by the lady and her screaming.

"Can he swim Miss?" Liam heard Samuel asks the lady.

"No not well, he's only just turned six. Please do something sir."

"I'm on it miss."

Liam hears Samuel pounce into the water after him.

"Be careful both of you," Margaret screams going to stand beside the lady and calm her down.

They swam out Liam's eyes scan the water frantically, he hopes the child has not gone under already.

"Liam," shouts Samuel, "Over here I found him!"

Liam turns around frantically swimming towards the direction of Samuels's voice. He spots his friend who is propping a little boy with dark brown hair and what Liam can't help but notice, exceptionally rosy cheeks.

"Is he breathing?" Liam manages water has been filling up his pipe ways.

"Barely just," says Samuel, "Come take him by the head and I take him by the feet."

Liam grabs hold of the boy's head, supporting the weight of him on his chest. He kicks forward as Samuel leads the way back to the shore. There is a big crowd gathered now and more men looking to help as they arrive back. Crowds of people who have been watching from boats along the river begin to clap. Liam thinks it's a little too early for that.

"Get out of the way, get out of way," says Margaret to the crowd, "They need to put this child down."

Liam and Samuel set the young boy down carefully. He wonders briefly where his parents have gotten to but turns his concern and attention to the matter at hand. He wants to make the boy breath again. Frantically he gets to work remembering his days of first aid training and starts the routine.

He can't help but look at the child and imagine that it is his own. He starts talking to him, only if to give the child comfort and support, to let him know he is not alone, "Come on buddy," he says, "Come on breath for me. You're going to make it. Todays not your day."

"Does he have a name?" Margaret asks the fellow named Patrick while the lady his companion burrows her face in her hands and continues crying.

"Cillian I think…"

"Cillian," says Liam picking up on there conversation, "Hello Cillian, you're gonna have to do me a favor and survive for me won't you?"

"Someone call for an help. We need a doctor immediately," says a random person in the crowd.

"I'll do it," says Samuel, "You stay here with Liam Margaret."

"I'll take you," offers another stranger. There is a doctor who likes to have his drinks at the hotel nearby everyday around this time. Come with me and I'll take you to him."

And Samuel was off, breaking through the crowd.

Liam continues his rhythm of applying pressure to the chest and breathing, "Come now Cillian breathe, breathe now child." He feels almost hopeless; the child is around the same age as his own son is. He could bear it if the child lost his life today. He decides to switch it up, "Cillian your mummy and daddy over there are crying and beside themselves with grief. You got to come back from wherever you are, you can't leave them now; you're much too young to be dying on us."

Margaret joins him, "Come on Cillian. Wake up please," she crouches down near his feet, "Is there anything I can do Liam?"

"Just keep praying Margaret. Look after the lady, won't you? There's not much else I can do but keep on trying until Samuel or somebody else comes back with a doctor." Liam looks at the child again breathing in his mouth and pushing his chest.

The child looked so angelic almost like he was sleeping and for a moment Liam felt an odd feeling come over him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He had this feeling taking form within him and it was so strong. No it couldn't be?

"_I had your son and I gave him away…"_

But the child looks so much like him. He pushed the thoughts out his head because they were distracting him and he continues administering CPR. He needed child to live today.

"Come on Cillian, come on he whispers." He has been in his own world up until this point, so focused on the child he doesn't notice the frantic screaming and crying making it's way through the crowd.

"Oh Car I turned away for one moment and he just fell in…"

"Where is he?"

Liam felt the blood draining from his face. That voice, it couldn't be. It was impossible.

"Where is he? Where's my baby?"

There was no mistaking it. He would know her voice anywhere. He feels as though he is in another world right now. His eyes adjust to the child lying right in front of him. He makes one more attempt, "Breathe Cillian…"

The child's eyes open, like he has heard prayers and right then Liam knows, he knows those blue eyes up staring up at him. There expression so unreadable, so confused, he knows them because they are just like his own. He was holding his own son; he had to be. They were his exact eyes, his exact face actually. How come he hadn't noticed before.

"_I'll find a way to bring you back to me…"_

He had, Liam had literally bought his son back to life, "Cillian," he whispers, "Your name is Cillian?" Liam brings up the child's head for support

The young child nods feverishly, "Mummy, I need my mummy."

"Carla, No!"

Liam is shaking. This is too much for him to take in a the moment. It seems like a dream, a nightmare. He doesn't know what to feel. Slowly he places the child's head back down and turning his head he faces her. Carla, his Carla a vision that is too much for him to behold, all he can do is stare.

He sees it in her eyes the shock and confusion, how she stops midway in her gliding at the sight of him. He still has that effect on her he has rendered her speechless. Her green eyes now incredibly huge and he can see that she is shaking, tongue tied and unable to do anything but look like an utter fool. He wants her to say his name, to make this moment more real because he can't think of what to say to her. There is a realization that she has lied to him, about their son and he feels that she owes him her words in the very least. There is much he wants to say but he cannot find the words.

"Liam," says another voice. He looks over briefly recognizing the face of Michel, the man he had once met at the wedding him Carla crashed in New York, "You made it to Cairo after all."

Liam can't even bring himself to acknowledge Michel at the moment he stares back at Carla just waiting for her to say something. It is making him angry. He thinks fine, if she won't say it then I will. He will say everything she is too afraid to say. He won't let her see his pain or his longing and it the most neutral voice he can muster says,

"Hello Carla. I had no idea you were expecting me."


	53. Chapter 53

**I was really struggling with this chapter, just because I was trying to figure out a realistic way for Liam to respond to the whole situation. I was thinking of having them in another fight and Liam being really hurt, but I decided to go a different route because it don't want any more Liarla fights. Anyways I hope his reaction is realistic enough for everyone.**

**Second I would just like to say thank you all for the fantastic reviews on the previous four chapters. I made sure to reply personally to the reviews that I could but for those I could not like, Kelly and JaydeAliette I just want to say thank you very much. Also just thank you to all of the people that continue to read this story and enjoy it. I appreciate it.**

**~Noeme**

How many different ways can one say, I love you? How many ways can one say, I don't? And how many ways can one say, I've just been too afraid, afraid to love you? These thoughts ran through Carla's head over and over again.

She saw him kneeling there in the sand, his body soaking, and the water running from his hair down his perfectly chiseled face. Carla is speechless, out of air it was as though God had just granted her the remarkable gift of sight. She couldn't tear her eyes away, however greedy and unbecoming it may have seemed, because as the drops of water ran down his flushed cheeks, she thought what it would be like to kiss him in that moment, to let her lips live again. She couldn't look away because what was going on in front of her; unfolding in front of her vey eyes was utter chaos, a wreck, ruins so beautiful yet so strange any other person in her situation would have convinced themselves it never happened.

But it did happen and she had almost lost her son. How could she put into words what she was feeling right now? Only moments earlier her world had come crashing down, threatening to consume her with grief, and just as quickly it promised give her everything, Liam was her everything and he was here right now.

She is useless with words and he knows that, that's why he says it for her. He says those words and she feels he could say anything and she would feel like he was breathing the life back inside her again.

"_Hello Carla. I had no idea you were expecting me."_

But how could he not know? He must know by now how she has always felt about him.

"_I'll wait for you…"_

"_I hope that you'll always wait for me…"_

She'd always love him, she'd always wait for him, and she had been waiting for someone like him her whole life. The time had come for her to tell him so, and on the shore with all the countless people crowding around them just trying to get a good view of what was a very close call for tragedy she says,

"Did you miss me?" She stares at him anxiously; her whole existence depends on his reply. What she really means is _"Do you love me, do you love still?"_

His vivid blue eyes stare back at her earnestly, lost in her his delicate lips part trying to find the right way to respond. It seems an eternity.

'Terribly," he finally says breathlessly, "I've missed you _both_ terribly." He has said, _"Yes." _ He loves them both.

That's all she needs and like air, like it has always been so effortless she plummets into his arms. He doesn't hesitate to accept her it is like second nature. Time doesn't change this, the way they feel about one another. She can feel the heat of him, the softness of his skin and the dampness. Instinctively she takes the carry cloak she had been traveling with, unpinning it from around her neck and draping it around him, they stare at each other the whole time during this action. She can hear his thoughts; he is saying that he will love her, always long to be with her.

"My son…our son…" he says breathlessly.

And there it is, that strange beauty that only Liam could possess. His voice is so tender, so willing to understand. But Carla wants to explain, she wants to make him understand that she never meant to keep Cillian from him.

"Is he breathing?' she says

"He called for you. He called for his mother."

Carla goes to kneel down near their son immediately; stroking his hair and cradling him in her arms. And the tears start to come; they start to really come. She can't believe how well he is handling this; how he won't show that he is hurt or sad. That he won't lash out at her like she deserved, she had made him believe for six years that she gave away their son.

"I didn't mean—Liam, I didn't mean to," she whispers.

"Don't," he says stooping down next her. They might as well be the only people on the shore. No one else matters, all the background noise is blocked out, "Don't say anything."

"But I must," says Carla, "I have to make you understand."

"I already do Carla, I already do understand."

"No," says Carla, "Please Liam, I owe you this. I was afraid; afraid of you and the way you make me feel. And I was so angry that you saw everything inside of me, I wanted to hurt you. But as soon as I said it I wanted to take it back. And I remember the time you told me you couldn't take things back. Not a thought, or words, or a kiss—oh but Liam I wanted to take those words back. I'm so sorry."

She looks at him and watches as he looks down lovely at their son, taking in her words, actually taking them in and letting them enter his heart. And then looking at her he says, "Carla, I forgive you. It's okay I forgive you."

"How can you, it's too much to forgive Liam. I don't deserve it."

"You want to know how it is that I can forgive you?" he says looking up at her with his striking blue eyes and then with a motion of his hand he says, "This," indicating their son Cillian, "This is why I can forgive you."

"You can't—"

"I just did."

She stares at him, this wondrous man, the milk of human kindness in a world full of so much unkindness. Liam was a rare exception. She is utterly consumed by him, after all this time he would always have that effect on her; he was the beauty seeping through all the chaos, through every paintbrush she ever picked up, every warm feeling she had ever had. And he was the strangeness; awing her at every turn with the remarkable ability he had to forgive what so many others could not forgive. She is adamant that she deserve not him, she feels like a horrible human being. He seems to read her thoughts because he whispers,

"You think you say no to the whole world, it's not there to say no to Carla," as he says this his eyes flicker over their son his face marred with so much emotion, "Life's simply too short. Don't say no to me."

How many different ways can one say, I love you? How many ways can one say, I don't? And how many ways can one say, I've just been too afraid, afraid to love you? He wasn't afraid and there was reason she should be. He didn't care, he just wanted to be her and his son, Liam understood. His forgiveness is her saving grace. Slowly she feels the pressure of his fingers as they intertwine with hers, they truly are the only people in the world. They had said they loved each other in so many different ways without even saying the words, but his final plea was for her to show him, to prove to him beyond the words. She would, she wouldn't say no to all those chances ever again. She vowed it, she won't say no to him.

Slowly Cillian starts to stir and come around, and its good thing because the doctor has just arrived.


	54. Chapter 54

Liam gently moved his hands pushing aside the hospital curtain that led into his son's room. He watched as the child lay sound asleep on his mother's chest, Carla had crawled on top of the bed to comfort him. He listened as she hummed to their sleeping child in the most angelic of melodies. How could he describe the scene unfolding in front of him? It was simply the most strangely beautiful things he had ever seen. He didn't know if he should be there, he felt stuck and out place in a position where he was unable to stay but unable to go. Liam wanted to be with them more than anything. He just didn't want to frighten Cillian or make Carla uncomfortable, if the child asked questions.

Slowly his hands drop getting ready to stop the curtain peering into their lives and clear his head when he hears a voice.

"You should go in there, you know?"

Liam turns around to see Sophie standing with two cups of Coffee in her hand, a sort of peace offering she extends one out to him nervously. For some reason she is under the impression that Liam is angry with her for what happened to Cillian today, but Liam has assured her that this wasn't the case. He knew mistakes happened and that events occurred for a reason. Fate had offered him a big blow today day, but it also gave him a gift. He had thought Carla gave their son away, but she had not, because she could never give away something so precious, that is apart him, something that was apart of both of them.

"I know," Liam, says accepting her coffee graciously even though he wasn't in any need of it. He took a sip just to ensure her sad eyes wouldn't look anymore anxious or defeated.

"Then why aren't you?"

"I think—I don't want to scare him. He'll wake up and wonder who the hell I am and Carla doesn't need that right now."

"You're always looking out for her," whispers Sophie coming to his side and shifting the curtain to peak inside along with him, "From all the stories she has told me about her time with you—all the qualities, that's what I admire the most. You have this remarkable ability to be so considerate, unlike most men in todays world."

Liam smiles and shrugs his shoulders watching Carla who is still totally oblivious she has an audience as she strokes Cillian's dark brown hair and continues humming.

"She wished to see you again, you know. She put a message in a bottle and everything …cast it out to sea. I told her everything would fall into place eventually."

Liam takes a deep breath, clearing the lump in his throat. He feels compelled to speak, to say anything at all. Sophie was right; things fell into place for both of them eventually, "I never got to see him be born." His voice is full of emotion and his body starts to shake a little.

"Oh Liam, I'm so sorry," sighs Sophie putting her hand on his shoulder and rubbing it affectionately.

Liam didn't need her sympathy; he wasn't going for sympathy at all he just needed someone who would listen, if only for a moment to understand the awe in this situation. Taking a deep breath he continues, "I never got to see him be born. And it used to bother me, make me sad all the time Sophie. But as I was holding him on the shore today, it was like—like I was watching every step being played out in reverse. I was watching the opposite of a birth, I was meeting my own son for the very first time and I was watching him die."

"But he's alive Liam, he's going to be okay."

"I know. I just find that God or whoever is up there decides to send one a message happens in the strangest of ways. Before I even knew he was mine and I was breathing the life back into him, I had this feeling, I had these hopes for him. I wanted him to make it off that shore alive and then I wanted all his dreams whatever they may be, I wanted them to all come true."

Sophie is silent but she gives him a reassuring nod indicating that she is listening to him. So he continues,

"It's like whatever power is up there decided to give me that chance, to hold him, to wish things for him like his mother got to; the way ever mother gets to the day their child born. And Sophie, I couldn't be more thankful."

"You've had along day, lots of things have happened. I still can't even wrap my head around all of it Liam. But I find there isn't any point in trying to understand it all you should just go with it. God does work in mysterious ways "

"Everything is beautiful right?" says Liam stealing a side glance at Sophie, his onset tears vanished and his eyes now twinkling."

Sophie gives him a grin, "Oh that Dacia Matheson, she is one smart woman, isn't she?"

"She sure is."

"She's lucky to have you, and you her. You both better not fight or let anything come between you this time."

"Is that an order?" says Liam getting back into the step of things and teasing his old friend like he had at Lila and Aaron's wedding. He had been astounded and surprised to see her, Michel and just about everyone again in Cairo.

"Yes," she says, "It is a direct order. And besides everybody thinks you're married still, even though you were never married to begin with but that's a whole other story."

Liam opens his mouth to speak, to ask her how she knew they lied about being married at the wedding but is blocked by her hand.

"Oh Liam, Carla told me the whole story. How you said you were going to give her a chance to see what it would like married to you for a day. It's a very sweet story if I do say so myself; But you don't need to pretend anything around me, now Michel, he's another story. You are perfectly fine to keep up the charade with him for as long as please."

"I want to make things as easy for Carla as possible," says Liam although part of him is secretly pleased that Carla has continued the lie on as long as she has, "Maybe one day we will actually be married."

"What did I tell you about maybes?" says Sophie sternly, "Remember the last time we had this conversation I told you the word is too indecisive. How about saying that you will?"

"I will," says Liam, "One day_ I will_ actually marry her."

"Good," responds a satisfied Sophie and then looking at the nearest clock she says, "it's getting late and Michel and everyone else is waiting, the rehearsal dinner is tonight and the parents are coming in by train. Even your two friends from England are still waiting, what are their names again?"

"Samuel and Margaret Wellington."

"Yes them, they are also in the waiting room wondering how you are. They don't want to leave without you, or at least without knowing that you'll be okay. Will you come out with me?"

Liam is peering through the curtain at Carla and Cillian again, "No," he says, "There is only one place I should be and that's here with my child and his mother."

"Smart man," Sophie gives him one last smile and a quick squeeze on the arm, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Liam opens the curtain wider stepping into the room and making his presence known. Carla who has being singing softly to their sleeping child looks up immediately. Her eyes are radiant as she scans him. She has the look like this is all a dream and moves to get up and go to him. But Liam stops her shaking his head.

"Stay," he whispers, "Stay like that. You won't want to wake him." Slowly he walks to the head of the bed standing near Carla and looking over her shoulder admiring her and their child. He looked so precious, so very precious and she so utterly beautiful.

Slowly Carla shifts on the bed to make room for him so that he can sit behind her. He does and lets the weight of her rest on his chest. He can feel the calmness of her breathing and it helps to calm his anxiety as well.

"I could stare at him forever," he whispers completely blown away by how innocent their Cillian is, just sleeping with not a care in the world.

"He looks exactly like you," Carla remarks and then taking a deep breath she says, "Don't you just wish we could stay like this forever?"

"What makes you think we can't?"

"It all seems to good to be true. I never thought—I never thought I would see you again. But oh dear God, I sure hoped that I would."

"And now," Liam whispers like déjà vu all over again, "Now you have seen me."

"What's next?"

"We'll be together, live together like not a day has gone by since we've been apart."

She smiles up at him her eyes alive at his answer, "I love you Liam," she whispers taking his hand and clasping it in hers.

"I know," he says leaning to kiss the top of her head, "I love you and Cillian both."

"Where do you suppose we should go? I wouldn't want to be in New York anymore. I just want to be somewhere different than England or America. I want something that could be a fresh start for all of us. Nothing to get in our way anymore."

"You ask me where were going and I point to the ocean," Liam says grinning.

"That song," says Carla remembering and laughing, "You're always the charmer aren't you? But I'm serious Liam, where should we go?"

"Morocco," Liam blurts out, "That's were I live now. No one could get us from there."

"Do you like it there? I would go anywhere with you. The only problem is Giulia, she will hate to move again, especially to another place that isn't like Paradise Palace."

"If the problem is a palace, I could easily build another one."

"I wouldn't allow it," says Carla, "I just want you. I don't care about anything else."

"And I just want to give you everything you deserve. You deserve more than anyone to be happy. I want Giulia to be happy, because I know it will make you feel better. So if it's a palace she wants, it's a palace you both will all get."

"Oh but it will be very hard and so much work-and money!"

"You really think building a palace will be hard Carla?"

"Don't you?"

"Not at all. Not once you got the basics down. Building a home is so much more than the structure; it's more about the memories we create to fill the spaces. I think about my childhood, all those houses and not a memory worth remembering in any of them."

"Mine to," whispers Carla understanding him perfectly.

" Building a palace is nothing, constructing a paradise is a whole other thing. But I promise, it will different for them. It will different for Cillian and Giulia. We won't be like our parents or any of our ancestors; just obsessed with the exterior, never giving any thought as to the things that should be present inside."

"I suppose," Carla agrees, "But I think we have everything we need in order to live in an endless paradise, something that was absent from the Palace in England itself."

"And what's that?"

"You," Carla says, "We have you."

Liam lets another smile form across his lips; his insides are bursting. He does not say anything for a while but then he whispers, "Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise to never run away from what we have again. No matter how tough it gets, or whether or not you hate me some days and I hate you on others, promise you won't run anymore."

"I promise," Carla whispers and then repeating with more conviction, "I promise."

He kisses her head once more, his eyes roaming over their son again. He silently makes a promise to her himself. He will build her the most beautiful palace in the world and he will make sure to fill every room with beautiful memories, happiness, and most importantly love. He didn't want her to ever wake up and feel trapped again. Closing eyes, because now he is getting tired Liam envisions her, his Carla roaming freely through the halls of the house he would build for her, painting in the garden he would plant for her, being seen and heard; treasured for all the beauty that she was, the beauty that comes from within.

He remembers what he read in The Times interview when she explained why she painting. She had said,

"_I paint because it is paradise for me… a release, an expression if you will, for all that has been lost."_

Nothing would make him happier to see her painting in the palace he would build for her, and she wouldn't have to try an recapture any of the moments or try to recreate the past. He would give her new memories, a place that was truly worthy of containing them, an endless paradise.


	55. Chapter 55

**With this chapter I am taking a bit of a different approach. It's all about the events leading up to the beginning of the story explaining why Carla first left Antony in January of 1920 and went to London for five months. Basically it is Carla writing down all that she recalls in a letter to Liam. This is her way of turning a new leaf and showing him she won't keep any more secrets. **

**Again thank you for the reviews/ all the twitter love. I hope you all enjoy.**

**~Noeme**

Carla doesn't know why, but that night as she lay with Liam and Cillian on the hospital bed she dreamt of Antony. Perhaps it was because Paradise Palace had flooded her consciousness. But when she woke, Carla was determined not to let the memories get the best of her. Antony wasn't in control anymore and for so long, she had allowed even the memory of him to drive a wedge between her and those she loved. But not today, today she wasn't going to let him win or ruin her happiness. Carla wasn't going to let herself screw up ever again. The first thing she thinks to do is grab for a pen and paper in the nearby sitting chair. Slowly she gets up off of Liam and raises Cillian up a bit. Kissing them both on the forehead, she falls into the sitting chair.

Carla wants to truthful to Liam about everything. And she is going to prove it to him, by telling him everything. He promised that he would build her a palace one day and that they could fill each room with memories. The thought and gesture of such an action warmed her heart, because Carla remembers the permanent chill of the old Palace, how each room was vacant or filled with sinister memories. She wanted to Liam know all about it, and the reason she first left the palace. Taking a deep Carla looks down at the paper pen in hand and starts writing. She figures it best to tell him first about what happened January of 1920.

_Carla glides through the halls of the Palace up the grand staircase walking towards the master bedroom. It is chilly outside because it is January and she calls out for her servant Mary immediately. She needs to take a bath before Antony gets home; his mood has so been unbearable lately._

"_Mrs. Gordon," says Mary appearing in the doorway with linens and other attire to be folded, "You called?"_

"_Yes Mary," says Carla walking over to her dresser and sitting down. She begins to take out her emerald earrings, an apology gift from Antony and unpin her hair. "Would you draw me a bath? I must look decent for Antony, he received a telegram from his father the other day and it has him in such a foul mood."_

"_I've noticed Mrs. Gordon," says Mary._

"_His father is threatening to cut him off again. Nothing ever seems to pleases Alasdair. He always expects excellence and nothing less."_

_Mary walks over to Carla helping her to take out the remaining hair pins and brushes her hair, "You'd think that being a doctor would be the very definition of excellence."_

_Carla lets out a sigh. She was not looking forward to seeing her husband this evening. He was likely to be explosive as always when it came to issues concerning his father. Alasdair Gordon was decidedly shrewd when it came to his son and Antony's decision not to partake in the family business. But in the same note, he also encouraged Antony to make a name outside of his diamond inheritance. Alasdair was a man of contradictions and he brought out the worst in his son. Carla often noticed how Antony couldn't seem to stand the sight of him. Antony always had an air about him, like somehow he was indebted to his father and despised him for it. Carla had heard rumors that Alasdair had been covering up his son's bad behavior and various indiscretions for years, but she never pried for details. No one tell her if she asked anyways, her own father made it a habit to ignore such inquires._

_Once Mary has finished brushing Carla's hair she goes to set the fireplace and circulate the heat throughout the room. "Mrs. Gordon, you're looking so thin lately. You must eat, put some meat on those bones or you'll catch a sickness. There's only so much the fireplace can do. Perhaps I should get out your wool drape around, you could wear it to dinner."_

"_Antony doesn't like me wearing those baggy clothes Mary, you know that," Carla scolds her servant, "Besides that's no way to dress for dinner."_

"_And he doesn't like you to eat either Miss," remarks Mary. She knows all about Antony's vicious behavior, "I wonder, would he have you starve yourself to death? Would that please him? I find it sick how he likes to make you suffer."_

_Carla doesn't want to talk about it. She just wants the night to go smoothly without any problems. She was having the cooks prepare an extravagant meal to cheer Antony up as she spoke. She just hoped that it would ready on time. "Go and draw my bath Mary, " Carla commands. _

_Mary shoots off to the bathroom and turns on the tub. There is a knock at the bedroom door._

"_Come in," says an irritable Carla. She is becoming quite anxious. Immediately the door opens and Libby the housekeeper is standing with a young servant of about fifteen years of age. She was a recent hire; Carla did not know her by name yet but noticed that she was very pretty for her young age. "What is it?" Carla snaps._

"_Sorry to bother you Mrs. Gordon," says Libby, "But there has just been an incident down in the dinning area with this one here, "Libby motions to the young servant dragging her over by the elbow to face Carla._

"_What sort of incident?" says Carla losing her patience; she never did have much of it where Libby was concerned, "Come on now, I haven't all day. Tonight's an important dinner."_

"_Yes, of course Mrs. Gordon. Believe me I wouldn't bother you unless it was something important. But this one here has been slacking in her duties for days. And today was the last straw. I caught her just sitting around staring off into space just neglecting her tasks. She was supposed to be polishing the silverware!"_

_Carla examined the servant girl noticing her sad eyes and immediately she took pity. The truth was, the girl sort of reminded Carla of herself, she had sad eyes and always looked afraid. Carla gives Libby a look of disdain before turning back to the young girl, "What's your name dear?"_

"_S-Susan," the young girl stammers before realizing it was incorrect protocol, "Susan Myles, Miss."_

"_You can leave us," says Carla curtly to Libby, "I can handle her by myself."_

_Libby bows out leaving immediately._

"_What's the meaning of this?" says Carla in a gentle tone she was going to be compassionate because she felt for the girl, "Why are you neglecting your chores?"_

_The young girl is hesitant to speak trying to decide on her words and then just as quickly opting not to. So Carla tries again._

"_Everyone has there off days. Is this just and off day Miss. Myles? If it is I completely understand and am more than willing to let this slide."_

_Again the girl does not answer, she looks at Carla with hollow eyes, and the look is so familiar it is chilling. It makes Carla uncomfortable._

"_Why were you sitting all day Miss. Myles? Even you must know that is unacceptable especially when a woman like Libby who is well into her sixties is always up and about."_

"_I was sore Mrs. Gordon," the girl finally says in a shaky voice, "I was sore all over. It hurts to walk."_

"_Perhaps you should have taken a day of bed rest," says Carla. What the girl says next startles her._

"_I never want to lay in a bed again."_

_A shiver spreads throughout Carla's body an uneasy feeling overcoming her. And then she notices it, the marks peering out from under Susan's long sleeved dress. They are unmistakable and without thinking Carla grabs for the girls arm pulling her close. The girl lets out a gasp._

"_Mrs. Gordon!"_

"_What are these?" says Carla pushing up the sleeves but she knows the answer and the familiar marks. She whispers answering her own question, "Chinese burns, these are Chinese burns. Who did this to you?" Carla has a feeling she already knows the answer; it was Antony. He had given them to Carla enough times for her to know his technique and the way bruised ones arm._

_It is written all over the girls face and Carla is horrified. She is disgusted with her husband he was a monster. And now she started putting two and two together, the girl said she had been sore, sore all over. Carla lets out a small cry dropping the girls arm immediately. It is just enough to alert Mary who comes bustling out into the main area._

"_Is everything all right Mrs. Gordon?"_

_Carla can't pry her eyes away from the young girl and the familiar look of terror, left by a person that had clearly been violated and raped. Antony had caused the same expression to take route in her a long time ago, her uncle had caused to. It is this that makes Carla's sorrow turn into anger. She ignores Mary looking at the girl she says, "Nod once for yes and twice for no?"_

_Carla wanted the girl to tell her the truth but she didn't want to endanger her any further. The girl understands what she is asking and slowly nods her head once. A fury sweeps over Carla because Antony is a monster, pure evil. She knew he was depraved, but to put his hands on a girl of fifteen, put him on a whole other level. Almost immediately she thinks of their daughter Giulia. What if Antony one day harmed her? What if he already had? The thoughts were unbearable, but they make her snap into action. She has to get out of this palace, this prison once and for all. It wasn't about her anymore, or what she could endure. If Antony was raping servant girls and beating them, what was stopping him from beating Giulia in the very least? He already enforce upon their daughter a domineering regime of education and religious devotion._

"_Mary may you please take Susan to the guest bedroom and draw her a nice warm bath. Also bring up some food from the kitchen, make sure she gets something hot in her belly."_

"_But Mrs. Gordon, I still have to help out with last minute preparations for the dinner—"_

"_Forget it. There will be no dinner."_

"_Mrs. Gordon—"_

"_Just do as I say Miss Matheson!" Carla snaps and then quickly recovering looks over at the young girl, "Susan will you please go with Mary. She will get you anything you need, you have the rest of the evening off." _

_Susan had tears running down her face now and nodded her head solemnly. Mary stopped protesting and followed her out. Carla was left alone for a moment she got lost in her thoughts. What was she going to do when Antony got home? She wanted to just start packing and be gone by then, by looking at the clock she sees that there is no way she can escape on time. And for the sake of that poor young girl who had no voice, Carla felt compelled to confront him. To be her voice, to be the voice Carla never had growing up. She stares off into the mirror and decides she will wait, as long as it takes, she will wait to confront him. She stares at the reflection of the door counting down the minutes until Antony will appear._


	56. Chapter 56

**Okay so this is my longest chapter yet. It is a continuation of the letter Carla wrote about the incident in January of 1920. This will be the conclusion to that incident and probably the last chapter I will write for this story implementing the flashback technique. Also this chapter is pretty dark and has a lot of violence. But I felt it necessary to really capture just how evil Tony is, so readers you have been warned.**

**As always thank you lovely readers for the reviews. I seriously love all of you. Thank you for continuing to read my story.**

**~Noeme**

Liam woke with a start immediately realizing Carla was no longer with him and he started to panic. He couldn't bear to be away from her again, afraid that at any moment if he took his eyes off of her she somehow be lost to him forever. But then He looked down and saw that Cillian was still sleeping peacefully, his little face nestled snuggly against Liam's chest; Liam began to calm down. Perhaps Carla just went to get fresh air or something. He rolls over a bit to stay close with Cillian when he hears a sort of crunching noise. Quickly looking over his shoulder he sees a few pieces of paper sticking out from underneath is backside near the pillow area. He grabs for them out of curiosity reading the first page immediately. It is Carla's writing:

_**I hope you don't mind but I thought I'd sneak out and see what I could get us for breakfast. You looked so lovely and peaceful sleeping, I thought it cruel to wake you from your dream.**_

Liam grinned to himself shifting up in the bed but still making sure to support Cillian's head. The child was such a deep sleeper; he did not so much as stir. Liam continued reading.

_**I promise I will back soon, but in the meantime while your waiting I've left something for you to read. The last time we fought; you said I kept secrets from you and of course you were right. You should have hated me like any man would for revealing what I had about keeping Cillian from you, about that 'habit from childhood' but you didn't because you seem to have this remarkable ability to love me unconditionally. **_

_**You know that expression, "To know me is to love me." I think that you must; well I think it is time that I tell you something, something else that is dark and horrible. I don't want to keep any secrets from you, I want you to know everything, the good and the bad; I want you to know me and to love me. And I need you to know that I love you, and it is because I love you I can't be selfish with you anymore **_

_**I need to tell you about my time at the Palace with Antony, what transpired in the months before I finally met you. But I can't yet bring myself to say the words without crying, so I figured it best to write them down, write all that has happened and hope that you will still love me after you know what I'm about to tell you.**_

Liam took a deep breath and slowly placed the first page down on the bed and then looking at the second he began to read.

_Carla didn't pry her eyes away from the reflection of the door. She sat at her dresser just tapping her fingers to the ticking of the clock waiting for the monster to appear. She was nervous but she couldn't back down, she had to be brave, she had to confront him about the horrible thing he had done. She takes a cigarette from the packet lying on the dresser slowly lighting it to calm her nerves. Carla only ever smoked when she needed calming, but it is not working because her hand struggles to keep steady every time she takes a drag._

_She watches as the door handle turns slowly taking some of her fleeting courage with it but Carla won't be afraid, Antony can't do anything worse to her that he hasn't already done before. She had to speak up. It was now or never. Carla had to find her voice._

"_What is this?" says Antony staring at her from the reflection of the mirror. _

_The room has filled with her cigarette smoke and gives him an eerie and allusive affect; like he is a phantom come to haunt her in this room He seems even more sinister than normal, it sends chills through her spine. Carla takes one last drag quickly placing the cigarette on a nearby ashtray and grabbing for a napkin to smug off her red lipstick. She finally was ready._

"_Caroline, what is this?" says Antony again stepping further into the room and closing the door, "Why the fuck aren't you dressed proper? This isn't a whorehouse, you know."_

_He sure treated this palace like it was a whorehouse, having his pick of whatever innocent girl he liked._

"_I didn't know I gave off that impression Tony," says Carla boldly, " And besides I am only wearing my camisole. I didn't know that was a crime."_

"_What did you just call me?" Antony ignores her first remark zeroing in on the rule she has just broken. He is ready for the attack._

_Carla glares at her husband in the mirror throwing the lipstick stain napkin to the side, "I called you Tony." She knew he didn't like it but she doesn't care. She wasn't going to let him bully her._

_Antony's eyes bulged with sinister evil and anger, "Say it again," he whispers slowly walking towards her, "Go on…say it again. I dare you."_

_Carla watches from the mirror as he gets closer and closer she watches his large hands extend over her shoulder and violently jerk her around. She lets out a gasp, she had provoked him and he was sure to make her pay._

"_Well if isn't a little slut," he says now gripping her jaw so that she can look directly into his brown eyes, so that she can see all that he will inflict on her, "That's what you are isn't it? A slut, a whore, only whores prance around in red lipstick and camisoles. No lady does that, my mother never did that?"_

"_You never knew your mother," says Carla trying to steady her shaking voice, " I was trying to get ready, to look nice."_

"_Oh act all innocent now you little bitch but I see you," Antony sneers, " You were trying to provoke me. You always provoke me. I tell you to call Antony and you deliberately call me Tony. I tell you I don't like for you to smoke, you sneak cigarettes behind my back anyways. I tell you to behave and all you do is disobey."_

_Carla violently jerks her chin from his grip, pulling his hands away from him, "That's the problem Tony, all you ever do is tell me how to live my life. I don't tell you how to live yours. You can't keep me here anymore."_

_Antony lets out a chilling laugh, "Oh it talks," he says mocking her, "It has thoughts and opinions," Antony laughs some more and then just as quickly his voice goes stern again, "What are you on about? You can't afford to tell me how to live my life Caroline."_

_This was Carla's opening, the time to strike, "Apparently not husband, you do what you want, raping young girls left right and center, don't you?"_

_Antony was taking aback shifting back from his domineering stance for an instant completely speechless. The realization spread over his face that she had found out what he did to Susan Myles and he was momentarily wounded in his mocking of her. But just as quickly he recovered and his eyes angry once more he slaps Carla across the face with such a force it nearly knocks the wind out of her. She staggers on her dresser chair for a moment before steadying herself and looking at him. She vows not to cry as her fingers touch her split lip. If he wanted to shut her up, he was going to have to try harder than that. She moves to get up from the chair and with great force Antony moves to push her down again._

"_You little bitch," he hisses in her face, "You think you can just say that to me and walk away? Huh, Caroline is that what you think?"_

"_You didn't deny it," Carla musters, "You didn't deny that you rape young women like you rape me!"_

"_I don't rape you! You're my fucking wife and don't you dare forget it. It's my right! I can do what I like with you, by law and by land, and by the church and everything else in this world. Don't you dare to try me, or you shall see just how horrible I can be!"_

_Carla takes a big gulp staring up at Antony is disgust. She has to get out of here for good. With all her strength she throws his hands, his grip off of her and says, "No you won't. Not any more! You won't hurt anyone anymore!" She sees and opening and bloats for the door prying it open and frantically running down the hall. It's now or never and her first thoughts are for Giulia. She begins to call out to her daughter, "Giulia! Giulia baby, where are you?" Carla can hear Antony's footsteps following her and then the grip of his hand on her wrist._

"_Where do you think you're going Caroline?" he says yanking her hair and pulling her into the nearest room. It is one of many guest rooms in the palace._

_Carla tries everything she can to escape his grip clawing at him like a maniac but he just laughs and grips her all the more tight before plummeting her onto the spare bed and throwing the door closed. Carla is out of breath still wondering where Giulia was and thinking of only getting her daughter and leaving._

_Antony stares down at her, a look of pure delight plastered on his face as he walks over to her and sits beside her on the bed. Gently he picks up her arm and Carla recoils at his touch, trying not to think of how dirty it makes her feel. But it only makes him grip her arm harder, "I remember these," Antony says in a sick voice as he examines the many old scars he has left on her arms, "I like that they leave a mark, don't you Carla? Lets people know whose property you are. You're mine dear Carla, all mine."_

_He has now switched back to calling her Carla which can only mean one thing he is going rape her. He often switched to calling her Carla just before he brutalized her, it reminded her of that sick uncle and she thought he must know that. Carla had confided in him when they first married, when she actually thought she could trust him. He now used the information against her every chance he got, "Your sick, you are."_

_Antony smirks, "Not as sick as you Carla." It was just another thing he knew about her, the hysteria and smiling down on her, he caresses her cheek; "So you think you're leaving me now, do you?"_

"_I am," says Carla her voice betraying the onset of tears. She hates him so much._

"_Aww," Antony laughs, "Oh that mind of yours has some crazy thoughts. Will have to just get rid of them now won't we Carla? What was it your father used to do, to stop you telling lies, hmm?"_

_Carla's mind quickly scans over the memories of her father making her stand in front of the mirror while he pointed out all her imperfections, all the ways she had failed him and she shutters. _

"_Your Auntie Barbara once told me you liked to make outrageous claims about men forcing themselves on you. You accused her husband of doing the same, didn't you?"_

"_I was fourteen, I know what he did."_

"_But she didn't believe you, did she? He took it all away, those dreams of dancing in the Russian Ballet, your sanity," and pausing briefly Antony's face moves over her body, "Your innocence. Everyone thought you were crazy, you're father knew you were crazy. What did he say to you again, dear Carla?"_

"_Fuck you," Carla says weakly through tears. She hated Antony; she hated him for torturing her with all that he knew about her upbringing._

"_No that's not it," he says delicately taking strains of Carla's hair as she lay on the bed his virtual prisoner, "He said you must shut your eyes and endure."_

_Carla cries remembering how her father didn't believe her when she said her uncle had harmed her, how he had shut up and told her never to mention her such things to her mother. She remembers how she told him it wasn't fair and how he told her that that was life that sinners must live with the consequences and she must endure all the horrible things that came her way because of her sins. _

_Her Auntie Barbara had more money than the Donovan's and had always help her father Mark out during financial difficulties. But Carla's confession ended all hospitality and handouts from Barbara. Her father didn't want to look her, he sent her away until she was deemed useful to him in gaining a profit. He had told her the day he came to pick her up from the asylum in 1911, that she owed him for all the trouble she caused. Apparently that meant selling her to monster, though Carla didn't know that at the time. She was naïve and smitten with the man who would be her husband, certain she would finally be free of her father. But nothing ever turns out how one imagines it. She left one prison only to enter another._

"_I was fourteen," Carla says pitifully, "I was much too young. I didn't deserve it." She doesn't even know why she is trying to appeal to Antony's soul. It was clear he did not have one anymore._

"_And she was fifteen, that Susan girl. And that friend at Maries engagement gala, she was nineteen, Laura the girl I knew from my days in school she was seventeen."_

_Carla can't stop crying she wishes he would stop, that he stops revealing his ugliness, "Stop, stop," she sobs._

_Antony ignores her, "Maria Sutherland's cousin Marianne she must have been sixteen. Poor girl doesn't remember a thing. And my favorite, " Antony now cups Carla's head bringing her body forward against his chest and continues to caress her hair, "My favorite was the maid at the hotel…1910 she tired to leave me, tried to stop me, had it in her mind she was going tell everyone. You want to know what I did to her?"_

_Carla doesn't answer, she is just buying time trying to figure out a way to break free of him. If she could just punch him in the stomach and run for the door, she could get some help. She would scream for Mary or Libby, anyone._

_Antony now cups her chin so she can look into his dark soulless eyes, "You want to know what I did to her darling? I beat her so bad; they couldn't even recognize her once they found her the following morning. I would have killed her to, but I let her do that in her own time eventually."_

_Carla wants to recoil at the thought of Antony taking pleasure in a young woman's suicide._

"_You women, you're all the same… it happened in here you know, with Susan. She said she didn't want it just like you. But the thing is you do want it, all you women do. You just like to put on show, play hard to get. But Carla darling, I won't be denied, you're my favorite."_

"_I'm your wife," screams Carla hysterically, "Not your little play thing."_

"_That's where your wrong sweetheart," he whispers now in her ear, "You're all my little playthings. I do what I like when I like and when I'm done I discard you because it pleases me, because I can."_

"_Who are you?" says Carla her eyes wide and full of disbelief. Antony is the devil incarnate._

"_You women always want to play the fool. You think you can just up and walk away, take whatever you like? You think you have a right to think for yourself? You're mine Carla, I own you! You're not going anywhere until I say you do."_

"_You're wrong," says Carla now realizing things are bound to get more dangerous from here. She has to leave, "I'm not a little doll, I won't be played with. You can't silence me anymore. I'm leaving you and taking Giulia with me." Now it is time to act and with all her strength Carla slowly raises her hand and aims for his stomach, but he is too quick sensing her calculated move. Antony it seemed had a way of knowing everything before it happened. He was very calculating and smart._

_Anger overcomes him again and like never before her yanks her by her head of hair, "You just don't learn. You think you're leaving me darling, I fucking don't think so." He drags her towards the bathroom switching on the light. Carla's kicking and screaming does nothing to help her situation._

_Carla wonders what he is going to do next. He throws her against the base of the tub her head smashes into it and throbs with pain. She lets out a scream._

"_The maid, I beat her black and blue in that pretty little face of hers. It was out near the lake of the hotel Caroline," Antony says rummaging through the cupboards and retrieving a bottle, "She just wouldn't stop screaming. So I held her under the water, trying knock some sense into her. She kept on flapping around like an idiot, and I realized that if I should ever do something like that again I would have to do it right."_

_Carla's vision is blurry as she stares up at her husband watching as he unscrews the bottle and retrieves a handkerchief from his coat pocket, raising it to the bottle and letting it soak through. _

_Antony continued talking, "She thought she could destroy me Carla, and I wasn't going to let that happen. But as she flapped around I decided I didn't have it in me to kill a person. So I just beat her until I felt better," he smirks in her direction, "But I see now no amount of beating will make you sense. I gave you everything, a grand home, all the money in the world at your disposal. Hell most people would say you are living in a virtual paradise."_

"_It's not my kind of paradise," says Carla weakly, she now reaches behind her head trying to stop the pain when she looks and sees blood all over the tile. She is trying to fight with words but Antony doesn't care._

"_Well that's just it isn't it? I couldn't possibly make you any happier. So what else is there left to do?"_

"_Let me leave?"_

"_Oh you're asking now? To late."_

"_What do you want from me?' Carla cries._

"_I wanted you to shut up and endure like every other wife does. I don't care if you have eyes or ears, I don't need you comment on what I do. I wanted you to just be grateful, because darling I gave you a fucking a palace! This marriage virtually saved your families life it kept the Donovan coffers flowing. It let Mark Donovan live to see another day in sun. And what do I get in return? I get you crying every two seconds about how I'm horrible to you, and I make you live in a fucking prison. You don't know how lucky you are. I all wanted was a nice wife that shut her mouth and behaved like a good girl. I didn't ask much, Carla." He reaches over her handkerchief in hand as he turns on the faucet to the tub, plugging the drain and watching the water rise slowly. Then kneeling down in front of Carla he stares at her with expressionless eyes. They were no longer marred with his disappointment but they seemed content._

"_You asked too much of me Antony," Carla whimpers, "You wanted me to be perfect, everyone wants me to perfect in order to love me. Is that love, Antony? That isn't my kind of love."_

"_Oh Carla," says Antony looking at her like she was a pitiful creature, "Maybe you really are a fool after all. Don't you understand? That it's my kind of love, the only sort of love there is… conditional love."_

"_B-but," says Carla her voice now shaking so horribly at the true nature of her husband, "B-but you loved me once, didn't you?" She doesn't know why it mattered so much, but she remembers how he used to have some kindness in him. He used to care for her in the beginning. She didn't want everything she lived to be have been a complete lie._

"_Far too long ago for it to matter anymore," he whispers and then giving a great sigh says, "I thought you could be happy in paradise, but I guess that's just not the case. Perhaps it's just that you can't be happy here, so because of the love I bare our daughter I am willing to give you another paradise."_

"_You're going to let me leave?"_

"_Yes sweet beautiful Caroline, but not alive," before she can resists Antony shoves the clothe against her face._

_Carla has no other option but to engulf the fumes and as soon as she does she feels her limbs start to go immobile. She can't resist as Antony's arms pick her up and place her into the tub with the water flowing all around her. He turns the faucet up a little; the water is at Carla's waist. He wants it to rise faster; the tears run down her face, Antony is going to drown her._

"_What do you think I should tell her, our Giulia?" Antony says as he perches down to the level of the tub resting his chin on the ledge beneath his hands. He watches the water rise with fascination, "Should I say you feel asleep in the tub? Or maybe you just couldn't deal with a world in which I didn't love you anymore."_

_Carla is unable to speak; her voice is gone inhibited by whatever it is he made her inhale. He attempts at speaking just making a queasy congested sound. She looks down at the water it is raising up her torso._

"_I'm sorry it had to end like this. But I can't stand the thought of you ever leaving, and taking my daughter I couldn't allow it. I'd have to kill you before I ever let you live a life without me. Giulia will understand, she will. I gave you everything and all you want is nothing, so what choice do I have but to give you nothing."_

_Carla can only blink at him and listen to his sick rationalizing._

"_I'll have her light a candle in chapel for you every year on this day my darling. And she pray to saint John the Evangelist, he'll help her with the grief. And when she asks where you are; I'll tell her you exist in that endless paradise for the dead. It was the only paradise that would do. And our Giulia looks so much like you, so you'll never really be gone," Antony now cusps Carla's immobile hands in his own and kissing them._

_The water is getting to her neck. Carla just heaves now looking straight ahead._

_Antony now starts to cry, "You make me do these things Caroline. I wish you wouldn't but I can't have you threatening me. I can't have these problems that you bring. You're so unstable ever since the days in the asylum and it wears me out. I'm only one man; there is only so much I can deal with. I can't do everything."_

_They always made it seem like she was the problem, her father, Antony, but they were wrong. It was them who were the problem. Carla wants to prove him wrong; she can't just sit here and let him win. He only wanted Giulia so she couldn't have her. He always needed to win, and to monopolize the way others thought. If Carla let him drown her, he would fill her daughter's head with untruths about her. What would she be but an afterthought, notes on scandal in the papers for Giulia to wonder about in later years? Giulia would think she abandoned her; Carla would never abandon Giulia she had to live._

"_I promise our Giulia will know you through me, I shall keep your memory so alive that she will think it an endless spring at the Palace, and endless paradise. I'll make sure your memory is so constant that she'll think you still young and fair when she hears talk of you," gently he takes his hand and strokes her hair now wet. He brings his lips to kiss the side of her head, "Goodbye dear Caroline, my own darling Caroline"_

_The water is at her chin. Her body is slumping and soon enough she will slide under or he will shove her and hold her down. It is horrible feeling waiting to die especially on a night when she had made up her mind to start living to break free. She has so many regrets, so many people she wishes she could say goodbye to, like Maria her best friend, her mother Martha and cousin Marie. She thinks of last time she saw her brother Robert, it must have been ten years now, and she never went to his wedding. She thinks of Giulia. And then Carla thinks of all the times she wanted to take her life and didn't. What had stopped her was the idea of what could have been, what could be…Giulia._

_There must be something she could move. Her toes, her toes can move a bit. So if she just tries to move them enough to unplug the faucet the water could go down and she could drag herself out. Mary had to be looking for her, surely. Someone would be wondering where she and Antony had gotten to. The bathroom door is open and Carla glances casually out into the main room, she can hear the faint whispers of bodies moving about through the hallway. If she could just get someone to come in, everything would be okay. But Antony will never leave her, and Carla realizes he won't leave until she takes her last breath._

"_Shall I sing to you?" says Antony stroking her hair, "How about I sing to you "Twilight and Mist". I think the song fits you perfectly. It was always your favorite piano song. I used to sit and watch you play for hours on end; you truly have the most divine fingers. Do think our Giulia will play the piano as well as you?"_

_Carla is trying to ignore him and focus on the movements within the palace. She can't speak so she doesn't know why he is talking if only to torture her more. Her toes are working discreetly; she is trying to get movement back into them._

"_Giulia Mariette Cecilia Gordon!" shouts a voice as the guest room door flung open, "Come back here this moment!"_

_Carla remembers when Antony flung her onto the bed he only closed the door; never did he actually lock it. His blunder just saved her life._

"_I want my mother and papa!" shouts a familiar fussy voice, the sound of small feet stomp around the room._

_Antony's eyes go wide as he looks at Carla, comprehending that his plan has just been foiled._

"_Out of this room at once child," says Libby, "You know your father does not like you in his guest rooms."_

"_But I want mama and I went to look for her and papa to. They aren't in there room and Sister Martha said I could show them the rosary I made for prayer group. Father Xavier loved it to. He said papa will be proud I am learning all my prayers."_

_Antony jumps up to close the bathroom door before Libby and Giulia can walk into the main room any further but he is too late because Giulia runs to evade the house keepers reaching grasp and looks directly at him._

"_Papa!" the child shouts upon seeing her father._

"_Oh stop your lying child," says Libby before she herself stumbles upon Antony, "Oh sir, forgive me. I am so sorry—" her voice cuts off when she notices Carla in the tub. Her eyes go wide and full confusion and then fear, "Sir—?"_

"_You were just taking the child and leaving now Libby," says Antony trying to conceal his crime but Giulia spots her mother now to._

"_Mummy," she says immediately pushing past her father and running towards the tub clutching her newly made rosary, "Mummy look what I made."_

_Carla is unable to move or speak but she looks at Libby pleading, "Help me"_

_Libby stands fazed by this whole horrific scene unfolding in front of her. Her eyes spot the blood on the side of the tub, the blood from Carla's wound that is changing the color of the water._

"_Mummy," says Giulia now noticing the bloodiness of the water, "Mummy what's wrong?"_

"_Leave now Giulia," says Antony trying to regain control of the situation._

_Carla can feel her hands moving a bit and takes the opportunity to lightly grasp for her daughters fingers the child is startled and lets out a scream. She has also stepped in the blood._

"_Mummy!"_

"_GET HER OUT OF HERE LIBBY!" shout Antony._

_Carla will not let that happen, so she grips her daughter's hand tighter. If they stayed she would live. If they went she was as good as dead._

"_YOU GET MRS. GORDON OUT OF THAT TUB FIRST!" shouts back Libby. Carla never knew the housekeeper had it in her to talk back._

"_Oh for crying out loud," says Antony he grabs Giulia around the waist trying to pry her from Carla's death grip. Carla will not budge, "Let go of her! Let our daughter go!"_

_Libby rushes forward and with incredible strength flings them both out of the way, "If you don't get her out this tub I sure as hell will!" Libby bends down and wrapping her hands around Carla's torso and begins to drag her from the tub. She has surprising strength and adrenaline as she hoists Carla over the edge, "Don't even dare try and stop me Mr. Gordon. I grew up amongst all brothers and my father was a coal miner as tough as they come. I know how to throw a punch or two!"_

"_You think I did this?" says Antony realizing the jig is up, "I found her like this. She wanted to kill herself."_

"_LIAR!" shouts Libby, "She was fine all day! She was fine two hours ago when I visited her in the master bedroom. She had no gashes on her head, that's for sure! I suppose you think I'm stupid and that the poor woman decided to hit herself on the head with a candle stick or something!"_

_Carla collapses against the strength of Libby, just hoping that Giulia is not looking._

"_Papa," she cries, "What is wrong with mummy?"_

"_Your mother's been hurt child," says Libby not giving Antony a chance to lie, "You have two eyes and you can see it. But that's no matter; she won't be hurt for long because someone's going to get a doctor from town," she snarls at Antony, "And it won't be you Mr. Gordon."_

_Carla feels dizzy and weak and the last thing she truly remembers is the cries of Giulia and the look on Antony's face. He had lost._

…_**I remember waking up later on that evening Liam, not sure if I was dead or alive. But Libby told me a doctor came in speeding through the gates at sun down. Antony told him that I slipped and fell, that's how I got my head wound. Libby wanted to say what she saw, but Antony had paid to put her nephew through college up in Oxford. He told her she was lucky enough that he didn't teach her lesson for talking back, and cancel his tuition. **_

_**I remember Mary gently helping me up in the dark of the night, down the hallways and the stairs to the front of the Palace. A few of my bags had been packed and neither Antony nor Giulia was nowhere in sight…**_

"_What's going on?" Carla whispers, "Why are my bags packed?"_

"_You're leaving Mrs. Gordon," says Mary, "Edson is waiting in the town car as we speak ready to take you to London."_

"_I'm not leaving without Giulia."_

"_You have to," says Libby, "You haven't any other choice."_

"_Antony will never allow it."_

_Mary looks at her with sad eyes, "Miss, he's the one who order it. He woke Edson up and ordered him to take you out of here."_

"_His exact words," whispers Libby, "Were basically… "I'm sick of the sight of her. Remove her from my house at once."_

"_I don't want to leave without Giulia. I can't leave her with him. What if he hurts her like he did me."_

"_We won't let that happen," says Libby, "Will we Mary?"_

"_No Libby, we will not."_

" _But it's dangerous for you guys to stay. Libby, especially for you."_

"_I have two eyes, don't I? I can see it. I've seen what he is the moment I step foot in this house. Don't let the grand fixtures fool you Miss, or the friendly smile of a servant. We know what he is and so you do. You have eyes, but you've chosen for far to long to see only what you want to see. Us servants, we aren't like, I can tell you that much. I've slept with a pistol by my bedside for ten years Mrs. Gordon and with good reason. And our Mary, she's never far from my sight. I got her well protected to."_

"_That's not true anymore. What you said about me being blind to it," protests Carla, "I was going to leave him today?"_

"_Were you?" says Libby. Mary shoots her an angry look but she does not falter, "I am most certain that if you woke up tonight and Mary hadn't come to get you, you would stayed in that bed. And by morning it would have all been too late. You would just add it to the notch of more horrible things he has done to you, and get on with life at the palace. Giulia will be like that to and if you stay just to be with her, you're teaching her that what Antony does is okay. You have leave without her for the moment, so that one day you can actually come back. If stay here tonight you may not wake up come morning, he'll kill you in your sleep. And if your awake all the better for him, he'll make sure his is the last face you see. That child needs to open her eyes, she needs to really see what this Paradise Palace is like and when she does she'll want to leave and she will come with you."_

_Carla wants to protest but Libby cuts her off again._

"_The only way to make that happen is stop shielding her from the truth. As long as you're in the Palace she'll never know just how horrible he can be. She needs learn what can cause one to be absent from it, from this illusion Mr. Gordon has constructed."_

_Carla nods her head understanding and before she can say thank you to Libby for rescuing her from the tub Marry pulls out a wad of cash and thrust it in her hands, "It's some of the girls from the kitchens wages. I told them what happened and they pull together some cash, for both you and Susan. We got Susan out the place, the gardener's daughter lives not too far off, so she should be safe."_

"_You shouldn't have Mary—"_

"_What else are you going to survive on? Mark Donovan's generosity? We all know he only spends Alasdair's blood money from the Congo on himself."_

_Carla nodded in agreement. Her father was selfish with his money, "Thank you."_

_Mary embraces her in a hug, kissing her cheek, "You look after yourself. Focus on getting better. You'll come back for Giulia and she knows it. Antony won't hurt her Carla; she's his weapon against you. He wants to be her sun in this golden world that is this place Paradise Palace. Just look after yourself okay._

_Edson comes through the door, collecting her suitcases and disappearing back outside. _

_Carla turns to Libby next, unsure of what to make of the housekeeper she had never liked. Today she had saved Carla's life and stood up to Antony. She had wise words to offer about Giulia and the best way to save her daughter. But Carla still couldn't help but feel like a horrible person for leaving._

"_Thank you Libby," Carla says and they awkwardly hug._

"_Antony sent a telegram to your father Mark shortly after the doctor came. He said the two of you were experiencing difficulties and your melancholy has left you wanting an escape to London for the time being. Your father should expect you first thing in the morning."_

_Carla nods her head processing Antony's lie and how she is being blamed once again. Mary helps her down the steps of the Palace where Edson is waiting with an open door to the car._

"_Miss," Edson says taking her hand and helping her in. He shuts the door and gets into the front._

_Carla looks out at the two servants, Mary is crying and waving her off while Libby does her best to comfort her. Then she scans the exterior of this grand house. It was neoclassical with a billion windows all dark accept one. There is a small light coming from a small window up on the top floor, Giulia's room. She sees her daughter's faint silhouette peering from in between the curtains and her heart drops. Her daughter is seeing her, as she gets ready to leave._

_It finally becomes clear what sort of game Antony is playing. He wants their daughter to see her leave, to see her abandon Paradise. He will feed Giulia all the lies he wants and Giulia will believe them because it doesn't matter what's true, we all see only what we want to see._

_Carla wants to jump out of the car and run back into the house and retrieve her child. But it's too late. The town car makes it U-turn in front of the steps, and speeds down the driveway. Carla shifts in her seat looking out the pack window of the car, her eyes never leaving the window. Antony has now come to stand with their daughter. His hand on Giulia's shoulder he leers down at Carla, his expression is pure evil. He had won after all._

_She watches him until the car goes through the gates, leaving the Palace but never leaving his sick Paradise._

…_**Libby was right; I wouldn't have left Paradise when the morning came. I would have endured and acted all the same. Don't you see, how horrible that is that Antony had to be the one to push me out the door? He decided when I would leave and when I would return. So while everyone sits around and thinks it brave what I did, like Maria often did; the truth is I wouldn't have really left that first time if he hadn't ordered that town car to take me away from there. And I still went back after all I learned he did, to the maid, to Susan, my best friends cousin…I still came back, after he tired to kill me. So what does this say about me? I saw only what I wanted to see. So I wonder if this truth will make you think any less of me. Whether to know me as I am, as I was, will you love me? I hope you will, I really pray you can because I love you with no conditions at all. I just had to let you know the truth. Consider this a new beginning, a new sign of trust, that I mean more than just saying the words. Consider this the first day of the rest of our lives.**_

_**~Carla**_

Liam finishes the letter only realizing now he has soaked it through with all his tears.


	57. Chapter 57

Carla rounded the corner coming back from the hospital concession. They would not allow her to bring any food from the outside in, so she had to settle on the bland hospital selection. She had three worries, first that Cillian would be picky about what food he was given and second, she wondered how Liam would react to her letter. Third she just wondered how Cillian would take Liam's presence. Taking a deep breath as she reaches the room's curtain, Carla balances the two food trays and pats her head of hair. Time to face the first day of the rest of her life…quickly she pulls the curtain aside.

She sees him, her son wide-awake with his big blue eyes looking curiously over at the man that lay beside him. He possess the simple curiosity that most children are inclined to have as he delicately and innocently extends his small body over his fathers peering at him and poking him, gently. Carla is at a loss for words really, the scene has her heart in knots it is that precious and unique. Cillian looks over his shoulder as Carla sets the food trays down, Liam looked to be in a deep sleep clutching her note. Carla notices the ink is smudged from what must have been his tears and she thinks to herself, she never meant to make him cry. She only wanted to tell him the truth and if the truth meant causing him such sadness and pain, she couldn't put him through that again. She had already put him through too much.

"Mummy," says Cillian now giving up prodding his father and standing on the bed, "He won't wake up."

Carla is cautious about how to proceed next. She wants to know what her Cillian knows, if Liam has already told him that he is his father. She isn't sure what she should say, "Do you know who this is Cillian?"

"Yeah," says Cillian smiling at her broadly. The child never ceased to amaze Carla with his wonderful deposition.

"Really?" Carla says cautiously. So Liam did tell him. Carla is a bit sad because she would have liked to have been there, when the truth was unveiled. Plus for Liam to take on such a burden by himself was just another unfair thing she has done to him.

"Yes mummy," says Cillian answering her and now jumping towards the base of the bed for her to left him, "He's my guardian angel."

Carla let out a laugh, "What?"

"He's my guardian angel mummy. GuGu says we all have one. They save us during big scary moments and stop us getting hurt. I'm lucky because GuGu says we don't all get to meet ours, but I got to meet mine."

"Oh Cilly, you're so silly," says Carla astonished at how much Giulia has told Cillian over the years. His sister truly adored and cared for him even if it seemed she no longer cared for anyone else, outside of Antony that is.

"Mama! That's not you're name for me, that's what GuGu calls me!"

"I'm sorry darling," says Carla kissing her son's head, "You're very lucky to get to meet your guardian angel. What do you say we wake him up and thank him proper?"

"Yes," says Cillian wiggling around and indicating to his mother she could let him down, "Please mummy can I wake him?"

"Of course darling."

"And mummy," says Cillian again, "Can I get him a present to say thank you?"

"If you'd like," says Carla grinning, "You're so convinced he is your guardian angel, huh?"

"Of course mummy. I was going towards gentle Jesus like GuGu says, but then my angel called me back. What will we give to him to say thank you?"

"I don't know," says Carla. A big weight was slowly lifting from her shoulders. Cillian had a way of making the most complex of situations less stressful, "What do you suppose guardian angels like?"

Cillian scrunches up his adorable face in deep thought peering back and forth between his mother and father, until he spots the food trays and his eyes light up, "That!" he says pointing excitedly, "Everybody needs to eat, even angels."

"Alright then," says Carla. This was working out perfectly; she walks over to the table with the two trays and slowly picks it up getting ready to walk it over to Liam. But Cillian is at her heels stopping her.

"Mummy! I want to give it to him; he's my guardian angel after all. You can watch."

"Oh," says Carla greatly amused, "Well pardon me young sir," Liam is now starting to stir, "Here you go master Cillian, my apologies."

"Thank you mummy," he says grinning and motioning with his hands for her to give him the tray. He looks over at his stirring father, "Quickly mummy, I want to surprise him when he wakes."

Carla gently leans down to the level of her son and hands him the tray, "Careful now, you can drop or spill it. Angels need their energy."

"Well you're coming to mummy. I'm going to introduce you to him. "

Carla lets out another laugh and quickly putting her hands on Cillian's small shoulders helping to steady him just as Liam comes around. He is dazed and confused for a moment trying to take in his surroundings until he notices the small identical face of a child staring in directly at him and offering him a tray of food.

"Hello I'm Cillian and you're my angel," says an innocent Cillian staring up at his father and beaming, " I brought you something—although I'm sure not what you eat. But I think angels must eat because I do."

Liam cocks his eyebrow highly amused at the whole introduction and his blue eyes stare back down at his sons. He is at a loss for words. Liam and Carla exchange brief smiles and Carla nods her head telling him to go along with it.

Cillian is oblivious to the whole situation and begins to set the food tray down prompting Liam to sit up straight. He was acting all adult and bossy it was rather hilarious and adorable, " What's your name?" he says once he has settled the tray on Liam's lap.

"Uh, W-well," Liam was trying to find the words and to gain composure. This must nothing less then a very emotional time for him; he is just hearing the sound of his son's voice properly for the first time, "My name's Liam."

"That's my name too!" shouts Liam ecstatically and glancing at his mother quickly and then looking back at his father, "That's my middle name!"

"You don't say?" says Liam his voice is shaking a bit and he looks up at Carla. His look only means one thing…I love you. That he is speechless at the honor given him.

"Yes! Mummy gave me that name."

"It's a lovely name isn't it?" Liam whispers.

Cillian nods his head even more excited; His brown hair is tussled and flounces around with this hyper moments, "Mummy and I just wanted to say thank you for saving me. Mummy is over there," he says motioning towards Carla, "Would you like to meet her?"

"Would I ever," says Liam his voice is cracking with laughter.

"Mummy can be quite shy," Cillian informs him in a matter of fact tone, "Especially around angels."

"Really," Liam says glancing up at Carla and winking, "You're mother has met lots of us then?"

Cillian furrows his brow considering the question thinking really hard on it as his answer as does so. He bites his lip before finally concluding, "Yeah, yeah my mummy has meet lots of angels. But she hasn't met you because you're my special angel."

"Well then I guess you better introduce us," says Liam again glancing up at Carla.

"Come here mummy, my angel Liam wants to meet you."

Carla can't help but laugh as she steps forward to "meet" Liam. Liam now nods his head at her indicating that they play along and she extends her hand out to meet his. She still get that surge of energy after all this time; it was like they were touching it for the first time all over again at the Palace.

"Hello Miss-?"

"Carla, you may call me Carla," she says trying not to laugh.

"Oh Miss Carla," says Liam grinning at her, "What lovely name you have."

"Thank you. Do I call you Liam or Guardian angel?" Carla looks down at Cillian who is beaming as the whole scenario unfolds in front of him. He couldn't look more pleased.

"You can call him guardian angel mummy," Cillian commands.

"Oh that's not very nice Cillian. I think he should be able to decide what I call him, don't you think?"

"I suppose—"

"Call me Liam," says Liam and then he stares down at Cillian, "You know I… I think I may have met your mother before."

"What?" says Cillian his eyes widening.

"Yes," says Liam, "I did. In fact I met her some years ago."

Carla catches onto the game, "Oh yes! You're guardian angel is correct. I did meet him many years ago. In fact I know him very well!"

"B-but," says Cillian sputtering and jealous of his mother, "But he's my guardian angel mummy! You can't have met him before me!"

"But you see," says Carla now leaning down to her son's level and grinning at Liam, they both had the mischievous strike in them again and were willing to have some fun with this, "I can, because he was once my guardian angel to."

"No," says Cillian crossing his arms and pouting, "He's mine mummy. You can't have him." Cillian runs over to the bedside gripping Liam's arm.

"Oh but he's yours too darling. He's both of ours."

"No, he's mine! GuGu says we get one per person. And he's mine, he looks just like me."

"Well I actually alternate between both you and your mother. I'd like to make sure you are both safe at all times. I don't think it's fair if you just hog me all to yourself, especially if there is plenty of me to go around."

"But you saved me! Therefore you're mine," says Cillian getting upset.

Carla thought perhaps it was time to stop the game. But Liam spoke to calm him first.

"I knew your mother once, when she was younger. And I helped her out."

"Yes," says Carla jumping in, "He saved me once, when I needed saving." Carla meant every word of this.

Cillian still wasn't budging and looked ready to burst into tears at the thought of ever having to give up or share his guardian angel with anyone.

"Remember what your uncle Peter once said about guardian angels?" says Carla. She glances quickly at Liam asking him to trust where she is going with this before looking back at Cillian and gripping him by the shoulders, "Do you remember?"

The boy nodded feverishly but continued to bite on his lower lip pouting.

"He said that guardian angels pop in from time to time just to see how you are but they never really leave you because they love you unconditionally. In fact they've always been there and apart of your life, even when you didn't know it, they were there. And they look out for and love lots of people."

Cillian nods his head understanding.

"Cillian what did Uncle Peter tell you when you got sad about papa?"

The boy scrunches up his face trying his best to remember before he looks at his mother solemnly in the eyes and says, "He said that whenever I feel sad and alone thinking that papa didn't want me; to think of him like an guardian angel. Like he's in my heart never leaving me, loving me unconditionally like God loves us all unconditionally. And that he has plenty of love to go around, his love is just making his way back to me is all."

"Yes baby. Your guardian angel is like your papa," Carla takes a big breath and glancing at Liam once more says, "In fact your guardian angel is your father. Do you know what I'm saying Cillian? Your guardian angel is your papa."

She had said it; it was finally out there. Liam got up from the bed slowly coming to stand behind their son, while Carla stood in front of him still gripping his shoulders. She watched his remarkable features go through the motions, hearing the information, processing it and finally understanding it. He looks first at her and then at Liam, his father. Back and forth his head does this and they wait until finally his features ignite with the simple innocence of a child, a simple happiness.

"Papa!" he shouts and without a second thought he runs into Liam's arms, "Papa! Papa! Papa! You came for me papa, you came!"

Liam scoops him up and Carla could cry at the beauty of it all. She watches her Liam the tears running down his face as he cups their darling child's head and rocks him back and forth.

"I came," Liam whispers closing his eyes and just taking it all in, "I came."

And this was the first day of the rest of their lives.


	58. Chapter 58

**Sorry for the long wait. I know I promised some of you this chapter a few days ago, but I kept on rewriting it. Anyways here it is and enjoy.**

**As always thank you for the love on twitter as well as the love on here.**

"How are you feeling?"

Liam is looking out of the hospital window just lost in a daze. He had finally truly met his son, heard his voice in all its unison, his son finally knew him…

"…_To know him to is to love him, to know her is to love her to. And to know me is to love me…"_

He feels Carla's hands move around his waist and he looks over his shoulder smiling at her. They were in another room just waiting for the doctor to finishing checking up on Cillian before he would be okay to go home.

"I'm fine," he whispers, "I am actually quite fine." He gently kisses her cheek before turning back to the window. He feels her chin come to rest on his shoulder.

"I think I should tell Sophie, that were going to get a hotel room of our own. I can't quite fathom having to share you with Michel and her. Plus Joshua and Aaron seem to be quite in love with you themselves."

"Oh behave Carla," says Liam he can't help but laugh at the funniness of Sophie and her brother. They were like his own personal fan club. He adored them but had no idea why he held their interest so much, "I suppose you're right. I wouldn't want to be around everyone else right now. I just want to be with you."

"Same," whispers Carla, "You don't know how long I've been waiting just to say anything like that to you. Just a simple world; I don't think I've said one in a million years."

"Probably never got the chance…the chance just to have a simple life," he says staring at her and his thoughts roam over the details of the letter and then he whispers, "How could you possibly think I wouldn't love you after you told me all that?"

"I don't know. When you say out loud it all sounds rather foolish, but when the thoughts are roaming around in your head it all makes perfect sense. Everything you think no matter how dark and scary, or how untrue; it all makes sense."

"It's them who did that to you," says Liam thinking of Mark Donovan and Antony Gordon, "I want to hurt them for everything they've every done to you. I want to smash his head into a thousands pieces for every time he violated you. And that uncle, he deserves a gunshot to the head."

"Oh Liam," says Carla on the verge of tears, "I didn't tell you to make you angry. I told you because I wanted you to know, I just wanted you to know and be done with it. You're better then them, you don't have it in you to do violence like them."

Liam is now on the brink of tears and shakes his head in frustration, "You don't even know how much I've thought about it. Probably never more then you have, but I've heard stuff over the months before I read the letter. Margaret, you know Margaret Wellington—she told me about rumors she heard. What he had done to that maid, what his father knew and just let happen. It makes me so sick to think what parents do to spite there children, and what they do for love them. Alasdair just throws money at the deviance and expects it will go away—I can't fathom how I father could turn a blind eye like that."

"Of course you can't Liam. You're different, you're not them at all. Alasdair is a colonial sort of man. That's where all his aspirations in life go. He dines with Belgian royalty and entertains French diplomats from his fine furnished homes in Leopoldville one day and Elizabethville the next. He didn't care about my problems, nor his sons, he was too busy trying to make himself a master in the universe."

"And Antony was busy trying to make himself master over you. It doesn't stop them, it doesn't any of them from always trying to construct the perfect little image though, does it?"

"Of course," says Carla, "They couldn't care about the truth, the history behind any event. Because they know that they'll always come out on top, and so they could easily rewrite it. The truth is what they say it is, that's how my father was to. That's why everyone back in London gets to call me hysterical crazy Carla, because he said what they truth was, he determined what I'd be."

"I hate him," Liam says, "No matter what his reasons I will always hate him."

"There's no use in us dwelling on the past. We're starting over, remember?" says Carla trying her best to cheer him up.

Liam tries to return the smile as best he can. But it doesn't change the fact that if he ever saw any of those men he would kill them.

"Besides," adds Carla, "Were not going to be like any of them. We're not going to be like you're parents or my parents. We're actually going to try and do things right for Cillian and we already have an advantage, we're not them…you're not them. You'll never be like him. You'll never hurt me like Antony."

Liam turns around embracing her in a hug. He just wants to hold her tightly feel the width of her and never let her go, "I'll never hurt you ever again like I did when I said I hated you in New York. Not ever again, I swear on our son's life. I love you Carla."

"I love you too," says Carla staring up at him, "I'll never hurt you again by withholding things from you. I never keep a secret from you ever again."

He gently moves a piece of her long hair from her face, delicately caressing her cheek and mesmerized by the surge of energy he could get from such simple contact.

"What?" says Carla wondering why he is staring at her the way he is.

"Nothing," he whispers, "Nothing at all. I just…it's just I think about the first time we saw each other and I feel like every time I look at you it's like I seeing you for the first time all over again. It's magical almost."

"Stop," says Carla blushing under his gaze.

Liam can't help but smirk at the affect he had on her, to make her basically weak in the knees it was adorable. He wanted to always inspire such strong feelings in her. He continues staring at her intensely just to tease and make her more red in the face.

"Oh Liam stop it or kiss me already!"

"Are those my only two options?"

"Oh my goodness," Carla practically squeals like she is a young school girl, "You can't say that! What if Cillian hears you?"

"He doesn't know what I mean and he isn't in here. But it's you who has quite a mind on you Miss. I'm not the one who went there, you did."

"That is so not fair Liam. You know full well what you meant."

Liam shakes his head teasing her more, "Nope, never crossed my mind. Not ever, I swear. I think it's you that went there."

"Oh my goodness, you charmer—I mean it stop staring at me like that! You said options, remember that."

" Options could've meant anything," says Liam not budging. He is enjoying bringing out this ridiculously cute side of Carla.

"Oh just shut up and kiss me already, you charmer."

"Well if you insist," Liam leans in and kisses her. He could probably kiss her forever if there was nothing to stop him.

"Please get a room," says a familiar voice and Liam and Carla start laughing through muffled kisses they quickly break apart.

Liam quickly leans in her ear and whispers "See how quickly we can make each other forget any and all sadness."

Carla returns his remark with a demure smile and slight nod before they turn to face their visitors. It is Michel with Sophie, Lila, and Aaron as well as Samuel and Margaret.

"Now that's no way to behave in a public hospital," says Sophie teasing them again.

"Yes our eyes are so offended," smirks Aaron.

Samuel just grins and gives Liam a humorous wink, while Margaret stands at his side smiling rather meekly.

"Hi," Liam finally musters, "Hello everyone."

"And hello to you!" says Michel intent on keeping things embarrassing and awkward as he utilizes a suggestive tone.

More smirking ensues while Liam glances at Carla who is absolutely red in the face. Just the sight of her made Liam realize he was really enjoying this.

But it is Margaret who finally speaks setting things in a serious tone, "We came to see Cillian. We bought some gifts—Samuel picked out a bear, we weren't sure what he might like."

"Thank you," says Liam smiling at his ever thoughtful and loyal friends. Margaret made her way over kissing Liam on both cheeks before turning back towards Carla.

Liam examined the two ladies; actually everyone did especially Samuel. He was probably unsure as to how his wife would react towards Carla. But they had nothing to worry about as Margaret's normal stare turned into a board warm smile and she embraced Carla in a hug.

"We bought you some flowers," she tells Carla and then looking over her shoulder she says, "Samuel please bring over the flowers."

Samuel walks over and so does everyone else now just hugging and embracing Liam and inquiring about the state of Cillian.

"Will the angel be released today?" says Lila, "The bride to be Miss Diane; she is beside herself, just thinking if her poor little helper was hurt she wouldn't know what to do with life. She was so sad because he is such a darling."

"She would have come to," says Michel talking to Liam, "But she is entertaining my mother—trying on her wedding gown right now. Sophie should be with them to," he adds giving his sister the look jokingly, "But alas Cillian was top priority. Plus she can't give up the opportunity to entertain her new friends."

"New friends?" says Liam

"Yes," says Michel, "Sophie has practically taking it upon herself two kidnap your two friends and make them her own. She insisted rather strongly that they came back to ours last night for some tea and decided they should never be allowed to leave."

Liam glanced over at Margaret who he did notice now seemed rather tired and now it he knew why. He had to laugh; Sophie probably kept her up all night.

"It wasn't any bother," Samuel reassures Michel and Liam both, "We quite liked the company and your parents are lovely people." Then turning his full attention to Liam he asks, "Now how are you? That's what Margaret and I are concerned about."

"I'm fine, actually I'm great."

"You would be wouldn't you?" says Samuel raising his eyebrow playfully alluding to the kissing earlier, "And how is your son—Cillian. Oh my god Liam, I'm actually saying your son!"

Liam claps his friend on the back and grins, "I know it's crazy."

"More than crazy. It's fate, strange fate. Can we see him? Would it be okay with Carla?"

"Of course," says Liam, "I think doctor should be done soon and then we can take him home."

"You've talked about it then? Where home will be?"

Liam glances over at Carla who is animatedly enjoying a conversation with bubbly Sophie and an uncharacteristically shy Margaret, while Michel and Aaron tease Lila just behind them. He smiles at the carefree nature of everyone, he smiles because his Carla is smiling.

"Yeah, we have. We've decided she'll move to Morocco. She'll go anywhere to be with me."

"Well that's good," says Samuel letting out a sigh of relief, "And you can keep your job to. Plus Margaret will want reasons to come back to this part of the world, no doubt she'll enjoy using you as an excuse."

"Well when you have the baby, you better visit me. I'm the godfather, I better see that child lots ."

"And the child will want to see their cousin Cillian lots to," Samuel bellows out before collapsing in fit of laughter, "We're sounding like a bunch of women Liam! This is exactly the sort of conversations our mothers used to have over tea time. Remember when your mum was pregnant with Michelle and my mother with Burke."

"I know. We are aren't we?" He remembers how their mothers had been pregnant around the same time and gave birth weeks apart. Liam thinks solemnly for a moment of Samuels's brother Burke. Michelle and him never got to do all the things their mothers imagined because he had died just short of his first birthday. Liam wants to forget that sadness, "But I don't care. I can't wait for our children to play together like we played together as kids."

"Except it just wont be over every other weekend. It will have to be every couple of months," and then sighing Samuel says, "I do wish you guys could come back to England. But I know you can't, not with the parents and Paul behaving as they do, and Antony Gordon mucking about."

Liam sighed sometimes he missed England but it wasn't worth coming back to with family like his parents and his brother, nor to put Carla in the clutches of Antony again.

Suddenly the doctor comes out and stops the chattering to tell everyone Cillian was well and good to go home right away. This is wonderful news and upon pleading with the doctor to let the copious amount of visitors see the child at once, Liam and Carla lead the way to Cillian's room.

"Papa!" Cillian says immediately upon them entering the room, "Papa, papa, papa! " The child extends out his hands just begging to held by his father.

"Oh my he is so cute!" says Margaret, "An absolute darling. He looks just like you Liam."

Liam scoops up his son, letting his small arms wrap around his neck and he whispers, "You have visitors Cillian, some of mummy and daddies friends have come to see you."

Cillian makes an adorable pouty face zeroing in on the word friends. He is unwilling to share his father with anyone not even his own mother, so he will not enjoy more attention that could monopolize his fathers time, "But papa your mine," he says in a soft whisper.

"Of course Cillian, but these are some my friends. They want to see you."

"You remember your auntie Sophie don't you?" says Carla, "Please say hello, she would be so ever sad if you didn't."

"Hello Cillian," says Sophie waving at him. The child's face lights up immediately.

"That's his lady you know," Carla remarks to Liam, "The only girl that holds a key to his heart."

Cillian makes it known he liked to be let down as he makes faces in Sophie's direction. Everyone laughs as he runs straight into her arms and hugs her.

"That boy will be making women drop to there knees in a few years time. I can tell he will have plenty of girl friends," says Aaron

"He already does Aaron," says Sophie kissing Cillian on both cheeks, "He has me, and then he has Lila, Diane, Sarah, he has plenty of ladies."

"And her!" says Cillian now noticing Margaret and turning up the charm, "She's my lady to."

"No Cillian," says Liam bursting out laughing, "She's your aunt."

"And she's taken little on," says Samuel holding out his hand, "Hello Cillian my name is Samuel."

"Hello," says Cillian removing himself from Sophie and walking towards Samuel.

"Samuel helped save you to," says Carla, "Can you say thank you?"

"You mean I have two guardian angels?!" says Cillian excitedly, "Mummy I have two?" He holds up two fingers in front of Carla's face.

Liam and Carla exchange quick glances. They know what is coming and would rather have the crisis averted because Cillian would not like to share Samuel either.

"Actually Cillian he's on loan," says Liam, "He was just called in for the job by me," Liam gives Samuel the look to indicate it was all along story and he would explain later.

"Well hello anyways guardian angel," says Cillian, "And thank you." He wraps his arms around a stooped down Samuel and gives him a hug.

"May I get a hug?" asks Margaret.

"Of course!' says Cillian like it was a stupid question and then grinning at her with his blue eyes rather intensely says, "You're pretty."

Margaret is reduced to a fit of laughter, "Well you're not so bad looking yourself little one. And you have wonderful manners."

Cillian just continues grinning and working his charm now grabbing at Margaret's hair and playing with it, "I love you," he whispers still grinning.

"Hey!" says Lila, "It took him forever to say he loved me!" she gives him a playful pout.

Sophie joins in, "Don't forget I am your main lady Cillian."

"Your all my ladies," Cillian says in a matter of fact tone and then turning back to Margaret says, "Can I have a kiss please?"

"Well of course you can. And you can have this bear to," says Margaret retrieving the bear her and Samuel bought and giving it to him, "I hope you like bears."

"It's a teddy bear," Cillian tells her, "That's what my Sophie says it's called. I call all my bears Teddy."

"Well Teddy is a pretty name. Can I just call him Teddy to?"

"Yes," says Cillian, "But no bear, just Teddy."

"Alright," says Margaret beaming at the child and then remarking to Liam, "He's so gorgeous."

"I may have competition for my wife's affections," jokes Samuel, "I think her heart has been stolen away by that fine gentleman. Just his father, he used to steal women's hearts at Cillian's age to."

"Yes I gathered as much, since my Lila seems utterly besotted with as well," adds Aaron reaching down and ruffling Cillian's hair, "You better keep a close eye on your Diane Michel. She might just forget about you."

"Oh I wouldn't blame her," says Michel, "I guess the father and son have some remarkable powers. If anything I would like to learn the tricks of the trade."

Everyone laughs some more.

"He's good now right?" says Samuel.

"Yep," Liam says, "We just have to pack his things and be ready to go. I hope you don't mind but I'd like to book a different room, not connected to yours and Margaret's."

"Of course not Liam," says Samuel before adding, " But we already booked something nice for the three of you didn't we Margaret?"

"Yes we did darling. Oh and everyone insisted in pitching in with something, so it's not just us. Although we will be giving Michel his money back."

"Mrs. Wellington I insist on helping—" Michel starts off.

"You will do no such thing. You're getting married and so you'll need to save your money. Lila and Aaron are already married and settled down and the same applies for Samuel and I. So therefore we don't care, it is no issue for us to pay."

"I'll be returning the money soon enough Margaret,' says Liam, "You shouldn't have done that. None of you should have."

"We wanted to," says Aaron, "You guys had a stressful past day as it is, "We just wanted to get you a place to go back to and not worry about anything but relaxing. So please don't argue and accept it… please."

"Yes," says Margaret triumph and glad at people backing her, "Please do."

"Fine," Liam sighs accepting defeat. He and Carla truly had such wonderful friends.

"Thank you," Carla whispers another set of tears forming in her eyes.

"No problem," says Samuel smiling at her, "Now we just have to get a bag ready right?"

"Right" says Carla snapping into action and pulling Samuel's belongs together.

"I'll help," says Margaret stepping forward next to Carla. Sophie and Lila quickly join. Soon all four ladies are gathering things and placing them in Cillian's bag.

"They'll do anything for that lad," says Michel, "It is quite lovely."

"Soon Lila will be begging for one of her own," Aaron replies. The two proceed out of the room

"Shall we?" says Samuel motioning towards the door.

"Yeah," says Liam stepping into pace with his friend. Michel and Aaron went ahead of them. He feels something tapping at his leg and looks down to see Cillian smiling up.

"Papa, you're not leaving without me, right?"

"Of course not baby, not ever. Remember I'm your guardian angel."

"And I'm your guardian angel on loan…whatever that means," says Samuel winking at the child.

Cillian reaches for his father's hand.

"Are you hungry at all Cillian?" says Liam.

"Yes papa," the child says nodding his head, "Very!"

"We better get you something hey?"

"Yes please papa. But we must wait for mummy first."

"Of course baby. We'll always wait for your mother."

Samuel and him exchange knowing looks and three head towards the exit to wait for Carla.


	59. Chapter 59

"What is this?" says Carla as they pull up to a villa in Cairo, "I thought we were going to a hotel?"

They whole group had just gone for lunch and insisted on taking Liam, Carla, and Cillian back to the hotel room they claimed to have booked afterwards. Carla had ridden with Sophie, Lila and Margaret while the men followed in another car. Sophie didn't wait for the driver to open the door, she is too excited as she flings it open and hops outside. Quickly she turns around reaching for Carla's hand and exchanging a brief look with both Margaret and Lila.

Carla takes her hand getting out of the car but she still hasn't been answered, "What's going on Sophie? Where is the hotel?"

"Should we tell her?" says Lila claiming out after Carla.

"We have to wait for the guys," says Margaret, "Samuel told me to keep numb until the men arrive."

The car driving the men pulled up just then and the door flung open with Michel and Aaron staggering out followed closely by Samuel who grabbed Cillian from Liam's arms setting him down on the ground. The child spotting his mother ran to Carla immediately, begging to be let up into her arms. Carla picks him up kissing him on the cheek, just as Liam emerges from the car.

"Is someone going to tell me why we are not at the hotel?" Liam says looking around at all their friends.

"Funny you should mention it," says Samuel walking towards the villa, "We all talked and the popular consensus tended to be that perhaps a hotel wouldn't be private enough—"

"So, says Margaret continuing, "We thought why not get them a nice villa to stay in instead."

"What?" says Carla caught of guard, "What do you mean by _get them a nice villa_?"

"We mean," says Samuel now grinning, "That we literally got you both a villa."

"Surprise!" says Margaret

"No," says Liam immediately, "Samuel you can't have! I won't allow it! I won't accept this at all—why are you guys always buying me things."

"Because we love you mate. We've been friends since we were diapers and if you what's good for you, you'll accept it. I won't allow for anything else."

"This is too much," says Carla flabbergasted by the Wellington's continued generosity.

"Not really," says Margaret, "Because it will be a villa for three couples. Lila and Aaron also but money in and the four of us figured since we love Cairo so much, we'll be coming back plenty. We might as well have a villa to stay in when we do."

"Exactly," adds Aaron, "It's a home for all of us to stay in when we come back to Cairo. Lord knows Lila and I will be down here visiting Diane and Michel as much as possible. They aren't coming back to New York anytime soon, so it's a win win for everyone. But now, it's your villa for the time being. We're staying at Michel's anyways and Samuel and Margaret are staying at the hotel."

"I don't know what to say," whispers Liam his voice overcome with emotion.

"Well just say you love it and don't be difficult anymore," says Margaret.

"You guys are spending so much money on me though," says Liam, "First you bought my ticket to Egypt. You helped me get a great job in Morocco—How can I ever repay you Samuel?"

"Well for starters you and this lovely lady," he says motioning to Carla, "Can go and get married and pop out a few more babies so they can all play with mine and Margaret's one day soon," then grinning slightly he adds, "No pressure of course."

"Samuel behave!" says Margaret, "Liam just enjoy the villa and make sure to always book your vacations around the same time as us once you get settled in wherever you decide on living. We would love to see Cillian lots."

"Okay stop talking Margaret," says Aaron, "We have a villa to give them a tour of."

"Yes of course," says Samuel reaching into his coat pocket and retrieving a key. He hands it to Liam, "Your key Liam. It's only fair you three do the honors."

"Carla," whispers Liam smiling in her and Cillians direction, "Shall we?" he holds out his hand for her to take it and they walk up the steps opening the door.

It is a beautiful villa, as soon as Carla walks into the main entry her breath is taken away.

"Wow," Sophie whispers, "It is so beautiful here. Look at the floors, I love the mosaic tile."

Carla looks down at the floor admiring the intricate designs as her eyes sweep over the vastness of the property. She notices that the villa is full of frescos. Holding Cillian in her arms she goes into what she presumes is the living room to examine them. They beautiful, they look like they belong in a royal palace or something; they were done in the roman style.

"They must be some sort of god or the other," says Samuel coming to stand beside her, "Margaret will have to tell you who is who, I've never really cared as long as everything looked beautiful."

"Thank you for doing this," whispers Carla looking at him she only notices now that Cillian has fallen asleep again on her shoulder, "It was very kind."

"It was no problem really. I like to see Liam happy and if you are what makes him happy, that's all that matters. And I hope you're happy to. He's been crazy about you from the moment he met you."

Carla smiles unsure of what to say as she touches the intricate scenes of various myths being played out on the wall.

Samuel continues, "I remember him and Paul stopping by mine right after the first business meeting with Antony. Margaret, Phillipa and Michelle were all sipping tea and I was playing a game of cards with some cousin or the other, but Liam just walked into the salon whistling like he was on cloud nine. It was funny, because Paul was just blithering on and on about the trees at this place called Paradise Palace, and everyone expected for them to be nervous since this was a big investment for their father. Normally Paul's nonsensical ranting would've annoyed Liam to no end, but that day he was just grinning from ear to ear."

Carla listens intently as Samuel's hands trace over the fresco and he recalls his friend and the memory.

"We asked him what had him in such a wonderful mood and he just sat down near Margaret and whispered how he had seen the most beautiful woman in the world. Phillipa of course said he had to be exaggerating but then I asked what made her so much more special then all the rest, because Carla he wouldn't stop talking; Do you want to know what he said?"

"Yes," Carla says, "What did he say?"

"That he had just seen this women with raven color hair and the greenish eyes imaginable, with olive skin; she looked from another time, not apart of this world. And it was too much he couldn't bear it; not ever seeing her again, never having a place in her world. He said he knew it was crazy because just that morning his life had been so content, but now that he had seen you he knew it wouldn't be unless you were in his life permanently. Paul told him he was being dramatic and then snapped like Paul often does that he wanted to leave, the ladies just laughed it off like he was being a charmer, but I saw it in his eyes that he was being serious. He wouldn't rest until he found away to make that lady his. I was happy for him, glad for it. But I was also sad when you hurt him and mad for him when you left him—but you're back now. So I hope that two of you get it together and stop being difficult. Just be happy; if you want to thank me just promise to always be happy."

"I promise," says Carla her voice choking up. Samuel seemed to be another rare sort, old money that wasn't a snob or heartless, he had a conscious he did not judge her.

"Good," he says turning to face her, "Now give me a hug. You're basically like family now, my sister in a way."

Carla gives him a hug, just as Michel and Sophie enter.

"Margaret is giving Liam a tour of the house. Liam has been asking for you Carla because Margaret is getting overly excited pointing out every little to thing to him. She honestly took it upon herself to show him how to use the tub—turned on the faucet and acted like it was a rear sight to see the water flowing," says Sophie.

"I don't know why you're laughing Sophie," says Michel, "That's exactly what you do. Remember last night when you kidnapped that fine couple, you also gave them a run around of one of our bathroom; that is of course after you kept them up all night with senseless chatter."

"It was no worry," says Samuel laughing, "Really Sophie is good fun. I enjoyed her stories about nanny school in Switzerland. I never met anyone who nanny school before. Now I know where my horrible governess was trained," he adds winking a Sophie.

Carla let out a stifled laugh. Sophie told everyone about nanny school.

"Oh enough about that Michel" pouts Sophie, "We should be getting back to Diane and mother shouldn't we? We have lots of things to be doing for the wedding; it's tomorrow you know. I happen to know that Aaron has yet to finish his best man speech."

"Sophie," says Carla disappointed that she would tell Michel this, "Aaron didn't tell you that so you would blab to everyone else."

"Oh I don't care about that," says Michel dismissing the information with a wave of the hand, "But I do care that we are intruding upon Carla and Liam's time together. I think we all ought to go and let poor Cillian rest."

"It's no problem he's past out on my chest," says Carla propping up her sleeping son once more.

"But clearly he is exhausted and I stand by my words. We should leave you guys be."

"Michel is right," says Samuel, "Plus Margaret should rest a little as well. She's been up all day and she didn't even go to see the sphinx yet. But I'll take her tomorrow, one day late can't hurt."

"Oh but you must come to my wedding," says Michel, " My wedding is tomorrow and you must attend. Your obviously wonderful friends to Liam and I would love to have you and your Margaret there."

"I wouldn't want to impose—"

"Don't be silly," says Sophie, "You're not strangers. You're practically set up to be life long friends at this rate. Besides it wouldn't be like you're crashing, you're not Liam and Carla."

"What?" says Samuel amused and intrigued. He glances over at a blushing Carla.

"Oh Carla never told you?" says Michel, "Her and Liam crashed Aaron and Lila's wedding back in New York last year actually—that's how we all met."

"You're joking?" says Samuel entertained by the news.

"Nope," says Michel, "All truth I'm afraid. They practically stole the show. No one cared about poor Lila and Aaron once we propped those two up in the chair."

"I can imagine."

"I promise to fill you in all on it, but you have to promise to come tomorrow."

"Deal," says Samuel grinning in Carla's direction. Him and Michel shake on it.

"—Alright and that's the kitchen area, more lovely frescos with Venus and Mars. I do enjoy looking at them. Of course you'll use the kitchen for cooking, or we'll just hire some help to do it for you. The paintings especially the ones in the Egyptian themed room are my favorite by far. They make me think I'm in a pharaoh's tomb," Margaret tells a trailing Liam, Aaron and Lila as they all come into view.

"Done giving the tour darling," says Samuel, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Did I ever Samuel," says Margaret beaming and running into her husband's arms.

"I wish the same could be said for the rest of us," jokes Liam, "I never knew one used the kitchen for cooking. Thank you for sharing that Margaret."

"Oh be quite Liam," says Margaret, "You love my tours and extensive knowledge. So,'' she says smiling up at Samuel, "What are we all doing now?"

"Well we we're all going to leave," says Michel, "Give them all some time to rest before my wedding tomorrow."

"You guys don't have to go?" says Carla although she looks over at Liam who seems more then keen on the idea. Perhaps they should all leave, because Liam clearly wanted to be left alone with her. And she actually wanted to just stay by him all-evening without a care in the world.

"Yes we do," says Aaron.

"Oh darling," says Samuel addressing Margaret, "We're going to their wedding tomorrow."

"Lovely—"

"Okay," says Michel starting to push his sister towards the front door, "Everybody out. Lets let them have some time to rest."

"Alright, alright," says Aaron quickly hugging Liam and Carla goodbye, "Wedding tomorrow, best get some rest. We'll be dancing tell the dogs come home. I got my dancing shoes—"

"Yes," adds Samuel cutting Aaron off, "Get some _rest_..." and with one last wink he follows Michel and Sophie towards the door.

"Love you," says Margaret and Lila both following, "See you both and darling Cillian tomorrow."

Liam sees them out the door, while Carla puts Cillian still miraculously asleep after all the commotion to bed in one of the villa's rooms. She just gaged in on which one looked the most child like, and decided it would be his room. What a day it had been, she could still not get over the Wellington's and their kindness and even Lila and Aaron. She walks towards the doorway closing the door quietly but making sure to leave it ajar incase Cillian got fussy. Turning around she walks straight into Liam.

"I thought they'd never leave," he whispers wasting no time and pulling her into him, "We had another round of goodbyes on the steps and again once they got in settled into the cars," he looks down at her his stare intense as he moves in for a kiss.

Carla accepts hungrily. He was like her lifeline; she can feel his body responding to her touch. If they weren't careful they could lose control right in front of Cillian's room, "We have to move—Cillian's sleeping," Carla tells him breathlessly.

Liam doesn't say anything; he just lifts her up so that she can wrap her legs around his waist. He continues to kiss her not coming up for air. Slowly he leads her down the hall to another room flinging the half open door wide open with his foot and throwing her on the bed. They break apart briefly; her breathing is shallow Carla looks up into his beautiful face he is grinning; he is going to make her wait. Slowly she watches as he lowers his hands down on her dress just touching the material making her burn to touch her flesh. Slowly his hands slide under her dress, his touch inflaming her. He is gentle as his hand grasps her undergarments' pulling them off he throws them to the side. He moves his hand up her dress again caressing her thigh then exploring her with his hand. The feeling was uncontrollable; Carla closed her eyes letting the sensation overtake her. She needed him.

''Liam,'' Carla moans she turns her head breathing into the pillow. She needed him inside of her, "Liam," she says again feebly, "Oh stop it Liam."

He smiles at her lost in the pleasure he is able to give her, his face flushed with longing. He stops, lowering his lips to her mouth again. Carla quickly grabs at trousers unbuttoning them and quickly pulling them down. She lays back down again waiting. Gently he extends himself over her and gently strokes Carla's face. She admires his hands, they send chills through her body, she always thinks about the nape of her neck and how he had touch her so delicately that first day in garden. His hands knew her like no other, even then.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers staring at her and out of breath as he slowly opens her dress he moves his fingers across her stomach.

"Stop teasing me," Carla says she wants him now, "Must you always make me wait?" she adds rather feebly.

He bites his lip just looking down at all her grinning as he considers her question before giving her a stare that could make her die, "That depends, how badly do you want it?"

"You're going to make answer that Liam?" says Carla, "You're ruining the mood."

"I don't think that I am," he says coyly and adding in a whisper close to her ear, "And yes, I am going make you answer."

"I love you Liam, please—"

"How much do you love me?"

"So much I could die," Carla blurts out unable to contain her self, I" love you so much it's killing me. Now please—"

"Are you just saying that?"

"Liam for real—I am not, you know that."

"You're right," he says grinning at the state of frustration he has reduced her to, "I guess better give you want," he slid inside of her.

She closed her eyes getting lost in him the rhythm of him, the way there hands clasped in each other like perfect pieces once lost but reunited again. She loves him so much it consumes her. And all Carla can think is that she wants this to last forever.

They hold each other afterwards, his hands tracing across her shoulders, his fingers playing with her hair.

"Tell me I'm dreaming," he whispers.

"If you're dreaming, I must be dead," Carla says smiling and touching his nose briefly with her fingertip.

"How do you gather?" Liam says, "Is it because you love me so much you could _die_?" He emphasizes the word die just laughing at his attempts to tease her.

"I'm never telling you anything during love making ever again! You just use it against me later and make me sound like a corny lunatic," Carla playfully turns away from him.

"Hey," Liam says peeking over her shoulder, "I'm joking, and you know I am. You can't stay mad at me for long."

"I can if I want. Just you watch!"

"No you can't Carla. And remember I am still waiting for you answering—how is it that you're dying exactly?"

"You don't deserve an answer!" Carla says in an attempt to be play angry but she feels his hands reaching around her waist and pulling her into his back. She smiles, loving every moment of this.

"I'll tickle you if you don't behave Carla."

"Go ahead!"

"I don't much have the energy for this, but if you insist on acting a spoiled little princess then I guess I will have to tickle you."

"You're the spoiled one. You make me say a whole bunch of things just so you can tease me and now I hate you!" Carla can barely hold a straight face; her lips are quivering as Liam playfully glares at her.

Give me a kiss princess. I promise I'll be nice."

"Nope, remember I hate you at the moment!"

Liam sighs, "Oh so that's the way you're going to be, hard to get. Well I guess you better leave."

"No Liam, you leave! I'm tired."

"Tired already? You're weak then, a light weight," he grins and catching her off guard steals another kiss.

Carla accepts his kiss, as she does every one of his kisses like she only had one minute left to live. She is lost in want for him already she can help it what she blurts out, no matter how cheesy or clichéd because it is what she truly feels every time she gets lost in him, she feels as though this passion could consume her, that she could die.

"Liam," she whispers under his groans, "Make love to me," she wanted every time be like it was first time like it could very well be the last. And she has no other way of expressing this so she says, "And make me remember it until the day I die."

**Apologies if the love scene in this chapter was too corny lol. I tried to make it romantic and I hope it was done in a tasteful enough manner. Further I hope it doesn't induce in anyone a serious case of uncontrollable eye rolling. I had few moments were I was wondering if this scene was truly a bit over the top, but I rewrote it a few times so hopefully the cheese factor went down a bit.**

**Anyways beyond that I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and thank you for reading. **


	60. Chapter 60

**I can hardly believe this is Chapter 60! But woo hoo! It has been a blast writing this story so hears to another 60 chapters (lol I don't know if there will be that many. But I can assure you readers this story won't be ending anytime soon).**

**Also I just want to say I am so amazed and flattered beyond words at all the lovely and lengthy reviews I have received. I love reading them and I especially just want to say you guys are the nicest readers I have ever encountered. **

**I promise the wedding will begin in the next chapter. This chapter is more or less just on Liam's growth and what all this experience is teaching him. I felt it would be nice to try and flesh him out a bit more since most of the time I focus on Carla and her struggles. Thanks for reading as usual everyone. **

Liam got up early the morning of the wedding, he wasn't sure what time it was but he assumed it was just near the crack of dawn. Not wanting to disrupt the sleeping angel next to him, his Carla he gently slides out of bed making his way to the bathroom. Closing the door and turning on the light he decides he will take a bath quickly and test his hand a cooking something decent in the kitchen for Cillian and Carla afterwards.

He still in a dream state, hardly believing that he was with her again. It was like something that belonged in the plot of novel not in his actual life. The voice of his sister rings in his ear

"…_They do say truth is often stranger than fiction…"_

He hated how she popped into his mind like that sometimes whispering things he already knew. He was still angry with Michelle but he did hope that she was okay back home in England. She had her husband and his family at least to keep her sane if she ever got tired of Paul and their parents. Naturally thinking of Michelle made him miss his cousin Phillipa as well; she was practically Michelle's double after all and his partner in crime. When he finally got the chance to make Carla his wife, she would have to be there; Liam decided. He couldn't imagine not getting married without Phillipa around to share in his moment. He missed those two girls more then he cared to admit and no amount of updates from Samuel and Margaret could replace the feeling of having them around in the flesh.

It was apart of growing up though he supposed leaving the past behind and looking to the future. He had his own son now, and that son would be his main priority. His siblings and his life in England and all the carefree hunting and stuffy galas were a thing of the past. He didn't miss those things at all anymore.

_"…You say that like it's the only life there is, like it's the only life worth living." _

Poor Elena, he thought, she really did believe it was the only life worth living. They all did, his mother and his father, Paul and Margaret, Michelle did to. His mother even thought it was the only life that counted, the life of the privileged rich.

"_It is. It is the only life worth living."_

But Liam was glad that he had broken free, that he had fought off that illusion and did not accept it as fact. He was like Carla in that sense, he fought back refusing to become all the things that world said he was. Carla had always viewed him as her savior, the one that had taken him away from all of that; but Carla had done much the same for him. And this is why they were meant to be; from the very beginning they were saving each other. If it were a question of need, Liam would gather that he needed Carla more than she needed him. He needed her to steady the uncertainty of circumstances that he felt deep within him. Carla was good at accepting the things she could not change, she was good at facing the ugliness in the world. Liam wasn't as strong as her in many aspects.

Liam was determined more then anything to make sure Cillian's life would be different. When he had learned of that child's existence it had made him realize it was never too late to leave, to not be afraid, to walk on and never give a second glance. It was never too late to be the person who you wanted to be, to love who you want to love or to see as you want to see. And Liam figured that it is because he was seeing the world he knew it had much more to offer than money, trinkets and one point of view.

When he got out of the bath and got dressed Liam came out of the bathroom and noticed that Carla was not in bed anymore. He figured his showering must have woken her and decided to go in the direction of the kitchen and see what he was capable of preparing in terms of a meal.

Carla had already beaten him to it, as he walks into the villas kitchen he sees Carla mixing away at something in bowl while Cillian sits at the table playing with the contents of a bag. Liam notices right away it is the travel carry bag he was wearing on the day he had been walking along the Nile. He had forgotten about it with all the events that have been happening but he remembers it now and that was holding his expensive camera and the necklace…the emerald necklace he bought on the whim hoping to see Carla again.

"Cillian behave," says Carla looking over in their son's direction as he excitedly pulls things out of the bag and then spotting Liam her face lights up, "Good morning."

"Good morning," says Liam walking over to her and giving her a kiss on the cheek, "What are we making?"

"You're making nothing," she says pointedly, "I'm making a surprise."

"It's a surprise enough that you cook," Liam, teases her. He walks over to Cillian and pats him on the head.

"I'm going to ignore that Liam," says Carla smiling one last time before looking down at the bowl again.

Liam just can't take his eyes off of her; it was such an odd thing to see her, his Carla the perfect little rich girl that she had been back at Paradise Palace just working away in the kitchen. Of course earlier he had been planning on attempting his luck in the kitchen so Liam guessed he shouldn't be so surprised. It was just a perfect example of the fact that time changes people; experiences force them to constantly evolve. No one has to stay as they are, everyone has a choice and it is this simple fact made him smile.

"What?" Carla asks looking up from her bowl. She is red in the face from all the concentration, "Do I have flour my hair or something?"

"No," Liam laughs, "Is that why you think I'm staring?"

"Yes—maybe. I'm tired," she finally says taking a deep breath, "I'm going to be honest I learnt most of what I know about the kitchen from Peter. It's surprising I know," she adds when Liam makes a face, "But those bootleggers do spend a great deal of time in the kitchen or whatever room they can when it comes to producing moonshine. But yes I know only how to make biscuits and not very well at that."

It amazed him what you could learn about a person and how each and everyday it was something new. Her helplessness only made her all the more adorable; it only made him love her more and more. He looked forward to just learning things about her everyday, finding new things to marvel in, to be amused by.

"Papa," says Cillian, "Seat with me."

Liam slides into the chair next to his son and stares at him as his eyes light up examining Liam's camera. He pulls and pokes at it with all the curiosity of a child and Liam remembers how he had taken the picture of his son walking of the beach with Sophie and her friend Patrick. He hadn't even thought about it. It was just a simple click of the camera, but now it would always be there something he could have to remind him of the first true moment he saw his son.

"Cillian," Carla looks over at her son, "Be careful with that. You know better then to treat others property like that."

"Yes mummy," says Cillian immediately putting the camera down.

"It's okay," Liam says smiling at him, "You can play with it all you want. But you have to promise that one day you'll learn how to use it."

"Why?" asks Cillian, "What's it for?"

"It's camera and it takes pictures. You know what a picture is right Cillian?"

He nods his head, "I a few with GuGu but GuGu keeps them all to herself and won't let me have them because she says I'll ruin them."

"Then I take some if you and you can keep them all to yourself. How does that sound?"

"Good," he says content but still curious he points at the camera as Liam picks it up, "Can I take a picture now papa? Can you show me how to use it?"

"Sure if you'd like."

Cillian nods his head excitedly his blue eyes radiant.

Liam stands up taking the camera in his hands as Cillian slides off his chair and comes to join his father. Liam scoots down so he can be at the same level as the boy.

"When you want to take a picture all you do is find something you like, something you want to keep in your heart forever or your mind. And when you do, just aim—here like this," Liam says putting the camera in Cillian's hand but making sure to maintain his grip.

Cillian concentrates hard looking through the lens as Liam's finger pushes down on the shutter. They took a picture of something random, a plant. But it was enough to make Cillian very enthused.

"Again papa, again. Lets take another one."

"What do you want to take one of?"

"Whatever you want. What's in your heart forever?" Cillian says.

"You are," says Liam grinning at his son, "You're in my heart forever. Can I take a picture of you?"

"Yes," says Cillian enjoying his father's attention.

Liam positions himself getting the camera ready trying to keep Cillian still. But the child is antsy and easily distracted that when he finally gets a shot, it is when Cillian isn't paying attention. But Liam thinks maybe it is better this way, catching someone off guard. Some of the most beautiful memories happen out of spontaneity and that was beauty of them. Hell he'd probably would have never come to Egypt if weren't for the impulsiveness of Margaret and Samuel to buy him a ticket, he would never had walked along the Nile that day had it not been his decision to browse the market near by and buy that necklace. He would have to give to her soon; she could wear it today at the wedding.

"Take another one," demands Cillian, "Take one with mummy and me."

"No Cillian," protests Carla, "I'm a mess right now an absolute fright."

But Cillian doesn't listen and in his excitement he runs towards his mother tripping in the process. Immediately there is a silence followed by a great cry.

"Oh my goodness baby," says Carla running over her and Liam both at the same time.

"Did you hurt yourself Cillian?"

Cillian looks up at his father his big blue eyes watering with tears and his cheeks flushed. He nods his head profusely holding out his hands and indicating that he has cut his finger.

"Oh gosh, we've got to make that better," says Carla, "I'll go get some bandages."

"No you stay here. I can take him to the bathroom and put it under some water and wrap it up," says Liam. He lifts up there son and carries him to the bathroom, "It's okay Cillian," he soothes.

"Papa it hurts."

"It's just a little cut, it happens to the best of us."

Cillian continues crying as Liam turns on the tap letting the water run. The cut wasn't too bad but for a six year old he could see how it would hurt and he wanted more than anything to take away the world of hurt from that precious face. He grabs for a clothe nearby and taps it in the water slowly putting Cillian to stand on the floor. Next he kneels to the level of his son and gently dabs at the cut. Cillian stops crying a little his face not so contorted with pain.

"Ouch."

"For the whole rest of your life whenever you need to feel brave just look this cut on your finger baby," Liam says, "Your hand will grow bigger and your finger will to, but your scar will always stay the same size."

"Really?" Cillian whispers his tears now drying up on his face he is astonished as he examines the now clean cut.

"Really," says Liam now reaching in the cupboards and pulling out a bandage. The cut didn't really need one, but Liam wanted Cillian to feel better, "It will be a constant reminder of how brave you were for all your life."

"Like you Papa? I'm brave like you?"

"I think you're mother is the brave one."

"Mummy?"

"Yes. In fact she's the bravest person I know." Cillian looks crescent fallen so Liam corrects himself, "Sorry second bravest after you of course."

"Can we take a picture of it?"

"You want to take a picture of that?" Liam says looking Cillian right in the eyes, "if you feel it will be in your heart forever then sure."

"It will be papa. I'll look at it and think this is the day my papa saved me."

Liam doesn't know what to say. He is simply speechless, simply moved to pieces by the simple yet endearing moment he is sharing with his son. Cillian seemed wise beyond his years; like he already understood the things it had taken Liam so long to understand. Liam thinks back to all the letters he has written Cillian, how he had many hopes and dreams for his son.

"…_I hope the world for you, without even knowing all your dreams and goals; I hope every single one of them comes true…"_

He would always hope the world for Cillian. He hoped that he changed never for the worse but always for the better. He hoped that he wouldn't feel the need to change at all and that if ever he felt sad he would learn to make the best of the situation instead of the worse. Cillian was learning this already, he was simply marveling in his scar when only moments earlier he had been reduced to tears.

He remembers what his mother told him when first came to her about his feelings for Carla, how she had turned him away, made him feel as though he had no choice and his opinions limited, like they did not matter the feelings in his heart. It was always to endure

_"What you deserve is what all men deserve, to make the best of the situation God has given them."_

She was wrong and one day he would tell her so. He understood what it was to have a child and he understood what it was to not take things laying down. It wasn't right to put such a limitation on your own child's future to make him feel as though he had no way out. It drives him to say what he says to Cillian next, because he is determined never to be like his mother or father.

"Cillian?"

"Yes papa?"

"Listen to me. You believe you're brave right?"

"Yes papa. I'm brave I got a scare and I'll have it always to prove it."

"Right," says Cillian smiling, "I want to promise me something."

"Alright."

"Everyday you wake up I want to you to fight, fight for a life that is yours and yours alone. Fight for what you deserve and if ever you are unhappy don't be afraid to always fight some more; fight for better, know that things can change as much as they stay the same. Don't ever settle."

Cillian nods his head although some of it may be too much for him to understand he says, "Like my cut; when it becomes a scar it will change but it will stay the same."

"Exactly."

His mother had said once that it didn't matter whom he built a home with or whom he made memories. That all love was something that was learned, that all love was something that could be unlearned. Liam wonders if she looked at him and thought such a thing, that she had learned to love him, and Paul, and Michelle and that she could easily learn to undo that love. Because he looks at the child in front of him and he understands finally what it means when someone is willing to move heaven and earth to make sure their child is safe, to make sure they make the right choices, get the most out of every moment no matter how insignificant…like a simple cut or taking a picture; they could all be experiences of which to learn, to better yourself.

"…_You seem to think it really matters who you build the memories with. Let me tell you it does not. You learn to love even those who you think you did not…Well you can unlearn it to."_

She was wrong again. His mother would always be wrong. This conditional love that she and Antony seemed to believe in would never be his sort of love.

He just wants Cillian to understand that he will always have a choice, much like Liam had the choice to say no to a life in London society and a loveless marriage to Romola Dorscher. Or like Carla when she finally made up her mind to leave the Palace, to leave Antony, to say no to her father. The choice was yes or no and for many years both Liam and Carla had said yes to all the wrong things, before they realized after all the hurt and pain they could've said no along time ago. Perhaps parenthood changed all of that, it must have early on for Carla; when she learned she was pregnant with Cillian at the Palace it had to have.

"Papa," says Cillian, "My cuts better now. Will you give me a bathe?"

"If it's okay with you then sure."

Liam realized he had never really cared for a child fully before, never had all this responsibility of another person fully dependent on him. It could've been overwhelming for many men his age, for the old him even. But he was different because of her, and one day he would tell his Carla just how much she had changed him for the better. How she made him want to live a life he was proud of, how she gave him the courage to start all over again when found that it wasn't.

Love wasn't something to be learned or unlearned, but it was because of love that you learned to do things you wouldn't normally do. That's why at this moment she was in the kitchen slaving away trying to make biscuits even if she didn't know how too. And it was why he is in the bathroom filling up the tub, asking his son how he likes his bathes and learning all the things it took, all the ins and outs of being a father.


	61. Chapter 61

Carla slipped into the dress she would be wearing for the wedding. It was a pale mint green dress with gold lace that fit tightly around her hips and waist area but flowed at the bottom. She was struggling to zip it up when her mind contemplated what jewelry she could wear with it. She reaches for one of her pearl necklaces holding it up an examining her profile in the mirror. She had to get ready soon because Michel hired a driver to take them to the service. The pearl necklace didn't look right and Carla immediately thinks of the emerald necklace Liam gave her in New York, she wished she had brought it with her, but she had packed it away back at the house in the Hamptons refusing to wear it. She would have done the same with the ring, but she and Sophie decided she wear it when they left on the trip so that way people wouldn't ask questions about her "marriage" to Liam. She scrunches her face up in frustration because her hair isn't even done up yet, it just sits on her shoulders lifeless and irritating. Her current state makes her wish she could start all over again, because she can't find her butterfly combs either. Letting out a sigh of frustration she places the pearls back down on the dresser.

"You're not ready yet?" says Liam peeking his head into the room, "Your dress isn't even zipped," he remarks.

"It's impolite to spy on a lady," says Carla staring at him through the mirror. She gives her best attempt at being a snob before breaking down into a smile, "Since you're here you can help me with the dress. The zipper seems to be stuck."

"As you wish," Liam says walking forward with a great air of confidence.

Carla can't take her eyes off how gorgeous he looks in a suit. She hadn't seen him like that in years and it bought back memories of the Jazz Soirée at the Palace, the night of the ball, he looked so refined. She watches as his fingers moves along the base of her shoulder blades enticing her with his touch. His hands gently move her long hair out of the way onto one side of her shoulder. Instinctively she falls back into him, her head resting on his shoulder. She feels his hands move up the length of her, slowly zipping the dress up.

"My own darling" he whispers their eyes watching one another in the mirror, "I have to possess you. I could die," he adds teasingly.

Carla smiles just watching as his one hand moves down her bare arm coming back around to retrace her collarbone before linking his fingers with hers. Their fingers play delicately. Carla feels his lips brush her neck.

"You have to ready quicker though. The car will be here soon."

"I know," says Carla, "I just don't know what necklace to wear. I was so stupid I only thought to bring pearls."

Liam listens intently to her whining his blue eyes flickering with amusement.

"It isn't funny Liam," Carla says.

"Hold on a second, will you?" he says quickly dropping her fingers and turning around on his foot strides out of the room.

Carla waits for him to come back deciding to collapse into the dresser chair. Her hand reaches for a nearby brush in which to comb her hair.

Liam returns walking towards her with a package in his hand and sitting it down gently on the dresser.

"What is this?" says Carla

Liam bits down on his lower lip thinking on how to answer before saying, " I was going to wait to give it to you maybe after we got out of Cairo. I've been thinking over and over in my head how I was going to give this to you, kept on remembering the last time—and the girl at the market place, she said it was all an illusion- that I made the right choice."

"What are you talking about?" says Carla rather confused.

Liam answers her by slowly opening the box and revealing a beautiful emerald necklace incrusted with diamonds. Carla is speechless as her fingers touch the box. Her eyes are alight. He had the very thing she had been wishing for, this impossibly perfect man, her Liam.

"She said, this random women that I met, she said I should forget the girl I was thinking of when looking at the necklace; that she was an illusion and my feelings for her not real. If she see your face now," Liam says carefully lifting it out of the package and walking behind Carla. He places it around her neck.

Again they are just staring at one another. He was just perfect in everyway, so sentimental, romantic and caring. She could never gather what she had done to deserve him.

"Some illusion," he whispers leaning over her and clasping it on her neck.

"You shouldn't have Liam. You give me too much—"

"You remember what I told you? Remember that day in the drawing room when I came with Phillipa and Michelle to take you for tea?" Liam asks now sinking down to the level of her chair and placing his elbow on the dresser.

"Yes," Carla says, "I remember. But still—"

"Say it," he whispers how turning his head to look at her without the use of the mirror, "Go on say it."

"More than any woman in the world I deserve to be happy."

"Exactly. And you know Carla I would do anything to bring you peace and give you comfort. Don't say no to me anymore."

Carla fights back tears. She loved him so much, "But Liam-," she says.

"The world isn't here for you to say to. You just have to accept that I will give you any and everything in this world. I love you so don't say no me anymore."

Before she can protest he gets up gently closing the box and strides to the door, "The driver will be here soon. Cillian is napping, so I'll wake him. You just finish soon okay."

"Okay."

* * *

The wedding was held at a Catholic Church. Diane the bride was absolutely stunning in her white dress. It was done in the art deco pattern and had a train that went on for ages. Her hair was pinned under a lovely embodied veil. Michel looked absolutely dashing in his suit, and more nervous then Carla had ever seen him. It was adorable; the whole thing was so beautiful it made her cry. It even made Liam teary eyed. They were both probably imagining it was them up there.

…_With this ring I thee wed and with all my love I thee endow. With this ring I thee wed and with all I am and all I have I honor you. I give you this ring as a pledge of my love and commitment…_

Carla feels the pressure of Liam's hands in hers as they listen to the vows; his eyes still straight ahead focusing on the ceremony. But she knew he was making a promise to her, that one day it would be them.

…_. You were my yesterday, you are my today, and you will be my tomorrow. All I am I give to you…_

Carla now glances up at Sophie and the bride's sister Emily as they both fail miserably at holding back tears. Joshua and Aaron look on proudly trying to present a macho exterior; but they to soon give way to a few tears, dapping at their eyes with handkerchiefs. Everyone was so full of emotions today. She even noticed that Margaret was also crying and she didn't even know Michel all that well. Carla guessed that that was the power of weddings; it made everyone hopeful at what the future could bring. That hope made everything seem more beautiful, worth the fight.

…_I offer this ring as a token of our love and with it I join my life to yours. With this ring Diane I make you my wife. With this ring I thee wed…_

They kissed and Carla felt warmth within her heart. Wishing these two lovely people nothing but happiness for the rest of their lives. Looking down at Cillian who has been so well behaved, she couldn't be prouder. She ruffles his head gently as he grips her hand and looking up at Liam she smiles. He returns it with a grin. As the bride and groom walk down the aisle and out of the church the guests clap and start talking to one another. Sophie and Emily, Joshua and Aaron all wave and talk at the friends they spot in the crowd following Michel and Diane out.

"So," says Liam leaning in to whisper in Carla's ear, "What do think? Is it time to crash the reception even though we were technically invited?"

Carla returns his devilish grin, "If only out of respect for tradition. Michel wouldn't feel special otherwise."

"That's my girl," says Liam kissing her forehead gently just as people plummeted out of the pews. He was giving her that look again.

Samuel and Margaret make there way over and everyone hugs.

"Reception time," says Samuel, "My favorite. I'm so looking forward to hearing all about your escapades," he teases Carla.

"Behave Samuel," says Margaret dabbing away tears, "Shall we go together?" she asks Carla.

"Of course," says Liam

"Papa!" shouts Cillian viding for his fathers attention, "Hold my hand papa!"

Carla watches as Liam scoops their son up and every female gravitates towards their cuteness. She could be jealous as all the women fawn over Liam and Cillian, but she isn't because Liam said, she was his girl. He'd never have eyes for anyone else.

"Beautiful," whispers Margaret, "Absolutely beautiful, that is."

Liam glances over in their direction and all Carla can feel is butterflies and like she is on a high. Perhaps it was all the euphoria from the last wedding reception, but she doesn't care she can't wait to repeat that history with him. It was time to crash a reception.


	62. Chapter 62

"I am no good at speeches, so Michel forgive me but I hope I will be able to do you justice," Aaron is making his best man's speech at the reception and nervously raises his glass to Michel and Diane, "All I really have to say is that you have a gentle heart, a good heart and you always find a way to be there for the people you love. I have no doubt you will a find a way to be always be there for our dear Diane. I remember when you first told me you were going to make Diane your wife and you asked if I had any advice. I just thought back to my own wedding day and how nervous I was just hoping to get everything right. It's funny because nothing went exactly perfect or right that day, not for Lila or me. We both did some pretty embarrassing things, I forgot suit at home and my uncle had to go and get it for me. We both messed up our vows to and then to top it off, you Michel informed me that we had a bunch of crashers at our wedding," He grins over in Liam and Carla's direction, "Don't worry Liam and Carla we all adore you regardless of how we all met."

Liam returns the grin raising his glass while Carla blushes profusely and tries to hid her face.

"I could have been so furious at Michel telling me these strangers crashed my perfect little day. But really I wasn't, not at all. Because I knew that it was one day, the first day of the rest of my life with the woman I love and as firsts days go it went pretty damn well," easing into the speech Aaron smiles at the guests.

"Go Aaron!" shouts Joshua and a few others helping to make it less stressful.

Aaron continues, "I think people often forget once you take out the pomp and circumstance of the actual "wedding day" you have the rest of your life to spend with the person, a chance to get things right. So before I go off on a complete tangent I just want to say Michel everyday is about the making of marriage. Everyday is about finding how to make things work, how to make things right. It's about taking the best of what you have to offer and finding a way to make it all fit with what your partner has to give. Marriage is about not letting things ruin you and looking to others to give help and wisdom, whether it be through actions or advice. It is knowing that things can go horribly wrong but at the end day, they could be right if you just have the one person you love standing by and waiting for you."

Liam looks over at the always happy and carefree Michel who is now dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief.

"The last thing I want about marriage I have no doubt whatsoever you Michel will have trouble adhering to; it's simply realizing the simple fact that as much as we want a life all to our lonesome, our lives are not our own. You have to make decisions that are no longer about you, and you have to know that you should always treat this woman kindly. The way you treat her affects how she will treat others and so on and so forth. So if you're given the chance to make someone feel better about themselves, always make sure it is your wife. Kindness is the making of marriage and the making of ones whole life. So without further ado, here's to kindness and here's to a making of a long and happy marriage."

"To the making of a long and happy marriage!" The room raises their glasses.

"That was a lovely speech," says Carla squeezing Liam's hand.

Liam responses with equal pressure looking over at her adoringly and leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. The wedding really had been beautiful and vey relaxed. He thought Aaron did a wonderful job on the speech and was flattered at the shout out him and Carla had been given. There crashing of the Bernal wedding had reached legendary status.

"I am still waiting to hear the whole story behind this wedding crashing," says Samuel smiling at Liam from across the table, "I wish I had been there to see you two action. Carla just seems too sweet I have a hard time imagining her doing anything outrageous."

"That's because it was probably all Liam," says Margaret. Cillian is sitting on her lap and playing with her hair charming the pants off of her, "I have not doubt it was him actually. He was just like this one as a child," she says smiling at Cillian.

"If you mean charming then yes," says Liam grinning, "I was a very charming child."

"More like naughty," says Margaret and turning to Carla she adds, "This one had a very changeable look about him. He still does but as a child it was all grinning and innocence to get the ladies to do whatever he liked."

"Oh I can imagine," says Carla leaning to Margaret and urging her to continue on, "I want to hear more about what he was like as a child."

"You already have Carla," says Liam, "I told you I loved to swim a great a deal."

"Is that all you've told her," says Samuel his eyes getting wide with delight, "My oh my you have pulled the wool over her dear eyes. Don't worry Carla darling I know plenty of stories. I let you know what a rascal he was."

"I was not a rascal," says Liam, "Do not try and corrupt her mind against me. I was very lovable and sweet."

"Tell me something he did," says Carla loving every moment of the conversation, "It doesn't even have to be embarrassing. Just tell me something sweet about my Liam."

"He wanted to be a steam fire engine when we grew up," blurts out Samuel.

"Shut up Samuel," says Liam his face becoming red.

Carla however thinks it is hilarious, "What?"

"He wanted to be like a steam fire engine."

"That is such a lie Samuel," says Liam although it is perfectly true.

Samuel raises his eyebrow, "Want to try that again?"

Carla is still giggling.

"We were five okay," Liam finally relents, "And he was worse. He wanted to be the sidewalk," he adds wiping the smirk off of Samuel's face.

"Oh gosh," Margaret laughs, "I remember that Samuel! What strange men we have Carla."

"I know," whispers Carla, "But I happen to think it's adorable he wanted to a fire engine."

"Paul tried to tell him he couldn't be a fire engine. He kept on saying—"No Liam you mean you want to be the man that fights the fire. Not the actual engine—but the poor boy wouldn't listen. Finally his grandmother Caroline just said to let him think what he wanted."

"Still better than being a sidewalk," Liam glares at his friend a bit annoyed that Paul has been bought up. The last thing he wanted to think about was his siblings and at a wedding of all places, when the atmosphere was all about family. He just wanted to enjoy the time with Carla and Cillian and not think about the things that could threaten his happiness, "Lets change the subject."

"Aww," says Carla reaching over and pinching his cheeks, "Is my darling embarrassed? Don't worry I don't think any less of you."

"You better not," Liam jokes as a waiter comes over clearing their plates to serve dessert.

"What else can you tell me about Liam?" says Carla asking Samuel.

"He was always very loving. When Michelle was born my father brought me over to see her and the whole family. My mother was still at home though not yet given birth to my brother. When we arrived they had Michelle in the little bassinet and Liam was just watching over her the whole day. His mother grandmother Caroline told my father he was perched at its side all day. When his father told him to go play he would just run to get a toy, a book, anything really and bring back to the place near the bassinet. He wouldn't leave his sister if anyone wanted to welcome the little Michelle we were told we had through Liam first. I mean as soon as she was born she had his heart, we were like four then and he always adored her. Paul was so different. He didn't care when Michelle was born, he wasn't as astounded by babies because he already knew what is was all like with a baby Liam. I think Liam always had the paternal instinct"

Liam thinks back to when Michelle was born. He used to crept into her nursery at night to give her goodnight kisses even though his mother did not like it. She was his baby sister and he had adored her in childhood. Samuel was right, he spent a lot of time near her crib or bassinet just playing on the floor and keeping an eye on her. The memories are making him sad that he missing her, even though he didn't want to. Margaret and Samuel continue talking but Liam feels the sadness overcoming him.

"Will you excuse me," he says to Carla.

"Are you okay?" Carla whispers she can read his face and knows something is not right.

"Yeah," Liam says he doesn't want to worry her, "I just need to get some air and stretch my legs." He gets up quickly before she can respond and walks towards the exit of the hotel ballroom where reception is being held. Waving briefly at Sophie who is making her rounds around the tables with different guests he paces up the speed so as not to get stuck talking to her. He just needed a moment.

"Liam," says Carla's voice. She has followed him out into the hall, "I know you're not okay. I can see it in your face, you're sad. What's wrong? You can talk to me."

Liam doesn't know why he is getting so god damn emotional. He just hated thinking about how things were left with his family. He could handle not talking to his mother and father, it was obvious they would never accept Carla; but he did miss his sister. He couldn't imagine never seeing her again after all the memories they had from childhood. And even Paul, he did miss his brother when he remembered how he had been as a child. Sure he had not been as caring or sensitive as Liam, but Liam remembers how Paul taught him to ride a bicycle, how he hadn't always been so snobby and full of himself. It had been their mother that made him as such and this saddened Liam because he knew that Paul had it in him to be good, that they were driven apart because he became someone so different, obbessed with status and his own importance. It makes him even more upset to know that because of all drama that went down before he left basically ensured his siblings would never met Cillian. But they made their choice; everyone did so everyone had to deal with the consequences.

"Liam," says Carla grabbing him by both shoulders and steering him around to look at her, "Talk to me."

"I just got sad for a moment remembering Michelle as a baby is all. I sometimes miss her. But she made a choice to try and stop me from seeing you and I don't forgive her."

"I'm sorry," says Carla and he knows she means it with all her heart, "It's horrible to be away from someone you were so close with. Maybe she had her reasons."

"She told mother that I went to see you in New York. I think she figured out you were Dacia Matheson Barlow before I even did. She took what she knew and told mother and Paul," Liam says his voice shaking remembering it all the downfall of his relationship with both siblings, "That's why I called you that day after the meeting in the gallery. Paul had told wanted me home right away and that I was to get married at once. I felt like my whole world was closing in and I had to see you again. And you know what else happened—how we fought and went back home to England to find out what they done, how they encourage mother to move up the wedding because they didn't want me to be with you. I can't forgive them for doing that, I can't forgive them thinking that I was above you."

"But it's clearly hurting you," Carla whispers now taking his cheek in her hand, "Samuel mentioning them probably brings back a world of hurt."

"He doesn't mean anything by it," says Liam, "He still is fairly close with them as well. We all grew up together."

"I know Liam, I know. Michelle maybe just was looking out for you? Perhaps she was trying to protect you. Lets face it Liam I broke your heart plenty—"

"Maybe she was. But Paul he just didn't want me to be happy. Sometimes I think he wants me to be as unhappy as he is with Margaret. That's why he wanted me to be with Romola knowing full well that I loved you. He rubbed it in my face every chance he got reminding me you belonged to Antony. I don't get it, because Margaret however unfriendly and reserve she seems is actually quite nice. She tired with him, she really did and all he did was treat her bad. He never hit her, but he acted like she wasn't worth the time, like she didn't exist and cheated on her constantly."

"He's like an Antony then," Carla says, "You're not like that Liam. You have such a good heart that care so much about a brother who hasn't always been so kind to you. I hope he gives you as much thought."

"He doesn't. Antony is practically his best friend. He knows all of Antony's heartaches and like father Paul puts loyalty to a business partner ahead his own flesh and blood. They were going to inform Antony of your whereabouts, that was the last straw for me."

Carla embraces him in a hug. He can feel her fingers moving delicately through his hair, "I doesn't have to be a choice—I don't want you to sacrifice everything you had with Michelle for me and Cillian. I don't want for anyone I love to have to separate completely from the people who have been such a big part of their life."

"It's okay. Cillian is my family and you're my family. I just needed to get it off my chest."

"Oh Liam," says Carla practically crying, "You shouldn't have to make that choice. You and Michelle were so close and it pains me to think she should not meet Cillian one day because of what she did. She doesn't seem to have a mean bone in her body, and probably only did what she had because she thought it made sense. I know you love her and that you have it in you to forgive."

"How do you know that?" Liam asks because he is not so sure he could forgive Michelle, "How do you know I can?"

"Because you forgave me and what I did was pretty unforgivable. But you still forgave me—"

" But I love you."

"And what's more I love you too. It breaks my heart to see you sad. I know you love Michelle and if I can do anything at all to take away your hurt I will. If I can do anything to make things better I will."

Liam smiles at her, she got him like nobody else. He thought it was endearing the way she was fussing over him now, trying her best to be his rock. He felt sad without Michelle only because they had always said there children would be close. Michelle always said she would enjoy being an aunt to his children the most, that she would tell them all about the lovely things they did growing up. But she made a choice, and that choice was mother and Paul over him. If he were ever going to forgive her it would take a lot of strength from within to do so.

"Thank you," he whispers leaning in a giving her a kiss.

She smiles extending out her hand for him take, "Come on. Lets go back inside. We will dance and put a proper lovely back on that gorgeous face of yours."

Liam laughs cheering up. Carla didn't know how much happier she made him feel. How much it met that she had listened to him and wanted him to be happy. He loves her so much and gently accepts her hand going back towards the ballroom. She always said that she needed him to feel strong, but he needed her much more. He knew forgiveness was something that was possible when he discovered the strength it took to forgive her and how natural it had come to do so. He had never said thanked her for that until now.

Slowly they open the door walking back into the reception just in time. Michel and Diane were in the center of a huge crowd clapping along as they linked arms and swung around adorably. Aaron and the bride's sister Emily were bringing forth chairs.

"Of course," says Carla, "I didn't we'd be doing the Hora with Sophie and Michel being raised Catholic and all, but I forgot Sophie told me there father is Jewish. Sophie said they would find a way to incorporate his culture into the wedding."

"We picked the perfect time to rejoin the reception then didn't we?" Liam says it is practically fate. The first time they had said they loved each other was up on those chairs. The world was trying to tell them something.

"Liam," says Carla stopping him before he walks any further, "I love you."

"I love you too," he says and then grinning, "Now are you ready for a repeat of history?"

"Am I ever," she smiles.

Together they walk over to join the dancing circle.


	63. Chapter 63

"We wondered where you got to," says Sophie as Carla steps into pace beside her in the dancing circle.

"Just talking with Liam," says Carla linking arms with her and another woman as Liam makes his entry on the other side of Sophie.

"Well now that you're back you and Liam need to get into the center of the circle and dance around. All the couples are doing it."

"Patience," says Liam grinning at Sophie, "Patience dear friend. "

Lila and Aaron have just made there way into the center of the circle clapping and jumping around to the music.

"You're on the wrong side darling," says Sophie, "Men are supposed to be on the opposite side. Even Cillian knows that." She points to Cillian who is across from them clapping dutifully while Samuel keeps an eye on him, "Go Liam join your son on the other side."

"I'm going I'm going," Liam says playfully going over to the other side.

Sophie's mother and father now run out from the separate sides linking arms. They look to be in there early 60's and Carla thinks they are adorable dancing, swinging around and switching arms. They look so carefree, so in love. Next it is Diane's parents, neither seems to know what they are doing but Carla admires how they just go with it enjoying themselves. Both sets of parents seem so happy that their children have found happiness in one another.

"I hope Liam is okay," says Sophie, "He seemed sad earlier."

"He's fine," Carla is not going to elaborate, "We talked and he feels much better."

"Good," says Sophie.

They all continue clapping while Joshua and Emily make there way out to the center.

"Go Joshua! You're killing it," a random guest shouts.

"Your turn," says Sophie pressing her hand on Carla's back and pushing her forward as Emily and Joshua get back in the circle, "Go on. You and Liam must dazzle us like the last time."

Carla laughs and enters the circle. Liam does the same from his side. They quickly make there way over to one another. Her heart melts at his magnetic smile and energetic eyes. Linking her right arm with his left they hop around alternating arms as the crowd of wedding guests clap on. She felt like such a different person with him, like anything was possible. If she could have told her old self that one day she would be dancing in a circle at a wedding not so stiff and proper, her old self wouldn't believe it. But so much had changed because if she said to the Carla back at Paradise Palace that she was actually not having tremors so much anymore, that she felt loved and she loved someone back, that Carla wouldn't believe either; but anything possible with this person that was staring back at her. He had given her so much, a darling son, a sense of self worth. And today she seen him sad and its affect on her was so profound, she vowed she would never see her love sad again. She wanted more than anything in the world for him to be happy he deserved to be happy.

"KISS!" says Joshua's voice in the circle.

Carla knew he was going to do something like this. Michel probably put him up to it and looking over she sees Michel standing with Diane. He gives her a quick wink before whispering something in Diane's ear.

"Kiss!" says Sophie now joining in, "Kiss! Kiss!"

"Yes kiss! It will be pay back for crashing my wedding. Consider it a debt paid," teases Aaron.

"I should have known this lot would do something like this," says Liam.

"Now I know why Sophie wanted us in the circle so bad," Carla says.

"KISS!"

"Shall we give into the pressure," says Liam grinning at Carla.

"It isn't even our wedding. They should be coaxing the bride and groom not us," says Carla laughing.

"Sophie and Michel did this," Liam adds.

"I told you Liam they have a fan club dedicated to you."

"Are you going to kiss the girl or what?" heckles Michel, "We're waiting. You two aren't leaving the circle until then. It's my wedding and I make the rules."

"We're giving them all these chances and they just won't even kiss!" adds Sophie.

Liam and Carla stop swinging midway looking each other in the eyes. Liam pulls Carla in by the waist. She blushes because really this is way too embarrassing for her to be doing in front of everyone. But Michel made it clear they weren't leaving the center until they kiss.

"I'm going to kill Sophie," Carla whispers, "Making me do this in front of everyone."

"And I am going to thank her immensely because you are so red in the face. It's adorable, iconic even."

"Oh goodness Liam," says Carla laughing.

Liam leans in and gives her a kiss it is brief and gentle and just enough to leave Michel satisfied.

"Woooo!" shouts Joshua, "Good man Liam."

"Okay now back to you're different sides," says Michel, "Wonderful wedding gift. Thank you!"

"They are very immature," says Carla quickly dropping Liam's hand and going back to her side.

"Hello darling," says Sophie grinning like a fool, "I sure enjoyed watching that."

"I am going to kill you, just so you know."

"Oh no you're not. You know you love me!"

They dance away into the rest of the afternoon. Of course Cillian is a hit just like his father. The guests all adore him and Sophie's father has no problem trying to teach him all the dances. It is adorable watching her son scrunch up his feet as he tries to master the steps, even more adorable when he insists on only dancing with Margaret. The day goes by quickly.

* * *

"Okay bouquet time!" shouts the bride, "Line up ladies."

The women line up as Diane turns her back to them getting ready to toss the flowers over her shoulder.

"I better get it," says Sarah, "I better get that bouquet. Everyone else is just keeps getting married. If Joshua gets married before me I will cry."

"You're time will come," says Sophie and then turning to Carla says, "Are you going to make a try for it?"

"You know I am," says Carla smiling and getting ready to play dirty if by all means necessary she wants to catch the bouquet and bring it over to Liam.

"I hope she throws it here," says Margaret joining them.

"Or to me," adds Lila.

"You both are already married to fine gentlemen," says Sophie, "If one of you catches it I will make Diane do a do over!"

"Okay," says Diane again looking over her shoulders as the women clamber forward, "Ready for it?"

"Yes!" The crowd shouts.

"One, two, three!" she throws it over her shoulder and everyone rushes forward. Carla is not afraid to play dirty and elbows some of the other ladies in her pursuit to get the bouquet.

"OWW!" shouts Sophie as Carla pushes past her. But it was too late.

"Oh my goodness! I caught it! I caught it," shouts the bride's sister Emily.

"RIGGED!" shouts Sarah, "So freaking rigged it's not even funny!"

Carla wasn't surprised there was Sarah being negative as always. However she is a little sad because she wanted to catch it if only to show it to her Liam. Slowly she picks herself up off the ground her eyes scanning the room for Cillian and Liam. She spots Cillian entertaining the bride's parents amazing them with his yoyo tricks. The flower girl seems quite taken with Cillian as well, Carla notices. It makes her laugh, girls had no hope when it came to Cillian. She spots Liam talking with Michel and Joshua. She makes her way over to tell Liam she didn't catch the bouquet.

"Carla, Carla, Carla," says Michel as she approaches, "Hello darling."

"Congratulations Michel. Diane is very lucky," Carla says.

"One can only hope," he says, "I hope you're not too crossed with me for making you kiss like that. Only Liam here says you want to kill my sister."

"Liam!" says Carla, "You're not suppose to tell him that."

"Oh I really couldn't care. I mean better her than I right?"

"You're a horrible brother," says Carla cracking a smile.

"I am. Now what do you want? This is a women free area and you're not wanted at the present," Michel says jokingly.

"I want my Liam," Carla says.

"Her Liam," says Joshua, "Do you here this Liam. You're hers apparently. She won't share you. She's mean."

"I am not," Carla starts laughing. Their teasing was all in good fun.

Liam just grins at her, the dimples forming on his impeccable facial structure, "Can we help you Carla?" he says in his best attempt to be a pompous idiot. He fails miserably because he can't be mean to her.

"I wanted to find you and tell you I didn't catch the bouquet. I am quite sad about it actually."

"Give her a hug Liam," says Michel; "Carla demands a hug from _her Liam_."

"Shut up Michel," says Liam breaking into a laugh, "You are not helping my chances, you know." He gives Carla a hug.

"Oh goodness. We better them leave Joshua we are not wanted anymore. Carla got_ her_ _Liam _and won't share him with the rest of his cool friends. Lets go."

"Congratulations again Michel," Liam shouts before looking down at Carla, "Where's Cillian?"

"Entertaining of course."

"Margaret again?"

"Oh no, Diane's parents. He is showing them yoyo tricks."

"Cute."

"I know," Carla sighs before adding, "I am tired."

"You want to go now? I'm sure Michel and Diane wouldn't mind. I saw others leaving earlier."

"I think we should. We need a lot of rest. We still have things to plan for with me moving to Morocco and we haven't had much time to talk about what I will be doing. Plus I just want to spend sometime with just the three of us."

"Alright. I'll go and get Cillian and we will leave."

"Thank you," says Carla leaning in and giving him one last kiss, "I am really sad I didn't get the bouquet."

"You know it doesn't change the fact that I am going to marry you. Regardless if whether you get some bouquet or not, it won't change the fact that we will be together."

"I know. I just wanted to show you."

"You're so silly," says Liam, "My own silly little darling."

"You're calling me silly? I don't think so Mr. Steam Fire Engine," she teases him.

"I was five Carla!" he says turning red again, "Stop laughing at me."

"You're so cute. I think it's adorable."

"Well I don't" says Liam practically pouting.

"Alright, alright. Go and collect Cillian."

Carla leaves walking out into the hotel lobby she is walking to the hotel exit so quickly she hardly notices when brushes shoulders with a passing man. However upon immediate contact she gets a chill coursing through her body accompanied by goose bumps.

"Sorry miss," says the man. He has an older looking face and when Carla looks into his eyes she gets an uneasy feeling. Still his features are quite attractive.

"It's alright," she says quickly. Looking at him again she thinks she has seen him somewhere before, but she can't place where, "Sorry but do I know you?"

"Pardon me?" he says.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Carla repeats.

He looks at her with those unsettling but familiar eyes a faint smile forming on his lips, "Should you?" he says rather pointedly.

His eyes look at Carla rather strongly and she blushes under his intense gaze. She feels stupid. It was probably because she was so tired and her mind all over the place, "I'm sorry of course not. Something came over me. Forgive me sir."

"Not a problem Miss."

Carla cannot fight that feeling still. Just then Liam walks out of the reception doors hoisting a sleepy Cillian over his shoulders. Carla is in a daze.

"Miss," the man says, "Excuse Miss, you're blocking my way. I'd like to get by and to my room."

"You're staying here at this hotel?" Carla blurts out but she doesn't know why. It wasn't like she had a right to know that information

"Yes," he says a rather amused smile forming across his attractive features, "And if it please you, I'd like to get to my room."

"Sorry," Carla says shaking her head at her crazy behavior. Blushing even more furiously, she moves out of the way.

"Hello," says Liam arriving he looks at Carla and the older gentleman confused, "Is everything alright?"

"Yes—" starts Carla.

"-I was just leaving. This fine lady only fell into my path is all. Good day sir," he says smiling at Liam and then brushing past Carla again he whispers something only she can hear, "Those tremors really do seem to have only gotten worse over the years, don't you think darling?"

Carla lets out a stifled gasp as he gives one last smile, a smile that says this isn't all in her head that he does in fact know her after all. She quickly recovers as to not alarm Liam and watches as the gentleman walks towards the stairs.

"Ready," says Liam shifting a sleeping Cillian in his arms once more, "That was sure strange, that man."

"No he wasn't," says Carla almost too quickly. She doesn't need anyone else reinforcing that the exchange was indeed strange. Everything was just being to be right in the world and she wanted it to stay that way, "Shall we go, " She wants to get out of the hotel right now.

"Carla," says Liam gently reaching out to touch her, "Carla you're shaking all over."

Carla looked down she was indeed shaking. Her whole body was. She knew that man and what frightened her is that someone as eerie as him knew her. The tremors, which had been calming down, were back now in full force.


	64. Chapter 64

"I have only a few more days left until I have to go back to Morocco," says Liam slipping onto the couch in the villas sitting room. He had just put Cillian to sleep and came out to join Carla, who he noticed had been shaking profusely since leaving the wedding reception. He wanted to ask her if she was okay, but he is afraid because he remembers the big fall out they had the last time he inquired about the tremors. He figures he should just try and take her mind off whatever is bothering her, "When do you think you will join me?"

"As soon as possible," Carla responds, "I just need to get my house sold and everything packed. We'll have to figure out what I should bring and what I should leave behind. Also there is the matter of Giulia."

"I'm sure she'll understand—"

"She never really knew you. I don't think she ever really met you. Antony always made sure to keep her away from most adults."

"She did once…remember the day you brought her around to Antony's Practice. She must have been like what? Eight? I remember she was very sweet."

"Well she has changed a lot since then. She is at that complicated age of fourteen. She is very restless, very impatient, a lot like her father Antony."

"If you're worried she won't like me Carla that's no worry. I have a way of winning people over," he wraps his arms around her feeling her spasms calming and he is relieved. He just wonders what has caused it, this increased nervousness in her.

"I should go back to New York the same day you leave. Sophie and I were going to stay for about a week longer. But I figure it would nice for her to spend time with her parents, Michel and Diane."

"Will she be okay with it all? You leaving New York…I remember her saying she was a sort of au pair for Cillian and Giulia."

"She'll understand. I have to do this; I have to be with you. She'll understand more than anyone."

"Okay well as long as you're sure?"

"I am," says Carla curtly indicating the topic was closed.

"So," says Liam stroking her raven colored hair, " What should we do with our last few days in Egypt?"

"Whatever you like and whatever Cillian would enjoy."

"Well there is something I would enjoy, but I don't know what you would think about doing it."

"Tell me," says Carla briefly tilting her head up and looking into his eyes. They look less frightened; she is warming up again and getting comfortable.

"Well Margaret mentioned that she wanted to ride out on horseback before the Sphinx like Napoleon did in that one painting—"

"The one by Gerome, yes I know it."

"Of course you would. You're an artist."

"Well go on. What's your idea?"

"Well Margaret joked that her, Samuel, and I could all get an artist to paint us like that to. But I was thinking ever since we talked about building our own Paradise Palace; I could get you to paint Cillian and I in front of the sphinx. We could hang it in that house one day," he looks down at her rather nervously hoping she doesn't think the idea is silly, "What do you think? It would lovely little memory to fill the rooms with."

"I think it's a lovely idea," says Carla smiling up at him, "A very lovely idea and I'd be happy to do it."

"Only if it's not too much work."

"It's not like I'll finish it in one sitting Liam. All I really need is one good look and I can store an image in my head for ages. We could do that tomorrow if you'd like."

"Only if you're okay with it?"

"You're such a sweetheart, you know that Liam? I never met a man who cared so much for what I was okay with. I hope you know that I'd do anything to make you happy."

"I know," says Liam. He is on cloud nine just happy that she agreed to paint him. He remembers how he once told her stop painting him, and how it had hurt her. They had come so far from the days of hurting one another.

"That means we should go to England one day soon and visit your sister."

"Carla lets take it day by day. I don't know if I can do that right now."

Carla rotates her body sliding onto his lap and looking Liam straight in the eye,

"No one said anything about right now. But promise me that one day you will see her."

"Carla—"

"Liam, promise me?"

"Why?"

"I can't watch you suffer in silence everyday and know that I am part of the reason or the thing that caused it. I love you too much to cause you pain like that anymore."

"It's not because you that I don't talk to Paul and Michelle. Don't blame yourself. It kills me that you blame yourself."

"And it breaks my heart that you will shut Michelle out forever. I don't deserve you, you know. But you never shut me out. I love too much and it's because I love I can't be selfish with you. I can't just keep you all for myself, away from the affection of others. Just promise me okay. Promise you'll see Michelle again."

"Okay I promise," Liam says giving her a faint smile. He locks his fingers in hers as she slowly lowers her head to rest on his lap. He notices her shaking is gone completely now, "I'm glad," he says, "I'm glad you aren't shaking anymore. I was worried—that man at the hotel he was a bit strange. You didn't seem all right on our way back home." He waits for her to respond to say something but she doesn't so he continues, "You were very pale Carla." Still no response, "Carla…?"

Liam maneuvers his head to look her straight in the eye so she can't ignore him. They were turning over a new leaf and promising to tell each other everything. He wanted her to be okay, to be able to tell him if anything was wrong because he could make it all better.

"Mummy, mummy," Liam hears Cillian's voice call loudly from the bedroom down the hall, "Mummy."

"Carla," says Liam now looking down at her again. He can see a dark cloud forming across her face, her lovely features. Her eyes are empty, "Carla?" Liam now reaches down touch her arm and shaking it, "Carla Cillian is calling for you. Carla?"

It is scary but her body is basically rigid and cold as soon as he mentioned the man at the hotel. Liam wants to kick himself. Why was he so stupid? Why couldn't he just have left it alone? Only moments ago his Carla had been somewhat happy, smiling at him and her eyes full of life. Now she was like a statue and it was way more unsettling than the tremors.

"Mummy," Cillian calls out again from the bedroom.

Liam is certain she hasn't heard the child because she is in another world, a world he could not get to. Slowly he lifts her head up sliding his body from beneath her and rushing down the hall to attend to his son.

Cillian said he didn't want to sleep in the dark and asked for his father to keep the light on and the door opened a crack. So Liam leaves the light on and the door open a crack, sitting by his son until he drifts back to sleep. Then he heads back into the sitting room, Carla hasn't moved. Her head is still propped on the couch, the base of one hand supporting her cheek, while the other wraps around her stomach area in a sort of defense. Still she is just staring straight ahead, her green eyes looking at the frescos painted on the villa walls. But Liam is certain all she is seeing is darkness, reliving something horrible. The feeling in the pit of his stomach tells him she has another dark secret eating her alive, another pained memory.

He tries to lift her, to take her to the warmth of their bed. But she won't move, she's like dead weight refusing to be taken from that couch. It is confusing and overwhelming and Liam is panicking, tears forming in his eyes. What had he done to his Carla? Why had he mentioned anything about her tremors known what caused them? Finally he relents accepting that she will not move or rather seems incapable of it. He spots a blanket laying nearby and taking it drapes it over her figure tucking her in before collapsing into the sitting chair next to her. His eyes locked on that expressionless and motionless body, Liam is determined to see her through this, whatever this was. There was no way he was leaving her alone tonight.


	65. Chapter 65

**I really put some time into how I was going to go about writing this chapter. Hopefully its execution is not too all over the place. There are some sensitive topics of abuse, so readers you have been warned.**

Carla had gone to a different place last night and all she knew was that he had to come back; she had to find a way to bring herself back to him. She had heard him calling her name, pleading with her but she couldn't respond, she incapable of doing anything and when tried to move her she just shut down. She never wanted him to see her like this, when her touched her skin she saw the fear in his eyes and Carla was sorry she was doing this to him…

"_To know me is to love me…"_

She had written that in the letter, but now Carla wondered how much Liam could ever come to know of her. She felt that no matter how much she tried to scratch away at the surface, or let him try and unravel her there would be a mystery. Carla remembered how her grandmother told her that women were mysterious creatures. That Men couldn't know every little thing they did and this was the main attraction. She didn't understand it really; she thought it meant just being evasive, leaving things to the imagination. When she first became engaged to Antony in 1911 that was how Carla tried to come across to him, she tried to be like a book no one could read, before realizing sooner rather than later that Antony had no interest in reading her; he was not intrigued by the mystery. He knew behind every mystery lies the truth.

"_They couldn't care about the truth…they could easily rewrite it…the truth is what they say it is…"_

In all these mixed emotions and heightened sadness, she wonders why Liam loves her. How could he love her? After everything little thing she had done, the things she had kept secret, how could he love her? She didn't deserve him and he certainly deserved more than her.

"…_He had just seen this woman with olive skin and the greenest eyes imaginable and he thought she looked from a different time, not apart of this world…"_

Was part the attraction between them, the thing that had pushed them together, the mystery of her? How could he possibly be overtaken with the need to know her upon first meeting? She possessed nothing truly remarkable or worthy of his love and attention and yet Liam was taken with her.

"_I see a lot of things outside how pretty you are…_ _"I see a girl who often looks sad, like she's trap, standing in a room never wanting to give a clue as to her true feelings. Truth is I don't think anyone's ever asked her or even cared what she thought…"_

Did he view her as a project, something for him to crack? Antony certainly never did, he never cared what she thought. But Liam did, and Carla wants to know why. She is being crazy, looking for reasons to doubt Liam and she knows it. She doesn't understand where the sudden insecurity is coming for, why she never questioned such things before.

"_Does my staring offend you?"_

Carla remembers his eyes boring into her that day at the Palace. How they made her feel all sorts of confusing things she didn't know how to deal with. She didn't know how to feel.

"…_I am not so used to people just looking at me. And the way you look at me, I sometimes wish that you would not."_

She feels paranoia. Was he trying to read her, even then? Was he trying to unravel her and for what purpose? How could someone like him love her? He was too perfect, too good to be true. He deserved better than her.

"Snap out of it Carla. He's not the enemy, Antony is," Carla says to herself.

She had snapped from the daze and it was now morning, shifting in the couch she takes in her surroundings; he had stayed with her the whole night. Liam had slept sitting straight up in the sitting chair, his head nodding side to side. She doesn't why but when looks at him, she feels annoyed. Carla never asked him to stay with her, to make himself uncomfortable and yet he did it, he always did such things for her like that anyways. She feels an unnatural animosity and Carla knows it is not right, guilty of thoughts she pushes them to the background of her mind quickly getting up from the couch and tiptoeing down the hallway to the bathroom.

Why did he always have to do this? Why did he always have to be so perfect? She didn't deserve perfect. Slowly she closes in the door, turning on the bathroom sink she splashes water on her face, looking at that blinking empty expression in the reflection. She feels ill on top of the rising anger. Why was she so angry? Why was she so angry with Liam?

"_Do I know you from somewhere?"_

She already knew the answer. It was him… that man in the hotel. He had made her like this. He had made her paranoid and skeptical.

"_Should you?"_

She splashes more water on her face. That voice is hunting her, like it had all the previous evening. His eyes were the only thing she saw every time she closed her own. So unsettling they were, it was like she had been exposed to the darkness of his soul. He wasn't right, the way he had affected her body, how he had changed her deposition; He was making her feel negative things towards Liam which she had never felt before, feelings of resentment that came out of nowhere…just like the man himself. He had appeared out nowhere.

"Fight it Carla," she whispers staring straight into the mirror, "Fight it." She wasn't going to give into any of the darkness, she had to fight against the things that could threaten her very happiness, her mind itself."

"_Go on fight it like I taught you. Be a good girl like I taught you and fight it…"_

Carla jumps around, she has those chills again, those tremors."

"_Go on fight it, fight it…"_

That voice, she could swear it wasn't in her head but echoing in the bathroom.

Carla grips the counter closing her eyes and she sees a flutter of images forming before her face. The darkness of it, the dampness and the smell of it, how it used to smell so horrid, how it only made her tremors worse. Why was she remembering that place now, she would always remember it but why were the memories so vivid? She had hoped to bury those memories away forever.

But she could only remember bits and pieces, things that were vague and not important. There was something she was supposed to remember, but she couldn't? Who was that man?

"Focus Carla, she says, "Think of Liam, he's your happiness; you weren't happy until you met him. Think of Liam." She takes deep breaths focusing on her breathing.

But that voice again and that smell penetrate the walls of the bathroom.

"_Forget them Carla, come with me. You'll never have to worry about those horrible things ever again. You can trust me… can't you feel it? You can trust me… you feel it don't you. You know it."_

That voice, that bodiless voice was talking to her and she sees a hand a mans hand reaching out to touch hers in the dampness and cold. They are older, finely manicured a wedding band on as they grip her younger delicate hands clasping her fingers in their own.

"_We've got to do something about that trembling darling…"_

Carla's eyes fly open. Her breathing is more eradicate than ever.

"Pull yourself together," she says glaring at herself in the mirror, "You have things so well right now. Don't mess things up again," she hisses.

But those words ring in her ear.

"_We've got to do something about that trembling darling…"_

"_Darling…"_

The way the voice said darling it was unsettling. Her thoughts are moving a million miles per second.

"_Darling, that trembling is horrible."_

" _Sir, you shouldn't call me darling."_

"Stop it," she snaps, "Stop it Carla. Stop psyching yourself out."

She was not going to give in to whatever this craziness was. She was not going to let whatever it was that always made her a screw up, do such things again. She wouldn't lose Liam; she had to tell him about that man. She knew very little of what the situation was, but she knew that man at the hotel had had a very negative affect on her. He was triggering images and things she could not connect with or understand. She could very well become a slave to such memories; feelings, whatever they were or she could fight it. She wanted to fight it because Liam was worth her fighting for. She opens up the bathroom door and walks down the hall towards the sitting room, expecting to find Liam. He isn't there any longer, so she goes to the kitchen expecting he may be trying his hand in cooking but there is no luck there either. She hears faint voices and making her way back down the hallway stops at Cillian's door. It is opened just a crack so Carla peeks inside.

"Papa," says Cillian he is perched on Liam's lap holding onto a book as Liam turns the pages, "Keep on reading, please I like this story."

"You like this story? Really? You like King Arthur and his knights?"

"Yes GuGu tells this story to me all the time. She said papa loved to tell her this story! You're papa."

Carla considers pushing the door aside and revealing her presence. But something stops her she doesn't want to intrude on there moment of bonding. Liam has barely gotten time to Cillian by himself. But she wants to listen, to feel the normalness, the things that are right, and an environment only Liam could create.

"Alright silly if you're sure," says Liam continuing on, "It's just that it always seemed a bit more adult."

"I'm a big boy papa! I can handle it. I know how it ends. Please continue."

"I can't say no to you little one, "Liam responds.

Carla's lips form a faint smile. Her perfect Liam, she didn't know what could have made her so negative towards his gentleness. She had just woken up on the wrong side that had to be it. That man had made her uneasy is all.

"Lancelot," Liam continues, "Makes his way through the crowd, pushing through all the knights, "Wondering who is this? What is here? But all he can do is stare remarking to the entire crowd, "She has a lovely face, may God in his mercy grant her grace…the lady of Shallot."

Carla's face turns pale, she lets out a gasp and before she can help it she thinks of Antony that night at the Palace. She thinks of all the things he knew of her and she can't stop shaking as the folds of images accumulate. All those triggers he knew to ignite, how expressions and remarks have double meanings, have histories behind them.

She sees him, Antony again smiling at her in the sitting room, the fire cackling… Giulia sitting on his lap as he tells her that story…

"_She has a lovely face…"_

She feels those familiar hands around her neck. She sees Antony again kneeling over her on the floor. How he said he knew everything, how he would destroy her. He knew much more then her affair with Liam when he said it, he knew something much deeper…

"_I imagine at you're funeral he'll be exceptionally upset, Liam...I wonder do you think he'll remark what a lovely face you have?"_

And then closing her eyes she remembers finally what she's supposed to remember, what her body has been trying to tell her since last night. Those older hands intertwining with hers, that wedding ban on those perfectly manicured hands... in that dampness and cold…All the things she told Antony, she left nothing to the imagination, she left nothing a mystery…

"_You can trust me. You know it you can trust me. That trembling is horrible darling."_

"_Sir you shouldn't call me darling…"_

"_But you like when I call you darling. _

Those brown eyes stare at her, making her blush. Making her feel nervous. She feels her neck flush just like it did at the hotel

_You know it's my pet name for you…"_

Those hands breaching her trust, touching her in a way they shouldn't.

"_I don't want that sir. My uncle did that… I don't like what he did…"_

"_But you know me Caroline. I'm not him, you know me…"_

"_Doctor please…!"_

His brown eyes stare at her with such intensity, making her feel ill. Making her feel rigid and powerless as the chilliness overcomes her. She knows it is no use to cry…

Carla runs back into her and Liam's bedroom heading for the bathroom trying her best to think of someway to combat it but it is too late. She remembers him now

"_Shhh Caroline. Don't make a sound…besides you know I can't help myself… you have such a lovely face…"_

"_Doctor!"_

She remembers him, she remembers that man at the hotel and why his instant contact made her ill. Her uncle wasn't the only one who had been inappropriate with her, the doctor who had treated her in the asylum had to. And Antony knew this, because he knew everything. She had told him that too, she told him in 1911. So she knew that he had be the one behind this, the Doctor's presence in Cairo. Antony had found her finally. It made no sense but he was the only one who knew, not even her father knew. She hadn't seen that man since 1911, Antony had to be using the Doctor to play dirty. He just had to be enlisting the help of Doctor Foster, Frank Foster to intimidate her.

"_You have such a lovely face."_

Carla collapses on the tile of the bathroom. She knew she promised to tell Liam everything, but she can't tell him this. The pain too great right now, she could never tell him this. She couldn't bear to let him see the cracks, she would have to pretend like everything was normal and everything would be okay. But more importantly, she had to convince him they should leave Cairo now and the only way she could do that was by pulling herself together.

**Dipdipmyblueship, you were right about my introducing Frank Foster into the story. I am really impressed with how you guessed so early on lol.**

**And to everyone thank you for reading. I appreciate it a lot guys and all the wonderful reviews. **


	66. Chapter 66

"You seem better," Liam says walking out into the kitchen area. He is exhausted from the uncomfortable sleep last night on top of entertaining Cillian's every whim this morning. After giving his son a bath and leaving him to play while he sees what can be done for a meal he comes upon Carla. She is at the table stuffing paints and paintbrushes into a bag.

"Was I ever sick?" she says looking up at him innocently.

He wonders, does she not recall the previous night? He wants to tread carefully, not wanting to upset her, but he is also worried. He had never seen her like that before. Her body had been so cold, so immobile. It wasn't right it wasn't natural. She continues packing paints into the bag at an excessive rate.

"Where did you get those from?" Liam says observing her hands trying to look for any signs of trembling.

"Oh," she says looking at him and beaming, "I just went to a market place…asked around about some paints. I thought you wanted me to paint you and Cillian," she flashes him another brilliant smile.

Liam just stares at her trying to separate this Carla from the Carla he had encountered last night. He really isn't sure what to do with her. Should he just accept that she was feeling better now, or should he pry? Her behavior had been so strange, so depressive.

She just shut down and it reminded him of the men during the war, how he had often seen them just shut down. It was frighten then in 1918 and it was frightening now. It was reserved for those who had seen things, horrible things they never wanted to experience again.

"You seemed out of sorts last night," he finally says walking over to the kitchen cupboards and opening them to see what he could bring for Cillian.

"Did I?" she says her tone one of share surprise, "Well I feel wonderful now. I got such a great sleep."

Liam knows she is lying. He saw her tossing and turning, whispering all last night. It had kept him from getting any sleep because he was so worried. Plus the chair he had slept in made his back so sore. Why was she lying? What did she have to hide? Or was she trying to protect him from something? It was killing him.

"Really Carla?" Liam says briefly turning around and raising his eyebrow at her. He wasn't falling for this act.

"Yes," she says starting to laugh at his haughty expression, "Why are you being so worried?"

"Because I saw you trembling last night. I saw you restless."

"Well I don't remember a thing darling. Honest if I did I would tell you. As far as I remember I felt fine last night. We talked and then I feel asleep."

He notices that her voice is almost sing song. Like she is trying to make it somewhat seductive and alluring to take his mind off of the issue at hand. It wasn't going to work, not now. He just nods his head curtly thinking to himself this wasn't over. He turns his attention back to the cupboard.

Then he feels her hands around his waist area; her chin coming to rest upon his shoulder, her green eyes beaming up at him very much alive and undamaged. Perhaps he was worrying too much.

"You know I love you right?" she whispers now reaching to stroke his head of hair, "That I will always be honest with you, right?"

"Yes," says Liam his lips cracking into a smile. He can't be cold towards her, not ever. He turns around so that he can face her and leans for a brief but gentle kiss. He can trust her; he can trust those lips, "Remember you can't take it back…not words, or thoughts, or a kiss."

"Or a letter," she says both of them remembering that night at the ball and what he had said to her, "I can't give back a love letter either." She leans into to give him a peck on the nose before changing the subject, "You must get dressed. I thought we would go for a picnic before we see the sphinx. I am painting you, remember?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to stay in after last night…but if you're up to it…"

"Of course I'm up for it. And for the last time, last night was fine. We have to take advantage of these last days in Cairo; we should go out as much as possible. Make memories and then be on our way. We could even leave Cairo earlier then planned, if we play our cards right."

"You seem to be in such a hurry," says Liam again he observes her. She seems to be a bit jittery, a little too enthused. He had never seen Carla so excited in all there time here together.

"I am," she says her eyes searching. She has no inclination as to his suspicions about what she is trying to hid from him, "The world isn't going to wait for us to discover it. Remember it isn't there for us to say no to? You told me that plenty before."

"I did," says Liam still holding her stare. She begins to blush and he could blame it on her adorable cutesy behavior, the way she always melted under his intense stare, but he knew there was more behind it. She was hiding something, whether it be about her health, or her past, he could feel it; she was hiding something. He could read her better then anyone.

He doesn't say anything else, and this makes Carla more uncomfortable. She removes his fingers from hers and walks back over to the table, continuing to pack paints away in the bag. Liam figures she is just trying to do something with her hands, so her tremors won't be as obvious. Silence passes between them, as Liam just stares trying to read her. He hoped she wasn't sick. But things were getting awkward and it was because he was making the environment as such.

"Did I do something Liam?" Carla asks abruptly, her back still to him.

"No," he says now reaching for the oatmeal he retrieved for Cillian and looking for a mixing bowl to prepare it in, "Why would you think that?"

"I-I don't know. But you seem to be acting strange."

"Really, me?" says Liam letting a faint smile form on his lips, "I wasn't aware." He is playing her game.

"You would tell me if you're angry…right?" she says all of sudden flinging a paint container on the table.

This action startles Liam. He is not used to seeing Carla act so petulant, outside of the hotel incident in New York when she did in fact hit him. Other than that she wasn't particularly violent.

"Why are you acting like that?" He says, "Why are you acting like a child? I told you I am fine. Nothing is wrong between us. And evidently _you are also fine_, " he emphasizes the word fine before continuing," So why should there be any of this feeling toward one another."

" Well you don't seem happy with me!" she says unable to contain her onset anger any longer.

"Keep it down, will you. Cillian is awake. He doesn't need to hear you lashing out at me for no reason."

"You keep on staring at me like that! Like I'm some book you have to read. I have nothing to hide, but you won't stop staring," she is now shaking again.

Liam feels guilty immediately. Like he was always doing something to make her feel bad and uncomfortable. He didn't mean to, he just wished she would talk to him. She hadn't been honest about the previous night and she had promised to be honest with him from now on. He had acted childish trying to make her uncomfortable to get her to fess up, but he regretted it now.

"Carla," he says immediately reaching out to touch her, to calm her down, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have upset you. I'm sorry—"

She won't let him touch her. In fact she swerves out of his way and glares at him, "Don't touch me right now. I don't want to be touched," she says that with such an alarming animosity, such an alarming amount of hate.

"What's wrong with you?" Liam says stunned. This only confirms that she has something to hide.

This was classic Carla, trying to push him away when he was on to her. It was exactly like it had been at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York. She had tried to push him away by snapping at him.

"Just go away," She says turning from him and back to the paints, "I don't want a fight with you right now. So you best leave."

She was so frustrating. One second she was hot, all over him completely willing to open up to him, giving herself to him in everyway. The next she was cold shutting him out, acting like a spoiled brat even. She always had to put the walls up, but she should know by now it wasn't his nature to give up that easily. He touches her arm, trying to bring her back to him. To let her know he cares.

She spins around staring his straight it in the face and pushing him away, "Go away Liam," she screams, "Go away go away!"

"Stop this Carla! What is gotten into you? You just fight with me over nothing. What do you want?"

"No I don't," she says her voice breaking feebly, "What I want is for you to go away."

"I'm not going anywhere until you calm down and tell what the hell this is all about?"

"Cillian is up," she says ignoring him, "We shouldn't talk now. You're meant to be getting ready for our picnic… for the painting."

"The picnic can wait," Liam says whispering. From the looks of it there relationship picnic was over as well. Carla was back to being to difficult and he wasn't letting her out of his sight, "You're going to stay here and talk to me Carla. You're going to tell me what's wrong. I can't have you being sad. It breaks my heart seeing those tremors."

She shakes her head, closing off from him, "No, no. I think it breaks your heart to think I am hiding things. But I'm not, I'm serious," her voice is hysterical now. "You just want to control me, don't you? Like them, like Antony!"

"What does Antony have to do with any of this," says Liam losing his patience. She really was looking for any reason not to talk to him.

"Everything. He has everything to do with this."

"You're making no sense Carla. This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you and I," he reaches out to touch her. Big mistake.

But Liam knows deep down he is wrong. Antony had shaped her so drastically; it now affected her ability to have good relationships with others. What her uncle had done made it hard for her to trust men. And her father never really cared to let her flourish; he was old and archaic, with ideas about the roles of men and women. This behavior right now had everything to do with those men.

"Get away!" she flings herself forward and past him making her way down the hall and towards their bedroom.

Liam collects himself. What is wrong with her? He walks down the hall, following her, blocking her passage so she can't close the door on him and shut him out. She wasn't going to act like a child. He wasn't going to have all this irrational fighting. He was going to apologize if that's what it took to stop this uncalled for behavior.

"Carla, stop this," he says pushing the door aside and closing it gently so Cillian can't hear.

She is now making a try for the bathroom but Liam grabs hold of her.

"Get off! Get off Liam!"

"Tell me what's wrong then? Why do you think I have a problem with you? Why do you insist on throwing paint containers around? Why all that for a simple stare?"

"I just can't breathe, I just can't breathe sometimes," she says eradicately tugging at her outfit like it is constraining her in a prison.

It worries him so much he wants to make her stop it. She is scaring him with this action. "Stop it! Stop it!" he says trying to pull her hands away from the dress.

She tries to slap his hand away, trying to define a clear boundary between them, "The way you look at me! I just wish you wouldn't. I just wish you would stop and believe me when I say I'm okay."

"How can I? Carla, How can I when you act like this?"

"I'm done talking to you!" she says ignoring him, "I hate you right now! I hate you so much!" She yanks her hand free from him, retreating to a corner, her face against the wall, willing him to leave.

Liam for the first time sees very childish behavior. She never wanted to deal with things. She just wanted to will him out of the room. Thinking that if she acted like he wasn't there he would just leave finally. This act has him infuriated, almost overcome with a feeling of possession. He wanted to possess her, and he couldn't handle her ever drifting away. His want for her in this moment was strong, so inflaming with all the anger he had to have her. He had to get at her.

"How can you?" he whispers, his anger coming to a crossroads with his undeniable lust, "How can you?"

"How can I what?" she says her face still pressed against the wall.

Only she could make him so angry, to make him reach such a boiling point that all he wanted was a release. She always had that affect on him. He remembers how the first time she slapped him across the face, right after tea and hunting at his brother in laws, he had met her hand half way again with a kiss. He remembers how when she told him it was over; he was so overcome with jealously at all the things she would allow in her life instead of him. How he had been jealous of Antony, even jealous of her own daughter Giulia, jealous of things that weren't even living, like a paintbrush, because they would all get to interact with her somehow, get to feel her touch.

He walks towards her, his breathing constricted by all the want, his thoughts full of her. She still won't turn around. Her black hair is strewn to the side over one shoulder, revealing that beautiful nape. He touches her, his touch electrifying her so much that she wants to move, to escape from him. But he won't let her, he holds her there, his hands delicately touching her skin.

"How can you always evade me?" he finally whispers."

"I don't know," she whispers feebly.

"I want to get at you," he is crying now, "To get at all those things that confine you, but you won't let me in."

He places his head near hers against the wall, admiring her beautiful jaw line; the length of those eyes lashes blinking back tears as she tries to calm herself down. But she won't look at him still. He watched as he chokes back tears down her throat. That beautiful swan like neck that he adores so much. He just wanted to get at her, to touch her. He reaches for her hair, to hold it in his fingers.

"Don't," she begs him crying now. His touch seems to much for her to bear as he reaches for her neck, "Stop Liam. Stop touching me please."

"Fucking Antony," Liam curses. He is frustrated beyond belief.

She doesn't say anything more. But Liam doesn't want to accept that. His hand still caresses her nape. She is closing her eyes, biting her lips trying her best not to come back to him.

"I want to touch you," he whispers, "I want you. I love you Carla."

This is too much for her to handle. She turns around facing him, but she brings her arms up so that the extent from her elbows can block her face. She closes her eyes, just breathing methodically, the tears streaming down her face.

Antony was to be the cause of such heartache. It was him, that stupid father of hers and that evil uncle. Liam hated them all so much; they had inhibited his Carla from ever loving him fully, to the best of her ability. He hated them as much as he wanted to possess her. He wouldn't lose her to that darkness, whatever was eating her up inside. But if she expected that he would just ignore those horrible things that killed her soul, she was wrong. He was so consumed by her hurts, so consumed by her very being he felt he couldn't exist without her, ever truly be complete.

"I want to touch you Carla," he whispers again. He lets his lips gently kiss her neck.

She squeezes her eyes shut even tighter and bangs her head lightly against the wall in frustration. Just biting her lip, trying to fight something. Was it him? Was she trying to fight the way she felt about him? Trying to get him to change his mind about her? He had to make her understand how much he loves her.

"I want the things that should be mine Carla, that are mine. You're mine—" he raises his hand to her cheek wiping away her tears, "They took you from me. Everyday Antony takes you from me, eating way at your soul. Making you're mind go places that you shouldn't have to go anymore. I hate him. And I won't let him take you anymore, not him, or that father, or that uncle. Not anyone. You're mine Carla. You're safe with me…I would never hurt you."

"Let me go please," Carla whispers, "I don't wan't talk about it right now."

"I can't," Liam says pressing against her, touching her, "You're mine. I can't bare thinking if I let you go just for one second that you'll push me away again. That he'll win even though he is thousands of miles away from you, he'll always win. I won't let Antony take you from me, I won't let him haunt your mind."

"This is not the way to do it Liam," she says crying, "I know you love me. I love you too. But this not the way to do it, holding me like this, not letting me go."

"I love you so much Carla. I'm not myself without you. I can't lose you again. And when I saw you on that couch, you weren't there—Carla you weren't there."

"I know," Carla says finally admitting what Liam had suspected all along, "I know. Sometimes I go places I'd rather not go. I try to stop myself, but I can't help it Liam…there are too many places for me to go."

"Try and stay with me okay," Liam says gently, resting his chin on her shoulder talking into her ear. Her has pinned her against the wall, "I need you."

"I'm going to need you more," she whispers and then bringing his head to meet hers she stares at him blinking back the tears. Cupping his face in her hands she raises her body off the wall kissing him.

Liam was relieved. This meant the end of there fighting for now, a fight that really came out of nowhere. Her lips were grateful and friendly towards him she he pursued hers back. She feels her melting beneath him, her eyes coming back to life, none of that craziness from last night, or the petulant behavior this morning. Her ability to switch back and forth like that throughout their relationship had always intrigued him as much as it infuriated him. He just wanted to know her, to be allowed to love her.

Slowly he lifted up Carla's morning dress exposing her to him, hearing her little gasps as she rests her head on his shoulder. He could feel her spasms as he touched her and he felt satisfied that at least there was one thing she would never be able to hide from him that he would always be able to get at, the depths of her desire.

She thinks he is asleep after there intense lovemaking but he is only pretending to be. He feels her soft gentle hands stroking his face, their bodies intertwined in the bed sheets.

"Oh Liam," she whispers taking his fingers and kissing him.

And he wonders what will she say to him, when she thinks he is in deep sleep, put out by all there passion.

"There is so much I want to tell you. So much I already thought I did."

Liam fakes a stir, considering waking up but she continues and he thinks it is better to let her get all her words out. He could deal with the aftermath later.

" You want to know all my secrets and I want to tell you all of them too. But the thing is, I don't even know all my secrets Liam. I don't even know what they all mean. Sometimes they're images and little voices—and they come and go quickly before I even know what they are. I don't just want to tell you them, when I don't understand them. I don't want to cause you so much pain. I think you're stronger than me; you can take me pushing you away. I can't Liam-," her voice breaks.

Liam breathes trying to keep himself together, trying to keep it all in.

"I can't stand it. The way you look at me, the way you touch me, the way you love me…I love you. But the difference is I don't deserve you."

Liam wished she would stop saying that, stop thinking it. He loved her, he thought she was good enough, he knew she was.

"My father once told me there is a natural order to this world, and those who try to challenge it, they do not fair well. God has a place for everyone made, you don't abide Him."

This makes him angry because Liam knows his parents think the same way. They thought so much about the importance of class; the people who should be allowed interact with others and the people who shouldn't. And he was sure Alasdair Gordon was the same, how else could he rule his diamond empire in the Congo, without some notion of a natural order to things. These ideals trickled through all aspects of life and he hated it. He hated how such notions could act as prisons, how these people with there old ideas tried to keep everything the same. If he had listened he would have been married to Romola, but it fought against it all. Carla had to know that he would fight to keep her, to hell with the natural order of things, to hell with God himself, if God didn't want them to be happy. He would move heaven and earth to be with Carla always.

Liam feels those elegant fingers stroke his ear and kiss him.

"I'm just waiting for all it to end. Our little golden world Liam, for God to strike me down and put things back to how they should be. You deserve more than me. You deserve a women not so changeable, perfect, one that your family would accept. Maybe one day you'll wake up and see just how damaged I am, and you'll finally leave like all the others, like you should."

It is too much for him to take. What was she saying? Did she not want to be with him? That the universe said they shouldn't? That God's natural order and her father's wayward ideas would keep them apart? Was she leaving him again…no he couldn't allow it. He wouldn't, he would never let her leave again. He is going to open his eyes but he feels her leaning down over him, gently caressing his hair and then her lips so soft, kiss his forehead. He feels the tears coming, his own welling beneath his eyelids. He tries to keep it together. He would never give her up, he would never give her to anyone, most especially Antony Gordon.

"It was the doctor," she whispers, "The man that made shut down. It was the doctor," she lingers now, "That's all I can say for now. God I wish you could be awake for this Liam, but I can't risk it with you. Not now when everything is so perfect, when everything could beautiful." She strokes his ear one last time, "But this is the way it has to be. I told you the truth, I'm keeping my promise, just not the way you'd imagine I would."

He feels her slide off the bed quickly with the wrapped sheet and plummeting towards the bathroom. He hears her shut the door, the water turn on to disguise what he knows to be her crying. He doesn't know what's worse, not being able to stop those tears or knowing that she doesn't want him to.

Who was this doctor, he wondered? He had to find out. He remembers how quickly Samuel got him into contact with the private detective Bentley Wise when Liam was concerned with finding Cillian. He decides he is going to call Samuel and enlist his help again. He needed to do some digging, and he needed the help of Bentley Wise immediately. He would protect Carla, he would always protect Carla whether she knew it or not or even liked it, he would always make sure she was safe. He was after all as Cillian said, a guardian angel.


	67. Chapter 67

**Sensitive topics of abuse are present in this chapter. **

Carla sat in the bath, she had failed miserably at trying to act normal and keep it all together. But he wouldn't stop touching her, undoing her with every look and every whisper. Of course she would unravel under all his concern and the way he held her against the wall, refusing to let her go. She felt his lust for her in that moment, the hotness of his breath, how even his own desire for her had caused Liam pain. She couldn't escape him in those moments; she tried because when she thought of Liam she thought of everything that was pure. He had guessed correctly when he said Antony had gotten to her. The truth was Antony was always there, whispering in her head telling her he would come and get her. She couldn't help recoil when Liam touched her especially remembering all she had about Doctor Foster and her years at the asylum. The memories where still very vague but they were there. She knew her Doctor had raped her; she must have hidden it away for some years. It was probably too difficult for her to deal with being violated by one person in position of trust much less a second. But she had told Antony some things about the Doctor, because she trusted him and at one time Antony did actually care for her, he even admitted it himself.

"…_But you did love me once didn't you?"_

"_Too far long ago for it matter anymore…"_

Carla lets out a shiver as Antony's voice penetrates her mind. She had to focus on the task at hand. She had to play it normal. She couldn't freak out again over Liam's love and simple affection, no matter how much she knew she did not deserve it. She loves him, and she wants to protect him from all that evil, all those things that eat her alive. The only way to do that, the only way to protect him was to get him away from Cairo and whatever Antony and that Doctor had planned.

She was certain that Doctor Foster was an agent in some plan of Antony's to get Giulia back from her. What else could he possibly want? Antony didn't love her; he only cared for his daughter now. And the limits of his affections even for Giulia had their limits. They reached only as far as he was capable and involved manipulating her for his own gain.

"_Your life is over. I will fucking destroy you."_

She didn't want to sit in this tub and be a helpless victim. She wanted to protect her family; Cillian and Liam's lives were at stake as well. She had to pull it together; she had to come up with a plan. She didn't want to just wait for everything to be taken from her. And she didn't want to believe that she deserved it.

_"You must remember the duty of your soul, earthly pain is nothing next to an eternity outside the grace of our savior."_

Her mother voice rings in her ear, all that stuff about how earthly desires of the flesh could damn her soul. How she must sacrifice personally happiness for duty. And what a duty it was, to be Antony's prisoner instead of Liam's lover.

"_Caroline…"_

Her fathers voice now whispers. She wishes she could shut him out. But he had shaped her so much in those vital early years.

"_Caroline we are the civilized peoples of this world. It is our duty to maintain the law and divine order of things. There is a natural order to this world and those who try to defy it, they do not fair well. God has made things as such for a reason…"_

His ways were what made her s slave to an unhappy childhood and a slave to the church, and a slave to her husband and his constant brutality.

_"He can not love me so much if he can so easily neglect me. My father says that all men are like that, they love to neglect their wives…"_

Yes her father had said that, he had told his own daughter such things with a straight unemotional face. That bruises were to be expected, that wives needed to be kept in line by there husbands, that men where masters over all things. And maybe it is that belief that made him cold to her, when she told him the truth. He had no compassion.

"_Explain yourself Caroline! I waste money on that damn ballet academy! They all like to tell me tall tales about how you'll be dancing for the Russian Czar one day at his court, that stupid school. Because that's where all the good dancers go, right? To the Russian Czar? Don't make me laugh! Why aren't you getting any of those steps right?"_

"_Mark, she's fourteen a little girl! Leave her be…"_

"_Shut up Martha! This is not concern. All matters of discipline are of my domain. I am the master of this house. I enforce the laws, it the natural order. Imagine if I let you my wife discipline our Robert, he'd be a little sissy man! Now explain yourself Caroline, why did you mess up at the recital? You embarrassed our family!"_

"_Papa, I'm sorry!"_

"_I don't want you're apologies. I want an answer."_

"_Papa!"_

_**SLAP**_

"_Explain yourself."_

"_It hurt to move papa. It hurt to sit or stand…"_

It makes Carla cry thinking about it even now. She could have been an accomplished dancer; she was until her uncle had done what he'd done. Then he took it all away, he took Caroline away, as she had told Liam once.

"_Caroline died along time ago Liam. It's been Carla since I was fourteen years old…"_

He made her this weak person, which such a sparing amount of negativity.

And as Antony would so cruelly mock her later on that uncle had taken away her innocence.

"_Leave Martha. I'll show this girl what hurts!"_

"_Mark…"_

"_GET OUT OF HERE WOMEN!"_

Carla winces in the tub getting ready for his slaps just as she remembers them, her fathers cruel hands no compassion within him at all.

"_Father please! I am sorry!"_

"_I waste money on you child. You're mother had to ask her sister for money again for Robert's wedding. It has to be a wedding befitting of our station. I would've paid for my son's wedding gladly, but instead I had waste my funds on you! You and that damn ballet and for what? So you could disgrace me, in front of all our family, my colleagues, all of London society! Good thing your brother Robert wasn't there to see what his wedding funds were being wasted on instead…the shame it would bring him. So you better have a hell of a lot better answer then it hurt girl!"_

"_B-but it did father. Papa it hurt. He hurt me! And he stared at me in the crowd and looked at me funny and he made me feel sick so I fell. I fell on all the other dancers and he smirked…"_

"_What nonsense is this child? Speak plainly Caroline!"_

"_Uncle Aidan, father. He hurt me!"_

"_Why do you always say such lies? How could he have possibly hurt you? Do you need to stand in front of the mirror again, see all that horribleness inside of you? All that lying you tell!"_

"_I'm telling the truth father. He hurt me down there. He obstructed me!"_

_**SLAP**_

"Pull yourself together Carla," she whispers in the tub, "Stop letting them get to you. Stop letting them work you up, these thoughts. You can't change the past now, they ruined all of the things that mattered. Antony ruined you last, doesn't mean you have to keep on letting him."

"_I don't rape you! You're my fucking wife and don't you dare forget it. It's my right! I can do what I like with you, by law and by land, and by the church and everything else in this world…"_

Fuck Antony and fuck her father too. She didn't have to abide by there laws, the natural order of things, and how the church insisted she'd be married to Antony for life, that her place was at his side. It wasn't she was going to fight back; she had to show him that if he wanted to play dirty she would play dirty back. She would stick it to him with divorce papers; finally let his legal controls over her end, and his spiritual. Lets see how him and her father both liked that order of things.

But first she would be play sneaky. She would find out what that Doctor was up to. Why was he in Cairo? She would too dumb to leave it all to coincidence, this had Antony's writing all over it. She had trusted that Doctor, he listened to her about her Uncle Aidan, her Auntie Barbara, her cousin Marie, her father, mother, her wishes that she could have been closer to her brother Robert. He listened to everything and he was kind and warm until he proved himself to be just like her uncle, he killed her with kindness, so he could kill with other things later on.

"_That's a lovely tune Caroline…"_

Carla shivers again bringing her knees to her chest. Remembering…

_She sees his hands delicately touching her own, that wedding band on those perfectly manicured fingers. She loved his attention he was kind to her. He let her play the piano in his office, while he flipped through other patient's flies. Sometimes he wanted her to talk, but most of the time he just let her play the piano. Carla once asked why he had a piano in here, and he said it was to break the ice, to make his patients feel at home. To let them know, they could trust him. He was trying to be progressive in his treatment of patients._

_Whatever his reasons, she was grateful because then she could free of that damp room it was small and so cold. And at night it frightened her with the sounds of all the insane people residing within the walls._

"_What's it called again?" he says smiling down at her making her blush a little because for a Doctor he was quite handsome and young._

"_Twilight and Mist," Carla perks up returning his smile, "Do you want me to sing for you while I play."_

"_Maybe another time darling," he says kneeling down to level with her face. His eyes are intense and the way he looks at her, Carla thinks that he shouldn't, but she isn't quite sure. Opening up the palm of his hand he reveals some sweets, "Would you like some?"_

"_Yes please," says Carla. She always looked forward to receiving sweets from Doctor Foster. She reaches to grab one but he draws his hand back. She is perplexed as he grins at her._

"_On one condition," he whispers, "You can have the sweet on one condition."_

"_Okay, " says Carla her hands settling on the piano keys. She doesn't know why she feels so nervous, "What is it?"_

_His brown eyes beam at her, "That on the next visit we actually get to talk some more about your family. You were talking to me about missing your brother Robert. You said he was getting married in Dublin to a lady named Ruth. And that it upsets you that you may not get to meet her. You think you never will, since your father specifically asked I not allow you to attend the ceremony."_

_Carla feels the tears coming. During the last session Doctor Foster broke the news that she would not be allowed to leave the asylum due to protocol and that even if she did want to her father had sent a letter, strongly stressing she be prohibited from doing so. It broke her heart because she had been so excited to see the outside of these walls, it had been so long._

"_Okay," she says sniffling trying to stop her tears._

"_Oh Caroline," he whispers now motioning for her to open her mouth so he can be the one to put the candy in; she had no idea why he liked to be the one to give her the candy, but he always insisted, "You know I hate to see you cry."_

"_Uncle Aidan gets to go to Robert's wedding. Everyone does b-but m-m-me. They treat me like I have a mark on me. The mark of Cain! Like I did something wrong, when it was him Uncle Aidan" Carla is now crying uncontrollably. _

_She feels the doctor push her head forward against his chest, embracing her in a hug. He was like the father she never had. She adored Doctor Foster. Sometimes she liked to think of him just like Robert. When she was a child, Robert had been home more often. He used to hug and adore his baby sister. That is until his father no longer permitted it, our Robert's presence in there London house. He was sent other places, places away from her and with him went any real genuine affection. She liked to think that the doctor genuinely cared for her._

"_Shhh Caroline. Shhh darling. It's going to be okay. You know it distresses me to see that lovely face, so upset."_

_Carla just cries. Feeling the warmth of this man who is so unlike her father and always so nice to her. He understands why she didn't do well in ballet he understands all her pain. And most of all he was a protector, he would never hurt her like Uncle Aidan had._

_She feels his hands move up on down her back, going further and further. It confuses her, this sort of touching makes her uneasy. It reminds her of Uncle Aidan. But at the same time, she knows Doctor Foster is nothing like him. Still it is unsettling so she tries to move, to break the embrace, but Doctor Foster holds her there, tight in his grip, he won't let her go._

Carla shudders, just thinking about it. He had betrayed her trust building her confidence up slowly so he could use her for his own sickness. But she had to put her utter detest for him aside and figure out how she could possibly slip away from Liam and stalk the Doctor out at that hotel. Liam would be sure to ask questions, and probably not be too willing to let her out of his sight after this mornings fight. She couldn't blame him really, but they had made love and she hoped that would be enough to sustain him.

She just needed a reason to cancel the picnic they had planned and the painting. She justified that they would never have a chance at doing any of those things if she allowed that damn doctor and Antony to terrorize her family. She had to deal with him quick and make her way back to New York to protect Giulia. Giulia only had the company and protection of the housekeeper. That sort of protection simply would not last against the likes of Antony and most especially was no match for Alasdair.

**KNOCK KNOCK**

There was a knock on the bathroom door. Carla assumed it must be Liam maybe he had finally awakened. She hoped her cries earlier by the bathroom sink hadn't disturbed him.

"Come in," she says trying to make her voice cheerful so that Liam won't worry.

But it isn't Liam at the door.

"Sophie. What are you doing here?"

"Liam called us. Well actually if we're being honest, he called his friends Samuel and Margaret and I just so happened to be with them in their hotel suite at the time. Emily was with us and so was Patrick. We were all trying our hand at a simple card game of poker and then Liam called."

"Whatever for?" says Carla a little suspicious and also very worried.

"How should I know," says Sophie making herself at home she sits on the ledge of the tub reaching in and playing with the bubbles, "All I know is that Samuel went over to the phone and was talking loud and then all of a sudden he lowered his voice quite considerably. Emily and I were trying to convince Margaret and Patrick –"

"Wait Patrick from the ship?" says Carla doing a double take. She had no idea him and Sophie were still seeing one another.

"Yes him," she says impatiently before continuing, " Emily the brides sister incase you forgot her too—well anyways we were trying to incite Margaret and Patrick to have a little fun. There is a masquerade ball this evening at the same hotel as my brother's reception yesterday—"

This was news to Carla, but a perfect opportunity as well. The wheels in her mind were spinning. She had wanted a way to access the Doctor again to question him even and this was her opening.

"We're going of course she blurts out."

"Of course darling. See you've got the spirit. Margaret wasn't having any of it and neither was Samuel at first. But now after Liam called he's all for a night out in town, with everyone. Liam now also thinks it is a fun idea and since Margaret is being a poor sport still, she offered to stay back here and look after Cillian—because Carla lets face it, a masquerade is no place for a six year old."

"No one ever said it was," says Carla rolling her eyes at Sophie.

Sophie ignores her, "Of course then we had to sort out the issues of masks and costumes and all the what have you stupidity. Samuel insisted on silk material and dragged Emily, Patrick and I about through the market place until we all found costumes to his liking, none of which were silk by the way! And then to pick out for you and Liam—"

"It doesn't matter, I'll wear anything."

"That's what I said! But Samuel, oh he just wouldn't hear it! Anyways you're going as an opera lady, we're all going as opera people. It was really the most pointless trip of my life."

"That's great," says Carla ignoring her ramblings. The things she complained about were just like that of Maria Sutherland, always so silly. ''I want to get ready right away."

"Well good. So will I. Emily is using the bathroom down the hall to get ready. Patrick and Samuel are in the kitchen. Liam and Margaret are on the couch with Cillian. So we must make it quick.''

''I will, '' says Carla reaching for a towel, ''Turn around will you?"

''Of course, sorry darling," Sophie turns around as Carla wraps the towel around her chest.

Carla gets out of the tub and walks out into the bedroom, "Where is my costume?"

"Over there," Sophie says following her out and pointing to the bed, "The mask is so very lovely!"

"Thank you," says Carla. She couldn't care what it looked like. She just wanted a way to get to Doctor Foster, to figure out what his deal was, "You can change in the bathroom. I'll change out here."

"That was the idea," says Sophie grabbing her own costume off a nearby chair and locking herself into the bathroom.

Carla slipped into her costume. It wasn't really a costume per say. It was a simple dress. It was red, with a black mask. Carla decided she would put on a bit of rogue actuating her cheeks. She reached for red lipstick, dabbing it on her lips. She was satisfied. She looked striking as always, her green eyes popped out.

There was another knock on the door, this time from Liam.

"Are you guys decent?" He says acknowledging that Sophie is in the room with her.

"Yes, come in."

He stares at her, taking away by her beauty for a moment before recovering, "So you know the nights plans then?"

"Yes, Sophie filled me in on everything…"

There is a bit of that awkward silence between them. Carla curses that damn doctor. It was his fault that things were still on the wrong footing between them. But Carla was going to put things right again, even if she had to threaten Doctor Foster and tell him to get the hell out of Cairo and away from her and Liam for good.

Still she was curious as to why Liam had called Samuel. Was it because he couldn't handle being in villa around just her anymore? Did he want to escape from any and all pressure and just party the night away? Carla didn't know, but she wanted to make things right, she would make things right.

"I thought we could use a fun night out…after this morning and stuff," he says staring at her with all the courage he could muster and trailing off he does not finish.

"Well that was a good idea. The party sounds like it will be awesome. Sophie sold me on it pretty well."

More awkward silence

She wished he would speak to her. Say anything at all, "You look nice," she says feebly examining his suit.

"Thank you," he says softly his eyes warming up, "You look like a vision. I couldn't breathe just knowing you're this room with me."

She could die just hearing those words. Because she knows by the gentle softness of his tone, that he has forgiven her behavior, her lashing out him. It was just another reminder of why he was way too good for her.

"Liam I'm sorry," she starts.

"Don't Carla, please just don't."

"But I want to apologize about this morning."

"I forgive you, so can we just forget about it."

"Well I grow tired of you forgiving me!" she snaps. Carla doesn't understand why but she snaps.

She could make all the excuses in the world, but really it ll came down to her pushing him away. That it was easier said then done, for one to change the way they acted, no matter how implusive.

He stares at her, his eyes giving away his deep hurt, " Just don't take that tone with me, not now with all these guests. Just stop."

"You're too perfect Liam!" she says like that will explain anything.

"Yeah, you keep on saying that Carla and then you snap. And then you say you love me over and over again! Well which is it Carla? Do you love me or do you hate me?," he has finally reached his breaking point, "I am tried of sitting around just waiting on you to tell me! Quite frankly I'm beginning to think you're actions speak louder than words. I mean you're clearly mine during all those times I'm inside of you. I know it then, but when were not making love, I can't be certain of anything when it comes to you."

"Well maybe that's a good thing! I always had a feeling you liked the mystery."

He bits down on his lower lip turning his head to the side and shaking his head before he turns to glare at her says, "I'm not going to entertain this with you right now, okay Carla. You calm down and deal with whatever anger it is you have to deal with. I've tried my best with you today. And I'm sad to say I haven't any fight left in me to fight this fight with you tonight. We'll talk when you're feeling better."

"Fine!" says Carla wanting to throw something at him as much as she wants to reach out and grab him, kissing him to bits and pieces. He infuriated her so, her perfect Liam that she would never deserve, "Just fine with me!"

But she was doing what she did best pushing him away. The only difference was he wasn't going to entertain any of her crap tonight. He was being mature, perfect as usual.

"You can go to the party with the girls. Patrick will drive us in his family's rental. He is borrowing it for the evening. You, Sophie and Emily can take Samuel's car. We'll tell Lila to wait out front the hotel, her, Joshua, Sarah and Aaron are meeting us there."

"You're not going to talk me then?"

"Carla, we're done here. Okay done. You got to be silly if you think I am going to talk to you in such a state."

"Liam," she says regretting her anger now, as he was clearly over it all. It was that Doctor causing her to not have proper control of her emotions, and Antony he was the one making her paranoid. She regrets her actions as soon as he walks towards the door, "Liam," she says again pleading, "Liam, sorry I don't know what came over me. Come back please."

"When you stop acting like a spoiled little brat, maybe I will. Until then, we're done. You've got Cillian to think about, so remember that next time you want to make a scene with Sophie changing right next to us in the bathroom."

With that he just shakes his head opening the door , pausing for a fraction of a second before walking down the hall.

Carla feels hot, like she can't breath like the dress is constricting her. She was being such a selfish bitch.

"Liam," she says almost crying.

She hears his voice telling a concerned Samuel and Margaret as well as Patrick to ignore her, that it was a normal occurrence. That he just wanted to leave now.

"Liam," she says again. But then she hears Margaret saying goodbye, telling Cillian to wave them off, as the men make their way down the drive.

He has left her, and she deserved it because she pushed him too it at this point.

"What in heavens name is going on out here," says Sophie opening the bathroom door, her head peeking out through the door crack. She is already wearing her mask, a golden color, "I could swear it was another play by play of the Great War."

Carla glares at her snapping at her to, "Just be quite Sophie! You wouldn't understand!" Carla grabs her mask off the dresser and marches towards the door, turning around at a visibly stunned Sophie, "Well are you coming, or aren't you?"

"Yeah," says Sophie stepping fully out of the bathroom and adjusting her mask, "Yeah right after you."

Carla stomps down the hall towards the living room where Margaret and a now changed Emily are all sitting with Cillian. She feels nothing but anger, and maybe it was just as well she felt this way, like everything was taken from her. Because the only way someone fought back, was when they felt pushed into a corner, to that fatal last straw. They were taking her Liam from her, making her lash out at him. This was all Antony's fault! Doctor Foster better pray she didn't tear him to shreds tonight. She would hunt him down in that hotel, she doesn't care what it takes. And in the words of Antony…

"_Your life is over. I will destroy you!"_

He better be ready for it, and the same went for Antony and Alasdair too. They had all pushed her around for far too long. She wasn't going to take it anymore.


	68. Chapter 68

"What I am sensing is simple really—"

Liam sat at the bar in the hotel with his dear friend Samuel. Liam had been motioning the bartender over for what seemed to be a good solid hour drowning away his sorrows and he knew it wasn't right, but he just couldn't deal with the stress any more.

When he had called Samuel earlier, everything that he needed to do seemed clear. He knew he had to protect Carla and somehow the only way he felt he could do that is if he hired a private investigator to keep an eye on Antony Gordon's whereabouts. He knew Carla had a logical reason to be afraid, but at the same time her behavior was becoming quite illogical. He couldn't do this anymore, not the fighting, the keeping of secrets, not any of it. She wouldn't tell him how he could make things better; she just locked him out of her mind. It was pissing Liam off now, that all he could do is stew and drink. Samuel is talking to him, trying to give him advice as they wait for the P.I. Bentley Wise to arrive.

"It's simple," Samuel continues over on the next bar stool, "You both love each other, but you're both so different. Carla is a complicated woman. It seems she has a lot of things weighing her down. I don't know… maybe it's all the pressure—"

"Pressure from what?" says Liam snapping, "How have I pressured her Samuel?"

"Don't be angry with me Liam," says Samuel giving him an alarmed look.

The bartender comes over with another drink, "Gin and tonic, like you requested sir."

"Good man," says Liam flashing his signature smile at the bartender. He was willing to be super friendly and tip generous for drinks all night, "You're the only person I can stand here this evening. Keep on doing what you're doing! You're a credit to the human race-"

"Thank you…sir?" says the perplexed bartender before giving Samuel a worried glance and turning back to his job of taking other hotel guests orders.

"I think that is quite enough out of you Liam," says Samuel losing his patience. He reaches for Liam's drink; "I think you've had enough drink for the evening. Remember we are meeting the P.I."

"You're a kill joy! You know that, you're a fucking kill joy Samuel!" Liam slurs

"It's because I love you Liam, that I am going to ignore all this recklessness and focus on getting you better," Samuel snaps his fingers at the bartender, "May you please get this man, my dear friend a water?"

"Right away young sir."

"I don't want any water!" Liam yells.

The women wearing a mask chatting on the other side of him with a man Liam presumed to be her husband, gave him a look of disgust. Leaning in an whispering something in her husbands ear, while he glared at Liam and nodded his head ferociously.

"Liam I am warning you," says Samuel his eyes turning deadly, he meant business, "Get it together."

"I love her," Liam finally says feebly. He is ready to break down into a fit of tears. There was no other way to put it, "I love her some damn much Samuel. And all she does it push me away!"

"I know, I know," says Samuel now patting Liam on the back and glaring at the couple muttering at Liam's current state, "I know you love her. But if she hurts you like this…well mate it isn't good now is it?"

"You said I pressured her," Liam remarks looking up at his friend just as the waiter slid a glass of water in front of him, "What did you mean by that?" Liam is annoyed by Samuel making the suggestion that Carla hurt him and therefore wasn't good for him.

"Drink Liam," says Samuel picking up the glass and pushing it to Liam's lips, "I gather you didn't eat much today, did you?"

"Not really."

"I figured as much," Samuel sighs, "I'll have to get the bartender to see what's available in the kitchens—"

"You never answered me!" says Liam getting annoyed at Samuel's concern. When he was drunk he often had a roller coaster of emotions. He was normally a sensitive person. So of course these emotions would be naturally enhanced by his drinking. "How am I pressuring Carla? All I ever do is love her!"

"Liam, calm down…we shouldn't make a scene here."

"Then tell me," says Liam pushing the water away and glaring at Samuel, "Tell me what you mean!"

"I never said you were pressuring Carla. Not in the slightest Liam. I said that perhaps she was feeling pressure, that's all."

But Liam wasn't satisfied and for some reason he wanted to fight. He had to urge to hurt someone just like he had when Carla first deceived him and told him she gave away Cillian. He wanted to hit someone like he had hit Paul, upon returning home to England. He felt his blood rising.

"No," he says slurring his words, "I know what this is all about! You never thought Carla was good enough for me. You always thought she was weak and unstable—"

"What!" says Samuel incredulously, "Oh Liam, cut it out now."

"No I'm going to finish. I am going to say which needs to be said."

"Are you now?" says Samuel smirking at the stupidity of it all and shaking his head, "Go on tell me what I apparently always thought about Caroline Gordon."

"Don't call her that!" says Liam the word "Gordon" just stinging in his ear, making him jealous that Carla even belonged to Antony in name still. And then the use of Caroline he thought to be a demonstration of Samuel's complete lack of respect for his Carla, not calling her by the name she insisted upon.

"What her name?" says Samuel now grabbing for Liam's glass of water and draining it in one gulp, "Go on then. I'm waiting. Say what you have to say and then be done with it. I won't be entertaining this once Bentley Wise comes. So just yell at me and get it out."

"You've always thought yourself too good for her company. I remember Paul used to bash her to your face and you never said a thing!"

"Sorry to say I don't remember that."

"Really?" says Liam getting irked by the innocent act, "So you don't remember the time Paul enlisted your help in spying on me and Carla?"

"If you're talking about that incidence of tree sex, that is a pretty piss poor example Liam. Paul only asked me to take a walk with him on Tom's parents property after tea. I had no idea what he was up until he said to quite down and moved aside some greenery to spy on you. That hardly constitutes thinking Carla was below me. I have always been neutral when it came to you and Carla."

"I don't believe you!"

"Of course you wouldn't. You're drunk."

"You weren't neutral. You've slagged her off plenty of times!"

"She hurt you're feelings Liam! Of course I slagged her off. But you came to me crying about how she kept a son secret from you. Of course I wouldn't like her for doing that to you! We've been friends since our days in the nursery. You're like my brother. But I helped you, didn't I? I've done my best to encourage this relationship even though I don't always agree with the things she has done."

"See!" says Liam jumping up from the stool and pointing at his friend, "There it is. The truth finally."

"I've admitted to nothing horrendous Liam. I've kept my mouth shut plenty and prayed that woman makes you happy. If I didn't want you to be happy I wouldn't be here with you tonight. I wouldn't have come at your first beck and call, so just drop it. You're drunk!"

"What is going on over here?" says the familiar voice of Sophie sashaying her way over to them at the bar in her gold mask and purple dress.

"You got here fine then?" says Samuel not answering her question, "Where are Emily and Carla?"

"Yes I did Samuel. We've just arrived, thank you for asking," briefly looking at Liam with concerned eyes she says, "They are out in about mingling with the guests. Patrick is with them and I am pretty sure Joshua is too."

This pisses Liam off. It pisses him off that Carla is out there dancing in the ballroom area, while he is at the bar being miserable. He knows it is selfish, but she had driven him to such a pitiful state of drunkenness, he felt her rightful place was at his side, sharing in his gloom and doom.

He was being immature, but he didn't care. She made him so angry when she just snapped at him. How could one possibly find fault with someone else for being a forgiving person? She was ridiculous, just looking for reasons to push him away. Maybe he wouldn't be so forgiving from now on, she how she'd liked that. He smirked thinking all his angry resentful thoughts, flashing Sophie a smile that caught her by surprise.

"Hello beautiful," he slurs reaching out for her hair.

"Hello Liam," she says, "Whoa easy now mister!"

He picks up the gin and tonic the bartender forgot to take away practically splashing it all over her dress as he tries to use her for balance.

"Sophie, can you help me with him?" Samuel asks.

"What do you think I'm here for Wellington? Where do you need him?"

Liam watches as his friend so serious with his grey eyes scan the room, finally spotting a suitable booth off to the side and in a more secluded area he says, "Over there. Lets put him over there."

The two each drape a side of Liam's body, putting his arms around their necks and shoulders as they drag him to the booth.

"He is in no state to be out tonight," says Sophie to Samuel, "He looks a mess."

"He is a mess," Samuel sighs, "Just keep Carla out of this room okay."

"Why? What if she wants a drink Samuel? I just can't tell her not to go in here."

"Just please don't let Carla waltz in here. It's because of her that Liam is in this state to begin with"

"It can't all be Carla's fault," replies Sophie quickly coming to the aid of her friend, "She didn't force those gin and tonics down his throat."

"I'm not saying that she did. I'm just saying that she is part of the reason he chose to drink tonight. Now Sophie I really don't want to argue, but were expecting someone here tonight and I would prefer if Carla didn't come in here, okay. So can you please keep her out on the dance floor?"

Liam was drifting in and out of his stupor just listening to them bicker. His thoughts all over the place but mostly full of Carla and his anger towards her unreasonable behavior.

"That depends…tell me who you're meeting?" says Sophie trying to gain some leverage for a favor in the future.

"A gentlemen of London Society. A Mr. Bentley Wise, he's been a dear friend of mine living in Cairo for some years," Samuel lies.

"You never told me you had a friend in Cairo—"

"Sophie please—"

"Okay, okay. I'll promise to keep Carla out of here."

"Thank you, thank you so much!"

"You owe me Wellington. I will collect," she says adjusting her mask. Just before she is about to leave she adds, "And a word of advice, put something in his stomach, sober him up. He's in no position to be meeting English gentlemen like that."

"Noted," says Samuel giving a sigh of relief.

Sophie headed towards the exit back out to the ballroom, around the same time an older gentlemen walks in with a bowler hat. Samuel turned his full attention back to Liam hoisting him up to sit properly in the booth. He also called a waiter over requesting a pitcher of water and something heavy to be brought from the kitchens.

"I suppose it will be all on me to do the talking tonight Liam, you're being absolutely insufferable."

"Mr. Wellington," says the man with the bowler hat approaching, " Mr. Connor, " he says eyeing the drunk Liam rather amused, "How do you do?"

"Wonderful," slurs Liam, "Just bloody wonderful."

"We're excellent," says Samuel flashing the man a smile, "Mr. Wise please have a seat. Can I call for anything?"

"Not now Mr. Wellington, although I will have a brandy with my cigar and cards in the smoke room later on. For now I'm fine. Now what can I help you too fine gentlemen with this evening? I assume you need more leads to find Mr. Connor's son?"

"No," says Liam perking up and becoming more alert, " I have different job for you this time around."

"I'm all ears Mr. Connor."

"I need you to find Antony Gordon, a Mr. Antony Gordon."

"Alright," says Bentley Wise retrieving a pad and pen from his coat pocket and scribbling, "Seems easy enough. Is he a society bloke? Only the name sounds familiar."

"Not a surprise he is a notorious little fucker," says Liam glaring just thinking about that stupid man.

The private investigator ignores his snide remarks determining that it's best to talk to Samuel so he can be quickly on his way for a game of cards in the smoke room, "Anything else?"

"That should enough for now," says Samuel, "Just keep tabs on Antony Gordon—I can give you all the information you need but just keep an eye on him."

"No!" shouts Liam in his drunken state, "That's not all."

"What else then?" says Samuel looking at Liam annoyed.

"Yes what else Mr. Connor?" says the P.I.

"I not only want you to find that self righteous prick, but when do find him; I want you to kill him!"

"Ignore that last statement," says Samuel panicking as the P.I. starts to scribble that down as well, "He's not serious, and that statement is off the record, please erase it immediately."

But Liam is damn serious; he has never been more serious about anything in his life. Samuel had no idea what Antony did to Carla, how he had destroyed her. Liam wanted Antony to pay. Everyday that man was alive created only one more obstacle in Carla's mind for why they couldn't be together. Liam didn't want to share Carla with anyone anymore; he refused to let her be destroyed by Antony. Liam wanted the things that were his and Carla was his.

"No," says Liam asserting himself, "Don't erase it. Keep it. I'm dead serious. I want you to kill find someone to kill Antony Gordon."

Samuel gave Liam a wide eyed stare his mouth opened in surprise as he shakes his head in disapproval. But Liam doesn't care what he thinks because that wasn't even the half of it.

" And Not only him Mr. Wise, I want you to also track down and kill a Mr. Mark Donovan and his brother in-law… a Mr. Aidan Moran , I believe that's his name."

"I can fact check it," says the P.I. scribbling some more.

"Are you up for it, we all know you have the reputation of being a shady ex-pat, with some questionable business associations. You can get the job done, right?" says Liam starting to sober up with the conviction of his plan coming into frutition.

"Sir," says the P.I. his eyes flickering between Samuel and Liam both unsure of how to answer, "I'm not sure I'd be up for it—my records—the ICPC has been keeping a watchful eye on me since 1924. I don't want to do anything to piss them off."

"Nonsense," says Liam surprised at his own shrewdness, his unnatural hard attitude, "You seem to be a very reliable man, am I wrong?"

"No sir—"

"Then I can depend on you?"

"Liam," says Samuel hissing, "This is the booze talking. You wouldn't be saying this, if it weren't for you being so upset. This isn't the sort of man you are—you're not Antony Gordon."

Liam ignores his friend, waving his hand out of the way he improves his posture making his stance as he leans over across the table searching the P.I.'s eyes, "Do we have an understanding Mr. Wise?"

"Yes sir, yes Mr. Connor. We understand each other perfectly. But there is the issue of payment—I have a bunch of men I have to get in contact with—they'll be wanting perks and all that jazz—it is a very serious thing…killing a man, much less three. But they could do the job, some are really good political fighters- a few Marxists , bootleggers… and what not—"

"I don't care what they are as long as they tear Antony Gordon limb to limb. I don't care if the make whole cities bleed red while they're doing it. Just get it done. The money is no issue."

"Alright sir, we have a deal."

Liam reached across the table shaking the P.I.'s hand. It is firm and Liam feels he can trust this shady ex-pat with a questionable reputation for now. Besides that was Samuel's reading of Bentley wise, perhaps he was actually reliable.

Samuel stares at him in disbelief. He knows that Samuel is sickened, but at the same time Samuel didn't understand the way he felt about Carla, how he would always protect her no matter what. He would always protect the things he held closest to his heart, Antony had to pay for his evil once and for all. Then everything would be fine and Carla could be his completely, he could touch her without her having to recoil, having to shut him out.

The P.I. scripples down some notes as the waiter finally returns with the pitcher of water and some meaty stew from the kitchens. Samuel takes the opportunity to lean in and voice his concerns.

"I know you love the women. She is the mother of your child it is understandable. I admire the love you bare her, truly Liam I do. But I say this as a friend; there is a fine line between love and obsession. If these feelings cloud your judgment so much, you lose parts of who you really are. Liam you're no murderer., You don't have it in you. You're good."

"You and I both survived the war for you to know that isn't true. The whole of England did. We all have it in us to murder when absolutely necessary."

"But that was the war!" says Samuel not yet grasping he was losing his friend.

Liam is fighting back all doubts. He knows that his friend is talking sense, but Samuel hadn't seen how Carla had been on that couch. He hadn't held her in the darkness of the night, listening to all the things Antony had done and that uncle, her father…Samuel wasn't there. Liam didn't want to kill anyone, or so he always thought, but he reached such a point of fear, fearing losing her again he couldn't take the risk.

If his love for Carla caused him to be so blind, to bring him to the point of contemplating another persons murder; to lose himself to the darkness bit by bit everyday, then so be it. She was worth the risk, if his life had to regress in order for her to walk forward into the light, to gain a bit of her self worth back everyday, it was a sacrifice Liam was willing to make, the greatest sacrifice one could make for somebody they love. He had to bring her back to him he just had to, it was that simple.

"This could be your ending Liam…" says Samuel still trying to reason with him, "Your ending."

He doesn't care not anymore; these words have absolutely no affect on him. He never understood why it should matter so much, why people should be so concerned with their inevitable deaths; with what waited for them up above or down below. Everyone was going the same way they came anyways.

His instincts from the war set in. He had to protect his family against Antony; his own son could be in danger. So he could either sit by and wait for Antony to strike, because the truth was Antony would strike or he could do something about it, Liam could stop him. It all came down to the fact that if one wanted to live, was willing to fight for what was theirs they had to face the harsh reality of this world; it was either kill or be killed.

If at the end of all of this, he lost himself for good, at least he could look back and say that he wasn't afraid and that he never turned his back. That was a better legacy he could offer Cillian than Antony could ever leave Giulia. Antony Gordon had to die.

**I hope that none of you readers will be disappointed with the darkness and direction of these last few chapters. I hope that I have made the feelings of Liam and Carla both clear to the point that it would be understandable as to why they are both behaving so impulsively and rather reckless. Anyways I hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank you for reading everyone. **


	69. Chapter 69

"I just want a drink," says Carla. She had been waving down waiters all evening but the champagne was not to her liking at all and to be honest neither was the company.

Usually she would have enjoyed the friendliness of everyone. She adored Aaron, Lila, Joshua and everyone but their usual friendliness was coming off as possessive this particular evening, most especially with Sophie. She wasn't letting Carla out of her sight and it was becoming quite aggravating, as Carla wanted to slip away and search out that Doctor. She had no idea what she was going to do when she found him, but she deal with that issue when it got to that point. For now she just wanted to find him, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with Sophie linked at her arm.

"Don't you just love that girls swan mask, it is so stunning," Sophie remarks holding Carla in a arm tight grip and pointing at random people just complimenting every little thing, "Don't you think Carla? it's absolutely stunning."

"I don't know," says Carla curtly, "But I do know that you're hurting my arm. Please let go," she adds in a sugary sweet voice, but sure to make her growing annoyance known.

"But we're going to dance!"

"That's what Patrick is for."

"But he's talking with Emily."

"Let go of me please Sophie," says Carla losing all patience, "I need to go to the powder room."

"Then I'll go with you," says Sophie.

Carla eyed her suspiciously. She wondered had Liam but her up to being Carla's nanny for the evening? Was Sophie's job to spy and trade secrets at the end of the night? It was typical Liam, not trusting her. She didn't even know why he bothered to say he did any more because he clearly didn't. His insecurities were infuriating. But she knows more so that she is infuriated that he finally had enough and walked out on her earlier in the evening. She hadn't seen him at the party yet, but Patrick insisted they had all come together. So she'd just have to take his word for it.

"Never mind," says Carla, "I don't have to go anymore."

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life," Carla snipes. It was clear now she'd never be free of Sophie and this would be a waste of a night.

"Sophie," croons Emily stumbling over with a champagne flute and Patrick following closely behind, "Come with me to the powder room. I need to powder my nose."

"Now?" says Sophie annoyed, "Why don't you just go then?"

"Not without you though. You're my sister now, we have to do things together."

Sophie turns giving Carla an exasperated look. Carla just shrugged her shoulders, over them all for the evening. She had enough of their antics to last her a life time.

"Go on Sophie, be a good sport and take Emily to powder room," says Patrick quickly releasing the girl and making his getaway to Joshua and Aaron.

"I think I'm going to throw up," says a giggly Emily.

"Oh goody," says Sophie.

"Get her out of here. She obviously can't handle her liquor," says Carla.

"I am," says Sophie glaring at Carla, "No need to be bitch about it. She's much younger than us you know," with one last look of contempt at Carla Sophie props her sister in-law up guiding her out of the ballroom.

Carla regretted being a bitch then because she was left in the company of Sarah, her least favorite person from this group of friends. She needed an exit desperately after listening to Sarah's negative ramblings as everyone at the party danced and drank champagne. Carla droned her out, just thinking of how she wanted a stronger drink to get through this insufferable evening.

She can't believe Liam thought this would be a good time, and she was pissed that he virtually ditched her. So much for never leaving her, she boiled inside. But immediately she feels guilty, Liam had every right to be angry with her. She had found fault in the fact that he forgave too easily; it was simply a silly fault to find in a person. Perhaps she wanted to hurt him before he could hurt her. Perhaps it was all just a defense mechanism. She didn't know all she knew was that she had pushed him to his breaking point that he didn't even want to be around her right now. But they had made that promise that even if they hated each other at times, they would never run away. She hoped he wouldn't run from her forever.

A waiter walks by with a tray of champagne flutes and Sarah instantly grabs one for each them handing on to Carla.

"To a wonderful party, surprisingly," she adds because this women Sarah couldn't ever just be nice about anything.

"Yeah," says Carla curtly, "Sure…whatever," the two clink champagne glasses and Carla downs hers immediately.

Just then she stops a very handsome tall man with dark blue eyes and a broad frame. He is quite tall and Carla notices he keeps looking at her as another lady tries to occupy his attention. He is leaning against a decorative support beam, wearing a black mask and suit. His stare is rather intense almost adorable in the way he keeps glancing at her, and sipping his champagne. Carla decides to look away and pretend to be interested in what Sarah has to say. She shouldn't be looking at other men in this vulnerable place she had gotten herself into with Liam.

"…All I am saying is that it wasn't fair that Emily caught the bouquet. It was clearly rigged as she is the bride's sister and I don't support cheating of any sort. But if that's the sort of women Michel wishes to build a life with, then by all means he is free to. But I always expected more of him…"

"Yes, yes of course," says Carla nodding her head faking interest. She glances over at the area where the tall attractive man was standing only to find that he has gone. Then she feels a light tap on her shoulder.

"Excuse me Miss."

Carla turns around to find the handsome and tall man smiling at her.

"Yes," she says getting rather red in the face.

Sarah takes this as her cue to leave walking through the crowds to find what everyone else has got up to.

"Do I know you?" the tall man says.

Carla notices he has stunning blue eyes. They are so penetrating from behind that mask and they remind her of Liam's pretty eyes.

Carla gives him a faint smile, "I don't think so," she said this rather flirtatiously it made her feel guilty. Why was she talking to this man, she loves Liam. But she was allowed to talk to another man right? It would never amount to anything, this conversation with this alluring man.

"Shame," he whispers smiling.

"What happened to that girl I saw you talking to?" Carla asks raising her eyebrows

"She was a bore," he says in a seductive drawl, "But something tells me you're much more interesting."

"Is that a fact?"

"Yes. You don't seem boring at all. You've got that changeable look about you."

Carla backs into a support beam to get a bit of distance from the handsome charmer. As she goes to lay against a beam, he extends his arm out leaning over her using the beam for support. He was very forward, a lot like Liam in that regard.

"Well sorry I can't do anything for you there," she says staring up at his blue eyes, "I'm here with someone. I'm actually married, you know."

When she said she was married she only thought of Liam the man she should be married to not of Antony. It reminded her of the task at hand, she still had to find the doctor and figure out what Antony put him up to, whether Antony now knew of her whereabouts and second identity. The list was countless; did he know of Cillian as well?

The tall man bits down on his lower lip, grinning at her, she notices he has dimples. Just like Liam's as well. This man really reminded her of Liam except he had lighter hair and was much taller. She really missed Liam right now.

"Liar," he says almost aggressively.

"All truth, I'm afraid."

"Where is he then?"

"I don't know," says Carla enjoying the banter, "But I do know you have to let me go. I have places to be."

Carla turns her head to the side, her face now facing one of the ballroom exits, which lead out into the main hotel lobby.

She turns her head back to him smiling, "You're still here?"

"What's your name?" he asks seductively

Carla bits her lip, just smiling, "I'm not going to give it to you. You're wasting your time."

"Pretty please?"

She looks past him now, she hadn't meant to but she looks past his shoulder onto another ballroom exit. A big archway where the booked hotel guests come through, it has a spiraling stair case that brings them into view. And that's when Carla is certain that she sees him, it had to be him. It was him he had appeared out of nowhere again.

She lifts her head off the beam immediately watching as the doctor shuffles down the spiral stair case, he is not wearing his mask, but holds it in his hand waving it about as he descends the stairs. Their eyes meet from across the crowd, he is visibly stunned upon spotting her, but it quickly manages to turn it into a faint smile. That sick bastard, she thought, she wanted to tear him to pieces. She moves the tall gentleman's arm out of the way, getting ready to step forward as the doctor now turns around to head up those guest stairs again. He was avoiding her, why Carla wondered.

"Excuse me," she says rather frantically as she must get to Doctor Foster and quickly.

"Wait," says the tall man, "Aren't you going to tell me who you are?"

"Are you?" Carla says turning around midway in her step to have on last glance at him. This whole thing was pointless; she would never see him again anyways. He was very attractive there was no denying it, but she loves Liam.

"Trevor," he blurts out, " My name is Mr. Trevor Dean."

He takes off his mask so Carla can see his full face.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Dean," Carla says deciding it best she not bother giving her name in return. She turns around again glancing at the staircase seeing the doctors legs disappear from view in the archway. She had to go now.

But he grabs her wrist delicately, his hand sliding down to touch her fingers. She feels this weird electricity, and it frightens her because that is something she has only ever felt with Liam before.

They share an intense stare; Carla can see the lust in his eyes. She had that affect on men, and she felt truly sorry for entertaining his stares all evening, but she had to go. With one last look, she releases his hand letting it drop softly. Seeing his eyes turn sad at the heartbreak and feeling truly horrible for it all. She disappears through crowd, heading through the archway and up the stairs. She hopes the doctor didn't get too good of a head start.

"Excuse me, excuse me," says Carla as she heads up the spiral stairs colliding with many a gentlemen escorting their ladies to the party, "Pardon me, Sir."

She reached the top of the guest's staircase, which would allow her direct access to the rooms of the hotel without having to deal with the reception workers or meddling staff. She was grateful to have gotten this far as she reaches the door at the top. Looking through the glass windows, she spots him walking down the hall. He seems to sense her presence, as he quickly looks over his shoulder catching her eye before continuing onward, disappearing through the crowd of hotel guests on there way to the ballroom masquerade.

Carla's steps become more methodical and she quickly removes her mask so she can search him out better. Pushing the swing doors open, she maneuvers through the crowd, surprised at her own determinedness. But she remembers what Peter once said to her, when she feels weak, that she is a fighter. She wishes Peter was around right now, he could teach her some moves on how to attack this Doctor and aim for him where it hurt.

She pursues him onward down that long stretch of hallway almost losing him twice. Through another set of doors she encounters another party, the whole area full of cigarette smoke and Jazz music as people swing around the stage, or sit and talk at the tables. He is walking rather methodically also; very aware she is following him still but not bothering to look back anymore. He walks to another set of doors at the end of that Jazz area, opening them with those perfectly manicured hands. She spots his wedding band; it sends shivers down her spine. He disappears through them, those glass doors and Carla rushes forward, opening them hastily. Her heart is beating. This was it, the showdown she was waiting for, although she wasn't so sure she was ready.

"Remember you're a fighter Carla," she chants, "Make Peter proud. Do this for Liam, Cillian and Giulia."

The footsteps echo now, because it is just the two of them now. No noise at all. The lights that hung above each suite room were dim and gave the hall an almost ghostly feel to it. It was eerie and it made Carla shiver more. But he wouldn't turn around still. What was Doctor Foster playing at? They walk down the long length of the hallway he stops at room right at the end. Not even hesitating once as he opens it and goes inside.

"Crap!" Carla curses. She should have walked faster. But still she continues on stopping at that same door.

Her eyes roam over the door handle. She is apprehensive, frightened even. But what's the worst that could happen? Carla had already endured the worst of this man. But still, why hadn't he turned around? Slowly she lifts her hand it is trembling as her fingers reach out and grasp the door handle. She turns it pushing the door open. The room is pitch black, and that is enough to make Carla want to turn around and run out, but she hadn't come this far just to run away. This mans presence in Cairo was threatening her families existence; she had to protect Liam and Cillian. She had to protect her Giulia as well.

She hears the relentless beating of her heart, her labored breathing as she stands in the dark. He must be playing games with her, enjoying her fear. Sick men like him thrived off of this certain thing. The silence is eerie, the darkness petrifying. She figures she should feel around for a light switch and just as the idea pops into her head, the lights go on. Carla jumps, swinging around trying to figure where Doctor Foster is. She hears the clanking of a glass behind her and already being jittery she jumps once more, coming face to face with the man she hasn't seen since 1911.

There he was standing before her pouring a glass of brandy from a vile placed on a big oak table.

"Hello Caroline," he says smirking up at her, "Fancy meeting you here."

She notices his brown hair has started to grey a bit. She hated him so much, that air of superiority he gave, which made him think he could do whatever he wanted with no regard for the feelings of others. He was evil, but he was the evil that came in a handsome package, that everyone trusted.

"Does you're wife know you're here?" Carla finally musters glaring at him with cold eyes, " Does she know you spend your days chasing after young innocent impressionable girls?"

He looks down at his glass again screwing back top the vile, before placing it back on the mantle.

"I hope that is not meant to describe you Caroline?" he says staring at her with his intense malevolent eyes, "Come on now? Let us be real darling. We both know you were never impressionable. And you most certainly were never innocent. I don't care what anyone says, you were never like a little girl."

"You're sick," Carla whispers utterly disgusted by him and his reasoning, "I have no other words to describe you other than sick!"

"Not this again Caroline. I don't know what you're talking about, but if you must know I do hate lies. I think you're uncle Aidan hates them too."

"Shut up," Carla says she can feel the anger rising. She wants to hit him, but her anger has left her paralyzed.

The Doctor shrugs his shoulders just leering at her for a time before taking a few casual sips of his brandy. There is a silence between them as his eyes penetrate her. She feels dirty the way he stares at her, violating her all over again.

"What do you want?" Carla finally musters, "Why are you in Cairo? Who sent you?"

A faint smile forms across his lips, his brown eyes dancing with amusement on his eerie yet attractive face. He walks past her swigging his brandy glass in his hand towards a big brown leather den chair facing in the opposite direction of her, looking out at the window.

"Can you believe this?" he says putting his hand around the top rail.

Carla wonders if he is indeed so deranged by his sickness that he is talking to himself. Or if he is in fact playing another game. It was pointless and it was a mockery, she didn't appreciate it but he continues anyways.

"The lady has so many questions. Don't you think we should enlighten her finally? I mean she's smarter than you ever gave her credit for. She remembered me pretty quickly—"

"Whom are you talking to?" Carla says annoyed as much as she is freaked out.

Doctor Frank glances up at her smirking before looking back down his head extended out in front of the chair. He was clearly looking at someone, "We have a third person joining us this evening," he says rather delicately.

Carla gets chills, goose bumps all up and down her arm. Antony it had to be Antony, "Antony?" she says her voice quivering, "Antony is that you in that chair?"

She wants to turn around and run straight for the door. She was so stupid in coming here; Antony would kill her in this room the first chance he got. Why had she been so stupid? But she is stuck, stuck in that terrifying position of the prey waiting to be devoured by her predator.

"Better," says the Doctor enjoying her agony, "Even better my darling."

Taking the rail in one hand and the manchette in another he spins the chair around soon to reveal the source of Carla's terror. When she sees him, she lets out a big gasp, her throat feels constricted, and her legs weak.

"Hello dear Caroline. Good of you to come. We were wondering when you'd get here. It has truly been such a long time."

His brown eyes are cold, not matching his smile at all. It scared her how much they looked a like, she almost did a double take, not believing she was staring into those eyes, that he had come for her at long last. Slowly and with precision he rises from the chair with the air of a true patriarch, a man of aristocratic grooming and authority no one dare to question.

Carla want's to remain small, but she is trembling, trembling so uncontrollably that she falls. Her eyes pressed against the mosaic rugs of the hotel suite, she watches as her own tears fall from her lashes. This was not a good stance; not for someone who wanted to appear willful and strong. But this just too much, his presence meant al bets were off, that a divorce would be virtually impossible as he had friends in all the right places where friends needed to be. She watches as his black shoes walk closer and closer to her, and she shivers as he kneels down. His rugged and tanned hands extend out in front of her face, offering to help her up. She hesitates wondering if she should accept it or try and crawl towards the door. But she thinks better of it, slowly she extends her elegant fingers out to meet his. She gasps at the pressure of them, the strength in them for such an older man.

"Now that's the spirit Caroline," he says, "It's far too early for you to be doing that."

He examines her like he would one of his many trinkets or special diamonds, his hands grip both her shoulders and he smiles an uncharacteristically proud smile. She is afraid to breath, just waiting for him to say something else.

"Welcome home Caroline. Now that one thing which belongs to my son has been returned to me, I wonder can you help me with the other two?"

She says nothing because she is immobile. But he is not deterred.

"I wish to see my grandchildren Caroline, I wish to met my grandson. You've kept Giulia and Cillian away for far too long."

She can't say anything else, but this terror absolute terror. Alasdair Gordon had come and worse he made it clear he was leaving until he took her and Cillian from Liam and returned them to who he perceived their rightful owner, his son Antony. She was just grateful Giulia was safe for now at least she prayed her daughter was safe. But only time would tell whether Alasdair of Antony had already taken Giulia back to Paradise Palace again.


	70. Chapter 70

Liam's head was starting to hurt and he rested his head on the table of the booth while Samuel shook hands with the P.I. Bentley Wise and sent him on his way. Wise had offered them an invitation to join him in the smoke room for a hand in Poker and to indulge in the cigars and brandy. Samuel respectfully declined while Liam slumped towards the wall for support. His head was pounding and this bar room had enough smoke as it was. He just wanted to rest his eyes for a bit now.

Liam felt more confident, like he had made some progress now that he figured out what he wanted to do. He felt he was calmed down enough to see Carla again, and was considering asking Samuel if they could all just go back to the villa and call it a night.

Samuel sat back down next to him picking up the spoon for the meaty stew and stirring it around.

"I hope you know, you're going to have to eat some of this. We can't have it going all to waste and you need to have something in that stomach."

"I know," droned Liam. But he will still too weak to move his head away from the wall much less eat anything.

He wants to join the others now because Samuel was much too serious for his liking at the moment and Liam wanted to relax now that he had secured Carla's safety. He felt like he could breathe again and Samuel was sucking out all the air with his pessimism.

But he didn't have to go anywhere in order to see the others, because just then Sophie made her entry into the bar room dragging and navigating her sister in law Emily towards their area.

"In you go," Sophie says practically throttling Emily into the seat across from Liam, "You can join the likes this drunkard here Emily."

Emily just let out a feeble moan; barely able to keep her eyes open she closes them and rests her head on the wall just as Liam was passing out immediately.

"My evening has been ruined Wellington. I thought it'd all be a bit of fun, but no. I have a drunk hanger on for a sister in law and bitchy friends to deal with."

"You're not the only one," says Samuel, "I've had my share of outrageous behavior this evening," he says shooting Liam a look, "People saying things they know they'll regret in the morning."

He was still trying to change Liam's mind about the extremity of murdering Antony Gordon. But Liam was just ignoring him now.

Sophie lets out a deep sigh settling in next to Emily as Samuel does the same across from her sliding down next to Liam.

"I think I'll need a drink," she says, "Wellington I'm absolutely done in for the evening."

"What is with you calling me Wellington? I haven't had a person call me that since boarding school, the teachers and such."

"It's such an awesome last name—a reflection of our friendship—"

Samuel lets out a laugh and Liam rolls his eyes. Sophie was quirky and all but he could tell her behavior with Samuel was crossing over into another territory. The pet names and the tone of voice, it was annoying Liam to no end.

"He's married, you know," Liam slurs, "To my friend actually. You may have heard of her, Margaret Wellington."

"What are you going on about Liam," says Samuel shaking his head and glaring at Liam with his greys, "We are merely talking. I have no designs of Sophie at all."

"Yes Liam," says Sophie giving him a wide eyed stare, "I do have a gentleman I'm interested in, Patrick. I met him on the ship coming here to Egypt."

"Oh you mean the idiot that was with you that day on the Nile; the one who couldn't be bothered to swim and save my son Cillian? Is it that Patrick, Sophie?"

"Liam," says Samuel losing his patience, "I am warning you right now—"

"What Samuel?" says Liam giving his best attempt at acting innocent, although he figures his remarks are perfectly justified in everyway.

"Cut it out."

Liam ignores Samuel annoyed with Sophie for her behavior with his married friend and says, "Word of advice darling, don't have kids with that Patrick fellow. He'll let them all drown."

"LIAM!" says Samuel again.

Sophie's eyes start to water and then the next second she bursts out into tears. Liam is truly not caring, because all he said about Patrick was true; he was a coward through and through. Liam felt on the other hand that he was strong, a real man who protected his family. He had jumped into the water that day to save Cillian, not even knowing the boy was his. Samuel had done the same.

"You're so horrible to me…BOTH YOU AND CARLA! I've done nothing wrong all day and Carla has been a complete bitch to me."

"There, there Sophie," says Samuel getting up to comfort her, "He wouldn't be saying these things if not for the drink—"

"What's Carla's excuse then? She barely drank and she was a right old bitch. I should have let her come here earlier. I shouldn't have been good friend to Liam like you asked. Because it is quite clear neither of them appreciate it!"

"Who doesn't appreciate what?" says Sarah appearing out of nowhere holding a spritzer in her hand. Joshua is with her holding a brandy, "Glad to find you bunch finally."

"She's just venting about Carla and Liam, not being appreciative," Samuel explains.

"Liam's right there," says Sarah, "And drunk by the looks of it."

"Yes, thank you Sarah," says Liam, "Thank you for announcing the elephant in the room!"

"Just shut up you," says Samuel glaring at Liam and then turning to Sarah says, "Where is everyone else?"

"Well," says Sarah sighing, "Lila and Aaron are dancing away. And as for Carla," she takes a drink from her glass before smirking, "The last I saw her she was being romanced by a handsome stranger—very tall with gorgeous blue eyes. They looked simply besotted in one another."

"What" says Liam immediately going pale. Sarah had to be bluffing; she liked to cause negativity constantly. She lived for it, "You're bluffing."

"I'm afraid not Liam. Saw it with my own two eyes."

Liam felt ready to reach across the booth and smack someone. This had to be a lie, Carla wouldn't be talking to any guy like that, letting them romance her away as Sarah so boldly put.

"Liar," he whispers, "Liar, liar, LIAR!" The affects of alcohol were coming back in full swing.

He wanted to hit that smirk off of the troublemakers face, and makes a move to claw at her. He knows it's not very gentleman like, but Sarah was such a bitch. Joshua however blocks him.

"Calm down Liam. I'm afraid to say I saw it as well, but Sarah's telling the truth. She came on over to my group as soon as Carla ditched her for the stranger. She pointed them out to me—I didn't believe her at first. But Liam they looked to be getting cozy. Of course we could all be reading too much into it." Joshua takes a gulp of his brandy giving him sympathetic eyes.

"You bet you're ass you are!"

"And can you believe Joshua wanting all the group out there to keep quite about it? Well I'm glad I had never truly intended to go along with the group," says Sarah glaring at Liam, "Since you're being such an insufferable human being."

"Yes, thanks a bunch Sarah. Thanks for telling," says Samuel, "It's me who's going to have to deal with the aftermath, not you!"

"Anytime," Sarah simpers, "And just for good measure, I'd just like to add I saw her hold his hand—just as she was about to leave, they held hands."

Liam needed to get out of this room right now. He needed to find Carla immediately. Right away a dark cloud of jealousy overcame him. He couldn't believe for a second that Carla would ever entertain another man's thoughts, she loved him, and she only had eyes for him.

But then he remembers what she said about Peter.

"…_I kissed Peter once."_

Liam is overflowing with anger and panic combined. Guilt creeps in as well. If another man was in fact monopolizing her, he had no one else to blame but himself. He had walked out on her at the beginning of the evening, he felt he must have pushed her to it, into another mans arms; to act like she was seeking attention from another kind soul. Perhaps she was just looking to incite a response out of him, to test whether he still cared; well it worked he cared so damn much he felt his heart would implode. He had to find her, apologize for all the stuff that happened earlier and put it all behind him He already had to contend with the threat of Antony, he didn't need the threat of another. But he was still pissed that she would even allow another man to touch her, since she had been so adamant he not touch her this morning. When Liam found that man he was sure to hit him for not learning to keep his hands to himself.

"Get out of my way," he says firmly to Joshua, "Get out of my way now!"

"No, I can't do that Liam. Not while you're in this state."

"Get out of my way," Liam repeats. His patience was really being tested right now, "Joshua I'm not going to ask again, GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"Yes Joshua," says Sarah not helping the situation, "Please get out of dear Liam's way. I'd be happy to show you the handsome gentlemen Liam—you could teach him a lesson or two about putting his hands on another woman's wife."

"Wife?" says Sophie all of the sudden. She took a break from crying to glare at Liam, "Don't make me laugh! Carla's the furthest thing from being his wife!"

Liam now remembers Carla had told her everything. She knew unlike Lila, Aaron, Michel, Joshua, and Sarah that they were not married.

"Now, now Sophie, "says Samuel trying to diffuse the situation. "There's no need for that—"

"What? The truth! Those two go around all evening acting like insensitive persons. Why should I care about any of there feelings?"

"Liam's drunk Sophie. You're not and that makes all the difference."

"I've always heard that people say what they're truly feeling when drunk," says Sarah again not helping the situation; then holding out her hand to Liam says, "Come along Liam. I'll take you to that man; let you give him a good talking to. Marriage is sacred, it's not you're fault that man doesn't respect it."

Liam can't help but feel another stab of guilt. He never respected the fact that Carla was married and still is married to Antony Gordon. Yet he was making a fuss out this whole debacle. Still he justified his actions as being that he cared for Carla deeply since the day they met, he cared for her and loved her unlike her husband ever did. This was the difference because there was nothing that that other guy could possibly have to save Carla from, Liam had done all the saving. Carla was his and if everyone in this room thought he wasn't going to fight for her, they were dead wrong. He reached out and took the hand of his most unlikely of allies. He lets Sarah pull him up despite Samuel and Joshua's protests and drag him across the bar towards the ballroom. His head was pounding still and he knew it was going to be a long night.

"Okay Sarah," he says trying to stabilize his step, "Where are they?"

"Well Carla," says Sarah enjoying every moment of her sabotaging, "Last I saw of her, she was heading up the guest stairwell, under the archway. Perhaps the tall man slipped her a room key—maybe a secret rendezvous is happening at this very moment."

Liam didn't even want to think that right now. The thought of it was enough to reduce him to tears and his heart would truly break. He just wished Sarah would tell him what's what before planting paranoid thoughts in his head.

"Did he follow her?" Liam's main focus was rearranging that man's face. He wouldn't blame Carla for anything that happened until he knew more details. For all he knew this man sensed her vulnerability and took advantage of her in such a state.

"No," says Sarah her eyes scanning the crowd as she grasps his fingers in an airtight grip "I can't be certain where he is now. But he can't have gone very far, now could he? It's a hotel."

"Right," Liam agrees, "There is only so many places he could be or could've gone."

Liam now feels a tight grip from behind on his shoulder in a power play against Sarah for control of his body. He turns his head to face Samuel.

"What do you want now? You're not going to change my mind! I'm going to hunt that jerk down and punch him out, with or without your support."

"I know," says Samuel sighing, "You're as stubborn as a mule Liam. That's why I'm coming with you. I'm you're best friend after all and if once you hear this gentleman out and decide he needs a thrashing—well you're going to need back up, aren't you?"

Liam shrugged his shoulders but deep down inside he was happy, happy to know that Samuel would always have his back and would always be loyal.

"This way," says Sophie pointing in a random direction, "I saw the gentleman talking to that fine lady over there earlier. Maybe she knows where he's gone, and if all else fails will go up the archway."

"Alright," agrees Liam accepting the pressure of Sophie's hand in his with Samuel's clasped on his shoulder, "And we have to make sure to fine Carla. Carla's what's important. For all we know he could have tried something on her, and she didn't want his advances."

"Hmm," responds Sarah not really agreeing, "Whatever you say, now come along both of you. We have a lady to question."

The three began to make there way through the crowd, it was sure to be a very long night. Liam just wanted to rescue his Carla, punch that man in the face and call it an evening and go home to his son.


	71. Chapter 71

**This chapter is a bit longer. I warn that it has issues of suicide present. **

**Thank you as always for all the reviews and support. **

"Please do have a seat dear Caroline," Alasdair says popping a cigar into his mouth and lighting it. He was still smiling down at Carla like she was some prized possession he had just acquired and not as though she was an actual human being.

Carla stood rooted in her place on the mosaic carpet partly out of fear and also out of the need to make a stand, to show this man he could not control her like she was some doll.

"No thank you," she says coldly mustering all the courage she possessed to glare at him in those pretentious brown eyes, "I'd rather die then ever endure your company again."

"There's no need for that," says Alasdair proceeding to walk over to the fireplace mantle and pour himself a brandy, "I insist you have a seat."

"You're not getting Giulia! You're not taking her from me," Carla spits out. She was rather edgy and her hands were showing signs of onset tremors.

"Well that is precisely why I'd like to talk to you Caroline," he says turning back to face her. He swings his glass around watching her with cold eyes before propping himself down into the nearest sitting chair, "You test my greater sensibilities dear Caroline. I would've been a proper English Gentleman and waited for you take a seat, but I forgot you're as stubborn as mule. And alas I'm too old for this."

Doctor Frank takes a seat beside Alasdair also staring at Carla with those cold brown eyes. His look however is one of amusement while Alasdair's is stern. Carla still does not move. She is thinking about her dreams to be granted a divorce from Antony, and she figures perhaps she this could be a possibility if she appeases Alasdair.

She knew Alasdair never particularly liked his own son and sometimes she doubted whether he even loved Antony; Alasdair was so changeable when it came to his son. He often switched from disinheriting him one day to allowing Antony all the privileges of his wealth the next. This included the best of lawyers, money, just about anything Antony desired. But whether this was done out of love or for the sake of protection ones family image; Carla would never know. All she knew at the moment was that she wanted to be free of Antony once and for all. Slowly with great trepidation she takes a seat across from the two men.

"What do you want from me?" she whispers looking at her father in law.

"Well," he says taking a big puff from his cigar, "What I wanted was for you to sit down, so thank you for that Caroline. Your maturity has much improved since I last saw you. Now I'd like for us to have a decent adult discussion about my grandchildren. There are my heirs, I think it fair I see them."

"Antony is your heir," says Carla, "Not Giulia not at all."

Alasdair just raises his eyebrows clearly struggling with whether to say something but deciding the better of it, he takes another sip of brandy exchanging looks with Doctor Foster before continuing.

"Tell me Caroline, what do you know about this famous New York painter? She goes by the name of D. Matheson Barlow…paints beautiful flowers. She's becoming all the rage back in England at the moment. The Wellingtons are happy to show off their collection, while the Dorscher's couldn't get rid of theirs fast enough, even the Viscount Astor and his wife Nancy have gotten into the fray, the cousins in New York send paintings frequently."

Carla knew he was trying to scare her. It was obvious he knew her second identity, he was a man with many connections and although this would usually send her into a state of panic, she did not care. She wanted him to spit out his intentions or whatever blackmail he had and be done with it. There was nothing these two men could do to her that she hadn't already experience before. The only difference this time was that she would fight back like hell she refused to be bullied anymore.

"Bravo for you Alasdair," Carla says, "Bravo, for finding out my secret. I suppose now you'd like me to ask how you uncovered it? How long you've known?"

"Actually I haven't known very long. I had my suspicions. I visited Antony back home a while ago and saw a whole bunch of newspaper clippings. My dear son, he seemed obsessed and then a Michelle Connor happened to drop by one day—I was enjoying a brandy by myself when I heard her and her husband going on and on about this painter in New York. The same one Antony seemed to be preoccupied with following and then it clicked, the painting technique looked very familiar and I knew or rather had a hunch it had to be you."

"And did you tell Antony?" says Carla, "Did you tell him all you suspected?"

"He already knew Caroline, I didn't need to tell my son a thing. The last thing he needs in such a state is for someone to confirm all his truths for him. Antony can be very spoiled as you well know, take that and combine it with his compulsive need to always be right and the results are volatile."

"Did you or did you not tell him?"

"If I told him, you would've been back at the Palace long ago Caroline. Luckily for you, I kept an eye on him, made sure my son didn't do anything stupid. But then I got this birthday letter from none other then dear granddaughter Giulia saying how she missed me so. And then the shock of my lifetime came when it also signed by a grandson by the name of Cillian. How could you keep that child's existence a secret from me, from his own father?"

Carla does not answer. She doesn't want to get into details with the Doctor sitting right there. She was still wondering why his presence was necessary, what Alasdair was truly playing at.

"What do you want?" Carla says boldly again, "Outside of seeing Giulia, what do you want from me? I've moved on with my life, I will not return to Antony if that's what you're wishing for."

"Is that so?" Alasdair says raising his eyebrow and smirking at Carla, "Tell me then, what is it that you wish for? I mean there has be a reason why you decided to finally seat down and join me, why even the panicking isn't so pronounced anymore. I'm convinced you are trying to put on an act. Whatever for?"

"It's no more an act then what you're putting on. The both of you are monsters."

"Is that the going story now? Is that the one you've been telling yourself nowadays?"

"Yes! Now what do you want?"

"Will you leave us Doctor Foster? I just need to talk to my daughter alone for a minute", says Alasdair.

"Of course sir. There is something I am meant to be doing anyways," he says standing up and walking past Carla he leers, "I shall you're lovely little face soon enough."

"Don't talk to me!" Carla snaps disgusted by the sight of him as he goes through a connecting door and leaves the room. She still had a mind to murder him as soon as. He was scum.

Turning back to Alasdair Carla sees a deadly look plaster on his face, like his patience is wearing thin. He looks even more dangerous then Antony in this moment, but Carla is more afraid of how he could attack her mind. Unlike his son Alasdair was not particularly violent towards women.

Finally talking again he says, "I'll never tell Caroline. I'll never tell all of what I want until I am satisfied with my first plan of action. You keep asking me that question like I'm going to answer you, and I find it truly pathetic. My little workers in the Congo on my newly purchased rubber plantations—do you think they can get away with such pitiful questions?" he laughs for a moment before going stern, "Of course not? They know that as soon they ask, they get their hands chopped off! It's the natural order of things. I'm not afraid to hurt someone if I must accomplish a greater end. So all you need to know is that I may very well hurt you if you don't manage to hurt yourself first. Therefore it is pointless for you to keep asking me what all it is that I want, I think the answer may very well hurt you. And we can't afford that right now, not when I need to negotiate Giulia's future at the present."

"Giulia's future is with me."

"How can that be when a father has legal rights over his children. You haven't even gotten a divorce yet."

"I will," says Carla leaning forward and glaring him straight in the eyes.

"And how will you go about doing this? Regardless of you file a petition the courts will rule in Antony's favor. You'd be silly to think otherwise as your indiscretions with that Connor shipping heir is practically common knowledge. I hear he is in Cairo as well so this behavior between the two of you is ongoing."

"I want a divorce Alasdair. I want a divorce from Antony now! I don't deserve to suffer!"

"Suffer?" Alasdair says indignantly, "How has my son made you suffer?"

" You know he kept me a virtual prisoner of his hate and animosity, a virtual prisoner inside that godforsaken palace!"

"Godforsaken palace?" says Alasdair hardly believing his ears, " A prison you say? God you women you never learn."

"I tell what I feel," says Carla, "I tell what I feel and I'm not afraid anymore!"

"Oh and you suppose that makes you endearing, does it?" he glares at her and it is obvious that Carla has hit a cord deep within him.

He takes a few more sips of his brandy before setting it down on the side table and proceeding to get up and walk towards the window of the hotel suite. Carla is silent because the temperature and air of the room has changed considerably and she wants to play this smart, not antagonize him any longer about Antony. Her eyes are glued to the back of his greying hair, waiting for him to speak. She just wanted a divorce and if she could appease Alasdair he could in turn convince Antony.

Still looking out the window he speaks, "My great grandfather had a piece of land he bought, I forget the year now but it written somewhere in the Gordon family histories. He used to use it for hunting game and so forth with all his very important friends. My grandfather on the other hand hated hunting so he devised a plan to put the land to good use. The area he had always found so beautiful during his childhood, like it was a place he could always go and be free from it all."

Carla just listened wondering what the point of this family history all was. She had more important matters at hand, especially pertaining to her safety.

"Great grandfather represented everything my grandfather didn't want to be. And as these things often go, the conflicts between a father and son; they tend to repeat themselves over and over again; history repeats itself."

Carla tapped her foot nervously and somewhat impatiently. She had no idea why Alasdair was telling her any of this. Why was he opening up now? It had to be of some greater plan.

"Grandfather hated society season, he hated parliament and always being around the same old stuffy people and all the company his father kept. When he was on the land he felt like he could breath again, like he didn't have to be what they wanted him to be. How do I put this Caroline—he felt as though everything was beautiful; that when he was there everything he hoped for could last. Do you know what I'm talking about? Everything being beautiful?"

Carla's eyes widened. He had read _The Times article_ as well. He could very well be using it to manipulate her; but something in side of her felt like he was telling the truth, because she knew that feeling of being trapped of wanting to go somewhere where one could be free from the pressures of ones world and all the people in it. She nodded her head accepting defeat, knowing that it was now proven possible to identify with this man in front of her.

"He wanted to build something, something to reflect that beauty he felt, that peace. He went to his father and asked him if it could be done and after a while great grandfather agreed. However they fought and fought about the vision of this home they were to build. Grandfather wanted something different from every country house around, but his father he wanted a grand home; a home that would reflect all his accomplishments. You see the father wanted a palace, something his old backward grandiose sensibilities could understand. And the son, he wanted a paradise, something that wasn't tangible or unattainable but reflected how different he was from his father; because Caroline he was dreamer."

Carla still sits quietly pondering his words, wondering where this will all lead.

"So what did we get in the end Caroline. Great grandfather died before the grand home was finished and my father took up the reigns with my grandfather. Father became the dreamer instead; grandfather became the sensible realist. And when they finished the place I was born. I grew up there in this place, this place for both for the sensible and for the dreamer, Paradise Palace. And I dreamed big there, I had many dreams in my youth and my father took his place as the sensible stern man to falter all my dreams, like his father had done to him and his father before him and so on and so forth."

"Why are you telling this?" asks Carla because she truly is not concerned anymore with the mythos behind the place she swore to never go back.

"Because all you women are the same. You don't live in the real world. You think that you're the only ones limited by circumstance and expectations. But you're not because for four generations the Gordon men have constantly fought, father against son, dreamer against realist, paradise against palace. We have fought trying to obtain this ideal of Paradise only to realize it let us down. But the palace, the money and status these are the things that never failed us."

"You had a choice at least! You're a man you always have choices. We women don't. You seem perfectly content making your profits in diamonds, gold and now rubber. You are living some sort of dream, no one took anything from you."

Alasdair turns away from the window giving her a chilling laugh, "You know Antony's mother said the same thing to me right before she decided to plummet herself off of the third story balcony. "

Carla let out a gasp, because this was all news to her. Antony had never talked about his mother, he only ever said he died shortly after he was born and a dark cloud descended over his face, but he refused to mention now Carla knew why. It made the place all the more tragic, making Carla ill at what the Palace drove people to do.

"Antony was just weeks old and apparently he wasn't enough for her to live for. The Palace she complained made her feel suffocated; she talked like it had let her down. She told me the first time she saw the place it filled her with so much hope and she was disappointed in the end it didn't live up to all it had promised. You're just like her, you know. You expect too much of the damn thing, it's just a house. I had to learn this reality soon enough and so did my son. I don't know why all the women that have lived at the Palace expect so much of the damn place."

Carla thought of all she had expected from the Palace. She remembered coming back from her honeymoon in 1911 just looking at the place and thinking to herself it was the most beautiful place she had ever seen. It was old looking and it looked apart of another world, a place that wasn't truly in the present. It was simply locked in time. She remembers Antony taking her hand and helping her out of the car, the servants that greeted them all with smiles, how Antony had smiled. And she thought all of her destiny was in that smile, in his kind eyes. She could imagine them building a future in this house together. It would especially monumental for her, because she could finally build the life she always wanted, a life away from her father. The beauty was so intoxicating, the air so fresh and she understands him finally, everything Alasdair has just told her, the point of this story. It had never really been the palace that she adored.

"I was drawn in by the promise," she finally whispers.

It had nothing to do with the palace itself and everything to do with its illusions, the promise that everyone held it to and in which it would inevitably fail; Because after all it was just a house. And yet she expected it to solve all her problems, for every room to be magically full of love. But it was never like that, it was never built to be a place of family memories or love.

Alasdair nods his head now walking back to the armchair and sitting down again. He puts out his cigar and looks at her plainly, "Do you want to know why I picked you to be Antony's wife?"

"Because my father was desperate and willing? Because he sold you on the ideal of me?"

"No," says Alasdair, "Not at all really."

"Then why?"

"Because you look like her, Antony's mother. I gave him you. I gave my son you to take away the place where sadness goes, the sadness for a mother."

Carla got chills down her spine. This whole encounter was not at all what she had been anticipating. She watches as for a split second Alasdair displays rear emotion; it is a confusing sight to see. It made sense, no matter how messed up it was starting to make sense, all of Antony's hatred towards her. Perhaps he had expected her to be something she could be. It was why he turned cold, and why he believed she had failed him.

"I watched him as boy, when I could still stand to live at the Palace on my weeks home from the Congo mines. I knew he was dreaming of her, thinking what had she been like. It bothered me because he wouldn't move on, he would cry and cry and his governesses would coddle him. I just didn't understand his need for comfort; my own father never comforted me. So Caroline, I told him the whole story about his mother and how she threw off the balcony without a second thought for him cracking her skull open and leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces."

Carla looked at him and disgust her old hatred returning.

"Why would you tell your son such things?" Carla hated Antony but even she had pity for her estranged husband in this moment.

"What would rather me tell him? A lie? Let him be a slave to the dreaming and the illusions? No, no son of mine was going waste his life pinning to be reunited with a woman that couldn't have cared less to stay with him on this earth."

"She might have had her reasons. She probably thought she had no way out," says Carla trying to reason with Alasdair, "No one would leave their son if they were in the right frame of mind. You could've taken it lightly on him."

"You care for Antony then? You care for his feelings?"

"I care for this horrible thing that was done to him," Carla says. It was true she cared that Antony had suffered this lack of compassion.

"That's not a true answer," he remarks before continuing on about Antony, "Antony didn't come out of his room for days after I told him the truth about his mother. I suppose he had trouble separating the reality from the fantasy. But the day he came out is the day Antony stopped dreaming. He never mentioned her again; it was like she never existed. And it was better that way, because then he could finally snap out it; finally join the real world."

"Then why would you give him me? Why would you if you say it was all better that way, acting like she never existed?"

"Guilt Caroline. Simply guilt. He wasn't the same ever, not after I told him that. So I felt that perhaps I had went too far, even further than my own father when it came to stomping on his dreams. So I tried to regain a little of him back, make it up to him. Give him something, an illusion of the mother he never had. Comforts of a woman's touch so to speak.

"I did love him, I tried to be a good wife. But he pushed me away and then you pushed him so all he did was hurt for what you did Alasdair. He hurt me because you hurt him."

"You failed him Caroline. You failed him because you didn't live up to his dream, you were everything his real mother was…a disappointment. That's the only reason he hurt you, don't be a fool and believe it was all me. Every time you said you hated it at the Palace, he thought of her and how she hated it too. You reminded him of her selfishness, her pitiful weakness as a woman. So he began to hate you. I am sorry for it Caroline; I truly am. The marriage was nothing like I thought it would be."

"Are they ever?" says Carla whispering now.

"Yes," Alasdair whispers back, "They can be, if you don't expect too much and If you accept that your version of kindness is always other peoples version of kindness. But you Caroline, you expected too much of my son. You expected him to save you from the darkness, not even bothering to realize he had save himself from the darkness first. It was a lack of communication."

"I was more then that and you know it!"

"Perhaps your right. I don't much care to continue on with tale of Paradise Palace; it is what it is. I can't repeat the past; so it's best to forget it all. And now I learn you would like a divorce, to leave one disappointment for another."

"I would like a divorce," says Carla not appreciating his tact. He clearly thought she was naïve, "Because I love another man."

"And you may very well get one darling. But I question, what makes you think Liam Connor won't disappoint you as well? That it isn't all just a promise and once you have everything you want, once it all becomes real; you won't feel trapped with him as well?"

Carla says nothing. She thinks of earlier in the day, how they had fought with him and she said she couldn't breath. Was Alasdair right; would her dreams with Liam falter? Would she want to escape him too? No it wouldn't be like, because she adored Liam. She loved him to the end of the earth; she never loved Antony in this manner.

"I know I won't Alasdair. I feel alive for the first time in my life. I know that if I die tomorrow, that least I never turned my back. I held onto to that promise, my dreams, and the things that are mine. I held on to Liam."

Alasdair gives her a smirk, not particularly impressed with her answer but nonetheless willing to give a response, "And here was me thinking, you women didn't have a choice. Yet you chose to hold on…interesting." He clasps his hands together in deep though now staring at her intently, "I suppose a divorce could be arranged."

Carla couldn't believe her ears. Was she hearing correctly? Alasdair was agreeing with her request to divorce Antony. It was too good to be true, something had to be attached and sure enough there was.

"On one condition," Alasdair continues, "If Liam Connor wishes to take you off of Antony he has to make the request himself."

"What?" says Carla her hands getting clammy.

"You heard me perfectly Caroline. I said if you wish to have a divorce, that Connor gentleman will have to be the one to make the request. And face to face."

"I won't allow it," says Carla. She should have known Alasdair would be all games.

"It's the proper thing to do Caroline. As a gentleman I would expect nothing less."

"And what if Antony does not accept such a request?" Carla says pointedly. Antony made it no secret that he would kill her rather then let her leave completely.

"He will," says Alasdair almost too confidently, "Antony has no use for you anymore. You can't give him a son; you're probably near the end of your child-bearing years. He has a son from all of this, so why he want you back now?"

"Cillian is not his son," Carla snaps, "But I have a feeling you might already know that! You know Cillian is Liam's."

"They look exactly alike Carla. I've seen the little snap shots; I acquired them through a detective working under my employment. I've been keeping tabs on you and your cozy family for sometime. Since 1920 to be exact, but I have to play the fool for everyone else."

"I won't let you take my son! If that's what you're implying, then you're crazy."

"Then give me Giulia," he says sternly, "Give me my granddaughter and I won't take your son."

Finally Carla knew what he was playing at. This was all he wanted and when he said earlier he could hurt her, this is what he meant. And when he said she could hurt herself before him, he meant with this choice.

"You want me to choose between my daughter and son? Are you mad?"

"That's precisely what I want. It's the harsh reality of this world Caroline; we all have to make a choice that ultimately defined us for the rest of our lives. My great grandfather decided to purchase that land on which a palace was built. This land bore the palace, which defined three generations of Connor men, cursed us and brought our morale down."

"A choice to build a house is not the same as choosing between two children!"

Alasdair ignores her, "My defining moment was not that I watched my wife take her own life, but that allowed my son to relive every moment of it that tragic event. And that has defined me in his eyes as heartless."

"You are heartless! You're sick!"

"Avoid the question all you want. But the choice is simple, really. I know what you're answer is already, all you have to do is say it. Go on say it?"

No Carla thought. She wasn't going to let Antony take her children from her. She wasn't going to entertain Alasdair's game. But she thinks how Cillian is so young she has barely gotten to see him grow up whereas with Giulia she has seen her grow into a beautiful young woman. However the personality Giulia possess does not match her beauty, she was like Antony more then anything. But as soon as Carla thinks this she becomes angry and frustrated because she shouldn't have to make that choice, no one should. She loved both of her children so much.

"You won't make me choose!"

"If you don't, make no mistake I will ensure that you are never happy. I will expose your false identity as the painter D. Matheson Barlow rendering you defenseless and financially cripple. I will do what it takes to destroy Liam's life too. I will go after every person he loves and harm them, do you understand?"

"You can't—you won't" says Carla rising from the chair. She wants to feel brave but inside she is crumpling.

"I will darling. And I'll make sure you never get the divorce you want. I'll take Liam from you. I'll have him killed. He stole another's wife the church will agree he punishment!"

"No! No!" says Carla now screaming. She feels like she will lose her mind, "You won't hurt him! I won't let you!"

"I know where he lives permanently now. I can have a man kill him as soon you both go back into Morocco," Alasdair now rises stepping forward and gripping Carla by the shoulders, "So the choice is simple. You either give me my granddaughter and she gets to live; the life at the palace she always wanted. And with this you get Antony's permission and mine for divorce. Or you refuse, and I take both Cillian and Giulia from you, no divorce, and I kill Liam. You're choice! Choose wisely and choose now!"

It was hopeless. When Alasdair put it like that, she could lose all of the people she loved. She was no match for the power of Alasdair and although Liam was noble he was no match for the Gordon men. They were ruthless and she could not risk his or Cillian's safety. She knew it was better to give Giulia over to them, she would alive and safe and Carla reasoned her daughter would be happy; she missed the Palace greatly anyways. Carla would be giving her what she wants. But Carla didn't want to say the words out loud; it would just make her feel like complete scum. She truly was giving a child away, and it wasn't Cillian like she had once pictured long ago.

"Come on Caroline what's your choice? I am losing patience. The opportunity will be gone if you do not communicate."

"Giulia," Carla says feebly. It is a mere whisper and she is so ashamed.

"Pardon me?" says Alasdair even though Carla is sure he heard her, "I want to hear you say the words. Giulia what?"

"Don't make me…"

"Remember you're a poor woman with no choices," he mocks, " You have to do as I say. Go on, say it!"

"I am giving you Giulia," Carla says practically crying, "I'm doing it because I love her."

"Correction, you're doing it because you have a choice."

"What? You're making me!"

"One more time, say it. I don't want any back tracking. You're giving Giulia away?"

"Yes," says Carla the tears streaming down her face, "But it's to protect Liam and Cillian—"

"That will be all," says Alasdair in a business like fashion smirking at her like he just signed another diamond contract.

Then his eyes revere to the door behind Carla, the door where Doctor Frank had disappeared through earlier. He seems to be waiting for someone. There is a slight commotion and ruckus and Carla hears a faint crying, and then the door swings open.

"Mama how could you!"

Carla feels ill, sick beyond all comprehension. This was a bigger set up than she ever imagined. Alasdair had manipulated her beyond all moral circumstance. Giulia stands before her in a flood of tears. Her beautiful features so distorted so full of hurt.

"Giulia baby!" Carla says, "Oh my goodness!"

What was she doing in Cairo? Alasdair had had her all along. She must have somehow snuck letters of communication past the housekeeper. Carla is beside herself. None of this would have happened if Giulia had come for the wedding. Carla made a huge mistake.

"How could you mother! How could you! Grandfather said this would happen. He told me the whole truth about Cillian and that you would choose him and start a perfect family with Liam and you wouldn't want me anymore!"

"Giulia," says Carla still hardly believing the lengths of Alasdair's deception, "Didn't you just hear? Your grandfather threatened me. He threatened your brother!"

"And your precious Liam!" Giulia spat, "Grandfather said that no matter what obstacle he put in your way your love should never be unwavering! Of course he doesn't mean it; it was all an act! Well it clearly is mother. You made you're choice!"

Carla tries to reach out to her daughter, her identical green eyes puffy from all the crying. But Giulia shoves her away so violently before turning on her heel and running back into the other room. Carla immediately tries to go after her, but Doctor Foster steps in her way.

"Get out of my way you bastard! I want to talk to my daughter!"

"I hate you!" screams Giulia's voice, "I never want to see you again! Get out of here!"

"You heard the girl," smirks Doctor Foster, "She wants nothing to do with you. Don't worry I'll comfort her."

"You pig! You unimaginable bastard; if you so much as lay a finger on her—"

"That's enough now Caroline," says Alasdair, "You're no position to be threatening anyone. The doctor simply meant he would give her a few calming medications. You just always read into things—make up little lies to support your own delusions."

"You're the scum of the earth Alasdair Gordon. You won't keep me from Giulia—GIULIA!"

Carla tries to get at the doorway. To scream out her daughter's name, but Frank Foster is now gripping her around the waist pulling her from the doorway.

"I remember you asking why the dear doctor was in Cairo to begin with," says Alasdair now lighting yet another cigar. It's simple really; first he needs a first hand account of your instability and accusations if you dare to try me or Antony in a court of law when it comes to dear Giulia."

Carla is now convulsing. She falls to the floor crying at the evil of it all; the cunning of this man before her. She hates him more than life itself. He intended all along to turn Giulia against her.

"I have no doubt you will cooperate Caroline. That includes insuring Liam Connor makes it to England to ask my son directly for your hand in marriage."

"He's not coming near you or Antony with a ten foot pole," Carla says defiantly.

"Always the protector, aren't you Carla?" he sneers, "You're acting it's an option. Remember you had a choice, you could've said no. But you made your choice and now you have to follow through. Besides Liam will have to come back to England."

"Oh really, and what is that? For another one of your traps."

"No," Alasdair whispers cold and calculated in his demure, "No at all. "

"What then?!"

"It's quite tragic actually. Word on the street is that Margaret Connor sat herself down in front of her bedroom mirror a mere four days go. Her husband Paul was away in London engaging in his usual affairs with other women. She just found out she couldn't have a child, but one Pau's mistress; well the rumors is that his mistress is expecting. Poor Margaret they say she just couldn't cope so took a pair scissors and proceeded to cut off long locks of her blonde hair. She cried and cried and a servant walking by decided to check in on her. The servant they say was horrified with all the locks of blonde hair cut off, strewn al over the place. But Margaret just look right through them, shrugged her shoulders like they weren't even there. She picked up a pistol laying on the dresser and pointing it at her temple—well you get the drift."

"Oh my god! You have to be lying! Please say you're lying. That's horrible, why—"

"No I am not. Telegrams are being sent to the Wellingtons as we speak I can assure as much. As for Liam, his family has no idea where he is. But Paul is beside himself and Antony is his rock right now. But nothing compares to the love of a brother. And Liam they say has a notoriously good heart; he wouldn't avoid coming home in light of Margaret's unfortunate ending. "

"You take delight in such things? You had a wife. You should have some compassion, not gloat. It's a horrible thing Margaret did. She rarely talked, everyone thought her to be a snob, but now it all makes sense."

"Of course you're the moral one," he laughs, "In that case, I'll leave it up to you to make the choice to tell him. Yes…lets see if Caroline Gordon will put Liam Connor's suffering before her own. Will she do the right thing and inform him of his families tragedy or will be selfish and keep him away from England, for her own reasons?"

Carla is shaking again. This was too much, too cruel. Alasdair kneels to her level now beckoning the Doctor over with the wave of a hand.

"Alas she has choice. Don't you Caroline? You have a choice—"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because by now darling, you should realize that in order to leave the prison, every woman has price. You made your price known and now you have to pay the debt. England my dear—England beckons you home. That's the first part of your debt. Dreams have to go in order to make way for reality."

Carla is hyperventilating now. Her arms are shaking as her father in law grips her still on the carpet. She couldn't breath and her vision was becoming blurry. Just thinking about the burden that had been pushed upon her, what Alasdair was going to make her break to Liam, she couldn't handle it anymore.

"Doctor," says Alasdair glancing over at Frank, "Would you do the honors. She is shaking far too much. Just give her something to calm down, to knock her out for the evening."

"Of course Alasdair," Frank pulled out a cringe full of strange liquid, "Restrain her. This will hurt a bit."

And so the second reason for the Doctor being in Cairo was revealed he was to sedate her.

Carla tries to protest, to break free of Alasdair's grip as the needle draws closer and closer to her, but it is no use. Before she knows it she isn't shaking anymore, and not long afterwards she is knocked out.


	72. Chapter 72

"Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me—out of my way," Sarah dragged Liam and Samuel through the crowd towards the woman in question. It was time to get answers.

Liam hoped this would be a successful endeavor but he seriously doubted it would be. However he had no other options, no one really knew where this fellow or Carla had gotten to.

Sarah taps the woman on the shoulder and immediately she turns around her piercing eyes looking at them quizzically through her white masquerade mask.

"Can I help you?" the lady says.

"Yes," says Sarah enjoying every moment of this predicament, "I believe that you can. Earlier I saw you talking to a very fine, tall and handsome gentleman."

Liam glares at Sarah, it was so obvious she was trying to push him to a state of jealousy and he was furious because it was working. He didn't care how tall and handsome this stranger was, he just wanted to find Carla. And he hoped the man hadn't seduced her with all his charms.

"Yes…?" responds the lady in a singsong voice. She takes a drink from her champagne glass before continuing, "What about him?"

"Well I was wondering if you knew who he was—what his name is?"

"If I did," snapped the woman, "Why would I tell you anything about it?"

"It's urgent!" Liam interrupts, "My wife is missing. She was last seen with him!"

"Hmm," responds the lady not remotely interested in the desperation Liam displayed, "And what's that got to do with me?"

Liam was about to start cursing at her, when Sarah raised her hand up to silence him. Then looking the women cold in the eyes she begins to step forward in an antagonizing role.

"Look sweetheart," Sarah croons, "I know you're upset and all. He practically ditched you for another beautiful woman—didn't give you a second thought. It hurt, I know; I've been there. But this is not the time or the place to be acting like a spoiled little brat. A lady is missing and she was last seen in his company. Now be a dear and help this fine gentleman Mr. Connor out. What's the mans name?"

"Ugh," says the woman glaring at Sarah, "Fine. His name is Trevor Dean."

"Do you know him well? What did he tell you in your brief time together?"

"What do you mean?" says the lady becoming very annoyed, "I gave you his name. Don't push the limits of generosity."

"Oh darling," laughs Sarah, "Don't push my limits."

Liam was impressed, although Sarah was quite an insufferable bitch; her personality was very useful in a situation like this. He decided it was best just to shut up and leave her to it.

"He told me that he is from Britain or something. His fathers American, his mother a Brit- I don't know or care! He grew up all over the place and he has no siblings to speak of."

"And?" says Sarah cooing.

"And what else?"

"Is he staying at this hotel?"

"Yes," says the woman, "Why?"

"Because I you ditz, I'm looking for my friends wife. We have a reason to believe he took her away from the main party. Do you know his exact room number?"

"No!"

"Are you sure sweetheart? Are you sure he hasn't invited you back there ever?"

"I am no such lady! I do not go back to men's hotel rooms!"

"I think thou does protest to much," smirks Sarah, "Want to try that again dear?"

"Fine," says the woman relenting, "But it only before the actual masquerade. I was walking down the hallway with my sister and him and few of his friends were having drinks. They invited us in to be friendly and I assure you it was all very classy."

"Spare me the details," says Sarah, "Just tell me the hotel room if you remember it?"

"I don't feel comfortable giving out that sort of information. And I'll have you know my grandfather is the Ambassador to the United States in Egypt, so you best check that tone!"

"Oh please," says Sarah laughing, "If your grandfather is some big shot embassy member it makes no difference to me. But if you're going to go crying to him, I'll have to tell him all about your behavior drinking in men's hotel rooms all by yourself. Your grandfather wouldn't like that, now would he? He's easy for me to look up and write a letter to. No doubt he'll be furious at your behavior, as it is not very lady like. Now room number?"

"Ugh—fine! Suites 22A and 22B, as I said he's here with friends and they booked a room or two. I'm not sure which is his."

"That's good enough for me. I hope for your sake you're not lying."

"Oh get out of my face already, you stuffy old cow!"

"Alright Sarah," says Liam thoroughly impressed at her retrieval of the information, "Lets not push her now," he gently grabs Sarah's arm, "Thank you for your help Miss. Now how do we get there?"

"Go up the arch stairwell," she sneers, "And get out of my sight all of you!" She violently bumps into Sarah's shoulder and walks away not giving them a second look.

"Results," says Sarah satisfied.

"Yeah, but you didn't have to be a bitch about it," says Samuel.

"Would you rather me be all sugary and sweet? I know her type. She acts like she's all innocent—I knew she lying about not being in his hotel room. Besides she is quite the cow herself."

"Okay whatever," snaps Liam, "Lets go. We have to find Carla."

" First we need a plan of action," says Samuel, "Like we have to figure out what to do once we get to his hotel room. Should we call the police before hand?"

"I say we wait until we get there," offers Sarah.

"And I say we let me take care of the bastard," adds Liam, "What type of name is Trevor Dean anyways? It sounds so fake, so pretentious."

"Not really," says Sarah laughing at him, "Your just a jealous man."

Liam shot daggers at her and Samuel quickly intervenes before any arguing can ensue.

"Back to the matter at hand… We're just going to knock on his hotel room?"

"Yes," says Sarah, "And while you two are knocking his head about; I'll swoop in under the conflict and retrieve Carla and get her to safety."

"But how do we even know she's with him?" says Samuel trying to be the voice of reason, "We can't just outright assault a man without even knowing Carla's in 22A or B."

"Well where else could she be?" snaps Liam. As far as he was concerned they were losing valuable time. Carla needed them immediately.

"I don't know," says Samuel furrowing his brow in deep thought, "But even Sarah said back in the bar that the last time she saw Carla, she was going up the arch stairwell."

"Yeah," says Liam impatiently, "So?"

"Well Sarah, didn't you say the last time you saw Carla she was walking up the stairs and the last thing she did before she left was hold that Trevor lads hand?"

"Yes," says Sarah also impatient. She wanted to get the drama under way clearly, "Your point?"

"You said Carla went up by herself. That as they she was about to leave, they held hands. Not that they left together holding hands. So how can we be certain she is even with him at all now?"

"They looked to be exchanging much more than pleasantries Samuel," snipes Sarah, "I saw Carla leaned against a bean, where I had last left her. I saw the gentleman lean into her, with an affectionate lack of ceremony—like they were quite close."

Liam didn't want to hear this, not at all. I was breaking his heart, "Be quite Sarah, won't you?"

"No, I won't, " says Sarah, "Samuel obviously needs convincing of that Carla is most likely with this Trevor Dean fellow so you will hear all I saw. Now let me continue," she glares at Liam one last time before focusing on Samuel, "I saw as she supported herself against the beam and he brought his arm to the level of her head supporting his weight. The intimacy between them was close. I saw him lean in an whisper something and I saw her smile, the first for all evening."

The way she said the first time all evening made Liam feel so much anguish. He had pushed Carla away. He knew she could be reckless and he had pushed her towards the comfort of another mans affections.

"It was a beautiful smile, because Carla is quite beautiful. She move her head so she didn't have to look him in the eye and turned it away only briefly before turning back to him. They talked for a few moments more, and then the closeness between them was abruptly broken. She seemed desperate to get out of there and she step forward; but he grabbed the length of her arm. His hand slide down and touched her fingers, they had one last look; quite intense in its nature before she headed up the stairs."

This stung Liam, thinking that this man had touched any part of his Carla, had held her fingers in his own. The fact that she had even shared an intense stare with another man was enough to reduce him to state of pure explosiveness and anguish.

"You said she was desperate?" Samuel says, "Why?"

"I don't know, I focused on the two of them—maybe she felt guilty, as she should."

"You saw nothing that may have caused it, nothing at all?"

"If I did Samuel, I would tell you. But I didn't, which is why it is most likely she was arranging to leave with the gentleman later. I was distracted for a moment by some of Joshua's new friends and by time I looked back, the gentleman was gone too. I can only guess up the guest stairwell., right after her."

"Alright," says Samuel.

"Are you satisfied now?" Liam snaps, "Is the evidence to your liking Samuel? Never mind the fact that your best friend is hurting having to hear all of it."

"Liam I just wanted be certain of this ones story. I couldn't have us acting all brash without all the details. Now that we have them, I guess there are no other options; we best be on our way."

"Finally," says Liam walking towards the archway and starting to go up the stairs.

Samuel and Sarah follow closely behind. Liam reaches the top of the staircase where he sees a set of doors with glass windows. Peering through them he sees a long stretch of hallway. Looking at the sign he sees that its says suites 10-15 A-AB. It was the wrong floor; they would have to go up another set of stairs to get to suites 22A and B.

"Come on you two," Liam says looking back at Sarah and Samuel, "We have another set of stairs to go." Not wasting time he proceeds onward in his destination. He was going to rescue Carla; protect her no matter what.


	73. Chapter 73

All Carla can think is that she has to get out of there. Her vision is blurry and she stumbles, the mosaic images from the carpet jump out at her. Her feet feel increbibly light as she stumbles, clawing her way through grasping onto the walls. The Walls don't even feel like walls, they feel soft foam like even.

"Let her go," says a voice Carla is certain is Alasdairs, "Let her go, she has message to deliver to her Liam. That dreadful news, when I need her next she'll know."

Carla falls to the ground now dragging her body towards the door. She sees a pair of black shoes pass her and looking up, she sees that Doctor Foster has opened the door.

"Stand up now darling Caroline, " he smirks, "Come on now, lets behave like a child."

"I can't stand," Carla says pitifully. Her legs were truly weak.

"Let me put it this way, move like your all your life depends on it. Will yourself to walk if you have to. Because if you stay here who knows what may happen."

"That's enough Frank! We don't need anymore accusations!"

Regardless of Alasdair anger, it was enough to send Carla into frenzy. She did not wish to ever be touched by Frank Foster again. She could not bare if he forced himself on her like he had all those years ago. She stumbled, using her elbows to left herself off of the ground; she felt the pressure of the doctor's hand as he shoved her out the door, closing it loudly. Carla was now faced with a eerily lit hallway, the lights dancing about, the floors moving. She stumbles along, wondering what did Frank have in that needle?

She tries to calm herself, to collect her surroundings. She couldn't let Alasdair get away with taking Giulia from her, so she would try to remember everything as best she could. Carla wanted to go to the police. But then she thought of Alasdair's dead serious voice when he said he would hurt every person Liam ever loved, and kill Liam himself. She couldn't take the risk and Carla wanted to cry. How could any mother make the choice she just did; she had chosen her lover over her own child. She grips onto the side of the hallway deciding it is best to use the wall as support until she can at least make it back to the Jazz room. From there she would run down the main hallway back to the stairwell and find Sophie and everyone as fast as she could and get out of there. But she was still having trouble navigating.

She reached the glass doors and the jumped out at her like crystals. She touched them with wonderment, as they too felt weird. It was crazy really how everything felt so strange and different. It made Carla almost want to laugh like a maniac. Surely she did belong in the asylum after all.

"Okay Carla are you ready for this?" she says bracing herself like the doors are the weight of a boulder, "Ready to knock those doors open?"

She takes a step back getting in the right frame of mind and counts to three charging at the doors, running into them and falling over.

"HEY!" yells a voice from behind. It is one of the occupants of the many suites in this particular hallway, "STOP MAKING ALL THAT NOISE LADY! I'M TRYING TO GET AN EARLY NIGHT AND YOU AIN'T HELPING WITH ALL THAT RUCKUS!"

Normally this would have sent Carla over the edge and into a fit of tears, but because her emotions are all heightened she just begins to laugh and laugh.

"Sorry Mister didn't mean to ruin your precious evening."

"Get your floosy arse out of this hallway! You think your cute causing a bunch of noise, well Miss you aren't. I'll call security if you don't move. I'm tired of the prostitutes inhabiting this place!"

This made Carla laugh even more. The man shouting at her from his hotel room thought she was a prostitute. She shrugged her shoulders because actually it was quite fitting. So many men in her life had treated her as such. Antony practically used the Palace like it was his whorehouse raping girls; it was like he was the Sultan and Carla belonged to his harem. She picks her self off the ground, noticing one of her shoes has fallen off. She picks it up quickly realizing the heel has snapped and decides to slide the other one off as well.

"Get your rogued up red lip sticking wearing whorehouse behavior out of here or I'm calling security, you hear!"

"I'm going, I'm going," says Carla. She pushes open the glass doors but not before turning around and treating the man with a taste of her middle finger.

The look on his old face was classic and worth every moment as Carla walked away out into the Jazz area. Her feet again felt as light as feathers and Carla felt reckless, like the feeling she often got to do something crazy when everything felt threatened. It was like the time her and Liam had broken up at the ball; when she didn't tell him she was pregnant or respond to his letter. At least she had Peter on that night; now she had no one.

She decided to let her feet take her to wherever, to let them lead the way. She wasn't in the mood to think anymore. She just wanted to say fuck it, fuck it to Antony and Alasdair, fuck them forever. A waiter is passing by with a tray of alcoholic beverages and Carla immediately grabs one downing it immediately before handing it back to him and letting out a large belch. It wasn't very lady like; and Carla thought what her mother would say if she witnesses such behavior. It made her smirk, fuck Martha Donovan as well.

The combination of alcohol with whatever medicine Doctor Foster had administered her was not good. It made Carla feel dizzy and she ran through the many couples still dancing to the Jazz music, startling and offending many of them with her rudeness. She needed to breath, Carla just needed fresh air. Walking through the next set of doors, Carla arrived in the hallway that would take her to the stairwell and back to the main party; but she got it in her head that she wanted fresh air. And instead of taking the sensible route which would involve going to the main floor, Carla had put it in her mind that she wanted to go to the roof of the hotel. Walking through the doors to the stairwell she adjusted her eyes to read the sign, it said 10-15AB. She would have to go a lot higher if she wanted to get to the roof.

She felt an new sense of purpose enter her as she set about this pointless but spontaneous quest, just thinking what she would do once she got to the roof. Perhaps she would scream at the top of her lungs a whole bunch of curse words directed at the three men she would now label the evil trinity. Perhaps she would just cry for Giulia, or maybe she would work up the courage to tell Liam about poor Margaret. Carla really didn't know; but she would deal with that issue when she came to it. Slowly she starts to climb the next step of stairs, and the next one and the next one. She is running out of breath.

"HEY WATCH IT LADY!" says a women walking down the stairs with her group of girl friends, they are all wearing masks, "Your behavior is absolutely vulgar and you ought to be ashamed!"

Carla shrugs her shoulders, her mouth is dry and she is in no mood for any arguments. Perhaps she should have taken the elevator.

"Oh well," she says, "Too late for that Carla."

She proceeds to lift one foot in front of another until she feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Miss? Is that you Miss? From earlier?"

Carla looks over her shoulder to see the tall handsome man she had met in the ballroom earlier, he had told her his name was Trevor Dean.

"What do you want?" Carla says, not intentionally meaning to be rude because she was truly out of it.

"Fancy meeting you here," he says grinning at her rather sheepishly, "Although I must say, you look rather unwell."

"I'm fine," says Carla, "I can assure you I am perfectly fine."

"Say that all you want, but you don't look it."

Carla was beginning to get annoyed. This Trevor Dean was holding her up from reaching the night's final destination.

"I have places to be, so if you'll excuse me—"

"Funny you said that earlier. Is stumbling along a stairwell your idea of a place to be?"

"Well obviously I am going somewhere," says Carla acting like Trevor was the stupidest man she had ever met.

"Well of course. But not in that state you aren't. Not at least until we get you some help."

"I don't need any help. I'm perfectly fine. Now go away and leave me alone."

"Miss," says Trevor grinning at her, "With all do respect, you look like you drank a whole barrel of moonshine. I can't let you out of my sight."

Carla gives out a huge sigh, "Well then you can help me get to where I need to be. You can help me get to the roof."

"The roof?! Whatever do you need to go up there for?" says Trevor gripping Carla by the shoulder and turning her to face him completely.

"I don't know yet. Just get me there or leave me alone."

Trevor bits his bottom lip giving Carla a thoughtful stare and even though she is in a drug and alcohol induced stupor; she can't help but notice how good looking he is. A small grin forms on his soft lips and his blue eyes light up like he has an idea.

"Give me your name first," Trevor finally says.

"What?" Carla says indignantly. It is reminiscent of her childhood hood behavior back in England or the haughty way she treated Liam the first time they met. It was all an act, Carla always wanted to act offended even when she wasn't.

"You heard me. Give me your name, and I'll get you where you need to be…to safety."

Carla considers his offer. He seemed like the sort that wouldn't resort to tricky. Someone who was genuinely nice and that perhaps she could trust him. She had this weird feeling ever since they met that she could trust him and it had only ever been that way with one other person, Liam. Carla wonders what the hell she is doing standing here on this stairwell like an absolute fool, when she should be looking for Liam. But she knows the answer; she is running from her problems until she can't run anymore. She can't bare to see Liam's face; to tell him that news; to burden his heart with the decisions she has to make.

He holds out his big hands for her to take. And Carla hesistates because she knows that to take them is to make an even bigger decision. Like the moment she took Liam's hand in the back of the cab.

"_What are you doing?"_

"_I'm giving you a chance to give into it…"_

With Liam it had been given into happiness finally, giving to her heart, giving him a chance to love her finally. But with this man, taking his hand; Carla didn't know what it meant or what it could be.

"What's your name?" he says staring at her his blue eyes full of so much warmth.

"Carla," she blurts out, "Carla Gor-," she was just about to say Gordon but she quickly changed it, "Carla Connor. My name is Carla Connor."

It felt so natural to say those words, to have Connor as her last name. That's how it should be and that is how it would be soon enough.

Trevor reaches for Carla's fingers, admiring them. She felt that weird energy between them again and she didn't want to but there was no denying it was there. The image of Liam in the sitting room that summer day in June of 1920 flashes before her eyes.

"_You have a lovely name Mrs. Gordon. Caroline was my grandmothers name…"_

"_You flatter me too much sir…"_

Their fingers had touched and the feeling had caused Carla to give out a small gasp. Trevor just smiled at her; looking at her like she was some mystery, like he had never seen a woman as beautiful as Carla.

"You have a lovely name Miss. Connor."

Carla just nods her head curtly, he reminded her too much of Liam he even said similar things.

"What's the matter?" he says clasping both her hands in his palm, "You can trust me. You can feel can't you? You know you can trust me."

Carla nods her head. She felt that feeling, that energy that told her she could, she nods her head again indicating yes. Letting out a shiver because now she felt chills.

"Your cold," he whispers. Quickly he lets go of her hands and removes the dress coat he has on, "Here," he says moving to drape it around her.

"I'm okay," says Carla quickly not wanting to encourage whatever it was that is happening between them.

He ignores her though, "I once took this very same suit jacket off for a girl I met in Paris. She told me she very cold, but once I draped it around her she smiled and said she could feel the heat from my body right in lining. Kind of like how you're smiling right now."

"I'm not," Carla protests almost too quickly. If she was smiling she had not been aware.

He just smiles at her before saying, "So tell me, can you feel it? Can you feel the heat from the jacket?"

"Yes," says Carla. She can't help but relax and smile a bit as he lays on the charm. In a moment, which she intends to step forward on the staircase, she stumbles but he grabs her quickly.

"That's alright," he whispers gently, "I've got you. I've got you."

Carla welcomes his attentiveness as he grabs hold of her and leads her away. She doesn't even notice she is going in the opposite direction of the roof. They go down the steps slowly, his back facing in the direction of down as he tells her to take it easy. She feels like she could cry, she wants to cry and tell this stranger everything that is going on in her life. But instead she laughs, because she is in awe how she always ends up in such predicaments and yet always finds a helpful stranger waiting for her at the end of the tunnel. He starts laughing too, and soon enough they are both reduced to fits of it.

"People are going to come upon us and think we are absolute nuts, like we've been smoking opium pipes," Carla says.

"Maybe you," he teases, "After all it's you who smells like an ashtray."

"I so do not!" Carla feels her playfulness coming back and it is welcome because she can't afford to stress.

"Oh yes you do."

"No!"

"Have you smelt yourself darling?"

"I've been around a lot of smoke," Carla relents thinking of Alasdair's many cigars this evening.

"I figured," he says smirking.

"Let's get something to drink!" says Carla getting excited.

"No, no Miss. Connor, I think you've had enough to drink. "

"I want to live a life without any limits! You're such a killjoy. I deserve a little bit of happiness."

He looks at her intently, sensing there is something more behind those words, "You're not happy?" he asks pointedly.

Carla may be a bit out of it but she knows the meaning behind his question. And she feels her old self-coming out, something she is not particularly proud of but nonetheless it is there; the destructiveness that is always creeping up and waiting around the edges. She knew that when she got like this, she did things she later regretted; but in the moment it was always about her and what would make her happy. What she wanted was a bit of fun; to run around the hotel drinking and dancing and losing all inhibitions until she couldn't feel the pain of her decision anymore. She wants to have fun and will do anything and everything to forget her pain.

"No," she says rather seductively, "I'm not." Slowly she stops him, her fingers spiraling up his shoulder blade and pushing him against a wall, "But I could be."

She doesn't know why she is doing this, it wasn't right to do to Liam but deep down Carla knows she never deserved Liam to begin with. She was going to be who she truly was, that bad girl men always said she was. Carla was tired of trying to be something she could never be for Liam.

"What are you doing?"

Carla leans pressing up against Trevor's body, she can feel the heat of him and his arousal, Carla grins it is working.

"I'm giving you a chance to give into it," she feels sick uttering those words, Liam's special words for her. But it only reinforced the fact that she did not deserve him, "Take me," she growls aggressively.

"Not here," he says struggling as Carla's fingers do circle movements on his shirt, "Not like this."

"But you said you liked changeable, that had a changeable look about me; that you didn't like to be bored. Was that all talk?" She hears the words coming out of her mouth struggling against them trying to convince herself that this is not truly her.

_But they are you_

Her fathers voice whispers

_You're rotten to the core…"_

He hesitates, "I don't know Miss. Connor. This not at all how I was imagining it—"

"But that's just it, isn't it? Nothing ever is. So what are you waiting for?"

Not waiting for an answer Carla leans into him, grabbing his head of hair and kissing him. The sensation of it is normal she supposed; there was none of that passion she felt when she kissed Liam, but she doesn't deserve to feel that sort of love anymore especially when she can so easily give up her daughter.

_You see Caroline; this is why you can't have nice things! You never learn, not ever._

Her mother's voice now rings in her ear and to block it out Carla closes her eyes.

Maybe the kissing would feel more natural and passionate if she closed her eyes. Big mistake, all she can see is Liam. Liam's hurt face looking her, begging her, asking her why she was doing this. She knew she had to stop because this wasn't right, this wasn't fair to Liam. She felt something with Trevor but it wasn't strong enough for her to betray the man she loved, to throw everything away. This is what Alasdair and Antony wanted. They wanted her to be reckless. Quickly she breaks apart looking up into Trevor's eyes, searching them.

"I'm sorry," she stutters, "I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. This isn't me. I'm so sorry."

"So am I," whispers a voice that sends chills down her back.

No, no she thinks. Why did this have to happen now? Quickly she turns to see the figure of Liam viewing the scene in front of him with such contempt such sorrow; Carla knows the loss is too great for him.

"Liam," she says immediately dropping Trevor hand and running towards him but he backs away.

"No, no," he says, "No don't touch me! Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me."

"Liam—"

"So Sarah was right," he says.

Carla only now notices that Samuel and Sarah are behind him.

"You made a right fool of me today," he says biting his lip and trying to hold back his tears, "Everyone was saying you were off with a fellow and I was saying my Carla would do that. But it shows how well I know, huh?"

"Liam it wasn't like that! I was upset—you left me."

"And that's make it okay?"

"Liam please," says Carla trying to make another effort to touch him, "I had a horrible evening."

"Well that's just the topping isn't it? Your days are always horrible. Doesn't matter what I do or what I say, you refuse to be happy. You screw everything up!"

"Liam can we please about this somewhere else."

"No, why should we? You don't want your knew friend to hear? What is it mate—Trevor Dean?"

"Look Sir, I'm sorry—"

"Save your breath!"

"Liam—"

"DON'T TOUCH ME CARLA. WHAT DID I SAY? DON'T FUCKING DARE TOUCH ME I CANT STAND IT!"

They are both crying now.

"Come on Liam," says Samuel looking at Carla with hollow eyes, "Don't bother this right now. Lets go."

"Lets talk about this at home," says Carla.

"You're not going that villa," says Samuel, "That's Liam's place to stay. You can stay else where with all the pain you've been causing."

"No," says Liam, "Let her go back to Villa. I don't want to stay there."

"Liam we need to talk about this."

"I have nothing left to say Carla. The loss is too great I can't even speak of it. But its like—I don't know. I don't know what's like. Liken it to losing the person you love; them dying on you."

"Liam," Carla is now crying hysterically, "I need to tell you something. Something that is really horrible—that pushed me to this."

"Save it!"

"Paul's Margaret's dead!" Carla finally musters.

Liam looks at her his blue eyes soften for a moment before becoming emotionless, "Even for you, that's sick. That's sick. You're lying!"

"No I'm not! Margaret and Samuel will be getting telegrams soon enough. She's dead Liam. She committed suicide."

Liam shakes his head refusing to believe her, refusing to let himself soften for her, for her to get at him. She was now cut off from him emotionally like she had been to him only hours earlier.

"Even if that's the case," he says coldly, "That doesn't change the fact that you might as well be dead to me."

"Liam you don't mean that," says Carla grabbing onto his coat frantically, "It isn't over, it never be over. You love me and I love you. We can get through anything if we just find away to forgive one another. Remember we can't run away anymore. We always find a way to forgive."

Liam violently grabs his coat from her grasp and glaring her he says, "I grow tired of forgiving you Carla. That's what you wanted you wanted right, well you're in luck."

"Hey man it was a spur of the moment thing—" says Trevor trying to diffuse the situation, "Don't talk to her like that."

He wasn't helping.

"This is none of your business so butt out, " says Samuel grasping Liam's shoulder and trying to stir him away and lead him away from anymore conflict.

"Lets go," says Sarah before putting her two cents in on Carla, "You ought to be ashamed of yourself acting as you have. Liam is actually one of the good ones, you know!"

"Leave it Sarah," warns Samuel, "Just heading down the stairs. We're all going to go home now."

"One more thing," says Liam.

Carla is hopeful maybe he will forgive. Maybe he will understand and just her explain everything. But he walks straight past her and stopping at Trevor he raises his fist socking him in the jaw.

"She is meant to be mine! Not yours," Liam says his expression a mixture of anger and tears, "You had no right, you fucking bastard!"

Trevor quickly stumbles on impact, nursing his sore jaw. Liam aims for another, but Samuel and Sarah rush forward quickly pulling him away.

"That's enough Liam. He gets the point! That's enough," says Samuel soothing his best friend as he starts to cry.

"He had no right! No right," Liam falls into Samuels shoulder crying.

Carla feels like the lowest of human beings to have caused the man she loved so much pain. There places in hell, she felt for selfish people like her. She hurt people and she didn't know why. She was just a complete screw up.

"Just stay away from him," says Samuel now dragging Liam away and down the stairs, "It's best you stay away."

Sarah flashes Carla one last look of contempt before grabbing Liam's arm and assisting him down the steps. Carla lets out a shiver, there that coldness again. She feel the heat of the jackets lining still, but she felt her body rejecting it, just like she rejected love. The universe was trying to tell her something, it had told her it so long ago; Carla did not deserve nice things.

**Hope nobody hates me for this. But again Carla isn't in a good place and neither is Liam so they are bound to hurt each other from time to time. Besides this is what Alasdair and Antony want, to drag them apart. It's up to them to fight to be together. So please I hope no one is angry with me because I know I promised no more separation. But for this story given the circumstances it just felt natural to go this route. **

**~Noeme**


	74. Chapter 74

**England-June 1926**

_You want a reason. You want to know how I could have betrayed you in such a way. And I am trying to look within myself, trying to gather some explanation as to why I did what I did. And what I see Liam; every time I try to dig deeper and deeper I don't like. The truth is there are no answers. Or at least there are no answers your perfect soul and heart should ever have to accept._

_I woke up in the Villa that day and realizing you left and had taken Cillian with you back to England, it broke me in two. And the message you left; it was cryptic I knew you were closing yourself off from me bit by bit, maybe even forever. I read the letter over and over; examining every word and wondering the countless possibilities that exist behind each and everyone one of them. I drive myself crazy trying to think what you mean when you say we'll work out caring for Cillian. I pray to God that isn't the only thing you want to work out. I pray you will finally just see me. I know you're in England for the funeral; but I'm back too. Please write and say you'll see me, say you'll hear me out._

_I know you have given me so many chances to give into the idea of us. And I know that I have messed every single one of them and thrown it back in your face. But I don't think I could cope, I don't think I could handle it if you didn't at least give me a chance to explain; to make it up to you. Everything could go back to being the same. Everything could be beautiful. Just give me chance. I can make you happy. I promise to never screw up again. Just please say you will consider._

_Carla_

Liam crumbles the letter burning it in the flame of a candle and with it all possibilities of a future with Carla. This was the seventh letter he had received since arriving back in England. She didn't stop writing and delivering the letters was beginning to take a toll on the servants. They were afraid of Liam always snapping at them.

There was bitterness, all he felt was bitterness and anger; anger at the fact that he returned to the place he said he would never step foot in again, England. It seemed that no matter how much he tried to escape this old life, the tighter it increased its grip. And the more he ran towards the things he wanted; the more difficult they seemed for him to obtain. He was tired, tired to fighting whatever invisible force was against him. He was tired of fighting for Carla when it was becoming clear that fate would not allow them to be together. Why did she have to do this? Why did she have to kiss another man? If she could kiss that Trevor Dean, she could do other things with him as well. And it wasn't so much the act that bothered him, but the intention. It was threatening to him that there could be another man that Carla could come to love and it broke heart, killed him that she could very well fall in love with someone else. He ran away before he could give her a chance to push him to it; he saved them both the heartache.

"Papa, papa," says Cillian he is standing in the doorway of one of the Wellington's spare bedrooms dressed in a fine suit.

"Hello little one," says Liam, 'How are you this morning?"

"Fine papa!" says Cillian smiling and running over to his father, "But tired, really really tired. And I don't like to wear suits. Why do I have to wear a suit again?"

Liam smiled at his son, the first real smile he had given since he'd been back in England, since the incident with Carla. He was grateful that at least she had allowed for him to take Cillian in there time apart. He remembers going back to the Villa that fateful next morning to find her and Margaret sitting on the couch. Carla was beside herself crying while Margaret tried her best to give comfort so that Cillian would not wake.

Liam had been in shock still. A variety of things had caused that shock. First and foremost was the telegram Samuel had received from his father back at the hotel. It told of Margaret's tragedy and Paul's sorrow. Samuel's father had insisted that he return at once for the funeral and Liam thought it was all a joke. He had grabbed for the telegram wanting to see the words for himself. Liam had regretted it instantly because to read the words made it all the more real. It hadn't been some sick joke of Carla's to diffuse the situation after all. But how did Carla know this before any of them, Liam wondered. All he could do was cry for poor Margaret because more than anyone Margaret deserved his sympathy. She was dead and all of a sudden his problems seemed so trivial. There was only one thing to do then, and that was to go home to England and be there for his brother Paul.

When they pulled up at the Villa, Samuel had asked if this was something Liam really wanted to do. He had asked if he was ready to face Carla after the events that transpired with that Trevor fellow and further he wanted to know if Liam was still going to be utilizing the services of Bentley Wise. Liam wouldn't answer and it wasn't because he had made up his mind to be stubborn. The truth was he didn't know what to do, or where to go from this strange place he had ended up at. That night spent at the masquerade and all the days of happiness that preceded it seemed to belong in a different life, a life that was no longer his. How could he tell his best friend that? How could he tell anyone that he was certain in his heart that right now him and Carla could have no future that they would possibly never have a future? He didn't have any answers to give, so he said nothing.

She had stopped crying as soon as she saw him. In turn he had asked if Samuel and Margaret could take Cillian somewhere for a while. And when they were along she tired to hug him but he couldn't let his body respond to her familiar warmth. And the words she said, she had said she loved him and he wanted to say he something anything at all, but the words wouldn't come out. He glared at her instead. He decided silence would hurt her more, would magnify the pain she caused him.

"_Liam please…"_

He can still hear her voice in all its pity, begging for another chance. And all he wants to say is goodbye. He would say goodbye to her forever because he doesn't think he can take this heartbreak anymore.

"_I can't Carla. I can't anymore."_

"_He didn't mean anything to me! I swear."_

She swore on it. How many times had she sworn that she would mess things up or push him away? She pushed and pushed until there was nothing left. He had nothing else left to give.

"_Goodbye Carla—"_

"_Liam! You can't be serious? Please say you're not serious."_

She expected that she'd be forgiven, but Liam can't forgive this not right now. She expected too much of him. She wished that he was perfect and he resented her for it right now. He resented the fact that he would be the one set up as the failure, the one who had failed Carla. Everyone would pity her and no one would pity him, he deserved all the pity. What she had done had no excuse.

She had put him on a pedestal and he had played into it for a time, forgiving her everything. Forgiving her for the ball, for Peter, for keeping Cillian from him. But there was only so much a man could forgive and he couldn't bring himself to accept her betrayal with that stranger Trevor. He truly had grown tired of forgiving her. He felt bad about it, even sorry given all he knew she suffered at the hands of Antony. But why should she be given a free pass for all the reckless behavior? She would take him for granted always if he continued to forgive her every whim.

"_Carla, I'm tired. I don't know about you, but I am so tired. When I think about the way lovers should be; they don't behave like us—"_

"_Liam—"_

"_Let me finish! God dammit Carla, just let me finish!"_

He had thought about it all since learning that Margaret had died. Was it possible to be so in love someone, you didn't notice that they could bring out the worst in you? Carla had brought out some of his best qualities, but she had also intensified some of his worst. Should he remain willfully ignorant of the bad things she inspired for the sake of the good? No, Liam thought, not at all. He needed space from her, he needed to clear his head and focus on other things. He couldn't deal with her impulsiveness.

"_When I look at you Carla, I think how you make me want to be a wonderful person. How you make me feel better about myself and the world becomes a little less scary…"_

"_Oh Liam…"_

She had gone to hug him them, but he blocked her because she was misreading him. He wasn't done, not yet.

"_But in the same hand I look at you and I can honestly say you make me want to crumble and not in a good way. You make me feel dark and sad and horrible all in one breath. You make the world more scary."_

"_What are you saying Liam?"_

"_That when I look right now, I don't like who I am. I don't like what I see staring back at me. I don't like who you perceive me to be and I won't be what you want to be anymore. I am saying I can't forgive you, I am saying I don't want to forgive you—"_

"_Liam, please—Liam, don't do this."_

"_I'm saying goodbye to you."_

"_You don't mean that."_

"_It had to end sometime Carla. We both must have known it was too good to last."_

"_I screwed up I know. But Liam if you knew why—"_

"_Tell me why then? Tell me why you did it Carla? Why kiss that fucking man?"_

He was prepared to hear the usual that she was afraid of being hurt, that Antony had ruined her. He was prepared to believe that this was half the truth, but there was something inside of her that he felt had to be mature. She had to take some of the responsibility. But of course she took none, she did what she always did, closed up inside so he couldn't get at her and he resented her even more. He was so angry. She would never change, so why should he try to be a better person for her if she couldn't even bother to try for him.

"_Tell me this then, how did you know about Margaret before everyone else? How did you know she committed suicide? Who told you?_

She didn't answer him. She just stared and this was last straw for Liam. It was truly over because then and there he knew that no matter how much she tried Carla would never be honest. All those stories that she had revealed and opened up to him about, he was convinced they were true but nonetheless just smoke screens for even darker secrets.

She had accused him of wanting to read her like a book. And maybe she was right to an extent. He had laid eyes on her at Paradise Palace and he thought of how he had to know her, how she had a mysterious charm to her as well as beauty. He was enthralled, had spent those first few days up at night thinking of ways they could meet again of ways in which he could unravel her. Perhaps he has expected something much more simple then the complex and scared women before him. Perhaps she was just a disappointment. He had built her up in his head to be something more than she was or ever could be and she had done the same for him. They expected too much of one another and until they opened there eyes to the illusion they would continue hurting one another. He didn't want to hurt her anymore; he didn't want her anymore. Or so Liam tries to convince himself.

"_I should've known Carla! You can't even tell me a secret as small as that. But I hope that when you're alone at night, you consider whether it was worth it…keeping all these secrets."_

"_Liam—"_

"_No Carla. I'm done. I going back to England, my brother needs me and I am going to be there for him. All I ask is that you allow for me to take Cillian on the trip."_

"_Of course. You don't have to ask."_

"_Well unlike some people, it isn't my style just to up and take children away from the other parent without checking first."_

Liam shutters now at the horrible remark. He had sunk to new lows with such a low blow, kicking her when she was already down. But he wanted to hurt her and he knew it was wrong so he began to feel sick in that moment. How was he any different from Antony treating her like this?

"_You know why I did that! How can you even compare the two things? Antony is a monster."_

"_Just don't okay Carla. You're always the victim. Just don't—I'm taking Cillian. Lets be done with it all. I just want to go now."_

He turned resigned to walk away from her forever. All the dreams he had about them being a proper family and getting married just seemed so pitiful now. He wanted to cry just thinking about it. He wanted to cry thinking a marriage could work with all her secrets and all the resentment he would feel towards her. They didn't have a chance in hell, fate was only trying to let him down softly. Better late then never, he thinks. Better to figure out now they couldn't work then killing themselves trying to hold it all together.

"_Liam, please say we have a chance. Please say that you won't walk out on us! Remember we can't take back thoughts or words—"_

"_You're right Carla. We can't take back our thoughts or words. So listen carefully to me Carla when I say we are never going to be like this again. You made your choice, your bed and now you have to lay in it. Just remember you made a choice to kiss him!"_

"_Liam, please! You're being unreasonable."_

"_Goodbye Carla."_

He didn't know what "this" meant. But he knew he had to make Carla understand the drastic measures of her behavior. That the choices she made hurt him and that if she truly loved him she wouldn't hurt him so much. That if she ever wanted him back, it was her who would have to do the chasing. He wasn't going to fight for her anymore, she would have to prove to him for once how much she loved him, if she ever loved him at all. But for now, he wanted to make it perfectly clear that any and all contact between them would be only on matters concerning Cillian. He couldn't bare for anything more at the moment.

"Papa," says Cillian's again voice bringing Liam out of trance.

Liam is now kneeling to the level of his son adjusting his bowtie. He look absolutely dapper a miniature version of Liam.

"Yes baby," says Liam smiling at his son, "What is it?"

"Why do I have to wear a suit?"

Liam thought of the conversation he had just had with his sister the previous day. How nervous they had both been talking to one another and how he finally blurted out that he had a son and wanted to see her. Michelle agreed and said Thomas and her could make the journey to Wellington's home. But Liam said he didn't mind driving to Thomas's parent's estate. They could talk before meeting the rest of the family, before it was time for Liam to give Paul his condolences.

"I have someone very special people I want you to meet today?" Liam says nervously trying his best to hide his anxiety over seeing his estranged family and under such horrible circumstances.

"Oh," says Cillian scrunching up his face and deciding this was a suitable enough answer.

Liam was relieved.

"Papa," says Cillian again.

"Yes?"

"Where is mummy? Why isn't she with us?"

"Mummy," says Liam struggling and cursing Carla for ruining what could have been a perfect family, "Mummy isn't with us right now."

"Well where is she?"

Liam knew that she was staying with somebody in London. He did not know. All he knew was that she left Cairo in a hurry to chase after him and thought it'd be enough, well it wasn't and neither were the letters she kept sending to the Wellington's estate. They were a repeat, basically her apologizing but not having the decency to explain why she would ever act so damn stupid and reckless. Not one of them explained why she kissed that idiot man she knew for two seconds.

"She's just not here at the moment baby. But you'll see her soon, I promise."

"Okay," Cillian smiled.

Again Liam was relieved. He liked that he didn't have to reveal everything to this child at such a young age. He was glad Cillian lived in a simple world with simple pleasures and happiness, that he didn't need explanations for everything.

"Mr. Connor," says a footman appearing in the doorway with another letter tray. It was like clockwork on this estate now, "Another telegram as well as a letter this time, sir."

"Are they from her?" says Liam trying to conceal his bitterness from Cillian. He had instructed the servants to not use Carla's name ever.

"Yes Sir. She called as well, desperate for you to speak with her. I felt so horrible turning her away, telling her you would not speak with her. The condition of her voice—I could tell tears were an issue."

"No one asked you," snaps Liam. He was tired of the whole situation. Again Carla had everyone's pity and he looked like the horrible person.

He could tell the footman was judging him and was no doubt treated to Carla's heart wrenching cries, which would be enough to crack at the heart of any man. But Liam had to be strong and put his foot down. He knew that if he just as much caught a second of that voice, he would be in the nearest car speeding towards London. He hated when she cried, but this resistance had to be done. She had wronged him and he grew tired of forgiving her. She took him for granted.

"But she just wanted a simple talk is all. She requests that you hear her out."

"Run along Cillian," says Liam giving his son a kiss and push by the shoulders before turning back to the servant, "I asked for peace. All I want is time to think. She can't even give me that!"

"Sir—"

"WHAT!"

"Sorry sir," says the footman giving Liam an alarmed look, "I know you are set in your ways, but she seems unstable. Like she would hurt herself if you didn't come to her immediately. The poor woman she is broken, I said I would pray for her and for your forgiveness."

'Don't waste your prayers," Liam says curtly, "It's a game," he adds surprised at the coldness of his words, " And it's not going to work. You see, she's used to me forgiving her so quickly. It's not going to be like that this time. And Carla wouldn't dare hurt herself."

"How do you know?"

"She has Cillian and Giulia to think about," says Liam going over to his mirror and applying Cologne.

"And you," adds the footman, "The lady has you too. I will pray that you see sense. No honorable gentleman leaves his lady in such a state of hysteria. Master Wellington Senior surely will lecture you if this continues. "

Liam doesn't say anything he just looks in the mirroring wishing for the servant to go away. Even Samuel's father was judging him; this was infuriating him even more. He wished he could just blurt out all the crap Carla had done to him and see the footman try and defend her then.

"What should I do with the letter, sir? Burn it? You seem to have taken a liking to burning them. The poor woman, all her hours spent writing-"

"You can set both the letter and the telegram down by the table," says Liam ignoring the footman and his cheek, "Now anything else?"

"The car will be ready shortly to take you to your brother in laws family estate. The driver is just finishing his tea."

"Good," says Liam glaring at the man, "Now you can go, thank you."

"Sir," the footman bows out.

Liam shuts the door his eyes drifting over the telegram and the letter set down in the tray. He grabs for both immediately ripping the letter open first. It was more of the same.

_Liam forgive me please…_

He couldn't even bare to read it all. He puts it to the flame with it all the dreams he ever had about her, all the dreams he ever had about them as a family. He wanted it to burn and to burn like nothing mattered anymore, to burn until there was nothing left and until he didn't love her anymore.

And now the telegram…

_Liam, please if you are willing to talk I'm in London right now staying with Peter some days and Maria on others. If you meet we could talk about Cillian. I 'd love to see both. I just hate you not responding to any of these letters. I am the mother of your child I deserve some respect…_

The mere mention of Peter's name infuriated Liam and further the thought of Carla even staying with him in London made Liam physically ill. It made him murderous and even more angry and spiteful and full of resentment. He hated Peter Barlow more than anything in the world for having kissed Carla, having been there for the birth of Cillian. He hated the man who was probably gloating in their failure. It sickened him that Carla was most likely confiding in Peter about them like she admitted to doing before. And Liam could only imagine what ideas he was trying to plant in her head like the sneaky bootlegging crook he was. Liam was getting jealous again, just thinking about Peter even touching Carla. He would ring his neck out if Peter ever touched her or took advantage of the situation.

Aside from all of that Liam pondered, how could Carla stay with Peter? Given their history and knowing how Liam felt about Peter, why would she? She didn't think. And she didn't think it would hurt him or she knew very well that it would and that's why she mentioned it. Perhaps she wanted him to jump in a car and drive to Peter's home. Liam had it in his mind to do so, just so he could tell the asshole to stay away from the woman that is supposed to be his. But he has feeling that is what she wants and he isn't going to give her the satisfaction of winning so quickly. She was going to have to try harder then that. For now, he had nothing left to say. But if this was how she was fighting for him by staying with Peter, a man who she knew full well is in love her; then Liam was done. She just really didn't get it.


	75. Chapter 75

"He really won't speak to you, still after all this time? Okay now this is just getting ridiculous," says Maria Sutherland.

Carla was staying at her townhouse in London today. She had just came from Peter's and upon arriving propped herself down in front of a writing desk. She was committed to writing Liam letters until he answered her and if that meant writing them now stop and not coming up for breath she would do so. She had screwed up big time and she wanted to kick herself. She had come so close to having everything, the divorce, Liam everything and she threw it all away in a moment of vulnerability. Alasdair had pushed her over the edge, isolated and alienated her in such a way with the stunt he pulled she felt helpless. But now that the drugs had worn off she saw clearly, she had made a huge blunder.

"Hmmm," Carla mutters gripping her ink pen and just writing the usual and just praying to God Liam would answer her.

She couldn't blame Liam for hating her, but she just wished he would respond. She would not accept that it was over between them, he had been bluffing and he hurt. He wouldn't be able to live without her and she couldn't bare to live without him

"Are you going to stop doing that anytime soon Carla? And perhaps tell your best friend where the hell you've been for five years?"

"Maybe another time," says Carla, "I have too many stories to keep track of at the moment. My head hurts just thinking I have to tell you all of them."

"Well I for one can't believe you never bothered to write and tell me you have a son! And with "Mr. Undress you eyes" I should have known! But actually I knew it the moment I saw you two at the ball that there was something. I saw the way you were looking at each other. And you made me feel like I was silly, saying you never kissed a man who wasn't Antony. Such a liar Carla."

"Sorry Maria. I wanted to tell you honest, I really did," Carla can feel the tears coming. She had truly neglected her friendship with Maria for way too long, "But it's so dangerous with everything going on to talk to anyone back in England, less Antony found me again."

"He hardly missed you," says Maria sitting down in front of the writing desk and propping her elbows up, " Cousin Marianne, Mother, and I would all attend the Operas in London every other weekend. First _Norma_ and then _La sonnambula_ , didn't matter which show but Antony always had a pretty young girl on his arm. I thought it absolutely vulgar, and Marianne even more so. She has always hated Antony, although she hasn't a clue why, she just knows she hates him a lot."

Carla knew why, he had raped her once and boasted that poor Marianne didn't remember it. Some part of her must have though, Carla figures for her to react to him in the manner she did. Carla's mind shifted to the news about Antony, now that Maria mentioned it, it was no surprise. Antony would not be insulted he always had to play a part and if all London society was boasting about his wife leaving him he had to compensate somehow.

"I'm not surprised and I couldn't care what he does. Good of him to move on. I sure as hell did. Although those poor girls-"

"Oh but you should care Carla," says Maria gravely, "Especially since you say Giulia is back at Paradise Palace. You should mind the type of ladies he brings around your daughter."

"I will get Giulia back soon enough," says Carla curtly not wanting to think about the deal she made with Alasdair. It still stun so badly because it had all been for nothing, she still managed to hurt Liam and Giulia.

"You better! Mother tells me he has taken up with some young pretty thing of seventeen! Tina something or the other, I forget her last name but she is low class. And that's not even the worst of it."

"How could it possibly get any worse?" Carla truly wanted to know how life could get any worse then what it was at the moment.

"Mother says she saw her at polo match and she looked to be in indelicate condition. She's with child Carla! And Alasdair is said to not approve at all. He rather you and Antony reunite, but Antony hates your guts as you well know."

"Noted, I hate him more. What else?"

"The girl is his puppet, his match made in heaven. She is just as calculated and vindictive as he is. Blinded by love, she'd do anything for the man that took her from the gutter. Mother tells me, Antony is furious with his father again."

'When isn't my husband furious with Alasdair? No doubt it has to do with his fortune?" Carla doesn't even know why she cares so much, but Giulia's safety was a priority.

"Yes, Alasdair has it in his mind to let all his fortune go to Giulia. He unimpressed with Antony, always has been and so he would rather give everything to his beloved Giulia and let her marry a man who can look after his money and businesses."

"Giulia won't marry just anyone. She is a strong willed girl, she won't falter under pressure like us that's for sure."

"I know. But the point is Alasdair wants to give everything to Giulia. A servant of mothers is a cousin of one of Antony's and the rumor is that Antony read his fathers updated will. He plans to leave everything including Paradise Palace to Giulia. Antony is furious. The fact that he is being bypassed by his a child and girl at that has left him angry. He wants nothing more then to make things right and take what is his. No woman should inherit over a man."

"Why would Alasdair even bypass Antony?" says Carla her mind spinning with the information as she remembers all that Alasdair said in their meeting.

"…_Giulia is my heir."_

It didn't make sense. I didn't support his ideal for the natural order of things, not at all.

"Because he adores his granddaughter and was furious that Antony was barely lifting a finger to find her when you upped and left. Further Antony isn't equipped with the knowledge to run a diamond business in the Congo. He isn't man enough to stand the heat and has only been there twice in his youth. Alasdair now realizes what a mistake he made in allowing his son to just focus on medicine. He was trying to foster a work ethic but now Antony scorns the job that made his family rich. If he can instill in Giulia the proper work ethic and taste for the business, his life's work may have meaning."

"I see,' says Carla, "But Giulia is just like Antony in so many ways. She wouldn't be able to stand the Belgian Congo either."

"That's why he'll marry her off to one of his business partners children. His right hand man in the company has a son, near his twentieth birthday—very handsome apparently. The father is an American and his mother a Brit, I forget but I think the last name starts with a "D" anyways that is Alasdair's plan. And Antony threw a fit. He wants his child by Tina, whatever it is to be, included and more importantly he wants the Palace. He cried and had a heart to heart about missing his Giulia and Alasdair fell for it, he truly believes Antony just wants his daughter back. But really he wants to secure his fortune."

"Of course. What else is new? Us women are just chest pieces to moved around these men's boards. They want to tug at us and control us for their own gain."

"Exactly," says Maria agreeing, "Any woman can see the girl adores her father and he will manipulate her for his own gain. He wants her back at Paradise Palace so he can control her, he knows that whomever controls Giulia the most will win. She won't have her father slighted, she'll convince Alasdair to change the will in Antony's favor if he wants her to."

"I just don't understand why if Antony wanted her, he just didn't go get her himself? I mean why wait for his father to collect her? Also Giulia is smarter than she looks, and she might outsmart Antony and take everything for herself when the time comes."

"So he could play off Alasdair's heartstrings. And very true about Giulia. But I worry that if she double crosses her father, it won't end well for her. She'll probably play it safe and have the best of both words. Plus if she were told it was her duty to marry for the sake of her Catholic faith, she would do so immediately. "

"That man doesn't have a heart," snaps Carla remembering how he had manipulated her, "And they've used the religion long enough to manipulate us women. It has to stop!"

Maria sighed, "Well whatever he possesses in that tomb of a body, Antony managed to manipulate. There has always been such a resentment between them—out in society mother always remarks how Antony never seemed to love his father."

And why would he? Carla thinks, his father had told Antony of his mother's suicide in the most gruesome of details. She would hate Alasdair too if she were Antony.

"You can benefit from this all you know," says Maria, "You've suffered so long you deserve some reward for bearing that man's child. It's repugnant having to be someone you despise like that. Every woman who does it is wondrous in my opinion."

"Well thank you Maria," says Carla, "Thank you for filling me in on everything. It pays to have a mother so knowledgeable like Dorothy."

"It has its benefits," says Maria winking at her, "But you don't seem so surprised."

"Nothing these men do surprises me anymore Maria. I have no reaction to it anymore. It is clear Giulia adores the Palace and all its false promises. But she's like I was, like every girl is for a while. But one day she'll see everything that place represents is a lie. Some things we have to learn for ourselves."

Carla thinks of Libby and her haunting words in this moment

"_That child needs to open her eyes, she needs to really see what this Paradise Palace is like and when she does she'll want to leave and she will come with you…__The only way to make that happen is stop shielding her from the truth. As long as you're in the Palace she'll never know just how horrible he can be…"_

"Well look at you getting all deep and mysterious," says Maria grinning at her.

"I have my moments," replies Carla enjoying the banter with her old friend before looking back down at the letter she is trying to compose and sighing. Perhaps she ought to learn a few things herself. Like how not to hurt the man you love, or the daughter you adore.

"Oh Carla," says Maria, " I hate to see you so sad. It seems like ever since we were in the nursery you have been so serious and sad," she grabs for Carla's hands trying to give her a little comfort," I always wonder where things went so wrong for us, don't you? Remember how the cousins Marianne and Marie just seemed to have it all and us two, we just had all the misfortunes."

If Maria only knew the half of it, all of Carla's misfortunes.

"Misery loves company," says Carla trying her best not to cry but it's too late. Everything was coming to a head and she couldn't keep it in anymore, the pain she felt about having hurt Liam, "I just always seem to get it wrong, you know? Do stupid things I don't mean to."

"Tell me about it. I reckon our fathers must have spent too much time lecturing us in the nursery that we decided to subconsciously stick it to them and do everything wrong and opposite. I mean I partly married Nick Tisley just to piss my father off."

"And it worked," says Carla laughing through her tears, " Your father almost had a heart attack. I remember him saying he was going to burn down the church with everyone inside, he said that to me Maria on your wedding day!"

"My father is crazy," says Maria her eyes lighting up as she jumps up from her seat and rushes over to a nearby wine cabinet. Pulling out two glasses and a bottle of red she rushes back into her seat pouring them each a glass, "But he was right about Nicholas. I'll give him that much."

"Not as crazy as my father," says Carla grabbing the glass pushed forward.

"Oh don't even get me started on the tales of Mark Donovan!" says Maria throwing her hands up in the air, "I remember at your brother Roberts wedding how crazy he was. Carla he was mad! The bride Ruth kept on crying, poor girl didn't even want to walk down the church aisle. Her parents were going too easy on her for your fathers liking, he wasn't going to lose her families good fortune and prospects though, heaven forbid! He practically grabbed her and dragged her down the aisle by the elbow and hissed at her the whole ceremony to shut her trap. Poor Robert, he didn't look too enthused either. Wedding day or death sentence, with families like ours you never know."

"It's been such a long time since I've seen Robert," says Carla enjoying there reminiscing, "I do miss him so. I wish I would have written more."

"He came to your wedding though," says Maria, "Even if you couldn't come to his. He made it clear to your father there would be no harsh feelings. He told your father off about the ballet academy thing before as well. Couldn't believe he made you feel guilty for that money meant for his wedding going to your school. It was a dramatic day. But at least he came for your wedding."

"Yeah but only for the day. He couldn't stand to be around father or mother or anyone really and Ruth had just lost their first baby. I remember he looked sad, or so far removed. I can't remember the point is, he wasn't really present."

"Ahh," says Maria taking a big gulp, "The Miracle of family. They give you life, your life a purpose only to turn around and suck you dry of all the purpose as well. Sad—but you should write him. Siblings are important, Kirk and I keep each other sane."

"Kirk keeps people sane?" jokes Carla.

"Oh behave!"

"I made you laugh though and myself."

"I'm serious though. You should really write Robert and see how he is doing in Dublin. You could visit even, or the two of you could go on vacation."

"It would so awkward Maria. I haven't had proper contact with him since I was a little girl. Dynamics change, I know he always was so loving, but it would foolish to think I could build anything substantial after all this time. It sucked that he was always so much older."

"Your problem is that you're a pessimist. You approach the Liam situation like there is no hope. But lets be honest dear, from the one time I saw him eyeing you at the ball I knew that man was besotted with you. Whatever has happened to anger him so much, soon enough he'll wake up and realize he can't live without you. As for Robert, you'll never know until you try. I mean has Robert even ever met Giulia?"

"No," Carla whispers, "He hasn't. I know mother wrote him and told him of the birth, and we sent a picture but that was it. He wrote and said congratulations, but mother and father didn't seem to care if he visited or not. In fact father didn't want him in England. He wanted him away from my toxicity"

" Your father is such a jerk. More like Robert didn't want to be around his toxicity," snaps Maria, "Well you know how I feel about it all. I think you should write him, because tomorrow is never promised. I mean look at all the horrible stories going around about Margaret Connor. One day here the next day she isn't."

"I know," says Carla again thinking of Liam and how he must be suffering, "It is horrible what she's done. How she resorted to such sad measures."

"I always wonder though, just how horrible a persons life must be for them to just shrug there shoulders and raise a gun to their head," Maria pours another glass before passing the bottle to Carla, "Like he must have really neglected her. She must have really felt alone. It would horrible to feel so much despair, may God rest her soul."

" May God rest her soul," whispers Carla taking another gulp of the wine.

"Her parents want to keep quite about it all, or so mother tells me. Kind of hard to, if you ask me. It's hard to keep a shipping heir and not to mention an aristocratic wife's death out of the papers."

Carla wondered if there wasn't a thing Dorothy didn't know about somebody. Did she spend all day collecting gossip and reading the newspaper articles? It was sort of sick given the sad circumstances.

"Really? They want a small funeral?"

"Yes, they want a small funeral. They just want to lower her in the ground really; the priest says they are lucky she is even getting going to be buried in consecrated ground given the gravity of her sin. But it's the Connor's that are running the show. Priest can't say no to aristocrats and shipping heirs they help keep his lodgings comfy."

"And why shouldn't they? Paul was her husband after all Maria."

"From the looks of it he didn't treat her like much of a wife. He is said to have ignored her, or cheated her. He didn't take marriage too seriously."

"That's all speculation. I just want to be there for Liam but he won't let me."

"Well then be there for him anyways. Carla, can't you see he's testing you. He expects you won't be there for him, but you'll prove him wrong won't you?"

"Yes," says Carla an idea popping into her head, "All this talk about siblings has got me thinking."

"Oh yeah? About what?"

"Well I know Paul and Michelle must resent me a great deal for the strife I have caused within their dynamics. But if I could just go to Paul and Michelle and apologize for everything on Liam's behalf maybe they will all find it in their hearts to get over everything. Liam was in so much pain over missing Michelle in Morocco."

"That's not a bad idea Carla. But how would we go about this?"

Carla was on a high. This would prove to Liam how much she loved him. Her actions would speak louder than the word and all could be right again the world. She was excited to get down to business; she'd had Liam back in no time.

"Who said anything about a we?" she asks Maria.

"Hey, remember now that as your best friend I have this inherent need to live vicariously through you. I must be apart of this plot."

"It's not a plot."

"Any plan that involves using your female charms to win over a man is indeed a plot."

"I never said anything about female charms, Maria."

"I don't care. Were going to make you into a little femme fatale. Liam won't be able to resist you but at the same time we will make you presentable enough so you can win over Paul and Michelle in a heartbreak. Just play off your strengths and everything will go smoothly."

"I don't even have a clear cut plan yet for it to go smoothly. And I want to take this seriously. Not just seduce him, that won't solve anything"

"That's what I'm for! And yes it will, because sex solves a lot of things."

"Maria you are so pushy. I know a girl from America just like you in almost every single way. Sophie is her name."

"That's doubtful darling! I'm one of a kind. And so are you and if Liam doesn't notice this by time I am done making you over he is truly an idiot. Phase one of our plan is a make over. We're just going to make you a little… what shall I say risqué and then phase two involves you crying your eyes out like a poor damsel in distress, winning his siblings over immediately. Liam will come running as well."

"But he hasn't come running and I've wrote him a billion letters already. Plus Paul Connor will take more then a few tears to win over. I would have to get him something that shows I am sorry for his loss."

"That's because Liam hasn't seen you yet. Once he sees you that will all change because phase three of the plan involves stalking him out until he relents. You have to be pushy sometimes and go after the things you want. If you are everywhere he is, he won't be able to avoid you. As for Paul, yeah a gift sounds good."

"Maria this sounds like something you would have done in finishing school. Sort of immature and not at all what I had in mind. I won't stalk Liam."

"Carla, you stop your protesting," Maria holds out her hand jumping up and waiting for Carla to accept, "Time to get down to business. We have to be persistent. You have no better ideas anyways."

Carla figured she might as well take her friend up on the offer. All the quirkiness made her smile; it was just like old times. And it made her miss Sophie too, she was still in Cairo at the moment and they hadn't separated on the best of terms. Carla would have to fix that relationship too when the time came. Slowly she puts out her hand accepting Maria's offer and letting her best friend drag her from her chair and towards a purpose. She would get Liam back, somehow and someway; she would find a way to get him back.


	76. Chapter 76

**I apologize if this chapter seems all over the place. It is only because once I started writing it I couldn't stop. I hope it isn't too confusing and that the story is keeping everyone's interest still. And I apologize for the length but I am trying to write longer chapters so this story doesn't end up with a billion of them.**

**Thank you readers for bearing with me. And thank you those who take the time to review because it truly means a lot. Anyways here is the latest chapter and enjoy.**

Liam was so nervous as he followed his brother in laws housekeeper down the hallway. He could hear voices coming from within the drawing room and he it in mind to just turn around and walk out. What would say to his sister? It had been such a long time and he didn't think he'd be able to handle it because his mind wasn't in the right state. He grasps Cillian's hand a little tighter trying to grab all the strength he can from his son. He has to this, Cillian was his reason for carrying on

"Sir," says the housekeeper arriving at the drawing room, "Shall I do the honors?"

Liam stares at doors his heart beating and anticipating the moment he would see Michelle again. But then he also thought of Carla, as always she had a way of popping in his mind because she is such a big part of it now. She had made her mark in this home too. He remembers the day they come for hunting here, it seemed just like yesterday that he was walking her through these very doors. He grips Cillian's hand even tighter and the child looks up at him innocently.

"It's okay papa, no need to be nervous. I'm with you."

Liam's heart fills with warmth. Cillian didn't even know why they were here and yet he was offering words of encouragement in the face of the unknown. To be a kid again, Liam thought, to always see the simple side of things; it would be so lovely.

"We protect one another, hey?"

"Yes papa."

The housekeeper pushes open the doors to the drawing room.

"Sir," bellows the housekeeper to Michelle's husband Thomas Dean, "Your guests sir."

"Thomas who is standing with his back to Liam looking out the window turns around immediately.

The voices Liam heard where the servants tidying up Thomas's mess. They bow out immediately closing the doors

"Liam," he says rushing forward immediately with only kindness and warmth, "Oh my goodness. It's been such a long time. Give me a hug!"

And just like that Liam relaxes giving Thomas hug. Things truly could go back to the way things were if you wanted it enough. Thomas is all smiles immediately filling Liam in on everything.

"Michelle should be down shortly. Her and Phillipa are both feeling out of sorts. I'm sure Samuel didn't tell you Phillipa is engaged now. But the again how could he, you both away when it happened—"

Liam wants to interrupt him in order to introduce Cillian who is looking up at his uncle with an expression of innocent curiosity. Through all his ramblings Thomas finally looks down, his reaction is instantaneous.

"Oh my goodness," he whispers his wide eyes staring down at Cillian, "He looks like your double Liam—"

"I have a son," says Liam rather quietly, "This is Cillian. Come forward Cillian."

"I know," replies Thomas, "It is common knowledge. Alasdair's letter story and everything—"

The child comes forward to stand in front of his father immediately. Liam puts his hands on Cillian shoulders.

"Cillian, this is your uncle Thomas."

Thomas kneels down and grins in Cillian's face, "Well hello fine sir. You look an absolute gentleman."

"Who looks an absolute gentleman?" says a familiar voice entering the room followed by the sound of swinging doors.

Liam turns around staring into his sister's identical blue eyes and hollowed cheeks. She is wearing all black, for the mourning period. He notices she looks a lot more aged since he last say her over a year ago. For moment she is speechless because her eyes scan over Liam and Cillian both.

"Liam," she whispers, "Oh my gosh I am so happy to see you!"

Liam embraces her, holding on to his sister for dear life. He truly missed hugging her and he feels that if she closed his eyes he could savor this moment and hold on forever.

"As am I."

"And who is this adorable creature?" Michelle asks although from the smile she is giving Liam he can tell she has already figured it out.

"My name is Cillian," says Cillian his charms coming into play as usual around women.

"Well isn't that a beautiful name," says Michelle lowering herself to his level.

"Who is this lady papa?" says Cillian looking up at Liam with wide blue eyes.

"I'm your aunt Michelle, Cillian."

"Hello," Cillian says smiling at her.

"Hello," she whispers back, "How old are dear one?"

"Six," says Cillian proudly, "Mummy says I'm a big boy!"

"Oh how lovely," says Michelle glancing up at Liam and searching his eyes no doubt looking for all of this to be explained. But she wouldn't dare ask where Cillian mother was, she obviously knew it was Carla.

Cillian went right on ahead an answered like he knew what she was thinking, "Mummy couldn't make it today but she sends her love."

Liam knew for a fact that Carla did no such thing but he couldn't help but laugh at the creativity of children and how they could make things up just like that.

"Well tell her for me, wont you, that I send all my love too."

"I will."

"Cillian are you hungry?" Michelle asks.

"Yes."

"Would you like something to eat?"

"Yes please."

"Thomas," says Michelle rising up, "Won't you take this child and see what the cooks can make for him."

"Yes," says Thomas walking forward and kissing Michelle on the cheek. Then smiling down at Cillian he says "Lets get you some food."

"Is papa coming?" says Cillian stepping away from Liam and towards Thomas.

"No," Michelle answers, "Not at the moment Cillian. But both of us will be with you shortly. Just run along now. Your uncle Thomas will take good care of you."

And with Cillian and Thomas leave the room. Right away Michelle urges Liam to sit, asking him if he required any tea or alcohol and cigars. Liam noticed she looked increasingly fidgety and anxious; he declined all offers. Instead he thought of Paul.

"How is he?" Liam whispers finally his concern mirroring that if his sisters.

"I'd be lying if I said anything close to good," Michelle says gulping down lumps in her throat. She is trying to keep her composure but it seems too much for her to handle and she explodes into a fit of emotion, "Oh Liam it is so horrible!"

Liam gets up immediately to comfort his sobbing sister. He sits down next her, trying to hug and soothe her like he had when they were children. He lets her rest her head on his chest and he rocks her back and forth. Her tears soak his shirt.

"Shhh," he says, "It's okay Michelle. It's okay."

"It isn't though. I wish she would've talked to me! Hell I she would have talked to just anyone at all. But all she ever did was say nothing and just shrug her shoulders and wear that expressionless look on her face."

"You can't change it Michelle. We can't change what she did."

"I should have been nicer to her. I should've tried to include her in more things—make her feel like she was part of the family."

"The same could be said for me as well, for all of us."

"Mother doesn't care though!" says Michelle looking up at him her face drenched with tears, "She couldn't care at all. She hated Margaret. I heard her telling father Paul is free to marry someone better now."

That was low, Liam thought. Even for mother it was low.

"And what does Paul say to that?"

"He doesn't know she said it, and I'm never going to tell him. But it's all because Margaret didn't give him any children and as the eldest son it is of so much importance to Mother, that Paul has children."

"It's not her fault Paul wasn't interested."

"Mother doesn't see it that way."

"She's set in her ways Michelle. That much will never change," Liam sighs. This whole situation is horrible, "Is Paul managing?"

"No, not really. He came back from London and he saw the police and Father and Mother and he didn't think anything of it at first. He didn't think Margaret would ever have the nerve to actually leave him. It was horrible, I tried keeping him back from the room and away from the servant that saw it all. He was going to hit her! Thought she should have wrestled the gun out of Margaret's hand, and taken the bullet herself if she had to. I was angry that he was blaming others."

Liam says nothing, because he knows no amount of words will be able to ever capture the anguish of seeing ones wife dead in such a manner.

"But he saw her Liam, oh my goodness—the screaming. I've never heard our Paul cry like that before. And then he knelt down by her, didn't care there was blood everywhere at all and he just held her and rocked her and whispered to her. It was so heartbreaking. I think he realized what he just lost, and in the moment I believe he was truly sorry for it."

"Sometimes we don't know what we've lost until it's gone," Liam whispers. He thought of Carla again and the guilt for ignoring her stabbed him.

He loved her; there was no doubt about it. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, he loved her. He thought of how it had been for Margaret and Paul in the beginning. There was never really any love but there was a mutual respect he had witnessed. Paul was attentive before and he seemed as though he did care for her for a time. But some where along the way he decided his wife disappointed him and gave up really trying to be anything to her. He only seemed to tolerate her and his attitude Liam realized rubbed off on the whole family. They had cut Margaret out. He could be angry with Paul for treating Margaret as he had, but then he would have to accept some responsibility too. He never spoke up and said it was wrong what his brother did and so in a way he condoned it; he'd have to carry some of the blame as well.

"Even now he wont leave her, Liam. It's like he loves her more in death then he ever did in life. They have her ready and cleaned up now so all he does is stay in the chapel all day kneeling at her caskets side. I don't know what he is trying to do, but her parents don't like it one bit. They hate him, in fact I am certain they hate us all. "

"Maybe he thinks he has a price to pay," Liam says, "Maybe he is trying to make it up to her now. It is all very horrible and I will be there for him in anyway I can."

Liam heard a bit of commotion outside the door then, he noticed Michelle's look paled considerably and she seemed to be caught in a trance before quickly recovering and giving him a stern look. The change in her demure was unsettling.

"Yes," says Michelle, "The three of us have to stick together and ride out the storm. I hope you will stay in England and not runaway again. The family needs you, and you can't afford to be selfish any longer."

Liam is a bit annoyed. The way Michelle framed the statement placed the blame solely on his shoulders and he resented that it. He needed his family too and they weren't there for him so he had to leave. He hated how she made it seem like he was the one who was selfish.

"Well I needed the family too Michelle. And both you Paul didn't have my back."

Michelle stops crying immediately her face getting serious, "It's probably best we not talk about the Carla situation right now. It is not comparable to what Paul is suffering at all."

The nerve of her, Liam thought. She knew nothing of what he had suffered; she had no right to say that to him. He had lost Carla in so many ways. There were so many ways to lose a human being and death was only just one. Paul's loss was different, it was one of guilt and Paul would do good to repent for it all. But Liam wasn't like his brother; he had always been the good son; he had followed all the rules, worked hard for the families company and what he did he get in the return but to be shafted by the family because he dared to challenge the order of things.

"There are many different ways in which a person can suffer Michelle. Paul is suffering from guilt and shame. He should have treated her better and then she would have never left."

"Funny you should that," says Michelle looking at him coldly, "Because Margaret Wellington tells me all you do is treat Carla Gordon better; better than Antony ever could and yet she is said to leave you constantly. And from the looks of it she has left my nephew too."

"The nerve of Margaret," Liam says. He thought she wouldn't betray his trust, "You don't know the half of it so be quite!"

"I know all there is to know about that woman now. She isn't at all what I thought she'd be. She treats you horrible apparently, stomps on your heart and you forgive her."

"You don't know what you're talking about Michelle!" He can feel his insides boiling.

"I do actually," says Michelle holding her ground. Antony Gordon has become a dear family friend and confidant of our Paul and father. He tells them plenty and father and Paul repeat it all to me. I know about her keeping that child from you, everyone does. The story of Alasdair's letter is legendary. I hate her, and I hate that she hurts you."

"You don't understand—"

"No do you don't understand Liam! The time has come for you choose."

Liam jumps off the couch, "Since when have you become fathers little foot shoulder?"

"Since you upped and left and father realized he only had me to depend upon. I took that burden on, the burden you so selfishly neglected and I did my time Liam. I did what I had to do for our family, while Paul took off with prostitutes and crashing cars every damn weekend!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know I'm the one who told mother about the D. Matheson Barlow. You know I did it and I am telling you I would it again. After everything that woman has done, I would do it again."

"What has Antony told you guys about her?" says Liam surprised at Michelle venomous voice.

"The truth, Liam. Antony told us all about her and the hysteria and the claims she made against her uncle. It's sick and father will not have her in this family."

"When did that even become a possibility in fathers mind? Carla being apart of the family? Divorce is not permitted."

"Since Antony Gordon has made it very clear he is going to divorce that Caroline woman and marry his new love, the lady Tina McIntyre."

"This is news to me," says Liam decidedly shocked. A flutter of emotions formed inside of him confusing him because on one hand it meant Carla would free to marry him, but on the other hand he was still pissed at her and marriage seemed to be the last thing he should be wanting.

"Liam," says Michelle her eyes softening again and her voice less harsh, "I don't mean to be hard on you. I just don't want that women showing her face around these parts during this difficult time for our family. You want reconciliation don't you?"

"Of course," says Liam because he truly felt all alone in this world, "Of course I want to reconcile with you and everyone. I love you all. I miss the way things were with Paul."

"Good," says Michelle, "Because I want that too. But we can't have that if Carla Gordon is popping up and causing difficulties. It seems you are hopelessly in love with her. I get it, I adored her at one time also. But times have change, so if you must carry on with her, you'll have to do so away from this family."

"I shouldn't have to choose between family and the woman I love Michelle! No one should."

Michelle suddenly reaches for his hand forcefully grasping it as Liam tries to pull away. He looks into her eyes, they seem to be pleading something communicating something completely different then her words as she shoves a piece of paper from out of nowhere in his hand.

She mouths, "Put it away and read it later. I'll explain everything later."

"What?" says Liam confused.

But Michelle just shakes her head, "Not now she mouths. They are listening."

"Who is?" Liam whispers.

"Father, Antony…"

Liam is shocked. What the hell was father doing at Tom's parents house much less Antony Gordon? Had Antony infiltrated and conned his way into the Connor's good graces that much? What was his deal, other than to ruin Liam's relationship with his family more?

"Antony is here?" Liam mouths back.

Michelle nods her head feverishly before continuing on with what now Liam realizes is a script, "You have to choose Liam. That's all there is to it. It's us or her."

"She is the mother of my child," Liam says his voice now stumbling trying to figure out how to navigate through this game.

"A mother the child would be better off without."

"You can't ask me to make that choice."

"Just make it Liam. Choose correctly. Paul needs you right now. We all need you. She obviously doesn't need you, or she wouldn't break your heart. So choose."

Liam looks into Michelle's eyes trying to read them. It seems as though fear is penetrating right through them and it scares him to think what forces are behind it. Just how close had Antony gotten to Paul and father, he wondered? Obviously enough to inspire such fear in his sister and enough to make her feel like her fate rested on Liam's answer.

"Say yes," Michelle mouths, "Just choose family. Trust me Liam, they're listening."

"Yes," Liam blurts out. He is confused and flustered.

"Yes what?" says Michelle trying to keep her voice stern and willful like the script required.

"Yes I choose family, okay Michelle, family."

"You can always depended upon to make the right choice," Michelle says her voice cracking with a bit with relief.

It sounded so rehearsed now that Liam thinks about it, nothing that Michelle would say, but rather something father would. He should have caught on earlier.

Just then the door to the drawing room swings open. Liam looks up breaking his eyes away from his scared sister as his father Fionnbharrth enters the room. Antony Gordon follows him closely along with an older gentleman Liam can only assume is Antony's father.

"Michelle darling," says Antony striding forward and leaning down to kiss her both cheeks, "So good of you to invite us for tea."

"It was father's idea," says Michelle trying her best to hide her fear and contempt.

"Where is Thomas?"

"Away."

Liam is flabbergasted. He hates Antony so much and his hatred is so intensified it has immobilized him. His eyes fall on his father. His blue eyes are looking down on Liam coldly for a moment before he breaks into a smile.

"Lo and behold, it seems alas the prodigal son has returned," Fionnbharrth muses.

Liam rises immediately as a sign of respect, "Father," he stumbles, "Hello father."

"Hello my son," says Fionnbharrth grasping him by both shoulders.

The room is silent. The tension could be cut with a knife. Michelle sits cowering and afraid on the couch and Antony wears an expression of pure evil; the older man, Antony's double stands with a patriarchal air.

"Father," Liam says again because he is at a loss for words as to what is going on.

"It has been such a long time my son. But at last you have returned to me, as everyone said you would. Antony prayed with your mother weekly, told us to keep faith and our good faith has repaid us. My favorite son has returned."

Liam is embraced in an airtight hug. He doesn't know how to feel, if he should welcome such warmth or deny it. Something wasn't right, he could feel it and Antony's pervasive involvement in his family's life was sickening. As they hug Antony starts clapping and Michelle Liam observes feels obligated to join in. However Antony's father glares at his son with contempt and disapproval. Fionnbharrth releases Liam smiling down on him broadly.

"You come back home at time which will forever be a sad period in our family history. But it's as good a time as any, to start rebuilding tarnished relationship's. Margaret would have wanted it—even though she may not be able to see it from her place in hell."

"Father!" says Michelle clearly upset with her fathers lack of compassion.

"I don't make the rules Michelle, God does. Margaret is burning in the fiery pits of hell for her sin! Lucky for her that she was Paul's wife because it is the only reason she is getting buried in consecrated ground; to give my poor son comfort! "

"Mr. Liam Connor," says Antony interrupting Fionnbharrth's impassioned speech, "A long time it has been. I am glad to see you back in England." He holds out his hand for Liam to shake.

Liam glares him, adamant that he doesn't wish to touch him and refuses to play his game. Antony's hand falls in the air of silence.

"You said he would be a good sport Fionnbharrth. He seems quite angry with me, although I can't imagine why. He's the one who stole my wife after all." Antony smirks.

Liam still glares deciding he will ignore this evil bastards presence. He will not entertain whatever Antony is trying to do, because Michelle made it clear he was up to something.

"Where have you been for the whole year?" Antony asks still trying to antagonize him.

"Now that's enough Antony," says the older man.

"How's my wife?" Antony adds in a singsong voice ignoring his father, "Is she barren yet? Or has she given you yet another bastard son?"

Liam clenched his jaw shut. He wasn't going to resort to violence, not now. It was what Antony's wants. But he would get Antony eventually for daring to insult his Cillian. For now he had a part to play and therefore had to keep his composure.

Michelle lets out a gasp, while Fionnbarths jaw drops only slightly. Liam had a feeling his father held Antony's views on Cillian.

"ANTONY!"

"Sorry father," says Antony although he looks quite pleased, "I forget myself sometimes. We were great friends, he and I before Caroline came between us."

"We were never friends," Liam finally musters.

"Hmmm," says Antony pleased to have gotten a response, "I suppose you're right. I mean what sort of a friend or gentleman for that matter would embrace another man's hospitality; be an invited guest in his home and then proceed to steal his wife from right under his nose."

"I didn't have to steal Carla from you. She couldn't wait to be free of you, all she needed was an opening."

"Now, now Liam," says Fionnbharrth , "This is not the place or the time—"

"You both will behave yourselves," says the older man to Antony, "I raised you better then that!"

"I can't help it. Don't you see father, Caroline is already causing problems and she isn't even here. But I am sure she is pleased with herself. I came here for Paul's sake anyways, the poor chap misses his brother. I was trying to keep the peace"

"Well I am here for him, so don't you worry about that!"

"Hmmm," Antony laughs, "Between you I, I think I make a much a better brother Liam. Paul has told me I'm a lot more thoughtful. I wonder, does Caroline say I'm a better lover? I mean I must be, you two are not together again or so father tells me, right father?"

"Antony, I am warning you—"

"You must be Alasdair," says Liam finally addressing the older man, "I pity you for having a vile creature such as this for a son."

"Liam!"

"We must control our sons Fionnbharrth , they have quite the temper when it comes to the lovely Caroline. Her beauty is a curse ,I tell you. Nothing good ever comes from that innocent and demure face. Your daughter Michelle is a refined beauty as well though, Caroline should be more like her."

Michelle smiles meekly on the couch looking like she'd rather be anywhere but here.

"Father I thought we were meant to be having tea?"

"Not yet Michelle," says Anthony answering her instead, "We're still waiting on a few more guests."

"Paul isn't coming I hope. He is mourning."

"Of course not. I bought along a few ladies for your company since Phillipa is still ill and all."

Liam hears loud chatter at the other end of the door and the doors swing open, with two young ladies walking in instantly. Liam recognizes Carla's daughter Giulia immediately. He is confused, he thought she was safe in New York away from her father or least that is what Carla led him to believe. She looked exactly like Carla it's frightening. The other lady, Liam didn't recognize but she had dark brown hair and olive skin and brown eyes.

"Darling," says the young lady waltzing over to Antony she looked about seventeen, "So sorry to keep you waiting. I was powdering my nose and teaching Giulia to do the same."

"Not a worry at all," says Antony stealing one last smirk at Liam before kissing her on the cheek, "My darling can take her time doing whatever she pleases. I would give you the world."

It was like a freak show. Liam noticed his own father was at a loss for words with this ditzy woman in front of them. Alasdair's stare look even more hilarious, it was murderous and full of utter disappointment. Liam was glad Antony looked nothing more than a joke in this particular moment.

"You spoil me too much darling. I don't deserve you."

Liam felt like he was going to puke, this had to be the girl Tina. Antony certainly had a type he thought as he observed her olive skin and dark hair. Giulia he noted stood shyly in the background, her green eyes expressionless as she observed her father carrying on with a woman old enough to be her sister. He felt so sorry for her and wondered why she was even separated from Carla. He had to find out. She spots him looking her and gives him the coldest look she can muster before her eyes water and she turns to her grandfather whispering something. Liam observes Alasdair whisper affectionately in her ear and squeeze her shoulder urging her to do something. It was a surprisingly sight from someone Carla had often described as the devil incarnate.

"Go on Giulia, have some manners," Alasdair says.

Giulia steps forward and Liam again notices all the similarities she has to Carla as she walks in a similar fashion and has the same delicate hands and neck. He misses Carla very much; he wishes she hadn't messed up everything.

She stops in front him and looking back at her grandfather who nods his head in encouragement she turns to Liam again and curtly says, "Sir."

"Miss," says Liam rather awkwardly, "How do you do?"

"Fine sir," and then hesitating for a moment she says, "And you?"

"Fine."

Again she looks back at her grandfather but this time more nervously before turning to Liam again and whispering, "And my mother? How is my mother?"

"I think she is well," Liam lied. He saw the sadness in her eyes, just like Carla's. The lumps she tried to suppress in her throat were heartbreaking and he wished to give her some comfort so he said, "Cillian is here."

Her face marred with such sadness and uncertainty lit up for a second and she gave a small smile, "Really?"

"Yes," Liam whispers," I shall let you see him later if you like."

"Yes please," whispers.

"Giulia," says Alasdair now growing suspicious, "Sit down next to Michelle. It is impolite to be speaking with a gentleman as old as he for so long."

"Yes grandfather," Giulia gives Liam one last glance her hatred and resentment towards Liam still evident but softening as she joins Michelle on the couch.

"Liam," says Antony looking up from his young plaything Tina, "I don't think you have formerly met the woman I wish to make my wife."

Liam hears Alasdair mutter something under his breathe again the look is murderous and if anything indicates this wedding was not going to be happening any place outside of Antony's head. His father would put a stop to it.

"I have not and you know it," says Liam again not concealing his utter hatred and disgust.

Alasdair he noticed still wore a look of disapproval which was closely mirrored by Liam's own father.

"Come Tina," says Antony holding grabbing her hand and pushing the girl forward, "This is Mr. Liam Connor."

"Miss," says Liam curtly. He doesn't want to entertain this man and his foolery any longer. He has it in mind to tell his father he is going to see Paul.

The girl gives out a few giggles, grinning at Antony like either a lovesick puppy or a deranged fool, Liam couldn't decide which.

"Oh darling," she says tapping Antony's noise playfully and then turning to Liam says, "Hello sir."

"Tina darling," says Antony, "Many would think me foolish in introducing you to him. He has history of wanting the things which are mine, but I'm a mature man. I can let bygones be bygones. I can trust he won't try to steal you as well."

"I wouldn't let him," she says rather shrilly.

"Good girl," says Antony, "This one's built strong Liam; An upgrade from our Caroline. Fiercely loyal, she won't fall into the arms of the first man who tells her she's beautiful—none of that hysteria or melancholy. She is so young and full of life. She breathes new life into the Palace. And most importantly she can give a son, not at all the dried up old hag her predecessor has become. Poor, poor Caroline; such a shadow of her former self-not a legendary beauty any longer."

The girl gives out a giggle at the comment. Liam thinks she is rather foolish, soon enough she would be in Carla's place, trapped in that Palace. Antony would treat her just the same.

"Congratulations," says Liam, "I couldn't really care to be honest."

"Aww, now don't be a poor sport Liam. I can tell you wish you could have a piece. Don't you just want a bit of this young thing here?" Antony grabs at Tina like she is a piece of meat and the girl lets out another giggle.

Michelle let out another gasp and Liam was quite frankly surprised Antony was acting like such a dog in front of the two patriarchs. He was vulgar and even worse the girl was too dumb to be offended.

"Too bad though," Antony continued, "I don't much like sharing my things like they do at the whorehouse."

"ANTONY I AM WARNING YOU! ONE MORE REMARK—"

"Sorry father," Antony says holding Liam's eyes, " I forget that some people still consider that whore Caroline to be such a prize. But you know what they say Liam, one man's trash—"

"You will stop that! Not in front of Giulia! You will not debase her mother!"

"Giulia knows what her mother is, father. I'll say as I please. She is my wife after all!"

"You'd be wise to not cross me son!"

Liam was ready to swing at Antony. He wanted to beat his face into the ground. But he stopped himself because he refused to give Antony exactly as he wanted. Besides he could just let his father Alasdair do it, the man seemed ready to explode.

Liam glanced at Giulia she was staring at her feet and from the angle of her face he could tell tears were in issue. The poor girl he thought, no child deserved this.

"Father," says Michelle in an almost pleading voice, "Aren't we meant to be having tea now?"

"Yes, yes Michelle I remember! Come along everyone."

"Father," says Liam now, "I won't be staying. I wish to see Paul now. I came to see him, not to have tea."

"Understandable. But for someone who is making the choice to do right by your family it isn't a very good start."

"I fail to see how having tea with the Gordon's will help Paul in the grieving process. Please father, allow me to go? I have endured Antony's insults enough for the afternoon."

"To hear his thoughts on Caroline are simply the truth, not insults," remarks Fionnbharrth.

Liam realizes his father is testing him, so he has to answer carefully. He still was putting his faith in Michelle that she would explain everything in detail. He looks over at Giulia his insides battling with what is right and wrong. He hated being put in such a difficult position; she is glancing at him waiting to see if he is the one man who will have her mothers back. It kills him what is about to say, and he knows it will scar Giulia's heart and view of men forever. But he would explain to her when the time was right, that he doesn't mean a word of it.

Even though it kills him and even though he doesn't agree he says, "Yes father. You are right."

Fionnbharrth exchanges smiles with Antony and Alasdair before beaming at Liam proudly. His deposition lightening up immediately, "I suppose you are right in going to see Paul. He needs you and that would demonstrate your loyalty the best at the moment. I am so glad that you home and that we can be family again."

"As am I father," Liam responds in a monotone fashion. He did not recognize this man anymore. His father had been corrupted by Antony.

"Alright, are you coming Michelle?" there father asks as Alasdair beckons Giulia from the couch and Antony guides Tina from the room.

"I think I would like to go with Liam. If he is going to visit Paul, I shall like to go too father. May I?"

"I suppose you can. But I am disappointed in you Michelle, I thought you would be staying."

"Sorry father."

"You're not child," says Fionnbharrth rather sternly, "But I shall forgive you and let you go anyways. Goodbye then, goodbye to both of you."

There father follows the rest of the guests from the room, leaving both Michelle and Liam stunned. Liam stands just wondering what in the hells name just happened. But Michelle looks visibly shaken, her eyes he notices have bags. She is breathing heavily and rushes forward to the door at an alarming rate pressing her ear up against the wall of it just listening and steadying her breathing.

"What's going on?" Liam says

But Michelle holds up her finger to silence him, "Shhh," she says.

So Liam waits for what seems to be an eternity until Michelle finally removes her ear from the door and walks back towards him.

"What is going on Michelle?" he repeats.

"I had to make sure they were truly gone Liam. Oh ever since you've left, father has turned into a tyrant, an absolute tyrant! Did you see that? The way I had to ask his permission to leave? I can't even ask my own husband anymore, I have to ask father permission for everything now, to breathe even. And even mother is bit fearful of him and mother is not fearful of anyone!"

"Tell me what's going on?" Liam grips her shoulders trying to steady his sister.

"Ever since you've left over a year ago, father and Antony have gotten exceptionally close. At first Antony just worked his charms with Paul, kept on throwing the nicest parties and everything, going on outings together. But slowly he has been reeling father in as well. And that is not the worst of it Liam, Thomas told me he was going through some files for father and in them were some documents I don't think Thomas was supposed to see."

"What sort of documents?" says Liam sensing the urgency of the situation.

"Documents that would disinherit you and give all your shares of the company to Antony instead! Father practically calls him his third son anyways and Paul regards him as a second brother. I have no doubt father has been manipulated into doing it"

"I don't understand how that is even possible. Father is smart. He wouldn't part ways with the blood and give shares to Antony."

"But Antony already has shares Liam! Ever since that first business deal—you know how he wants a name for himself outside of his father, how he wants to show Alasdair up, everyone does! And what better way then to make a fortune with a family older and with more prestige than the Gordon's. Us Connor's come from a line of barons and baronets. We are old money, Antony is more Nouveau Riche!"

Liam just nodded his head trying to process all this information. The lengths of Antony's cunning and plotting were unbelievable. He wondered, had this been Antony's goal all along? Had he marked the two Connor brothers as a target? Dangled his beautiful wife in front of them and decided to destroy and take the inheritance of which ever took the bait first? No it couldn't be? Antony was smart, but even he couldn't have concocted a plan so natural and perfect no one would suspect a thing, or could he?

There was no denying he knew Carla, he was her husband afterall. He knew the vulnerability of her character or as he put it that she would fall into bed with the first man who said she was beautiful. His mind was struggling but it was starting to piece things together. On the day he had met Caroline, she had just returned from London, in fact she was urged home from London. Why? Why did Antony need her so badly for his meeting with him and Paul? On the surface it would seem he needed her to present the persona of a perfect marriage; but digger deeper he knew her remarkable beauty was bound to make an impression; inspire lust in a man. He must have known something about Liam as well, I mean before his days of maturing Liam had been a ladies man, a heartbreaker, aimless and frolicking all around London and Paris with Samuel and Paul. He had pissed off Phillipa's friend Tracey Barlow so much that she had spread the horrors of his exploits around London society, telling anyone who would listen that he was a scoundrel. It explained a lot of the reason why Peter must hate him and further Antony must have heard about it to.

But even if he planned this all out in his head, what are the chances everything would go as planned? Carla always told Liam how Antony threatened her on the day they first met that she better mess up this deal for him, that everything must go perfectly. But Liam wondered whether it was because he knew she'd mess up that everything would go perfectly? That perhaps he wanted her to fall for Liam, to manipulate her for his own sick purposes. He knew what would happen before it took place. But what would be his reasons? Perhaps maybe to make himself look better in the courts if divorce became a reality. But else Liam wondered, what other reasons would he have for putting Liam infront his wife?

Perhaps Liam was giving Antony too much credit, because for everything to fall into place would be too perfect. No man could orchestrate such a intricate plan and predict every move the players would make. Antony couldn't be that great of a puppet master. No man could walk away destroying the women he hated and getting everything he wanted…but Antony could, he could Liam was certain of it. He had a way of controlling Carla even when she was miles away from him; he had left such a pervasive mark on her that anything was possible.

Antony wanted three things, his fortune, Paradise Palace, and Carla But Liam was starting to see that perhaps he was approaching things all wrong. Antony may very well want Carla, but Liam had always made the assumption of thinking he wanted her alive. He could very well want her dead too; he must want her dead. She was the only thing preventing him from having absolute control of Giulia. The only thing that threatened his hold over his daughter. Liam read the letter Carla wrote; he knew what transpired in January of 1920. Antony was willing to kill Carla not only because he was losing control over her but because she threatened Giulia's perception of him and the Palace. He realized even then the direness of the situation; that he couldn't afford for Giulia to be taken from the Palace from under his grasp or the illusion. These emotions of control were only amplified because as Carla had revealed indirectly in the letter; Antony was feeling threatened by his father Alasdair once again. The circumstances of which made him even more reckless.

Liam's mind is thinking more. What would be his other reasons for wanting to control Giulia? Outside of her being his blood; she meant a secure fortune…fortune that was always it, Antony's main motive. If he had her mother out of they way, he could exert all control over the girl and from just a few moments of viewing Alasdair with granddaughter; Liam knew it would be beneficial to Antony. If he controlled Giulia he would ultimately get the upper hand over his father, he would threaten the girl's life probably in order to get his way. But what about Tina; what is her purpose in this plot? Liam had to figure it out. He snaps back into reality listening to Michelle.

" …Antony has been rather attentive. And works off your betrayal of the family and your leaving constantly. Anytime father seemed like he was softening towards you, Antony would be there to rail him back in; whispering vile things in his ear. Thomas has tried to speak kindly of you; he sees what Antony is; but father won't hear it."

Liam was confused, because their father had greeted him kindly. He seemed so happy for Liam to have returned.

"I don't understand Michelle. Father seemed happy for my return."

"It's an act Liam. A test. Father is testing you because Antony put it in his mind you are not loyal. That's why Antony was bashing Carla so much in front of you and father said nothing. He wanted to see if you would defend her, and they gave me a script, they told me to be harsh with you, to say you didn't have a choice between Carla and family earlier."

"You said they were listening outside the door," Liam remarks

"They were. They wanted to make sure I went through with it. That's why I passed you the letter. It has much more in it. I haven't even told you what Antony has planned next."

"Tell me now."

But Liam has a strong suspicion he already knows.

"Father wants Carla dead Liam," Michelle finally spits out, "I heard them. I heard a whole conversation, I wasn't meant to hear."

"What?" says Liam the blood draining from his face. He could believe Antony wanting Carla dead, but why father.

"He has it in his mind to kill her. Him and Antony had been meeting in private and father brought it up. He is obsessing over ways to bring you back for good and Antony suggested that the thing keeping you away should be dealt with once and for all."

"Carla," Liam whispers.

"Exactly."

"But why would Antony want me back in England? If I get back in father's good graces—"

"Oh don't you see Liam! He cares more about you not having Carla. If he can't have her then neither will you! He'd put her in the ground before he ever let her walk free and into your arms. Don't you see he plays off of family dynamics. If father has Carla killed, Antony will surely make sure you find who was responsible for ir. What better way to alienate a father from a son."

"Of course," says Liam it was all making sense now.

What better was there to alienate a father from his son, but by convincing the father his actions were all for love and his son would understand; knowing full well the son would never see it that way. It would only make ties more convoluted and distance Liam from his inheritance even more. All the while Antony could swoop in an be the understanding and loyal son Fionnbharrth never had. He could take Liam's money and in the same hand get closer to Aladsairs money; with his wife finally out of the way he could have absolute all control over Giulia, nothing could taint her perception of her father. Whoever controlled Giulia would have Alasdair's wealth as well. The plan was perfect, but somehow Liam and Michelle were unraveling it and now Liam could be sure what to look out for.

"We have to stop him Michelle. We have to save Carla."

"We have to save father too."

"But we need proof. All of this is speculation."

"Thomas made a copy of the documents he found. That's a start. Other then that there isn't much else we can do. There are two many different plots going on. I can feel it. These houses aren't nothing without a good plot cooking behind every door. First fathers plot, and then Antony's. And I have no doubt that father of his Alasdair has some agenda he is trying to push as well. We'd be foolish to try and take them all on at once, everyone is manipulating someone, everyone things they have one upped the other. It's too much to keep up when everyone of them thinks they are the grand master of the manipulation."

"But we have to figure out what that girls plot is. That Tina McIntyre."

"Oh Liam she's no one smart. Her plan is just marrying for money and securing her lifestyle with a baby."

"I'm not sure so Michelle—it seems so unlike Antony to be willing to marry anyone else. No matter how much he hates Carla, he is obsessed with her as well. I don't think he could marry anyone else-"

"We'll figure it all out when it comes down to okay. But for now I need to promise me something."

"What?" says Liam sighing. He is surprised how him and Michelle just naturally made up without any actual apologies. He assumed this must be the apology now.

"Don't get pissy at Margaret. But I had to telephone her up as soon as I learn you all were in Cairo at the same time. But anyways I pressured her to tell me all that had happened and she told me you and Carla are fighting—"

"So," says Liam with a great amount of hostility, "What's it to you? You told on me when I went to New York."

"Another topic for another time brother," says Michelle curtly, "But for now I just want you to keep it together. Antony will likely feed off any discourse between you both."

"I don't know if I can forgive that right now."

"Make an effort to at least check up on her though! Visit her in London, make sure she is safe. Father won't strike when your around and neither will Antony. You have to look out for her, it's your duty! She's the mother of your child."

"I know and I will. But that doesn't mean—"

"It doesn't have to mean anything right now other then keeping her safe at the moment."

"Why do care Michelle? Last time I was here it was all about Romola this and Romola that."

"Because I love you Liam. You're my brother and when you left I lost a part of me and this family truly lost it's soul. The vultures descended and started tearing us apart. Father isn't the same and Margaret killed herself. Forgive me if I think that you being around makes it seem like the early years were truly special for this family."

"But you hate Carla."

"Even if I did, and you know that's not true; should it matter? I mean really if you love the girl it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks, not I, nor Paul or anyone. You keep on saying you don't care, but you must; so I think it's time you start showing it; the both of you. Plus you have a child together, it's time to stop the pettiness."

Liam fights back the onset of tears. He knew Michelle was right; he knew that this is what Antony wants; he knew but still he just couldn't reach the point of forgiveness. He had to take it one relationship at a time and Michelle was the most he could handle at the moment. Paul would be the next. He would deal with Carla and everything else when the time was right.


	77. Chapter 77

**This chapter is for you Eva and for you AliK_Fan. I hope this chapter was worth the wait and thanks for all your guys support.**

Carla didn't like any of Maria's ideas when it came to doing the makeover; that after a couple of hours in front of the mirror and a few bottles of red they both completely abandoned the idea for the day. They often this ever since they were children, get bored and give up on grand plans. Eventually they ended up in the salon room sprawled out over the couches and eating macaroons. It was just what Carla realized she needed, a pressure free situation. She didn't want to think about all the hurt she caused Giulia or being separated from Cillian and Liam. She couldn't even handle any of Maria's outlandish plans for seduction. She just stared at the walls in Maria's townhouse sipping her wine. The smell of the wine was beginning to make her queasy but she needed something to keep her hands busy.

"Do you want to finish this off?" says Maria holding up the bottle of wine from her sitting area.

"No," says Carla, "You have it. I feel sick."

"Perhaps you should have a lay down."

"Nah, I don't want to sleep. If I sleep I'll just dream about Liam."

"Well we have to do something other than get drunk. Perhaps we could go to a picture show. I do enjoy watching a Mary Pickford show from time to time. I admit Charlie Chaplin is a favorite of mine too."

"You're mother must not be too pleased," Carla manages. She was really feeling ill. She had drank way too much.

"Mother doesn't know," responds Maria, "She wouldn't approve. She thinks films are scary and unnatural. Marianne and I sneak about all the time to catch a film or two. Mother always wants to know where we've gone."

"Lovely," says Carla trying to keep focused, "But I don't think I could manage that today. Besides we are tipsy and just imagine how people would react to two ladies such as ourselves walking around unescorted and intoxicated in public."

"I imagine we'd give them a good laugh. Something to be very horrified about," says Maria, "Like mother says the downfall of civilization."

" Well I am not willing to take the chance. Imagine of word got back to Antony—"

"Because Antony has spies watching out for you at picture shows in London, right?" Maria mocks.

"You never know when it comes to Antony. And he'll twist stories to make me look bad in Giulia's eyes or the courts.

"Well what do you want to do then? I mean you don't want to do a makeover, you don't want to scheme. You're being an absolute bore. And if you're worried about men harassing us in public, we could always just invite Peter along. I've seen Peter at shows before in London. He says he loves Chaplin, saw shows in New York all the time in 1920 with his own father."

"Hanging out with Peter would be lovely," says Carla, "But can't you just invite him here? We could have dinner and play some card games."

"I'll have my housekeeper telephone him," says Maria and snapping her fingers she calls for the housekeeper giving her the message.

"I am surprised you agreed to it so quickly," says Carla, "Usually you are so difficult and throw a fit."

"Well Peter's company is welcome. You need to lighten up Carla and smile. I care for your happiness you know, I'm not always so petulant and selfish."

"I know," says Carla smiling. She did sometimes take her dear friend for granted. She took everyone for granted and it made her sad. Sliding off the couch she steadies her balance and says, "I think I will have a quick freshen up before Peter gets here."

"The housekeeper hasn't even come back yet with any word—"

"Well I'm just assuming then or rather hoping that he will come. I do miss Peter."

"You just came from his to mine," says Maria sounding a bit annoyed.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," Carla says. Her mood is perking up just thinking of seeing Peter again. But Maria was right; she had only just come from his.

"You are ridiculous, you are," says Maria, "He better bring a friend, because you two will just ignore me. He'll talk on and on about Simon and his polio and then you'll trade stories on Liam. And me? We'll I'll be left all alone and have nothing tragic enough to share that could even compare."

"Peter won't exclude you," says Carla heading for the stairs, "He adores you Maria and so do I. I promise not to make the topic of conversation too depressing. After all that is why he is coming over, to stop me being sad."

Carla runs up the stairs and into her guest bedroom. She was just going to put on a nicer dress and tidy up her hair. She felt happy even if it was only temporary, but Peter had a way of grounding her and making her feel like everything would be okay. He really helped put things in perspective and she needed that right now, a different perspective.

Quickly she pins up her hair with butterfly comb and slips on a green dress and pearls. Her eyes briefly scan over the emerald necklace Liam had given her, struggling with all that she has lost. That Necklace was supposed to signify a new beginning but she had let him down once again. She pushes the necklace from view because she hears the sound of voices from downstairs. Could Peter had gotten here so quick already? She would go check.

Slowly she walks out of her guest room and down the hallway towards the staircase. She smiles leaning against the banister up top as her dear friend Peter chats up Maria and another man Carla did not know.

"Do you want a brandy?" says Maria delicately touching Peter's shoulder.

"No darling," says Peter grinning, "What I want is Carla."

"Oh you're so cheeky Peter."

"He does have his ways, doesn't he?" says the man accompanying Peter.''

"You're not going to introduce us Peter?" says Maria folding her arms in playful contempt.

"Not until I see _my _Carla," Peter smirks biting his lip and holding his ground.

His friend gives him a playful pat on the back, "That a man Peter, show her who is boss."

"_Your_ Carla?" says Maria raising an eyebrow, "You might want to rephrase that. Carla doesn't belong to you at all. She belongs to Li—"

Carla would not let Maria finish Liam's name. She couldn't afford for a night of tension and anger. Peter absolutely despised Liam and she wanted his company to be friendly tonight, not spent brooding over Liam and hers relationship. He would never understand it; the way she loved Liam.

"Here I am," she bellows in her signature singsong voice.

All three heads rise up and Peter breaks out into a smile.

"Get on down here and give me a proper hug darling!" he says grinning at her.

"I suppose I could," says Carla returning his smile.

She felt a bit guilty and it didn't have everything to do with Liam. But she knew her smile would never be able to deliver all it promised. She knew Peter has strong feelings for her and perhaps she should do better to not encourage it.

"Oh goodness," says Maria, "You've only just dropped her off this morning Peter! You act like you haven't seen her in years."

"Any moment I don't see Carla seems like years," remarks Peter now walking to the base of the stairs and holding out his arms for Carla to descend into.

"Really laying it on thick mate," remarks his friend smirking at the pair of them.

Carla slowly glides to the foot of the stairs and with one last look takes a deep breath. She shouldn't be encouraging this, but at the same time Peter was always there for her; he would always be her friend and nothing more. He knew that, they both did. Without a second thought she gallops into his embrace.

"Missed you Peter," Carla whispers, "Even though I stayed at yours only yesterday, I miss you."

Peter holds her rocking her back and forth and she feel his fingers stroking at the nape of her neck and her up do. One could easily tell themselves this was how friends behaved; that was what Carla told herself because all she wants in that way is Liam. Trevor had been a blunder a mistake she would never repeat.

"I do hope I'll get to see Cillian soon," Peter whispers, "And Giulia. Simon is so looking forward to meeting Giulia."

"I hope you will see them soon as well. We should make a day of it with all three children," Carla whispers back all the while thinking Antony would never let Giulia out of his sight.

They break apart finally and Carla smiles at Peter's friend.

"Hello," she says cheerfully.

"Oh how rude of me," says Peter snapping out of his daze. He had been gazing at Carla for far too long, "Forgive me, this is my good friend Ciaran. Ciaran this is my dear friend Carla and also my other friend Maria."

"Nice to meet you, Miss," he says politely to both Maria and Carla.

"Nice to meet you as well," says Maria, "You have lovely eyes sir."

"Thank you," Ciaran smiles, "You have lovely everything."

Carla and Peter burst out laughing.

"Ciaran you have horrible tact my friend!" Peter exclaims

Maria turns red, "I wasn't offended. I know he was just being polite. You two I can tell will be nothing but bothersome this evening," she stomps toward the dinning area.

Ciaran follows while Carla and Peter continue to giggle. Carla couldn't help it; Peter just had a way of making her feel free, like there was no pressure. Ever since she met him at the ball all those years ago, he made her feel like didn't have to be so worrisome. She welcomed it and would not apologize to anyone for it.

"I made Ciaran come so he could look after Maria," Peter whispers winking at her, "She is beautiful enough for him not to care about the stupidity she speaks. Don't get me wrong I adore Maria; but sometimes she gets to be a bit much."

"I know," Carla agrees, "But it makes her all the more unique."

"How are you feeling? Has he written back to you yet?" says Peter taking the opportunity to steer the conversation in his preferred direction.

"No," says Carla in a short tone. This evening is meant for her to forget about Liam for the time being, "But lets not talk about it right now. Lets just eat."

Peter held out Carla's chair in the dinning room like a true gentleman and Ciaran did the same for Maria. None of them where dressed properly for the evening and the cook prepared something quickly that wasn't to Carla's liking. So for most of the meal she just sat quietly letting Maria regale Ciaran and Peter in her silly adventures she was useful like Sophie in that department. Carla was relieved in a sense because it would mean Peter couldn't bring up Liam.

"…Then I said Marianne don't be so foolish, stop holding my fathers portrait like that. But my cousin is so stupid she didn't care at all. She just raised a full bottle of gin—our grandfathers expensive gin to my fathers face and poured it on like the picture would actually drink it. Needless to say my father walked in on this action. The rest is too horrible to speak about"

"Oh how horrible," says Peter grinning at Ciaran, "Ciaran isn't that just horrible?"

"Yes, very shocking Maria. I don't know very many people who feed alcohol to portraits. But I can only imagine it is such a waste."

"Oh you're all making fun of me," pouts Maria.

" Never," Peter lies and trying to save face says, "It is a waste, a waste that's good for us though."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"We're bootleggers darling," says Ciaran taking a sip of the champagne served at dinner, "I hope the good people of America start pouring more alcohol on picture frames. It will make them run out of the bottles faster."

"I would pour the moonshine on a picture too," laughs Peter, "It is pretty harsh in the mouth. But the American's are desperate, there government just won't back down," He also takes a sip of the champagne.

"I thought you didn't like champagne?" says Carla raising an eye brow, "I was under the impression you thought it a drink for sissy men?"

"It is," says Peter, "But I might as well play the part of little uppity rich boy for the evening. You seem to like the delicate sorts."

It was an obvious jab at Liam, a jab Carla was going to ignore. Suddenly the sickness she felt earlier had returned with the scent of the meaty stew cooling in front of her. She felt queasy like she was going to throw up.

"Excuse me," says Carla abruptly pushing back her chair and throwing her cloth napkin down, "I think I've lost my appetite."

"Are you okay?" says Maria glaring at Peter for his remark and looking back at Carla with concerned eyes.

"I just feel faint, maybe I need a quick lie down. I'll be back I promise."

"Alright," says Maria.

Peter tries to catch her eye, but Carla refuses to look at him right now. What didn't he get? Bashing Liam didn't help his cause. She would never feel passionate about Peter like she does Liam and she knows she is partly to blame for the way Peter behaved. She always runs to him with her problems. As soon as she had arrived back in England she ran into his arms crying about Liam being cold to her, even though Liam had every right. She knew that Peter thought Liam to be nothing more than a seducer and apparently knew he was a ladies man because his sister Tracey used to go about with Liam and his cousin Phillipa.

She remembered him saying all the stuff he knew about Liam would make her skin crawl and how she was silly to think herself any different. But she thought he would have gotten it over it all. His letters had told her to find Liam and make sure he built a relationship with Cillian. She had done that; she thought Peter would be proud. But she realizes now that Peter isn't mad about Cillian and Liam building a relationship; he is jealous that her and Liam have found one another again as well. But still for all his jealousy, Carla couldn't blame him and she needed Peter in her life greatly. She adored his friendship and she knew it was selfish, but she didn't want to let him go.

She rushes up the stairs because she can feel the familiar sick coming. Now that she thinks about it, she had had the sickness all morning as well. It was brought on as she got a smell of the breakfast Peter had prepared. But it hadn't been that strong; nor had it been so strong as she was drinking the wine and eating macaroons. But it was definitely strong now. Carla plummets into the guest room and rushing for the bathroom toilet, throwing the door closed she barely makes it as everything comes up.

She is trying to steady her breathing; but her mind is racing a million miles a minute. She thinks of how she has been sore over the last few days; especially her breasts; they felt really tender and swollen. She also felt an onset of fatigue and she had blamed that on her heartbreak; but Carla knew for certain now that this wasn't the case.

Her eyes are watering as she tries to keep together and steady herself. She will not cry, because she has to be strong and the time for that was now. Quickly she wipes away the onset of tears; slowly raising her body up from the base of the toilet and flushing it. Then she turns around opening the door, Peter is standing on the other side.

"Are you okay Carla?" he whispers, "Look I'm sorry—" Peter was about to apologize.

Carla cuts him off, "I'm fine and it's nothing you've done."

"Are you sure?" he says embracing her in a hug.

"No doubt in my mind," Carla whispers grasping his neck. She hesitates for a moment, "But there is something," she whispers in his ear."

"Oh yeah? What?"

She knows he isn't the first person she should be telling this to. But at the moment she really didn't have anyone else that would understand. She didn't have anyone else in her life with the ability to make her feel strong in the moments she needs to be. So she tells him, even though she shouldn't she tells everything she should be telling Liam instead.

"I'm pregnant Peter."


	78. Chapter 78

**Another long chapter ahead and as always it may be a bit all over the place so I apologize for any confusion. Thank you all my readers and all my reviewers as well. I love the feedback and I am thankful people are still reading this. Enjoy**

"His behavior is very unhealthy Liam," Michelle whispers.

The two siblings make there way to the family chapel on the estate. Michelle was telling Liam what to expect from Paul and Liam will still trying to wrap his head around complexity of Antony's deception. He was furious as to how one man could remain all-powerful. He needed to find away to protect Carla from Antony and his father at all costs. Liam was still having difficulty trying to grasp the totality of all that his father had become and what he was willing to do to prevent his own son's happiness. It made him ill, but he tried to suck up as he walked into the archway of the chapel and his brother came into view.

His brother was just there standing over his dead wife. His blue eyes were red and puffy and his face gaunt. Liam tries to think of the last time he saw Paul; they had not left things on good terms. And no matter how much Paul's behavior and attitudes made him angry at the time, he wanted today to be different. Liam just wanted to be here for him. He takes a step forward but feels Michelle's hand on his arm holding him back.

"Don't. Let me go to him first…make it easier on him."

At the same time Paul kneels down closing his tightly and whispering as though he is in unbearable pain. Liam had never seen Paul look this it was tragic. There were no other words to describe that sort of pain.

"He's praying for her salvation," Michelle offers an explanation, "No doubt father has reminded him she's burning in the fiery pits of hell for eternity. He probably thinks it is his entire fault she ended up there."

"She's not there," says Liam. There parents truly had no heart he thought, no true humanity to tell there child such a thing, "They don't know anything about where she has gone, so they can shut up about it."

Liam looks at his older brother again, his eyes are still shut tight and he continues to pray next to Margaret. Liam didn't know what to do. Michelle brushes past him slowly walking up to Paul in the darkly lit chapel. Gently she puts her hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"You know I get distressed to find you on the chapel floor like this Paul," Michelle whispers, "I don't think Margaret would much like it either. Am I wrong?" she lowers herself to his level retrieving a handkerchief just as he opens his big blue eyes.

He wears a blank look on his face and then confusion follows closely, as though he is trying to decipher who she is and what she is doing here. His eyelashes just blink back his tears and he says nothing.

"Am I wrong?" Michelle whispers again touching his cheek, "Come on Paul, you can talk to me. Has mother left you in here all by yourself all day again?"

"I don't want her in here," Paul voice cracks.

None of its signature impassiveness or haughty behavior is present. The smugness is gone too. Paul truly was broken man.

"What's that Paul?" Michelle says dabbing at his tears.

"I don't want that woman anywhere near my Margaret," he musters, "Not her or our father. Mother wanted this—I can tell. She is quite satisfied with herself! Wouldn't put it past her if she was the one who actually pulled the trigger or egged Margaret on."

"Oh Paul," Michelle sighs, "Why would you think such things? Why would you think that of mother?"

"She never liked Margaret. She said doesn't want to be in the church. It makes her feel bad and uneasy. She told the vicar it has become a place that supports sin and her conscious feels tainted."

"Well I don't believe that and neither should you. Margaret wouldn't like this. Come on," says Michelle rising up and offering her gloved hand, "Lets get you off the floor."

Liam doesn't know if he is supposed to be waiting for a cue from his sister and not really caring for one, he steps into view coming face to face with his brother for the first time in a year. Paul's identical blue eyes widen for a second and his features are unreadable. Liam wants to say something, but he feels as though his throat is closing up so he stands before Paul rather shyly deciding it should be Paul who makes the first move.

Paul's hands let go of Michelle's immediately, he steps forward each step heavy and matching his stunned face. Raising his hand he takes the stance to reach out and touch Liam with caution. Liam must admit the behavior is rather perplexing but it makes sense. He just lost someone; he wants to make sure he isn't seeing any ghosts.

"It is you," Paul whispers.''

"Of course it is," Liam finally manages, "Hello big brother."

Liam's eyes search his brothers and he tears up at the sad figure in front of him until he can't bear it anymore and he has to hug him. He wraps his arms around Paul and it for a moment Paul just stands there unsure of how to respond; but slowly warming up to human contact and compassion. They all have truly gone without compassion from their parents for such a long time; it seemed strange to be so loving towards one another especially between the two brothers.

Paul crumbles in Liam's arms like they are all children again; vulnerable and scared. The only difference is that Paul is not hostile or impassive; he is letting his emotions run free. All he needed was an opening a chance to give into it all; and Liam liked to hope he was that chance. Paul could tell him anything he wanted, he could share his deepest darkest thoughts and Liam would be there like a good brother should. He would not judge either.

"She said I won Liam," he says through muffled sobs, "She said I won."

"Shhh," says Liam trying to calm him, "You don't have to think about it."

"I can't think of anything else," he sobs some more, "Every time I close my eyes I just think of the last time we spoke. I said some nasty things—"

"We all say things we don't mean to. Doesn't make us horrible Paul, it just makes us human."

When he had first thought to say this, Liam could not say he agreed; but thinking of the way he reacted to Carla and sometimes how she reacted to him it all seemed to made sense. So in the moment he truly meant it, Paul wasn't horrible whatever he said; he was human. Liam didn't wish to see his brother torture himself over this any longer.

"I told her if she didn't like me going to see my friend in London; she knew where the door was. And that if she sought a divorce it would be a waste because I would win. I told her that I'd always win, Liam. I said that to my own wife."

Liam by this time knew most of the story. Michelle had filled him in on all the rest of the details on their way to the chapel. She had told him how Paul had a mistress in London, a girl that qualified as more than a "friend". How Paul had gotten that mistress pregnant and how Margaret had found out through vicious rumors. Michelle let him know how she had came across Margaret a few days before she killed herself and how she looked more removed from things than usual. She had said she had just been to see the doctor and muttered something about not being able to have any kids. Their mother made no secret of her disappointment nor did their father; but Paul couldn't care because word on the street was that he could have kids just not with her. He had blamed everything on her.

Liam would normally be disgusted by such behavior; but he couldn't judge Paul for cheating when he essentially did the same sort of sneaking around with Carla. He couldn't play the moral police when he himself some could argue lacked the same sort of morals. He was too tired to judge his brother and the last thing he wanted was to make Paul feel alone.

"We'll see you through this Paul," he whispers, "Won't we Michelle."

"Of course we will. Just like when we were young. Remember what did we always say to one another?"

"No one gets left behind," whispers Liam remembering all those memories, memories he thought to only include Michelle in but in reality Paul was apart of too.

"Yes," says Michelle walking over to join the hug, "Remember Paul? No one gets left behind. We'll be with each other always."

"I think sometimes we forget what were supposed to mean to each other," remarks Liam, "I think we forget how we should be. But no more of it, from this day forward we walk together, carry each other to the end."

"I agree," says Michelle dabbing at her tears with a handkerchief, "What about you Paul? What do you say?"

Liam and Michelle look attentively at their older brother waiting for his response finally he gives a weak smile.

"Remember when we were all kids and we used to be at this home a lot more then all the others and rarely go to London?" Paul says.

Liam and Michelle both nod their heads yes.

"Do you remember how bored we used to get in the summer time? Remember that box we had? We put all those memories in it…all those thoughts to write like grandmother Caroline said we ought to when we fought."

Liam remembers. Paul had showed them what to do and said grandmother had shown him. They had been fighting so much that one summer and Paul was actually mature enough to find a solution. He got a small box from one of the servants and told Michelle and Liam to put write down things they couldn't stand about one another; put it in the box and forget about it. Of course they all still continued to fight but the activity had been fun and they got to bribe the gardener to let them have a shovel and Michelle donated one of her casket boxes to incase it in. They buried it somewhere on the property all those years ago.

"I remember," says Michelle, "What about it Paul?"

"I want to find it. I want to find it now. If only because I don't think I can be alone in my head anymore; but I cant be restless either. I need something to; I need some new thoughts to put in a box."

"Lets get a new box then?" Michelle suggests.

"I want to get the old one," says Paul.

"But it's getting dark Paul and soon we won't be able to see a thing. Why don't we wait until tomorrow—"

"We might not be here tomorrow and the world isn't here for us to say no to. I am going to find it tonight with or without your guys help. But you said we'd carry each other to the end. And I could really use my brother and sister to carry me right now.

He didn't have to say anything else, Liam would go with him and Michelle would to.

"We need a shovel," says Michelle, "Should I ask the gardener? I am not even sure he's around."

"We don't need him," says Liam. He had no idea where Paul was going with this, but he would just trust him and hope that it made things better.

Quickly Paul turns away from them and walks back to Margaret's side stroking her head and with his hand. Liam thinks they really need to bury her soon; to put her to rest. It made no sense that she should still be above ground in the casket. But it was something Paul had insisted upon, he couldn't seem to say goodbye just yet. And it makes Liam sad. If only he had shown her this much love and care when it really mattered; it would make all the difference. But again he was one to talk especially with the current Carla situation. Paul snaps out of his trance walking straight past Liam and Michelle with determination and a plan.

"Wait up Paul," says Michelle going after him and following him into the vastness of the property, past the mausoleum and running to god knows where.

Liam had no choice but to keep up with the sprinting. It was getting dark, so he had to relay on Michelle's long black dress with a train moving against the grass to guide him a points. They stopped at the gardeners shed and without hesitation Paul kicked the door it in. Michelle let out a gasp.

"Father is going to kill you."

"Let him," says Paul, "Let him and mother just try."

Liam must say he is impressed. His brother may have acted reckless in the past; but he would never damage estate property. This was something different. Liam could see it in his eyes; that Margaret's death had awoken something inside of him; something that had been sleeping for far too long and was dying to get out. It was the Paul he once was; he could be again; that Paul from childhood that wasn't so changed by mother's ways or fathers sternness. Paul disappears into the darkness of the shed.

"I'm worried about him Liam," whispers Michelle, "Do you think we should after him?"

"He can't get very far in there Michelle. We just need shovels."

Paul returns from the darkness of the shed holding three shovels, "Here, "he says out of breath, "One for each us."

"Do you even remember where we put it? It was so long ago," Michelle's doubt and concern seep through her voice.

"Grandmother Caroline planted an apple tree with me. Before you were born Michelle, Liam was a baby still. Her and grandfather made a whole day of it with me. I remember exactly where the tree is and we put the box near it because it all seemed so fitting," Paul is sort of talking to himself now in a trance again remembering that part of his life, "Come on," he says snapping out it, "Lets go bring it up."

"Paul I'm not sure—" Michelle starts to interrupt but Liam stops her.

"Just leave it Michelle. Let him do what he needs to do. Come on," he says grabbing his sisters hand and taking off after Paul into the darkness.

He truly felt like they were children again running across this vast estate in the nighttime when everything seemed so different but in all actuality was the same. He remembers the day his grandfather died and how he sat with his grandmother and they look out onto the scenery. He was only six but he knew something was different that the place just didn't feel the same. That is how he felt right now; the feeling you get when somebody else leaves you and you realize they are never coming back that you will never be as lovely or young as you are right now.

He had written about this to Cillian in all those letters, trying to make understand this. He had told him everything his grandmother said about love; how his grandfather had comforted her in the moments before, as he lay dying…

"_Love doesn't end just because we don't see one another. People go on loving God all the time without ever actually seeing Him…"_

Liam knew that this was the sort of love she was talking about; the sort of love one would need when they didn't have the strength to carry on. It was the sort of love a person would fight against because they didn't understand it; but they didn't need to understand it because it would always be there anyways.

And his mind drifts to Carla, as always his Carla. She didn't think she deserve it, love, whatever it was, she thought it wasn't for her. Love for her was simple, what you see it what you get. She had never had anyone love her before without a reason; the way they say God is supposed to love and people love Him back. She didn't understand anything but the love that had conditions…Antony's sort of love.

"_Oh Carla…that's my kind love, the only sort there is…conditional love."_

"Are you going to give us a hand?" Michelle pouts wiping her forehead and pulling Liam back from his trance.

Michelle had removed her mourning gloves and was pressing a shovel deep into the earth, near the tree there grandmother had planted. Liam's eyes next roamed over Paul; the epitome of an English gentleman now sunk to his knees, his jacket thrown aside and his sleeves rolled to his elbows in the grass and dirt gnawing at the earth with some tool or another it was a remarkable sight to see; the places where grieving could take people. Paul was usually too good for this sort of labor.

"Sorry," says Liam collecting his shovel and following Michelle's lead.

They both just kept their eyes on Paul wondering about him like one wonders about life and death. They wondered where Margaret's soul was right now. Liam wondered about everyone he cared for, his grandmother and grandfather, Samuel's brother Burke. Where Cillian would have gone that day if he drowned in the Nile. Where was everyone now?

"Grandmother always said I'd be grown before this tree was tall," says Paul again rambling more to himself then anyone in particular, "She was right. She was right about a lot things."

"Like what Paul?" says Michelle still trying to talk at him instead of to him and it was starting to annoy Liam immensely.

Paul took no notice however of her tone, "Like that people don't like the things they don't understand. That they'll close off and shut down if they don't understand you. She said people who live like that—they miss out, they miss life's great meaning—"

"—Unless you love, life will pass you by," says Liam finishing it for Paul. Grandmother had told him the same thing.

"Yeah," says Paul briefly looking up his face now full of dirt, "That's it. Unless you love, life will pass you by. You'll wonder why you didn't take the time to understand."

They share a moment of understanding. Just understanding that they were all more or less at the same place in there lives. All of them stuck or held back by something at the moment. With Michelle it was conflict with mother, trying to navigate and finding her rightful place in this family. For Paul it was trying to come to terms with the horrible things he had done and having the strength to want to be different. For Liam it was about Carla, trying to find a way to love her and come to terms with the fact that perhaps his kind of love wasn't hers. That she could love him and just because it wasn't all that he expected; he could be okay if he knew he wouldn't lose her. All three of them understood it now; but in the precise moment every one of them just acted stubborn. They refused to let it in, to see the other side of things.

They heard a clanking noise as one of Paul's many tools hit something in the earth.

"Did we find it already?" says Michelle surprisingly excited and rushing over to Paul's side.

Liam also drops his shovel and runs to join his siblings over the hole Paul has dug.

"I think so," says Paul wiping sweat off his brow, "I think so. Give me a hand Liam, well you?"

"Yeah," says Liam removing his overcoat and throwing it next to Paul's, "Move out of the way Michelle. I don't want to hit you if I stumble."

The brothers both lean down lifting the chest casket from the ground and propping it on there knees. They slowly and steadily put it down. It wasn't even heavy, the chest that was just a recollection from childhood as well.

"It has been such a long time since I've seen that thing," says Michelle, "Phillipa has one just like it. In fact I'm sure we both got them as Christmas gifts one year. Well go on then, what are we waiting for? Open it."

"You do it Paul," offers Liam, "It was your idea anyways."

"Why don't we all just do it together—"

"Oh for heavens sake," exclaims Michelle, "Move aside and let me." She pushes her brothers out of the way and stooping down she pulls the latch up letting the box spring open.

Paul immediately rushes to open the lid and Liam follows. They are surprised at what they had put in there. It was a whole bunch papers and little knick-knacks.

"What are we going to do with these?" says Liam. He is truly curious.

"Oh look," says Michelle grabbing at something in the chest excitedly, "Remember this Liam? You're old steam fire engine! Remember you wanted to be the engine—"

"—And Samuel wanted to be the sidewalk. Yeah, yeah," says Liam a faint smile forming on his lips at his sisters teasing.

Paul leans down grabbing for some of the papers, "These must be the letters we wrote about what we hated about one another."

"What are we going to do with them?" Michelle asks.

"I think we should read them," Liam blurts out instinctively, "I think we should read what we wrote about one another. It's a new beginning right? We're supposed to be burying the hatchet."

"Oh I don't know Liam—" says Michelle glancing at Paul with concern, "I don't think it I'll be a good idea."

"Nonsense Michelle," says Paul, "I think it's a good idea. Lets do it."

And with that they shuffle through the chest, using an oil lamp for light as they sort through the papers. It was weird how they all formed a circle in the field, Liam thought. Just like children they were, huddled with their notes at base of there feet. This was a strange way to be mourning someone.

"The baby should go first," says Paul a bit of his authoritative personality shinning through as he stares at Michelle.

"No fair! Liam is that fair?"

"Sorry," says Liam grinning at Paul, "Rules are rules. You go first."

"Fine," she says sighing and unfolding her piece. She looks down at it scanning the page and biting her lip, "Just so you know that all of this was written when we were fairly young and it doesn't reflect the way I feel about any of you now—"

"We know," says Liam, "Get with it sister."

"Alright," Michelle takes a deep breath before reading, " _I dislike the fact that Liam is the favorite. I hate how mummy and daddy adore him and he can do no wrong. I wanted to ride horses this summer. But mummy said no! Yet Liam gets to do what he loves. He gets to swim. Boys always seem to have all the choices. I keep wondering when my turn is going to come."_

Liam isn't going to lie and it stung a bit. He would think Michelle to be the last person jealous of him; since he adored and doted on her from birth. But he couldn't deny the preferential treatment he was given as a child. He did have to give up swimming eventually; but at least he got to do it for a time. And his mother made it very clear she adored him the most. Even his father today addressed him as the favorite son.

"Sorry Liam," Michelle says feebly, "Can someone remind me why were doing this again?"

"So that Paul doesn't have to think Margaret, so that can share in his pain. Take on some of the heartache for him."

"Oh Paul, I do hope you'll forgive me."

"Michelle just do it I won't harbor any ill will towards you, I promise."

"Alright here it goes," and Michelle reads what she wrote about Paul, _"I hate my brother Paul. In fact I hate him so much I sometimes wish he would just—"_

"Just what Michelle?" says Paul. He was getting that glassy eye look again, "I can handle it."

"I don't know why you're making me do this—"

"Just do it already," says Paul, "Say what you mean and mean what you say."

Another sigh, _"I sometimes wish he would just die. I wish it could be just Liam and me. Because Paul is just mean and we'd be better off without him…," _Another sigh, "Paul I was a child. Don't put any store in it."

Liam looks at his brother he can tell it must really hurt even if it was written so long ago. But he just nods his head taking it in stride.

"Knowing me, I probably deserved it," he whispers, "Your turn Liam."

"Alright," says Liam looking at his pile and grabbing the first note he saw. Taking the lamp from Michelle he held it over the paper and began to read. The first one was directed at Michelle, _"I hate how Michelle always follows Samuel and I around every God damn place. She won't leave us alone. Samuel doesn't seem to mind but that's only because she is the same age as Burke would've been. I think that if he wants a sibling so badly to replace Burke; I'll just give him our Michelle."_

Liam felt sorry because Michelle's face truly looked beyond hurt. She looked like she would cry any moment.

"It was all anger from childhood, remember that okay," he says, "I love you more than anything. You'll always be my baby sister."

"Okay," says Michelle keeping back tears, "Now do Paul's."

Liam felt guilty as he looked down at his paper. It was exactly like Michelle's, _" I hate my older Paul. He is so full of himself and just because he goes to boarding school at Eton he thinks himself a cut above the company. He'll never be above me. In fact he is a non-entity in my life. I think it would be better if he never existed."_

Michelle and Liam exchanged worried looks. Perhaps this hadn't been such a good idea after all. It wouldn't bring them together any closer and it certainly wouldn't make Paul any less sad about Margaret.

"Maybe we should stop," says Michelle still looking at Paul, "I'm sorry Paul."

"You only said the truth. Why be sorry about the truth?" his voice is cracking.

Liam feels like utter crap. Why did this family always have to do something so silly and dramatic? It was no good for anyone.

"I think we should stop too."

"I haven't read mine yet. I want to read mine."

"You don't have to—"

"I want to. So please let me Michelle. Paul opens up his paper and begins to read, _"I hate that I'm not more like Liam. I hate that I'm not as sensitive at times when I should be. I think papa wishes he was the first-born and sometimes I do too. I am not free from bouts of jealousy and admit that sometimes I think him more mature and loving; everything a big brother should be…especially with Michelle. Ever since she was born he'd be by her basinet, was so excited to first hold her. He is the perfect one. I can't even think of anything I really hate about him; because it will just be a cover for the fact that despite all my grievances, I love my brother. I hate him for nothing…"_

Liam is shocked and so is Michelle. He is at a loss for words; astounded that such words would ever come from his brother Paul. Surprised that Paul was ever jealous of him since in adulthood he lorded his seniority over Liam constantly. Liam always wrote him off as pompous and annoying, but someone he loved regardless because they were brothers.

But grandmother's words were starting to take a toll on him.

"_People don't the like things they don't understand…they'll close off and shut down if they don't understand you."_

Liam had approached his relationship with Paul like that his whole life. He didn't get his brother so he refused to really let him; to really be close. Besides the few jazz soirees and fun conversations here and there; they had no real friendship in this adult world. He thought Paul to be vapid and preoccupied with his social standing; but in that letter was a side of Paul that was different. I side Liam never really thought he'd encounter; the confirmation that Paul had loved Liam, even if Liam didn't see it; Paul had always loved his baby brother.

"And now Michelle," Paul says nervously before looking back down at his paper, _"Michelle grates on me to no end. Sometimes I find myself wishing mother birthed another boy, but then I feel so guilty because my sister is truly adorable and very clever. She can play the vilest pranks on a boy and I admit I often lose my temper. But I do feel horrible as soon as she cries. I want to be a better brother to her just like Liam. I hope one day she can love me as much as she loves Liam. Again I have no real feelings of animosity towards her. She is much too young for me to hate."_

Liam didn't know what to feel hearing that. It broke his heart.

Michelle gets up immediately embracing Paul in a hug, "Of course I love you as much as Liam. I love you both the same and don't you think otherwise!"

"I know you don't Michelle and that's okay. You and Liam have always been close. But I think it might do us good finally just let this stuff go. Not keep it inside and let it eat us up anymore." Paul reaches into his pocket retrieving another letter his blue eyes scanning it softly. Tears start to fall down his face again.

This time Liam goes to hug him. He truly wants nothing more than to take his brothers hurt away, to make everything right in the world again.

"This," Paul whispers pointing to the letter, "I found this with Margaret. I came into the room and all I saw was just locks of hair everywhere. I wondered why she cut off all her hair. I was holding her just asking why she left me. Everyone thinks I didn't love Margaret but I did. I just wasn't any good at showing it—"

"You don't have to say it Paul. She knows. If she didn't know then, maybe she knows now."

"But I have to say it. Because if I don't it will kill me. The morning I left for London I was annoyed because she told me she was barren. And the pressure from the mother—I just didn't want another disappointment. I was cold and I was skipping off to see my mistress anyhow. The way I loved her it wasn't enough and it wasn't the right way to love someone. I told her that she knew where the door was and if she tried to one up me with an affair or a divorce I would just one up her again. I told her like a monster that I'd always win."

"Oh Paul that wasn't right of you," says Liam, "That wasn't right at all."

"I know," says Paul now looking at letter, "But this is what she wrote. I pried it out from under her, slowly he reads, _"This is your idea of love Paul, it's the idea where one can just say "I love you now even though I don't like myself or where my life is, but once I make the changes to like myself and my life I'll still love you"…I'm sorry to say that's not how love is for me. I can't take being treated horribly just because you hate yourself and I'll no longer buy into the illusion that you will actually try to change. It seems you want me to be just as unhappy as you are. I can't even have a friend or sense of companionship within your family because you don't like the way your family is with you. Now it seems I can't have a baby anymore, remember how it was you who wanted to wait? But I see your mistress will give you a child now and all will be right in your world. So I guess you were right Paul, you do win after all."_

There are no words to describe that letter. Liam watches as Paul folds it up. He wonders what will he do with it. Paul drops it into the chest.

"Why are you putting it in there Paul? It's something you hate? Something you want to forget?" Michelle asks

"No, it's something I understand even though I don't want to. I understand why she left me; I just needed to let it out, all of it. It was keeping me locked up inside and I shut down. Not saying it doesn't hurt but I understand and because I understand I have to let her go. I can't keep her here with me anymore."

Liam again hugs his sobbing brother, never realizing Paul had it in him to think such things. He never Margaret had it in her either. She was more than expressionless and blank; there was whole set of thoughts and feelings she could've shared if Paul had just let her. If he hadn't done what he thought he was supposed to and kept Margaret in a prison. He was paying the price now he was broken.

"I think that for now on, we should only put things in that chest that we are willing to understand, like grandmother stressed so much. I think we should only put things in there that we can accept we won't be able to change. It's the only way we get stronger," Michelle, says, "It's the only way no one gets left behind. We got to fight for the things that are ours, we have to be united."

Liam knew she was talking about the threat of Antony. His scheming relied on the Connor family having discourse and disagreement. They had to remain strong so his plans of taking their fathers fortune could not work. Soon they would have to tell Paul everything they knew about Antony and his plotting, but not today.

"Liam," says Paul wiping away his tears, "I want to say sorry for the role I played in exposing Carla Gordon, for running to Mother with all I knew. I thought it my family duty to protect our interests. I need you to understand that I will always protect our family."

"And I will protect Carla. I'll always protect Carla."

"I don't want us to fall out over this especially hearing I have a nephew…if I'm to believe such rumors."

"Yes you are and his name is Cillian."

"Well then that's my family also. So I shall always protect him…and Carla, she's family too."

These words couldn't have make Liam anymore happy. He looks into his brother's eyes and he sees a new person, a changed person, a person to add to the list of Cillian's guardian angels.

The three of them walk back to the chapel, hand in hand. They decided they wouldn't bury the box again but to put it in the shed for now until Michelle could find a better hiding spot for it. As they walk into the archway the candles are on there last bit of flame and the church looks eerie in the darkness of the night. But the silence was comforting.

"I think I can close it now and know I won't have to go back tomorrow," Paul stands over the casket. Gently he touches Margaret's hand, "Until we meet again," he whispers, "Next I promise not leave you behind and to treat you proper."

Slowly Liam comes to stand by his brother side and with one look they know what they have to do. If they say the words it will make it more real, more final.

"_For everything there is season; a time for every purpose under the sun. A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to weep and a time to laugh;a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to lose and a time to seek; a time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate;  
a time for war and a time for peace… The thing that has been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun…He has made everything beautiful in its time."_

They shut the casket close, all three hands do what has to be done. And there was that feeling again; the one you get when someone has left for good. But it wasn't all sadness, it was just life. Margaret's time has past.

They made their way back to the estate and Paul fell asleep in the sitting room; the infamous room where they had once had their big fight. Michelle told Liam it was good he was sleeping as he hadn't slept in ages. She was going to stay with him and Liam thought he would to, but his mind thought of Carla and Cillian. Michelle assured him Cillian was safe in Tom's care, as he had made sure to take him away from his parents estate when Alasdair and Antony showed up for a visit. So Liam would see him tomorrow. As for Carla he had the urge to see her right now.

He felt like he had a lot to say to get off his chest. He wanted to tell her that all he wanted was a real apology. He would try and understand, not just what had happened with Trevor; he would try to understand her as a whole. He had a feeling that she was always trying to test his limits; to see if unconditional love could truly exist or whether Antony was right in telling her that conditional love was the only type of love there was. He needed her to understand that he wasn't going to be pushed away and that she'd have to try and understand him as person too.

He had to protect her; they had to fight against Antony who thrived off of creating trouble. They couldn't let him win, Liam wouldn't. And with his siblings in his corner finally he felt stronger; not so alone in this all.

He told Michelle he was leaving and she said it was fine. Liam decided he would take one of his father's cars and make the long drive to London tonight. He was sure she was probably staying at Peter's but if she wasn't he would go Maria's and he wouldn't leave until Carla saw him again. The time was theres, now and only now. He'd be a fool not to take a chance and so would she. It was time to grow up, the both of them.

He thought of it, what she always says about everything being beautiful. That was the dreamer in her and the dreamer in all of them. But they weren't so young anymore; they had son and a real threat in the form of Antony working against them. It was time to wake up and get it together. They could be together but it was time to be real about it and to not just leave when the going gets tough. So he thinks to himself as he drives towards London on the dark country roads, that the next time she utters

"_Everything is beautiful."_

He'd add to it

"_Everything is beautiful… in it's own time."_

It would make them appreciate things more. And realize that they just couldn't go through life taking as many chances as they'd like because at the end of the day every person in this world is on the same time; borrowed time, it has run out eventually; it will run out eventually. So it is up to them and only them to make the most of it, just as it is also up to them to find a way to make it all last.


	79. Chapter 79

"What are you going to do Carla?" says Peter gravely, "Are you going to tell him?"

Carla's mind was racing a million miles a minute. She was trying to collect her thoughts and stay calm. But all she feels is an overwhelming helplessness. She starts off every pregnancy this way; feeling like the child inside of her is something to be afraid of; like it was a parasite that would eat her alive. She never felt stable during these moments; with Giulia she was fragile and afraid to move. She was also clueless as to what would be expected of her as a mother. With Cillian she was terrified beyond belief because she was sure Antony would murder her and now with this child she felt incredibly vulnerable and alone. She felt like trash, abandoned by Liam and it was not a good way to feel especially with one child already out of wedlock. But she can't tell this all to Peter; these thoughts in themselves were shameful. No one could ever know everything she felt or her every little thought.

"_We are mysterious creatures Caroline. Men will follow us women to the ends of the earth, just trying to figure us out…but they'll never know all our reasons and they'll never know every little thing that we've done. But they'll chase us anyways, to the end of the earth…"_

Carla lets out a shiver hearing her grandmother's words. This was way she had been taught by this class system to appear, always be seen but never heard. To be mysterious was the only way a woman was told she could keep a man's attention. Now Carla wonders of this practice has truly become such a pervasive part of her life. It was ironic really, because she hated being a mystery to Liam and the mere thought of him trying to read her like a book. But at the same time that was how she kept him; she refused to tell him everything; she refused to be anything but a mystery.

"_Tell me why then? Tell me why you did it Carla? Why kiss that fucking man?"_

She could have easily told him why she kissed Trevor; she could blurted all that Alasdair had forced her to do in terms of Giulia. But she didn't say a word; she was stubborn thinking she could fix things all by herself but look where that all got her. It always started with secret and slowly it added up more and more until her mind thought she would explode and she was pushed to do something stupid. She had been pushed to the point of despair when she kissed Trevor, but Carla couldn't deny that she had been drawn to that Trevor gentleman out of pure lust as well. She had been intrigued and in that moment of impulsiveness she kissed Trevor.

Why hadn't she just told Liam the truth? When he asked her about the encounter with Doctor Foster at the hotel, why hadn't she confessed then? Was it because she was afraid or was because she always felt a need to confirm his undying love for her; to test the limits one man would travel, the lengths he would go just to figure her out? It was a sick game, but Carla had to face the facts that she was guilty of it. She pushed him away so he would never figure her out, all her reasons or why she behaved as she did. And then Carla would pull him back in again just as quickly enchanting him with stories and half-truths and rarely anything more. She always kept something to be desired; something for Liam to try and figure out.

It was much like how Alasdair had told the story of Paradise Palace, presenting what Carla was sure was some truth and some fiction and leaving it up to the listener to decide which was what. She feels like she could throw up again, wondering is this truly who she is or has her immense self-hatred caused her to question all her actions and frame them all with an evil intent? Carla shivers once more, because she knows in the back of her mind everything she has told Liam is the truth; her mind only working against her, trying to lead her to believe otherwise.

"…Carla do you hear me?"

"What?" says Carla feeling faint her eyes adjust back to the figure of Peter standing in front of her. He had been talking for some time.

"Are you going to tell him or not? I mean I don't care for the man, but even I must confess it is the proper thing to do."

"I don't know," Carla whispers feverishly.

She wonders why tell Liam now? He wouldn't believe her; he'd probably think it just a plot to get him back. And even upon discovering it is the truth he would resent her for the child, he would be trapped and it was obvious that Liam didn't love her anymore or rather he couldn't love her anymore.

"What do you mean Carla?" says Peter struggling to keep his voice sympathetic, " What will you do then? Go back to New York? Run from him again? Keep the child a secret again? What—"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Carla freaks ready to throw something. She knew Peter was right, but she always made things more difficult for herself.

Peter rushes to her immediately trying to calm her. It was getting late now and the rain had just arrived with the night. He was meant to be going. But Carla doesn't want him to go, she wishes he would stay and talk her through the steps. She collapses in his arms and has a good cry.

"Oh darling," he whispers, "Oh my own darling. It's going to be okay."

"Is it?" says Carla looking up into his brown eyes.

"Yes it will. You want to know why? Because you're a fighter and you're not going to let this weigh you down. A child is a blessing, no matter what a child is always a blessing."

"But Liam—"

"You have to tell him."

"I can't! He hates me! He won't forgive me!"

"What would you do then, Carla? What would you do? Hide away and have the baby in secret."

"Many girls do that."

"Yes girls…but not ladies. You're not a child; you're a child in this world once you can have a child yourself. You have to tell him."

"I couldn't—"

Peter is now losing his patience and giving Carla a stern look says, "You want my advice? My honest opinion, right?"

Carla nodded her head because she only truly trusts him with this information right now. Maria and Ciaran are still downstairs probably wondering where they disappeared to.

"Here it is then. If you insist upon messing up everyone and everything that comes your way, there is a very real chance you will end up all alone. Now I don't think you want that, you think you're protecting people but it only alienates them and pushes them away."

"I know. I just always screw up. I always hurt him and don't know how to stop, how to stop hurting myself and hurting us both."

"It's simple, if you want to stop…stop. That's all there is to it, just stop."

Carla was frustrated because it wasn't that simple. This child's arrival just seemed to be horrible timing. Nothing was going as she wished. She should be in Morocco with Liam, Cillian, and Giulia right now. She should be painting the desert sands being drawing up by the wind. Liam should be showing her plans for there own palace. They should be happy. Her stopping anything wouldn't get all of which could have been back. It wasn't simple at all.

Peter seems to sense she will protest because before she can even utter so much a sound he puts his finger in front of her mouth silencing her. Right away this action becomes something else, his finger against her lips. His brown eyes roam all over her face taking her beauty in and for moment Carla feels uncomfortable; like he is thinking something he shouldn't. She knew he was and she won't let it happen, she decides it is best to turn away because he is about to stroke her tears away and lean in to kiss her. She would not do that to Liam again.

"I think I'll go wash my face," Carla whispers.

Peter comes out of whatever world she has taken him to, "Yes," he stampers trying to regain his composure, "Yes I think that's best."

Carla walks towards the bathroom and turning around briefly she adds, "I think you're also right, that's best I tell Liam. Maybe he won't hate me and maybe he'll understand."

Peter nods his head, Liam's name clearly stinging as much as the idea of him and Carla being together like a happy family. Peter would always hate Liam, but he was honorable in knowing what to do and what was right. Carla would forgive his moment of weakness; he was only human they all were.

She rushes in the bathroom closing the door and turning on the tap watching the water flow. She felt so contained like she didn't like the place she had found herself in right now. She didn't like that Peter still felt that way about her and wishes she could do something to take away the pain. She only wanted his friendship but she is confused because he was like her lifeline. These days back in England made her feel as though she couldn't live without him. Quickly she splashes the water on her face trying to stay in reality. There was the issue of a child, but she very much didn't think she could stand to be without Peter's support tonight. She needed him if she was going to tell Liam tomorrow; she had decided to tell Liam after all. Slowly she reaches for one of the bathrooms hanging on the wall and drapes herself in it trying to keep warm. Then turning the door handle she braces herself to act like everything was normal between them and Peter hadn't just tried to kiss her.

"Thank you for making sure I was alright," earlier she says gliding towards him, "And thank you for opening my eyes to what is right. I will tell Liam, even if he hates me he deserves to know."

Peter also acting like everything was okay between them and like he wasn't in love with her himself just smiles, "It was nothing. I just needed to know you'd be okay and it seems you will be, my fighter," he grins and then adds in a whisper unable to stop himself from moving the hair out of her face, "My own darling."

Carla blushes again feeling like a boundary in their friendship is being crossed for a second time this evening and that she is betraying Liam. She bows her head a bit so she won't have to look at his pain, the longing in his eyes.

"I should go," he says his voice choking at her rejection but also showing signs of being disappointed in himself.

It reminded her exactly of the first time she saw Liam again in New York at the gallery. How she had told them they couldn't be together.

"…_Can I ask you something?"_

Liam's voice whispers faintly in her ear, it was like he was in the room with her Peter at this very moment.

"_Okay…"_

"_Can I hold you for a moment? I think that if you just let me hold you for a moment then maybe I can walk away and never see you again…"_

"_It don't want it to be like that..."_

She couldn't bear it then and she can't bear it now losing the men she loved and cared about. And more importantly she couldn't lose Liam that day and on his own terms. But remembers how she was unable to move as he walked away. And now with Peter she was in danger of losing the friendship on the terms she wanted it to be and she couldn't let history repeat itself.

_"There isn't any other way. We can never be just friends. Please Carla, give me this one thing. I'll never ask anything else of you again_…"

Peter starts to walk past Carla getting ready to leave. But Carla wants him to stay, not in this room but in another guest room for the night. Her chance was going, going…about to be gone. But as he slides past her she reaches for his hand, knowing that it is wrong what she is asking of him but pleading it nonetheless.

His head and eyes are focused on their intertwined fingers, wide and full of that false hope. Carla was being selfish with him once again because she needed him tonight. But just like with her smiles she knew she would never be able to deliver all those looks promised. Slowly his eyes rise to meet hers they are watering, like this is too much for him to handle.

_"Please don't go. I'm gonna need you…I won't survive without you."_

_"Well I'm gonna need you more."_

She knew he was remembering it too; the last moment they had shared before Peter left New York to look after his son Simon. Carla knew he was remembering it all and she felt a sense of relief.

"Stay," she whispers unable to stop herself.

There is guilt because when she says it all she can think about and all she can see it Liam that day at the gallery. His dimples and his rosy cheeks…those piercing blue eyes they way they melted her. And his touch, how she wanted to touch him and point out the paintings to him to get lost in his every remarkable and unique feature.

"Stay."

It would always Liam, no one else made remotely any sense. No one knew her like he did; had seen all the sides of her there was to see. He knew she was more than a woman meant to be on display; he believed it to…he believed in her. Her beautiful Liam was for whom those words were meant, not Peter at all.

"Stay," Carla whispers again daydreaming that it is Liam.

He continues to stare her for a moment unsure of what to do next, but luckily for Peter he will never have to make that choice.

"So this is how much you miss me."

Carla and Peter drops hands immediately, Liam stands in the doorway of the guest room his hair-soaking wet with raindrops running down his perfectly chiseled face.

"Liam!" says Carla immediately. She is stunned and confused, as she had just been dreaming he was the one holding her hand. Could this be another daydream?

Liam then gives an equally stunned Peter a hateful look, "Just couldn't wait could you?"

"Pardon me?" says Peter stepping forward letting Liam know he wasn't intimidated.

Carla doesn't want a fight, "Liam I can explain—"

But her pleas fall death to his ears. He is giving Peter the most murderous look imaginable. It is almost as deadly as Antony's.

"I said you couldn't wait could you? Couldn't wait to swoop in a be the knight in shinning amour."

"Liam he's my friend. It wasn't anything!"

"I know what he is," whispers Liam not looking at her, "A crook and bootlegger…an opportunist. Couldn't wait to get his claws into you. It's always something when it comes to you Carla—"

"It isn't—"

"IT ISN'T?" says Liam losing all his temper and flinging the door so wide open it could fall off it hinges, "It isn't Carla? He's fucking practically in love with you! Fucking in love, Carla!"

"Someone has to look after her!" Peter shouts, "Because you sure as hell won't."

This was turning into a disaster and everything Carla didn't want. Somehow she had screwed up again.

"Please Peter—" she tries to protest through tears. But again they both put up their hands to stop her speaking.

"Don't even—"

"Don't even what, Mr. Liam Connor? What? Don't even care about her?"

"It's more than caring and you know it!"

"So what if it is Liam? What are you going to do about? I'm in love with her!"

Carla doesn't want to hear this. She doesn't Peter to be in love her, she doesn't want Liam's accusatory stares. This too much for Liam to even bear that he charges at Peter, but Peter swerves out the way taunting him.

"I love her! I love _your_ Carla. You weren't there to look after her and you weren't there when she barely scraping by and pregnant with Cillian. I was! I was there for Cillian—"

"STOP IT PETER! Please stop it," Carla pleads because she knows all that Peter has done for Cillian is affecting Liam greatly."

"I was there to pick up the pieces. I was there to love Carla and I never stopped loving her! You've neglected and ignored her! You had her love and you gave it away. You gave her away!"

This is the breaking point for Liam. Through quenched teeth and a deadly tone he utters, "I –did- not- give -her -to ANYONE!"

It was too much for him to hear. Carla could tell Liam would lose it at any moment as he raises his fist to punch Peter in the jaw. She rushes in between them.

"Stop it! Please stop it," Carla cries

But Peter is determined to rub it in while the wound is still fresh; "I was there for her and children when you weren't. And guess what I always will be, I'll be there for your unborn child too!"

Liam's fists slowly drop and his blues eyes go wide. Carla thinks to herself, what has Peter just done? He has just ruined everything. Liam had that look again, that look that said it was over. Something seems to be stuck in his throat as he whispers

"Is this true?" His eyes focus on Carla

She feels as though there is no air for her breathe and she feels like she will faint.

"Carla is this true?" he repeats.

"Liam I was alone. I didn't know what to do—"

He bits down on his lower lip nodding his head in a fed up manner, "And so you thought to tell him," Liam says gesturing to Peter, "You thought you tell him first before you'd even think to tell me?"

"I was going to tell you tomorrow," Carla cries through tears stepping forward to touch him but he backs away instantly defining that boundaries between them.

He continues nodding his head and Carla thinks he will truly handle it calmly before breaking out into a fit.

"Tell me why it is Carla, that I'm always the last to know? That I am always the last to know I am the father of my own children? Tell me, please."

"Liam," Carla stumbles, "You wouldn't talk to me. I had to tell someone. Please don't say you're mad I had to tell someone."

He ignores the first part of her statement, "You could have told anyone, anyone at all. But you had to tell HIM! That's what gets me more then anything is that you chose to tell him!"

"LIAM—"

"Not Maria, not your cousin Marie. You chose to tell Peter! PETER!"

"Liam—what you saw—us holding hands. It wasn't like that at all. I swear, he's my friend! I love you, it's always been you!"

"I can't! " Liam whispers, "I really thought I could tonight. But I can't…"

What did he think he could do tonight? Carla wishes he would close himself off from her like this.

Carla tries to grab at him her whole surroundings cave in on her. She would surely plummet herself off a cliff if this was how he would leave her. He swings his coat from her grasps just turning and stomping out the room. Carla cries and cries before realizing the drastic measures of the situation; that she cannot let him leave with out a fight. Immediately she gets up, feeling Peter's hand on him she hits it away violently glaring at him. This was all his fault and she is truly angry with him for pulling that stunt. She throws off her robe running after Liam as he descends down the staircase of Maria's townhouse. Maria and Ciaran appear from the sitting room at all the commotion.

"What in heavens name!" says Maria and then noticing Liam says, "What is he doing here?"

"A servant let me in. But don't worry there nothing left to say I'm leaving!" Liam steps forward talking Maria's hand like a gentleman, "Forgive my intrusion Miss. Sutherland." He kisses her hand lightly backing away and leaving Maria perplexed and stunned.

Carla thinks it may be the trick of the eye, but she could have sworn Liam slide a piece of Paper into Maria's hand. But why would he? It didn't make sense so she dismisses it quickly. And snaps back into action.

"Liam please don't go! Liam please—"

But he ignores her opening the door and going out into the night. Carla can hear Maria telling her to leave it; but she can't and won't. She goes out into the street looking to see where he has gone.

"LIAM!"

Then she hears the sound of the car engine speeding away and she knows he gone and she truly left alone tonight.

**Sorry guys for yet another fight. But I promise this one isn't all that it appears to be. And may very well work to Liarla's advantage. So stay tune for the next update :)**


	80. Chapter 80

There was something he thought he had to do, but he realized he didn't have to it anymore. He didn't have to feel the burden of love if he didn't want to. That's why he walked away, why he couldn't bring himself to hear her explanations and her protests. But it was strange how things were working out and he felt like God or whatever forces may be were continuously trying to work against him and trying to tell him it wasn't meant to be. Liam refused to accept this; he knew that no matter he was feeling he could never truly let her go.

He stood in the absolute darkness of his families London town home, remembering the aura of Romola and the time he actually thought he could be happy with her. It was ridiculous now come to think of, all the ways he had tried to shield his heart from breaking; it would always break and Carla would always be the one to break it. This was the negative thinking men like Antony and Alasdair thrived off of, so quickly he removed it from his mind. This is what they wanted, Liam wasn't going to give it to them, and he was thinking one step ahead.

He glances down at the letter Michelle had shoved into his hands earlier that day, looking out the window and into the world, watching as raindrops fall one by one past him. And he thought to himself this is how dreams ended; slowly falling past him, he had been made to watch them all falter as well…

_The letter confirmed everything Michelle said it would, that their father had it in mind to kill Carla and Antony was doing his best to ensure that the seed remained planted with no room to be plucked out. Liam had had time to think about ways he would protect Carla on the long journey into the city. He was beginning to realize that Antony had become more than just a man over the years, but instead of sort of an enigma. People placed so much store in what he said, they seemed feared him as much as they revered him. Carla feared him._

_His mind began to work overloading with all his observations and knowledge of Antony Gordon. First Liam thought of what Carla had said in the letter… January of 1920 how Antony always seemed to know her next move, that he would always be one step ahead. How when Carla tried to escape him that day he already knew what he would do to discredit her in Giulia's eyes. It was like he had the power of a God he was arrogant beyond all comprehension. Like Carla said in the letter it didn't matter what anyone saw, the truth is what Antony said it was when one was at the Palace. _

_This is what Liam's mind raced with because somehow things always did seem to work out in Antony's favor. Liam knew the depths of his control were beyond the physical now. He had gotten to Carla even Cairo, it seemed Antony was always in her mind. And apparently he had found someway to get to Giulia back as well, how else could she have ended up back at Paradise Palace and under her father's thumb. Carla had said she was safely protected in New York. _

_Antony's control was unlike any other mans Liam had witnessed in his life. Antony went about it all in a calculated and cunning manner, charming the hearts of many men and women they would never guess the pure soulless evil that existed behind those dark brown eyes. His control was so pervasive but Liam was starting to realize Antony only had as much power as long as people around allowed for him to. He'd have to bring down this power somehow and Liam knew it rested on Antony's strong arrogance. He truly believed that he was the only one who could control people and further he assumed he predict how everyone would react in certain situations. Simply put his plan for controlling Giulia, Carla, and Liam's own father depended greatly on his ability to foresee every move his players would make. Liam would had to attack from there as well…_

_It came to him that in order to beat the monster, one had to think like the monster, so Liam began to think. He thought of a scenario much like he imagined Antony would when plotting in that cunning head of his. Naturally Liam's scenario was centered on Carla, how would she react to seeing him again this night? Of course he wanted to think of all the lovey dovey scenarios, like that she would run into his arms and all would be forgiven. But quickly he pushed those thoughts out of his head telling himself, how would Antony approach this scenario in his own mind?_

_Antony would most likely have many scenarios all correlating at once in that evil but brilliant mind of his. He would probably get Liam's scenario out of sight and mind because it relied heavily on the best possible outcome for the players. Antony would never want that for the people he was trying to manipulate, so his mind would probably quickly move on to more traumatic situations. _

_Immediately Liam thought of Peter that would be the worst possible outcome for him to arrive in London to with Peter and Carla in each other's arms. Of course there was the option that she would only be with Maria at Maria's home, but Liam had to think the worst possible solution as well as the most complex one. Carla could either be at Peter's home or Maria's home. Right away someone like Antony would probably put her in Maria's home, he knew his wife she would find solace in her best friends care no matter how much she adored Peter. Besides someone like Antony would think the choice predictable because Carla would not want to stay at a man's house and entice further jealousy. So right away Antony if in Liam's position would probably waste no time in bothering to go to Peter's town home, he'd go straight to Maria's instead. So Liam decided he would do the same, he would straight to Maria's once he got into London._

_What would Antony's mind think next? He'd probably imagine the worst possible situation of which Carla in that would be completely beneficial for him. Antony liked to find Carla messing up, to make her worst nightmares come true. So if he were to arrive in London on this rainy night in Liam's position, what would he want to find?_

"_Peter," Liam whispers to himself, "He'd want to find Peter there with Carla."_

_And why? It made perfect sense, if it were Antony he'd want in his perfect world for his supposed player Liam to find Carla with Peter. It would make things explosive, it would break the lovers apart further and further in his game of manipulations. It was not so much a game of perfect planning as it was everything just falling naturally into its place. It was like he understands the natural occurrences of things, the way people behaved and how they felt and applied it to all corners of his life. _

_He probably supported a natural order of things; he was a man of science as doctor after all and a man of deep religious devotion. It made sense that he would frame himself as upholding what he deemed Natural in the name of God and science. So he thought in his God like stature he that knew his players more than anyone, he knew his wife Carla the most. Like he said earlier he knew her vulnerability and her weaknesses but he said it with such an air of superiority and arrogance. Antony truly believed he was the only one that knew Carla, but he wasn't because Liam knew her as well._

_So as he drove into the city limits he had already began to work against Antony's power. He was going to play things just as Antony would expect of someone like him and he would play the part well. As he stops in front of Maria's townhouse, he takes a deep breath mentally preparing himself for what would be his worse case scenario and Antony's best._

_**RING RING**_

_He rung the bell with two big tugs and waited in the deafening sound of rain as he heard a servant approach._

"_We weren't expecting any visitors at this hour, I shall have to get Miss Sutherland."_

"_That won't be necessary," he says flashing the servant his trademark smile._

"_Sorry sir," says the servant not even flinching, "But if you just wait here," she says moving aside and letting him in out of the rain._

"_Damn," Liam muttered. But he quickly recovered and told himself not to worry because he was prepared for this too, just like someone as cunning as Antony would be. Quickly he begins to take in his surroundings of the home, seeing how things could work in his favor. He wanted to have a sign that Carla was truly here, immediately his eyes fall upon a gentleman's jacket draped over a table and a faint smile forms on his lips. Everything was working just as he would expect._

"_What is the meaning of this!" says Maria Sutherland stomping towards him alone, her eyes glaring at him with unfathomable hatred, "You decide to show your face now—"_

_Quickly he raises his finger to his lips surprising her with the gentleness and just truly catching her off guard. This was good Liam thought and he used this opportune moment to drag her into the nearest empty room._

"_Just what do you think you are doing sir!" she begins to raise her voice again, "Unhand me at once!"_

_But Liam again silences her with a subtle touch on the lips and conveying through his eyes that this is all very important._

"_Shhh," he says, "Be quite, will you? No one can know I'm here."_

"_What?" Maria responds annoyed and rather perplexed, "What do you mean no one can know you're here," she hisses, "I thought you'd be here to see Carla—"_

"_I am, but it's a surprise."_

" _I can announce you," says Maria calming down a bit, "This is no way to call upon a lady and especially at this hour."_

"_Please," says Liam giving her one of his smiles now. He can feel her melting under his intense gaze, "This is very important," and then relishing the moment he quickly moves his hand within his pocket retrieving a letter he wrote while parked in the car, "Here if you don't believe me you can read this. It's all I've wrote to Carla, I want to get her back."_

_Not being one to pass up on a chance of gossip like her infamous mother Dorothy Sutherland, Maria reaches straight for the letter, just like he thought she would. This was all going perfectly because in order for the plan to work Carla would need a support system in a friend like Maria on her side like he had Michelle to support him. Her wide eyes scan the letter eagerly at first and Liam can tell she was probably expecting a heart felt letter of some sort, her features quickly change to confusion and then lastly great concern._

"_What do you mean he plans to kill her?" she says gravely._

"_I mean just that. Antony will stop at nothing to hurt Carla. I have to protect her I love her. That's why I need your help. This plan can only work with your help."_

"_I'll do anything," Maria says quickly, "Anything at all. Just tell me what."_

"_Keep the letter," Liam says, "I'll be in no position to give it to her, not if we want this to work. It has to look real and it has to continue to look real—"_

"_But she'll wonder how I got it, what do I tell her?"_

"_Leave it to me Maria," Liam says his face now matching her worriedness, "When I come back down the stairs I pass you a blank piece paper. I'll kiss your hand and slide it in for her to see. When you explain the letter, just say I gave it to you then. All you have to do is act angry and upset at my presence. You can't let on you knew I was here, okay. I'll just say the servants let me and you didn't know."_

"_I don't understand—"_

"_Then read the letter again. I need to present the illusion of a great fight occurring that will spread like fire through society circles. Antony needs to hear about it, word needs to get back to him."_

"_But why can't you just tell Carla first?"_

"_Because she needs to believe it's real. She needs to give a convincing performance, from the heart. It is the only way Antony will believe it, when he hears talk of it. She can't know from the onset because Antony will want details."_

"_But—"_

_Liam cuts Maria off, "Is Peter up there with her? I saw a coat out front."_

"_I believe so," Maria whispers rather nervously, "He's been gone for awhile, left me to entertain his friend all alone."_

"_Good," says Liam._

_Maria's eyes widen looking at him like he is crazy. He still can't believe she doesn't get his plan after reading the letter._

"_Read the letter again Miss Sutherland," he says, "And tell no one else of this."_

"_Fine," she says._

_And Liam takes her by the shoulder pushing her towards the door._

"_Which room is she staying in?"_

"_Second last at the end of hall, to the left. Are you sure you want to do this?"_

"_Never been more sure about anything in my life."_

'_It will break her!"_

"_Antony will break her first," Liam says impatiently, "Now go on back to Peter's friend. You have to present the air of a normal evening" He shoves her in the direction of the sitting room and focuses his attention on the staircase._

_This was it, one of the most important moments of his life. He had to commit to it, no matter how much it would hurt to see her cry, he was not going to be leaving here tonight without a fight happening between them. Slowly he drags his feet up the stairs carrying them like lead weights as he makes his way down the hall, the second last door on the left hand side. He heard voices._

"_I should go," says the voice of Peter Barlow_

"_Stay," he hears her voice whispering so alluring it sends shivers down his spine. Slowly he moves the door a crack more to peer in on the situation. _

_He sees Peter brushing past Carla and then being stopped midway in his step as she grips his hand. Liam watches trying to control his emotions as best he can, but astonished that everything is falling into place as he had envisioned it. He wondered if this was how Antony felt every time something worked in his favor._

_Carla's elegant fingers drift down Peter's arm to his wrist and then connect with his fingers. Their fingers are intertwined as she utters for him to stay again, it stings Liam's heart but in the long run he knew this scenario would benefit them both best._

"_Stay."_

_He decides his onset anger was getting hard to control and that he should announce his arrival. He makes himself known, cursing himself for yet another fight he knew must happen. Antony, like Michelle said thrived on discourse and all the relationships of those around him falling apart. It made him feel powerful, like an almighty God deciding everyone's fate. Antony relied on people fighting back, trying to hold on to the things they wanted and believed were theirs. Above all else it gave him pleasure and great happiness to cause Carla pain and suffering._

_So Liam would play into his unchecked arrogance, he would make Antony believe he was getting everything he expected; that he could truly get everything he wanted in having Liam and Carla break up. That way while Antony was enjoying what he believed to be another victory, Liam could work on destroying him. Antony would never have any reason to watch out for danger when he thought all his plots were going so smoothly. Taking one last breath Liam opens the door wide making his presence known._

"_So this is how much you missed me," he says in the coldest voice he can muster._

_Carla takes his breathe away even then, how she let out a little gasp at the surprise of him. Her green eyes shinning with hope, it killed him that he'd have to stomp that hope out. But she would understand it all by tomorrow, if Maria held up to her end of the plan and did as he showed her in the letter._

"_Liam," she whispers confused and stunned she drops Peter's hand immediately. Her eyes looking at him with such wonderment, perhaps glad he had come._

_Peter says his piece and Liam retaliates. He means every word of what he says to Peter, that part is no act. He knows damn well Peter is in love with her and as he says it he can't help but feel a little cocky because Liam knows that Carla will only ever love him completely. There love was as passionate as it was reckless. They drove each other crazy with all the fights and misunderstandings but at the end of the day they knew that it would never be anyone else. No matter what, or all the things they claimed were at an end, nothing could ever end between the two of them. Cillian only made their connection stronger, he was a walking breathing example of their love. Liam's need to protect Carla and his conversation with Paul tonight has changed everything; he needs to keep her safe. Still he must maintain the act and push all his jealousy about Peter and Carla aside and focus the goal at hand. He takes Peters insults about not being there for Cillian and the audacity he has to claim that he ever gave Carla away to anyone. _

"_I-did-not-give-her-to-ANYONE," he says in a deadly voice glaring at Peter._

_It scared Carla, for she had probably seen that look on Antony's face numerous times._

"…_Please stop it," she begs the tears coming down her face as she tries to get between them._

_And then he hears it this news about a baby he wasn't prepared to hear at all. It makes him stumble briefly as he gets pained feelings in his heart remembering how she kept Cillian a secret from him. He wants to be angry but he can't be deep down inside because he knows she didn't have a proper chance to tell him this time. If she had, she would have told him right away._

"_Liam please—" she grips hold of his jacket._

_It pains him what he is about to do, because all he wants to do in this moment is hold her and forgive her everything and ask her to do the same but he can't. They'd have to wait, he couldn't soften because he needed an audience in Peter, a witness to the events as they occurred._

"_I can't! I really thought I could tonight, but I can't!" he yanks his jacket from her grip glaring at her with such animosity he thought she'd surely explode with heartbreak._

_The pain seemed too great for her to take. He was being selfish weighing her heart down like this and he thought for a moment, what if this all upset their baby. He didn't want her to lose it, but in the long wrong if he wanted Cillian or any their children to truly have a chance he had to fry bigger enemies. Antony had to be dealt with in order for this baby to have a real chance. The ends justified the means._

_He stomps out the room away from her down the long hallway his heart accelerating with each step and his hands getting clammy. He needed her to come after him so that whole house could hear the fight, the more people that heard the faster it would get back to Antony. The faster it got to Antony the more willing he would be in thinking that Liam had truly lost his mind and would be considered incapable of helping run his families company. He'd be out of the question for inheritance. The more alone Antony thought Carla was, the quicker he would try to kill her or manipulate her at least. But what was important is that he would expect Liam to be too preoccupied with cutting Carla out of his life good that he wouldn't be able to foresee that Liam would have protection over her from this day forward. It worked perfectly, Carla truly had to believed she had lost him forever and the whole house needed to see her in this state, Antony would surely know as a Doctor the genuine signs of hysteria. This is why Carla couldn't act, it is the reason why she needed to believe it was real, and it had to actually be real on her part._

_He hears her coming after him now, her loud footsteps so unsteady against the floor actually create a great relief in him. He pushes onward down the stairs willing himself not to look back. He rushes down the stairs pleased now that Maria has come out of the sitting room accompanied by a gentleman. Liam tried not to show his delight at a new face with no immediate relation to his or Carla's circle who could be called upon to attest to the validity of this evenings outburst._

"_What in heavens name! What is he doing here?" says Maria surprisingly to Liam's delight she is a very convincing actress._

_Liam slowly reaches into his pocket retrieving a blank piece of paper folded like a letter to hand to Maria just like he had promised earlier. Making his way towards her and ignoring Carla's pleas he says, "Forgive my intrusion Miss Sutherland," he gently brushes her hand with his lips._

_Liam makes sure as he slides his the paper into Marias hand that Carla is looking. He can feel it from the corner of his eye that her eyes are lingering on the paper he has placed in her best friends hand._

"_Liam please—"_

_Quickly Liam gives Maria a nod of understanding letting her know he is depending her to get the plan out to Carla. He hopes she will not let him down. Maria knows what she must do with Anthony as well, so she can't fail._

"_Liam, please don't go! Liam please…"_

_He opens the door swiftly and steps out into the darkness of the night..._

He must have fallen asleep in the chair near the window because when Liam awakes next the sun is rising and he grabs for his pocket watch. It is the next day, 7am. He'd be expecting her soon.

He hears the chatter of servants walking up and down the hallways of the Connor's family townhouse no doubt gossiping about his unexpected arrival in the London rain last night. This was due to spread around society as well and that would be good, all the better to make the illusion more believable. Slowly he makes his way across the room sticking his head out into the hallway looking for a servant to implement the second part of his plan. He spots the perfect servant for the task.

"Martha," he whispers remembering fondly how the woman had assisted him in a secret tryst with Carla at in hotel in 1920 in which Carla had tried to paint him.

He remembers telling a concerned Carla that it would all be okay and not worry about anything because Martha never told anyone anything. She hated people and seemed to always have that permanent scowl on her face that made it difficult for many if not most people to approach her. Also she accepted money payments and just acted like nothing was going on. Liam found her useful for keeping secrets because she acted so impassive.

"Martha," he says again beckoning the servant over.

She wore her signature scowl huffing and puffing at his audacity to disturb her. Slowly she walks on over crossing her arms over her chest and huffing some more.

"Martha darling, how are you? You look lovely this morning—"

"What secret do you want me to keep from your mother now, Master Liam? " she says not bothering to waste time, "Just know that whatever it is, it's gonna cost ya."

"Alright then," says Liam relieved that it was this easy, "Don't worry, I'll pay. Don't I always pay you?" he says turning up the charm, " You did such a good job with the hotel visit, moving all the paints and canvas inside and everything."

"It's been some years since. Now what?"

"I need you to sneak someone inside of here for me actually"

"You never change do you sir? I thought you were all about that raven haired beauty—I never told about her you know?" she says scowling.

"I know," says Liam putting oh his most endearing smile, "Six years and not a word. So I know I can depend on you now, right?"

"Right then."

"I want you to bring a woman through the back entrance near the cooks kitchen. Make sure no ones in there then. I will expecting her in half hour. You'll surely recognize her—just bring her down the back hallway to my fathers secret room behind the study. Got that?"

The room was another secret Martha was good at keeping from his mother.

"Right, and when can I expect payment?"

"I'll pay you as soon as and give you an extra bonus too."

"Half an hour then."

Liam paced around his fathers secret room in the family townhouse half an hour later. He had cleaned himself up nicely and waited nervously looking at the time on his pocket watch. Sure enough he heard faint voices and the opening of the door. He turns around immediately; his heart is jumping out of his chest.

"As you requested sir," says Martha appearing scowling as she brought his guest forward, "Kept her well covered too. I expect extra payment—"

"Yes, yes," says Liam impatiently because nothing else mattered in this moment. With a wave of his hand he dismiss Martha, "Leave us."

Martha bows out closing the hidden door as she goes and leaving Liam alone with his visitor. He wastes no time grabbing her and pulling her into his arms kissing her with all the fiber of his being. He is glad she responds with such eagerness, it means she has read the letter and understands his plan perfectly.

"I wanted to kill you," she says breathlessly between kisses and throwing off the hood of her cloak, "When I found out from Maria it was an act, I wanted to kill you Liam."

Liam grins down at her just wanting to savor the moment, "But you don't now, do you?" he whispers seductively.

"Do you think it will work? Do you really think we can trick him?"

"We will have to stay away from each other in public—down right detest each other from now on. Antony won't suspect a thing. In fact he may even your like company and that'll be good because then you can see Giulia and get her away from him."

He still wanted to know how Antony managed to get Giulia. But he would ask another time.

"Oh I hope you are right Liam. It will be so hard to act like I hate you. But you should hate me after Cairo," Carla looks up at him with great apprehension.

"Hey, hey," he says trying to calm her, "Lets not talk about that right now. Antony is trying to kill you; I don't give a damn about any man as insignificant as Trevor Dean. You'll never see him again anyways."

"I know but—"

"Hey," he says soothingly and gripping her shoulders, "Do you trust me? That if we do this right we will never ever have to worry about Antony Gordon ever again? Do you trust in this?"

"I trust you," says Carla her eyes watering, " I trust in you Liam. I truly thought I had lost you forever."

He gazes down at her belly section thinking of the baby. They would never fall apart not ever again. Liam would be there from the beginning with this child something he never got to do with Cillian. It truly excited him.

"Never," he says pulling her in by the waist and feeling overcome with the desire to have her. He didn't know when he would able to next., "You'll never lose me again."

He leans in to kiss her neck watching her close her eyes and gradually give in to him.

"This is bad of us," she says, "If Antony ever finds out—"

"Shhh," Liam says slowly lifting Carla up onto a nearby table and fumbling with her dress, "Antony thinks he knows you better than anyone. That he has you and I both running scared. He'd never suspect we'd have the nerve to do this." Not wasting another second he leans in to kiss her like he only has one more moment to live.

"I feel like it's some scandalous secret, us being in here," Carla whispers, "I kind of like it."

"I thought you would," says Liam cockily, "I remember the girl out by the trees. She was quite wild, wasn't she?"

"What can I say," she says remembering that first time they'd ever been together, "You bring out the dangerous side in me," Carla says biting down on her lower lip anticipating his next move.

He grabs at her breasts they are firm and pulsating with desire And feeling just as exhilarated watching her trying to constrain her breathing until finally faltering under his persistent attention to detail. He felt like he would burst at any moment and she is so delirious by now with want she grabs at him quickly undoing his pants. But Liam wants to get at her first, pressing up against her and laying her down. He feels his way up her thighs stopping at her undergarments. He felt dangerous right then taking them in his hand by the waist and ripping the material apart with great force.

She lets out a gasp of shock at this action because Liam had never done anything like that so aggressive in nature before. But he was so overcome with desire that he couldn't help himself especially thinking there had been a very real possibility the previous day that this could have all been denied to him forever. He parts her legs with ease exploring her with his hands watching her in the thralls of passion.

Then he moves his body on top of her entering her and feeling her spasms as she grasps his hips and pulls him further in raising herself to match his rhythm eagerly. He saw the way she looked at him and the way she whispered his name like it was something all newly discovered to her. The way she shuddered, it all moved him to tears because he saw then that she loved him. The fact that he could always have her like this was so overwhelming he lost all control completely.

Carla fell asleep quickly afterwards, so he moved her from the table to the couch and draped a cover over her sleeping body. He figured she must have not gotten any sleep last night, she had probably spent it all crying over him. And he felt guilt again, guilt for all the pain he had caused her over the past couple weeks. But now he felt they may actually have a chance in the fight to control their fate, now that they know all they were looking for, now that Liam understands how Antony operates. He could play in this game of manipulation as well.

Slowly he kneels down by Carla's face watching her carefully trying to make sure she is truly sleeping. She was so beautiful and peaceful, it was probably the first sign of peace she had had in a long time.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" he whispers stroking her cheek and admiring her body, "And I hurt you once—many times actually. And I am sorry. I remember once somebody told me, my grandmother actually told me, love doesn't end. Love doesn't end just because we don't see each other Carla. We'll just have to keep that in mind while being apart and tricking Antony. Love doesn't end, okay?"

Carla stirs a little and Liam sighs gently stoking some of her hair away from her face. He continues talking to her while she sleeps.

"You told me once, when you thought I was sleeping that you didn't deserve me. But you're wrong to think that Carla. It's me who doesn't deserve you if I can so easily neglect you every time things get tough. But I promise that I am going to work hard everyday to become the man you deserve, the man who promised you the world, your very own palace. You remember what I told you right? I am going t everything to you and Cillian and Giulia and the baby, the baby most especially," He smiles just thinking about their unborn child before adding, "More than anyone you deserve to be happy. I won't let him to get to us again; I won't let you be unhappy. I love you and it's because you love you I swear that after last night I will never be selfish with you again."

He gets up smiling as he walks away, certain that within moments when she thinks him gone she will open her big green eyes and have heard everything. He knew his Carla well; Antony wasn't the only one.


	81. Chapter 81

It was only a couple of days after her pretend fight with Liam when Carla received a letter of invitation from her husband Antony. It was just like Liam had predicted, that Antony would hear about the big fall out and come calling. Her husband had never been one to hide his delight when things seemed to be going poorly for her. And although she wanted nothing at all to do with being in his presence (he was trying to kill her after all), Liam's plan required it. And Carla was willing to do whatever it took in the long run to save everyone she loved from her monster of a husband. She had to know her daughter was okay.

"Miss," says one of Maria's servants fast approaching with a letter tray, "A letter for you Miss, from Mr. Antony Gordon."

Carla was in the sitting room with Maria just chatting and the two friends exchanged knowing looks before Carla got up from her chair calmly and waltzed over to collect the letter. The servant leaves immediately afterwards.

"Open it," says Maria her voice full or concern and curiosity, "I didn't think he would send for you so soon, but you must open it."

"I am," says Carla her fingers trembling over the Gordon family emblem pausing for a moment before she finally decides just to cut her fears out and tear it apart. Her eyes scan the letter anxiously.

_Dear Caroline,_

_If you please, I'd much like it if you would join my father and I for tea this afternoon. Our daughter seems to be missing terribly although truth be told I can't imagine why. However for the love I bear our Giulia and at the constant insistence of my own father, I shall like for you to come to the Park Lane Hotel in London this fine day. My father, Giulia and I will be having lunch there and of course you know there remains some unfinished business between us. These matters need to be addressed before we can ever hope to precede in any further pleasantries come the future. Also Giulia has some wonderful news that a girl can only share with her mother and as your husband I urge you it is not in your best interests to ignore my simple request. Send word immediately and please don't be late._

_Antony _

Carla's mind was racing, not only because she was completely surprised that what Liam has foreseen is now coming true, but also because she wonders what family matters he could possibly want to talk to her about in a civilized manner. What could Giulia's news possibly be? Her stomach is doing flip-flops just trying to figure out best how she will approach seeing her husband again. The last time she had seen him, his hands had been around her neck trying to squeeze the life out of her. Antony was not one for discussion. But then again the letter had implied Alasdair would also be there and Antony wouldn't dare act so reckless in front of his father. Carla was grateful at least that she would be able to see Giulia; maybe she would finally be able to explain Alasdair's deception and clear the air. Her daughter's heart must still be so broken. But still Carla felt a relief. It was strange how everything was falling into place just as Liam said it would…

"_He has to believe I don't love you anymore Carla and that I want nothing more to do with you," says Liam._

_They had just made love for the second time in some hidden room within his father's London townhouse and were now discussing details of their plot. They were not going to let Antony keep them apart any longer and because Liam's plan this goal actually seemed attainable._

"_I know," says Carla, "He'll be asking around, wanting answers—"_

"_And we've got to have every corner covered. We have to have the story straight. Three witness so far," says Liam holding up his finger, "Maria, Peter, and Ciaran. Tony will go straight to them first or question people in their most intimate circles who they have likely confided in."_

" _Maria will play along, she's been briefed by the letter even before I was. But that might not be enough for Antony, and if he's not thoroughly satisfied he'll move onto Maria's servants."_

"_Exactly, most of them either saw or heard the fight. They'll give juicy details because they can't resist gossip and owe you no loyalty."_

"_But what about the one you said answered the door and went and got Maria? That could be a possible hole, which Antony will not resist from questioning. How will we deal with that?"_

"_Already dealt with," says Liam smiling at Carla, "She'll get a nice vacation away somewhere. Apparently she has cousins in Australia and is due to give them a visit. I'll book her passage right away."_

"_But what if Antony traces that transaction back to you?"_

"_Covered. I'll book it under the name of a Mr. Bentley Wise. He's a gentleman I know from my days in Morocco. For all Antony knows he could just be the girls gentleman caller, treating her to a nice little getaway."_

"_I hope this works," says Carla resting her head on Liam's shoulder, "I'm just so scared. Antony would be so furious if he found out the deception. Who knows what he would do."_

'_He'd try to kill you," says Liam in a matter of fact tone, "But if we do nothing he'd still try to do the same. We only have everything lose or nothing at all. We have to take a chance."_

_Carla knows he is right. But she is still so scared if all the ways Antony could harm her, Liam, Cillian and Giulia. She knew that the plan required for her to be brave and not let on she knew all her husbands sinister intentions. Taking a deep breath she tries to steady herself. She doesn't want any tremors to appear and cause worry in Liam._

"_Let's go through it again," says Liam now grabbing Carla by the shoulders and now and demanding her full attention._

_She stares into his beautiful blue eyes, not marred with one hint of worriedness, but instead blaze with only confidence and determination._

"_Again Liam—"_

"_Yes," he says giving her his best stern look, "We won't see each other for sometime. Not openly anyways. So I think it best we rehearse everything we have to do in the first step."_

_Carla lets out another sigh. Again Liam is right and if they wanted this plan to work they had to make sure they got everything just right._

"_Ready?" says Liam looking her straight in the eye and nodding his head for her to begin._

"_Ready," Carla repeats feeling a bit braver not that she saw Liam believed in her enough to depend on her. It really was a great responsibility and it was poetic the way Liam was showing her she was in control of her own destiny that no one else would be able to decide it for her. He was giving her a chance to realize her own potential._

"_What are we doing first?"_

"_Maria is going to call her mother Dorothy," says Carla the words spilling out of her mouth, "She is going to ask that they meet for tea."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because she just witnessed a traumatic fight in the days previous between her best friend and her best friends lover. She doesn't know what to do about it, or how to help her distraught friend out of her misery. So naturally Maria will turn to her mother for advice and of course swear her to secrecy—"_

"—_And everybody in society knows that Dorothy Sutherland's word is as good as dirt."_

"_Exactly," says Carla now beginning to smile as she felt more relaxed, "It will be spread around town as quick as wildfire. Everyone will know including Antony. And what he hears is most important. He needs to hear that I am having a breakdown worthy of my days spent in the asylum, that I have no one and I am all-alone. That you are truly done with me."_

"_I'll be taking Cillian from you as well. Nothing would delight Antony more then someone doing what he had always wanted to do with Giulia. He will be glad that you have lost Cillian to me."_

"_Once he has been convinced by every single witness account of the events he will be satisfied and more likely than not think it easier to get to you. I imagine he'll try a gentle approach. His father is in town so he wouldn't dare get violent. I am certain Alasdair doesn't even know about his sons plans, he is too preoccupied with plans of his own. The thing is that all three men; my father included, believes themselves smarter than the next. We have to attack this ignorance."_

"_But were relying too much on things working out perfectly. How can one person be so confident in the end result Liam?" says Carla her fear showing through once again._

"_We can't. But it always seems to work out just fine for Antony. We just need to take his approach. He won't attack you violently, not while his father is around. He want's to be in Alasdair's good graces and the only way to do that is to make Giulia happy. What makes Giulia happiest gives him more control of his daughter—"_

"—_And Paradise Palace itself," Carla finishes, " Because Alasdair, if the rumors are correct wants Giulia to be his heir. And because Giulia holds her grandfathers ear, Antony will do anything to look good in her eyes."_

"_He's going to extend some olive branch out to you within the next few days once Dorothy Sutherland gets talking. I know you might be scared, but Carla this will be good, not only for Giulia but you need to look for something, once back inside the Palace; you have to make sure he lets back into the Palace."_

"_I need to find the documents," Carla says getting even excited now. She was starting to quite enjoy this plotting. It just showed how well her and Liam worked together, " They'll be documents pertaining to shares in your families shipping empire. Documents that will show fraudulent means of him trying to overtake your birth right and shares."_

"_Yes," says Liam leaning in and giving her a quick kiss as a reward, "Now we need to set a time frame for this first part of the plan. How many days do you think it will take to get back into Giulia's good graces and get access to the Palace again?"_

"_I don't know? It depends how angry she is with me."_

"_Do you think we could do it in two days?"_

"_Maybe at least five, Liam. She hates me at the moment. It will take more then two days."_

" _She's fourteen, almost fifteen. She is bound to get over it soon. How about five?"_

"_I could work with five. And in the meantime you'll have Cillian," says Carla now wishing for Liam to recite his plan of action._

"_Yes, and I'll make sure to have him bond with everyone but most especially Paul and father. With Margaret's death it is important to strengthen the bonds to family, that way if Antony tries whispering any more plots in their ears they'll be more hesitant to comply. And then he'll be even more eager to have you around if only try and hurt me because I'll once more have control of the shares he has been trying to sink his claws into for so long."_

"_And?" says Carla grinning at him now, "What else?"_

"_I am going to bad mouth you to them to the upmost degree… although that part will be difficult."_

"_But it has to be done. Because when Antony tries to say you're not loyal to your family Paul and your father both will be able to have proof in their minds that you are. And remember to put your foot down when I request to see Cillian. Make sure it is a big scene."_

"_Carla," says Liam cockily, "I can do big scenes. You never did see the punch and tantrum I threw my brothers way once."_

"_I didn't," says Carla, "But I can only imagine."_

_Liam now takes a deep breath. Carla observes him deep in thought probably trying to remember if he forgot to mention anything._

"_Remember," Liam says, "No talking to Peter or anyone BUT Maria about this. She's the only one that can know. And I'm going to fill Michelle in on it as well. They'll be like our extra spies and support systems."_

"_Alright," says Carla although reluctantly because she truly wanted to apologize to Peter and make up now that she knew this was all just pretend. But like Liam said they had an illusion to uphold, "And I won't forget to try and get into the Palace as soon as."_

"_Good," Liam says getting up off the couch, "In seven days I will send for you. Maria will know when and she'll tell you."_

"_We should have a code or something," says Carla jokingly._

_But this idea brings out the boyish charm in Liam, "That's a good idea. What should it be?"_

"_I don't know. But we should pass each other notes on a paper with just the code, that way we know we've been successful on the days we don't meet."_

_Liam now scrunches up his face in deep thought just like Cillian does. It was so adorable it made Carla laugh. But Liam ignores her still in deep thought until his eyes light up._

"_I got it!"_

"_Well tell me then," says Carla still rather amused by his adorable behavior._

"_Meet me at the Hyphen."_

"_What?" says Carla._

"_Meet me at the Hyphen. You remember in New York, right? You met me at the Waldorf hotel and you said "Meet me at the Hyphen" I was so confused but then explained to me that it was something only native New Yorkers knew because of the song for the Waldorf-Astoria and the connecting Astor hotels. It's perfect."_

"_Oh," says Carla starting to get it, "Because if people here find notes like that with just "Meet me at the Hyphen" scribbled on them then they'll have no idea what were talking about. They'll be scratching their heads."_

"_Exactly. It's perfect. Plus it could just be code for being halfway done the stage of a certain task. We can have it with one hyphen then. But when we are completely done a stage add two hyphen's to the note."_

"_It's so childish," says Carla laughing but enjoying there creativity all the same, "That's why it's so perfect because no one would ever expect people our age to be communicating in such a way."_

"_And Antony being so smart and all, he'd be expecting a bigger complex method. We're a great team Carla."_

_Liam now reaches for Carla's hand and she accepts immediately letting him pull her from the couch into his arms. She wanted to stay with him like this forever. She just wanted to be with him always, but it wasn't going to be possible for some time._

"_Promise me," Liam whispers now, "That if at any point you feel too pressured, you'll tell me. I don't mind pulling back and we have the baby to think about—"_

"—_I'll be fine Liam. Don't worry about it. We have Giulia and Cillian to think of as well. I have you to think about. I can do this."_

" _I know you can. Still I am going to have someone keep an eye your safety and make sure you're safe at all times. He's a private P.I."_

"_Okay," says Carla, "And Maria too. She's in danger just playing along with this all."_

"_I won't let him hurt you," Liam says kissing her forehead, "He won't ever hurt you again."_

_Carla felt safe in his arms and more determined than ever to take an active role in her own destiny. She was going to get back her daughter and she was going to fight to stay alive. Carla would be prepared and she wouldn't just sit around letting Antony dream of ways to hurt her. She was going to win this time, because time she'd be playing Antony's own dirty game._

"_Five days is far too long to go without seeing your face," Carla murmurs looking up into his eyes and pleading for one more goodbye kiss. She'd have to savor it._

_He read her mind of course because all it took was one more look for them to fall into each other's arms again and get lost in motions of it all…_

"What does it say?" asks Maria in a hushed tone, "Has Antony requested to see you already?"

Carla looks up from the letter her green eyes looking straight at her best friend nodding her head solemnly. Inside however she is feeling an array of emotions. She just can't believe things are already going so smoothly. She felt so inspired by Liam's brilliance of actually just willing things to go well. She truly believed that because Liam was so optimistic things were paying off.

"Well I'll be damned," says Maria whispering again, "Mother's gossiping as paid off for once. Surely I thought your own mother and father would have heard of it. But mother said Mark Donovan didn't have a care at all when he heard and had his and Martha's bags packed to go visit dear Robert in Dublin."

"Oh," says Carla truly not caring for her parents anymore. They hadn't rung her once since she came back to England, nor did they inquire about Cillian, "Good for them."

"Well what does it say?" says Maria making sure they did not lose focus and returning back to the letter.

"He'd like to meet and he wants a reply immediately."

"Well I'm coming with. It isn't safe to go alone."

"You're right," says Carla. And remembering Liam's specific instructions that she try and get into the Palace as soon as possible she says, "How is your brother Kirk doing?"

"Oh I don't know. Normal I suppose, why?"

"How do you fancy going to visit him in the country today?"

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. But you have to go the Park Lane hotel—"

"No I don't," says Carla smirking, "I have to go to the Palace. Quick," she says snapping her fingers into action, "Get me a pen and paper, will you?"

"Sure," says Maria reaching for the stationary set nearby and handing a pen and paper to Carla.

Carla scribbles quickly on the stationary

_Antony,_

_If only for the love I bear our daughter Giulia I will meet you today for tea. So we are much alike in that regard if no other. However I regret to inform you I had planned to leave for the country as soon as your letter arrived. Kirk Sutherland had invited me days before for an afternoon of drinks and food. Not being one to decline such invitations at the last minute I am still going to attend. I am in a melancholy state anyways and you know how bad that can be. Perhaps tonight I could be your guest at the Palace? It works best for all parties involved, as you always return to the Palace at the end of a day spent in London. Please send your reply as soon as. I am leaving for the country immediately._

_Carla_

Quickly Carla's fingers fumble folding up the letter with Maria looking over her shoulder keeping tabs. She sets the letter down on a nearby letter tray and picks up the bell ringing it straightaway for the housekeeper to come collect and send out.

"You're not going to wait for a response? We're just going to leave for the country now? Kirk doesn't even know were coming—"

"I'm not going to give Antony any chance to say no Maria. The letter is all for appearances. I have five days to get back into the Palace and find those documents for Liam and repair my relationship with Giulia. I have to start now."

"Should we back things… like matching dresses and hats? I can have the servants pack a few things into some trunks—"

"Nope," says Carla, " Just get your driver. We need to leave immediately."

The plan was on.


	82. Chapter 82

**Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I just decided to update and in the middle of updating I got tired. But I didn't want to not finish the chapter so I apologize for any spelling mistakes and missing words. I may just go back and edit it later. Anyways thanks for all the readers and all the reviews.**

The first changes that Carla noticed about the Palace had nothing to do with the outside; instead it was everything that was inside of it. She hadn't expected Antony to respond to her letter or even send word for when he would like for her to arrive. But to Carla's own surprise he sent a driver to collect her himself. The man was full of surprises, but Liam said to expect that he'd be kinder than usual with Alasdair around. She decided it was best to go alone because the letter from earlier implied some private discussion was going to take place concerning family. Carla reasoned that Antony and Alasdair, Alasdair most especially would not take kindly to Maria's intrusion. And if Carla was supposed to present that illusion of being isolated and desperate for human contact in this depressive state she would be going for whatever company she could find. She just had to pretend to want to make amends in order to talk to Giulia and get the documents for Liam. She had no idea how she was going to figure out where he would hide such papers but Liam was depending on her so she had to pull through.

The driver was not Edson to Carla's surprise, but a much younger man of few words and a not so sunny deposition. As they drove through the familiar gates of the palace, she got chills. It was a foreboding feeling that something horrible was about to happen. But with Antony she shouldn't expect anything less.

"Welcome to Paradise Palace, Madame," says the driver once they stop in front of the main entrance. He hops out opening the door immediately and taking Carla's hand to help her out. It was getting dark now, as Antony always came from London in the evenings.

"Thank you," says Carla trying her best to be friendly. It was clear this young man was a recent hire who had no idea who she was. She wonders what has happened to Edson. Carla's mind then drifts to Mary and Libby; she wondered where they still employed at this prison?

She walks up the steps each foot carrying the weight of a thousand woes and predicaments she did not think she'd very be ready to face. But Carla has to remind herself; she had done it before in June of 1920 she has returned to Palace and cated everything was normal even after Antony had tried to drown her. She could act normal again knowing she had already survived the worst of him. Although she hated Alasdair and was almost as afraid of him as she was her husband she felt comfort in knowing he'd be around tonight. Antony would have to control whatever evil nastiness was lurking under the surface if he wanted to stay in his father's good graces. He'd act his part just as well.

"You're here to see Mr. Gordon?" says a young housekeeper Carla did not recognize.

It was strange, what had happened to Libby? Had he fired all the people who used to work here and replace them all? Had he done everything he could to remove any trace of his wife who dared to defy him? Carla just hoped that wherever Libby was now, she was okay.

"Miss?" says the housekeeper uncomfortable with Carla's intense stare and surprised shock, "Are you here to see Mr. Gordon?"

"I am his wife," Carla snaps irritated just worrying about Libby, Mary, and Edson, "What do you think?"

The young housekeepers jaw drops at the words wife and also at Carla's rude tone, but before she can even voice her displeasure another voice descends on them from the top.

"Well it just goes to show, some things never change."

Carla's eyes shoot up in the direction of the staircase, staring up into the cold dark brown eyes of her husband as both his arms hold onto the bannister of the main staircase and he smirks down at her with an immeasurable hatred. A cigar rests between his fingers and it makes Carla confused that she is able to look at such things as that and find a strange comfort and familiarity with this man, in the fact that she knew his habits quite well. Carla wonders how she should respond to him. Her hands are trembling as Antony's dark brown eyes gloss over them, looking her up and down before setting on her face again. He says nothing more as the housekeeper takes Carla's coat and excuses herself from their presence.

"Hello Antony," Carla finally musters. Though she feels her tone pathetic and weak and nothing at all like the strong woman she is supposed to be.

He says nothing still, just smirking at her for a time before shrugging his shoulders like he was over this whole ordeal and over having her in his life completely. Slowly he takes the cigar he has been holding and puts a lighter to it proceeding to make little smoke rings. Then making his way to the foot of the stairs he descends downward at such a rate it takes Carla by storm. She cannot breath as he comes within inches of her face. It takes every fiber of her being to stare at him straight in those cold eyes and not give it away she is still very much afraid of him.

The smoke overtakes her face as he says, "There all in the drawing room. I suppose you'd better come with me."

He turns away from her quickly proceeding down hallway. Carla wants to ask just who "all" of them were but she decides to opt out for smaller conversation, to try and put Antony off guard.

"You've changed the place," she says observing the newer tapestries in the corridor and because she can't help but take a dig at him adds, "You've change a few servants too."

"Our Giulia was quite mad at you," he says catching her game and purposely ignoring her statement, "One has to wonder if she'll ever forgive you. Father told me all you did…such a shame. Your lover over a daughter…hmmm."

"He obviously didn't tell you how he blackmailed me and tricked me into making that decision."

"It talks and it has opinions," he says mocking, "Can't it tell by now, I don't care."

"Don't call me "it", Carla says losing her cool. She wasn't doing a very good job of pretending to make a mends. Taking a big sigh in total frustration of his abuse she decides it best just to bite her tongue if she wants to survive this evening.

He stops at the doors of the drawing room and then giving her one last smirk swings them open, "Father, we have a visitor. The lovely wife has just arrived."

Carla follows him still very nervous as well as angry. She hadn't seen Alasdair since his deception in Cairo. She is stunned by the amount of visitors joining them. She has no clue who these extra bodies are.

"Caroline," says Alasdair turning around at his son's announcement. He is holding a bottle of brandy and pouring glasses in which he hands to a gentleman friend of his. Carla felt the man looked familiar, she had seen him in pictures before cataloguing Alasdair's adventures in the Belgian Congo, " Good of you to come."

"Alasdair," says Carla curtly unsure what to do with herself. She had never felt at home in the palace but it was even more apparent now how out of place this whole estate had always made her feel now that she had been gone so long.

"Do sit Caroline," says Alasdair briefly looking at her before exchanging a laugh with his the gentleman sipping the brandy, "We're celebrating!"

"Oh really?" says Carla. These two men, father and son were truly not normal, "What exactly?"

"An engagement," says the man who was talking to Alasdair. He is hardly able to contain his joy.

He has an American accent Carla notes. It made Carla miss New York dearly.

A servant directs Carla over to a nearby couch and next to a plump older woman she assumes must be the gentleman's wife. The lady beams at her with such joy it makes Carla uncomfortable. What in hells name was going on? She then observes Antony who she notices looks rather sullen at the mention of this news. He grabs for a glass of the poured brandy downing it much to Alasdair's displeasure.

Shooting Antony a quick look of warning Alasdair turns his attention back to Carla. Taking his gentleman friend by the shoulder they walk towards her all smiles.

"Your daughter truly is jewel," says the plump woman now looking at Carla her blue eyes beaming all the more, "A true beauty and I can see that it is one that comes from within as much as it is on the outside."

"Oh," says Carla not sure how to take this compliment and smiling demurely at the woman. She had though Antony wanted a talk with only the family. If she had known he had invited guests along for the day she would not have left Maria at Kirks. She felt annoyed. Antony always had to hide something. He could never give the full story and she and Liam had to realize this. He wasn't an open book and his thoughts and plans were very changeable, "Thank you. You've met Giulia?"

"Giulia La Bella," the lady says proudly, "Oh yes I have."

"She's a stunning image of her mother," says the gentleman smiling at Carla, "I never believed it, when Alasdair claimed your beauty surpassed all others. But alas I must admit he is right. You're Venus in the flesh."

"You flatter me too much sir—" Carla says. She is beginning to feel a little awkward at this couples lack of ceremony towards her.

"Oh you're giving her a fright," says Alasdair his brown eyes looking at Carla with surprise affection, "She doesn't know who you are and perhaps that is my fault—"

"Not to worry Alasdair. It's understandable given the circumstances," his voice booms, "Madame," he says now addressing Carla, "I am Mr. Conrad Dean," he takes Carla's hand kissing it briefly.

"Mr. Dean," says Carla her mouth drying up at the sound of the name Dean. There are so many emotions going through her mind and body. And she notices a hint of a gleam briefly pass through Alasdair's eyes as he observes her, "How do you do?"

"Excellent dear," he says, "And if you please, this is my wife Vivian."

"Nice to meet you both," says Carla unsure of what more to say she looks at Alasdair, "I was hoping I might be able to see Giulia?"

"Oh yes," says Alasdair, "Dreadful week it has been for you. Giulia will be around shortly."

But Carla wants to see her daughter now, "I can go to her. Just tell me where she is—"

"That won't be necessary," says the gentleman Conrad.

Carla was getting worked up again. Who was this man to tell her anything at all about what was necessary. She wants to tell him off but Alasdair cuts in to talk.

"Our Giulia is rather busy at the moment."

"It is a big decision to make," says Antony finally piping up. Carla had almost forgotten he was in the room.

"What is?" says Carla her eyebrows rising, "What?" she demands an answer.

Alasdair's voice is authoritative and deadly at his son's tone, "She's of age and I will hear no more of it—"

"Is someone going to tell me what is going on?"

"Of course you won't father," says Antony glaring at his father, "She's only my daughter. Heaven forbid I get to make such an important decision."

"You don't know what's best for Giulia. This is the best thing for her."

The gentleman Conrad and his wife Vivian exchange looks. Carla feels like she is the only one who does not know what is going on. She is panicking. What were Alasdair and Antony talking of? She rakes her brain trying to remember.

"Like you have any idea what's best for a child, father!"

"And you do I suppose," says Alasdair his voice rising, "If you make a scene I swear by Christ, I swear if you dare to try me—"

"An engagement is supposed to be a happy time," says Vivian trying to diffuse the tension, "My son will make her happy and she him."

"What?" says Carla her voice going completely cold. Did she just hear correctly? Giulia was engaged.

"We are going to be family," says Vivian not at all picking up on the blood draining from Carla's face, "Our eldest son is to marry your daughter Giulia."

"Madame," says Conrad noticing Carla's fatigue, "Are you well?"

"I'm not," says Carla, "I'm not at all. I wasn't consulted on this matter. Giulia will not marry!"

"I will be the judge of that," says Alasdair giving her a deadly look as well, "No woman has ever decided such things before. Why should they now, when they don't even have _choices._"

He was throwing that remark back in Carla's face yet again. She had a feeling he would from now on with all matters concerning Giulia.

"It's already been decided," says Alasdair laying down the law with his air of superiority, "They are walking in the gardens of the Palace now. The engagement has already happened. I am only taking Giulia's word as a courtesy."

Carla wants to reach out and hit him, how dare he do this? It was just like her own father, using Giulia like she was chattel in a business deal. She is about to open her mouth forget all inhibitions and scream. But then the doors to the sitting room open and she is staring at him at the back of him. The gentleman is rather tall and had brown hair. This could not be happening right now. Why did this have to happen now? Carla had a plan to commit to and this had come completely out of left field.

Giulia is all demure and shy smiles looking up at him. Carla can see that her daughter's bottom lip is trembling not out of fear but excitement and this is a sign of Giulia's immaturity. She was a young girl simply besotted with an older handsome man. She had no idea what marriage truly entailed. Still Carla couldn't see his face as he exchanged words with an approaching Alasdair and Conrad, his back as well as Giulia's away from her

"Well?" says Alasdair beaming at his granddaughter and the man, "Has the lady accepted?"

"I have grandfather," says Giulia in rehearsed tone. Her voice conveyed she'd do whatever it took to make Alasdair happy, "I accepted at once." However her voice still shows signs of uncertainty perhaps questioning if this is truly the right thing to do.

"My son, my son!" says Conrad now, "This is great. I am relieved. Two great rubber plantations shall be united. The profits will only be numerous. Your futures limitless!"

The body language of the gentleman conveyed that he did not agree with this nor seemed comfortable. His future was probably very limited now with this forced engagement. Carla's anger was uncontrollable now, this marriage was not going to happen and she was going to break it to the poor fellow whoever he was. She didn't care how much the plan Liam had required for her to be in harms way; the one thing for certain is that Giulia will not suffer in some loveless marriage based off of the usual greed of men.

"Where is mother?" the man says to his father.

"Just on the couch with your soon to be mother in law."

At that Carla remark flounces off the couch walking towards Conrad's son to let him know that in no way shape or form will he be marrying her Giulia. She grabs at his shoulder ignoring Alasdair's glares and Antony's sullenness. However Conrad lets out an offended gasp at such disrespect, as does following Vivian from behind her.

"Unhand my son at once, Madame!"

"It's okay father," he says.

The voice now that Carla can hear it up close and personal gives her chills

He turns around so quickly Carla doesn't have time to gather her surroundings as she stares at all 6 feet of him, still as handsome as ever with piercing blue eyes and brown hair. His expression quickly goes from a upbeat smile to one of complete and utter shock.

"You," Carla gasps. She can't help it the words just come out.

"And you," he says.

"Do you her? Do you already know this lady Trevor?" says Vivian, "Son?"

Carla feels just about ready to bolt as all eyes in the room are on them and Carla can see Antony's mind just spinning working away at whatever he is observing. And that is never good.

"Ye—", Trevor is about to say yes.

"No," says Carla cutting him off, "He just look familiar is all."

They are both still in shock when Giulia comes forward beaming at her mother with identical green eyes.

"Mother," she says showing no signs of anger from the Cairo incident, " I was going to tell you at tea today! Father and grandfather have decided it best, that it's the will God and I shall be engaged!"

Carla can't even say anything before Giulia is jumping into her arms and hugging her. All the while Carla is still in shock staring into those dangerous blue eyes from Cairo. They had lead her astray once before and Carla wants to say with conviction that it will never happen again; but his presence will surely not make things easy. And just like that the plan is in danger of falling apart.


	83. Chapter 83

Liam felt the plan was going perfectly. Paul was quite taken with his nephew as were Michelle and Thomas. Even his mother seemed to be warming to Cillian if only for the fact that he looked exactly like Liam that she couldn't resist. Liam had always been her favorite anyways. But his father was another story, he seemed very distant still and spent most of his days locked away in his study reading the latest news reports on trade and the government and when not doing that meeting with businessmen and politicans.

"It's like I told you Liam," says Michelle as they take Cillian for a walk one day around the estate, "He's not the same man anymore. And ever since he came upon Margaret that day, the kindness seems to have been sucked out of him. Father is just shrewd now."

"I refuse to believe he has truly become evil. I refuse to believe all humanity has left him. Father is still in there. We just have to find a way to bring him back to us."

"And you suppose Cillian will truly pull at his heart strings?" says Michelle annoyed at Liam conviction, "It isn't likely. If anything the child serves only as reminder of your love for Carla and solidifies all the reasons she must be removed permanently."

"Antony," says Liam cutting her off, "Antony is the one putting these ideas in his head. We just have to keep him away from here. It will take time Michelle, I'm no fool to think things can so easily change back to how they were. But look at Paul—well he's so different now. Why can't the same be possible of father?"

"Because father is father. And whether or not you'd like to believe it he represents the old ways. Paul's different because he has been a person of two worlds; the old ways with all the society parties and stuffy old self-important men and then the new; with the Jazz soirees and nights out in town. Paul's more easily persuaded because he never really was sure if who he should be to begin with. But father, father has it his mind all the ways things should be and he won't change for anyone."

"Father wasn't always like this though! He was much more understanding of us as children. Mother was the difficult one—"

"Father was difficult too. He was just better at hiding it is all. And Liam, Antony only intensifies all these old attitudes. He breathes them; I mean look at how he treated Carla. Like I said, I practically have ask father permission to breathe now and I am sure Carla knows the feeling."

The two siblings exchange dark looks before turning their attention to the lovely Cillian. He was running ahead them now on the garden path playing with a slingshot given to him by Paul and stopping to pick at the dirt occasionally. His son was basically the only thing keeping Liam sane and grounded at the moment. He just wanted his plan to go smoothly. He needed to beat Antony once and for all. He had an unborn child to think about. A child he hadn't even told Michelle about yet.

"To be young again," Michelle sighs, "To be young again and so naïve to all the prisons they build around us. I was perfectly happy in be none the wiser, content in my little box."

"Our prison was nothing like Carla's though. Hers was truly an illusion. At least we had love."

"Hmmm," says Michelle, "They often say love is an illusion too."

"What are trying to say Michelle? That you doubt my feelings for her?"

"I'm only saying what you've been thinking. If you didn't think it then the two of you wouldn't fall apart so much—"

"I thought we were over this?" Liam says beginning to lose patience. It was like a never-ending circle of conflict with someone in his life. Michelle said she supported his relationship with Carla.

"We are," snaps Michelle sounding just as frustrated, "But you need to be aware of the reality of your situation and of yours and Carla track record. Antony is well aware of such things and since you are trying to approach the situation from his standpoint; this is one thing you can't ignore. You have to play into this and I'm only helping you to stay on track."

"Right," says Liam seeing her point, "I should continue thinking like Antony. I can't break character. Although I feel horrible for keeping Cillian away for so long and he starting to ask questions."

"You'll just have to be stern. Remember father is watching and if he's not watching I'm sure the servants are. Hold your ground when it comes to Cillian seeing his mother. Father needs loyalty you can't back out now."

"I'm not going to."

"Good."

Michelle grabs his arm giving Liam a reassuring smile letting him know she was still his foot solider. Liam returns it happy once again that he can depend on his baby sister. Beckoning to Cillian, the three make there way back to the house; handing there coats to the servants once inside and preparing to have tea.

"We should get him a dog?" says Michelle petting Cillian on the head and kneeling down to pinch her nephew's rosy cheeks, "Would you like a dog darling?"

"Yes," says Cillian giving his aunt the most adorable smile he could muster.

Liam shook his head in disbelief. At this age Cillian had already perfected the art of winning women over. It would be so hilarious to see what he would become like in the future.

"Yes what, Cillian?" says Liam trying to enforce proper manners. He raises his eyebrows staring down at his son.

Cillian returns the look with a wide-eyed stare, blushing at forgetting his manners and says, "Yes please Aunt Michelle. I want a doggy."

"And that you shall have! You shall have everything in this world you dear one."

"Don't spoil him," says Liam trying to be a good parent, "He'll take advantage."

"Well then," says Michelle still beaming at her nephew, "He takes his father then, in more ways than one. Your father took advantage of ladies affections all throughout childhood. There wasn't a single thing our Auntie Ida Wellington wouldn't do for him, and he wasn't even her blood. You'll be just like him. But I don't care, you're my only nephew. I will spoil you rotten."

"No you wont," Liam tries to protest. But it is no use because Michelle is so taken with her only nephew.

Cillian immediately falls into Michelle's arms giving her a great big hug.

"I love you Auntie Michelle."

"I love you too dear one," says Michelle her voice choking up, "Now run along and lets the servants seat you for tea."

Cillian turns from her immediately running down the hallway. Liam was surprised at how quickly he was adjusting to life in England. Not once has he mentioned why he isn't back in New York. But Liam figures perhaps he thought they were on just another vacation.

"I've told him not to run down the halls. He just won't listen. Mother will lose it."

"No she won't Liam. You're becoming more paranoid about everything. But I assure mother doesn't notice much anymore. Surely you've notice all she does is tend to her roses and entertain prayer groups now. She barely has the time or the energy for society teas anymore. But Antony visits her weekly, bringing the latest news."

"Of course he does," sneers Liam. Antony used any opportunity available to plant his seeds of doubt and make himself come off like the perfect would be son.

"Yep," says Michelle as the two siblings start walking down the hallway past the library, "Apparently mother is really touched. He says she's like the mother he never had. His mother died shortly after childbirth or so he says. Although I've heard much sinister details behind her death."

"Hmmm," says Liam not really caring all too much about Antony's personal life. Outside of Carla and his family, the less he knew of Antony Gordon at the moment the better. The man sickened him beyond all things in this world.

They get past the library near there fathers study as just the oak doors swing open coming face to face with a man Liam recognizes immediately. He had seen him at the hotel holding Michel's reception in Cairo. Liam is taken a back immediately and very confused. What was he doing in England and his father's home?

"Always a pleasure Fionnbharth," says the man.

Liam's father follows the man out smiling broadly, "Please Mr. Foster, call me Barry. No need for the formalities—"

"Father," says Michelle looking at him nervously and then the man.

"Michelle," Fionnbharth replies his voice giving way to what little patience he seemed to have for her these days, "You remember Doctor Foster, don't you? He was at the garden party the Wellington's had a few months ago."

"Oh yes," says a clearly fluster Michelle.

Liam observes his sister and how her body language has changed remarkably in the last few minutes. It reminded him eerily of how Carla had shut down after the encounter with this man at the hotel. He wasn't the only one who got an uneasy feeling from the man after all.

"Mr. Foster," she says extending her hand for him to kiss.

His brown eyes gleam up at her and he makes no attempt to hide his almost grotesque leering, "Please Miss, I beg to call me Frank."

"Alright then," says Michelle shooting Liam a terrified look at this mans forwardness in front of their father, "Hello Frank."

"Hello again," he brushes her hand with his lips leering at her some more before their father directs his attention to Liam.

"You've never met my second born, this Liam Barrington Connor."

The doctor's eyes illuminate some more and Liam has a feeling that the man must already know his name. His look sends shivers down Liam spine making him very uncomfortable as he extends a hand in politeness. Liam would have rather scowled, but like Michelle said he had part to play. He had to get into his fathers good graces and therefore be polite to all of his father's newfound friends no matter how questionable their company was.

"Sir," says Liam making sure to not give away he has any recollection of seeing or talking to him in Cairo, "Nice to meet you."

"And you! You're something of legend around these parts. Your father tells me you are an excellent business man, with just the right mix of personable attributes and shrewdness."

"I try my best," says Liam keeping eye contact

"Indeed," says the Doctor smiling and observing him.

Liam himself is doing a lot of observing. Taking in the man's greying brown hair and impeccable fine manicured hands as well as a wedding band. It seemed he was well groomed like all doctors were, like he liked to keep clean and out of messes His shirt did not seem to have a single wrinkle as it was pressed to perfection. Although Liam notices a fresh stain of cognac, something the doctor keeps dabbing at with a handkerchief and his fine hands.

Perhaps he spent a lot of time cleaning up messes…or secrets, secrets no one else was supposed to know about. And immediately Liam's mind drifts to Carla and how she behaved after in encountering this exact man in Cairo.

"I wonder," says the doctor looking at him, "Have I met you before somewhere?"

"I don't believe so," says Liam picking up on his game. He obviously remembered Liam from Cairo, they had exchanged a few words, Liam thought nothing of at the time, "I am usually quite good with remembering faces."

"Hmmm," says the doctor.

Again Liam looks at his hands trying to configure things about him much like he was sure Antony does with any person he just meets. Everyone did it of course but Antony took things to another level in his skill. Liam had to practice more. Again he and again his eyes were drawn to those hands and then Carla and the hands again…"

"Do you play doctor?" Liam blurts out.

Everyone is caught off guard by this random question. Michelle raised her eyebrows at him giving her brother a quizzical look. His father seemed annoyed as usual but Liam would just pass this off as small talk and trying to be friendly.

"Yes I do actually," says the doctor intrigued, "How did you ever know?"

"Your hands," says Liam simply, "They are for a gentleman quite, refined and delicate. It's a trait amongst many pianist."

"My, my very observant," he says almost impressed, "I played a lot as boy and I still do this day. In fact it's a useful skill in my line of work."

"How so?" says Michelle boldly. She ignores their father's glare, "Forgive my complete ignorance as a woman, but how does medicine relate to piano's?"

"Do not apologize Miss. I can see how many would be confused. But I worked in an asylum for some time years ago. I found that it was easier to connect with the patients if I made them feel more at home."

"Hmmm," says Liam raising his eyebrow and giving the doctor a pretentious smile, "Interesting."

"Oh yes," he whispers "Very interesting. You know I had one patient—what raven haired beauty she was," he holds Liam's eye at that remark a smirk coming over his features, "She loved the piano. Whenever we played... all the secrets, well they just started to pour out…"

_"It was the doctor…the man who made me shut down… it was the doctor…"_

Liam felt a shiver as Carla's confession echoed in his ear. He could feel the pit of his stomach ready to just about sink. This man had done something to Carla. It all made sense now, why she shut down. He feels physically ill but he cannot let on that these words have any affect on him, because that is exactly what the doctor is doing. He is fishing around tying to get a reaction out of him and it could very well be to report back something to Antony about the validity of the fake fight.

"As I said, very interesting."

"Yes, yes," says Fionnbharth taking Frank by the shoulder, "His progressive practices are very interesting indeed. Although I must admit I prefer locking those insane people in cages. I wouldn't even call them people, Frank. Your much too good, a savior. Those sorts are not good for society and are a sure mark of devils presence on this earth."

"Oh yes, some have a sort of stain that needs to rooted out. I do believe some can be saved. But at heart some of them can never wash away the badness. They have the mark of Cain and only brutality will do. You have to break those ones," again he smirks at Liam.

"Well you must give my congratulations to the young girl, " says Fionnbhrath changing the subject, " Fourteen and engaged my oh my. My Michelle was sixteen at the time of her engagement. I presented her to the monarch and everything. Surely Antony will wait until Giulia's introduction into society?"

"Wait a minute," utters Liam, "Is this Giulia Gordon you are speaking of?"

"The one and only," says Frank.

Liam had to find a way to get in contact with Carla immediately. This was shocking news. The girl was so young, much to young for any marriage.

"Does the lady consent?" Liam can help but ask although it causes his father to stare him down.

"She is a bit young, don't you think?" Michelle adds meekly also falling victim to Fionnbharth's death stare.

"The lady doesn't need to reciprocate. It is the will of her father by law and land and God. He and he alone rules over her person," Fionnbhrath says, "And as for being young—"

"—She's of age," Frank Foster says in a tone that makes Liam's skin crawl. It was very adoring, very creepy.

Like he knowledge of the girl in ways he shouldn't. It implied something much more knowing, a comfortableness that was not appropriate. Liam can't stop staring at this sinister creature before him; it is taking all his strength to pretend to not be disgusted.

"She's beautiful just like her mother was at that age," Frank says again his eyes drift over Liam, "Her mother is_ still_ very beautiful."

"And what would you know about it?" Liam whispers forgetting himself completely because disgust and anger are threatening to overcome him. The thought of poor Giulia anywhere this man with a way too familiar knowledge of her made him physically ill.

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind him," says Michelle quickly sensing danger, "He's been so stressed trying to be there for our Paul in these sad times with Margret and all that he often says things like that, but you're not meant to take it personally…right Liam?"

"Right," says Liam shaking his head and trying to collect his thoughts. He could not afford to lose his cool like this, "I think I am coming down with something. Forgive my rudeness sir. I meant no harm by it."

"All is forgiven," Franks says giving Liam the fakest smile imaginable his eyes conveying murder. Then turning to Fionnbhrath one last time says, "I'm off to the Palace now to give my congratulations. I shall extend that of your families and see you again next week. About the medicine—"

Fionnbharth cuts him off giving him an alarmed look, "We'll talk of it later Doctor, when you have more time."

"Of course Barry," he says exchanging a knowing look, "Another time, then," And then turning back to Liam and Michelle he says, "It was good to meet you Mr. Connor, and Michelle send my regards to your Thomas."

"I will," pips up Michelle.

Liam extends his hand out accepting the doctor's hand and holding it delicately for two seconds before applying pressure. It caught the man off guard but Liam decides to play like nothing is wrong.

"I shall have to call on you doctor," he says still keeping a rather tight grip.

"Oh you shall? And why is that?"

"I'm bound to get hurt one of these days," Liam smiles and letting Frank know he could do evil just as well. Then leaning in to whisper in the doctors ear he adds, "Who knows what things are lurking around the hallway…secrets and such. I'll have to be well protected, won't I?"

The doctor gives a brief but sinister smile. Quickly taking his free arm and patting Liam's shoulder in almost a brotherly fashion, "All in good time Mr. Connor," he whispers back, "All in good time. I have a feeling we understand each other perfectly. You'll have to ask that darling of yours-once your over that fight, what secrets it is that she is keeping. What secrets and lies does she tell to save her own soul? Believe me you'll be very surprised by all the little secrets you can find lurking in every doorway of that Palace, my even your own house."

With that he yanks his hand out of Liam and gives him a great big smirk a deathly stare, even more unsettling then Antony's.

"Your son is quite the gentleman Barry. I hope he will be back for the share meeting."

The doctor walks past Liam down the hallway with Fionnbharth following and Liam and Michelle alone. That remark was another dig; it showed he knows all about Antony's plans to take Liam's share in the family company. What else did he know? The man clearly knew Carla, so what else could he know about Antony's plots? It was just another reminder he had not to break character. The doctor already showed signs of not believing the fight that had spread through society circle. Liam had to make things as convincing as possible. He and Carla could not afford to be found out. He'd have to get a message to her immediately.

"What's wrong?" says Michelle, "Liam what's the matter?"

"He knows," Liam blurts out. He is not sure all that the doctor may or may not know but it is clear he knows something and this was the best way Liam could convey this fact.

"Knows what?" says Michelle in a hushed voice, "Who?"

"That doctor," says Liam looking into his sisters identical blue eyes, "He knows."


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter is rated M for the sensitive topics of rape.**

"And just how old is this gentleman, Mr. Trevor Dean?" says Carla asserting herself as the protector of her daughter.

The Deans were with Giulia in the sitting room while Carla and Antony had just been dragged into Antony's office by his father Alasdair. He was not happy with how they conducted themselves and was laying down the law. Carla wasn't going down without a fight. She knew she had the plan to think of but at the moment her daughter's protection was number one priority.

"I don't see why that should be any concern of yours," says Alasdair staring her dead the eyes. He was strict and far removed from the emotions of Carla and his son.

""Really father?" says Antony.

Carla can't help but be a bit surprised that Antony is also asserting his adamant dislike for this union. Although that doesn't mean she is stupid. The only reason he was so against this was because the marriage wouldn't suit his purposes. If he could sell Giulia off to any man of equal standing that would benefit his end goals, Antony would sacrifice her like a moth to the flame without a second thought. Like he had once told Carla, all his love was conditional. He'd only love Giulia so as long she could secure his rightful inheritance.

"I swear I could bend you with my thumb and break you in two you insolent shit!" Alasdair snaps at his son.

Carla jumps at the amount of hatred coming from within Alasdair soul and she feels a rear moment of sympathy for her husband, again just like she felt when she learnt the truth about his mothers death and how he had been made to relive it, probably everyday of his existence.

"Father," says Antony rather calmly being used to his fathers anger. It often in turn made him angry and before Carla had finally escaped this place she had been the victim of his wrath. The anger was there it was hiding under the surface, waiting for the perfect victim, the person who couldn't fight back.

"Don't you "father" me," Alasdair says in disgust, "Listen here, and you too," he says glaring at Carla and ordering her into the chair next to Antony.

Carla has it in her mind to stand her ground and return his glare. But she needed she needed those documents. Those documents meant one step closer to freedom and freedom meant happily ever after with Giulia, Liam Cillian and her unborn child. She took a seat, preparing to be yelled at some more.

"What then?" says Antony glaring at his father and purposely antagonizing him, "What am I to listen to, _father_? Oh wait, am I not allowed to give you the honor of father anymore?"

Alasdair is venomous, "I will not entertain your passive aggressive behavior Antony. If you have something you want to say, or rather someone you want to hit; I suggest you be a man about it and try me now. Otherwise I shan't like to see your little harlot Tina all black and blue tomorrow. But alas your whore is only seventeen and a gold digging bitch by all accounts I'm sure she'd think this behavior normal. So son make your choice, to hit or not to hit…"

Antony says nothing.

"That's what I thought. All talk when it comes to fighting men."

"I don't want Giulia to marry," says Carla trying her best to keep things on track.

Alasdair ignores her still staring at Antony. He is stewing with a lot on his mind, stirring to get out his true feelings after all these years it seemed. He probably needed to remind Antony again, what a disappointment he turned about to be.

"You know what they say?" he says with great animosity.

"What do they say father?" says Antony biting back with an equal amount of animosity. His tone is mocking.

"They say a man that can't govern his own wife has no business in having an opinion. He has no place in the areas of business, of governance, religion, of anything honorable in this world! And you, you my son you can't even govern your own wife and you suppose you can me what I will and will not do? I don't think so."

"I'm your heir father!" says Antony, "Whether you like it or not all that is yours shall be mine!"

"It's that what you think, you little brat? Really, everything that is mine shall be yours? AND WHY! Why? I should give you nothing; I should strip this all from under your feet and leave you bare! I should watch you go through the rest of your life miserable and finally having to pay for all you have done."

"And oh father, I have done _so_ much!" says Antony laughing hysterically.

He was alluding to all the rapes and it made Carla's skin crawl.

"I have it my mind… by Christ—"

"By Christ, what father? Know that if I could go down, I'll make sure to take you with me! You covered up all my apparent _misdeeds_, whether it be out of love or honor I don't care! But you covered it up and you will continue to do so."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"You owe me," says Antony in deadly whisper slowly rising from a chair in such a fashion it made the hairs on the back of Carla's neck rise up.

"Owe you?"

"For mother," says Antony still in a whisper. His voice has so much hate, "I damn you to hell for her everyday."

"You don't even know what she did. You don't even know all her reasons—"

"I blame you. You allowed me to endure those moments. You allowed for me in your own selfishness to learn the details of her death!"

"Oh don't act like it gets to you Antony," snarls Alasdair, "You obviously couldn't have cared too much. Look how you treat our Caroline."

"I have nothing to do with this," says Carla.

And she truly believes it. This was the darkness of the Palace closing in on these men after all this time. It was a sign that the secrets embedded in these walls would catch up to each and every person who walked amongst them eventually. The things you run from would catch up to you in time. She thought of Antony and these walls and how by some strange fate she managed to end up at this place again, still not free from the husbands she hates. How ironic it was, the man she was running from ended up stopping her in the end.

"It has everything to do with you," sneers Alasdair.

"Well then it will have to wait," snaps Carla sitting up in her chair with confidence, "If you want to sell me on the merits of such an engagement, you'll have to do so now…and the Dean's.. Imagine what they must think hearing this screaming coming from in here. They're might not be an engagement come tomorrow."

Alasdair's brown eyes immediately soften and seems to come to his sense, "I can't believe I am actually, but you are right Caroline. It was a moment of great unkindness on my part."

"Very well," says Carla, "Antony and I accept your apology."

Before Antony can protest at Carla's nerve to speak for him Alasdair holds up his hand, "Thank you Caroline for demonstrating such maturity. I understand it has been a difficult past few days?"

"It has," says Carla her insides jumping for joy that the Dorothy Sutherland's gossip has paid off, "But I have endured as best I can. Cillian has been takien from me—" Carla's voice cracks trying to play up the pain, "I never knew Liam had it in his heart to break me like this. His words meant very little," and now going in for the big act of a lifetime, "I'm sorry but I cannot bear think of that man anymore—"

"I shall not bring it up anymore. Although Caroline I did warn you, he would disappoint you in the end."

Antony Carla can feel observing her trying to read her like he so often did. She could tell that Alasdair was warming up to her perhaps he had been convinced. Antony would take much more persuasion.

"So you can understand," she says her voice at the brink of tears, "How talk of marriage and love would leave me rather unwell? I can't bear my Giulia getting her heart broken."

"Trevor Dean is a decent man."

"How old is he? When Antony and I married he was twenty and I sixteen. It wasn't so bad. But Giulia is fourteen—"

"An engagement doesn't mean marriage right away," says Antony in a tone that shows he thinks Carla truly to be dumb as rocks, "But nonetheless I do not approve."

"And whatever for, Antony? The Dean's are very rich as rich I am. As rich as a family can be. This union is any business man's dream."

"So you admit," says Carla, "This is not for our daughters best interests."

"In a word yes," says Alasdair making no effort to hide his opinion, "Marriage is not about the individual it is about the family. You should know better than anyone this fact. Although I was myself silly, I thought for my son's own personal happiness, your resemblance to his mother was quite uncanny. Now I know never to make such decisions for personal reasons again. Look at the disaster that is your marriage."

" And we only have you to thank for that father."

"Thank yourself Antony. Save me from having to witness what is once again your pathetic inability to take any responsibility for your own actions."

Carla nods her head in agreement.

"I don't know why you're nodding your head Caroline. It applies to you as much as it does him. Remember the Cairo incident, don't you?"

"I didn't have a choice," says Carla. She will not have him twist her words for his benefit.

"You had a choice, you could have said no. You could have walked away out of the hotel room. You could have changed Giulia's perception of you."

"You didn't give me that choice."

"When are you going to understand that choices are not given, they're made? You make them…that's all there really is to it."

"Then why won't you Antony say no to his engagement?" says Carla raising her eyebrow at Alasdair and exchanging a quick glance with her husband, "If we all have choices, why can't we just say no?"

"Because you both know deep down that your not willing to take all that comes with saying no. I never said the choices one had to make were fair. You couldn't risk losing what was then the object of your affections, Liam. And Antony can't risk being parted from my money and this palace."

"You think you know everything—"

"I do know everything. I know the little voice inside your head, like a child it tells you all the dangerous things creeping about at night. It tells you how dangerous it is out there and then you ignore all the lovely things that can exist in this world as well. Why not take a chance? I'll tell you why… you're afraid. Giulia doesn't need this. She doesn't need the horribleness of your marriage. You've had a bastard and my son Antony has a bastard on the way with that harlot Tina…I will not have this."

"You won't have what? Your idea of perfection challenged?"

"I won't have you two run her life into the ground. You'll neglect her! Look at you Caroline, handing her over to me like she some chattel at the market place for your bastard son and lover!"

"Do not call my son a bastard!"

Alasdair ignores her looking at Antony with disgust, "And you, you're prepared to do the same for your whore Tina and that bastard child. Don't think I don't hear about how you wish me to make such an abomination my heir! And over Giulia, mark my words it will never happen. You both think me a horrible parent, but you are both way worse!"

"I will not be a bad mother to her!" says Carla her voice actually shaking at Alasdair's cruel words.

"Don't you get it, you traded her for your son and lover. And now it seems if I am to believe anything that comes from Dorothy Sutherland's own mouth, you don't even have them. If you want any sort of family you'd be wise to accept my decision for Giulia. Lord knows your own father can't be depended upon for any sort of stability. He can't even give you money, he relies on me for that."

"Giulia deserves love, to fall in love—"

"At her age love is an illusion," says Alasdair.

"It isn't right," says Carla and looking at Antony says, "You agree we me, I know you do. Giulia deserves better."

"You know nothing about me," says Antony glaring at her and looking as deeply hurt by his father's words. And then looking at his Alasdair says, "You say the Palace is an illusion, but I beg to differ father. You're the biggest illusion I know," he throws out his chair at a violent speed, "Go on an marry her off then. I don't fucking care! But mark my words, you better not forget this show of loyalty."

Carla is flabbergasted. She expected Antony to put up a fight not give so easily. He never gave in that easily not even to his father. Something was amiss and Carla thought that if she were Alasdair she'd be careful.

"My granddaughter does deserve better! Not to be some hanger on to your bastard children. The only way I would ever consider any room for negotiation is if you and Antony reunited for Giulia's interests and advancement in this world. But you're both far too selfish and self-indulgent. You live for sin in sin everyday. I will save Giulia from such a fate."

"That's all then," says Carla curtly.

"That's all. I've had enough of the both of you for a time." Alasdair gets up giving her one last glance before walking out of the study.

Carla sat for a time in silence. She was emotionally drained from all of this, first Giulia, then Trevor and now Alasdair laying down the law. She was surprised by Antony's lack of interest towards her, he was known to be possessive yet he was acting quite indifferent to her as well as to mentions of Cillian and Liam. Something was definitely amiss and Carla decided she have to spy Antony because she had a feeling Liam and her both did not know the extent of his plotting. But for now she have to rummage through her husbands papers and see what she could come up with documents for Liam. She couldn't wait to tell Liam of this explosive news and to be in the safety of his arms again. Quickly she gets running to his desk and rummaging through his cabinets.

"Documents," she says talking to herself, "You're looking for share documents."

"Now," says a voice causing Carla to jump up, "Why in heaven's name would you be doing that Caroline?"

"Frank," she says with absolute hatred.

"The one and only darling," he says taking a puff from his cigar and putting it out he walks into full view and the room.

Carla's eyes go wide as she watches his delicate hands quickly and deliberately close the door of the study and lock it. She wants to run and makes an attempt to do so but the Doctor blocks her way. His touch makes her skin crawl as he grabs hold of her arm overpowering her and dragging her into him. She can feel his arousal and the hotness of his breath. It makes her shudder.

"Don't dare make a sound darling Caroline," he says whispering in her ear.

"Get away from me," says Carla her voice quivering, "I'll scream…"

"Shhh Caroline," he says in sickly sweet voice. He pushes her into the nearest wall covering her mouth and then yanking for her hand fumbles with his pants so she can feel his length.

She feels like a young girl all over again, being made to touch him to play his games and keep his secrets. She can hear him breathing heavily anticipating the pleasure he will get and she tries to yank her hand away.

"Don't even dare," he whispers, "Or I make Giulia do this instead. Which would you prefer?"

The tears are streaming down Carla's face now as she hears him unzip his pants. She cannot believe he is actually getting away this she wasn't a child anymore.

"I saw your little boyfriend today, the one you've had that big fallout with. He tried to get all tough with me…making underhanded threats. Let's see what he thinks when he learns what I've had tonight. I think I'll send him a little message."

She can feel his hands pushing up at her dress and she feels immobile, like she left her body and she watching it happen.

"Maybe he'll be off you permanently, hmmm?"

"Please don't make me—"

"You need documents don't you? I'll keep a secret, if you keep mine."

"I don't want to—"

"This is why you should never say what you thinking out loud," whispers Frank his eyes full of disturbing lust, "You never know who just might be listening."

"They'll hear," says Carla at one last attempt to barter with him.

""No they won't. I'll make sure to keep real quite. I've missed this and I won't take it for granted. It's been so long since i've had a taste," he breathes, " Your little boyfriend Liam—I wasn't impressed with his threats today, no matter how pathetic they were. But I guess he'll have to learn the hard way; everything he tries to do to me, will only end up hurting you. "

Without another word he pushes her down between his legs, exposing her to He doesn't care that she is crying or that she can't breathe, men like him always got what they wanted. And he threatened to do such things with Giulia so she didn't have a choice. Suddenly she stop crying and feeling anything at all. It was the only way to survive this. She couldn't even feel powerless then, just sick, sick of all the choices she was forced make and all the secrets handed back at her. And this would have to be her next to keep.

**As always thanks for all the reviews/ readers/ and every person that has help to promote this story. I truly appreciate you all very much and really my story wouldn't have this much traffic if not for all the people on twitter. I don't think I've ever thanked those people before who promoted it way before I even got a twitter account. **

**Also sorry if this story just seems like an endless tragedy for Liam and Carla. I mean I even think writing it sometimes, how horrible can their lives possibly get. But I swear everyone who deserves to pay for their crimes in this story will get their day of justice in the end. So thank you all for not getting too frustrated with me. But if anyone is frustrated with the constant unhappy feel to the story, feel free to tell me at anytime. **


	85. Chapter 85

**Warning this chapter is rated M for strong references to child abuse as well as rape.**

"You know I hate to see that lovely face so upset," says Frank zipping up his pants and acting like he has done nothing wrong.

Carla won't look at him. She just wants to get rid of the taste of him as she sits slumped against the wall where he left her. She just wanted to shower to scrub herself clean of him. She closes her eyes wishing she could block him out and wills herself to disappear. This wasn't fair, this wasn't right, why did bad things always have to happen to her? Why was if that every time she was ready to fight something bad had to happen to knock her back down? She scrunches her eyes in deep pain and frustration trying to hold back anymore tears and knocks the back of her head against the wall. She wants to feel any type of pain because any other pain is better then this.

"Stop that Caroline," Frank says kneeling to her level and whispering in her ear.

His voice is still hot and full of lust it makes Carla want to vomit until she can empty her insides out. She feels him touch her hair, grabbing a handful of it and letting it slide through his delicate fingers. Carla tries to yank away from him but he restrains her shoulder with his free hand.

"Steady now," he says his voice showing signs of a warning, "Hold still. I just want to touch your lovely face."

Carla's eyes shoot open glaring at him in disgust, "I don't want you to touch me!"

"Hmmm," he says amused, "You really don't have a choice. I'll do what I please with you. Remember when you younger, you swore yourself to me."

"No I didn't," says Carla even more repulsed as he brushes his lips against her neck like they are actual lovers.

"Oh yes you did Caroline. Don't you remember? …playing piano and all those secrets that just started to pour out. You told me all Uncle Aidan and how he was so cruel with you and then you talked about Robert and how you missed him so much because he protected you and adored you. I remember you asked if I would be your protector—"

"I trusted you and you took advantage and you still take advantage. You're wife—"

"What about her? You always seem to bring her up every time we meet. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous of her. Even at the asylum you always had to mention her. Perhaps you want me all to yourself."

"You're sick! You're sick if you think I ever desired you."

He smirks again pulling out a handkerchief, twisting it around in those soft hands the wedding band gleaming under Carla's gaze.

"Let me say it to you plainly because you still seem a little dense. There is a natural order to this world. I don't know if your familiar with the simple concept us learned men like to call "The Divine Right to Rule" but in case you're not I explain it to you it's quite simple."

Carla tries to turn her head away from him but he grabs hold of her jaw and starts to dab away at all the stickiness and any signs him left on her. He does it in a methodical matter; he had always liked to keep things clean. He had told her once how he liked his possessions to be clean always and this applied to her, he had a ritual of cleaning her up after he was done with her.

"A person Caroline, gives up their personal rights in favor of the general will. And they acknowledge that in order to stay protected from the dangers of this world they have to respect the superiority of their leader. It's a compromise really, in order to be protected you in trust your whole life in one protector."

Carla is about to shout that she does not accept his superiority or that he is any sort of protector. It just showed how truly deranged he was. But before she can speak he brings a finger to her lips stopping her.

"You asked me once after we played your favorite song on the piano, you asked if I would be your protector. Don't you remember, how I said yes Caroline?"

Carla ignores him. She doesn't want to remember anything else from that period in her life. Her silence only makes him happier, because he knows he is right. But as a girl of fourteen how could she be expected to fully understand all she was agreeing to. The images of that day flash before her eyes, her hands drifting across the keys as he sits next to her…

_Her hands rest on the piano taking a rest as the Doctor takes a whack at the piano keys. She can't help but smile and be happy every time they get to meet. He was so much kinder and personable than all the other doctors at this place. And he was also much younger and handsome then all the other doctors as well. She liked being here in this office with him, where the sun always shun and out of the darkness and dampness of her own room_

_In a trance Carla watches as his delicate hands cascade across the piano keys. His band always stood out. Carla was a bit envious that some lady managed to get a man so nice and caring as him to her husband. She hoped one day she could get a lovely husband too._

"_Your turn," Doctor Frank whispers softly smiling at her and bringing her from her thoughts._

_Without a second thought and always eager to show off her skill because she liked his praise Carla starts to play a few keys herself. She can feel the doctor sliding closer to her on the bench and it makes her blush a little. Lately he had been doing strange stuff like this, hugging her for long periods of times and rubbing her back in ways that made her nervous. But she pushed her fears and doubts aside, because Carla felt she could trust him. His shoulder was touching hers and their knees were pressed up against one another's. He didn't seem to particularly notice the closeness of their bodies as he focused intensely on the keystrokes she was making._

_She feels guilty for staring at him and the shameful voices of her parents echo in her head telling her she is a sinner. Carla quickly shakes these thoughts away, she only adored him, she didn't love him and there was nothing wrong with her adoration. He was like the father she never had._

_She focuses back in the piano and sees his fingers now joining in on the song from the other side of the keys, making there way closer to hers. His head jutting back and forth as he gets more and more into it and she glances up at him perplexed by his talent. Wanting to show off some more for him, she looks at him as her hands flutter away on the piano having memorized all the keys. It was an exceptional skill for her young age._

_She sees his brown eyes take notice of her delicate swan like fingers working away at such a scale and his head turns to her abruptly his eyes full of that strange look he often gave her but this time in even greater intensity. _

_It happened so quickly the way he shifted to slid behind her so she could sit in between his legs. His chest pressed against her back as he grabbed hold of her hands directing them across the keys as they played together. Carla stole glances at him as his chin extended over her shoulder, focused on the precision of each note. She felt confused, like this didn't feel appropriate as it reminded her of her uncle. But he seemed very comfortable so perhaps she was overreacting. _

"_Doctor," she whispers as she feels his chin resting on her shoulder. She makes eye contact with him, "Doctor Foster."_

"_What is it Caroline?" he says holding her stare for a time and then abruptly turning attention back to the piano._

"_I'd like to get out now, if that's alright with you." she says meekly._

"_Why wouldn't it be?" he says raising his chin slightly off her shoulder. However his arms were still extended over her person._

_She didn't have an answer. She really didn't know why it wouldn't okay to ask him to get out from behind her. She blushes because she believes he has no sinister intentions and she feels bad for even letting her mind go there._

"_Hey," he says noticing her nervousness, "If I've made you uncomfortable in anyway, it was not what I intended." With one last dazzling smile he slides away from her and off the bench._

_Carla stays rooted in her spot her fingers now resting on the piano. She is too ashamed to look at him._

"_Hey," he says again walking over to her side of the bench and kneeling down, "Look at me Caroline. Won't you please?"_

_She feels her eyes filling with tears and wants to kick herself for overreacting. She thought Doctor Foster must think her to be an absolute baby. But she blamed herself for so long about Uncle Aidan. She felt like it was her fault, like she had encouraged him. Carla turns her head to stare at him ready to burst into tears under his concerned gaze. He grabs hold of her engulfing her in a great big hug as she bursts into tears._

"_I'm so sorry," he whispers, "I should have thought…uncle Aidan, of course. I'm so sorry Caroline."_

"_It's okay," Carla sniffles, "You didn't mean anything by it. I feel safe with you… you're my friend."_

"_Well you know I'll always be here for you. I'll always protect you."_

"_You're my protector like Robert was, before father sent him away."_

"_Exactly," says the doctor retrieving a handkerchief from his coat pocket and beginning to wipe away her tears._

_The way he did it was with so much kindness. Her father had never so much as offered her a handkerchief when she cried. She loved the feeling of being loved and this was truly her first experience of such human kindness. It was unaltered. His brown eyes were wide, as he makes sure to wipe away every teardrop. He acted like her skin was something extraordinary. _

"_You won't leave me?" Carla says, "You won't leave me like Robert did."_

"_Never," he utters winking at her, "I'll always protect you Caroline," and then hesitating for a moment as his hands caress her cheek he adds, "But you have to let me. Will you let me?"_

_Carla doesn't even think, her tears have calmed and she nods her head feeling much better. Then she sees a different sort look come over his features and it made her confused again. She did not like when he looked at her like that, but perhaps he didn't mean to. Perhaps she was reading into it all a bit much. He wasn't her uncle because he was nice._

_He is all smiles at Carla's response and tucking his handkerchief away he grabs her by both shoulders pulling her from the bench so that she is kneeling in front him and looking into his eyes._

"_I can only protect you if you let me. I'll never leave but you have to do something for me first."_

"_What?"_

"_Swear yourself to me," he whispers._

_Carla is confused by exactly this means, but because she trusts that he will always be there to listen to her she feels obligated to say yes. She didn't want to lose these afternoons spent playing the piano and talking about her family with someone who wouldn't judge her._

"_Yes?" he says nodding his head and coaching for her to follow his lead._

_Carla nods her head slowly with his and a faint smile enters his lips. All the sudden Carla feels a chill, like perhaps she has made the wrong choice. But just as quickly as the strange frightening look crossed over his features it went away. There is a deafening silence between them for a time. He reaches for her dark hair and tucks it behind her ear. Carla's eyes dart to the floor again feel like he is crossing another boundary but also feel immature for reading into everything._

"_You don't know how beautiful you are," he whispers, "You're much too beautiful."_

_Carla looks up into his eyes again unsure of what to say. _

"_When someone pays you a compliment, the least you can do is say, thank you."_

"_Thank you," Carla whispers now feeling like it is time to leave._

_There is another long silence as he caresses her cheek yet again._

"_Caroline," he whispers pulling her in for another hug._

"_Yes?" she says unsure of how to interpret this hug like all of his hugs._

"_I'm afraid I'm going to want a little more than a thank you."_

"_Okay," Carla says meekly._

_He looks at her again cupping her chin in his hand he moves to kiss her._

"_Doctor Foster—" says a confused Carla, "What are you doing?" She starts to panic._

_But he ignores her kissing her on the mouth, forcing his tongue inside. She wants to tell him to stop and ask him why he is doing this to her. But she just shuts down and goes immobile as he pulls her onto his lap and then violates her. She cries and cries but it only makes him more forceful. It only makes her cry some more and he pulls out that handkerchief again after he is done, acting like he hasn't done something wrong._

"_You must stop crying Caroline. It's perfectly normal what we've done. You shouldn't be ashamed. You're a beautiful girl..I couldn't help it with that lovely face."_

_It was disgusting how he tries to justify himself to make it seem like she had provoked him to this act. He tries to touch her, but his touch just isn't the same it makes her feel dirty and she flinches. In that moment Carla realized how the meaning of words began to change. How simple actions, like wiping away tears with a handkerchief had new meaning. He looks angry at her rejection of him, refusing to see that he has done something completely monstrous his brown eyes now cold as he grabs her by the arm and makes her look at him. Carla wonders how long that monster has been sleeping inside of him, how long it has been etching to get out. He cupped her chin roughly and glaring at her says,_

"_Remember you swore yourself to me…"_

"You remember, don't you?" says the doctor leering at Carla as she comes back to the present, "You must remember."

Carla shudders just feeling even dirtier as Frank puts his handkerchief away and rises to his feet.

"You might want to wash your mouth out," he says smirking as he walks over to Antony's drinks cabinet and retrieves a bottle of cognac and two glasses, "Will you be joining me?" he smirks casually back in Carla's direction.

"Not in a million years!"

"You should feel very brave right now, sacrificing yourself so Giulia wouldn't have to endure that. You might have to do it more often—"

"If you dare put a hand on her, I'll kill you! Alasdair will kill you!"

" Well if she's anything like her mother—"

"I will kill you with my own two hands," Carla says shoving herself off the wall. She would die before she let Frank Foster but his hands on her innocent daughter.

Frank ignores her pouring the two glasses and saying, "So about those documents?" he raises his face staring her directly in the eye, "I am thinking I wouldn't be too far of guess to venture they have something to do with the Connor families shipping business. Am I in anyway incorrect?"

How could he possibly know this? Carla can't hide her panicking and he smirks at her his eyes lingering on her tremors, which are starting to come back again.

"I take that as yes," he says now walking towards her with the two glasses in hand and offering one to her.

Carla does not accept his offer and stands frozen in her spot. How the hell did he know? Did this mean Antony knew something as well? How much did he know? Carla felt she could just flat out deny everything, but she figured it best to keep her mouth shut and find out what Frank knew.

"Oh don't be so doom and gloom Caroline," he says biting back laughter at her rejection of the drink, "It doesn't take all the tea in China to figure out this snooping around has something to do with your precious little Liam. He was looking all-smug at his fathers home today. I thought he'd be so depressed."

"He's over me," says Carla lying, "He utterly hates me."

"He hates you?" says Frank in a mocking tone; "He utterly hates you now, does he?"

The doctor now takes a deep sip of his cognac before he beings to slowly circle Carla who is rooted still in the same spot. Carla looks straight ahead willing herself to be as strong as she can for Liam, she will never confess their plan.

The doctor stops behind Carla leaning over her shoulder and behind her neck he whispers in her ear, "Strange then isn't it? Why would you be looking for any documents on his behalf?"

"I never said I was," Carla spat, "You arrived at that conclusion all on your own. This has nothing to do with Liam."

"What are you looking for then?" says Frank still not buying it.

"None of your business! Go to hell!"

"I guess I'll have to tell Alasdair and Antony then," says Frank tutting her for her behavior, "I don't imagine they'll be too happy with you. They'll surely want you out of this Palace and away from Giulia forever…then how will you protect her from me?"

Carla's face goes white at this possibility of Frank having access to his daughter for any amount of time. She felt ready to throw up. But surely Giulia would be safe under Alasdair's protection, but then again he seemed to trust Frank a great deal.

"That's what I thought," Frank says, "So just between us _friends_, what are you up to? What is your game?"

"Nothing."

"Try that again."

"I was looking for documents needed in order to file for divorce."

"You forget I was in Cairo. I know that Alasdair specifically asked that if you wished to be free of Antony, Liam would have to be the one to ask. No-other-options."

"It's kind of difficult," Carla says growing more and more uneasy, "It' s kind of difficult for Liam to do that, when he has left me."

"Hmmm," says the Doctor beginning to circle her again like a vulture circles a dead carcass or hunts prey. He bits down on his bottom lip, his hands behind his back as he interrogates her further, "Has he?"

"Has he what?" says Carla knowing where this is going.

"Has he truly left you, Liam?"

"Yes," says Carla almost too quickly trying to recover she says, "Of course he has. He is tried of Antony always having some control over me. He won't do it anymore and I can't blame him. I am the best person to live with…thanks to monsters like you- I realized I have make some changes and the only way I can do that is to free myself from Antony once and for all."

"Alasdair wouldn't be too happy to hear that. He clings to the idea of you and Antony reuniting and giving Giulia the home he has wanted for her. He won't be very happy at all."

'You won't tell him then."

"Then I suggest, you tell me the truth, for real this time. You and Liam are still together aren't you? I saw it in his eyes, the way he looked me when I made reference of you today…his concern for Giulia…those little threats."

"That doesn't prove anything," says Carla, "Only that he is nursing a broken heart."

"I thought it was him that broke your heart?" Frank raises his eyebrows; "You might want to get your story straight darling because it is showing a lot of cracks."

"We broke each other's hearts then!"

"Even if I believed you, which I don't, but if even if I did; I'd still say you were looking for documents for Liam."

"And why would you say that?" Carla musters.

"Because you're so desperate to be loved and liked," he snarls, "You'd do anything to make him happy, so that he'd take you back," he lets it sink it having caught his prey finally before adding, "Remind me again what caused the fight? That bootlegger Peter Barlow, right?"

"Yes," says Carla, "He caused the fight and so what?"

"So how many times has it been now that Liam has caught you in the arms of another man? I'm sure you professed your love a great deal but he just wasn't buying it. I mean who would Caroline; you've perfected the role of seductress quite well. So you concocted a plan to get back into his good graces, didn't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You concocted a plan to steal some documents on his father's shares to get back into Liam's good books. It makes perfect sense. I mean it's no secret Fionnbharth Connor has practically given your husband Antony as equal a stake in his company as he has given to his own sons Paul and Liam."

Carla is stunned. How could he possibly know all of this? Antony was very secretive when it came to his plans.

"And just how do you know all of this?" Carla bites

"I own shares Caroline. I attend the board meetings monthly in London. I've watched from the beginning as Antony slowly crept his way up to getting more shares. He's quite the suck up when he needs to be."

Carla was astounded how right Frank managed to be about what she was after. This could go one of two ways and Carla remembers Liam's advice. This plan could only work if they allowed all the players to believe they were invincible and the only smart people around. So she'd make him believe his theory was completely right while in reality it was only half right.

"It's Liam's rightful share. Antony has no business in taking that money when he already has Alasdair's money," Carla says relenting and playing up the game.

"Oh I know," says Frank, "The other board members are starting to lose their patience with him. They want him out and so do I."

This was a surprise to Carla. She had always had the opinion that Frank was completely loyal to the Gordon name. It turns out he was not, he wanted a piece of the profits from Antony's scheming.

"Don't look so surprised Caroline. You should know by now that this world is every man for themselves. The Gordon name is fine and all, but damn Antony is the one who convinced me to invest in the Connor family's old shipping business. He said the profits were numerous but it seems like it is mostly him who reaps the benefits. I want my piece."

"Good for you," says Carla, "Liam wants his too."

"I know."

"I did what you wanted," Carla says regaining some of her power and strength, "So now you won't tell Alasdair or Antony about me rummaging through this office."

"You need the documents still don't you?" Antony says smirking at her, "Go on, you don't have to pretend with me Caroline."

" Fine, I want them."

" Well you were looking in all the wrong places."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Antony didn't hide the documents in here."

"How would you know that?" Carla glares at him disgusted by his gloating.

"That's the funny thing about being a doctor, Caroline. People begin to trust you with their lives as much as they do the parish priest. You become their little confidant, they bring you along when they need someone to witness things. It's like they've never heard of lawyers."

"Get to the point."

"Alasdair insisted that I come along to Cairo to witness you hand Giulia over to him, that and to administer some calming medication. Well Antony also likes for me to bear to witness to some things as well. He took me into Giulia's room one day—"

Carla shudders again, thinking that this monster has step foot into her baby's bedroom.

"Don't worry Caroline, your precious Giulia wasn't in there. She was probably still in New York anticipating her grandfathers visit, while you were busy gallivanting all over Cairo with your former lover. Antony took this opportunity in his father's absence to grab a whole bunch of documents and beckon me upstairs with him. Taking one piece of paper from the pile, he waved it in front my face and said that it was his security for the future. Naturally my eyes took in the information and it was all pertaining to the transfer of Liam Connor's company shares over to Antony, sanctioned by Fionnbharth himself."

Carla listened intently trying to gather as much information as she could. She would have to tell this all to Liam later.

"What did he do with the paper? Did he hide it in Giulia's room?"

"Bingo! It's in a place where Alasdair could never happen upon it. And the old man gets so angry about Antony locking his cabinet doors, it makes him feel like Antony has something to hide."

Carla didn't blame Alasdair as Antony always had something to hide.

"Why put in Giulia's room?"

"Because Alasdair would never go in there. He thinks it improper for a man to venture into a young ladies room or even a girls room ever. His Giulia is the apple of his eye, her innocence as fine as jewels, she needs to be protected."

"I'm going up there then," says Carla because she really wasn't going to leave this place empty handed after all she had endured tonight.

It frightened her how truly unaffected she was by the mere fact Frank had just assaulted her. It had happened to her so many times now; perhaps she just didn't know how to react to it anymore. Perhaps she was just so used to it and it wasn't right but it was the truth. How else could she explain her ability to have normal conversations with men like Antony or the Doctor when they have both violated her beyond measure? It was like she had accepted her father's words about what to expect in a husband and men general, although it was in all evident in her actions, even though she rejected it in her mind.

"That's why I told you, so that you will. And you're very welcome."

"I am not thanking you for anything!"

"You ought to rethink that. Remember I can very well expose your snooping but out the goodness of my heart I have decided to protect your interests."

"How is forcing yourself on someone protecting them?"

"You and I will never see eye to eye on that. You seem to think that you were an innocent, but you weren't when I first had you. You always seem to enjoy it."

"I didn't and you know it!"

"Never mind that victim stance," he says losing his temper, "I'm helping you so that you'll help me in return. Once you manage to get that information on that sheet to your precious little Liam, you might want to put in a good word for me. Let him know who helped him get that valuable information."

"I'll do no such thing!"

"Oh you will. I have all the information and insight he'll need if he wants to take down his little enemy Antony Gordon once and for all. You can't get that information without my help, believe me Antony is watching you like a hawk. But no one ever watches me because they have no reason not to trust me. Come on Caroline, you know I'm right."

"I will only take information," says Carla realizing that she is making a deal with the devil but that it may necessary in getting Liam his rightful shares back. She wanted him to be happy and in his families good graces once more, "But if I need you. I will only meet you here and I'll be the one to set up the meetings."

" Covering all your spots, making sure you're well protected? Is that a yes then?" says Frank now gripping her arms and like history repeating itself all over again he nods his head coaching her to do the same.

Carla hesitates for a moment, the feelings she had when she was fourteen surfacing again. She knows she can't trust him, he raped and abused her as young girl and somehow he had managed to do the same tonight. But she wants to think of the way things can be in the future, when she can leave it all behind and finally just be with Liam and for good in their own endless paradise. So she nods her head, yes.

"Good girl," Frank whispers cocking his head to the side his brown eyes leering at her full of lust once again as he takes her all in. He makes no attempts to hide that he is undressing her with his eyes.

Carla finally turns away from him, trying to calm herself. She had just made a deal with her rapist and she was no fool to think history wouldn't repeat itself. She would just have to make sure to stay away from him as much as possible and only use him when it was the last resort. She remembers Liam said he would hire a P.I. to watch over her, in case Antony tried to kill her by surprise. The suggestion was welcome now, because she would need protection from the Doctor. But still she didn't want Liam involved with this man in anyway and has it in her mind to tell Liam she doesn't need protection and she'll be fine.

Smoothing out her dress and gathering her thoughts she knew that all she had to do was get to Giulia room and find the paper. She turns around glaring at him again.

"Where exactly is it? The paper?"

"Hidden in a chest amongst old dolls Giulia never plays with. She never can again, now that she is to be married."

Carla ignores his last remark but inside her head she is smiling. Antony really thought he was so clever and no one would ever be able to match his cleverness. Liam was right; this trait would truly be Antony's undoing.

"Shall we celebrate our unlikely partnership? Would you like a drink?"

"Never with you, " says Carla heading for the door and turning to unlock it when she feels the yank of her arm.

He pulls her close into him by the waist and steadies her against any attempts to fight him, "Now," he whispers, "Lets make one thing very clear Caroline, I'm protecting you. The least you can do is say thank you. But I'm afraid even thank you won't cut it. So the next time I see you darling, I'll want a little more appreciation; a little something more if you get my drift."

He yanks Carla's head so she is staring directly into those dark soulless eyes. She is trying her best not to emote. This bastard would have her do those disgusting things with him every time they met. It wasn't going to happen. He was truly depraved.

"Do you understand?"

She nods her head, her neck throbbing in pain from such a position.

"Good girl," he says releasing her and throwing her forward in almost a gentle fashion, "I think we understand each other perfectly, we always have though. You remember the day at the piano how things changed for both of us then."

Carla doesn't say anything. This man was truly sick if he is trying to claim he fell in love with her, a fourteen-year-old patient of his. She truly wondered if his wife knew about this evil behavior. Carla hoped for her sake, the lady did not. She quickly throws the latch of the door unlocking it and turning the door open. She can hear voices from the sitting room, laughter and happiness, and the piano… that song twilight and mist.

She looks back at him because she knows he has heard it too. It makes her feel ill, that Giulia is playing song. It makes her feel ill that she has adored that song for as long as she has when it represented some of the sickest moments of her life. Carla had blocked those moments out far too long. She had played it for the doctor, for Antony when they had just become engaged and for Liam in New York. Liam was only good memory behind that song.

She just found it ironic how Giulia must be playing it for Trevor on the occasion of there engagement. Carla still can't believe her daughter is engaged and to a man Carla has kissed first. How old was Trevor Dean, Carla thought. From all the gossip Maria has shared Alasdair had planned to have the engagement between his Giulia and his business partners youngest son who was twenty. Conrad and Vivian had referred to Trevor as there eldest, so what had happened to the younger son to now make Trevor the front-runner? She would have to find this all out in good time and protect Giulia's interests.

Carla steps out into the opening, but Frank has one last thing to say.

"Oh and Caroline-"

"What?" she says trying to control her emotions as she glares at him one last time.

"You'll be sure not to say anything about us to Liam, won't you," his look is stern as well as smug.

Carla inclines her head. She wasn't exactly going to tell Liam, if she did he'd be arrested for murdering this man. She'd always keep him from harms way and away from the ugliness. She had to, because he was the only pure thing in her life. He kept her sane. He wanted to protect him from all the evil in this world.

He smiles now, "Oh so sad. The secrets we have to keep to save our own souls and the souls of everyone we love. But you're a strong girl... you can do it."

Carla flings the door open at an alarming rate stomping down the hall and past the sitting room where she see Giulia playing at the piano as Trevor stands smiling an encouraging her at the insistence of all the elders. He glances up upon sensing her presence spying on them. And Carla can see in the way he is looking at her, that he wants it to be her in the room with him instead. It is infuriating, because Carla never wanted any of this. They hold each others eyes for what seems an eternity, trying to test one another and see who has the courage to look away first. It is Carla who finally breaks it, turning away quickly not wanting to inspire any deeper feelings between them.

She carries on further down the hall cursing that doctor's every being, everyone apart of this world she cursed. As she flounced towards the grand staircase she wishes Frank dead a thousand times over, that he will get his day of horrible reckoning, that all of them would. She swore to herself as she made it to Giulia's room and pushed open the door that before this year done she would look down upon Frank Foster's corpse and smile.


	86. Chapter 86

"That's a nice chest," says Michelle peering over Liam's shoulder.

Liam was sitting in his room with a box laid out on the table in front of him and letters strewn all over the place.

"Thank you," he murmurs collecting up his letters and starting to place them inside.

"What's it for?" says Michelle pulling up a chair to sit beside him.

"For Cillian," Liam says glancing at her and elaborating further adds, "For when he's older. I want him to know when he is older what type of man his father was. That no matter what he was loved and will always be loved. I want to get it right, do things different, you know?"

"Different from mother and father, you mean?"

"Exactly," Liam whispers sharing a look with his sister before turning his attention back to the pile.

"Well what are these?" Michelle says motioning to the letters and picking a few up to examine them.

"Just letters I wrote to let him know that I love him."

Michelle looked ready to just about cry. The past few days had seemed to take a toll on her. With the stress of Liam depending on her help so greatly for his plot as well as trying to look after Paul, she looked just about ready to break down. She pulls out a handkerchief dabbing at her eyes before reaching out to grab one. But Liam puts his hand down on hers to stop this action.

"Sorry," he says giving her a sympathetic look, "They're for his eyes only. I wrote a lot of them when I was away in Morocco and they are truly from the heart. They're meant to be a side of his father that only he knows.

"Oh I'm sorry," says Michelle putting away her handkerchief, "I understand, sorry."

"It's no problem," says Liam now grabbing for his journal and placing it in the box first before grabbing the letters and putting them into a neat pile.

"Father is downstairs with Paul at the moment. Margaret's parents are apparently demanding her body be given to them for burial and our brother has truly lost his mind. Father is growing so impatient and insensitive, I am truly disgusted."

"I'll come shortly," says Liam now grabbing for a piece of string and tying the letters together.

"No need," says Michelle, "Father has already called upon Antony Gordon to come along and see what he can do for our dear Paul."

"Really?" says Liam glancing up at his sister, "Why not call upon Doctor Foster instead?"

"Paul apparently doesn't like him all that much. Quite frankly I think most people are uneasy about that man, except father of course."

Liam smiles a little. It was reassuring that both his siblings got such a bad vibe when it came to the doctor. Still he was annoyed that Antony was coming over, the whole point of his plan was to keep Antony away from his father and out of Paul's good graces.

"Any word from Maria yet?" Liam says wanting to know Carla's progress.

Liam and Carla were communicating through Maria and Michelle getting updates on one another respectively.

"Yes," says Michelle, "Maria went to drop off Carla's luggage this morning. She has decided to stay at the Palace and apparently Alasdair is said to be thrilled, although Antony if rumors are true is said be the opposite."

"Hmmm," says Liam smirking to himself. He was proud of Carla for getting back inside of Alasdair's good graces so quickly, "Has she found the documents?"

A light bulb seems to go off in Michelle's head as she quickly pats around her person retrieving a letter from under her shawl and hands it to her brother.

"Thomas and I had tea this morning with Fiona, John, and Kirk. Kirk just happened to bring along his sister visiting from the country," she grins at Liam, "What are the odds."

"Indeed," says Liam excitedly holding out his hand, "Give it here then."

"Oh Maria said our Carla was such a sad wreck over you breaking her heart," Michelle winks, "She didn't want to let go of any human affection as Maria dropped her luggage this morning. Apparently she held on for dear life. Perfect opportunity to slip the letter and give Alasdair and Antony a show."

"Yes, my Carla is a smart one. I bet Fiona held on to every word of that story."

"Oh you better believe it. She could scarcely pretend to be horrified and no doubt will be spilling the beans to out Phillipa soon enough," says Michelle laughing, "Which reminds me, Phillipa will be coming back from the city in a day or two. She was visiting the parents and running around with her vile friend Tracey Barlow come nights."

"She probably already knows about the fight then," says Liam again smirking as he thought of Peter Barlow, "God knows the Barlow siblings can't wait to slander my name."

"What is her problem with you anyways?"

Liam is now closing up the box having place all the letters and journals inside.

"Jealousy," says Liam glancing at Michelle.

"Whatever for though?"

"It's so obvious the way that bootlegger is in love with Carla. He's just jealous that I met her first and that she loves me and not him. He'll try and rub it in my face how he was there for Cillian, acting like it makes him the better man. But I'll tell you one thing sister, that if I had known about Cillian in 1920 I would have been there from the start."

"Well can't you do something?" says Michelle watching as Liam quickly scribbles something onto a piece of paper and attaches it to the box.

"I'm not going to encourage him. Fact remains I am still Cillian's father and I am still the one Carla loves. Even when she didn't know it was an act, she ran after me. That counts for something. He tried to say some silly crap; like that I gave her up. I did not give her to anybody and I most especially never gave her to him. Like I said he is pathetic."

"Really?" says Michelle now glaring just as a show of loyalty to her brother, "He'd better watch himself. How dare he try to replace you as Cillian's father."

"It's pathetic, I know. But he isn't worth a thought. If he ever tries anything like that with Carla or Cillian again then he's gonna get what he deserves."

"Perhaps Paul can help you in that regard and Thomas—"

'I'll take him by myself sis. Wouldn't want him running to Carla and saying it wasn't a fair fight. He'd do anything to get into her arms. Plus it will put him in his place thinking I'm a pretty boy who can't throw a decent punch."

"I'd hope Carla would reject such advances," says Michelle, "I hope she would end the friendship then. She should now actually, the way Peter thinks of you is bound to affect things in the future. If you guys are ever going to survive, then you must cut out all negative influences."

Liam knew this was exactly what he wanted. The time would have to come when Peter must be removed from their lives. He was too negative an influence. Liam found the guy to be jealous and hateful that he would surely try and steal Carla away if given the chance. He'd have to make it clear to Carla that he would wish her to have anymore of a friendship with that Peter Barlow ever again. Since she found out the whole fight was an act, Liam could tell she was aching to perhaps make things right with Peter and perhaps also that she couldn't wait to confess how she could never stay made at Peter for too long. Liam would be a fool to say it didn't bother him that Peter had been there for the first five years of Cillian's life or that he had been such a great help to Carla in her initial stages living in New York. But he wanted to make things clear, that he was going to be the one to take care of her and Cillian from now on and their unborn child. Peter would have to stay the hell out it all.

"Don't worry Michelle. I rarely put my foot down on most things with Carla, but I will most definitely put my foot down about this."

"Good," says Michelle and then remembering else says, "Did you set up a meeting with that P.I. yet?"

"I sent a telegram to Cairo. It should get there soon enough and he'll come to England immediately because I'll pay him well."

"Isn't he like some shady ex-pat? I heard he doesn't like England much anymore and I believe it's because he has something to hide from Scotland Yard."

"Probably," says Liam shrugging his shoulders. In his opinion the more unsavory the man the better because it was useful when it came to playing dirty with the Gordon's.

"And that sort of activity does not offend you?"

"I am not sure the nature of his activities. But he knows bootleggers and Marxists, so I guess it isn't exactly becoming of him."

"No it is not! If father knew—"

"Well doesn't know and you will never tell him."

"Of course I won't."

"Well good," says Liam rising up from the chair and grabbing the sealed box with the note attached and walking over to the wardrobe.

He hadn't yet told Michelle of his plans to have Bentley Wise arrange a hit on Aidan Moran and Antony. He hadn't even told Carla the final stage of the plan. Right now he only he would only give it to her stage by stage in order to decrease her nervousness and ensure he kept her as innocent as possible. She didn't need to know about any murders he planned for her uncle and husband. They didn't deserve a second thought from her beautiful soul.

"Should we not be going back downstairs?"

Liam puts the box on the floor in the far corner hiding it from view of the housekeepers.

"I suppose so. Paul will be needing us won't he?"

Liam can't believe how horrible Margaret's parents were being at the moment. Paul had just gotten some sense of peace and they were making outrageous demands. He'd be there for his brother in any possible way and he would have to really assert his show of loyalty. He had to win over his father's loyalty. He is getting ready to follow his now rising sister out of the room when he spots the letter from Carla he had not yet opened. Grabbing it hastily to protect from view he opens it quickly anticipating what develops he will read. He just hoped she was okay and that her stay in the palace wasn't to dreadful. If it ever got to the point of being unbearable Liam would come for his darling right away.

He ripped the letter open unfolding it quickly and smiled.

_Meet me at the Hyphen_

Liam was so proud of her she had finished the first part so quickly. Now it was time for him to do what he could to gain his fathers trust once and for all and he had the perfect idea. Perhaps it was well that Antony was coming over after all, now all he needed was to find his son Cillian.


	87. Chapter 87

Carla didn't really sleep her first night back at the palace. She tossed and turned letting her emotions take her elsewhere while at the same time trying to fight all the dark places they would lead her. It left her drained and in a state of perpetual torture. But she tried to focus on the good, the fact that she had gotten the document for Liam.

Still it came at a price and Carla felt like she was a common whore. The doctor obviously had it in mind to take advantage of her desperate situation and she resented the fact that he was once again the holder of all the power. She resented that he had to the upper hand and once again it was her that stood to lose everything if she told the secret. It was just a repeat of Uncle Aidan, she had lost everything for her family by telling truth about him and her father never let her forget it. He had reminded her everyday of all the generosity withheld by her Auntie Barbara because of Carla's mouth. She had been made to feel damned to hell, but it really wasn't bad what she had done. Carla only told the truth, but apparently the truth meant very little just as it does now. After all the truth is only what those holding power made it. No one ever cared about what she wanted. Except Liam, he cared more than anyone about her happiness.

Carla has an urge to be with her daughter, to wrap her arms around her little baby and protect her from using a chess piece to bended and moved to will of father and grandfather. No child would be able to come out of the struggle unscathed and Carla needed to ensure that Giulia did not lose her willful nature. She didn't want her daughter to lose sight of the person she could be, and that greater world which existed beyond these palace walls. The walls couldn't stand forever and neither could this way of being, living, and the society life in general. Carla had seen it for herself in America how most people were just walking through the streets letting life pass them by and passing life itself on to new adventures and ideas everyday. The women weren't all so confined and sometimes just walking the New York streets Carla got the feeling that there would always be someone to meet, that could show you a different way of being and experiencing things. Carla couldn't help but feeling as though she has failed Giulia in this regard. She had tried to show her what was beyond all the frilly dresses and prissy ladies. But Giulia rejected it, she hung dangerously to the past, set in her ways about how things should be; the natural order of things. But there was nothing natural about being controlled.

Carla gets off of the bed she assumes one of Antony's servants had strewn her upon the previous night. Having sleep a bit before one of them came into to alert her that Maria was out front waiting with luggage. Carla put on the performance of a lifetime. Maria was an excellent partner, they held onto one another like there was no other human in the world. Carla sobbed uncontrollably over Liam and it certainly got the servants talking and few alarmed looks from Alasdair's direction. He was sure to mention such a scene to Antony. It was then that Carla slipped the note into Maria's hand with her and Liam's special code scribbled down on it to indicate she had completed her part of the first step and would like to meet. She had so much to say about the angry shareholders at Liam's fathers company and was sure he'd put it all to good use. When the crying was over and the letter safely tucked away under Maria's coat, Carla dragged herself back upstairs to sleep again under the pretense of a broken heart. Alasdair obviously thrilled she was here to stay with Giulia quickly obliged.

Now Carla was up again for a second time trying to adjust to the fact that she back behind these walls again and that the Doctor assaulted her yet again. She tries to adjust her mind to the fact that her only daughter Giulia is to be engaged and to Trevor Dean of all people. She wished that this news out of everything else were dream. But Carla knows it isn't and as she drags her feet down the hallway towards Giulia's room she has in mind to have a heart to heart with her daughter. She doesn't know what she is going to say exactly but she has to give her some comfort, to let her know everything would be okay. Carla would save her from such a fate.

Carla stops at her daughter's door. It is opened just a crack and from Carla's view she can see Giulia standing in front of a full length mirror in a simple green dress with thick straps. Servants prodded at it, trying to adjust it or fix it when pins. Giulia truly looked lovely as she examined herself in the mirror turning to examine her figure in the dress. She reminded Carla so much of herself at that age, Giulia truly was her double. Carla was about to make her presence known when another girl with dark brown eyes and a tan complexion comes into view. Also standing in front of the mirror she is beaming at Giulia and holding an array of butterfly combs holding them up to Giulia hair and biting her lips trying to decide which ones look better.

"That's Tina McIntyre, in case you were wondering," says Alasdair's voice from behind her.

Carla jumps around immediately. She wondered just how long he had been standing watching her. She says nothing to him glancing back and watching Tina whisper something in Giulia ear and the two girls proceeding to giggle.

"She is but seventeen and pregnant," Alasdair murmurs stepping next to Carla and observing the scene as well, "I doubt the child is Antony's. Only God knows where exactly he found her. But I've been doing some digging."

"Why am I not surprised," says Carla raising her eyebrows. Carla only wished she could be more scathing in her remarks towards this man. But alas Liam's plot required her to be on her best behavior.

Alasdair ignores her remark continuing on in a whisper, "Apparently she's from the inner city. Ran away from home at fifteen from an abusive grandmother. May or may have not worked at a pleasure house, I'm not quite sure about that yet. But I do know she came across some lad from childhood by the name of Tommy Duckworth. Had in her mind to marry him until he ditched at last minute and some how my Antony came upon her and took pity. He's always been a sucker from the tortured dark haired sorts. Just like you."

"She's nothing like me," Carla snaps. She doesn't understand why she had so much bitterness in her heart right then. Perhaps she was jealous to see Giulia bonding so well with Tina when she had given so much adamant hatred towards Liam.

Why was it okay for Antony to move on but not she? Why was Giulia delighted in her father's newfound happiness but so against Carla having any happiness? It wasn't fair. Antony didn't deserve Giulia's well wishes but he had her adoration. She looked at him through color-coated lenses refusing to see all that was bad, the monster in him. Again the truth was what he made it, and Antony always seemed to win.

"Giulia adores the harlot," Alasdair says, "Warmed up to her rather quickly. But of course she would, wouldn't she? Her mother had just abandoned her in Cairo. She latched onto the closest mother figure she could find."

"You will remind me of that constantly," says Carla through clenched teeth, "You never cease to remind me of that shameful moment in my history."

" It could worse Caroline. I'm reminded of Antony's mothers selfish act everyday. She's the saint even though she's the one who decided to jump off the balcony. And yet I still get blamed. You'd think it'd be enough to still she the image of her strewn about in a pool blood every time I look out onto the balcony. But for Antony that simply isn't enough."

Carla says nothing she wasn't going to let her guard down and feel sorry for Alasdair. In her opinion he bought all these horrible things on himself. It was his fault that Antony was heartless, because you only what you know and all Antony had ever known were hatred and contempt. Perhaps Carla didn't know the whole story, but she knew this much; that Alasdair had a choice. He liked to throw that in her face, but it was just as true for him. He could broken the cycle and the struggle that existed in these walls since it's incarnation; the struggle between the dreamer son and the idealist father. He could have been different from his own father and taught his son something new; but he chose to be like all others before him and it was really coming back to haunt his soul. These walls can't hold such hatred forever; this place would have to fall. Carla wishes she could say all of this to him, but it would have to wait. One day she would tell him and everyone how she truly felt about them.

She turns away from the door crack because the sight of Tina and Giulia laughing and smiling lost in girl like bliss is too much to handle. She felt like a piece of her was being ripped away, and that she never have that close relationship with her daughter she so badly wanted. It hurt more then any other pain in the world right now. It was breaking through her heart and making her acknowledge other things that she wanted to keep numb, like Frank's attack on her the night previous.

"Doesn't our Giulia look stunning?" says Alasdair his eyes still peering in, "She looks just as beautiful as her mother."

Carla inclines her head figuring this must be his version of an olive branch. But she will never trust him, no matter how genuine the emotion. He had tricked once already.

"Sir," she says curtly and begins to walk away.

He adds, "I am truly happy you have decided to return to paradise, if only for a while, it still means a lot to Giulia and to me. I remember how much you like to paint; I've had the servants set up an easel in the garden near the apple trees. They've poured fresh cider—"

"—From the trees in the Palace," Carla now whispers remembering how she planted those very trees. It was her mark upon the Palace. And she had so proudly served cider to her Martha on visits.

Antony had told her once how every generation left there mark on Paradise Palace and Carla had thought for days about how she leave hers when she finally decided on the apple trees. Antony had greeted her once they were done and said the apple trees fit her perfectly, because she was the forbidden fruit. She had laughed so hard at this because this was early days when they were newlywed and she thought the remark dorky but romantic. But still what he had said had some truth; she had first encountered Liam's advances in the field near the trees the day she had set up her flowerpots to paint. Her uncle and the doctor had treated her like she was forbidden; a little doll for them to abuse and force into keeping their shameful acts silent. She hated thinking about all these things and all the people connected with certain events or objects; it made it confusing trying to figure how she should feel. Just like she didn't know how to feel towards Alasdair right in this moment.

"Why would you do that?" she says cautiously, "Why go through all that trouble to set up an easel and arrangements in the garden for me?"

"Because," says Alasdair again, "I want you to enjoy your stay."

Carla still doesn't believe him. She would never believe a single world he said. But again she nods her head to indicate the opposite and walks past him in the direction of the staircase and then down into the main area of the house making her way to the gardens. As she does so, she searches out the servant's faces. What had happened to Mary and Libby? Carla again is faced with a foreboding feeling regarding those loyal servants. She hoped Antony did not harm them in her absence. She hoped they had developed the courage to escape as well. Libby was too strong a women, she wouldn't back down without a fight, Carla was certain. And this was comforting so she pushed those dreary thoughts away.

Once in the gardens Carla spots her easel and the flower arrangements set up in the exact same place she had them on the day she had met Liam. It sent chills down her spine just thinking about it all over again, the way he had spoken to her and looked at her. How she felt like she would melt under his gaze and touch. As she walks over to the chair and sits down she remembers the way she felt just staring at him for the first time, how she hadn't wanted to think him beautiful with Antony around but she had. He was so nervous and Carla thought it adorable how polite Liam was to her. But the thing was that once she turned away from him and left that room to go and paint, she was perfectly content to leave him behind and forget him. He however wasn't prepared to take that chance and that had made all the difference.

Carla breaks from her trance now sitting in her chair in front of the easel. She had no idea why she was entertaining Alasdair's every whim but she supposed it came with the territory. She'd have to play none the wiser to Antony and Alasdair in terms of manipulation. She had to bend to their wills and make them both feel all-powerful. She picks up the paintbrush her deposition warming up immediately at being able to do something she loves. She has an urge to paint her Liam just like he wanted to be painted before the sphinx. She could dream it all up in her head and surprise him with a portrait. Just the look on his face, would be worth every long hour of spent painting it. He truly inspired her best art, he bought up the beauty buried deep in her soul. Everything was beautiful with him around, which is why she couldn't think about the things that had been done to her in Antony's study last night. She just wanted to paint Liam and focus only on being with him one day where no one could break them apart ever again. But it is too risky to paint him here, so she sighs looking at the flowerpots and begins to mix the paint getting the colors to her liking before she settles down to work. Perhaps she could make something lovely for Giulia and offer it as a starting point in repairing their damaged relationship. Carla didn't really know yet, but she'd work something out.

"That's a beautiful painting," says a familiar voice.

And like history repeating itself with her encounter with Liam in these very gardens it gives Carla a scare and she manages to drop her palette, like she had in June of 1920. Turning around she stares up into those gorgeous blue eyes and tall frame. She hated these strange feelings she got around him, they only made her more confused when she was supposed to only have eyes for Liam.

"Mr. Dean," says Carla gathering herself and rising in a rigid fashion, "Sir, how do you do?"

"Did I frighten you?" he whispers a faint smirk forming on his lips.

Carla was aggravated by this cocky display. Did he really think he could just waltz into this home and behave in such a way with her when he is engaged to her only daughter. She wants to send the message loud and clear that he better leave her alone.

"In order for you to frighten me, you'd actually have to have a concrete place in my world. I'm sorry say you don't exist for me. You're just a ghost, not a man but a shadow and you mean nothing to me to have any affect on me whatsoever."

Carla glares at him hoping the message drives home loud and clear since she will never do anything to hurt Liam again. She expected Trevor to at least look hurt but her statement only made him grin. He truly did think he was irresistible. She wondered how long he would be staying here at the Palace? She'd have to leave soon if she knew what was good for her. Going to move past him and back into the direction of the home she accidently brushes him making contact and there was that electricity again. He had felt it to, Carla could tell as they glance at one another and he quickly grabs her arm pulling her close to him. Carla let out a gasp and he seemed pleased that he has this effect on her. He lowers his head close to ear and whispers

"Funny how I wasn't a ghost the first time we met in Cairo…that kiss."

"That kiss was mistake," says Carla trying her best to be stern.

"Perhaps you can manage few more mistakes then," he says moving her head to stare directly up at him.

Those eyes were truly beautiful and warm as well as kind. But she loved Liam and she didn't understand why things were so confusing, and why her feelings for Liam didn't seem so clear when she was around Trevor. Why did this man she barely knew make her weak in the knees. She hated the fact that he intrigued her, but she wondered if it was because he shared some of Liam's greatest traits and deposition that she was drawn to him. It had to be. He enthralled her only because of his similarities to Liam in personality as well as the blue eyes and brown hair, or so she liked to tell herself.

"In your dreams," says Carla again trying to make a run for it.

Trevor grabs her hand now not releasing it, "It's my reality."

He plays with her fingers admiring them and making Carla's stomach do flip flops as he tries to tempt her. However she has to remain strong and willful. She has to remain true to Liam.

"Whatever it is your thinking, it will never happen. We don't belong together."

He takes in her words considering them for a moment before deciding they are not an option. The way he stares at her Carla can feel his desire to have her. She wishes he would let go of her hand so she can be free of this tempting situation. She yanks it but he is much stronger and she glares back in frustration. He slowly pulls her in closer by the hand, amused at her flustered expression and clearly enjoying the chase and her fiery attitude.

Speaking very slowly and in a matter of fact tone he whispers, "We don't belong together? Is that what you said?"

"Yes," Carla says wishing for this to end of it because it is all truly draining and taking all the strength in the world to not want another kiss from him.

"Lets get one thing straight," he says grinning at her, "The only place you belong is naked in my bed."

Carla is speechless and taken aback by such forwardness and this time she manages to yank her hand free of him trying her best to display absolute disgust and disrespect. But she knows that she is probably blushing and she hates the effect this stranger has on her. No man had ever said anything so forward like that, not even Liam went that far the first time they met Without another word and only thinking of her own safety she rushes towards the Palace. She could hide from him in there she knew that. But she wasn't so sure she could hide from her own thoughts. She wanted to see Liam; she had to see him now so he could remind her of all that is truly real.


	88. Chapter 88

"This won't be the end of it Mr. Connor!"

The doors to the sitting room swung open and Liam was met with haughty and indignant figure of Margaret's father.

"Mr. Devlin," says Liam's father Fionbbharth rushing after the man frantically, "Please show some compassion. I beg you."

"Compassion?" says Margaret's father turning around in a huff and glaring, "What like the compassion your son showed my daughter? GO TO HELL!"

"Father," says Liam asserting his presence, "What is going on?" Liam knew very well what was happening because Michelle had already told him, but he wanted to have an opportunity to show his father some display of affection and concern for the family situation.

Before his father can give an answer, Margaret's father sneers.

"I want my daughters body! I want to bury her at her childhood home and the place where she was most happy. I don't want her to be stuck at the place that made her the most miserable. YOU PEOPLE WERE NO FAMILY!"

"Sir," says Liam trying to diffuse the situation, "Mr. Devlin if you please, let us talk about this like true gentlemen."

"True gentlemen, you say? I don't suppose that is supposed to refer to YOU? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! And that Paul, why did I ever agree to let her marry him!"

Again Liam gives little to no reaction to this outburst. If he was going to win his father over again he would have to do it in the same manner he used to impress his father when closing a business deal. Liam always presented himself as calm and collected and he had the ability to make anyone feel at ease.

"Sir I understand you are upset. This is a tragic period in your life…the death of your only child. I would like to extend my condolences."

"I WILL NOT ACCEPT THEM!"

"See Liam, it is no use," mutters Fionbbharth, "It is like trying to bring Christ to the uncivilized peoples. Bloody waste of time! They don't want to hear about any reason and neither does he."

Liam ignores his father's remark. He can hear Paul sobbing uncontrollably from within the sitting room and the soothing voices of his mother and sister trying to comfort him. Father was not helping the situation. He brings his attention back to Margaret's father staring at him with compassion. He could definitely understand where the man's anger was coming from and wanted to find some way in which to relate to him. He hadn't lost a child so he couldn't say that he knew exactly what the man was going through but he remembers that moment in Cairo when he held Liam in the river Nile swimming back to shore with him; he had prayed for Cillian to be saved. And when he first looked into his sons eyes and knew that the child was his own, the feeling that overcame him was unlike any other feeling in the world. He had come very close to losing that boy and the knowledge of this was indescribable. We are never promised tomorrow.

"Sir," he says again.

His father gives out an exasperated sound glaring at Liam before turning back into the sitting room. Fionbbharrth was indicating that he had washed hands of the situation and couldn't care if Liam wasted his time trying to negotiate. Liam could now here his father snapping at Paul and telling him to act like a man.

"Lorraine," shouts Mr. Devlin glaring into the sitting room, "Come we are leaving at once."

A lady with the same haughty expression as Margaret appeared from the room wearing a mourning veil and dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief choking back tears.

"Mrs. Devlin," says Liam, "I am so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Liam," she says looking at him with surprisingly gentle eyes.

"Come along now Lorraine," says Mr. Devlin holding out his hand for his wife to take. He would surely drag her if she did not follow him.

"Husband," says Mrs. Devlin, "I wish to visit the mausoleum and see my daughter before we go! You know this!"

"AND I TOLD YOU WE WON'T BE SEEING OUR ONLY CHILD UNTIL SHE IS BACK IN OUR FAMILY PLOT WHERE SHE BELONGS!"

"That's your decision not mine!" says Mrs. Devlin holding her ground and glaring at her husband, "I will visit my baby wherever she is! Us women haven't time for the silly power struggles that exist between you self-important men! You are free to leave without me."

"To hell with you then," he says glaring at his wife outraged by yet another slight. And then glaring at Liam he says, "To hell with all of you! Mark my words I will come and dig her up myself so help me GOD! My son in law better pray I don't do worse! He is lucky I haven't put him in the ground!"

He turns on his heel beckoning a nearby servant for his hat and coat and stomping down the hall out of sight. There is a moment of silence as Liam observes Margaret's mother still clutching her handkerchief and sniffing back tears. Poor women he thought to himself. He hoped she did not face her husband's wrath later for such a display of disobedience. But he Liam's heart was completely breaking for her, she had the look only a mother could have trying to come to terms with her child's death.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers her voice shaking, "I'm so sorry you had to witness such behavior."

Liam stares at her trying to will her to look his direction and when she finally does he says, "Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for."

Mrs. Devlin takes in those words like they sting her. Trying to calm her breathing she takes a few shallow breaths before she seems to lose footing and grasps onto the nearest table. Liam in all his gentleman instincts rushes to her aid at once.

"Madame," he says, "Shall I call for someone? Do you need a lay down?"

"No, no," she murmurs, " I just need a moment is all. I'd only like to visit my Margaret for a while."

"Of course," Liam whispers gently patting her arm and steadying her, "I can call for your coat and have the gardener pick some roses. I know Paul always said roses were her favorite."

"Oh would you?" says the lady looking up at him with her big brown eyes. Margaret was her double. They had the exact same face and blonde hair.

"Yes Mrs. Devlin," says Liam reassuringly, "Anything you need I'd be happy to get for you."

"Please," she whispers accepting the genuine warmth coming from his eyes, "Call me Lorraine."

"Alright," says Liam smiling, "Your wish is my command."

"Could you accompany me down to the chapel and mausoleum," she hesitates, "It's just that I really can't handle going all by myself."

"Of course," says Liam and smiling to himself he thinks this is a perfect opportunity show loyalty to Paul, "Let me call for our coats."

In a short time, Liam was escorting Lorraine across his father's estate to the chapel and mausoleum. He watched patiently as she lit some candles and said a few prayers making sure to give her as much space as possible but at the same time letting her know he wouldn't leave her. Finally she rises from her knees ending her prayer and turns around to face him, the chapel illuminated her tears. Liam reached for a handkerchief in his jacket to hand to her. She accepted ever grateful for his kindness. Dabbing her eyes again she tucks the handkerchief away and says,

"Now to see my daughter, sir?"

"Of course," says Liam holding out his arm to escort her, "I shall take you."

She accepts linking her arm in his and they leave the chapel set out for the Connor family plot. Liam hopes the gardener laid out a bouquet of fresh roses like he requested. When they reach the burial area, Lorraine breaks from Liam's arm and goes to the side of her daughter stone tomb. Liam didn't particularly like it in the mausoleum, it was so gloomy and eerie but he had to get into the good graces of Margaret's family in order to stop any fighting over where the body should be buried. His father, Liam knew would be forever grateful if somehow he managed to negotiate peace and end Paul's heartache.

He watches as her fingers trace over her daughters resting place and hears great big sighs escaping her mouth. He waits for her to speak, as he is certain she will have a lot to say. People often got that feeling around him, like they could trust him with anything. Liam had learned through business that it could be very beneficial and he would take full advantage of this trait now. Anything to advance his plot, he rationalized in his head.

"What do suppose our purpose is on this earth?" she says looking up at him.

"I don't know," says Liam sensing that she is asking something she knows no one can give her a satisfactory answer to. He won't make things up just to hear his own voice, "I never really thought about it, but I guess I always think that it is to love and be loved."

She inclines her head a bit adjusting her veil before glancing back down, "I always regretted not having more children. Margaret's father wanted a boy, but I miscarried every other one after her. It all feels so cruel, like God gave her to me on borrowed time."

"I think were all here on borrowed time Madame," says Liam immediately wishing he called her Lorraine like she requested.

"I think you are right. Such a shame for us left behind though, we still can't seem to get things right this time. When you have children, you must try your best Mr. Connor. You must try to get things right. There is nothing more horrible then wondering all the things you could have done differently. I just wish I could've been there to hold her and tell everything was going to be all right, you know? Just sing her to sleep like I did when she baby. I'd sing her on home to the angels."

Liam felt her pain. It was truly a tragic situation for everyone.

"I have a son," Liam whispers hoping to use this as a way connect, "He's six years of age."

"I had no idea. Margaret never said—"

"It wasn't for her to say," Liam interrupts, "I didn't even know about him until last year."

"Well then you must make up for all lost time."

"I will," says Liam, "And I do everyday."

"Good. Guard him with your life and ensure he has every comfort. Learn from your parent's mistakes, and get things right this time. In death, everything becomes so much clearer and looking back you can see everything that went wrong, perhaps you can learn from me."

"I almost lost him," Liam says thinking of Cairo, "I swam out to sea to save him."

There was another long silence as Lorraine Devlin takes in this revelation. She says nothing, her eyes drifting back to stone tomb now encasing her daughter.

"I know you don't think anyone could ever understand all that you are going through right now. And I know your husband's heart is full of so much anger. I get it, I'd be angry with Paul too. With my son—I didn't even know he existed and when did learn I was so angry that his mother had kept him from me. When I held in my arms and he was unconscious, that all went away."

"I don't know if I can forget all that Paul did to my daughter," says Lorraine her voice becoming shaky.

"No one's asking you to forget," Liam whispers walking towards her, "No one's even asking for you to forgive. But what your husband is doing right now, creating all this strife over burial arrangements and threatening to dig up her body in the middle night, it solves nothing. It doesn't change what Margaret did nor does it change what Paul did."

"My husband just wants her body on the family plot where she belongs with all the other Devlin's."

"She became Margaret Connor. She died a Connor. This is where she belongs now and this is where she should stay. Come on," says Liam in one last desperate plea, "Would it really make your husband feel better just to tear her away so Paul can't have her? You and both no that won't bring her back."

She blinks back tears holding his eyes to hers and nodding because she knows he is right, this fighting would solve nothing only cause more heartbreak.

"Did you forgive her?" says Lorraine.

Liam nods his head a solemn yes.

"How could you forgive her?"

"Because," Liam says, "Because like you said, death or the possibility of it has a way of making your eyes open to all the things you could have done differently. I was lucky enough by fate or whatever powers may be to hold my son in my arms that day. To know him and to love him and I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Why ruin the moment being angry. Because when it all comes down to it, the end, you can be mad about the way things all went or you can just let go…you have to let go."

She takes in his words and abruptly nods her head again sniffing back tears and fixing her mourning veil. Liam waits hoping that his speech wasn't too preachy or a cause for any offense.

"Mr. Connor," Lorraine finally utters, "I shall like to go back to your family estate now. There a few things I'd like to say to son in law."

"Of course," and Liam holds out his arm to escort her back.

Once back inside his family home she releases herself from his grasp and heads with great determination towards the sitting room. Liam quickly removes his coat handing it to a servant and pursuing after her. He really hopes this will work. Stopping right in front of the sitting room, Liam observes as Lorraine addresses the whole family but especially his brother Paul.

"I have just been to see my daughter in the Connor family mausoleum," she says.

Liam looks over at his brother. Paul is still in tears. And Michelle is still looking as stressed out as ever trying to console him because clearly neither their mother or father were interested in helping. Fionbbharth stood glaring at Lorraine sipping his cognac while their mother Elleaónra sat with a blank expression on her face. She look over all the commotion and just about ready to go to bed even though it was only afternoon.

"And?" says Fionbbharth impatiently, "What?!"

"Well," says Mrs. Devlin ignoring his harsh tone, "I am going to talk to my husband and see what can be done to stop such discourse between our two families."

"I don't understand?" says Michelle hugging Paul 's head to her chest and rocking him back and forth.

Their mother looked absolutely disgusted with such outright affection.

Lorraine looks directly at Paul now, "Margaret would have wanted to be buried on the Connor Family Estate. We were just being selfish, my husband and I. But it will stop from here on out. I shall talk to him."

"And just how do you know he will agree to stop pestering this family or anything?" Fionbbharth glares.

"I give you my word," says Lorraine unwavering under his gaze and turning back to Paul says, "I swear on my only child's grave. I give you my word."

There was another silence because their father couldn't think of anything else nasty to say and the whole room was in shock. Finally Paul musters up the courage to speak.

"Why are you doing this?" he whispers, "Why are you being so kind? I don't deserve it."

Lorraine glances over her shoulder at Liam before turning back and saying, " Because you can either be mad at the way things went or you can just let go. A wise man beyond his years helped me see it is best to just let go…you have to let go."

Paul's blue eyes widen and the tears immediately stop falling, "Thank you," he whispers, "Thank you Lorraine."

Lorraine is nears tears again but tries her best to maintain a strong and willful voice, "Thank your brother Liam instead. He's the one who convinced me to do what's right."

And with that she turns around walking towards the exit and glancing Liam she says,

"I shall like to meet your miracle boy one day. I hope you will bring him to me in London sometime."

"I shall."

With that they exchange nods and she walks out leaving everyone else flabbergasted.

"What have you done?" Fionbbharth finally manages his demure softening towards Liam at once.

"Nothing," Liam grins, "It was just like a business transaction that needed to done in the best interests of the family and for my brother."

"I'm speechless. You have saved our Paul from any further suffering."

"He's my brother. I will always protect him," responds Liam now holding his fathers stare, "I will always protect our family."

And with that Paul rushes off the couch embracing Liam in a hug.

"Thank you," he says, "Thank you so damn much brother!"

"Not a problem brother."

"You know," whispers Paul in a moment of smiles, "I like calling you brother. I miss it."

"May you never stop it then," says their father now stepping forward and embracing Liam, "It seems you have done a great service for your family."

Liam smiles at his father rare adoration. He is finally winning him over, it was like his fathers old self was coming back.

"We do love our children Helen, don't we?" Fionbbharth says smiling at his wife while she sat with Michelle on the couch.

"To a fault I am afraid," she smiles at him and then a Liam, "Our prodigal son has returned."

"And your grandson," says Michelle rising from the couch and looking past her brothers and father. She is beckoning something or rather someone to come join them.

Liam and Paul both turn around to see a set of vivid blue eyes peaking into the room shyly staring at the scene. Curious as to whether they should interrupt.

"Come here Cillian," says Liam, "Don't be shy."

"Yes," says Paul no longer crying, "Come here nephew."

Cillian extends his whole head into view shyly smiling now at his grandfather and grandmother. He is waiting for their acceptance.

"Cillian," says Fionbbharth his eyes twinkling with affection, "You look so much like your own father did at your age. You're his double. Come here blessed child, let your grandfather give you a hug."

"And your grandmother," says Elleaónra also smiling she kneels down to the level of the child ushering him into her arms.

It was beautiful the way Cillian didn't even give it a second thought as he rushed forward giving both his grandparents a hug and kiss. His mother even laughed, something that causes Liam and Michelle to exchange quick glances. The three siblings went to stand with each other, side by side watching as there father showed Cillian such rare affection, kissing him on both cheeks an a great proudness. It was working; Liam's father was finally warming up to him again. Paul was definitely at his side and he could always depend on Michelle.

He was truly grateful right then and he whispered in his head, "Thank you Margaret. Thank you for all your help today."

The dead had a way of bringing to living together and Margaret had surely helped Liam out today. He was able to appeal to her mother's conscience and make things right between the two families. And even better Paul wouldn't be in need of any medical assistance to calm down. He had calmed down naturally.

"I think we should give thanks," says Elleaónra, "We should give thanks to God for all the blessings he has given are whole family. He has given us little Cillian, let us keep Margaret, and Liam has returned to us. We can be as we were once again."

"As we were," says their father, "To right you are Helen. Everything old can be new again."

These were the words were like magic to Liam's ear. He smiles to himself and from the side his eye sees a figure standing in the doorway observing. He turns his head immediately looking at the horrified and angry face of Antony Gordon. He was pissed.

"Antony," says Fionbbharth noticing him and releasing Cillian at once into Elleaónra's arms, "You've arrived at last. But I'm arrived our Paul is feeling much better now."

"Yes," says Liam taking this opportunity to gloat, "He won't need a single medication to feel better."

"Well that's good," says Antony through grated teeth.

Liam could tell he was just dying to ask what in the name of God was happening in here. It was no doubt his worst nightmare come to life, Liam being accepted back into the Connor fold. And it hadn't even taken that long whereas poor little Antony had to plot and scheme so hard just to get baby results. Liam wished he could laugh in his face, but he knows better then to push this monster.

"Mr. Gordon," says Elleaónra, "I shall hope to see you for our little teas again. You have been neglecting me."

"Well he'll stay tonight," says Fionbbharth, "Won't you, Antony?"

"I don't think that's good idea," Paul to the surprise of everyone even Liam.

"Why is that?" says their father.

"Because," says Paul, "This is a family day. I would like to spend it with my family. I am sure Antony wouldn't mind," he exchanges a look with Liam to indicate he has his brothers feelings in mine.

Liam smiles sincerely touched at how thoughtful Paul has become.

"Of course I don't," says Antony smiling that signature deathly look where his lips were all for it but his eyes as soulless and evil as the devil, "I'm sure it doesn't make me any less near and dear to your families heart."

'Well thank you for understanding, "Michelle pips up.

"Not at all. And besides," he says now staring right at Liam, "All this talk about family makes me think I should be at home…trying to put thinks right with my _own wife_."

That wiped the smirk right off of Liam's face. Antony was as always playing dirty. He was enjoying kicking Liam off of his pedestal.

The Antony's eyes linger on Cillian now and Liam can just see the wheels in his head spinning and plotting something new.

"You know Liam," he says still all smiles, "Caroline is so distraught over that fight. You broke her heart and she tells me you won't her see her own son. Don't you think it a bit cruel?"

Before Liam can respond Michelle comes to his defense.

"You don't know all what Carla did. So perhaps you ought not to comment on the living arrangements of the child."

"Of course of course. I was just merely trying to intercede on poor Caroline's behalf. She may be my estrange wife and all but we still share the bond of a child and I wouldn't dare dream of keeping Giulia from her."

Liam wanted to laugh. Did he forget the five months he exiled Carla to London away from Giulia and Paradise Palace. He had a selective memory.

"I think it best the boy stays with his father," says Fionbbharth exchanging quizzical looks with Antony.

This was probably because Antony was supposed to be anti Carla in all respects.

"Of course your right Mr. Connor," he says smiling, "I should go. Giulia sends her regards and thanks for all the well wishes with the engagement news."

"When can we expect the engagement gala?" says Elleaónra.

"I'm not quite sure yet Mrs. Connor," says Antony talking in that sugary sweet voice.

It made Liam want to vomit.

"But I can assure you, your family will be the first to know."

"Well good day then," says Fionbbharth, "And see you at the share meeting in London next week."

"You can bet on it," says Antony again his eyes hovering over Liam, "I must always keep an eye on my interests."

No doubt that was a masked threat. But Liam wasn't going to be intimidated. He had big victory today. Not only had his darling Carla managed to complete her part of the task and get the documents, but he too had managed to win back his father and brother. Now he'd only had to work on keeping them on his side.

"Father," says Liam pointedly glancing at Antony before wrapping his arm around Paul's shoulder, "I too will be at the share meeting next week in London," and staring back at Antony again he adds, "You can bet on it."

Two could play this game Liam smirked. Antony had better watch himself.


	89. Chapter 89

**I know some readers wanted a liarla love scene so I put one in for this chapter. Hope it is good enough. I also apologize for the long wait with this chapter. I know I had promised it much sooner. As always thanks for the reviews and love on twitter. **

Carla felt like crying tears of joy as soon as Martha led her into the secret hidden room of the Connor family townhouse. She was getting more and more emotional these days just trying to keep everything normal on all fronts. She had to act like she didn't mind being trapped at the Palace again and she had to act like nothing was wrong and that Frank hadn't assaulted her. Most of all she had to constantly play it calm and collected under the gaze of the very tempting Trevor Dean. By the end of the week she was so exhausted and stressed that Carla couldn't wait to just have a chance to unwind and be with Liam. He was the only thing that kept her sane.

"Hello beautiful," she whispers standing in the doorway of the secret room where the haughty but trusty servant Martha had left her.

She admired her Liam for a time as he sat comfortably in a sitting chair just flipping through books completely unaware of her presence. But when he heard her voice his head lifted up immediately and a smile formed on his lips.

"This week couldn't have been any longer," he says jumping from the couch to greet her.

Carla immediately runs into his arms, the only place she feels safe, "God I've missed you."

"I know," Liam says leaning in to give her a gentle kiss, "I've missed you too. I've been worried about you being back at that place—"

"—Everything went fine," Carla cuts him off not wanting to present any opportunity where she may be forced to spill the beans about Frank or her general ill will towards this whole predicament she now found herself in.

"Well good," says Liam, "We can't have you too stressed in case the baby—"

"Liam don't worry," Carla responds, "The baby will be fine. I eat well enough. Alasdair truly thinks the way to my heart is with food at the moment. He makes the servants bring it to me in bed. I never got that sort treatment from Antony."

She watched as he tried to keep his face as normal as possible at the comment and immediately she felt silly. The last thing Liam needed was more reasons to worry about her. And Carla was sure he had concluded that Alasdair must be up to something in order for him to be behaving so kindly towards her and of course Carla agreed. But for now she didn't want to think about Alasdair's plots she wanted to celebrate the success of her and Liam's plotting against Antony. It was hard to beat Antony so they definitely had every reason to be proud.

"Before I forget," says Liam, "Cillian is missing you terribly. It breaks my heart to lie to him but it will all pay off in the end."

"So he is eating well? You're making sure he gets all his fruits and vegetables, all of his meat?"

"Yes," says Liam giving her a look of playful annoyance, "I know what sort of food a child needs to eat Carla."

"I know. I'm just being like a mother all concerned for all her children. He is growing so he needs to eat well."

"Speaking of children, how is Giulia? I heard she's engaged."

Carla struggled with the question. The truth is she hadn't really gotten a proper chance to speak with her daughter all week. She hadn't gotten a chance to see how Giulia was truly feeling and if she was all for this marriage like Alasdair made it appear. Alasdair had taken special care to make sure Giulia was out and about with him all day. He would take her on trips to London or just for tea with the Dean's. Whenever Carla woke in the morning they were already gone and they usually didn't return until the evening. By then Carla only really saw everyone for dinner, but she didn't much like going to those as she felt extremely uncomfortable under the gaze of Trevor Dean and his forward intentions.

"I'm not really sure how she is," Carla finally mutters, "I mean on the outside she looks absolutely happy with not a care in the world. But I think she is being all naïve about the prospect of marriage. She thinks its all charming and lovely."

"I think your daughter is smarter than that. I mean she remembers what your life was like with Antony."

"Correction Liam," says Carla now deciding to sit down on the couch, "She remembers only what she wants to. Sees only what she wants to see. She's as enchanted by the damn place as the day she was born and knew her surroundings. Even that Tina girl is, it's sad the effect that place has on so many women."

"Well it's the only way they can have so much control over people. They have to lure them in somehow. But Giulia, I just—just make sure that Doctor isn't lurking around her."

"Whatever do you mean?" Carla says almost too quickly because Liam stares at her in the familiar way when he did when he suspected she might be hiding something. And Carla had to get rid of those feelings and that look immediately.

She could not afford another accusatory fight or any confrontation that may force her to reveal all that Frank Foster had done to her as girl and his most recent attack. She had to put on the charm, to get his mind onto other things. Any more talk of Giulia could lead to Liam wanting to know questions about who her fiancé was. Carla really couldn't deal with that right now, she could only imagine how much Liam would flip if he found out Giulia was to marry Trevor Dean. That could be very explosive and detrimental to their plans success.

"I just don't have a good feeling about him," Liam says still looking at her like he was trying to read her mind, "I am certain I saw him in Cairo in the lobby of the hotel. You remember, right? At Michel's wedding?"

"What doctor are you talking of," says Carla panicking because she is sure Liam is going to bring up the incident in Cairo and how it had caused her to shut down, "Doctor Foster?"

"What other one is there?"

"Well," says Carla thinking quickly, "There are so many doctors in and out of the Palace these days. Antony's friends from school and what not. Many on medical boards and the like."

"But not Doctor Foster. Antony knows him through you, right?"

"Well yes. He did treat me when I was a child. I hated that place my father kept me. I don't like to remember it."

"What business does he still have being around you today?" Liam says concerned, "And Giulia for that matter."

"Antony doesn't want Giulia to develop hysteria like me. He like to have another doctor observe her," Carla quickly lies, "Oh and they both have similar business ventures, your fathers shipping company for example," this at least was the truth.

"I know," says Liam now joining her on the couch, "Doctor Foster was visiting my father earlier in the week and he made some remark about attending the shareholders meeting in London and same with Antony now that I think about it. But that doctor, I just don't like the way he was talking about you or Giulia. It was very inappropriate. So keep yourself away from him at all times, especially with the baby now inside of you."

"I know," Carla says again feeling like the secrets just kept on piling up and she didn't want to be put into any situation where she'd have to spill them out. She intended to stay away from Frank Foster as much as possible, but she was concerned for Giulia. What sort of things was Frank saying about her? Carla wanted to ask, but again she couldn't afford to bring out any suspicions in Liam. The doctor was truly right when he said she have to keep these secrets in order to save the ones she loved. She couldn't risk Liam doing anything reckless.

"Good," says Liam, "And that reminds me, do you have the documents?"

"Of course I do," says Carla an idea taking root in her head. She had to distract him from the topic of the doctor. Carla was going to deal with Frank in her own time and she didn't need Liam to getting mixed up in it.

"Well give it to me then," Liam says playfully.

Carla discretely reaches into coat retrieving the document and waving it in his face and smirking seductively at him says, "You want this, do you?"

"Yes Carla and you know that. Please give it here," he says trying to grab at it.

But Carla swerves away ready to burst into a fit of laughter at the adorableness of his frustration. She jumps off the couch trying to lure him off after her with the document.

"if you want it you're just going to have to come and get it, now won't you?"

"Is that a threat?" he says grinning at her, "You think I won't be able to take you?"

Carla knows she has him as soon as he slides off the couch and starts to walk towards her slowly and with great deliberation towards her. He simply looked irresistible.

"I'm serious Carla, we need to talk about the next part of our plan."

"You're being no fun," Carla says seductively waving the paper about, "All business and no pleasure…you have to go after the things you want."

"Oh Carla, I have no problem going after the things I want. You of all people should know that."

She feels dangerous on her little power trip. It was fun having the foreplay and her ultimate goal was to seduce him. She backs into the wall gently rising up her dress to expose a bit more leg and her stockings. Carla watches as his eyes drift over her forgetting about the piece of paper for a time before she brings it back to his attention.

"So many places for me hid this. What do you think it fits best? I am contemplating here" Carla says coyly taking the piece of paper and rolling it so she can slide it in between her cleavage, "Like I said you'll just have to come and get it won't you."

He doesn't even give it a second thought before Carla can feel him pressed up against her and prying the document from her hands before she even has a chance and flinging it to the floor. His kisses were full of hunger and she couldn't stop smiling at the fact everything was going her way. She'd have to give it to him really good so he'd wouldn't even remember Frank Foster's name by the end of the evening much less want to ask her any more questions about him. She hated that man so much and just wanted to think only good thoughts, only about Liam.

She lets out moans of pleasure as they throw each other from wall to wall not caring how noise they made. Quickly Carla unbuttons his shirt tearing it off him. He lets their passionate thralls subside for a moment watching as Carla lowers herself to unbuckle his belt and at the same. Taking his hands from the wall, he quickly slides off her dress cardigan meeting her for another kiss, like it had been so long since their lips had last touched. There was more ferocity this time as he grabs her by both sides and lifts her so she can wrap her legs around him. Carla cups his face in her hands not wanting to come up for air. Backing off from the wall they explore each others mouths as Liam walks backwards for time before reaching the couch. They fall onto it, his touch inflaming her as he presses his hands against the fabric of her dress sliding to get it off.

His hands knew her like no other. She lay on the couch with her knees up and Liam between her, his lips gently grazing her stomach. He reaches her underwear and raising himself he goes to slide them up. Carla brings her knees together to make it easier for him. Liam grins at her, taking his time as Carla thrashed from side to side impatiently. She hated when he made her wait. Throwing them to the floor he slowly lowers his head to her one knee kissing it and moving along to her inner thigh, it is unbearable the way his tongue played with her, knew exactly which parts to explore. Carla closes her eyes getting lost in the sensation of absolute pleasure letting out little gasps as she feels it move through her body.

She wanted all of him now. Sliding off his boxers she pulls Liam onto her. His first few thrusts shot threw Carla, but she wanted him to go slower. She wanted to savor every last moment of it. Carla lifted her body up so she can meet him half way, he maneuvers his hips inside her thighs as she ran her fingers through his hair. They kiss as he moves slowly in and out of her. He leaves her to her own devices as they stare into each others eyes and the message is clear; Liam wants to give her absolute pleasure. Carla lets out little cries as he holds her to him, his hands against her back as he moves her up and down kissing her breasts.

"Oh god!" Carla moans as Liam starts to progress his speed.

She feels him; the warmth of him coursing throughout her whole body and Carla is indeed very pleased. He has reached his climax now closing his eyes and letting go. And all Carla can think is how badly she wants to that all again. The business and plotting could definitely wait, because who knew how long it would be until they saw each again. She might as well ensure this all never became a distant memory she could easily forget. Like she had once told him, every time they were together she wanted Liam to make her remember it until the day she died.


	90. Chapter 90

**So here is another chapter. Taking the reviews into consideration I put in another love scene. As always thanks for reading and reviewing.**

"What do think we'll have this time around?" Carla whispers.

Liam loved holding her and looking into her eyes. He was confident enough in himself as a lover that every time they had one another he could approach her with familiarity and knowledge. He knew how to please her and Liam felt his hands knew her like no other. Whereas Carla always approached everything like she was experiencing him as a new lover. She always had that excitement and insecurity that came with being with someone new for the first time. It was like she was experiencing every time they were together like it had been the first. Liam moves her hair out of her face, kissing her with an air of confidence as they face each other cuddling in one another's arms. She had that beautiful after glow to her and he smiled at her nervous excitement and wide green eyes accepting his brief kiss.

"I don't know," Liam whispers back, "I don't really mind. I'll love it whether it's a boy or girl."

"I know you will," she says, "But you haven't at least thought about it?"

Of course Liam had thought about what their second child would be. But he wasn't fixated on it like a man like Antony would be. Antony may love Giulia but he couldn't possibly love her as much as he would have loved a son. He had no respect for women viewing them as possessions to be raped and used and abused. Liam couldn't wrap his head around Giulia being an exception to rule, of someone he wanted to control or who was inferior to him. Liam wasn't like that, so he would love his child regardless of what they were and he would never fault Carla for any of it.

"I have. But honest to God as long as it is happy and healthy I will thankful."

"Well," she says satisfied and glowing at his answer, " I've been thinking of names."

"Have you?" Liam says not at all surprised because that was just like Carla to start planning ahead, "What have you been thinking?"

"That if we have another boy we should name him after someone in your family but only if you want to of course. I just feel bad about Cillian sometimes because you never got a say in his name."

"It doesn't bother me Carla," Liam says his blue eyes searching hers, "If it bothers you, it shouldn't."

She lets out a sigh, "You're too perfect you know that? I don't deserve you."

"I won't hear you say that again Carla. Stop saying you don't deserve me. I love you and I'll be damned if I ever let you again. And you were speaking about names, so tell me what you've been thinking."

"Well if it's a boy and we don't name it after someone in your family I was thinking about naming it after my brother Robert. I haven't been so close to him. I haven't seen him since 1911 when I got married to Antony. But I know that his wife has never been able to have children. So I thought it would be a good way to honor him as well as open the door to some form of communication."

"I get it. It's been so long for you wouldn't really know where to start or how. So its makes perfect sense and the sentiment is wonderful. I am sure Robert would feel honored."

She beams again at his approval and again Liam just wants to kiss her all over. It was adorable sometimes how much she cared about what he thought. And he liked that they were talking about this and coming to a decision like he felt two people should. Liam's own mother had often said that his father had named him, Paul, and Michelle all on his lonesome with no concern for what she had thought. Liam wanted to arrive at such decisions together with the woman he loved, the mother of his children.

"For a girl," she whispers, "I was thinking Maria. But I don't know."

"To be honest," Liam grins, "I don't like the name Maria all that much. I don't know why, I just never liked it."

"Is it because you think my dear friend Maria Sutherland is annoying?" says Carla teasingly.

"Annoying would be an understatement. She is a bit strange I admit. But the girl is all heart I can't hold it against her. She reminds me of Sophie."

"That's what I always say," Carla laughs, "Sophie and Maria need to meet one day. But back on the subject, what would you prefer?"

"I think I like the name Geneva. I don't know why, it just sounds like a princess and if we have a girl I am going to treat her like my little princess."

"So you're gonna spoil her rotten and turn her into a right snob then," Carla laughs, "And then she'll walk around with a huff everywhere she goes because her father will have given her the world."

"Hey she can't be any worse than you. What you described sounds exactly like the day I met you. You seemed quite the expert at huffing around and acting like a snob and all bothered by everyone."

Carla slaps him playfully on the arm; "You had just frightened me while I was painting! How else was I supposed to act with strange men lurking and hovering over my shoulders?"

Liam raises an eyebrow biting down on his lower lip trying to repress his urge to laughter. He still couldn't believe how he had been so forward with her that day. But he couldn't explain it nor would he ever apologize. It was just such a strong feeling that had come over him that day in 1920, he knew instantly that he had to know her and that he wanted her only for himself.

"Strange men? Strange now was I? Didn't stop you blushing though did it? Didn't stop you from seeing me again?"

"I was really offended," she says trying to keep a straight face, "I am a lady after all and ladies shouldn't be spoken to in such a manner."

"Well I am sure our little Geneva will be just like you, won't she? All difficult and draining; But I'm her father, so she can do no wrong in my eyes."

"And if we have another boy, it is sure to be another little charmer. I mean our Cillian has you down to a tee. I shudder to think how many hearts he will be breaking in the near future. How many engagements will we have to foot the bill for?"

"What can I say darling. Us Connor men have a natural talent when it comes to women. And I guess if we have another boy he'll take after our Cillian. So you'll have twice as many crying ladies to deal with."

"Oh god," says Carla excitedly, "Can you just imagine how much Cillian would adore having a baby brother or sister. He'd finally get someone to boss around.

"I'm sure he'd claim his spot as the child's official guardian angel. He'll like taking care of someone like Giulia took care of him."

Carla stops laughing sighing at the mention of her daughter's name, "I don't know if I should tell Giulia. I really want to, but I fear it could all be too dangerous. She is bound to tell her father and it pains me because I hate having to keep something so special from her."

Liam felt so horrible for Carla. He wanted to take all that sadness away He wanted her to have that opportunity to be close with her daughter again. He still hadn't asked her how Giulia even ended up back under Antony's grip at the Palace. But he knew that something must have happened because every time they talked about Giulia she got this sadness in her eyes and it made him think it was something more than the usual mother daughter troubles. Carla lowers her head a bit so she won't have to look at Liam as the tears start to shed.

"Hey, hey," he whispers lifting up her chin, "Everything is going to be okay. Remember we'll get Giulia out of that place and away from all them. We'll go far away from here and we'll all be happy again. Everything is going to work out. I mean look how wonderfully you did getting the document for me. You're such a brave person and so strong."

"You have to say that because you love me. You have to say all these nice things."

"I've told you plenty now how you can be a little princess Carla, a spoiled little brat even. I'll always tell you the truth and you always give it right back to me when we fight. I think we fight as good as we love and I'll always tell you the truth. I'd never lie about the way I feel about you. I feel like you are so brave, after everything you've been through with your father, uncle, Antony; I think you're the bravest person I know. What's it going to take for you to believe the same?"

He gently caresses her cheek and pulling her close to him Liam embraces Carla in a hug. He lets her cry for as long she needs getting it out of her system until she breaks free wiping her tears.

"I just don't know sometimes Liam. I feel like I've failed her so much. I feel like I should have fought Antony harder that day. I should ran and ran until I found her and we should have left and never looked back."

"You couldn't have ran away Carla. Antony had you in a death grip. He banged your head against the bathtub for goodness sake. He held a rag of chloroform to your mouth and tried to drown you. It isn't your fault that Giulia saw that. It's Antony's fault for all the pain he has caused you both."

"I don't want to be a horrible mother to her," Carla sniffles, "I don't want to leave her alone with all these men. I don't want her to be like I was at that age, so scared and unsure of how to behave or how to be around men in general. I mean at least no man has hurt her, but with the company her father keeps and the engagement…it just breaks my heart that she'll be forced to grow up so soon. I wasn't ready with Antony, even less because of what my uncle had done. But Giulia is completely innocent and she needs to be protected."

"Then I'll protect her," says Liam again thinking about that creepy doctor and feeling nothing but shudders. He wouldn't let that doctor Foster near her if he could help it.

"I want to get it right this time," Carla continues, "Especially if it's a girl. If it's Geneva and not Robert that were having, then I really need to get it right. I need to protect my daughter from all the evil out there."

"You trust me don't you?" Liam says.

Carla nods her head yes.

"Well if you trust me, then I want to give you my word that no one will hurt our little Geneva or Robert. And no man will be laying a finger on our Cillian or our Giulia."

Her green eyes are wide again before she breaks out into tears yet again. But just as quickly as she is crying she is kissing him again full on the mouth.

"Why are you crying?" he says truly stunned once again by her unpredictability but kissing her back all the same.

"Our Giulia," she whispers, "You said _our Giulia_," she says smiling now before going in for another kiss, "You don't know how happy that makes me that you would never exclude her from your love. I love you Liam, you have such a gentle heart."

They were more hungry kisses and Liam felt exhausted just trying to keep up with her. He didn't know if he had the energy to make love yet again. They have been doing so all evening and now he was truly spent.

"Carla," he murmurs, "Carla slow down."

"I can't," she says coming up for air, "I just can't when it comes to you."

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe," she says her eyes blazing and full of pure lust. Her tears have dried up now and she is a woman on a mission.

"But we still have to talk about what were doing next. The whole point of us meeting—"

"It can wait."

"I don't have the strength—"

"Well I have enough strength for the both of us," she says rolling over on top of him and pinning him down.

"Haven't you had enough?" Liam grins, "I know I'm good but I'm not _that _good."

She just smiles that look a dangerous look of unfaltering love and lust. Positioning herself on top of him Liam found himself becoming quickly aroused. This whole day was truly turning out to be heaven. She grabs his hands placing them firmly on her breasts she lets out little moans as Liam plays with them kneading them with his hands.

"Do it harder Liam," she breathes almost panting, "I want to feel you more."

He did so for a time and then raising himself up he pressed his chest against hers gripping her at the back. Carla gave out little moans as she felt his manhood press against her opening. He pushed it inside of her moving rhythmically as constant strokes of pleasure pulsate through the both of them. She closes her eyes, Liam is sure he was driving her out of her mind as she dug her finger nails into his back just trying to hold on for dear life. Violent spasms began to overtake him now and Liam felt himself losing all control as he spurted inside of her. She cried out then as he convulsed and he felt the need to kiss her, to feel her tongue in his mouth.

They collapse back down onto the couch, her dark hair strewn against his chest the both of them too exhausted to speak or move. He felt her weight pressed against him and her hot breath his chest their limbs lost in one another. There were no words to describe this blissful happiness. He could spend an eternity being with her like this and each time got better and better it just strengthened his need to possess her all to himself. He wanted Carla, all of her, every limb of her, every smile, laugh, every kiss, and thought all to himself. He didn't know how to tell her how much he loves her and that this love is all consuming. Even shown her wasn't enough because it didn't capture the fact that he would become physically ill if he ever lost her again. That when they were together he felt complete, like his soul had been reaching out for hers since the first day they met. Like it was his soul that told him, this woman in his arms was all he needed to live a complete and fulfilling life.

He can't help feel more excited at how fulfilling it will be when they can both finally live happily without the interference of Antony Gordon or his father. They could move away again, maybe back to Morocco even once the baby was born. He could take up with the job he left behind and start working on building Carla the palace she deserved. Carla could spend her days painting and selling her art pieces. They could even work on getting her her very own gallery. And she could be free to work without the bondage of any alias. He was sure Cillian wouldn't mind moving because he was a child that liked it wherever he went. Giulia might take some work, but Liam was prepared to do whatever he had to win over her respect and trust. Of course he didn't hope to replace her as a father, Antony was her father and he'd respect that, but he did wish to not be the source of such contention between her and her mother. He wanted to make things right and Liam thinks he has the perfect solution in Cillian. He had offered to let Giulia see her brother when she had inquired after his wellbeing. She seemed very welcome to the idea of seeing Cillian so Liam would extend an invitation for tea as soon as possible. He could get to know the girl on a level that they could both be comfortable with and maybe just maybe Giulia's heart would soften towards him. Maybe she'd be okay with Liam's love for her mother. She'd have to be, because she'd be having a second brother or sister soon. They could all be very happy together if she could just give it all a chance.

Carla gives out a sigh and Liam strokes the top of her head running his fingers through her hair as she shifts to move up closer to him. She had the beautiful glow again and that cute shyness as she smiles at him unsure of what to do with herself. But that's okay with him because he is always the confident one after lovemaking and not shy about anything they do. He pulls her into him kissing her forehead and her eyelids to which she gives out the most pleasing sigh of happiness.

"You okay?" he whispers smiling at her.

"Hmmm," she murmurs, "I am," and then giving him a peck she adds, "And the baby is too."

"Good," he whispers grinning down at her tummy, "Do you think I will be able to feel anything yet?" He says now placing his hand on her stomach.

"Hmmm," she murmurs, "Not yet. I don't think I'm that far along Robert or Geneva has yet to kick."

Liam watches as she puts her delicate swan like hands over his as they rest on her belly. Their fingers intertwine and he gazes in awe at how perfect they fit together. The last time the feeling had been this strong and instantaneous was when they had stood in the mirror together at the jewelry store in New York. They couldn't tear their eyes away from the reflection.

"We need to get our little Geneva or Robert some food though. Have you eaten yet?"

"I'm fine," she says now burrowing her face in his shoulder, "I just want to sleep now. I am exhausted."

"Alright but you'll have to eat something after. I'll get Martha to make you something."

"Hmmm," Carla replies ready to sleep.

"But we have to make sure we go over the next stage and everything after you sleep."

"Okay."

"And—"

"—And what Liam?!" Carla says.

She was getting all cute and irritated like the spoiled little brat she could be. Liam was ready to laugh.

"I wanna sleep and you're keeping awake," she pouts.

"We're not even going to go there with who has been keeping who awake all night. So I am just going to ignore that."

"Alright then," she says opening her eyes and removing her head from his shoulder, " Fine, you win. What were you saying?"

"I was gonna say that if we have a boy I want to add on the name Paul. So his first name would be Robert Paul."

"Okay," Carla smiles, "That is sentimental too because Margaret couldn't give Paul children either. Plus it sounds so smart and whatnot. I like it 'Robert Paul Connor', oh Liam I like it a lot."

"Or 'Paul Robert' Carla," he says just trying to tease her.

"Yeah whatever you wish Liam."

The haughtiness was coming out again and all Liam could do was laugh at having pushed her buttons

"And if it's a girl I we settled on Geneva right?"

"Right." Carla responds.

"Well I was thinking we could spell it with a 'J' since Giulia's name already has a 'G' and that way it could be a bit different."

"But Giulia's name is usually spelt with a 'J' and I had wanted to spell it like the Italians often do."

"Exactly, you wanted it to be different. I want Geneva's name to be different to, so lets spell it like 'Jeneva' instead. Is that okay with you?"

"Of course it's okay."

"Okay well you can sleep now. I won't disturb you anymore."

"Thank you," Carla mutters plopping her head back down on his chest, "I love you Liam."

"Love you too."

And he watched as she drifted off to slept. Then the idea popped into his head and another baby on the way, Liam realized he hadn't exactly ever really made things between him and Carla official. He wanted nothing more then for Carla to be his wife and although she was sort of tied up with Antony at the moment she would one day be free of her husband. But until then Liam wanted to give her some sort of vow, something to signify his commitment to her forever. He needed it to be something really thoughtful and something different that signified all they had been through together and that they are resilient. Perhaps he have a chat with his sister about it all and more likely than not he'd be needing the help of her best friend Maria Sutherland to figure something out. For now Liam decided he might as well sleep too. He'd need energy for later on. As he drifts in and out he imagines what the baby will be like; their little Jeneva or Robert Paul. For some reason he couldn't really choose between which one he'd like to have more, he had become so attached to the idea of both of them that when he finally succumbs to sleep he hopes that him and Carla are having twins.


	91. Chapter 91

**The latest chapter everyone. Thanks for reading/reviews/love on twitter. Enjoy **

"Well, well, well," boomed Antony's voice.

Carla had finally just come back from her secret meeting with Liam and had hoped to sneak in and go upstairs unnoticed to bed. But as soon as had been greeted by the housekeeper Carla heard a boisterous noise emulating throughout the house indicating Antony and his father were most likely entertaining. She had it in mind to just sneak on up to the guest room she was staying in and call it an early night but then Antony greeted her from up top the grand stair case. He was puffing on a cigar as usual and dressed in black tie attire. He held a brandy in his hand and downed it quickly before descending downstairs to greet Carla.

"You're back just in time for dinner," he sneers, "One has to wonder where you've been all day."

"That's none of your concern Antony," says Carla getting ready to make her way to the staircase and go to have a bit of rest, "And I am in no mood for dinner. So you'll have to send Alasdair my regards."

Antony blocks her way up to his usual games of intimidation he smirks grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her in the direction he wishes them both to go. Carla tries to yank her arm away glaring at the nerve of him to put his hands on her. He may be her husband in name still but that was it and she wanted nothing to do with him physically anymore.

"Let go of me Antony!" she says boldly not afraid to stand up for herself anymore with him.

"Oh no you don't," he whispers, "If I have to endure a silly little engagement dinner with my new son-in-law to be for the sake of our daughter then so do you. I won't endure this all on my own."

"Well isn't that what your girl Tina is for?" Carla retorts still trying to yank her elbow free of him, "And besides I am not exactly dressed am I? You're wearing black tie. I am not dressed for this dinner at all."

Antony just smirks gripping her arm tighter, "Giulia won't care what you wear just along as you show your face tonight and right this instance. They are just about to seat us. I think you'll find my father took liberties with the seating plan."

"What do you mean?" replies Carla finally breaking from his grip and giving her husband the most scathing look.

Again Antony just smirked and shrugging his shoulders slightly he proceeded down the hallway towards the dinning room. Carla accepted defeat as he had once again used their daughter as a pawn in his manipulation. She follows him down the hallway and when they arrive at the dinning room Antony gives her one last look of gloating.

"You'll see," he whispers before pushing the grand dinning room doors open and walking into the room.

"Antony," booms Aladsair's from his place at the head of the dinning room table, "Late as always I see."

The whole table was already seated Trevor Dean sat next to his mother and father on one side with Giulia on the other right near Alasdair. Antony's lover Tina was right next to Giulia and Carla noticed the two girls whispering and giggling much to the annoyance of Trevor's parents. It caused a bit of jealousy in Carla again as it hurt to see Giulia warming up to this girl so quickly when she rejected Liam for so long. Carla felt she should be the one to have a close relationship with her daughter not this Tina girl who was most likely a good digging opportunist like Alasdair has continued to claim.

"Oh father," says Antony in the most patronizing voice he can gather, "That's just my style. You wouldn't have it any other way would you? Since you love your son so much."

Alasdair does his best to not show how much he would love to reach over the table and smack his son across the face. However Antony's eyes are gleaming with hatred and he seems to find the whole situation rather humorous. Walking over to Giulia he gives his daughter a gentle brush with his lips on top his her head before talking to his father yet again.

"My lovely wife only just arrived home father. Would you have preferred me not to wait for Caroline?"

Carla steps into the room making her presence more noticeable and right away the gentlemen of the table rise as a sign of manners. Trevor pulls out his own chair rushing over to the other table with great speed to pull out Carla's chair for her.

"Mrs. Gordon," he says looking at her with those gorgeous blue eyes.

Carla walks forward not wanting to give away any emotions she may be harboring towards him since that day in the garden. Slowly she nods her head indicating that she is thankful before taking a seat in the chair right next to Tina. She supposes this is what Antony meant when he said they would have an interesting seating plan. Again it annoyed Carla to have to be seated anywhere near this Tina girl who was clearly in Carla's opinion an instrument being used by Antony to further alienate Giulia from her mother. Whether this Tina girl knew this to be her purpose was not of Carla's concern, she decided she could stand the silly girl.

"Sir," Carla replies curtly as Trevor grins with an air of confidence at her.

His eyes are michevious and his smile dangerous. But it was the type of dangerous that managed to make Carla feel like her heart was jumping from her chest and made her hands all clammy and nervous. How on earth was she going to survive the whole dinner with Trevor in the same room? Like a gentleman he pushes in her chair for her once she is seated but doesn't waste the opportunity to let his fingers gently graze the back of her neck. It is very brief but gets the point across as he goes back to his side of the table once again sitting next to his mother. Then Trevor's father and Alasdair proceed to take their seats once again.

Antony makes his way over to the empty seat next to Carla and Carla thinks to herself this setting arrangement couldn't be anymore horrible. What was Alasdair thinking with all of this? It was clear he was probably working on pushing his own agenda of having Antony reunite with Carla so Giulia could have a happy family. Carla almost feels sorry for Alasdair because no two individuals detested one another as much as her and Antony did. She would just as quickly throw herself in front of a moving train before she ever returned to her husband or the Palace permanently. Alasdair was just wasting his own time trying to chase the past like this.

"Sadly Doctor Foster will not be joining us tonight. Something urgent has come up and he sends his regards," Alasdair announces to the whole table once everyone was seated.

This is not sad news for Carla. She hoped he would not visit the Palace ever again. She hated the doctor and vowed to kill him one day for all he has done.

"Caroline," remarks Trevor's mother Vivian, "Why in heavens name aren't you dressed for dinner? Did the servants not warn you ahead of time?" Vivian was decked out in an elegant dinner gown with feathers in her up do.

"Vivian it is no matter really," says her husband Conrad. He had a friendly deposition and Carla liked his American accent, "All that matters is that Caroline made it back in time. We were beginning to think you'd never show."

"I was in London visiting my dearest and oldest friend Maria Sutherland," Carla lies, "I always seem to lose track of time whenever I meet up with her. But I am sorry to say Mr. Dean, I was never informed of any such dinner tonight."

"Really?" says Conrad glancing in Antony's direction. His look is one of confusion; "I could have sworn Antony was told to pass the message along to you."

Typical Carla thought, just typical of her husband to play such games and try and make her out to be horrible in Giulia's eyes. She turns her head looking directly at Antony and observing his profile. He is trying to conceal a smirk as Carla's eyes bore into him just daring him to turn and look at her.

"Funny," she says, "I never got the message."

He still won't look her but remarks to Conrad, "Must've slipped my mind," he now turns to Carla and gives her one of his uncharacteristic and rare dazzling smiles, "You don't mind though darling _wife_…things happen."

Carla tries to conceal a contemptuous laugh. Two could play this game. She was not afraid of Antony or any of his petty tricks and deceptions, "Oh darling _husband_ it is nothing at all. I promise you I won't take your little indiscretion to heart. This occasion is about our Giulia after all."

"And Trevor," says Antony pointedly.

The look he gave conveyed he may know something more about the Trevor situation then he was letting on. But it could also just be Antony being his normal and nasty self. Carla couldn't tell really and had no energy to devout to analyzing his usual tactics of petty bullying.

"How could you forget to mention Trevor, Carla?' Antony says abruptly reaching for his glass of wine and rising from the table in a fashion that indicated he would like to make a toast.

Alasdair was shooting daggers as per usual while Conrad and Vivian seemed to think nothing of it at all. Giulia, Carla noticed was still busy chatting it up with Tina. It was quite rude and Carla wondered why Alasdair hadn't bothered to say anything to them yet.

"It's no problem really," says Trevor unaffected by Antony's behavior, "You're happy for your daughter. It is understandable."

"Oh I am so very happy for my Giulia La Bella," says Antony, "This union couldn't have made me anymore proud. I truly believe that I couldn't possible have found a better partner for my darling daughter. I wish you both many years of happiness."

"And how kind you are," says Trevor giving Antony a genuine smile, "I hope for many years of happiness with Giulia as well," his eyes drift over Carla for a few seconds as he says the last part.

"I shall like to make a toast," says Antony.

"NO!" says Alasdair his voice booming and his outburst really coming out of nowhere, "What you should like to do is make a scene and embarrass your own daughter with childish behavior. SIT DOWN!"

"Oh father—"

"SIT DOWN!"

"Alasdair," says Vivian Dean now, "I'm sure Antony only meant good things. His statement came from the heart."

"Lady Dean," says Alasdair giving Vivian a cold look, "Forgive me if this comes across as rude but I think I can read my son and his intentions much better than you."

"Because we're all books be meant to read father, not actual human beings. How silly of me to think otherwise."

"By Christ Antony—"

Carla was sensing another blow up and thinking only of Giulia's happiness she urges Antony to sit down.

"Antony just please sit down. Your father is in no mood for toasts tonight," she whispers and then tugging at his coat Carla finally manages to get Antony to sit down. It was only for Giulia's sake that she was being kind towards him.

"Forgive my father Trevor," says Antony talking in a sugary sweet voice, "He is allergic to any human emotion. He hates sentiment and can be a bit of a kill joy."

Trevor nods his head not knowing how to respond to such a statement. And before Alasdair could get a chance to respond it is Tina who next has something to say at the table.

"I hate kill joys," she says rather stupidly, "Kill joys are the ultimate…" , she gets stuck trying to figure out what to say, "They're the ultimate…I don't know really what they are. I just know they aren't fun."

"Perhaps the world you were looking for is _bore_, Miss McIntyre," says Conrad politely smiling at her, "Not to worry dear we all have slow days."

"I hope you're not implying my son's…fiancée if you will, is slow Conrad? That wouldn't be too kind," Alasdair makes a point to smirk at Antony.

"Oh of course not! In fact I think she is a breathe of fresh air. Very lively and always has something to keep us busy since our first staying here at the Palace. Tina always has fun activities for us to do."

"I taught her well," says Antony raising up his glass and winking at Tina who is all smiles at his approval.

"And Giulia seems to be very taken with Tina, aren't you dear?" Vivian smiles in Giulia's direction.

"Yes Madame," Giulia responses smiling at Vivian and then beaming in Trevor's direction.

Trevor makes it a point to avoid her stare instead poking at his food.

"She's like the sister I never had. I feel like I can tell her anything."

The words are like acid to Carla's heart. She wished Giulia felt like she could her anything and everything as well.

"Such an angelic heart you have," says Vivian, "I've told Trevor he is to buy you a fine piano as part of your engagement present. We have a nice one back in Elizabethville. Trevor's younger brother Joseph loves the piano as well he plays it all the time back at our place in Elizabethville."

"Where is your brother Joseph?" Carla asks the words flowing out before she is even able to stop herself.

She is looking intently at Trevor waiting for an answer but it his father who responds.

"Joseph is back in the Belgian Congo. Bedridden actually—"

"Conrad let us not talk of it," says Vivian quickly, "It is much too upsetting."

"Joseph had an accident in one of my fathers mine shafts. He wasn't supposed to be down there anyways but he was and now he's lost his left leg. But I don't even know why my parents mentioned him right away to begin with since it is my youngest brother Julian that enjoys the piano most. He just turned twenty and my parents promised to by him his very own."

This Julian must be the brother that Maria and her mother had heard talk about originally. Carla had been expecting Giulia to be engaged to the twenty year old brother and not Trevor. Something must have happened to changed all these plans and Carla wanted to know what.

"Where is Julian?" she asks, "Why is he not here celebrating with the rest of the family?"

"He's tied up in some important situation at the moment," says Conrad quickly shooting his wife Vivian a look, "But I'm afraid we can't talk about it."

"Yes," Alasdair backs them up, "Julian is doing something private at the moment which means we probably wont see him until the actual wedding.

"Hmmm," says Antony smiling at all of the Deans.

Carla had no doubt in her mind that the wheels in his head were spinning trying to figure things out. How to best make this information or rather lack of information work for his benefit. The air in the room got uncomfortable and Vivian quickly looks to change the subject.

"What else do you enjoy doing for fun besides playing the piano Giulia?"

"I don't really know," says Giulia rather shyly, "I used to like playing with my dolls. But now I am too old for that."

"Indeed you are dear one. Our Trevor couldn't have his wife playing with dolls," jokes Conrad.

"I personally used to love dolls," says Tina, "In fact every girl should carry at least one doll into womanhood so they don't forget how lovely and innocent they once were."

"Oh really Tina?" Conrad says jokingly, "I don't suppose Antony gets any say in that? Does the doll share a bed with you two?"

It was surprisingly so but Alasdair broke out laughing at this remark. Carla figured he wouldn't waste any opportunity to slight Tina no matter how out of character his laughing happened to be. Tina of course sat oblivious to Alasdair's hatred of her and whilst he laughed she so did she and Giulia and Vivian; although they did so out of wanting to please Alasdair and Conrad.

Carla however exchanged a brief look with Antony who looked murderous, glaring at his father. Attempting a smile of only to stay in Alasdair's good books Carla looks onto Trevor whose one elbow was propped up on the table as his fingers extended over his champagne class. His look is just blank as his blue eyes briefly make contact with hers giving somewhat of an eye roll and a bit of an eyebrow raise to communicate the stupidity of it all. The way he did it and wore that expression of calm collectedness sent shivers through Carla's body. There was just something about him that she liked so much. He carried himself in a way which was so appealing.

"I feel like we should all play a game," says Tina clearly having no idea about the sort of company she was keeping.

"Oh really Tina? And what game is that?" says Conrad still willing to entertain the girl."

"I don't know…something fun of course."

"I prefer to talk of business and politics personally," says Alasdair talking down to her, It was clear he was only tolerating her presence for the sake of Giulia.

"Those are no such topics for us women," remarks Vivian.

And the two banter back in forth while Conrad laughs and Antony seethes. Again Carla catches Trevor's eye as he was now taking a sip from his champagne glass, bringing it up to his lips and taking a small sip before placing it back on the table. His eyes did not leave her once; they bore into her intense and full of lust. It was eye sex.

"Oh no one is any fun!" pouts Tina continuing to embarrass herself.

Antony abruptly pushes out his chair causing Carla to jump as he gets up and looks over at Tina.

"Tina Come," he says with an air of authority more like he was her father rather than a lover.

"Why?" she pouts, "I have yet to finish my food."

"I think it is time for bed Tina," says Antony his voice was in a deadly whisper

"Antony," starts off Vivian, "Can't you let the girl have some fun and eat her food?"

"Tina," Antony repeats again ignoring Vivian completely.

Carla recognizes the tone. It is the "don't you dare challenge me" sort of tone. It only meant trouble for those who did not obey.

Tina looks around the table looking to for anyone else to speak up and come to her rescue but Vivian does not say another word. Alasdair doesn't care and glares at his son with contempt as per usual.

Finally Tina throttles her napkin onto her plate throwing a tantrum like a child. She pushes out her chair walking towards Antony who quickly takes her by the elbow and follows her out. Carla wonders if she should do anything or say anything but doesn't want to risk it right now since Liam wants her to stay in Antony's good graces. Carla reasoned Tina wouldn't be in any real danger with all these guests around as Antony was too much of a coward to attack when anyone outside of the servants were around. The table itself proceeded to go back to normal conversation with Vivian continuing to interrogate Giulia about her hobbies as Alasdair and Conrad began to talk about politics.

Trevor who had been listening to his mother talk to Giulia for a time turns to look at Carla again staring at her desirously he asks, "And just what do you like to do for fun?"

"Everything," Carla manages to blurt out before she realizes that it sounds silly, "I mean I don't know."

"Hmmm," he says taking another sip from his champagne glass and rising from his seat he walks over to sit right next to her.

Carla wishes he wouldn't. His mother Vivian briefly glances at him curious before turning her attention back to Giulia who is now rather animatedly talking to her about her love of waltzing. Alasdair is looking at Carla curiously for a while as well but then turns his attention back to Conrad and politics.

"And just what is everything Mrs. Gordon?" Trevor says sliding into Antony's empty chair.

His attractive features mesmerize Carla. His bone structure was flawless and his chin chiseled to perfection. Carla simply felt speechless and rather light headed in his presence. She didn't want to say anything foolish but finally she manages to spit out a few words.

"I like to play the piano and to paint."

"You should really paint me sometime," he says smirking at her. Then leaning in close for barely a whisper he adds, "We could even do it naked if you prefer...make a day of it and all."

Carla gave out a gasp. She was becoming increasingly offended by the way he was talking to her at least for the sake of Liam and Giulia.

"I have it in mind to slap you the next time you dare say something to me like that," Carla leans in whispers back.

He seems unfazed by her threat as he leans in and says, "And I have it in my mind that the next time we meet that you'll be beneath me exactly where you belong. I'm not one to waste time."

"I am so done talking to you," Carla says getting up in a huff at these words. She felt her whole neck blushing, "You're no gentleman. You have no respect."

"I look forward to getting to know you very well Mrs. Gordon," Trevor says in a hushed voice. His face is complete cockiness, "I imagine we'll be very close with one another. I mean we did kiss once—"

Carla is about to respond that he has no chance in a million years when there is a loud scream coming from within the hallway quickly followed by what sounds like some scuffling and then a thud. The whole room goes silent wondering what the hell has just happened. Carla and Trevor exchange worried looks before Alasdair and Conrad push back there chairs and head towards the dinning room exit. Giulia is quicker though and is the first to bolt from the room. Carla is just getting out of her chair when she hears a second scream; it's Giulia's accompanied by loud concerned voices. Quickly Vivian leaves the room and Carla and Trevor follow closely behind. Carla's heart is beating wondering if her baby Giulia is okay and what has caused such a terrible scream. They run down the hallway towards Alasdair and Conrad who are both already positioned bending over the unconscious figure of Tina McIntyre.

Carla is in complete shock as she stares at the young girl strewn about unresponsive on the floor in front of the grand staircase. There is blood coming from around her abdomen soaking through her dress and right away Carla lets out a cry because it is most likely that Tina has miscarried.

"Oh my god!" says Vivian bringing a hand to her mouth and quickly hiding her face in Trevor's shoulder.

"GRANDFATHER DO SOMETHING!" cries Giulia distraught by the sight of her friend, "PLEASE GRANDFATHER!"

Carla quickly rushes over to Giulia cradling her daughter in a hug trying to soothe her as her little Giulia breaks down. Where the hell was Antony? There was no doubt in Carla's mind that he was behind this whole scene before them.

"We need to call for the doctor," says Conrad, "Before the poor girl loses a lot of blood."

Carla observes Alasdair who is looking around in a sort of trance. He too knows his son is responsible for this mess. And also knows that calling upon Antony for medical help would be futile. Antony if was the perpetuator he would not use his medical training to help the situation but only to further manipulate things.

"Alasdair should I call for Doctor Foster? Perhaps he has some medication, some sort of treatment for a miscarriage."

To Carla this was not any better an option. Doctor Foster was just calculated as her husband.

"The girl needs to breathe first," says Trevor releasing his mother and going to attend to Tina.

"Trevor you know CPR right son? I shall call for Doctor Foster—"

"There's no need," says an all too familiar voice from the top of the stairs.

It causes everyone to glance up.

"I'm already here."

Carla locks eyes with the evil cold eyes of Frank Foster gazing down at the scene below him with no emotion whatsoever. Carla was confused because Alasdair had told everyone at the start if dinner that the Doctor wouldn't be able to make it. So what was he doing here now? Alasdair and everyone else obviously felt the same way as her because they all stared up at him in shock and confusion.

"Where's Antony?" Alasdair finally manages, "And won't you come down and help this girl?!"

"Antony's sleeping," says Frank in a matter of fact tone and slowly descending the stairs he keeps a straight face as his eyes roam over all the bodies looking up at him waiting for some explanation as to why he is doing nothing.

Carla did not believe Antony was sleeping for one second. it was like Antony wasn't even trying to cover up his crimes anymore. But Frank had to have something to do with this. Carla could just feel it because something was not right. Frank wasn't even trying to but on a facade of a concerned doctor for the sake of at least tricking Alasdair. What was he up to? That was an even greater question. How did Tina end up at the bottom of a staircase miscarrying a child and unconscious when only moments earlier she had been lively and being the life of the party?

Carla is still trying to soothe Giulia rocking her back in forth as they stand on the floor. She increases her hold tighter to protect her daughter from the predator Doctor Foster as he edges closer to everyone.

"Are you not going to help the girl or is my son to do everything?" says Vivian repeating Alasdair's remark about wondering why he refused to do anything to help Tina.

"There's nothing to help," says Frank coldly his eyes drifting over Trevor and Conrad's feeble attempts to get Tina breathing, "The girl is a good as gone."

Carla's ears now fill with the screams of Giulia's sobs. She grips Giulia's raven coloured hair kissing her sweet child on the top of the head. And all Carla can feel is sorrow. Her poor daughters world is falling apart.


	92. Chapter 92

**Latest chapter. So sorry for the delay. This Chapter has a lot of stuff going on in it. Hope it isn't all over the place. Enjoy**

"Tina," Trevor's voice whispered, "Tina come on girl. Please wake up?"

Carla had sunk to the floor still holding her Giulia rocking her back and forth trying her best to calm her angel. But as she kissed her daughters hair and the chaos was unfolding around her between Vivian's cries and Frank's unwillingness to help she couldn't take her eyes of f of him. His nature seemed so tender and soothing, the way he gathered Tina in his arms and rested her on his lap rocking her small fragile body back and forth really struck a chord with Carla. He seemed oblivious that he was getting any of her blood on his fingers and she begged the girl to come back to life.

"I think we should move her," whispers Conrad, "I don't think we should disrespect a body and keep it on the ground."

"Father, we can still get her to breathe. If we can just get her to breathe—"

"You heard Doctor Foster Trevor. She's gone."

"I feel a pulse still!"

"Stop it Trevor. Let the girl go. We need to move her. Giulia should not have to be forced to remember this moment any longer," Conrad bent down near his son prepared to move the body, "We shall tell the servants to get some towels and clean her a bit…clean up all the blood…the baby."

Trevor shakes his head clamping his vivid blue eyes shut that this was all surreal and too much to endure. He was on a short fuse ready to break at any moment. Carla had this strange but natural feeling of wanting to comfort him and be there for him…to hold him even just as she was holding Giulia now. But she had to get rid of those thoughts and feelings just as quickly as they came. Trevor's eyes open wide all of the sudden and he is furious.

"SHE'D HAVE A CHANCE IF THIS BLOODY DOCTOR DID HIS JOB!" he looked ready to tear Frank Foster apart.

Frank however stood unaffected by his outburst and talking in the most condescending of tones replies, "I know dead when I see it. I'm a trained professional. I don't labor in false hope or sentiment."

"My fiancée is crying over there! My fiancée is fucking crying!"

"Trevor," gasps his mother, "Don't use such language please. Your emotions are heightened. This is a sad moment—"

"Where's my son?" says Alasdair interrupting the confrontation with the most monotone of voices.

It was because it was so expressionless that it sent shivers through Carla's body and instinctively she cuddles her daughter even more close.

"I am going to take Giulia from here," announces Conrad, "Come Giulia. You will not witness anymore of this this evening."

Carla wanted to be the one to take her daughter away from here but Giulia let go rather quickly reestablishing the boundary of mistrust and contempt she felt towards her mother and rushed into Conrad's arms. Carla felt her heart breaking in two once again. Nothing has changed. Her daughter still hated her and she watches as Conrad steers her away from the scene of the crime. Nothing would ever change it seemed.

Alasdair having witnessed his poor Giulia's pain seems to be in some sort of trance staring down at Tina. Carla was certain he wasn't even present anymore. He had a look like he had seen things, things beyond this he would rather not remember.

"_Antony's mother…she plummeted herself off the third story balcony…"_

Slowly and quietly he repeats, "Where is Antony?" He has yet to take his eyes off of Tina.

But Carla can see the muscles in his face pulsating, his eyes ready to buldge. Alasdair was not a force to be reckoned with and if Frank was smart he would not push that lie again.

"Sleeping," repeats Frank a faint smirk barely noticeable forming on his lips at all this despair.

What was he playing at? What was Antony's deal? Did he not think the Dean's would have an opinion this? That they would talk? Why not at least play the part? Was Antony just getting too confident now that he was becoming reckless and lazy ? It just didn't make sense what he does doing. What the hell was he doing up stairs? Was he even up stairs at all or was Frank the one to push Tina? Carla's head is hurting just trying to gather these thoughts together.

Alasdair's head slowly rises at this remark. But not to Frank; his eyes make a direct correlation from Tina's body to the top of the staircase. Carla held her breath anticipating just what Alasdair would do next. His face is one of murder as he walks to the head of the stairs stopping right in front of them. Carla watches as he takes deep breaths almost making a wheezing noise as he pants. Everyone stands silent and then Alasdair's voice overtakes the whole house.

"ANTONY!"

No one dared make a sound. There was not a servant to be heard and Carla exchanged a apprehensive look with Trevor who was now cuddling his mother trying to calm her tears.

Again Alasdair repeats, "ANTONY!" He's voice again shakes the Palace challenging his son to show his face. His breathing becomes more erratic and his eyes buldge even more as he bends his head and focuses on the tile floor, "ANTONY!"

Carla felt afraid and on edge. She felt her face might turn blue just waiting in this silence clashing against Alasdair's fury. But not a sound came from upstairs.

"ANTONY!"

Again Carla and Trevor exchange looks. Something has to be done. Carla knew Alasdair was only reacting to the pain suffered by his granddaughter and only for that reason she felt a need to take him from harms way. He should not waste his breath on Antony there was no point. This probably what her husband wanted and she intends to tell Alasdair so.

Conrad comes back followed by a bunch of servants who all seem rather shaken but listen to his instructions intently as he tells them to move Tina gently. She hears Trevor softly comforting his mother and also directing her away from confrontation.

"Carla you should come with me," he whispers, "Whatever is going on you don't want to see it. My father is going to call the police."

"I'm not leaving," says Carla holding her ground and trying her best to close herself off from his tenderness. She feels his fingers gently grasping for her own and again she gets those feelings she doesn't wish to feel when she is around him. There grip holds one another briefly before Carla lets go. She knew it was not right what they were doing, "You can go," she says, "I'm staying here. I deserve to know what is going on."

"You're wasting your time. Antony is not coming down," says Frank, "It's all too much him... this Palace."

"Then I shall go to him!" shouts Alasdair and before anyone can stop him he bolts up the staircase.

Because of Giulia and all the suffering she has endured Carla feels the need to follow. She runs up the stairs right after Alasdair on his heels pumped with adrenaline as he descends upon the master bedroom throwing the door open in such a way it almost flew off its hinges.

The normalcy in the room was so eerie it made Carla give way to yet another shiver. Tremors were surely to follow with all this insanity.

"You little shit!" shouts Alasdair.

Carla sees Antony sitting at the dresser just staring at them both in the reflection as the room fills with cigar smoke. He was still wearing all of his dinner attire and Carla noted that the bed was neatly made. No one had slept in it tonight. Antony's brown eyes are illuminated and his features dance with shear happiness. A smirk formed on his lips as the air of superiority fills the space.

"Hello father," he says refusing to break eye contact through the mirror, "I see you've stopped that incessant screaming which is good because I was beginning to get a headache."

"What did you do to her?" Carla shouts she is unable to control her rage at his pure lack of human emotion

"You've brought Caroline as back up father," says Antony refusing to acknowledge her personally, "How very predictable of you. Though I think Doctor Foster suits you much more."

"What did you do to that girl Antony?" says Alasdair stepping forward ready to beat the shit out of his only child.

"Can't be any worse than what you did to mother," Antony whispers, before slowly pulling his cigar from his lips and putting out on the ash tray, "I wouldn't worry about it though. I'm sure she is in a better place…_father._"

"How could you do such a thing to Giulia?" says Carla truly disgusted, "And to your unborn baby?"

"It may surprise to know Caroline, I don't much care for bastards. Your little Cillian most especially. Just be lucky he isn't hurt and is safely in the arms of your precious little Liam."

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HIM. DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT ANY OF THEM!"

"I can talk about that stupid little shipping heir as much as I please! He likes to put his hands on the things, which belong to me! Doesn't he, your precious Liam? He just couldn't help himself , could he? Breaking down your defenses, playing dirty to get what he wants. How come it's a problem when I do it Caroline?"

"You rape people. You raped me! YOU KILLED TINA!"

"No I didn't," says Antony just blinking at her with the most contained of expressions and then turning to his father he says, "Now how can I help you father?"

"I will call the police on you. I shall like to see you rot in jail Antony!"

"You won't call the police on me," says Antony in the most nonchalant of voices, "You don't know all it is you have seen father. For all you know Tina and I left dinner shortly after 9 o clock. I then proceeded to sit down an listen to some lovely music…swan lake waltz, Carla you remember that song, don't you?" he quickly smirks at her before turning his attention back to his father, "The gramophone player was so loud I didn't hear a thing that happened. I turned it off however by time poor Tina already took that nasty fall so the scuffle was all done. And it was all very horrible. My poor Giulia, how will she ever cope with such an image? Do you think she will want to get married now? I know poor Tina had put it in her head we could have a double ceremony—"

"Shut up!" Alasdair too is in shock sickened by the monster he has created, "Just shut up!"

"I guess that means you won't be calling them then. Giulia couldn't lose her father and Tina in one day, not when you want her to have that perfect little family with Caroline and I once again.

Alasdair was silent. His son was attacking his guilt over the suicide of his mother and the fact that Alasdair just wanted to make up for all his wrongs in Giulia.

"That's what I thought," Antony whispers.

"You didn't have to kill her," Carla cries, "You have no right to take a life."

"You think that's the only one? Oh Caroline I just love the naivety you possess. I find it so endearing—"

"What are you spewing now?" says Alasdair ready to vomit.

Antony ignores his father looking directly at Caroline, "Don't you ever wonder what happened to your trusty little servant Mary?"

Carla feels the blood draining her face. She had been wondering what happened to Mary ever since she returned to this place. She had wondered after Edson and Libby as well.

"No," she whispers, "No."

"Yes," he says in singsong voice letting the horror sink in, "Yes darling, And her little side kick Libby. But You loved Mary most, didn't you? She was the one who used to coddle you and keep all your dirty little secrets. You used to tell her things about Liam confide in her about that little bastard of his you were carrying. And she knew about your little plot to escape with Peter. So you must understand when after you ran from me I couldn't stand seeing her face running about everyday. Her very existence got to me."

"How could you?" says Carla she has truly lost it. She had often worried about the girl when she had escaped to New York and to realize she had succumbed to such a horrible fate was too much to bare. Carla sinks to the floor in a fit of tears her tremors back once again, "And Edson?" she manages feebly, "You killed him too?"

"Hey be thankful Caroline. At least none of them were your precious Liam. But then again Liam is much to valuable for me just to dispose of, even you are! But the servants they're nothing to me. They betrayed me for you. But you can still honor them. Maybe next time you run away you can use all three of their names as an alias."

"You have no soul! Did you ever have one?" Carla cries, "What is wrong with you?"

"He's a monster!" shouts Alasdair surprising coming to Carla and offering her comfort.

"Thanks to you father."

"I will not be blamed for this! I am not like you. I don't senselessly hurt and kill people!"

"You cut off hands of those who don't met the quota's on your rubber plantations. You don't pay them or give them anything for proper food and board. I remember the summer in my youth when I trekked through all that jungle. I remember what I saw it was all darkness…and the children working in the diamond mines, they couldn't breathe much less see. And then you sit here and lecture me about senseless behavior and killing things."

Carla watched as silence passed between father and son. There were too many dark things from his childhood that he saw, too many things she would never understand. But it didn't make it okay what Antony did. Carla saw Alasdair's eyes were watering. His body was shaking using all the might and strength he possessed to hold Antony's stare.

"Tell me father," continues Antony, "Did you just shut out all the screaming after a while? I remember you used to put on the gramophone player on site when the screaming got too difficult for you to hear anymore. I still heard it though but you didn't care. You looked right through all those handless people just like you looked right through me. I still see it just like I still mother and you know what, I hate you. Damned if I let Giulia disappear into that jungle and all that darkness. Damn you to hell."

"Giulia will be better away from you," says Alasdair looking Antony like he had lost his mind, "She'll be amongst the civilized people in Elizabethville—"

"Not if she's around you!"

"Whatever makes you feel better and allows you to sleep at night Antony. If you believe I damaged you so greatly continue to believe so. But I have protected you for far too long and all I have gotten in return is such evil and hatred. Giulia will not be made to endure you."

"Try and take my daughter. I dare you! She'll be in the cold ground before she ever steps foot outside this palace. Mark my words Father!"

"You will not hurt her!" Carla cries. Antony wouldn't hurt Giulia he just wouldn't. She is the one thing he truly loves more than anything, "I know you wouldn't."

"I'm full of surprises," says Antony still staring at his father, "What's another ghost haunting the palace walls. Another generation of the Gordon women left to be unhappy."

"If you truly mean what you say, then you are even more useless and evil then I originally thought."

"Well now you know who you're dealing with father. Now you know who you're fighting. So I suggest you forget that little idea about calling the police."

Carla felt physically ill. Again Alasdair would protect his son and he would not be held accountable for his actions. Antony would be forgiven very crime even the threat of harming Giulia. She throws Alasdair from her realizing her need to be free of this room and just get out this palace. It was sucking the life out of her. Her heart was full of the weight of Mary, Libby, Edson, and even Tina. She wondered how many people would have to die in this place before Antony finally paid? And for the first time in a long time she is cracking, wondering if she will even have the strength to do all that Liam wishes her to do.

Her legs are reckless as she falls from wall to wall in the hallway. She just wants to find Giulia and take her from here. She wants to run into the safety of Liam's arms and just be allowed to break down completely within his loving touch. She wanted to hold her baby Cillian to rock him in her arms and just hold to him for dear life.

"_Now you know who you're dealing with…now you know who you're fighting."_

Carla is convinced no one will ever know the true nature of Antony. No one would ever all that he encompassed. He was just so far gone and she wondered if he even knew who he was anymore. Where did everything go? When did it all get so damned fucked up?

She had held onto the promise of these Palace walls. She had promised to love him and adore in those early years. They could have been very happy because he used to be happy and his brown eyes used to smile. He had helped her plant the apple trees. They had laughed together and cried together in the early days. And Antony, he used to love. She can remember how he used to cradle Giulia as a baby in the nursery and rock her back and forth singing to her lovingly. He would hold her like she was his crowned jewel, like she was so fragile he was afraid his daughter would break. He had love once.

"_B-but you loved me once, didn't you?" _

Like an instance flash all the images of Antony as he was at the Palace in 1911 flash before her eyes. Her tears blur her vision as she stumbles along now down the staircase and she swears it is like back in time as Antony and her walk through the entrance of this home for the first time as husband and wife. When did it get so damn messed up? They were supposed to be happy, to build a house of great memories.

"_Far too long ago for it to matter anymore…"_

She cries and cries now not caring if it carries throughout all the house or whether Conrad, Vivian, or anyone else hears her. She cries for Mary and for Tina, she cries for ever bringing her poor Giulia into this mess. For the helplessness she feels at this place getting to her and always finding at way to suck her back in. Carla cries because she should have left that day in January 1920 and but up fight. She should had never let Antony summon her back. She should have never let her father walk her down that aisle, should never let him take Robert from her or her uncle Aidan get away with all he had done. But she was desperate and alone and scared and all she wanted was to be loved so she let everyone get away with. But Antony was supposed to have been different and she felt so much pain that he had let her down.

"You supposed to love me," she cries only now realizing that she dragging herself on the ground across the man foyer, "You were all supposed to love me, weren't you?"

She realizes that she is talking to the air to all those men, not just the memory of who Antony could have been but her father, brother, and uncle as well. They were supposed to love her and they hadn't. And she cries some more because this is not the sort of life she wants for Giulia.

She feels strength out of her control lifting her off the ground. Carla does not resist it as those strong manly hands wrap around her pulling her into a hug. She didn't want to know closeness like this, to hear his soft whispers sending shivers down her spine or his delicate hands caress her cheeks wiping her tears away.

"I never asked for this," she says again like this would explain anything crashing through her mind right now, "I never asked for this—neither did Giulia."

"Shhh," he whispers his vivid blue eyes sinking into hers, "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

She wants to look away; to fight this whole thing because she is in a vulnerable state. But she didn't know what it was anymore that she should be fighting. She wanted to feel the warmth of him and his touch. It ignited her, made her feel alive in this helpless place.

"He was supposed to love me," she says like this would explain any of all the feelings she had when it came to Antony. Of course it did not.

"It's okay Carla," Trevor whispers, "It's okay because he does love you. He's standing here and he does love you. I love you."

The kiss happened so quickly and god she couldn't explain it but she wanted it. She got lost in it feeling the comfort of his perfect lips on hers. It made her crying less intense and her convulsing began to steady. It was heaven until she quickly realizes what she is doing and breaks from him quickly turning away confused at her action and feeling ashamed. How could she be doing this again to Liam and to Giulia? She looks around afraid that someone may have just witnessed this moment of weakness

He is breathless and his face so handsome and happy at what has just transpired. Before anyone of them can say anything they hear voices as the door to the sitting room swings open. It is Giulia who comes running out her green eyes brilliantly shinning as she rushes towards them unable to contain herself.

Conrad's voice booms behind her, "By some strange miracle of God Tina has stirred and woken. She's conscious Trevor! She's alive!"

So Antony's little plan hadn't worked after all. It was a bittersweet victory. For once he did not get his way in victimizing someone. Tina had fought back. It was unaccepted but maybe this was a sign of Antony's undoing.

"What?" says Carla stunned. How was this possible? It was miracle indeed. Her and Trevor exchanges looks conveying more than this surprising news.

"Only just Caroline, but still it is a sign. She may even be able to say what happened to her. I don't know how she is alive but she is. So I will not question it."

"Trevor!" shouts Giulia practically jumping into his arms ignoring her mother completely and giving him a hug, "Tina is alive. I'm so happy."

He slowly wraps his arms around her in shock telling her this is all wonderful news. But his eyes don't leave Carla once…his eyes say it all.

"_I love you."_

But Carla can only think about how she has screwed up once again. How did it even get to this point? When did everything get so out of hand? She was supposed to love Liam, wasn't she? She sure had a funny way of showing it. And now her words met very little because she couldn't even say a definite no back to all which Trevor wanted.


	93. Chapter 93

Liam knew something was wrong. He just had a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach and had been tossing and turning all night. When he finally fell into an onset of sleep he heard a whisper

_Carla_

And immediately his vivid blue eyes flew open looking up into the ceiling and he then and there that Carla was not okay. Before he could even gather his thoughts or adjust himself in his bed, the door to his room opened. It was his sister Michelle and she looked very on edge.

"What's wrong?" Liam says he can read his sister and knows something has happened, "Michelle what is wrong?"

"It's Carla—"

"What?" says Liam panicking and immediately swinging his body out of the bed. He was full of fear his mind racing with the worst possible scenarios of what may have happened to Carla. Had Antony hurt her? Was the baby okay? "What has happened to her Michelle?"

"Nothing," says Michelle rather quickly reading the panic in his eyes, "Well I mean nothing has happened to her directly but she is rather upset."

"Can you spit it out please," says Liam beginning to lose his patience. He was feeling like a fool for ever allowing Carla to be put into such a dangerous situation back at the Palace and now was regretting ever pushing so hard for her to stay there.

"Maria told me that Antony's side girl Tina took a nasty fall down the stairs. She was thought to be dead—"

"What do you mean thought to be dead? And where is Carla? How is she?"

"They thought she had died. Only the poor girl has lost the child she was carrying which is a tragedy in itself."

"How is Carla?" Liam repeated for what he felt was the billionth time. He walked towards his closet hastily throwing it open and looking for something to quickly change into.

"She is obviously very shaken. Maria says she witnessed a bit of it, called her after things had settled down."

"I am going over there immediately," Liam announces. He is shaking himself very upset that Carla has been put in such danger and all at the insistence of his plan. There was no doubt in his mind that Antony was behind this. Where ever young girls turned battered and assaulted, Antony was sure to be the number one cause.

"What? And throw away everything, your whole cover and all? Liam don't be ridiculous—"

"I am going to that Palace right now. I don't care about anything else. I just need her to be okay."

"She isn't there Liam! She's at Maria's brothers home. He lives close to Antony she called for Maria and asked if it would be okay if she could ask her brother to stay there for a while. Maria is coming from London first thing in the morning."

"Alright then, we're going to Kirk's place," says Liam calming down a bit. He was glad Carla had smartly removed herself from Antony's clutches.

"That was the plan," says Michelle her tone was one of annoyance, "Before you started harping on me and didn't bother giving me time to finish. Thomas is going to drive us. He was up with me all evening anyways and mummy them are still sleeping so we'll be safe to sneak away."

"Fine," says Liam, "And Cillian is still sleeping?"

"Like a baby. I checked on him briefly before I came to tell you the news. Now get dressed quickly because Maria told me Carla sounded like a crying mess on the telephone."

Michelle quickly left the room leaving Liam to quickly change out of his nightwear and into a casual outfit. Within minutes he was ready to go and quietly found his sister together they left the house and Thomas crept down the long drive and away from estate property. Liam checked his pocket watch it was near 3:00 am in the morning.

"When did the Tina girl take her fall?" Liam asks Michelle. He wanted every single detail so he could figure out best how to calm down Carla.

"Shortly after 9:00 I believe. That's what Maria claims anyways. Carla knows all the details I'm sure. But it so sad to think a girl of seventeen surviving all of that only to learn she's lost the baby."

"I think she is probably grateful to be alive darling," remarks Thomas. He had not spoken much at all since Liam and Michelle had entered his car.

"Thomas is right Michelle, although I think it is Antony who is probably very furious at the moment. I think it is obvious he meant for the girl to die."

"It isn't obvious at all Liam," says an exasperated Michelle, "Now I know you hate the fellow—"

"And with good reason," mutters Thomas.

Michelle ignores her husbands remark turning her full attention to Liam, "I know you hate the Gordon fellow and everything but to accuse him of attempted murder from the get go is not sensible. Your judgment is clouded, he is an abuser before a murderer so I bet they only had a scuffle."

"I think I know Antony a bit better than you sis. He probably wants Tina out of the way and I want to know why. Especially since she was the mystery part for us. Remember? When you were telling me all about father's plotting against Carla with Antony. We both agreed that is was very unlikely Antony would be so willing to marry anyone else."

"Yeah," says Michelle remembering the conversation, "We said that no matter how much Antony claims to hate Carla he is still very much obsessed with her. And then you told me to drop it and we'd cross that bridge when we came to it."

"It appears you've crossed the bridge then," remarks Thomas.

"So now what?" says Michelle again ignoring her husband, "We're at the bridge. What do we do? How do we figure out what the hell his intentions were with Tina?"

Liam is racking his brain just trying to think trying to become Antony like he did in these circumstances. Why would Antony try and kill Tina?

"Did Maria say who all else was there at the time of the incident?"

"Yeah she said briefly that Carla was having dinner with her soon to be in laws as well as Alasdair and Antony. Giulia was present as well."

Liam thought this piece of information over and over in his head. It wasn't like Antony to attack anyone woman so openly within the public knowledge of others. He thinks back to what Carla wrote in the letter about the maid he attacked in 1910. He had done so away from the hotel when he had raped her and then tried to drown her. And when he attacked Carla in January of 1920 he made sure to silence her and immobilize her first with chloroform before he tried to kill her. Why would he not do the same with Tina? Why not seclude her before he tried his hand at killing her? It was out of character.

They pulled up to Kirks estate driving through the gates and through the long stretch of highway before pulling up to house. A batch of servants were already waiting to greet them although it was now near 4:00 am. Liam's mind was still in deep though as he proceeded to get out of the car and he was forming his own theories. But before he could jump ahead of himself he needed every detail and every sight, just like Antony would require. As they greeted by Kirk and led down the hallways of his home towards the sitting room where Carla was being kept, Liam felt guilt. He felt guilt for the fact that he wouldn't be of much comfort to Carla but instead would require her to pick every part of her brain remembering this horrible incident. But it was necessary he needed to know why Antony was being so reckless and he needed to figure out his next move now.


	94. Chapter 94

**Hoping this chapter's execution is cohesive enough. Thanks for reading and enjoy. **

_Carla strolled over to her dresser sighing because it is so chilly in the Palace during January. She hoped the servants would get on the task of lighting the fireplaces soon because she felt the cold hitting her right to the bone as she sits down right in front of the mirror. She reaches for her hairbrush and begins pushing it through her strains of raven colored hair._

"_Mrs. Gordon," says Mary appearing in the doorway of the room holding linens to be folded, "You called?"_

"_Yes Mary," Carla says now taking out her emerald earrings a gift from Antony, "Would you draw me a bath? I must look decent for Antony. He is in a foul mood ever since he received that telegram from his father."_

"_No surprise Mrs. Gordon," Mary says walking over to her grabbing the brush and taking over in the task of brushing Carla's hair, "That man with his father—"_

"_-Too many secrets," Carla finishes smiling at Mary. Her servant always seemed to understand everything._

"_Yes Mrs. Gordon," Mary sighs, "Too many secrets in these walls and you'll be glad to stay well clear of them."_

"_But you didn't," whispers Carla now turning to Mary on the verge of tears, "And now you're dead."_

"_Don't be silly. I'm not dead," Mary looks at her strangely, "Where ever would you get that idea from?"_

"_Antony," Carla sputters, "Antony told me—"_

"_Antony?" says Mary putting down the brush and smiling at Carla through the mirror, "Antony is at work Mrs. Gordon. He'll say anything to hurt you. Now about that bath—", Mary strolls away from her in the direction of the bathroom turning on the faucet leaving Carla alone in her thoughts._

"_It's so cold in here," she remarks to herself again looking around for a shawl to wrap herself up in. That encounter with Mary has her shaking her head. Mary is supposed to be dead Antony said so._

_There is a knock at the door._

"_Come in," Carla says irritably and the door flies open with Libby the house keeper walking in, "What do you want?"_

"_Sorry to bother you Mrs. Gordon there has been an incident with this one here in the dinning room."_

_Carla hadn't noticed the girl Libby was dragging by the elbow but this situation seemed all too familiar._

"_It's about Susan Myles again, isn't it?"_

"_Who is Susan?" says Libby giving Carla a confused look gawking at her like she was crazy, "This girl here isn't any Susan."_

_The girl hadn't looked up once at Carla. Her dark hair was drawing over her face and she seemed to be crying, convulsing in a familiar way and Carla couldn't take her hands off of the tremors. She got goose bumps just looking at them._

"_Who are you?" she whispers to the girl, "What's your name?"_

_Slowly the girl raises her head her tear-stained face looking directly at Carla, her green eyes identical. She knew who it was._

"_My name is Caroline Donovan and you need to help me."_

"_I know who you are," Carla says, "What do you want from me?"_

"_No one believes me! No one believes what he did!"_

"_Who?" says Carla quivering although she knows exactly what the girl is talking about._

"_Uncle Aidan—"_

"_Stop that!" Carla suddenly freaks, "Stop that right now! We don't talk about him in this house!"_

"_But he hurts me! You have to help me!" she grabs feebly for Carla's hand._

"_I can't," Carla starts crying now. She can feel the girls tremors, "I can't."_

"_But you're me…please."_

"_No I'm not!" Carla says yanking her hand away because she can't take it anymore, "I'm not you! I am not you! I haven't been you since forever. Caroline is dead."_

"_No she isn't!" the girl screams back frightening Carla with the immense power in her voice, "She isn't! She isn't she isn't she isn't she isn't-..."_

_She won't stop saying it now and her face is contorted with rage almost demonic that Carla wants to hide her face and cower._

"_Stop it," Carla says grabbing the girl by the shoulders and looking at Libby for help. But Libby just stands there saying nothing, "Stop it! Why won't you stop it?"_

"_She isn't dead. She isn't dead. She isn't dead. I AM NOT DEAD!"_

"_STOP IT," Carla begins to shake the girl uncontrollably. Her emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know how to handle them anymore, "GO AWAY!"_

_Her green eyes slowly lose all life in them and her body slumps and she falls unconscious on the floor, Carla is anxious and afraid. What has she done? She has truly lost her mind. And backs away into a corner in the room in a fetal position willing the girl to go away. _

"_Good job darling," says Antony. He had literally appeared out of nowhere, "Your first kill. I never knew you had it in you."_

"_What?" says Carla her lips quivering as she is about to burst into tears, "What are you doing here? Where did you come from?"_

"_It's no matter," he whispers kneeling down next to girl and stroking her head of hair, "We're celebrating…you're just like me."_

"_What are you talking about?!" Carla says hyperventilating, "I'm nothing like you."_

"_Oh yes you are," says Antony smirking down at the figure of the girl, "I killed mine a long time ago… the old Antony long ago. I tell you it's better this way, the only way to be free Carla."_

_He starts to walk towards her and looking around she tries to call out for Mary's help, for Libby, anyone at all. But Libby has now disappeared and the tub in the bathroom had long since stopped running._

"_Don't come near me," Carla says crouching even closer to the wall, but he just shakes his head laughing. She doesn't understand what is going on._

"_Don't fight it Carla. Just give in."_

"_I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Carla screams_

"_You do though," he says bending now next to her his eyes soulless and his smile chilling, "You just have to commit to it. You have to demand respect. You have to demand they call you Carla. You have to commit to who you really are."_

"_You don't respect me. Don't touch me!"_

"_I care about you more than you'd like to admit Carla. I know you more than anyone. You and me we're from the same cloth."_

"_I'm not a monster—" She tries to move away from him but he grabs her arm holding her in place as he bends his head to whisper in her ear._

"_But like me you changed yourself. Tony stopped existing when I was a little boy. My governess, I am sure my father has complained to you about her babying me, but she was the only kindness I had as a child. And she used to call me Tony, little Tony! And then father, well father told me about mother one day and well…you know the story. I was never the same since. Antony was born and when I trekked through all that jungle in my youth he was cemented."_

"_You had a choice," says Carla feebly, "You always have a choice."_

_He ignores her shaking his head at her perceived naivety, "And I chose to be Antony. Don't you ever wonder why I used to hit you so hard when you wouldn't call me as such? I don't like for little silly Tony to come out. He's such a helpless pathetic dreamer and no dreamer ever survives this place. It I'll eat you alive. You know this, don't you?"_

_Carla says nothing because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a response. To let him think he is getting to her. Because she had a choice to and like him she chose differently._

"_You know this. You know Caroline is the little dreamer with all her hopes for ballet school, all the smiles. It pains you too much to go back to her," he nods his head in the direction to the lifeless girl in front of them, "Which is why she is lays dead right over there. You confronted your greatest hindrance. "_

_He begins to kiss her cheek and Carla again tries to move away but he has her in his grip still. His eyes are pure evil._

"_That's why we are perfect for one another Carla. We're much the same, with the same demons chasing us, refusing to believe that we don't want to go back to that past. They don't believe we are healthy here or that we are good. But we embrace our ugliness, you embraced Carla and I Antony."_

"_Stop it," Carla whimpers, "Stop it," she is about to cry at the horribleness of what he is saying. But she can't take her eyes off the girl nor can she escape the thing she has said over and over in head. The thing she has even uttered to Liam._

_**Caroline died a long time ago. It's been Carla since I was fourteen years old**_

"_Shhh," Antony whispers, "You have to commit to it."_

"_I won't. I don't want to be like you. Have anything similar to you. I won't be like you!" she starts to cry._

"_It's okay Carla. They can't hurt you unless you let them. Keep her out. Keep Caroline out," he grabs her hand and holds it in his own extending it to point at the figure on the floor, " She won't survive here, not in this palace and neither will Tony. That's why you just have to forget who you once were, you have to learn to keep them out."_

"_Stop it Antony! Stop saying it! Stop it."_

_But he is deaf to her pleas and strong against her protests. Staring at her with the coldest of eyes he utters again, "You have to commit to Carla. You have to keep her out. Keep her out Carla, keep Caroline out!"_

She woke up in the complete darkness of the sitting room. Panting in a cold sweat her clothing was drenched. It had only been a nightmare, the most horrible nightmare. She was at Maria's brothers place, having gone there after the incident, which occurred earlier at the Palace. And now all she kept having were horrible nightmares that were just not letting up. She scrunches up on the couch just huddling in the darkness and being left with her crazy and unsettling thoughts. The dream had seemed so real and she had seen Libby and Mary again. But she also seen her fourteen year old self.

She had asked for help, but unlike with Susan Myles Carla had turned her away. It was earth shattering because this revelation that spoke volumes about her own self-hatred. That deep down somewhere in the back her mind she still agreed with the horrible things her father had made her believe; that it was her fault what her uncle had done. She couldn't bear to stare at the pitiful little girl in that dream and she wanted her to go away.

It reminded Carla of Liam too, how his face had been when she first blurted out her little secret. He had had so much pity and she couldn't stand it that she wanted to make him hurt in that moment. She wanted to make him feel pain and anguish anything at all to direct the pity away from her. So she had lied about Cillian to him just so she could deflect away her pain. And like in the dream she tried to shake these feelings away and do anything but help.

It was this refusal of this help though from others that had killed her innocence so long ago. It was this refusal that allowed Carla to take root, the survivalist that just existed in the everyday world rather then actually living in it. Carla was the one that pulled her back into traps and bad decisions time and time again and let her make the same mistakes over and over. It was the thing that decided she had to be different from what she once was. Carla was toxic.

She shivers just thinking of how scary Antony had been in the dream. The things he had said to her, they were unsettling not by there very nature but for the fact that she found herself identifying with every single word. What did it say about her that she could relate to her husband when he talked about how he felt about his name? How _little Tony_ stopped existing once his father told the horrible truth about his mother. She had heard it from Alasdair's own mouth once.

_"I watched him as boy, when I could still stand to live at the Palace on my weeks home from the Congo mines. I knew he was dreaming of her, thinking what had she been like. It bothered me because he wouldn't move on, he would cry and cry and his governesses would coddle him. I just didn't understand his need for comfort; my own father never comforted me. So Caroline, I told him the whole story about his mother and how she threw herself off the balcony without a second thought for him cracking her skull open and leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces."_

He simply came out of his room one day and Antony was born. A boy full of hatred a boy hardened by circumstance, who then gave up on the promise of the Palace. He never mentioned his mother again and acted like she didn't affect him. He accepted that in order to survive he had to abandon his dreams and she understood completely because she had done the same. She had to abandon her dreams once her uncle violated her because it was the only way to survive the brutal nature of his act. It was the only way to survive her father's coldness and her mothers indifference. So too was the same for Antony, he had to become someone else in order to come to terms with the violent ending his mother chose to take over staying with him in this world. They were a lot alike in that regard, they had secrets gnawing at them and threatening to tear them apart.

_Caroline-Carla_

_Tony-Antony_

They were indeed much alike. Carla sighs to herself just thinking how simple it all was. How she had been building herself up to survive before Alasdair even told her the history behind the palace, and how strange it was that her and Antony both coped with the place in similar ways. How he who knew all about those walls acted so similar to her who knew nothing.

"_Everyone leaves their mark Caroline. Everyone who passes through these walls, they leave their mark for the next set to discover…"_

Carla sat up now at this little faint whisper of Alasdair voice in her ear her mind now spinning and thinking over and over about that dream.

"Tina," she whispers to herself. Antony had left her so out in the open an so easy secret to discover. Why?

"_It's all too much for him…this Palace."_

Why was he so interested in holding onto the place then? If he hated it so much and all it stood for, why was he fighting so hard to keep it? Nothing was making any sense. It had to be more then just getting back at his father and trying to one up him with Giulia. Her mind is rushing with thoughts.

"…_they leave their mark for the next set to discover."_

He hadn't even bothered to cover it up, what had happened with Tina. He didn't even come down the stairs.

"_Won't you come down and help this girl?"_

"Frank," Carla whispers announcing yet another player. What had he been he doing upstairs whilst everyone else was having dinner? Why would he be upstairs if Antony and Tina were supposed to be going to bed?

_"Sadly Doctor Foster will not be joining us tonight. Something urgent has come up and he sends his regards."_

Something urgent…something urgent…

"_Come Tina…"_

Antony had announced that out of nowhere in the middle of decent table conversation. He had somewhere to be, bed or no bed and that was vital Tina come with him. She sees the image of Tina pouting and throwing back her chair, the napkin falling the plate. It was very haughty, spoiled, and uncomfortable. The whole performance had left everyone uncomfortable. The way he dragged her from the room and no one bothered to say anything, in the moment Carla figured it was perhaps because they were accepting of Antony's authority over Tina. But now she remarks how Conrad found Tina almost comical the whole evening and how Vivian did not put up much of a fight in her defense. It was because they found something almost off about the girl, like it was an act, the whole thing a performance not to be taken seriously. A performance…

That bed had not been slept in by anyone. Not even a ruffle perhaps to be left by Tina who would at least have sat down on it if she expected to sleep. But maybe she didn't expect to sleep, maybe she knew exactly what was coming.

"_There's nothing to help…the girl is as good as gone."_

But she did wake. She woke against all odds. Conrad himself said it was a miracle. And the way Frank smirked it was as though he was gloating in her likely death but now looking at it from a different context the look meant something else. Like he knew she wouldn't die all along.

"_We have to make Antony believe that I don't love you anymore. And the only way to do that Carla is if everyone who witnessed that fight believes it too. That way we all our corners covered…"_

"Of course," Carla says. How could she be so stupid? How could she not have seen it? It was Libby told her, we only saw what we wanted to see.

"_YOU KILLED TINA!"_

"_No I didn't…for all you know father, Tina and I left dinner shortly after 9'oclock…you don't know all it is that you saw."_

It was ridiculous and impossible. Antony was playing at her and Liam's game. It was exactly like the fight at Maria's house, and an audience had been gathered. Certain points had been made, like the fact that the Doctor wouldn't be present. Antony made it a point abruptly demand Tina go to bed and she made an equal effort to convey anger. It was making Carla panic. Liam had worked so hard trying to figure out a way to beat Antony at his own game and had finally arrived at a genius plot. And yet it also seemed Antony was fiddling in the same sort of plot. But then again Liam was thinking like the enemy to beat the enemy at his own game. So now it would seem inevitable that Antony arrived at the same sort of plotting. Now the question was for whom was the show intended?

"_You don't know all it is you saw."_

Perhaps Alasdair was the main target. Carla wasn't even sure she was Antony's radar anymore, at least not for the time being. The performance must have been for Giulia too. He had really get at his daughters heartstrings and attack his father from where it would hurt the most. That explains why everyone else was losing their minds in emotion. It only served to heightened poor Giulia's despair and that's what her father wanted.

But it didn't explain the cockiness of the doctor, nor did it explain Antony's attempts to not appear to be so guilty. This part still made no sense, but it surely had a purpose and was done with intention. So was it? Carla had to find out. Why was he putting everything so seemly out in the open?

"…_they leave their mark for the next set to discover."_

It was obvious now that Antony wanted for something to be discovered. And it was much more than a dinner party falling upon Tina's battered body. It had to be trap and bait, because his behavior was so blatantly careless it could not be ignored. People were sure to talk, to question it, to go searching for answers.

This makes Carla shiver and she thinks about the dream and something Mary had said to her.

"_I'm not dead…"_

Sure it was just a dream but had Antony lied about killing Mary, Libby and Edson? Had he purposely lied to make her believe the truth was one thing when it was really another? And why? Why lie about it? Why make himself look more bad and allow his father to be open to the possibility of calling the police?

"Because," she whispers now, "Because he wants you to go digging. He wants to check stories, get facts."

Just like with Liam's plot, they had set up Peter and Ciaran and the servants so that if Antony went looking for validity all his sources would check out fine. He most likely wanted her to question Tina about the fall so that girl could misguide her and give Carla false recollections. But Carla is convinced this whole incident with Tina is only part of her husbands plan. It had to be a trap and smoke screen, a cover for something much more sinister. Now it was up to Carla to figure out just what this more sinister detail was.


	95. Chapter 95

**There are probably a lot of grammatical errors but I promise to clean them up tomorrow. I am just posting the latest chapter now because I promised a few people I would. Thanks for reading **

"I'm not like him, am I?" Carla whispers in Liam's ear.

He was holding her doing his best to comfort her after such an eventful night. She was shivering and Liam draped his coat around her as they sat alone in Kirk Sutherland's sitting room. His sister, her husband and Kirk had all been thoughtful enough to give them some much needed alone time. Liam's mind was racing with regret, regret and guilt at ever having put Carla in such a dangerous situation. Carla had filled her in on the whole situation and her suspicions about Antony. It was a lot to process.

"Like who?" he whispers back softly kissing her on the forehead. He dreaded thinking what her answer might be. He hated this whole situation.

"Antony," she whispers, "I'm not like him right?"

Liam glanced down at Carla his look one of confusing and surprise wondering whatever could have brought this sort of question on. He wondered what else had happened last night? She had already filled him in on the fall and that Tina lost the baby, but it seemed that she was holding information and had a lot more on her mind then she cared to share.

"Of course you're not. Why would you ever think that?"

"I can't help what I think Liam. Or what I feel, sometimes what I feel is even worse."

"But why would you ever think your like him?" says Liam his concern growing he clasps Carla's face so that she will look at him. Her eyes are watering and her lips quivering, "Carla what happened?" The question isn't about Tina or any of the events that occurred that previous night even, he just wants to know what happened to this woman he loves in general. What could bring her back to this helpless state time and time again? It broke his heart.

"I-," she starts before abruptly closing her mouth again.

Liam can feel her body shaking and her breathing is labored. He holds her more close to him, "It's okay. Whatever it is you can tell me, okay."

"It's Antony," Carla whispers, "Things just—with him I wonder. I just wonder."

"Wonder what?" Liam says getting very worried about where this all may be going. The last then he needed was for Carla to become more stressed because of that man. Liam would lose his mind of anything happened because of the stress he put her in. He couldn't bear if something happened to the baby.

"I wonder what he could've been, what he could've been if his mother chose differently."

"Differently how?" Liam whispers now clasping her hands in his. He can feel those bloody tremors and he wishes that he could make them go away and take away her pain, "Men like Antony—there is no hope for them."

Carla seems to not be listening. She continues on, "He was only weeks old, when she did it you know? What kind of mother would just take their own life like that?"

"Antony's mother did?" Liam says surprised. He had no idea about this but then again why should he. He never pretended to be a friend to man and had no interest in his family but it did explain Liam's mothers comment about Antony referring to her as the mother he never had.

"Yes," whispers Carla, "She did. She jumped off the third story balcony. Alasdair said she smashed her skull open."

"How can you believe anything either of those men say Carla," Liam says wanting to protect her from all the ugliness of this world. She had already experienced too much, "They tell good stories. But every story has a purpose; they manipulate people for their own gain. They've lied so much they don't even know what the truth is anymore."

"Well I believe it," says Carla asserting herself, "I believe Alasdair when he says what his wife did. I believe it because I can see it. I judge her but I can see it, because I could picture myself doing the same. I wanted to do the same so many times in my life."

"But you didn't," Liam whispers, "And makes all the difference. We can't take back the past and if Antony's mother truly did what she did, it is a tragedy for everyone. But it doesn't excuse what Antony is, or why he turned out the way he has."

"That place destroys people Liam. I think it eats away at someone resolve and soul day by day until there is nothing left to take. It's already taken Tina."

"Tina's alive—"

"Tina has no morals," Carla snaps, "Tina was in all the whole charade. I can just feel it. She was willing to sacrifice her child for some greater plan."

"Carla," Liam exclaims. He is truly taken aback by such a statement, "I don't think she would do that. I mean Tina is dumb and naïve but she would assist in the murdering of her own child. A least I would hope not."

"Well Liam you believe the best in people sometimes. But I stopped doing that long ago. I know I am right about Tina. Thinking back I remember some of the stuff Alasdair said to me about the girl."

"Like what Carla?"

"Like the fact that Alasdair had no idea where Antony picked her from. Like the fact that Antony would ever even be with her in the first place when he clearly still—" she stops speaking thinking better then to continue the statement.

Liam however knows exactly what she was going to say and he wants to hear her say. He felt a bit annoyed if not jealous, "He clearly still what Carla? Loves you?"

"I know him more than anyone Liam," Carla says.

"What does that mean?" Liam replies his patience wearing thin. The thought of Antony and Carla sharing anything outside of Giulia made him physically ill, What do you mean when you say you know him more than anyone?"

"There are secrets haunting him, demons…I know what it's like to have demons fighting you. That's all I mean, nothing romantic or intimate."

Liam did not like to hear that. He did not like to think about what else may be haunting his Carla. All he knew was that he wanted her to be safe and that he regretted putting her into that situation at the Palace to begin with. It had been Tina who lost a baby this time; it could very well be Carla next. He'd have to figure out some other method, some other way to dismantle the Gordon's. it was a good thing the ex-pat Bentley Wise would be making his way from Cairo in the next few days.

He felt Carla thinking about things like suicide and similarities to Antony were dangerous. It was the sort of thinking he wanted to discourage. He wanted to keep those dark and cruel thoughts, which consumed her existence out. In fact it was his duty as a father to Cillian to ensure that Carla was healthy and happy. She couldn't be either as long as she was around the likes of Antony and his father Alasdair.

"I think," he says, "I think you need to go back to London with Maria. First thing when she arrives in the morning, you need to go back with her."

"What?" says Carla turning around in his lap. She is in total shock, "Why?"

"Because it is not safe for you here with what happened."

Liam had decided it best to stick to his original plan developed in Cairo with Samuel. Bentley Wise said he knew some unsavory characters and that these associates could kill Antony, as will as her uncle Aidan. Carla would never need to know. He just wanted Antony out of the way for good. Liam was tired of the man intruding on his every happiness and at first the idea of a battle of wits was intriguing but now Liam was just getting mad. At every damn corner Antony was pulling out something new. He had a billion plots going on at once and on top of that so did his father Alasdair. Liam's own father was probably still plotting Carla's death. So it was simple, he'd just have to remove those who were putting such ideas of murdering Carla in his fathers head from the picture. That way his fathers money would be free and Fionnbharth could regain some of his sanity. It was decided, Liam would just have Antony killed. But Carla couldn't be around for it he wouldn't have her involved.

"What if I refuse," Carla says stubborn as ever, "What if I refuse to go?"

"Then I put in the car myself and drive you back there. And this isn't an argument Carla, it's an order."

"You need me here," she says her voice shaking, "We're a team. You said we couldn't get off course."

"I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby Carla. You have to go back with Maria. I can take care of things here."

"I'm not leaving Liam. We're supposed to do this together. I think I found out stuff about Antony tonight and if you just hear me out—"

"It is not going to change my decision Carla."

"Don't!" Carla says jumping off of him, "Don't even dare order me around Liam!" She is furious.

Liam felt she was being a brat again. She didn't see the bigger picture and that she almost got hurt. Carla refused to see his intentions as good and that he was only trying to do what was right by the baby.

"Don't throw a tantrum Carla. You're going back to London and that's that."

"I will not be ordered around by you! It isn't fair Liam, not when I think I've made such a breakthrough. If I could stay around a while longer with Antony—"

"I don't want you anywhere near him," Liam says partly out of annoyance for her identifying with him and partly for her better safety, "I made mistake with this plan and now you've got to leave. Maria will take you back."

"I'm not going!"

"Lower you're voice will you? We are guests in Kirks house—"

"Maybe then you stop trying to tell me what to do! Maybe you should just accept that I want to be here with you Liam and Cillian!"

Liam is losing his patience, "Which is exactly why you have to leave Carla! Oh my god what is wrong with you?!"

"Don't you oh my god me! Don't you dare treat me like a child!" Carla is now stepping away from him, she looks violate and incensed with anger.

Liam does not understand this crazy reaction. To him she was just being a spoiled princess like always when she didn't get her way but to hell if he ever allowed any reason to walk out on him again. He was putting his foot down for the baby. Antony would surely harm her and the child both. He grabs for her hand and she pulls it away glaring at him.

"Are you really doing this right now Carla?' Liam says, "Are you really acting like a spoiled brat?"

"I AM NOT BEING SPOILED LIAM! I want to stay with you."

"And I want you to back to London."

"Well then I hate you!" she screams.

'You're ridiculous, you know that? Carla see some sense!"

"You're just mad because I said I could relate to Antony Liam! You think it means something more then it does but guess what it DOESN'T! I've had a stressful night. I saw some horrible things and I thought maybe the man I loved would be willing to comfort me. But no, instead I get you ordering me around!"

"Carla you are overreacting. Think about the baby—"

"THE BABY IS FINE LIAM! What you think I can't take care of our unborn child?"

"W-what?" the statement is so ridiculous Liam wants to laugh. He wondered what this all was really about. She usually got defensive when she felt guilty like she had something to hide, "Do you hear yourself Carla?"

"Perfectly Liam," she snaps, "Do you hear yourself? Ordering me around? Making me go back to London? I can't be away from you like this! At least at the palace I know you'll be close by. I could stay with Kirk even—"

"I want you back in London and that's final. Carla just drop it already. You're lucky I'm telling you know inside of ushering you into a waiting car as soon as Maria arrives."

"I hate you right now," Carla fumes, "I hate you so much!"

"Hate me for a million years," says Liam, "Just don't upset the baby." He would hear no more on the subject.

Carla wasn't dropping it though; "I could just throw something right now! Liam you are so insensitive. I've been through so much last night and instead of being there for me you are pushing me away like a—like a BASTARD!"

"Well then," says Liam not bothering to take the insult to heart, "I guess I'm a bastard then. I guess because I want to protect you from that scum Antony Gordon I am a bastard. GO FIGURE!"

"I'm leaving!" Carla screams now turning on her heel and heading to open the door.

But Liam wont have her going anywhere, not until she has calmed down especially for the sake of the baby.

"You are going nowhere Carla. You will do anything to upset the baby. Just stay with me okay."

"I don't want to be near you right now," Carla says on the verge of tears, "Not when you are ordering me around like I'm your daughter or something."

"Oh for goodness sake woman! I just want what's best for you!"

"Explain how pushing me away is best for me Liam? Please I am all ears!"

"It's simple Carla! If you stay around here he will find a way to hurt you—"

"But if I go I will never know what I could have found about all his plans. If I could just use what has happened with Tina to my advantage—"

"NO! No Carla," Liam says glaring at her. Her persistence could be annoying sometimes, "I can't let anything happen to you. The risk—"

"I am willing to take it! You said I should be strong and so what I can. You said at anytime things were getting difficult I could tell you. Well things are fine Liam! I can handle it."

"I am not going to allow it Carla. It's final! What don't you get? I love you and it's because I love you that right now I am being a selfish idiot, a bastard even! I don't care. But if anything happened I would never forgive myself." He could see her slipping further and further away from him and he needed someway to make her understand how guilty he felt for the whole stupid plot to begin with, "I don't know how to say it Carla—"

"Don't say anything! It will be a waste of words."

"Carla," he whispers walking towards the door and shutting it close. He stares into her green eyes. They look exhausted and marred with sadness. He needed to make her understand, " I need to know that there is more to this life and I can't know that of Antony kills you," he said it as best he could that she was his soul mate and he was lost without her.

"Liam," she says he demeanor softening immediately under such a strong statement, "Nothing is going to happen. I promise. Please let me stay, please let me just stay with you. I don't want to fight anymore."

"I know. It's been a long night and morning," Liam says grabbing for her hand. She doesn't resist his touch and instead grips it tightly.

"How is our Cillian?" she says smiling at him.

"Fast asleep still. He has a guardian angel looking after him. Michelle asked Paul to look in on him during the night and Paul needs something to do. It takes his mind off of things."

"Good," she whispers stepping closer to him and wrapping her arms around his waist.

He savors this moment. Just taking in the scent of her, feeling the warmth of her body. They could talk about London later. He still wanted to send her back there so that he could just have Bentley Wise do his job with her out of the crossfire. He wanted Carla to be oblivious and completely innocent. Liam would not have her play party to his renewed need to revenge against Antony and her uncle. Carla needed to be protected. Nonetheless the London talk could wait until she was better rested and seeing sense. Liam would deal with Antony all on his own. Carla needed to get ready for their baby, she didn't need to be around a bunch of plotting men. Especially Antony, who knew what tricks he had up his sleeve. Who knew what he might try and do to manipulate Carla since she was already sympathetic about his dead mother? Liam couldn't take that chance.


	96. Chapter 96

Carla must've fallen asleep again, sometime after her argument and quick reconciliation with Liam. But she was stirred by a gentle blowing on her face and her lips formed a smile expecting to see her lovely Liam once her eyes opened. But as she took in her surroundings, Carla noticed no one was in the room. How did she even get this room? Liam must've have moved her. Adjusting herself on the bed in one of Kirk's guest rooms she blinks her eyes sporadically adjusting to the light pouring in through the shut blinds. It must have been around 7:00 am in the morning now; she had barely slept. Liam had told her Maria would be here by 9:00 am and although Carla had no intention of going back to London with her, she wanted to get ready to greet her best friend. Still she was so exhausted by the events of last night, what could a few more minutes of rest do. Carla decides to relax again and shuts her eyes. Then there it was again that strange blowing on her face, it sent chills through her body and immediately Carla's eyes fly open looking for the source. She thought she might be going crazy; she must be because no one was there. Carla decided she would just ignore it; the sensation she felt was all in her head.

There was a loud clunk, the sound of something falling to the floor. She opened her eyes in confusion looking around the room at a loss for words as she stares at a bunch of books once on the night stand now scattered on the floor.

"What the hell?" says Carla now pulling back the covers to retrieve the books from the floor. She wanted to keep Kirks place presentable. As she is bending over Carla feels the blowing on her neck and turning around in irritation to confront the culprit she sees that the room is empty, "What is wrong with you Carla?" she says to herself. It must be the lack of sleep; it had to be or many it was her hormones.

"_You can't ignore me forever," says the voice of child a little girl…_

Carla looks down at the books to see a pair of feet encompassing her view and then tracing her eyes up the length of a cotton nightgown until she is looking at those same green eyes, olive skin and long black hair.

"Caroline," Carla whimpers shutting her eyes immediately and willing that girl to go away, "Go away."

"_Can you keep a secret?" she whispers, "Can you keep a secret safe and sound?"_

"Go away."

"_No," she says looking at Carla sternly, "Not until you help me. He hurt me again, he keeps on hurting and I don't know why. He wants me to keep it a secret, to keep our secret safe and sound."_

Carla clenches her eyes shut even tighter. She just wanted this to stop; she wanted the whole thing to go away. Why did she have to relive it? "I can't help you. It happened, and the past is the past. I can't help it now! He got away with it. The past is the past."

"_Is it?"_

Carla hears the helplessness in the girl's voice. It struck her to the core disturbing her, making her experience a strong guilt. But she couldn't be weak right now, if she showed strength maybe Caroline go away. She didn't understand why she was showing up in the first place, that part of her was long dead.

"I'm afraid it is," Carla says holding her stare with those identical green eyes, "Now go away. I can't help you."

"_But it's tearing me apart. I hate secrets, they aren't fun."_

"I can't help you!"

_"You should listen to her Caroline," says the voice of boy. It was Scottish accent and it was coming from behind them._

Carla sees that Caroline's eyes are staring past her now, looking at someone with a look mirroring pure intolerance and disgust. Slowly Carla turns her head to see a young boy of around fourteen with dark brown hair and eyes so black, they seemed to be soulless. He smirks at her highlighting his attractive features.

"_Come Caroline," the boy says, "I told you she wouldn't help you. There is nothing to help."_

"_Please," pleads the voice of Caroline ignoring him ands boring into Carla, "Please help me! You're the only chance I've got! The only chance anyone has got. If you'd just remember who you are—"_

"_STOP IT CAROLINE! You have to let her in all ignorance forget. There isn't any hope for her now. Those walls, they have so many secrets…she doesn't stand a chance. She doesn't understand that everything old can be new again."_

"Antony," Carla whispers. She was going off the deep end.

"_Tony," the boy says snaring at her and then looking at Caroline he holds out his hand, "Come Caroline there is no use anymore."_

"_Please," says Caroline frantically now, "Please! If you won't help me please at least help Giulia!"_

"What?" says Carla her mind rushing, "What do you mean?"

She knew Antony threatened to kill their daughter before he ever let Alasdair take her away, but Carla could never believe of him. Antony only truly cared for his daughter his threays meant nothing. Carla had reassured herself of this.

"_Tina was just the beginning! The baby, the plotting! You have no idea what he has in store for you—"_

"_CAROLINE!"_

"What do you mean? What else has he planned? What is Antony going to do to Giulia?"

"_Who says it's Antony?" says the boy, "You don't know everything you saw and as for the things you have never seen and have yet to see—"_

"_You can't leave. Whatever you do, you can't leave. Don't let Liam take you from Paradise Palace—"_

Like a ghost the girl had seemingly switched places rather quickly as she was now being pulled away from the door hinges by the boy. Carla is panicking because she wants to know more. She wants an explanation behind what was happening. She thought she had it all figured out.

Carla rushes forward ignoring the boy as he stares unsettlingly at her and focuses all her attention on Caroline, "What do you mean? What is he up to that Liam and I don't already know about? What more secrets can Alasdair be harboring from me?"

"_You'll only know if you stay," says Caroline, "You'll only know if you stay! You can't let them win you have to stay. They'll ruin Giulia, like they destroyed everyone else before her and after her."_

"Her? Giulia? Who?" Carla was getting frustrated, "Who is the 'her' you speak of?"

"_They'll ruin her. Please stay."_

"_Or you can go," smirks the boy his tone all knowing, all encompassing like he is privy to some greater knowledge, "You can go and let the secrets stay hidden where they are, where they belong…the choice is yours. It's often easier to forget the past," he smirks again his look is one of pure evil as he adds," And even easier to remember it. But like I said it is your choice."_

"What am I suppose to remember? I don't understand. What am I supposed to be remembering? I remember so much already! What more do you want?!"

"_You don't know all it is that you saw…"_

"Whom are you talking to Carla?" says Liam standing in the doorway completely shocked and at a loss for words at whatever he has just stumbled upon.

Carla looks up at Liam in utter confusion. Where did he come from? She could have sworn that she was talking to the two children, to the past Antony and her former self. It didn't make any sense and she could never tell Liam what had just happened or he would send her back to London for sure. He might even have her under observation if he was worried about her sanity. She had to maintain a normal front and figure out what the hell was going on inside of her. It was messed up; Antony was getting to her once again. He always found away to threaten everything that she loved.

"No one," Carla says quickly smiling weakly at Liam. It was just another secret in the long list of many, which she was now keeping from him. But she told herself it was for his protection. He would never believe her if she told the truth anyways, not about this. Quickly she gives him a kiss on the lips to hinder any further questioning.

"Hmmm," Liam says eyeing her suspiciously but accepting her kiss all the same, "Well I was just coming to check on you. Kirk's housekeeper is making breakfast and Kirk wanted to know if you were up for any food. I could bring it to you."

"No," says Carla, "It's no worry. I can come downstairs and eat with you guys. Are Michelle and Thomas still here?"

"Yes they are. But you should get some rest before Maria gets her to take you back to London," again he said with absolute authority indicating the decision was still final and there would be no room for disagreements.

Carla really didn't have the energy to argue about that right now. She just smiles but no way in hell would she up and leave now with that scary, dream, vision, or whatever it was. They had told her Giulia was in danger and Carla would never abandon her daughter again like she had in January of 1920. She would not leave her daughter alone in that place.

"I'll come down with you," Carla says, "I just have to pick all these books up off the floor," She gestures to the pile on the floor behind her.

"What books?" says Liam his eyes drifting over the floor.

Carla turns around seeing for herself that there are in fact no books strewn about. The collection sat right on the nightstand right where Kirk had arranged them. Carla doesn't know what to think anymore. Her mind was one of complete confusion. Shaking her head she clasps her temple, she felt ill and weak with fatigue.

"Carla?" Liam whispers, "Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

"The baby is fine. I just think I need a minute. You go on ahead," again she says smiling up at him reassuringly. Hugging him one last time she looks over his shoulder.

They are standing there side by side, staring at her. Raising their fingers to their lips in unison daring Carla to keep this little secret, another secret from Liam. She was beginning to think she would never understand the true nature of that place, that Palace. She was beyond frightened; she was terrified to the bone. What the hell was happening to her?


	97. Chapter 97

**Sorry to all those who have been waiting so long for this update. Hope it is good enough. Also a quick thank you to dipdipmyblueship who helped me out with this chapter and one specific idea lol. Thank you to everyone who reads this story and also to all the lovely reviewers. Enjoy!**

Liam didn't know what to think as he descended Kirk Sutherland's staircase his next destination to the dinning room; he knew what he had heard, Carla had been talking to someone. It wasn't like the nonsensical conversations one often had with oneself; it was like she was one contributing part to a two party conversation. He once again had that sinking feeling of doom, that feeling that Carla was keeping secrets from him, something she had promised to never do again. Something she had decided to give up forever if they were truly ever going to have a chance. Liam felt more and more frustrated as he reached the bottom of the stairs. Antony thrived off of Carla's habit of keeping his secrets as they allowed him some sort of hold on her and all Liam wanted was a way to break that hold for good. Now more than ever it made sense that Antony must die, it was the only way Liam could feel safe in knowing that Carla would not be driven to utter madness and torn from him completely. Antony Gordon had to die.

"Hello Liam," says Maria Sutherland. She was at the front door removing her coat hat and driving gloves handing it to one of her brothers staff, "How are you this morning?'

Liam hadn't even noticed she was there he had been too wrapped up in worrying about Carla.

"Hi Maria," Liam sighs his lack of sleep from the previous night was now catching up to him, "I'm alright I suppose. I mean the best I can be in spite of recent events."

"He's a lunatic," Maria says referring to Antony, "Nothing that man does surprises me anymore. I just hope my darling Carla is alright though. Is she already in the dinning room with my brother?"

"Oh no. She said she'd meet us downstairs after she cleaned up a bit. Shall we go on ahead?" Liam says holding his arm like a proper gentleman to escort Maria to the breakfast.

She smiled fluttering her eyelashes in her adorable Maria ditzy fashion before accepting, "We shall."

"I need a favor from you," Liam says breaking out his signature dazzling smile.

" Oh but of course," says Maria playfully, "What is it this time? Who are we staging a fight for this time?"

"It's nothing like that," Liam responds, "I just need you to take Carla back with you to London after breakfast."

"Whatever for? I can't imagine Carla wanting to come back."

"She doesn't. But her feelings about it cannot be considered. It's too dangerous for her here around that man, especially with what happened to Tina. I can't risk it with Carla or our baby. Tina lost her child, what if the same happens to Carla?"

"I suppose you right," says Maria sighing as the approach the dinning room, the voices from within pull her into a trance for a moment before she responds, "You do know Carla isn't one to go quietly. She will put up a fight."

"I can handle her," Liam says confidently, "All she can muster is a couple of scratches and I can assure you that you won't be the object of her fury. Just get yourself into the drivers seat so that when I put her in you can speed off before she has a chance to open the door."

"You are devious," Maria says grinning, "You know that? Everyone thinks you have the face of an angel but you can be rather cunning when you want to be."

"I think we all can be," Liam whispers before winking and adding, "Some more than others. Can I count on you?"

"Of course! I've been missing my best anyways. I could with proper company outside of my mother and cousin Marianne. So deal it is."

"Good."

They enter the dinning room and greet Michelle, Thomas and Kurt who have already started the meal without them. The conversation is lighthearted and pleasant for a while until Carla enters the room. Liam notices immediately that she looks pale and out of sorts. Her green eyes are scanning the room nervously and Liam, Kurt, and Thomas all rise waiting for her to be seated. Liam immediately pulls out her chair and seats her, so worried about the state of her all he can do is fuss and fuss over her asking Carla what she would like to eat. The whole table follows suite.

"You should have some eggs Carla," says Maria trying to project an upbeat happiness to deflect Carla's doom and gloom, "Some orange juice? Waffles? Fruit salad?"

Carla sat unresponsive and this sort of behavior perplexed Liam. Only moments earlier upstairs she had been kissing him and telling him she would join them downstairs. He had offered to bring the food up, and now Liam was wishing he had since she was acting so strange. What could have happened in those minutes since he left that would cause her to act this way now? She was so damn changeable and it worried him.

"The fruit salad is impeccable," adds Michelle also trying to portray a somewhat happy atmosphere, "I've never tasted a fruit salad so divine."

"It is just fruit salad darling," snorts Thomas, "Not that special."

"Oh be quite Thomas! I am allowed an opinion, you know!"

"And you have quite enough opinions this morning if you ask me," retorts Thomas.

"Alright you two," says Liam trying to stop the silly bickering, "That's enough." He glanced at Carla. He noticed that her hands were shaking as she gripped her fork trying to pick away at the eggs placed in front of her. This was not good. She should be glowing and happy and full of life, it only confirmed what Liam already knew; Antony was slowly creeping into her thoughts and controlling her once again.

She gave up on trying to steady her fork and placed it down on her plate gently accepting defeat before turning her attention to the tea.

"I can get if for you," Liam says quickly and reaches for the tea pot slowly pouring her a cup, "Do you want cream or milk?"

"Whichever," she whispers. Her green eyes have bags, she look exhausted from lack of sleep.

"Milk it is," Liam says pouring some milk and stirring it before handing it back to her, "You must eat something Carla. Some toast, some fruit—"

"I'm fine," she says not even looking at him. Her voice is monotone.

It reminds Liam of the time she had shut down at his mere mention of Doctor Foster when they had encountered him in Cairo. She had literally gone limp, like dead weight, expressionless and immune to any of her surroundings. He noticed her eyes seemed focused on one particular section of Kirks dinning room, like she see something, something no one else could see.

"Carla?" He whispers, "Are you okay?"

Slowly she turns her head to face his acting oblivious to his concern she utters in the at monotone voice, "Yes," before turning it back to that exact same corner of the room.

He look around at the other members of the table to see if they notice this strange fixation as well, but Kirk and Maria are too busy catching up and Michelle and Thomas are still bickering

"Mr. Sutherland," says Kirk's housekeeper entering the dinning room and interrupting the meal, "You have guests out front."

"What?" says Kirk turning away from his sister and raising his eyebrow at his housekeeper quizzically, "I am not expecting anymore visitors today."

"I know sir," says the housekeeper her voice shaking, "But the gentleman and his party are insistent."

"Which gentleman?"

Liam and the table grew quite. Liam too raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

"A Mr. Alasdair Gordon," the housekeeper says," And a large party accompanies him as well."

Liam was taken aback by this and wondered what the hell was Alasdair doing at Kirk Sutherland's home? Had he caught on to Liam and Carla's plotting? Liam was beginning to panic. He and Carla could not be seeing in each other's company. He had to hide. Michelle and Maria it seemed also thought the same thing and were urging him to do so immediately

"Quickly," says Michelle says frantically, "Liam you need to hide."

"What the hell is going on," says Liam losing his temper and glaring at Kirk, "Did you tell Alasdair I was here? That Carla is here?"

"What? No!" says Kirk surprised at Liam's tone, "I'd have no reason in the world to tell him anything. I have no associations with the man. I've been nothing but kind and rather polite in never asking any questions about you lot!"

"Then why is he visiting your house?" Liam says rising from the table indignant about this whole situation. He was becoming so paranoid about Antony and Alasdair's all encompassing power he was beginning to suspect that anyone could be in cahoots with them.

"This is a first time thing," says Kirk also rising from the table but holding his ground, "I don't appreciate your tone Mr. Connor. You're a guest in my house—"

"And he's very grateful for it," says Maria looking anxiously between her brother and Liam, "But there are greater issues at hand. Liam needs to hide," she is trying her best to keep a patient and steady voice but Maria too seems to be on a short fuse.

"Where can my brother hide?" Michelle says following Maria's lead. She glances over at Carla sighing momentarily, a figure who unaffected by all the commotion happening around her. Forcing her eyes back on Maria she asks, "Maria where can Liam hide in this place."

"There is a wardrobe in the sitting room—"

"Mr. Sutherland," interrupts the housekeeper now tapping her foot impatiently, "What shall I tell the gentleman and his party?"

"Oh tell him to wait!" snaps Kirk before turning to his sister and demanding to know what the general plan is.

"How should I know?! Just greet him Kirk, stall him for a bit while we hide Liam."

"Maybe," says Thomas speaking up, "Maybe you ought to seat him in the sitting room so Liam can listen in on the conversation. Find out what his deal is—"

"What about you Carla?" says Michelle gently, " Do you want to go upstairs so you don't have to entertain his company. You look like you could use a little rest"

"I can handle him," Carla says weakly before admitting, "I can endure him at least," gaining more strength she adds, "He's probably just coming to ask me back to Palace for Giulia's sake. I am sure once he discovered I had left this morning he thought naturally I might have gone to stay with my best friends brother. It isn't anything maniacal or genius so we should all just calm down and stop giving them the power they have over us that allows them to scare us."

Liam couldn't articulate the surprise he felt to hear such words come from her mouth. She was the last person he'd ever thought would think this way but Carla was right; they had to stop acting like Antony and Alasdair Gordon were impossible to beat. They had to keep it together.

"So are places then…what are they?" asks Thomas.

"You help Maria with concealing Liam in the Wardrobe," Michelle was now taking control, "I'll help Carla get seated and in position for Alasdair's visit. As for you Kirk, go and knock him dead. Don't get all nervous, those Gordon men like to eat nervous and weak people for breakfast! It's a cakewalk with them, intimidation. But don't let him push you around."

Kirk is taking deep breaths collecting self and wiping the sweat on his brow away with a handkerchief. After a few moments of pep talk he is ready to go as Maria and Thomas whisk Liam away and help put him into the wardrobe. They had to be quick because any second now Kirk would be leading the way and bringing Alasdair into the room.

It wasn't comfortable in the wardrobe and Liam had to scoot down because his height was so long. He was a bit afraid he might become a bit claustrophobic in it and lose his air supply, but he pushed those fears aside as soon as he looked at Carla. He would do anything for this woman that he loved so much, he would gladly die for her, move heaven and earth to give her happiness. Thomas and Maria were about to close him in when Carla lifts herself off the couch and dashes to him at the last moment. She is like a new person again, snapped out of whatever was clouding her thoughts earlier as she grins at him.

"You look ridiculous in there," she smiles her green eyes strangely alive and dancing again when only moments earlier they had been so dead.

Liam was so often confused by her; as much as he loved her it bothered him that she could be so changeable at times.

"It's has it benefits," he jokes trying his best to think about things positive.

"A quick kiss before they lock you in then?" Carla says and leaning forward she brushes his lips just as they hear the sound of approaching footsteps.

"That's enough you love birds," says Thomas pulling Carla away and breaking the embrace, "We've got company."

As Thomas buts Carla back in her area Liam scoots down and with a final thumbs up from Maria he is closed in an impending darkness, with only a crack giving him a view and knowledge of the outside world. This better be worth it he thought? Alasdair had to be destroyed.

"I'm so sorry to intrude on you today Mr. Sutherland," says Alasdair Gordon's voice booming through the room.

Liam felt his voice carried the air of certainty, that Alasdair was always a man in control of his environment. His voice alone inhabited the room like he owned it and Liam tries to adjust his eyes through the crack of the two wardrobe doors, hoping to get a somewhat decent view of the man.

"Not a problem at all sir," says Kirk. He was holding his own rather surprisingly.

"And I see you have company."

Liam has managed to get somewhat of a view, he can see Alasdair with his cold brown eyes scanning the room looking at each of the occupants.

"How horrible of me to infer. Hello Miss. Sutherland, I see you're still in good health. And Mrs. Grant, Mr. Grant," he says nodding his head to Thomas and Michelle. Finally his eyes settle on Carla, "Hello Caroline. I hope you are feeling better after last nights horrible incident."

"I'm fine," Carla whispers weakly trying her best not to look at him.

"You don't look fine," Alasdair booms, "But it's no worry. I have some guests that will cheer you up."

"Guests?" says Carla her voice once again showing signs of fear, "At the Palace? Who?"

"They are here. I can't imagine what's taking them so long—"

"I wondered where they got too," says Kirk nervously, "It was quite a bunch of coats for my servants to handle. It's been such a ling time since I've seen them, any of them."

"Who Kirk?" Carla demands.

"Don't say a word Mr. Sutherland. They want it to be a surprise heaven only knows what is taking so long. Like Mr. Sutherland said they came in right with me."

"I don't like surprises," Carla says.

Liam can see that her body is shaking and he wants nothing more then to burst out of the wardrobe and protect her. But he can't, Alasdair can't know that him and Carla are still together. His heart is beating waiting anxiously for what Alasdair will say next, the room is waiting, waiting hear his every word or in Carla's case be hung by them. Nothing but horrible news could come from his mouth.

"Oh," he whispers in a tone so devious that it is reminiscence of his son, "I promise you'll enjoy this one."

There is more silence and them Liam hears it a collection of footsteps. He wondered just who the _they_ was. It could only be yet another step in Antony's plotting. The voices and paces got louder until they were upon the room. Liam kept his eyes on Carla, just trying to be there for her in spirit and hope that she had it within her to be strong for whatever Alasdair was to spring on her.

"Be strong Carla, "Liam whispers, "Just be strong," whatever it was he wanted her to be strong because he knows she has it in her to be brave. He had written in a letter to Cillian once that his mother was the bravest person he knew; she still is. After all she has suffered he admired her will to carry on.

The door swung open and Liam watches as Carla's face portrays an array of emotions in less than second it truly scared him the look of absolute disgust and terror she had arrived at in this short time.

"Caroline," says a deep voice that Liam has never heard before.

Liam hears Maria Sutherland give out a dramatic gasp and he stares as Carla's eyes scan over the scene in front of her watering as her tremors become more pronounced. Finally Liam watches as she forces herself off the couch and struggles bringing each foot forward to meet that voice that has called out to her. He notices that all the other voices that had been chatting so animatedly before entering this room are now silent waiting for a response.

"Father," she finally mutters her eyes drifting over him, "Mother," her lips are quivering as her eyes fall upon the next face, "Robert," they almost light up again but then all that is washed away as her eyes fall upon the next set of faces, "Aunt Barbara," she says curtly and then she really starts to shake. She can't even bare to look the next person without basically convulsing as utters that name, "Uncle Aidan."

Liam felt his heart drop, it cascading down to the pit of his stomach. That monster was here, here of all places.

"Hello my darling Carla," his voice utters so sickly and sweet masking his true depravity and sickness. It is a sickness and evil in him as he dares to touch her face in front of everyone to let alone dare let his fingers caress her cheek.

Carla nearly flinched repulsed by the use of the name he had given her, of the fact he was reminding of such. Liam felt nothing but murderous thoughts; he could very well kill this man. And maybe it was fate that Aidan was so close, because the better it would be to kill him. Liam found pleasure in the fact that this fool had just signed his own death warrant agreeing to come around these parts.

"What are you doing here?" pips up Maria, "I have not seen you in so long Mr. Connor and Mrs. Connor."

"The wedding of course," says Alasdair answering for both Martha and Mark Donovan. He was clearly enjoying the reaction he got out of his daughter in law.

And this was when Liam got the second shock of the day.

"Our Giulia has decided since Tina's ordeal last night she wants to move the wedding forward. Of course her grandparents had already been persuaded from Ireland long before hand. But Giulia insists upon marrying her great darling, Mr. Trevor Dean. By the way Mr. Dean asks after you Carla. He is worried last night may have given you a bit of a scare—"

Liam didn't even hear the rest. He couldn't believe his ears. Trevor Dean? Mr. Fucking Trevor Dean?! What the hell was he doing at the Palace? What the hell was Giulia doing getting engaged to him? Why was Trevor Dean comforting his Carla?! Carla had failed to tell him this in all the times they had met up. She had a lot of explaining to do. He is furious and way beyond the realms of what is considered normal anger. Because now he was murderous so murderous he was not afraid to admit to himself that he is just plain jealous. And jealousy makes people think horrible things, do horrible things. Liam was so damn jealous, he was seriously considering adding Trevor Dean to his hit list.


	98. Chapter 98

**Paradise Palace-October 1926**

The wedding hadn't gone ahead like Alasdair had wanted it to. But Carla wasn't surprised anymore. She felt perhaps he had bitten off more then he could chew and his refusal to accept defeat would be his own undoing. Antony was using Tina's accident to manipulate Giulia into constantly pushing back the proposed wedding dates. It would almost be entertaining to watch if Carla wasn't so disgusted by the pair of them. She still couldn't get over the fact that Tina had sacrificed her own child for what she was sure was just some ridiculous plotting. Carla was disgusted by many things, mainly the company she was now being force to keep and the company she must do with out.

Liam would barely speak to her anymore. Since the end of June and that fateful visit from Alasdair, which revealed that Giulia's fiancé was Trevor Dean, Liam had nothing to say at all. Michelle would come by and the two women would take Cillian on outings. During these activities Michelle would give little insights into the of Liam's state mind. Apparently he was angry with Carla for continuing to stay at the Palace against his wishes and putting their unborn baby in further danger. He was even more so angry that she allowing herself to be in the presence of Trevor Dean. Carla would just get pissed off when Michelle told her this, because he was the one that suggested she stay at the Palace to begin with in their original plan. He was just being jealous and had no idea what she fighting against, no idea that she had to protect her daughter Giulia from the dangers of that place. Carla felt that if he wasn't going to get it now, she wasn't going to waste her breath explaining things to him. He'd only accuse her of always keeping secrets; not understanding that not telling him everything was what keeps him safe.

Carla did not feel guilty one bit at allowing Alasdair to drag her back to this place even if his tactics were dirty and he had used her family to accomplish this goal. Nothing gave her more satisfaction then seeing that smug face of his smiling down on all his occupants thinking he was like a French King at Versailles; having all the power to watch every single move they all made under the pretense of generosity. Carla was taking full advantage of such ignorance and she was watching things too. There were secrets in these Palace walls and she was determined to uncover each and every one of them.

She observed her family dynamics with a calculated eye. Her father Mark was still as shrewd as ever and her mother just as oblivious and as ever devoted to him. Her aunt Barbara was still passive aggressive and willfully ignorant of her husbands true nature. The Palace was fitting for them, Carla thought. It was so fitting that neither couple showed any signs of wanting to return to their own homes anytime soon. Mark Donovan indulged in all the trappings Carla's marriage could buy, her uncle was as devious as ever and her aunt and mother continued to live in ignorant bliss. It was as Alasdair once said about his wife and all the women who ever inhabited this place; they didn't live in the real world. But Carla felt it wasn't just the women, no one did.

In the months following June more people were in and out of the Palace, which benefited Carla in many ways. Robert left briefly for a time in August only to return in September with his wife Ruth, they seemed to be waiting on the wedding Antony intended to never happen. Carla's only cousin Marie also stopped in periodically to visit the family which was surprising as well as good because Marie was nothing like her parents and the two cousins had always gotten along. Trevor and his father Conrad were also in and out of the Palace leaving at the beginning of July to take care of the family business back in the Congo. They didn't return until the end September as well, but still Carla was surprised when they did return neither of Trevor's brothers seemed to be at hand. The family seemed secretive about them, most especially the youngest son Julian. Carla felt almost tempted to ask Maria if she could get her mother Dorothy to pick any gossip she could about him. Antony also had many visitors in the months that followed, outside of Doctor Foster he was now entertaining fellow classmates of his own holing himself up in his study with these men for hours on end. It infuriated Alasdair to no end because like Carla he probably guessed that this was yet another cover for Antony's constant and incessant plotting.

Carla benefited greatly from all the noise and busy happenings of the Palace these days. It allowed for her to snoop around unnoticed by the busy guests and she perfected the role her father had instilled in her all those years ago of not to be seen or heard. She heard a lot of pointless things, like Tina pouting over servants cleaning or her own mother droning on and on about God. But she was keeping her eyes and out for when the important things started to show. And she is slowly making her way through the Gordon family archives trying to find out more about the history of the house. It was obvious those little visions which were now becoming constant fixtures wanted her to find something. They kept on saying there were secrets in the walls and that she didn't know everything she had seen. She wondered if this only meant the missing pieces of the timeline when Tina fell down the stairs, or did it mean something else, something much more complicated. Carla was more determined now then ever to find out.

When she wasn't snooping through the Gordon family histories she was mostly keeping an eye on Giulia. Her daughter still wouldn't talk to her and was mostly on the arm of Tina for what seemed every waking moment. Their friendship was quite strong now that she even ignored her all her grandparents outside of Alasdair, only tolerating the presence of the Donovan's because her grandfather insisted she must. It gave Carla a strange satisfaction to see her own mother Martha also shunned by Giulia; it seemed to please Antony too. Carla should have done the same years ago as her mother was never really much of a mother to begin with.

Carla was beginning to view Vivian Dean as more of a mother figure. Carla was at a point where it was becoming difficult to hid evidence of her condition anymore. With both Antony and Frank on the prowl, she kept herself in her room more often becoming a bit of a recluse and out of all the people who were family and supposed to care about her it was Vivian who showed concern. She had questioned servants about Carla's baggy clothing, worried that she might not be eating well. The servants remembering how Antony used to cruelly attack her playing manipulative games with food in the past said it was nothing out of the ordinary. Regardless, Vivian Dean, the epitome of aristocratic upbringing bought Carla trays of food everyday. It was a surprise how the warm was, and how kind. Carla could see clearly where Trevor got his good natured and loving behavior from. Vivian was like the mother she never had and Carla enjoyed the days they spent talking about just about anything and everything. Carla also admired the fact that Vivian knew more likely that she was pregnant but never pushed the subject or made inquiries. She seemed to be a good person, good at reading people, good at knowing when to talk and when to stay silent.

Slowly Carla was beginning to feel at ease about Giulia marrying into the Dean family. She felt that Giulia would safe far away from the Palace and that Vivian could always be depended upon to keep her baby well protected. This was only further reinforced by all the lovely stories Vivian had to share about raising her three sons. Their life seemed so normal and all them so loving for the most part towards one another it was a nice change from the tragedy that was her own messed up childhood. The one thing that was strange though was the fact that she rarely talked about her youngest, the mere mention of him seemed to tear at Vivian's heartstrings and cause her pain. Carla didn't like to see her so upset, she knew feeling so she tried her best to keep things happiness although she thought the youngest Dean to be a bit of an enigma and intriguing just from what little people refused to say about him. Little did Carla know she was soon to find out...

It was the middle of October when the Palace had its first snowfall. Carla watched as the whiteness overtook those famous Palace trees and bit by bit encompassed everything on the estate. Everyone was hypnotized by the beauty of the place most especially Giulia who was now insistent on having December wedding, if only to get married in the prettiness of the snow. Alasdair was not entertaining that idea, the wedding had to happen soon as he was becoming more and more irritable with Antony's attempts to delay it.

Carla was in the main lounge playing a card of games with Vivian one October day when Alasdair came rushing in followed by a ban of trusty servants all running to the windows and pulling back one of the window curtains only briefly before cursing under his breath and muttering to a servant, "You're sure it's him?"

Carla kept her focus on the game but her ears were alert hanging onto every word listening intently as the housekeeper whispers intently in Alasdair's ear. The conversation was most intriguing.

"Yes Mr. Gordon. He sent a telegram at the last moment…when he was already the country which is rather sneaky of him! There was nothing that could be done to stop him. Conrad's personal secretary tried to get ahold of you both—"

Alasdair drew back the curtains fuming his brown eyes ready to bulge. And silencing the servant with a wave of the hand he grimaced unable to deal with whatever was happening. It was one of the rare moments where Carla thought his age was truly starting to show. Vivian also noticed the commotion and her and Carla briefly exchange a look before continuing at cards.

"What should I do?" says another servant, "Should we ignore him, sir? Send him away…he's not supposed to be here."

" Don't you think I know that? snaps Alasdair before getting his anger under control and replying, "No, just no! He's here now isn't he? I suppose the only thing to do is get Mr. Dean and quickly!"

"What is going on?" says Vivian finally unable to pretend she isn't listening anymore, "What must you get my husband for?" Slowly she made her way to window to sneak a curious glance.

Alasdair doesn't seem to hear her. He is still very much in his own world wearing a look similar to Antony when he is consumed by hate or his plans were being foiled. It was strange, it almost looked scared, paled even and Carla wanted to know who could reduce this old patriarch to such a state that he'd be peering discretely through curtains with the most petrified of looks. Carla gets up as well, joining Vivian at a window and wrapping her shawl to keep warm and letting it weigh down her already baggy dress. She watched with Vivian out the window as a black car came slowly up the snow-covered drive.

Its persistence seemed enough to give Alasdair a heart attack as he whispers more to himself then anyone, "What is he doing here? For goodness sake, why can't he just stay away?"

Now Carla was really intrigued. What could have the servants running around like a bunch of wild animals panicking like it was the end of the world? What could Alasdair have possibly prepared them for that would have them all calling to get things in order? It was just another plot probably, another secret along with the long line of many others in this god forsaken place. The car stops in front of the drive and because they are on an upper level looking in, Carla looks on curiously as a driver gets out front seat quickly making his way to passenger door behind him. The way Alasdair was holding his breath almost tell he was blue in face, made Carla almost want to join him because the suspense was enough to suck the air from the room and kill everyone in it. The feet appear first, loafers and then his legs, torso and head covered by a black hat and winter attire.

Servants were rushing outside to collect all of the mysterious mans luggage. Carla cleared the fog of the windows with her hand to get a better view. He was scoping out the place and as though he sensed someone was watching him he looks up directly into the windows above. Those blue eyes were piercing even in the blocked vision of snowflakes falling. Vivian let at stifled gasp that causes Carla to look attentively at her. Quickly Vivian lets go of her end of the curtain smiling like a child on Christmas morning as she runs from the room with purpose.

"Ugh," says Alasdair fuming still, "Antony must be behind this, he has to be! Stupid boy, such a stupid, stupid boy! Made a big mistake crossing me this time!" And sneering one last time out at the scene below him he throws back the curtain also charging from the room with purpose.

To Carla, the visitor looked relatively harmless for the amount of fire Alasdair was emitting. In fact the man looked much too young to be considered a serious adversary that he should be paling and uttering countless curse words in his wake. But of course he must be another pawn in Antony's war against his father. Carla was never going to be able to keep track. She listened in a peered discreetly down onto the lower levels watching the young man slowly removes his gloves handing them to a servant as he smiles politely and then turns his attention to the hat, revealing a generous amount of dark brown hair. His profile is very handsome, he could Trevor's double.

Alasdair looked about as tight lipped as ever about ready to collapse into the floor actually and Carla thinks she may like this stranger already; if only solely for the effect he seemed to exert over her father in law with just his mere presence. Carla watched as the servants removed his coat and Alasdair and Conrad exchanged dark and gloomy looks of impending doom.

"So this is the place they call _'Paradise Palace'_," the young man whispers his blue eyes scanning his surroundings.

"Hello Julian," says Alasdair struggling to control his obvious contempt, "I had no idea you were coming."

So this was Julian, the mysterious Dean everyone refused to ever speak about, the one that sent Antony into a tizzy of scheming the night he was mentioned at the now infamous dinner party. He didn't look so bad in fact he looked rather charming, just a younger version of his brother Trevor.

"You wouldn't though, would you?" he replies with an equal amount of animosity although a curious smirk accompanies his, "I sent telegrams for months and months, they went unnoticed."

"Really?" says Conrad surprised, "Well regardless it is rude to give us no notice at all."

"I fail to see what else I could have done father," he says giving Conrad a incredulous laugh, "All my attempts of contact either went unnoticed or ignored and yet it seems you want me to bare the full brunt of responsibility."

"Your father means nothing of the sort," says Vivian the only one who looked truly happy to see him, "We are just glad you are here for the wedding."

"As am I mother," he whispers, "I wouldn't miss _this wedding_ for the world. Where is Trevor anyways?"

"He's out although I don't know where. It's hard to keep track with all the people staying here nowadays."

"It seems this place is having trouble keeping track of a lot," he says smirking at Alasdair, " Lost telegrams seem to the least of your worries."

The kid had spunk and Carla liked his no nonsense attitude. She wonder what more there was to this Julian that everyone in his family kept hush about him, outside of his playing piano Carla knew nothing about him at all. She was in a trance just staring at all the uncomfortable atmosphere downstairs, drawn into it even she hadn't noticed Antony had now come to stand beside her.

"Handsome isn't he?" Antony whispers smirking at Carla, "Almost as handsome as Trevor no doubt… it will an interesting few months ahead"

"What are you up Antony?" Carla says much too tired to even guess anymore, "What are you playing at?"

"I don't know what's more funny Caroline," he says his brown eyes gleaming with anticipation, "The fact that you even ask me that. Or the fact that you think foolishly one day I am going to give you an answer."

"Don't you dare hurt Giulia," Carla says in response. She didn't care what he was doing right now as long as it didn't hurt their Giulia.

Antony ignores her for a while focusing on the conversation below and then sighing he says, "Giulia is nothing in this little game right now. This is all for my father."

"I figured as much," says Carla surprised at the almost normal conversation the two seemed to be having, "But you better leave Giulia out of it."

"I told you I would," he says scanning her body his eyes landing on her well camouflaged pregnant belly for a fraction of a second, "I just want my father to leave and take his stupid business partner with him. I won't let him take Giulia from here, not anywhere near those rubber plantations."

"What are you going to do about it?" says Carla for a second time trying to get some information out of her husband. She was tired of always trying to get information the hard way even if she knew it was less than likely he'd share anything with her.

"Never you mind."

"Antony, what do you mean? I have some right to know."

" Fine Caroline. Lets just say every family has the outcast and every family has a secret or two they'd rather not share with the public. A quick way to get the secrets is to befriend the outcast. And oh boy Carla, when he talked, boy did he talk and he had a lot to say about my father and his running's of those Congo mines. Remember the middle brother Joseph all bedridden in Elizabethville at the moment?"

"Yes," says Carla remembering mentioning briefly at that eventful dinner, "What about him?"

"Let's just say that accident may not be so accidental after all and there is a reason Conrad and my father seem to always want Julian away on business, away from his mother incase the truth one day happens to slip out."

Carla was shocked. Conrad didn't seem like the sort to do anything questionable and shady. For Alasdair however it seemed to be a given. She was surprised Antony was even telling her as much as she was. Now she watched, as Giulia appeared below accompanied by none other than stupid Tina, they were well attached at the hip. Her daughters demure changed almost instantly, Carla notice she was blushing quite a lot and that her eyes were almost glowing as Julian exchanged pleasantries with her. If Carla didn't know any better, she'd say that her child just turned fifteen had fallen in love. It was only the type of look a mother would know, because Carla had had that same look the first time she met Liam. Carla glanced back at Antony who was observing the exchange as well, although he did not look much surprised by it. Carla then turns her attention back onto the scene below.

"This must be my future sister in law," says Julian addressing a completely red in the face Giulia with an air of confidence, "I'm glad to see the rumors were true then."

"What sort of rumors?" says Giulia rather meekly her voice seemed ready to crack.

"That you're as beautiful as the everybody says, apparently a dead ringer for your mother, or so my brother Trevor has told me…Giulia la Bella."

Giulia would probably faint soon. What chance did she have? He was truly Trevor Dean's brother; just as charming and handsome as Giulia was Carla's daughter weak in the knees and a slave to all his alluring inhibitions. Giulia was at a lost for words and everyone could clearly see it; the powerfully weird and instantaneous connection shared between the two. They'd all be fools to deny what was happening right now. Antony himself was smirking with glee at the glaring anger displayed on his fathers face.

"I can't promise you that Giulia will not be in danger of getting hurt," he whispers, "All young girls seem to get hurt from time to time," Carla sees for the first time probably in years some genuine heartfelt emotion coming from Antony's person. It was strange but she felt the rarity of it made it more real because just as quickly as it came it was gone again and his voice was evil and cold, "But I'll promise you this much Caroline, I promise you'll enjoy this next show."

"What show?" says Carla feeling worried for whomever were his next victims, "It's not a game Antony. These are people's lives you're dealing with, " she had to speak her mind for their daughters sake.

"Enough Caroline," Antony responds an evil glint gleaming in them as he slowly walks towards the top of the staircase, "You worry too much. As I said just sit back and enjoy the show."

Before she can respond he is descending the staircase into a dispute over which the room the luggage should be in put in as Alasdair demands flat out to know whom invited Julian here.

"How did you know where we were staying?" says Alasdair intent on getting to the bottom of things, "I have many houses…who told you we'd all be at this one?"

"I did," says Antony appearing in a way that made everyone jump. He had a habit of doing so, appearing out of nowhere like as he often did. Carla just imagined he spent all his days lurking in the shadows waiting for the opportune time he could strike so that he could always make an entrance. Taking in his fathers glare with only more self-appreciation he gloats, "I couldn't have my poor daughter have a wedding without the completeness of family. I know how_ family_ is so important to you father—"

"Yes it is," says Alasdair unable to deny those words, "Family is very important. But Julian was meant to be away on some very important business—"

"The _business_ is done father. I thought it only proper he'd now be present for this matter of business. The wedding is so fast approaching. With the rate you and Conrad keep sending him places, he'll never get to attend the wedding or catch up with his dear mother."

"Thank you for thinking of me Antony," says Vivian beaming appreciatively at her youngest son.

"You know," Julian says boldly staring intently at Giulia like she was the only one in the room, "I believe you and I were the ones originally intended to be engaged and married," more blushing came from Giulia as he smiled letting his words sink in like a second rate Liam Connor, "Nonetheless I welcome you into my family," he did the gentleman sort of thing in kissing her hand but the chemistry was now undeniable.

"Yes, well then," says Alasdair obviously flustered and angered with the possible ramifications by what he has just witnessed, "Well I suppose you'll be staying till the wedding after all."

"Of course he will father," says Antony smirking, " Though December is _such a long_ wait. You'll be sure to keep make yourself comfortable won't you, Julian?"

"Yes," says Julian smiling at Antony mistaking his scheming for genuine kindness, "Thank you for the invitation."

"You're more then welcome. I shall have the servants put you upstairs near your brothers room."

"That will be much welcomed."

Antony smirked more at his fathers blubbering attempts at protest. It was a sight to see really, Alasdair Gordon barely able to shoot out any coherent sentences. Whatever Antony and Julian had on him, it couldn't be good, not with this reaction

Alasdair was stewing still as Antony went on to direct the servants as to where they should put Julian's bags. Julian in turn inquired after the whereabouts of his extended family members as Giulia stood about shyly and still blushing.

As Antony took Tina's hand to lead her off to whatever plotting he had in store next he glanced at his daughter, "Giulia darling perhaps you ought to give your future brother in law a tour of the Palace. He will be staying here for the next few months, he ought to know where everything is."

"Yes father—"

"I don't much like that idea," says Alasdair finally finding his voice, "Giulia is a young impressionable girl and it does not look proper."

"Nonsense," says Antony giving his father a calculated look before turning to Tina and repeating, "Isn't that absolute nonsense darling?"

"Absolute nonsense," says Tina agreeing like the lapdog she was.

Julian had kept his eyes on Giulia the whole time smiling warmly, "I'll be on my upmost behavior Mr. Gordon, an absolute gentleman."

"Yes for goodness sake father it's just a house tour. Nothing bad will befall of them; she's my daughter after all, my own flesh and blood. I'd never intentionally but her in harms way like _some people_ I know."

Alasdair stood speechless, as though Antony's words were truly starting to get to him and Conrad Dean wore that same look too; a look of regret and shame. And Carla wonders what the hell this is all about? That last remark was clearly alluding to Alasdair treatment of Antony concerning his mother's death, but she wondered what this had to do with Conrad. He looked just as unhappy to see his youngest son? Perhaps it was Antony alluded to, that both men had something to do with Trevor's other brother Joseph's accident in the mine, which caused him to lose his left leg. It wouldn't surprise Carla in the least, after all these were men who once cut the hands of those people that did not meet there rubber quotas. They were as heinous as they appeared to be normal. Nothing would surprise her anymore, the power shift in this house seemed to swaying back under Antony's control as he glides away smugly with his child bride on his arm. But Antony glances up at Carla briefly and although it is only for a second his message is quite clear…in no way shape or form was Alasdair Gordon ever getting the marriage union he intended. As to whether Carla would enjoy seeing how this all played out, whether she'd enjoy the show that remained to be seen. One thing was clear though this new visitors purpose was bound to shake things up.


	99. Chapter 99

**I am sorry if this chapter is all over the place and not very cohesive. I intend to end this story very very soon so I am pushing to write longer chapters, set the final stages in motion, and include as much stuff as I can in each section from here on out. Thank you to all the people who continue to read this. I never thought this story would go on for as long as it has and although I really enjoy writing it I know it can't go on forever either. So once again thank you readers for staying around for 99 chapters. It is much appreciated :)**

If someone were to have ask Liam a few months ago what the chances of him having even a somewhat remotely cordial relationship with Giulia Gordon would be, he would had said slim to none, that the chances were zero because she simply seemed to hate him. But for all her apparent hate it was Giulia who reached out to him first at the beginning of July 1926. He had been in London attending one of his father's board meeting along with his brother Paul. It was torturous enough having to endure the smirking of his greatest enemy Antony Gordon somehow snuggling his way into earning yet even more company shares than previously but Liam was determined to put a stop to it. It seemed many others on the company board held the same sentiment, the mysterious Doctor Foster for one. Liam still hadn't figured out that mans game, all he knew was that something was off putting about the doctor and he would forever be creeped out by the way Foster first spoke of Giulia when he first met the man. It was way too familiar and inappropriate on all levels of what was deemed normal behavior.

After the meeting he parted ways with his father and brother who were meeting his cousin Phillipa and Michelle for lunch before heading back into the countryside. Liam had other work to do, he had to keep an eye of the books of his family business and ensure the companies legacy would not be destroyed by all these vultures just waiting for their piece. And on top of that he had a meeting with the private investigator and ex-pat Bentley Wise and wanted to get right into how he was going to bring about that smug bastard Antony Gordon's ending.

It was while he was the hotel lounge room having look over all the accounting information plus finishing his lunch, when he noticed that the P.I. was yet again characteristically late. It was to be expected though Liam supposed since the man always claimed to be apart of unsavory dealings; but as he glanced at his pocket watch for what seemed the hundredth time he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder causing him to look up into rather piercing green eyes. Every time he looked at her, Liam was astounded by how much Giulia was her mother's double. He imagined this is what Carla must have looked like when she was that age as well. Giulia looked nervous, almost apprehensive and for a second Liam wondered if this something her father had put her up to. He looked around the hotel for any sign of Antony Gordon trying hide and conceal himself as some brilliant mastermind, but surprisingly the man was nowhere to be seen.

He had wondered for a time if he should wait for her to talk but as more passed it became evident that she was incapable of doing such so he offered a weak greeting, "Hello Giulia, how are you?"

"I'm fine," she whispers glancing around nervously before she asks, "Do you mind if I sit for a moment?"

"Not at all," says Liam getting up quickly to pull the chair opposite of him out for the young girl.

She sat down rather poised removing her gloves and setting them on the table. He was about to ask her about Carla when she uttered, "I don't have much time. Tina is keeping an eye out for me in case father comes down. We are staying in London for evening and I was only passing through when I saw you. I remember you once said I could see Cillian whenever I wanted to. I only came to ask if the offer still stands open."

"If course," says Liam, "You can come visit him whenever you'd like," she seemed uncomfortable with the prospect of coming to his home and now that Liam thought about it it probably very smart if he was to maintain the facade of hating Carla, "Or we could meet somewhere else?"

"Yes," she says warming to the idea almost immediately, "That works well for me. Could we…do you think we could meet here in London?"

"I suppose that would fine with me. Cillian would enjoy the day trip."

"Good," she says glancing over her shoulder and looking at Tina who is signaling that it is time to wrap things up. Giulia panicked short on time as she says, "How do Thursday's work? Tina has my father's driver take her into London every Thursday and she attends personal stuff while I usually come along for the ride and stay hotel room. If you came on Thursday's it'd give me something to do while in London."

"That's fine with me," Liam says and quickly he opens his day planner scribbling down his number and handing it to her. Giulia also had her mother's hands and quickly grasps the piece paper tucking it away, "Call me and we arrange for things better."

"Thank you," Giulia says quickly getting up from the chair at Tina's beckoning, "Thank you Mr. Connor for all your help."

"You may call Liam if you wish," he says smiling gently at the frightened girl as she grabbed for her gloves. He surprised to see for the first time she genuinely returned if only for a fraction of a second before she made her way from the lounge room bumping shoulders with none other than Bentley Wise on his way in. Liam wished he had more time to inquire after her and after Carla as well. He just hoped Carla was all right even though he couldn't bare to talk to her for the time being. Her betrayal of keeping Trevor Dean from him yet again after all the Cairo history was just too much to process at the moment. He sometimes wondered if she ever thought about how she hurt him with all these little secrets and lies. Sometimes it was unfair that she wanted his constant forgiveness. He'd forgive her in his own time; he just couldn't forgive her this day or the next.

He smiled intently waving Giulia off and getting up again he greeted an approaching Mr. Wise prepared to go over all possible plots that could ultimately get ride of Antony once and for all.

* * *

It was now October; a Thursday in the middle of the month and London was covered in light coat of snow. Liam didn't expect it to last for too long, but Cillian was excited by it, the boy absolutely loved the snow almost as much as he loved seeing his older sister. Liam would usually meet Bentley Wise briefly on these Thursdays to go over the latest developments of his task He would usually leave Cillian with the maid in one of the family hotel suites and have coffee with the private investigator as they poured over notes making sure they got every detail of the plan right.

"You're in luck Mr. Connor," says Bentley Wise puffing his cigar gingerly as he combed over his notes, "I've got the perfect guy for the job."

"Oh really," says Liam raising his eyebrows in disbelief. It wasn't the first time he had heard such statements from this man, "And who is this this time?"

"He's a very youthful lad. His family from one of the poorer backgrounds, he hates everything rich and what the rich stand for so he'd have no problem killing Mr. Gordon without a second thought."

"So he's a communist?" says Liam rolling his eye, "In that case he'd have no problem killing me as well. I don't want to get mixed up with that sort. No wonder the government is keeping an eye on you Mr. Wise."

"Trust me, him being a communist is the least of your worries. There is nothing wrong with his sentiments. But never mind all that. The point is this lad has it out for Mr. Gordon."

"Really?" he had been ready to dismiss the idea but nonetheless Liam was intrigued, "Do tell."

"Two words," says Bentley Wise grinning, "Tina McIntyre."

"What does she have to do with anything?" says Liam impatiently, "And more importantly how did you find this boy?"

"Let me explain," says the private investigator taking one last puff of his cigar before beckoning a waiter over for a refill on his brandy and take away his coffee, "It's simple I have many associates a friend of a friend who knows some other friend and the like. I told in Cairo I had many socialist friends all over the place as much as I have much rich money-grabbing socialites. I'll be friends with anyone."

"Get to the point about Tina."

"You're no fun today Mr. Connor," he says amused at winding Liam up, "All work and no play. Fine then, I know some working glass men down at a factory, the one that makes fine dining apparel, the best in all of London and if I recall and my research is right; the one which your ex fiancée Romola Dorscher's family owns."

"Yes," says Liam remembering that the Dorschers had owned that factory the past century. It was of no news to him, "What about it?"

"I thought a rich man like you would pick up the paper from time to time and read about workers pay," says Mr. Wise smiling as he accepts his brandy from the returning waiter.

"Forgive me if I've been caught up in my own family drama and that of the woman I love to have read many newspapers as of late," Liam was fast becoming annoyed and he did not wish to be in such a state when Giulia was soon to arrive so he wanted the man to get on with it so he could leave with Giulia ever seeing them together.

"Well there has been a big conspiracy going around. A few months back a friend of friend Mr. Tyrone Dobb's approached me at a pub said one of his friends recommend he speak with me."

"What about?"

"Well the young man Mr. Dobbs worked at the Dorscher's factory here in London. It's no news the family has always treated there workers poorly but he told me he respected the patriarch Alexander Dorscher quite a bit for the fact that he always seemed to be an honest man even if he was rich. The Mr. Dobbs fellow develop quite a close relationship with his boss who confided in him that he was poor of health as of late."

"I'm sorry," says Liam glancing anxiously at the clock in the lounge, Giulia would be here soon, "But what does any of this have to do with Tina McIntyre? Or any scandal for that matter? Family patriarch's getting sick is hardly a scandal."

"I'm getting to that," says Mr. Wise, "Be patient won't you? Anyways as I was saying this Mr. Dobbs came to me at a pub one night and he looked shaken like he really needed to talk to somebody, you see Alexander Dorscher had just unleashed a great tale upon him about a life full of regret. The workers strike was really getting to him I guess, so much, Mr. Dobbs said the man was quite upset actually. Crying that he had no son in which to pass the company onto with only two daughters Elena and Romola and with many failed engagements between them he was beginning to think that he'd never have an appropriate heir in which to pass his legacy onto."

"Mr. Dorscher not gravely ill is he? Because if he was my father would have heard about it at least."

"Well that's just it, isn't?" says Mr. Wise, "That's the peculiar thing. Mr. Dobbs managed to gain a lot of Alexander Dorscher confidence, promoted to personal valet at one point and he said the same thing. He didn't understand why the man was constantly talking about death, but then he happen take him into London one day for a brief lunch with the wife and after he returned he looked as ill as ever."

"What had happened to him?"

"He said he saw a little girl that reminded him a lot about a woman he used to know and when he proceeded to blurt out to Mr. Dobbs that some years ago he had a child out of wedlock with a poor out sorts girl and it haunted him, made him ill to think what had happened to her and the child. He proceeded to pull out a picture he had kept from all those years ago and hand it Mr. Dobbs and man was in for quite shock because the lady in the picture looked exactly like his cousins girlfriend Tina McIntyre."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" says Liam processing the information. He would have never guessed it himself, Tina looked nothing like his ex fiancée Romola or her sister Elena Dorscher.

"Yes," says Mr. Wise grinning and taking a swig of his brandy before continuing, "He had a little girl but he wanted nothing do with her or the mother and his actions were now making him feel guilt driven and full of moral torture and regret. He tried to see a few priests and get it off his mind, but nothing seemed to work. So he started to see a doctor for his pain."

"Antony," whispers Liam his body going ice cold, "Let me guess Antony Gordon was the doctor, wasn't he?"

"Nope," says Mr. Wise, "Frank Foster was."

"So he didn't just tell Mr. Dobbs these things did he?" Liam already knew the answer, "He told the doctors things too."

"Correct and that's why Mr. Dobbs show up at this pub scared and out of his mind seeking my assistance. Apparently two men had given quite the scare about keeping his shut about this knowledge about the girl Tina."

"Frank and Antony?" Liam didn't even know why he bothered asking of course it was them.

"Right again."

"What reason would have to frighten Tyrone Dobbs? What concern is any of this of theirs?"

"Remember how you told me on our first meeting back in Cairo all that there was to know about the man Antony Gordon? How he had manipulated his way into your fathers confidence in hopes of getting his hands on a large sum of money?"

"Yes," says Liam, "What—you don't think—"

"I do. Who says the Connor family is the only family he has targeted? I thought Alasdair gave him a decent allowance but I guess not. In fact I know your family isn't the only one because I know for a fact he did the same thing with the Dorschers he is attempting to do with your fathers shipping company. In early 1925 there factory was facing some problems, Dorscher called upon some trusted friends and advisors to help him with money."

"I wonder why my father didn't mention any of this to me? Why wasn't this printed in the papers if the issues were so bad? And society has been rather quite about it too. My cousin Phillipa still goes about with the Dorscher sisters she would have told me something."

"Well for the first point, Alexander hates your family after you broke his daughters heart. Of course he wouldn't ask your father for anything and as for the second point, what do think he was using a lot of the money for if not to pay off some of the politicans, press, and what have you to not say not a word about his shady business practices. I have no doubt in my mind that Antony Gordon and Frank Foster spent much 1925 engaged in practices of intimdation against naysayers and anyone saying a bad word the Dorscher family."

So this explained why for the greater part of 25, Antony hadn't really made any attempts to find Carla or Giulia he was much more preoccupied with other things and apparently Frank Foster was his partner in crime

"And what would he have to gain from that?" But then it clicked. Why did Antony do anything if not to have people see and perceive him to be everything he wasn't so he could later deceive them, "Of course…Alexander Dorscher's eternal love and gratitude. Antony would be like the son he never had." It was same old song and dance he had tried with Liam's father.

"Bingo, and what better way when the company fully recovers then to remind Alexander of this fact. But then he hit a road block because Elizabeth, Alexander's wife never liked Antony's presence much and it was said that when she saw his name on some documents, documents that would make him the executor of the Dorscher estate she threatened to expose all which her husband had spent greater part of the last year trying to protect. So Alexander backed out, telling Antony his demands weren't possible and surprisingly Antony took it well, almost too well."

Not a surprise at all, he was just plotting.

"Okay so…Tina? Where does she come into all of this?"

"Mr. Dobbs made the mistake of striking up a conversation with the Doctor about the common knowledge they shared. He did so foolishly out of concern for his employer worried about his health and how the regret of ignoring his bastard child was now catching up to him. He confided in Doctor Foster that he knew a girl that looked just like the girl in the picture, early 1926 he told him this. Of course then Mr. Dobbs said the Doctors eyes lit up at such story and he was curious to see the girl for himself."

"And let me guess, the man was stupid enough to trust him," Liam couldn't understand why anyone would trust someone as creepy as Doctor Foster. The man was the epitome of discomfort, not one which you'd be naturally drawn to or ever willing to share all your secrets with.

"Yes, yes he did. Although in Mr. Dobbs defense he said he was doing so in the interest of giving Alexander Dorscher some peace, even joking that it was high time the man have a decent and humble daughter unlike his other two brats. So Mr. Dobbs took him to see the girl, Tina McIntyre. She was working at a gentleman's club of some sort, just ran away from home and an abusive grandmother and had recently broken up with her long time boyfriend Thomas Duckworth. She very happy to see Tyrone as he had always been a friend of hers and quite curious about the well dressed that accompanied him."

"So what happened next? Tina just sat down with him? Just trusted this complete stranger and told everything about herself."

"Only the things which she knew to be true. She told the doctor all about her rough situation growing up and how her mother practically abandoned her since the day she was born, leaving her with a hateful grandmother and no sense of love at all. The poor girl only ever wanted to be loved and as she poured her heart out, bless her, she hadn't known such understanding like the doctors in such a long time; she also revealed that she was likely pregnant and that it wasn't the first time."

Liam felt bad for the girl. She was only seventeen, but he wanted to know how Antony ended up with her. It made sense he supposed, Antony prayed on those who just wanted some sense of security and to be loved.

"There were a few more visits Mr. Dobbs told me and in private this time. Tina fast became attached the charming doctor and Mr. Dobbs was expecting that Frank Foster would reveal to Tina her good fortune; that she had a father out there that regretted his actions and truly loved her, but the doctor didn't say a word. In fact he warned Tyrone that she couldn't know about her father, not at all and that he ever told a word of what he knew to anyone he would live to regret it."

"So he just let that pathetic excuse for a man bully him?"

"It wasn't easy for him Liam and he really wanted to tell his cousin too. Thomas Duckworth was hopelessly in love with the girl regardless of her issues and wanted to make things work but Frank threatened Mr. Dobbs that he'd harm his new wife and child if he so much said anything to Thomas or Alexander about the meetings with Tina. Soon enough the meetings got stranger."

"Stranger how?" Liam was draining the last of his coffee completely losing track of time learning bits and pieces to the time line of all Antony was up too while he had been away in Morocco and then Cairo for the better part of a year. The man had kept himself busy so much in fact that he didn't even care about Carla.

"He bought Antony along and then soon after it was only Antony who came. And somehow with his natural charm he managed to woo the desperate girl with speeches of how she was worth more and deserved to be loved, lavished her with expensive gifts as week It didn't take long before she ditched the club and followed him back to Paradise Palace for some leverage and some clout, although she doesn't know that's what she is to him"

"Basically your saying she was unknowingly kidnapped back to Paradise Palace for Antony to use in his war of money grubbing against the Dorscher's? Does Alexander even know of her existence? How would Antony benefit from marrying her?"

"Another thing confided in Frank by Alexander Dorscher was that though he removed Antony from his will at his wife's demands he added his long lost child to it at her disapproval. Mr. Dobb's communicated with me a few more times after he told his harrowing tale of deceit and intrigue, which summed it up perfectly well. He is using Tina against her father much the same way he is using his Giulia against his own father Alasdair Gordon. It was in June this year that Tina took a fall down the stairs, and shortly afterwards Alexander Dorscher received a letter with a picture saying much worse would happen to her. He went pale in the face, showing it to his trusted valet Mr. Dobbs out of his mind at the sickness of it all. He panicked first because resemblance to his old lover and the written portion of it confirmed what he already knew, that Tina was his daughter."

"What did it say?" Liam now whispered sickened by the evilness of Antony Gordon.

"See for yourself," says Mr. Wise reaching into his pocket and retrieving a piece paper discreetly sliding it across the table in Liam's direction.

Liam unfolded the paper slowly a picture falling out in his mist as he did so. He scanned what presumed to be the writing of Antony Gordon's:

_Tread carefully Mr. Alexander Dorscher or much worse could happen to your precious little daughter…poor thing already lost your bastard grandchild. If you're not careful she could be the one to lose her life next._

It was disgusting. Liam felt like he was going to puke as he quickly glances at the photo of Tina taking no doubt the night of her infamous fall. It show her settled into bed, her head wrap in bandages fast asleep and unaware of the evil treachery at work around her, that her husband is even taking the picture. But for all his sickness, Liam couldn't possibly understand why Antony would sacrifice the life of his own child even if it were a bastard, unless the child wasn't his to begin with.

"The baby?" Liam mutters unable to look at the photo anymore and putting it back down in disgust. Bentley Wise already knew what he was going to ask.

"It wasn't his Mr. Connor," Mr. Wise sighs taking the photo and note and folding it up again into his coat pocket, "It was Tommy Duckworth's child. That's why Mr. Dobbs could no longer keep this all secret no matter how much the mad doctor threatened him. He couldn't keep such a secret about Tina's situation any longer, so he bought his cousin to me. And was perfect timing too, because after so many months of stewing the lad is ready to explode. He feels that Antony Gordon has taken everything from him, the girl he loves and his unborn child. He is so mad he could kill the man."

"What's the plan?" says Liam, "How does Thomas Duckworth plan on killing Antony Gordon?"

"We've brainstormed a few ideas around, Mr. Dobbs, Duckworth and I. They're thinking of getting from the factory of there common employer to do the job."

"I don't know if I want too many men in on this," says Liam apprehensively, "I don't need my scheme getting out to the police."

"If you think for one second that Mr. Dorscher didn't recognize Antony Gordon's writing from that asinine letter you got another coming. There are plenty more letters that have been sent but Mr. Dorscher is keeping his cool and waiting for the right time to strike. The blood won't be on your hands alone."

"What are you saying then? I'm not the only one out for revenge with him?"

"Bingo again. Alexander and Thomas have a common interest in assisting in Tina's protection from the brute."

"No offense but I've observed her on many occasions with him, she is the most happy of prisoners if I'd ever seen one," and remembering Carla's suspicisons about Tina Liam says, "And how do we know she isn't in on it all with him? I mean Carla seems to think she lost her baby willingly."

"Well it makes sense, doesn't it? With her sort anyways; I'm sure Antony persuaded her against better judgment. After all like you said, the girl is only seventeen and she wants is to be loved and to feel safe, you of all people must realize that such things come at a price."

"Only for those who think love is conditional," says Liam in disgust. He would never put his children second over anyone.

"That's the real world though. No matter how much you wish to claim otherwise we're not born equal and the love we are given is as unequal as everything else in this world. It's hardly ever unconditional and it's hardly ever admiral either. You'd be best to go into this situation without such a moral high ground, after all you are looking to kill a man or two."

"Whatever," says Liam because to him it wasn't the same. Antony and Aidan were hardly innocence like that poor unborn child, "Just get on with the plan. Tell me what it is."

"In a months time the Gordon's are having some engagement party hoopla or the other, frankly I think it's just an excuse to throw a party but the nonetheless they are having some little party or the other at the Palace. They've order quite a few things and the guest list so big they've even hired special caterers."

Liam was ready to punch a wall, he wished the man would just get on with it, "Your point?"

"Alasdair Gordon also put in an order for memorabilia with the date finally set for the wedding and commissioned some special pieces from the Dorscher factory as a result and Alexander is non too pleased to carry out the order. It is to be delivered the day of the party and since Duckworth is a worker there he offered to be the deliveryman. He will probably spend all day at the place getting to know the lay out as he works side by side with those in charge of displaying the array pieces. It will give him plenty of time to scope the Palace out, learn it's floor plan and keep track of Antony's movements. At the appropriate time, he will take him out, the boy is fearless he'll shoot him and Aidan Moran in front of everyone if he has to."

"I'd prefer it if he'd not. I want it done in a place where no one can stop him and throw the gun from his hand or cause him to shoot someone else accidentally What other ideas do you have?"

"Fire?" says Bentley Wise, "We can torch the place and bring that Palace crumbling to the ground. Believe me nothing would give Alexander Dorscher more pleasure."

"Well we're not talking about what pleases Dorscher, I hired you! We're talking about what would please me and so far I am not pleased with either of those set ups. You can keep Thomas Duckworth for the job if he is intent on winning back Tina, but you better come with better ideas. I'm paying you lots of money, not to just pull random ideas out of a hat and just hope one is good enough for the taking. You forget I don't want to put Carla, Giulia or anyone else that is innocent in harms way." Liam sighed rubbing his temple at what little progress they had made over the last few months. Today had been the first day of useful information since the P.I.s arrival in England.

"Fine," says Mr. Wise closing up his files and throwing them into a suitcase, "I'll think things over more and get back to you."

"Next Thursday," says Liam in a warning tone, "And don't be late for the meeting." Speaking of late he glanced at the clock, Giulia should have been here to see him and Cillian half an hour ago.

"Next Thursday," says Bentley Wise and rising up he shakes Liam hand and gets on his way.

Liam sat turning over all this new found information in his head, it was a lot to process as Giulia comes rushing in. She looked elegant and as beautiful as always as she game rushing towards his table, her cheeks red from the winter cold as she comes bouncing forward beaming. There relationship had greatly improved in the last few months that she could now geninuely smile and be glad to see him instead of blaming him for the break up of her parents dysfunctional relationship.

"Hello," she says breathlessly kissing him on both cheeks and apologizing, "Sorry I'm late, the Palace just got a new visitor I had show him around."

"No problem," says Liam, "I had business meeting anyways so I didn't wait long. I can send for Cillian—"

"No," she says still out of breath, "Not right away at least. I need to collect myself before I'm out of breath once more from chasing the darling around."

Liam observed her, he thought there was something different about her, a good different, she seemed much more upbeat and as radiant as ever, "How are you?" he asks.

"Well, very well."

"Should I order something for you to eat?"

"I already ate, so it's fine. How are you?"

"I'm doing well and so Cillian. He looks forward to Thursdays, he tells me it's his favorite day of the week."

"Tell him I say the same," Giulia is finally settling in.

"So who is the new visitor?" he asks out of polite conversation as much as he intends to use it to spy. He wanted to know what else was up at the Palace with both carla, Antony, and the bastard Trevor Dean.

"My brother in law to be," she says letting the syllables dance her tongue, "His name is Julian."

She looked to be daydreaming and thought he knew why, that was the look of a girl besotted. She reminded him of Carla the day they first met, but he doesn't know what to say to her or how to continue the conversation so he waits silence for Giulia to speak some more. Soon he would call for Cillian to be brought down. He watched nervously as the expressions on her face went from being some of the most happy to the most sad in a manner of minutes; she was like her mother in that regard as well.

"Giulia?" he says nervously worried about what is wrong, "Are you okay?"

She looks down for a minute before looking up and he can see her green eyes were watering and if he didn't know any better he would think she was her mother, trying her best to conceal so many painful secrets. Finally after what seems to be an eternity, she speaks.

"You know that feeling you get a person, when you feel like you could trust them with your deepest and darkest secret?"

Liam nodded his head although resentfully because he felt this way about Carla although time and time again she had proven that she felt otherwise, "Yes," he finally whispers sensing urgency in her voice, "Yes I do."

"Well I gave him a tour the guest room, the room he is going to be staying in. We got to the bathroom and then I just blurted it out, I don't know why I did…but I just felt like I could trust Julian. In fact I know can."

"What did you blurt out?" Liam says anxiously worried about the state of her.

"I said 'this is the bathroom. This is the place where my dad tried to kill my mum…I was eight', I couldn't help but say it because it was the first I saw when I opened that door. I'll never get that imagine out of my mind no matter how much I want to believe things are good again," she is ready to crumble.

Immediately Liam reached for her hand trying his best to comfort her. This first he had ever heard her acknowledge the abuse that Antony had inflicted on her mother, the first sign of showing she knew what a monster he was.

"Giulia," Liam whispers sympathetically.

"It's okay," she smiled squeezing his hand back. Looking to him in a manner which seemed to paternalistic and safe, "I'm telling you because I trust you too, because I know you won't tell anyone. I know you have a good heart; I can feel it, just like I feel Julian's," and finally on her last rope as solemn and calm as ever she utters, " If I tell you something do you promise never to tell anyone else ever?"

"It depends on what it is. If it puts you in danger—"

"It's something old, something I've never told anyone before. I just need to tell someone."

"Fine," says Liam delicately sensing the desperation and need share the secret in her voice. He would try his best to look out for her always, "You can tell me."

"I think that I'll die in that place, that's what_ they_ always tell me anyways."

It was chilling the way she said the last part. Chilling that someone so young should have ideas in her head, "Who says?" Liam whispers caught off guard, "Who tells you such horrible things?"

"Grandma," she whispers with a straight face.

"Martha Donovan?" says Liam he couldn't be more disgusted by the Donovan's if he tired. Hadn't they ruined Carla's life enough already? Why couldn't they leave Giulia alone?

"No," says Giulia her eyes shinning across the table from him like he was silly, "_My other grandmother… _Antoinette Gordon."

Liam let go of Giulia's hand instantly, the atmosphere of the room changed considerably, "What?" had he correctly, Antony's Gordon's mother, the mother that had committed suicide all those years ago, the grandmother that was dead, "Giulia…? She's dead, you've never met her."

But Giulia looks on at him with strong conviction and repeating it with even more calm says, "I know, but I've seen her, have since I was a little girl. She's the reason I used to love the Palace so much…she said we could all happy again, that everything is beautiful in Paradise."

She was starting to freak him the hell out and Liam wondered if this was wind up of some sort, he almost wished it was, but somehow he knew it was not, somehow all he could think was those words Frank Foster had whispered to him once…

"_Believe me you'll be very surprised by all the little secrets you can find lurking in every doorway of that Palace…"_

He couldn't process this right now, much less believe that he had made to keep this promise. Liam didn't know what to think, except that the sooner Giulia, Carla, and the unborn baby were out that place the better. He may have to break his promise to Giulia and tell Carla about the ghost telling her daughter frightening and unsettling things, he'd have to speak to Carla again eventually anyways.

But he didn't know what to believe or if he believed a word of what Giulia was saying. But her eyes, he could tell that she did, it was all in the eyes. It was just crazy, what Giulia saying about a ghost, down right ludicrous even. He wonders if it is a condition of her mind? That perhaps she has inherited melancholy and hysteria from her mother. He tries to think of all the logical explanations he can for that place and yet he has none which satisfy him; the Palace was so pervasive, had such a crazy hold over people that he could not logically ever hope to explain any of it. It seemed to nourish the evil of the men and suck out all the hope and goodness of the women…hadn't Antony's mother suddenly committed suicide out of no where? Perhaps that place and it's creepy whisperings and driven her to it and besides the Gordon men were not exactly known to be understanding husbands. Liam can't think of anything to say, but he thinks that suddenly Bentley Wises idea to torch that place didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.


	100. Chapter 100

**As always I apologize if the long lengths to the chapters make it seem like things are dragging. But again I am trying to wrap up this story soon so bare with me. This chapter is rated M for sensitive topics. Thanks for reading everyone :)**

Carla was awakened by the sound of faint knocking on her door and looking around tirelessly she glanced at the table clock. It was after midnight an exact week since Julian Dean had come to stay at the Palace. Carla felt so exhausted and she feel the faint kicks of the baby at it again keeping her from having a decent hours sleep in days. How much she wanted to just be immune to everything and remove herself from this stressful situation. But no matter how much she wanted to just give up on all her snooping and spying on Antony she knew she couldn't for the sake of Giulia and for the sake of Liam. If her and Liam were ever going to have a shot at real and true happiness she had to get ride Antony, Frank and anyone else threatening her unhappiness once and for all. Another knock at the door dragged her from her thoughts and shooting a rather annoyed glance in its direction, Carla teetered back and forth between whether she should just ignore it and go back to sleep or suck it up and answer the door. Whoever it was obviously wouldn't be knocking on her door at this hour if it weren't important so she decided to suck it up and answer it. Slowly she dragged herself from bed reaching for her night shawl and wrapping it around the width of her body as the baby continued it's incessant kicking.

"Goodness you are going to kill me little one," she sighs as another knock comes to the door, "I'm coming, I'm coming" she says annoyed at the impatience of the individual. Stomping towards the door she unlocks it flinging it open only to met by nothing but the complete darkness of the hallway, "Of course," she says realizing that this must be another crazy vision, another visit from those demon like children Antony and Caroline; why couldn't they just leave her alone? She was trying her best to find out all the secrets, to protect Giulia, Carla didn't need their stress or their secrets. All she wanted was to sleep and the baby seemed to agree because it treated her to another of its guttural kicks that so often knocked the wind out of her. The strength of it surprised her immensely and she did not understand how it had so energy when she felt like she had next to none.

She stammers against the doorframe, trying not to scream out in pain and wake the whole house. Looking back at the dark hallway one last time Carla goes back into her room and quietly closing the door, resting on it for a moment as she steadies her breath trying if not praying that the baby will calm down soon so she can get some sleep. It seemed to be working for a time; her labored breathing and efforts to think only happy thoughts. It was voice of Antony from one of her first nightmares that was strangely comforting to her…

"_They can't hurt you unless you let them…"_

She repeated those words over and over again. These crazy little happenings or occurrences around her could only hurt her if she let them. They weren't real and if she gave into the craziness, Antony would win and she'd be just like him.

'They can't hurt you unless you let them," she whispers over and over again feeling like finally she is gaining control of the situation. Then she heard it, a humming like a lullaby.

"_I took a bow_

_And aimed it low_

_And caught you on the chin, chin, chin_

_My mother said_

_Now go to bed  
_

_I'll have to lock you in, in, in"_

_Carla jumped; nothing could prepare her for what she saw when she opened her eyes and saw a lady as clear as day laying on her bed cradling a baby all wrapped up and swaddled in a baby blanket. Carla felt goose bumps and stood frozen watching this woman with her brown hair and olive skin smiling adoringly at the child. For a second she thought perhaps this was another vision of her past with Giulia as a baby this time. Perhaps the thoughts inside her head were once again trying to remind her of the person she once was, that she wasn't like Antony. But Carla did not remembering ever singing that lullaby to her daughter and the decorations of this specific room were not how they are and have been for the past fifteen years. When the lady looked up, with her crystal blue eyes Carla knew it wasn't her own self she was seeing but someone else. The woman's eyes cut through Carla like she wasn't even there as she stared periodically at the door shifting her attention between it and the baby as she continued rocking it. It seemed like she was waiting for someone but she didn't seem to see Carla at all._

"_Shhh," she croons. The woman looked exhausted as she tries to calm the screaming baby, helpless even on the brink of losing her calm at as she practically begs it to stop crying, "Please just stop it darling. Do I need to sing you another one?" Slowly she lifts herself off the bed walking towards the bassinette placed near by. _

_Her eyes flashed out the window, tears slowly forming in them as she walks away from the baby brushing past Carla like she wasn't there and sending chills throughout her whole body. The woman had felt so real, like she was really there, but Carla knew this wasn't real or at least that it wasn't happening in real time, it was daytime outside the window, summer when right now her reality is snow. The baby was making little noises from the bassinet. It's suckling noises warmed Carla's heart that she felt pulled towards it. Slowly she made her way over peering over the baby curiously, it greeted her with innocent brown eyes, there familiarity in them that sent jolts through her body. This all very confusing much too confusing, a complete messing around of her head_

"_Antony?" she whispers to the baby._

_The baby beams up at her, kicking it tiny little legs about in innocent bliss. It's hands reaching out for her long black hair. How strange was it to see him, her husband at a time when he was actually innocent and untainted, when power did not concern him. The only that was his world, his concept of understanding revolved around this woman before her now._

"_I wont be a horrible mother to him," says the woman still looking out the window as she chokes back tears._

_Carla doesn't say anything. She doesn't even want to dare breath for fear she might be crazy, completely off the deep end now because she was seeing people now that she had never met in her reality; people who were impossible to meet because they were dead. Carla may have to go back to an asylum if these strange visions continued._

_The women lets out another shiver wrapping herself tighter in her night shawl looking directly at Carla as she says again, "I won't be a bad mother to him. Alasdair seems to think that I will be though. But then again he has never had carry one of these things for nine months, now has he?" she says with a tone of bitterness and resentment laced on her tongue. Staring at Carla with one of the most monotone of expressions she adds, "He should try going through that damn jungle for six out the nine months pregnant and then he'll see how it feels."_

"_Antoinette—Antoinette Gordon?" Carla finally musters. She had to say the name out loud to believe it for herself, how crazy this all was._

_Antoinette ignored her continuing on her rambling against Alasdair as she started to pace back and forth in front of the window, "For months and months I told him I did not like it there. That the weather was too hot, that I missed it here at the palace. He kept on saying over and over again, 'Just one more week Antoinette, two more weeks, three!' what a liar he turned out to be, an utter disappointment in the end. We stayed for six months!"_

_Carla was glancing back and forth between the poor innocent and oblivious baby smiling at her from the crib without a care in the world and his resentful mother, who couldn't seem to stand even looking in Antony's direction at the moment. Carla didn't know what to say. She knew the disappointment that a marriage could bring as well as the dark feelings one could harbor towards their own child. She had felt such negativity towards Cillian before he had been born, like he had been a parasite threatening to destroy her world when she was frightened Antony would find out. But looking at her son now, she knew those thoughts had been irrational and that never would she wish the precious and unique creature her and Liam had created any harm. Once the child had been born, she had been lucky enough for all feelings to just fall away._

"_I'm not happy here anymore," Antoinette, says transfixed by the beautiful summer scenery outside, "The beauty of this place doesn't fool me like it used to. They all think i'm strange but I don't care, there are other places to see outside of this. I won't let him keep me here anymore. I'd rather die than let this place eat me alive."_

"_You too?" Carla says meekly finally finding her voice. She couldn't help but say something anymore, "You hate this place too?"_

"_Everything is too perfect, too suffocating…his love is too much for me. Alasdair loves me too much and I'm afraid I don't love him enough. I think I stopped loving him in the Congo, poor fool doesn't know it yet."_

_She was ignoring Carla; not answering her about anything but how could she, Carla reasoned when this was all in her head, when she wasn't really even here to begin with? Carla decided it was best to just observe, perhaps that was all she was meant to do._

"_Everyone wants to know why I'm so cold towards him, but it's all his own fault," she smirked and then glancing Carla's way for brief second her blue eyes still as emotionless as ever adds, "If he had just let us come back when he said he would, then I wouldn't have caught malaria. I almost died so that he could keep his damn father happy but that's all these Gordon ever do, try and make their stupid fathers happy. They just suck you in with all their promises and then one day you wake up and you realize that you wasted years away for nothing. But I'll be damned if I turn out like all the others."_

_Carla assumed she was referring to the curse of the unhappy Gordon women; the fact that this Palace made every woman who stepped through its doors depressed and driven to maniacal behavior. Carla hoped she would elaborate some more, give her a hint any hint at all as to what the big secret of this place was. It would help her search through the archives much better and efficiently if Carla at least had some idea as to the nature of the secret she was looking for._

"_He doesn't believe I'm going to leave him. We both are," Antoinette whispers are eyes now falling on the baby as he starts to stir again, "We're both going to leave him and go to a place where he can't get to us, not ever."_

_The temperature of the room began to drop drasitically and Carla felt a shiver move through own body at the tone of Antoinette's words. Her blue eyes now blinking at the bassinet so strangely, it made Carla uncomfortable. She had look as though something had dawned on her, something she had been thinking for quite sometime but had only just reached the surface now. A smile formed on her thin lips as she steps away from the window all together._

"_It was horrible in that jungle," Antoinette says slowly walking towards the bassinet "I felt surely I was going to die, you see he had all the power and I all the fear… I never felt fear like that before," she leaned over peering at Antony smiling at him making little baby faces for a time, "All my life I just wanted to be on the other side, to be one on the side of power with all the men. I hated it that they ruled us with fear and even more how we allowed them to do so, to use our own fears against us. I found out I was having him," she says gesturing to Antony, "And I let my fear get the better of me, let them put it in my mind that I wouldn't good mother to him. You must know what it feels like, to question yourself and your own worth. You do, don't you?" She glanced directly at Carla this time, acknowledging that she did in fact see her without a question._

_Carla knew what it felt like, she knew such pain and despair ever since she was a child. Her father that made her feel rotten to the core, made her feel as though she had the devils insight. She knew what it was like to be told she must be perfect and beautiful and otherwise ignored by her mother. Carla knew what it meant to have her brother, her only protector ripped from her growing up leaving her to face such horrible situations all on her own. Of course she knew what it felt like, to have the fear rule you and to be ruled by fear when those with the power held all the keys to her survival. _

"_It was horrible," Carla, says her voice shaking, "Horrible when he used to come into my room at night. I thought for sure I was going to die, I wanted to so badly so he wouldn't hurt me anymore."_

"_I can't even imagine," whispers Antoinette, "Not ever, the horribleness which was done to you."_

"_I used to try and keep it all inside, not make a sound. I always panicked though. It just spread throughout me and I couldn't move but everything else inside of me just came together crying out and erupted and I had enough, I knew I couldn't let him hurt me anymore."_

"_I had it too, that eruption when I was in jungle five months in with Antony and I was sweating and I felt like I was getting weaker and weaker from the Malaria and couldn't believe Alasdair wouldn't get us get back to England quicker. The days and nights began to become blurs and I thought surely death had come for me, but I couldn't let it take the baby or me...not on his terms anyways. It flooded through me, a surge of energy. Do you know what that feeling is Caroline?"_

"_Anger," Carla says watching as Antoinette scoops the baby Antony up again, "It's Anger."_

"_No," she says shaking her head and resting the baby's head on her shoulder, "It's power. The fear you never felt before, pushing back at all those things which suck you in, sucking away at you slowly trying to control you so they can consume you...the uncle who obliterated you, the father who never loved you, and the husband who despised you; that's the feeling of power. It's when you give in and let the fear save you. Do you get it, you have to let the fear save you?"_

"_I do," says Carla because she does, she gets it completely. Her fears were what drove her from this place to begin with six years ago and led to another life, a better life in New York. She had worked so hard to follow her dream of painting and in those years she would be damned if she ever let Antony take that from her. Her fear for Cillian's future if she stayed pushed her to other things; fear had pushed her back to Liam eventually as well. She would have never left this place if she hadn't afraid. Fear could be power when it pushed you to make the life changing decisions that could change everything someone knew. And you could feel good within all of it, because you felt in control. For once you felt like you had all the power._

"_Good," says Antoinette inclining her head in a slight nod, " There is nothing that compares to the first time you experience such a strange feeling and power like that feels quite good and if you didn't have it you would've been dead years ago. Weak people don't survive this place when they don't understand the power of fear," She turns all her attention to a stirring Antony bumping him up and down with her movements and singing to him. Glancing at Carla she says, " They try to scare you with their little stories and hidden secrets about this place, but you have to learn beat them at their own game. Alasdair thinks he has all the power. He thinks can control me with his little doctors and his pretense of concern. He thinks he can use Antony against me…says he's afraid for the child's life and safety," her voice goes to a complete chill, " But I'll show him fear..what it's like to be afraid."_

_Carla was confused the changes of mood were too much for her to process but she felt that chill again even though outside the sun was vibrant and shinning in through the windows, "What do you mean?" she asks cautiously. She had to remind herself this was probably just a dream no matter how real it seemed._

_Antoinette ignores her instead cradling her precious son in her arms closing her eyes and holding onto him for dear life she sings in a whisper, "I took a bow a__nd aimed it low and caught you on the chin, chin, chin…" there was something haunting about the way she said it as she started to lower the child back into the bassinet Then there was a thunderous knock on the door that caught both her and Carla in a panic and completely off guard. It's force so strong it shook the room upsetting the baby._

"_Antoinette!" came screaming on the other side of the door, "Antoinette are you in there? Open this door at once!"_

_Carla glanced at the door handle recognizing the voice of Alasdair Gordon in all his fury on the other end rattling at it, soon to break the handle from its hinges. She didn't blame Antoinette for looking scared if he was anything like Antony then she would refuse to open the door as well._

"_Antoinette please," comes another voice a woman's time, "Open the door. As your mother I urge you to open this door at once! For the sake of your child, please! THINK OF YOUR CHILD!"_

_Carla looked at her again she seemed to be in a trance much like when Carla first encountered her at the beginning of all of this. _

_Her blue eyes glassy and undeterred by the now deafening screams of her crying baby. She scoops him up again picking up the lullaby from where she last left off singing to him in that unsettling voice, "…My mother said now go to bed, I'll have to lock you in, in, in," her expression is calm as she soothes him; "We're locked in little one…no one can get us from here. Mama has locked us in, I'll teach your father fear." _

_Carla held her breath, she didn't know what was going on but she knew something wasn't right, that this situation wasn't right at all._

"_OPEN THE DOOR!" comes Alasdair's voice again and for first time Carla notices that it is not threatening, that she had read it wrong in the beginning because now she could identify signs of stress and fear. Alasdair's voice was full of absolute fear._

"_By your father's authority," comes the voice of another man's, "I command you open this door at once Antoinette! OPEN IT."_

"_No," she says speaking to the door and then glancing down at Antony soothes him, "Now hush little one. Don't be afraid mothers going to take you away from here; we're both going to a better place…consider it like a real paradise...no disappointments for my little Antony, only the best."_

_Carla felt her the blood drain from her face, "Oh my god." This was what Alasdair meant when he told Antony he didn't know the full story when it came to his mother, but it was all very clear now. Carla watched in fear as the baby Antony continued to cry and cry no longer comforted by his mothers touch. She felt ill and shaken at the ferocity of all the people on the other side who had given up reasoning and were now trying to break down the door. Carla watched Antoinette closely, her heart drumming in her chest as Antoinette slowly placed the little baby Antony on the bed and without even hesitating proceeded to raised her hands one hand over his nose and the other covering his mouth completely blocking all possible airways. _

_Was this the secret? Was this what she supposed to uncover? Carla didn't know, but it made her sick._

"_Shhh little one, you'll soon be in a better place…no one to destroy you in heaven my little Antony. Know that Mama loves you, mama loves you very much. Daddy will learn soon enough..."_

_Carla could cry, she felt so powerless to stop what was happening. She wanted this vision, dream or whatever it was to end now; she wanted it all to just stop. The door came plummeting off its hinges just in time. And a young Alasdair the double of Antony came charging at her, pulling her off their son._

"_Get away from him Antoinette! Get away from our son!"_

_Carla watched as two older people, who she assumed were Antoinette's parents quickly take the baby and run from the room bringing their grandchild to safety as Alasdair tries his best to calm his maniacal wife. It was heartbreaking, he was crying, horrible and defeated screams._

_"Why?" he cries cradling his non-expressive wife, "Why do you want to harm our little Antony? Try harder next time, won't you love? Don't hurt him for me, try harder for me..."_

_She didn't seem to hear a word, she was physically not there anymore. His pleas fell to deaf ears._

Carla's eyes flew open in tears. She couldn't even process the horribleness of that dream, the most horrible nightmare she had ever had. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach; the state of her had upset the baby and now it was moving around in her belly causing huge discomfort. It made her cry even more. What the hell had she just experienced? Had that really happened to Antony as a baby. She could no longer sleep all she felt was a sinking feeling, the sinking feeling of sadness and the dark gloom suffocating her. Carla couldn't spend the whole night tossing and turning over that disturbing image of Alasdair trying to calm Antony's mother in this very room. She needed to remove herself from the situation and more importantly she needed to find out the truth anyway she could. She went into the bathroom and ran the water splashing copious amounts of water on her face and calming herself down just trying to figure out the next move. Carla would have to search through the archives.

It was still dark in the Palace, after four o'clock in the morning as Carla crept down the stairs as quietly as possible careful not to make a sound. She found her way to the library switching on the lights she mad her way from book shelf to book shelf passing over many of the Gordon's most rare books and collectables Carla did not know what she was looking for really, maybe she just wanted a grasp on reality to be touching things and feeling things letting herself know that she was still alive. She was just about to give up, when a curious little book caught her eye, it bore the name of the asylum Carla had been in at the age of fourteen. Something told her to grab for it as she was curious as to why the Gordon family would have something like this in the first place.

The book was packed with papers falling out, that the weight of it almost made Carla lose her balance again and the baby gave yet another powerful kick. It must be very mad at it's mother, she thought for being so restless and kicking her nonstop. She placed the book on a table, wiping away at the dust. Staring at the title just gave her chills reminding her of all those horrible doctor Foster memories. She read, 'Durham Institution for the Disturbed and Mentally Insane:Patient Inquires 1870-1915'. Why would Antony want something like this she wondered, or she assumed it was Antony. Slowly she opened the book, picking up the first piece of paper staring her in the face. It was nothing special, just a note keeping count of money owed for some particular reason. Carla wasn't too interested to care so she move on to another set and other until finally she found something of interest.

_June 8, 1892_

_Alasdair,_

_Your donation to the institution was most generous, we are all very grateful for your continued belief and support in our methods. I can assure you and in fact give you my complete confidence that the money will be put to great use as well as my word that the physician's under our name work tirelessly to find a suitable cure for hysteria. Do not hesitate to visit, you are never a stranger._

_Sincerely,_

_ Sebastian Francis Foster_

Carla felt a jolt recognizing the surname of the signed note. This was more than likely a relative of Frank Foster writing Alasdair to thank him for donating to the asylum Carla herself once stayed at. It was much too strange how close everything was linked together. So Alasdair was donating money to the asylum and Carla could only guess why, either he did so out of charitable obligations or because Antoinette had more than likely stayed there at one point. After that crazy dream, Carla had no doubt she was somewhat unstable. She put the letter aside for now, flipping through countless others of the same nature; years and years of correspondance between the two gentlemen, the doctor letting Alasdair know how his studies were going while Alasdair was away in the Congo for months at a time. She flipped and flipped, the baby kicking continuously within her Carla was about ready to call it a day when she saw a year that jumped out at her.

_November 25, 1910_

_Alasdair,_

_So sorry for the late reply. Things have been hectic lately and yes I did get your last few letters; quite a few funny ones in there inquiring about that girl again. At first I was curious as to why, but it all clicks now and she does bare an uncanny resemblance to your poor Antoinette. I suppose I better give you her story before I never hear the end of it. She's been here only a few months actually and is under the care of my dear nephew Frank Foster. I looked over her file, apparently the poor thing suffers from dreadful bouts of hysteria and melancholy much like your poor Antoinette did. I don't much know what else to tell you about her, but I give you my word I will try my best to make sure her accommodations are up to the best quality this place has to offer. Lucky her, she has a guardian angel on her side._

_Best,_

_Sebastian_

Carla didn't know what to think reading that. The letter hadn't mentioned any specific names, but she remembers what Alasdair said to her in Cairo, how she had bore quite a resemblance to Antony's mother. Who else could it be? And ever since she had entered that place, only one doctor was in charge of her, Frank Foster. Still she didn't know what to think about any of this, about the man referring to Alasdair as her guardian angel. She would never feel such a way towards him. He was more of a hinderance on her life then anything.

_Alasdair__,_

_Just giving you an update just like you requested. The girl( by the way I forget to mention her name is Caroline Donovan) is quite enjoying that piano you sent over. We had to really sneak it in with all the fuss some patients would likely cause if they saw it, but yes the girl truly likes piano so all of my nephew's inquires paid off. Frank lied and said he bought it from his own home himself, so you are not to worry, no one will ever know of your generous donation. I don't know how I quite feel with a medical place supporting like ours such methods but my nephew is convinced the girl will open up more if she is made to feel at home. This place is quite full of progressive ideas now, and it is a big change since the days of Antoinette's stay here. Anyways I hope your son is well and thank you for yet another generous donation._

More letters...

_I've got all the inquires you requested about the girls parents, although you will have to pay me a hefty sum Alasdair. Doctors just don't go about giving out private information like this for nothing. I think she may be related to that one... Maria Moran?...wasn't your son Antony at her engagement gala a few weeks back? Our little patient was crying to Frank about not being able to attend that or the wedding but it's for the best. Still it truly is a small world after all. By the way I am glad you got Antony cleared of those preposterous claims made by that maid, anything for these women to make up lies about respectable young men._

_Alasdair,_

_I don't know how you've managed to do it, but the girls father wants her to come home so I guess you win. I strongly advise against her leaving treatment as does my nephew Frank, but if you are convinced Antony can make her happy and her parents can be so easily bought then go right ahead. Don't say I didn't warn you though. You should really stop trying to recreate the past. It's not a game Alasdair, these are peoples lives your playing with. Antony isn't you and the girl isn't Antoinette As your friend I am asking you for the sake of future happiness, let this project go or all you'll face is utter disappointment..._

Carla couldn't breathe. She didn't know what to think, perhaps because she never thought it could be true...the true grasp of one man's power on a whole bunch of lives. No matter how many times she had accused Antony of planning every detail of his life meticulously she never thought it was truly possible, that one individual could be in control of so much. And she feels anger and confusion, even gratitude towards Alasdair's acts of kindness but anger wins out in the end. Because even her playing the damn piano at that place couldn't have been left to spontaneity, it was something given to her for a reason, always for a purpose.

It was no wonder why Antony was the way he was, he had learned from the greatest puppet master of all; Alasdair Gordon. And suddenly the resentment and the anger on Antony's part makes sense. He was only rebelling against his father not only for all that happened with his mother, but because like Carla he wanted to break free to be in control of his own destiny. Antony didn't want what his father wanted for him, which was basically for Carla and him both to be Alasdair and Antoinette 2.0. without all the set backs and all the pain. He had failed miserably and now there was nothing left to do,as far as she was concerned everything she had known about her life at the Palace was built on lies. Everything she had ever feared for herself, had come true. Nothing was real, her Antony could never have worked because they never really had a real chance to begin with. She was panicking, on the verge of breaking down. The place where her anger was coming from was so strong she felt she may erupt. It was feeling of power, because she had the urge and the need to destroy things; to destroy the Palace with all its expectations sucking the life out of her and then blowing away the Paradise which was suffocating her and holding her to its stupid dreams. She was giving into to the darkness, letting this anger engulf her because it is the only way she can deal with this secret, the only way to survive Carla was letting her fear save her and as far as she was concerned there was nothing left to do but let Paradise Palace burn to the ground.


	101. Chapter 101

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews on the last chapter. Here is the next instalment. Thanks for reading and for all the congratulations on my reaching of 100 chapters. Your support has meant a lot.  
**

You_ are formally invited to celebrate in the engagement of_

_Mr. Trevor Conrad Maximilien Dean to Miss. Giulia Cecilia Gordon_

_Saturday _

_November 27, 1926_

_Paradise Palace_

Liam's eyes drifted periodically from the invitation as his driver made his way through busy London traffic. It was another Thursday again so he was in city again to attend to some business on behalf of his father. Paul, Michelle and Thomas were also on the trip and Liam welcomed Michelle's company in particular as his sister made it easy for him to slip away with having to offer a concrete explanation to their brother. Liam was also grateful that Giulia cancelled meeting with Cillian because he had another meeting with the Private Investigator Bentley Wise.

As the car continued on way to it's destination his blue eyes stared at those two words making up that cocky bastards name and he wished nothing but horrible things for Trevor Dean. Liam did not want poor Giulia to marry such an idiot, in his opinion she was still too young to be getting married anyways and he wanted nothing but the best her in the future. Trevor was not the best, because he would clearly never be able to give her his whole heart whilst he remained hung up on Carla. Liam remembers a few months back when he vowed to put a hit out on Trevor; it had been the most insane moment of jealousy. He didn't really mean it of course, but Liam wished that Trevor would at least just disappear and if he could find a way to accomplish this without hurting Giulia's heart Liam would. But then again, Liam wondered if the girl would even miss her fiance. He thought it unlikely from the way she continued to pour her heart out about Julian Dean. Since the meeting where Giulia had revealed to him that she was seeing ghosts; a revelation that freaked him the hell out, they had had a few more get togethers since. All Giulia could talk about was her future brother in law, so much that the boy seemed to become a topic of second nature.

"We're here Mr. Connor," announces the driver as they pull up to a sketchy looking pub in one of the more rundown areas of the city.

Liam looked out his window apprehensively just getting himself ready for the type of dodgy meeting he would likely have with Mr. Wise. All he knew was that the man better have a plan down solid or he would lose his temper for certain this time around, "Thank you," Liam says retrieving his pocket watch from his coat and glancing at it quickly, "Be back in two hours and not a word of this to my father or anyone. Is this understood?"

"Yes sir," says the driver, "You have my complete confidence Mr. Connor."

"Good," Liam says quickly tucking away his watch and the invitation. Opening the door he made a quick exit walking into the pub with not a moment waste searching for Bentley Wise. He spotted him after a few moments in a corner at a table with two other men each of whom were enjoying a pint.

"Mr. Connor," says the Private Investigator noticing his arrival and quickly rising with the two other men, "You arrived. I hope finding the place was not too difficult."

"It wasn't," Liam says shaking Bentley Wise's hand and looking at the two other men quizzically. They were rather young looking, one with blonde hair and blue eyes who looked rather moody and the other with brown hair and brown eyes who was anything but, "And you are?" says Liam.

"Oh how rude," says Bentley Wise, "Forgive Mr. Connor, but these are the two men I told you about. The one's with ties to Tina McIntyre."

"Hello," says Liam smiling politely and extending his hand to the two men, "Nice to meet you."

"And you sir. I'm Tyrone Dobbs," says the friendly more stockier of the two and this my cousin Thomas Duckworth."

"You can call me Tommy," says the blond one interrupting his cousin, "So you're the man we are doing the hit for?"

"In a word yes," says Liam sitting himself down and declining offers to get him a drink, "But I hear you have some grievances against Mr. Gordon yourself?"

"Do I ever," says Tommy sitting down opposite Liam. His blue eyes were full of anger as much as they were sadness, "He took everything from me and now I'm going to take everything from him. I want to take his life like he took that of my unborn baby's."

"Has Bentley here giving you any ideas as for a plan?" Liam asks pointedly looking at the P.I. Liam had warned him about not slacking off ever again.

"Yes," says Tommy, "But we're going to need your help first?"

"And why is that exactly?" Liam says shooting a look in the P.I.'s direction. Liam was getting annoyed he had hired the P.I. for help and not the other way around.

"It's nothing really," interjects Tyrone, "We just would like a guest list for this engagement gala. Like the who's who in attendance and not only that but we also need a blue print of the Palace layout. It will help us immensely with planning ahead. Could you get these things for us?"

"I could ask Carla," Liam says although he feels a bit guilt. She was under enough pressure as it was. The last thing he wanted was for her to get in trouble for snooping around that place and he wasn't going to put her in danger for just anything like he had before, "But before I agree to anything I would like to hear your _excellent_ plan first."

"Okay well it's simple really," Tyrone starts off, "Tommy here is going to show up to the house with the delivery package on the day of the gala. Alasdair Gordon has requested it be delivered early in the morning since there is so much for the servants to sit up."

"Mr. Wise says that you expressed concern about not having the murders done out in the open. So if I could just get Antony Gordon and the other man you want dead in one room far off from the hustle and bustle of the party and shoot them then everything will be a go."

Liam was irritated. If this was the well thought out plan Bentley Wise had promised it was not enough, not enough by a long shot. Liam wanted details. Glaring at Mr. Wise Liam made sure to display his upmost displeasure. He would not but his darling Carla in danger for this simple plan and he would like for her to remain innocent and untainted by all his plotting. "If you want the maps, the guest list, and the list of staff I'm afraid you'll just have to get yourself Mr. Wise. Isn't that what I'm paying for, to be undercover? Surely it won't be too much of a hassle for you to find a way inside the palace. Let's see," Liam says fed up and annoyed at the sight of him, quickly retrieves his calendar. It was November 4, 1926, "You have twenty three days do this! Twenty three days to get the maps and the guest list and the servants list! You've have twenty three days to come up with a way to get rid of that scum Antony Gordon. I've given you so much time and this is the best you come up with?!"

"Perhap's your expectations are too high sir," says the P.I. undeterred by Liam's anger, "Any who we'll come up with something—"

"Just burn the place," says Liam thinking about poor Giulia and the creepy visions she was experiencing there, "Just burn it to the ground."

"But I thought you said you didn't want anyone getting hurt? Surely a fire would harm the innocent."

"No one has to get hurt," says Liam starting to plan things himself as it was obvious the P.I. was incapable of doing anything on his own, "Just give me a second to think."

The men at the table waited in silence not wanting the man who was paying them to snap. After a while though Tyrone decided to be brave and speak, "You're right that no one has to get hurt. We could remove the guests from the house."

"How exactly are we going to remove hundreds upon hundreds of celebrating guests from the house on a night like that? Plus the servants, everyone in it, that would just be impossible," says Tommy putting in his two cents.

"Not if something else big occurs as a cover for the fire," says Tyrone his brown dancing with eagerness to share his idea.

"Alright," says Liam calming down a bit. The two men seemed dependable even if the P.I. was not, "What do you have in mind?"

"I hear that Mr. Gordon is a big fan of illusions. Mr. Wise tells us he likes to put on little shows for people, mess with lives like everything is a part of some bigger picture. Even my employer could say as much."

"He messed with my Tina's life," mutters Tommy.

"And my Carla's," adds Liam, "What's your point?"

"I say we give a show he wont forget…trick him. They always say that to perceive is to deceive, so if we could just have him perceive something we could very well deceive him. I say that on the night of this engagement gala a big deception should go down, something that will get everyone rushing for the doors and Antony rushing for cover. But in order to be safe since Antony Gordon is a rather smart man, we have to target the guests with this deception. They'd be much easier to fool."

Of course, Liam thought. His plot with deceiving Antony with his and Carla's breakup evolved around putting on a grand show to fool the man into thinking he was getting his own way and had finally broken them up for good. Liam had orchestrated the whole thing by playing Antony at his own games, putting on a show for Ciaran, Peter, Maria and all the servants and he could do it again, he could put on a show to make Antony believe something horrible was happening at Giulia's gala that would cause him to go somewhere where he'd need to be alone, somewhere where he'd think himself safe. Perhaps he would need Alexander Dorscher's help after all.

"We need a gun," Liam blurts out, "We need a gun and we need Alexander Dorscher to be holding it," his mind is racing a millions per minute just imagining it all now. The program for the evening would most likely be the reception, drinks, waltzing and then dinner, "We need Antony to see Alexander Dorscher holding a gun at the party—during waltzing. It would be perfect."

"I don't know if Mr. Dorscher truly wants to go anymore. Elizabeth Dorscher will not tolerate it—"

"Doesn't he want revenge for his daughter? His unborn grandchild? He must and he'll change his mind because Antony would never expect the man to actually show his face there. I mean of course he sent an invitation for the sake of appearances, but believe me the stakes are high. Once Alexander shows up with his family, Antony will have his eye on him the whole night he wont even know he has someone else completely different to fear."

Bentley Wise started to share his thoughts, "Perhaps then if this is all about deception, perhaps we just need Alexander to make his presence known. His appearance at the ball will be enough to have the wheels in Antony's head spinning. Alexander doesn't actually have to do anything but Antony doesn't need to know that. Lets not risk it with a gentleman holding any guns; Antony may quickly alert everyone and call for the police. Lets keep him on his toes instead. There's no harm in Mr. Dorscher declining the invitation only to surprise Antony later by showing up. Even more still he can make remarks and underhanded threats; that is sure to play with Antony's mind a bit."

"I still say we fool somebody with a gun," says Tommy and glancing at Tyrone he smiles, "I think you'd be the perfect candidate for the job."

"Why?" says Tyrone not liking the idea at all, "Why me?"

"Because your Mr. Dorscher's loyal valet and you take allegiances to a whole new level. Who better than a loyal servant to enact revenge on behalf of their master. So you should also act suspiciously the whole night, maybe make a few ladies uncomfortable and then finally have your gun make an appearance, cause mayhem and have everyone running for the exits."

"But still how do we know Antony and Aidan Moran won't go running for the exits with everyone else? From my understanding they are a bunch cowards," says Bentley Wise, "How can we ensure there staying without raising eyebrows?"

"We have to make it worth there while," says Liam an idea popping into his head, "No one says they have to see the gun. We just have to lower them away before we lower any of the guests from the party. And I think I have the perfect way to do that."

"How?" asks Tommy.

"Notes."

"Notes?" says Tommy raising his eyebrow confused.

" Yes, notes," repeats Liam. In his opinion is was the perfect homage to the threats he sent Alexander Dorscher and Antony was sure to get a kick out of someone else emulating his devious work, "For Antony the note will be from Alexander Dorscher; a threat warning him that if he does not want to talk there will be serious consequences. It may not threaten Antony but he will nonetheless be intrigued enough and consider himself to be doing Dorscher a favor in entertaining his whims."

"And for the other man in your radar, Aidan Moran? What note do you have planned for him? What sort of note will he get?"

"One from his niece Carla," says Liam just shuddering as he said it, "He wouldn't pass up an opportunity to be with her alone. He'd probably want to justify himself and his actions. He has no remorse for any of his crimes."

"Okay so we got the letters to lure them to the same room," says Tyrone and taking control of things he snaps fingers calling of apiece paper and something to write with, "We need to a few things. We need the schedule of the evening's events, the servant's list, guest list, and a floor plan and we need someone on our side who can try to make everyone comfortable on the outside, someone good at distraction."

"I have a cousin Phillipa she is good for that. She can distract the guests and I'm sure the servants will start setting up tents regardless of the snow to entertain the rich snobs in attendance. The party must go on and it will once everyone is calmed down."

"Oh I know of Phillipa," says Tyrone," She is a dear friend to Alexander's two daughters and you're right she is quite the talker. If she can really entertain a whole group of people without a fuss then that would be welcomed and no one would be allowed back into the house right away and it's likely the police will be alerted."

"Which means I have to work fast," says Tommy, "Whomever comes through the door first gets a bullet in their head and the second is soon to follow the first. I just can't have Tina recognizing me when I deliver the dinning pieces."

"So it's probably a good idea if Dorscher has the order delivered through the servant's entrance. We'll have to keep you out of the way of the main party and keep you near wherever we decide the shootings will take place. Lets give it ten to fifteen minutes after everyone has been evacuated; the county cops are quite slow with arriving on the scene."

"That all sounds good," says Tommy satisfied, "A ten to fifteen minute window seems reasonable. I'll need a signal for the fire. By the way who is going to be in charge of setting the fire?"

"I'll be," announces Liam. Nothing would give him more pleasure then destroying the very thing which destroyed Carla and Giulia's life. Once this was done they'd finally be free. Carla would be free to love him fully without the threat of her bastard husband, "I have to be the one to do it. But you have to promise me something Mr. Duckworth."

"And what is that sir?"

"That I'll get to look down at those two evil bastards corpses one last time just for vengeances sake; just before those two pitiful fools are nothing but ashes."

Tommy grins and raising his pint says, "You and I both sir. It will be worth every second," he downs his drink.

The four men look pleased at the days progress and Bentley Wise was next to raise his glass, "Twenty three days, then?"

"Twenty three days."

They understood each other perfectly now. It was now twenty-three days until Antony Gordon would cease to exist.

* * *

On the fifth of November Liam felt better, much better than he had been feeling for months. Maybe it was because he finally felt like he was getting somewhere once and for all with Antony problem. It wasn't all talk anymore, everything was becoming much more real, much more attainable…

"…_everything is beautiful." _

Carla's voice whispers in his ear. And waking up to the sun shinning in through his window just reflecting his mood, Liam feels that when she actually says those words he can believe them. But he also remembers what he added to it, their little saying right after Paul's Margaret died and it was an important to remember still…

"_Everything is beautiful…in it's own time."_

Liam felt it was time. Time to see her again, to laugh, to stop being so angry and just hold his sweet heart again. He had to talk things over with Carla and the timing was perfect because he was in a much better place. They could think about things more clearly now and now that he had restored confidence within himself he could work on things without being so jealous and upset. He just felt more confident in everything he needed to say to her.

"Where are you going?" Liam asks as he descends the grand staircase of his parent's home. He watched as Michelle fussed with Cillian over wearing his winter coat. Cillian was being difficult but it was too hard for his Aunt to get angry with him since he was just so adorable and behaved as Liam did as a child through and through. Liam couldn't help but smile a bit at his son's mischievous games.

"Hold still Cillian," croons Michelle trying to grab for one arm to put through a sleeve before glancing up at Liam, "I'm taking him to see his mother, or have you forgotten it's her day to see him again. Do you have other plans for him or something?"

"No," says Liam. He had completely forgotten that Michelle had intended to drive Cillian into town to meet Carla for day as she so often did on his behalf, "I don't but why don't I take him for a change?"

"Why?" asks Michelle in the most irritable of manners, "I was intending to ask Carla what Giulia would like as an engagement present. I intended to shop for one as well."

" I thought you would have shopped for Giulia in London and anyways I want to talk to Carla," Liam says not at all bothered by his sister's mini tantrum, "I'll take him."

Michelle raised her eyebrow in surprise, "You want to talk to her? What about?"

"Things," says Liam curtly thinking about Giulia and her confession. He had promised to tell no one about it so he was not about to tell Michelle but he was considering telling Carla, maybe he wasn't sure yet.

"Trevor Dean?"

"Possibly."

"Don't you think you've guilt tripped her enough? The poor woman is carrying _your child_ brother and your stressing her out because of your ego."

"Michelle," Liam says calmly even though he felt anything but calm now that she bought Trevor Dean up, "Just let me deal with it the way I want to. I'm taking Cillian for the day. Where were you two planning on meeting?"

"For the lunch at The Bourbon," Michelle snaps obviously angry that her plans had been ruined.

"Of course," says Liam remembering the suite his family owned at that hotel and how Carla had once painted him there. They had so many memories, he now felt foolish for always letting his anger get the better of him and stopping them from somehow making many more, "What time?"

"An hour, Carla is usually early though."

"Well lets not keep mummy waiting," says Liam grinning down at his son, "Right Cillian?"

"No papa," says Cillian grinning back, "You can't keep a lady waiting."

"Oh really?" Liam says exchanging looks with Michelle, "And who told you this?"

"Aunt Margaret and Uncle Samuel and GuGu says it all the time too."

"Your sister is one smart lady isn't she?"

"I love _my GuGu_ papa! She's mine and I protect her like all boys protect girls. I'm GuGu's guardian angel."

"Oh the guardian angel talk again," says Michelle winking finally managing to get his coat and hat on, " Giulia is very lucky to have you! You better protect me as well! It's no fair that Margaret and Giulia should get all your attention."

"You should see him with his Aunt Sophie from New York, he loved her the most, always making eyes at her, weren't you Cillian?"

Cillian hid his face in mock embarrassment making cutesy faces at Michelle and groveling in her full attention before looking up at his father and saying, "Come papa! Were going to see mummy now!"

"Well of you insist," says Liam laughing as the little man marched forward grabbing his hand and pulling him in the direction of the door.

Michelle's anger quickly vanished waved them off laughing the whole time at the surprising strength of her nephew and his ability to boss everyone around and get away with it. The drive into town was an exhausting one.

Liam walked into the dinning room of the hotel Cillian in tow. A waiter took there coats and Liam looked around the room, searching for Carla. His eyes fell upon her looking around nervously, her long hair done up into an up do; Liam couldn't help but smile. She always had a way of looking so beautiful and perfect, taking his breath away in the same manner she had on the day they met. Immediately he had a yearning to just make everything right between them again.

"Mummy!" shout's Cillian excitedly breaking away from Liam's grasp and earning a few adoring stares from other patrons in the dinning area as he ran towards Carla.

"Cillian," says Carla getting up immediately and grouching down a bit so he could run into her arms. She kissed his head of hair and cheeks affectionately as Liam made his way over. When she spots him, her eyes go a bit wide but quickly they turn warm and she smiles weakly at him blushing, "Hello Liam."

"Hello," Liam replies biting down on his lower lip as she rises up to greet him as well. He wanted nothing more then to kiss her, but he wasn't sure if she would want to kiss him back. He wouldn't blame her for wanting to be reserved. After all he had kept their contact to the minimum over the past few months inquiring only after her and the baby's health. But it was only because he couldn't stand the feeling of being hurt. His eyes drifted over her belly and noticed she was starting to show a bit.

They sat down and did not speak about anything serious for a while. Carla mostly fussed over Cillian who was enjoying his mother's full attention immensely. He observed her, noticing that she looked a bit tired and worn out, on edge even. Liam prayed to God Antony hadn't done anything to cause this. They both took their time ordering and getting food for their precious little child; a symbol of their love whatever he required. When Cillian was finally satisfied with all the attention given he decided to focus on devouring his meal, finally Liam and Carla had a chance to talk.

"How is everything?" Liam finally manages hating the awkwardness between them, "How is the baby?"

"It's fine," Carla says, "Little Robert Paul or Geneva likes to kick a lot. I think I may go see a doctor and just make sure everything is fine because I'm having trouble sleeping."

Liam watched as she placed one of her delicate hands on the table, mesmerized by their simple beauty. He had been a fool to deny himself her beautiful presence for all these months, "I'll come with you to the doctors," Liam says hoping that would make up for his horrible behavior all these past months. Extending his hand across the table he tries to touch hers, quickly she pulls it away looking like all of this is too much to bear.

"Thank you," Carla replies her voice struggling to appear strong and wilful, " But Maria's already offered and I'm sure your busy—"

"Carla," Liam is shattered by her pulling away, "Don't be ridiculous I want to."

"I'm fine Liam, you missed other stuff why start coming now?" Carla looks at him, her eyes slowly watering,"I've gone to plenty of appointments on my own."

Liam can't stand her coldness, "You didn't even tell me about these other appointments Carla. How was I supposed to know?" and because he can't help himself he says, "Just another secret in a long line of many, huh?"

"I was wondering when you were going to bring that up," she says unable to hold back a cold laugh, " Sometimes I wonder why you are even still with me Liam? I am obviously not everything you dreamed I'd be. I basically failed at being your perfect little princess, didn't I?""

"Look I'm sorry," says Liam in a whisper not wanting to fight in front of Cillian, "You know I love you—"

"I know nothing of the sort," Carla snaps back.

Liam snapped his fingers calling for the bill. He could see the spoiled little princess in her coming out already and he just wanted to take this argument to his family's hotel suite before she made a scene. They glared at one other all through paying the bill. How she infuriated him, always making him burn with anger as much as desire. Sometimes he just wanted to break her stubbornness and bend her to his will in all ways. The thought of her with another man, the thought of having to share her with anyone made him almost mad at times. When they were leaving, Liam made it a point to grab for and hold her hand as he escorted her from the dinning area. Cillian ran ahead to elevators.

"Let go of me," Carla hissed, "I don't want you to hold my hand."

"Deal with it," Liam smirked at her cockily. He was sort of enjoying her predictable act of pretending to hate him. The way she tried to yank away from him but he held her in place only made his frustation and lust all the more potent, "I'm holding your hand don't let be the death of you now darling."

Cillian was oblivious to it all still, the tension between his parents and by time they made there way into the hotel suite he disappeared to his room to play with all the toys Michelle had bought for him leaving Liam and Carla free to go into another room and starting the fight that had been aching to get out all this time. He wanted to tell her about Giulia and about all that he was doing because he loves her, but Carla won't even look at him unless it's to showcase her displeasure.

"Look," Liam says shutting the door to the separate room, "You say I started this, but you started this. You started this with Trevor Dean, even before Trevor Dean actually."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Carla says spinning around and ready to slap him, "Before him? How else was I supposed to act knowing that this is how you get Liam!"

"And do you blame me?" Liam whispers. It was clear she didn't understand the amount of pain her lying had caused him and cost this relationship, "Once the trust is gone you can never get it back."

"So what do you want from me Liam?" Carla glares, "You left me at that place to fend for myself. Just because you didn't agree with my decision to stay in the first place; which I did by the way for Giulia's sake! And then you completely shunned me, you stopped talking to me."

"That wasn't the reason," Liam snapped back although he knew deep down that her refusal to listen to him was part of the problem, "This has everything to do with Trevor Dean and you keeping secrets!"

Carla looked ready to pull her hair out she was so frustrated, "I apologized Liam! I said nothing would ever happen again."

Liam couldn't help himself. With her track record he couldn't believe her. As much as he loved her it came a price he could read her like no other, he could tell when she was lying. The muscles in her neck got tense and flinched, "And has it?" he whispers, "Has anything happen again between the two of you? The look on her face said it all, said everything he was afraid of. Liam felt about ready to lose it like he could punch a wall, "Unbelievable. So why'd you even bother apologizing for, huh?!" he whispers shaking his head in disgust and disbelief. She had basically ripped his heart out for the hundredth time.

"Liam," Carla says knowing that he has read her; her green eyes filling with tears and her wall is falling away at the thought of losing him, "I love you-"

Now it was his turn to pull away. Liam removed himself from the reach of her extending grasp turning away from her just trying to process this whole nightmare. The betrayal was so great, he didn't even want to think of it, much less speak about it. Her saying it, made it all the more real and painful. He felt his throat closing in with all the pain and tears were soon to follow. Was this what they had become? A couple continuously repeating the same mistakes over and over and yet never seeming to learn a thing. Love could hurt people and sometimes he wondered of love was enough anymore. Was love enough when all they did was hurt one another? A few moments past in silence ane he listened to the sound of her tears, despising them as much as they broke his heart.

"Liam please say something," she finally musters, "Please say something, anything."

"Was it just a kiss, or was it something more?"

"Just a kiss."

"When?" he says composing himself and turning around staring blankly at her.

"June, the same night Tina took her fall. I was upset-"

"I don't need to hear details," Liam says coldly observing her. All he knew was that Trevor Dean was a bastard who took advantage of his Carla and her sad state. It was pathetic really, how easily she fell for it. He was so angry and surprised at the amount of anger and hatred he was feeling in this moment. The timing was not right, and nothing was beautiful after all. They were a complete mess.

"Liam I really love you. I'm sorry-"

"I need to go," he had had enough. Liam couldn't face this right now. He couldn't keep on forgiving her and somehow thinking it was always his fault that she did the things she did. The truth was, regardless of how much he loved her and their unborn child; she was selfish and reckless and if she could stomp his heart so easily without a second thought he didn't know whether she was worth fighting for. He was tired of putting in all the effort.

"Liam please don't go," Carla pleads I love you. I will never ever be in love with another man."

He can feel the warmth of her touch grasping for his arm making him feel like everything could be alright. He wants to believe in the promise of that touch and the sparkling desperation in her eyes. When he had woken up this morning he had imagined things going so much more differently, he imagined they would have made up by now. But he is stubborn this time against her pleas, "Your word is shot to hell now Carla, don't you think?"

"Look," says Carla pulling him around to look Liam straight in the eye, "I know I hurt you but Trevor means nothing. It's you and it's always been you that I love. I screw up okay and I don't know why but I don't want to. I want to be with you-I just-sometimes I don't think I deserve you."

"I've heard this all before Carla," says Liam all too familiar with her insecurities "I can't tell you how many times over that I think you're worth it and have you believe it. It has to come from within you now, you have to be the one that think your worth something-"

"Liam-"

"No!" says Liam cutting her off, "I've made some mistakes too. I've been jealous and childish. I've ran away when things have gotten tough. I've done almost all the things I have accused you of doing when it comes to down it. But at the end of the day the difference is I would never even think about another woman much less look at one the way I do you! Maybe that's my weakness, that I can't be selfish with you, I can't pretend that you don't affect me more than any other woman in this world. But you've been so selfish with me, when two people like us are suppose to be honest with our hearts, you've been anything but. Your heart seems like it jumps from Peter, to Trevor, and then to me. It doesn't seem to know what it wants!"

"But it doesn't though," Carla cries, "It doesn't jump around Liam. My heart wants you. I love you."

"STOP LYING! It does and you know it. So please stop lying to yourself Carla and admit it!"

"But I love you! Why can't you stop this?!"

"Because you love Peter too goddammit! And you lust after Trevor," he could tell that his anger frightened her and though it would have usually deterred him; Liam felt it necessary to get his point across and let the message sink in clear. He would not share her with Antony, Trevor, Peter, or anyone, " Is it so wrong for me to want you all to myself without having to worry about those two idiots?!"

"Can't we just start over and forgive one another already? I hate fighting with you like this. You forget I stopped talking to Peter for you after all our friendship has been through. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't love you Liam. It's in your head, the way you think I feel about Peter!"

" And Trevor Dean?!" Liam glares his face turning red just being reminded of how she thought Peter was her special saviour. But of course she can't deny him that truth or the way she felt about that cocky bastard Trevor, " That wasn't in my head, now was it? You know," Liam cries, "My grandmother used to tell me that we have three different kinds of love in our lives, our first love, the love of our life, and the man or woman of _your_ life...the three rarely match."

"What are you trying to say," Carla whispers, "That you are leaving me? That I let you down?"

He looked at her, the woman he loved with all his heart, with whom he wished to build the perfect life with. He hated how nothing ever seemed to turn out how one expected it to. Everyone said that love at first sight was ridiculous, that it wasn't real but everything he had ever felt for her was. He couldn't be selfish in his feelings for her and ever deny them because ever since he laid eyes on her all those faithful years ago this much was true; everything he felt for her was real and he pretend with her. He couldn't pretend to be something that he was not, because that would be to deny that he loved her. Selfish love only lies and Liam would never lie about his heart to Carla. She was so tragically beautiful, even with all the tears running down her face. Slowly he cups her cheek in his hand wiping away her tears, mesmerized by them. They feel like perfect little rain drops and all he feels is regret because Liam never wished to cause her all this plan, "That's not what i'm saying at all," he is blinking back his own tears, "I'm saying that you were all three for me, you are all three; always have been. I can't be selfish with you Carla. I can't pretend to deny that your all I ever wanted."

"Liam-" she is holding back more tears. His words seemed to much for her to hear, the gravity of his need for her. She is trying to get away from him again, he can tell. She can never seem to handle the fact that she deserves to be happy, "Liam-," But Liam puts his finger gently on her lips to silence her.

"Now it's up to you decide if I'm all three as well. Or if Peter and Trevor have places in your heart too because I don't want to compete with anyone anymore. I don't want them or Antony to have any holds over you anymore. I want you, all of you" he gestures to their baby, "all of this forever. So you have to make the choice about us and whether it's us that you want too. But once you make a choice you have to stick by it because I can't do this anymore."

"I'll do anything for you," Carla cries feebly at his words. Her lips are trembling in a crying fit and she is short of breath , "It's always been you that I love. They aren't the same, not at all. I will never love Trevor or Peter the way I love you."

"Then once Giulia's engagement is over I don't want you to see them ever again. It's the only way we'll have a real chance, the only way to move forward. I don't want you seeing Peter again and once Trevor is gone from that Palace the same applies for him as well."

Liam couldn't feel guilty for asking this, not now when he was infuriated with the danger of losing his Carla. This request he had to reason was not selfish because it showed his honesty and that he would always be straight with all he wanted. Liam would never pretend to be anyone else with her and the fact was that he could be a very jealous man. He had to have her all to himself, he couldn't bear the thought of her ever loving another man. Even thinking that she once adored Antony made Liam extremely angry at times. But this love for Peter and Trevor was different; it was more of a threat because it rivalled his own. Liam was so close to obtaining their happy ending and he could not have those two men ruining it now; this was a sacrifice Carla would just have to make if she indeed loved him with all her heart. He had to put his foot down for the sake of his family, and for the future of his relationship. He wouldn't share her anymore, it wasn't fair and if people thought that selfish they could go to hell because they did not understand how much this woman was his everything.

Liam can see it in her eyes, she is lost without his presence. He sees that after all this time he still has that same effect on her, to make her weak in the knees and lose all control. It was that all consuming love they had for one another and he knows that because of it, she would do anything to save it. He had done all that he could and now it was her turn. Carla seems to agree with this and falls into his arms wrapping her arms around his neck. Liam is satisfied and gives sigh of relief as he feels her lips brush his cheek gently. His relationship was saved.

"You're all three for me too," she murmurs back, "You're all three for me too Liam."


	102. Chapter 102

**I had originally uploaded this chapter only to delete it almost immediately after. I am not so sure if I am happy with the current version either but here it is.**

"Is this what you want then?" Peter Barlow's croaks to Carla from across the small table. His deep brown eyes seared into hers trying to appeal to her better nature. Desperately his hand reaches for hers and quickly Carla pulls them from his reach.

It was a clear rule for today; Carla did not wish to feel. She is ready to explode but unable to face the true gravity of this choice she has to make. She cant handle that he cares about her so much and every fiber of her being is secretly begging him to have the sense to just leave before she destroys his heart and sucks away everything left of him. Carla knows that she will hurt him more than ever before. What she wants is to shut the guilt off, to shut off all her feelings and go on existing like so many others seem able to do. In this moment she felt confusion because the first person she thought of was Antony and how she admired him. She admired his ability to remove himself from situations, to remain unaffected by all the ways he could hurt others, and that after awhile he could just be…exist how ever he wanted. Like he had said in her in that dream; it was easier to forget who you once were. It was the only way to be free.

Carla can't ignore pain like that, she can't be so free as to shut everything off inside because at night everything still gets to her and her bad choices still come rushing back. The dilemma she faced now was deciding whether this situation in front of her was another of these bad choices that would come back in a full force of regret. His tears are grating at her, making Carla feel a strange anger. She wants to just shout at him to get out of here, 'get out of this place before I kill all that's left of you, before I have to face the reality of what I've become'.

"My mind is made up Peter. This is the way it has to be," her throat feels so sore she thought it might collapse. That would be welcome because telling Peter she cannot see him anymore is more difficult then she wished, "It's exactly what I want."

The temples of his forehead are pulsating and he seems to be trying to curb his anger and his anguish. But it is all too much to and he blurts out, "What horseshit this is! This isn't what you want it's what _he_ wants!"

Happiness comes with a price. Carla was no fool to this fact. She remembers how someone once told her every woman has a price they must pay if they want to leave their cage and this was hers. Carla had reached such a dangerous unpredictable stage in her relationship with Liam that she was willing to pay whatever price she had to to prove once and for all that she does love him.

"_You always have a choice. You could have said no…"_

Alasdair and his haunting words send shivers down her spine. In this moment they are fitting; she does have a choice and sometimes choices aren't easy. But perhaps this is a lesson she is finally getting long after the choice she made in Cairo to give Giulia over in order to protect Liam and Cillian. Perhaps it was sinking now that love wasn't defined by the moments that were easy but the things which were hardest. As much as she didn't like to admit it, with Giulia she had chosen the more easier of the two options. It was time to choose differently and choose the thing which was infinitely harder.

"Leave him out of this. This discussion is between you and I and no one else."

"I would hardly call it a discussion when you've already made up your mind. You're just telling me things Carla and expecting that I accept them."

"It's the only way to be," Carla says curtly, "The only way my family will have a chance."

"So he gave you one viewpoint?" Peter snarls, "One way of being? What were the choices I wonder?"

"It wasn't like that," Carla gets defensive. She hated the accusatory tone he took in regards to Liam.

"I'm most certain that it was darling. But don't you worry. One of these days you're going to realize something about your precious Liam Connor; that everything new can be old again and everything old can be new just the same."

"I don't what you're trying to say," Carla struggles to keep her voice monotone and her thoughts, feelings, and everything else emotionless.

"Don't you though? Sounds to me like you're in the same old trap, different name, different circumstances this time but nonetheless the same old story."

She understood that Peter was angry and hurt. She expected his anger but he had crossed the line in implying that Liam was anything like Antony. She would not tolerate these baseless comparisons, "Liam is nothing like Antony. They are two completely different people."

"No that's where you're wrong sweetheart," Peter bitterness is uncensored at this point; his mocking out in full force, "You'll never be enough for Liam—"

"Just stop it," Carla warns him. But as Peter says those words the crippling self-doubt, always present, forever haunting creeps into her mind. Antony voice appears like her ingrained conscious…

"…_Don't you understand? That it's my kind of love, the only sort of love there is… conditional love."_

Was Peter right in saying that Liam's love was the same? That it was a love of conditions? After all he did give her conditions for their relationship to continue. He always upped and left her when she did something he did not approve of. It was like he couldn't handle the possibility that Carla may be something different from everything ever conjured up in his mind. Now Liam was burdening her with the choice of him or a friendship with Peter. But he was doing so because she had betrayed his trust and hurt him so many times. She had never hurt Antony; he just thrived off of imposing her with his endless conditions in their marriage and that's why she reasoned the two situations were completely different. Carla had never given Antony any reason to mistrust her.

"You can't be what other people want you to be; what _he_ wants you to be! When are you going to wake up and realize this? You can only ever be yourself or else you'll never be happy."

"I love Liam. He makes me want to be a better person Peter. He makes me want to change—"

"—And give up your dreams too, right? To have the whole definition of your identity defined in relation to him?"

"Not at all. That's not how we are at all!"

"BULL! You let him put ideas in your head; make you out how he wants you to be. You learn to define yourself through Liam and how he sees you. Buts it's all getting too much to handle," Peter stares her dead in the eyes, "I can see in your face how difficult it has become to be his perfect little everything."

Carla just didn't want to hear this anymore. She didn't want to hear Peter's outside perspective on her very complicated relationship with Liam. Nothing he could do or say would ever change her mind; Liam is the love of her life.

"Do you even paint anymore?" Peter whispers. "I mean I always thought that while we were in New York and you were under that alias running your own gallery and making money; that finally you had realized your own potential, your own self worth. What changed?"

" You left. I went Cairo. I meet Liam again."

"Again? Well that's just it isn't it?" Peter gives a regretful sigh, "And everything was beautiful again I suppose or maybe that's what you let him feed to you. You let him give you all these lovely little speeches about love and happiness and it all sounded very good at the time. Maybe you even believe everything he says because you want to believe that he actually has something to give you, some magical solution to all the pain that exists in your world. But somehow at the end of all the bullshit you end up right back in England in the one place you swore to never step foot in again. Tell me how that's makes any sense that he can care about you yet drag back here in chains?"

"He had nothing to do with my decision to come back," Carla whispers although again she knew that was somewhat untrue. Alasdair had threatened that Liam had better return to England with her if she wanted him to live and get a divorce Antony, "There were circumstances completely outside of his control. And it isn't his fault I'm back at Paradise Palace either. I make own decisions as hard as it may be to believe."

Peter shakes his head in a resigned no, "No Carla, you don't. You can't even make up your own mind to finally love yourself or even think that you are good person. It's because men like Liam say they love you and think that you good, that it even dawns on you that these things could be a possibility Don't you see it, don't you see how nothing is of your own freewill?"

"I'm trying to change," Carla finally manages and it is then that she realizes the tears are flowing. Carla is a complete mess, "I'm trying to make choices for myself."

Peter tucks into his coat pocket retrieving a handkerchief and sliding it across the table into Carla's hands, "Can I ask you something?" he whispers.

"Fine," Carla says feebly accepting the fact that she is incapable of shielding her feelings in moments like these. Why couldn't she be more like Antony in the way he just shut everything off.

"What do you want in life?"

"I don't know."

"Of course you do."

"No I don't," Carla cries. She just wanted things to come easy and in this moment to be able to stop her inner pain. She felt like such a horrible person, like everything her father ever said she was coming full circle and into realization. It was hard to fight these negative voices whispering horrible things in her head.

"Carla," Peter whispers sympathetically, "At some point you're going to have to choose between giving into the illusions of who you could be and accepting what is that you actually are. Realizing that sometimes the things you hate, you hate because they resemble you more closely then you originally thought. You hate the flaws because you are the flaws and you hate that you can't be perfect. But you have to accept that perfect is what everyone else wants but their perfect isn't your perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist and loving someone is having the ability to look inside some else and finally see that truth. So I ask you again Carla, what do you want? Don't think about what I want, what Liam wants, or anyone else. What do you want?"

The noise of the cafe where she had met Peter began to close her in. Slowly her eyes which had been focused on the teacup in front her, looking into the reflection of the liquid flicker between images in her life. She must be a small child then when her brother is smiling at her and holding out his arms for Carla to run into.

_"...come little sister. I love you..."_

The dancing... she see herself dancing again doing her pirouettes with such a force of power, Carla can feel nothing but strength; strength to do anything in the world.

She sees Antony next, he looks so young and his eyes are so warm and friendly. He is locked in time almost with those handsome features holding his hand...

_"Welcome to your new home, **our** new home."_

_"It's lovely."_

_"Of course it is Carla. It's Paradise..."_

Giulia is next, a new born and Carla is looking down into her innocent little eyes.

_"I think we'll call her Giulia. What do you think?" Antony whispers._

_"I like it," Carla whispers weak and exhausted but all the same very happy._

_"Giulia it is then... Giulia la bella, because she is so beautiful already..."_

More images from her life just flooding in. Her time in New York painting for five years. How Peter had helped her and Giulia find a place to live. His eyes smiling down on her the moment Cillian had been born and her precious Cillian; he had always been so innocent and full of smiles. She had held him for the first time and knew she wanted to give him the world. In that moment it had all become clear to her that it wasn't just about her anymore. The reason why she had left Antony was for the best because even if she didn't believe she was worthy of a second chance he was. He deserved to have a chance and that's why New York had been so good to her. The environment simply wouldn't foster the weakness and isolation she had become so accustomed to. It allowed her to see the beauty in things, to paint that which inspired her. She came across different walks of life she would have never encountered before and allowed her to see a bunch of different viewpoints; the possibilites of a different world. She wanted different things at different stages in her life. Carla had wanted to be happy with Antony at one point and then she wanted to be free of him. In New York she had her freedom, but she wanted to be free with Liam. In Cairo she was free with Liam and so she wanted to savour the moment, fearing that at any moment it could all be yanked from under her feet. But what did she want now?

"What do you really want Carla?"...

…She_ looks out the window in the hotel suite lost in the glum but strangely beautiful __tranquillity of the November air. Carla hadn't even heard Liam enter the room again after going to check on Cillian. But she is not caught off guard as he slowly wraps his arms around her waist causing the baby to give a strong and generous kick. Slowly he lowers his head resting his chin on her shoulder. _

_"I'm sorry Carla," Liam murmurs in her ear, "And I know you don't believe it now but it's all for the best, so that we can actually have a chance. Forgive me?"_

_It is painful to hear but somehow she knows that he right. They will only have a chance if she finally shows she is willing to make these certain wrongs right. He acknowledges the effect this will have on her, that they will break her heart and that's why he needs her forgiveness. It was remarkable how after all the times she impulsively hurt him and didn't give a single thought as to how she might destroy him by trying to protect him that he was the one who found away to do so in reverse. He was showing her that this was who he was, take it or leave it, find away to hold it against him or simply just forgive. He done so for her many times before; forgiving her things that Antony, her father and everyone else in her life would simply hold against her. Liam's forgiveness made up for all the pain and now it was Carla turn. What he really wanted was proof in demonstration that she could do the same._

_She turns her head slightly and without a word kisses him. In that moment everything is about forgiveness and Carla gave it to him and what she felt was a calming peace. What she wanted was peace and for every moment to be about this forgiveness, because in forgiveness she could finally accept herself._

_"I forgive you Liam. I forgive you."_

All she ever really wanted was that sort of forgiveness. A forgiveness that no one ever seemed able to give, not her father, her aunt, not anyone up until Liam.

Carla's comes out of her thoughts and her eyes slowly move from the tea cup across the length of the table stopping only when they've met Peters, "I want you understand that I will always love and care for you Peter. I will always appreciate everything you have done for Cillian and I. You are a wonderful friend to Simon and the greatest friend I will ever know-"

"-Then why are you doing this?" Peter's voice cracks

"Because I love Liam and when you truly love someone you can't be selfish with them. I've been selfish with him so many times. Keeping secrets and destroying things that I love. I have to make the choice to not do that anymore, because I want to be something different. You say Liam is the one who wants to change me but you're wrong. He's the only one who understands that I don't want to stay the same, that I don't want to embrace all the horrible things I can be for the sake of staying true to some idea of myself. It's something my father and Antony never got, they thought I wanted to be like this, like it was something to be expected. And it seems you want me to stay as I am because you think others try to force me to change. But I want to change and this is a choice I finally realize I have to make for myself."

"You speak utter crap. You spin things however you want just to convince yourself it's actually logical. I'll have you know that it is not!"

"Maybe it is utter crap. Maybe you're right about everything but at the end of the day i'm the one who has to live with my choice. My choice is Liam and it's always going to be Liam," Carla quickly gets up turning away from Peter before she can change her mind and cave in.

"Carla," Peter says and she stops in her tracks still not looking at him, "You can walk away but once you do, don't expect to come back. I won't welcome you back, not like that Palace did, not Liam. Once you've made the choice you'll have to live with the consequences and you'll have to live without my forgiveness too. But one day you'll realize that all we ever seem to do as human beings is let each other down. You really let me down today and one day Liam will do the same to you."

"You're wrong about Liam," Carla says her voice is shaking because the pain is settling in, finally starting to take root. "You've never been so completely wrong about a person in your whole life."

With that Carla walks away.


	103. Chapter 103

**A/N: I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes in this chapter. I've edited it a few times but I always seem to miss mistakes. Anyways It has been a while since I updated (a month!) but I decided to take a whack at it today and this is what i've come up with so hopefully you all enjoy :) Thank you to all the people that read and continue to read this story after so many chapters. I truly appreciate you all.**

* * *

Carla made a list and separating it into two parts she tried to make sense of all the things just happening in her world right now. The truth was that Carla was burning up bit-by-bit inside. She knew the truth; that often she thought in such distorted and reckless ways about so many things and at times this could lead her to question her own sanity. But she was not wrong in anyway in her thinking when it came to the nature of the infamous Doctor Foster and her husband. And she was definitely right about the true nature of this place. Like Antony's mother she knew the tricks these men played. How they liked to use people like chess pieces in a game of wills. But unlike Antony's mother she managed to survive by some miracle long enough to finally realize that she had master the rules of the game better than they could. The source of all this family heartache had to go up in flames and because Carla couldn't help herself she wanted to search for all the reasons why. Why did people keep making the same mistakes over and over again? And why did we humans let ourselves think we had all the answers out, like they lay in plain sight and we didn't have to search them? Carla was trying to realist, not expecting the answers just to come to her magically. She'd have to work extra hard to find every stone and leave none uncovered. Her list she hoped in writing her thoughts down would help her come to a better understanding of the things she should be searching for. She stared at what she had so far:

_**The Things I know for Certain:**_

_-Antony is plotting with Frank Foster against Alasdair _

_-Frank Foster is plotting with Alasdair against Antony_

_-Somehow the Deans got sucked into this power struggle_

_- So Alasdair is now trying to marry Giulia off to Trevor Dean_

_- And Antony is trying to prevent this by using Julian Dean as a secret weapon_

_-Julian Dean seems to have a secret weapon of his own in a third brother named Alexander_

_-The mere mention of Alexander causes Alasdair and Conrad to start convulsing in fear and foam in the mouth_

_-This in turn causes Antony to squeal in delight along with his 'Hench woman' Tina_

_-Tina let Antony push her down the stairs murdering their baby_

_-Tina is just around doing nothing although she seems to have a close bond with Giulia never letting the girl out of sight_

_-This is all most likely encouraged by Antony in order to irk Alasdair and to prevent my daughter from ever reconciling with me_

_-Antony knows that whomever controls the young girl most controls everything_

_-He does not wish for Alasdair to make Giulia his heir hence all the plotting_

_-But since it is likely that Giulia will inherit from her grandfather he wants Trevor Dean out of the way…__**he knows that whomever controls Giulia most controls Paradise Palace.**_

Carla looked up from her list of certainties. Before Carla was positive that is was only the house he wanted to control because with it came the money and the prestige unchallenged for the rest of his natural born life. But she realizes now with all the scheming and violence it was much than the Palace, it was an idea to uphold, an image to protect or perhaps unravel in the same hand. With his knowing looks and the way he smirked always acting like he knew a special little secret; Carla was certain he wanted absolute control of this secret. That to have knowledge was to have power and power was to gain knowledge. Power, power, power, it was always about power. Whatever this secret was it is the driving force behind his sabotaging of Alasdair's plans. How did he plan to do this though, destroy his father forever and for everything?

Looking at her list as she had scribbled it out, everything seemed to settle on the Deans. They just seemed like a random family caught in the this dramatic play of sorts. What was so important about this family? Antony didn't seem to have much issue with Julian as he was likely a puppet and therefore easy to control. It was obvious to everyone with a brain that Giulia seemed quite taken with him, possibly even infatuated in her feelings. Antony was playing with their daughter's heart perhaps hoping for a marriage between Julian and Giulia instead. Perhaps he knew that Trevor would stand up to him and was a much less attractive candidate for manipulation with his father Conrad's full support, something Julian was clearly lacking.

But still Carla wondered about the importance of the Dean's as both Gordon men, father and son seemed to hold them in such a high importance; Antony for unraveling his fathers plans and Alasdair for keeping these plans together. It seemed so odd to Carla that they sort of just showed up out of nowhere. The way Trevor and Giulia had announced their engagement came out of thin air. And the way she, Carla had met Trevor Dean Cairo that night, the same night she just so happened to encounter her father in law and the infamous doctor in the hotel suite. He was in that same hotel, what were the chances? Carla felt stupid for never thinking it until now, but she seriously considered Trevor's Dean's motives in marry Giulia and the nature of his true character in this all. The Dean's were on the top of the list for things she was uncertain of:

_**Things I am Uncertain of:**_

_-What was Trevor Dean doing in Cairo?_

_-What is the nature of the secret Julian is keeping?_

_-Tina must serve a greater purpose in all this, what is it?_

_-What exactly is Frank's motivation in all of this? What does he have to gain?_

_-Why did Alasdair invite my family back to stay a Paradise Palace?_

_-What is the nature of the secret…the real secret of Paradise Palace and how does controlling Giulia ensure it never gets out? And why are they so certain that controlling her is the only way to protect or unravel it? Why is Giulia the key?_

Her head was beginning to hurt just thinking about all of this. She was getting exhausted and since the baby was being more disrupting than usual this early morning kicking at her insides so forcefully she thought she might hurl over and die. Maybe it was the child's way of telling her to wrap things up and go to bed. Looking at things with a fresh new pair of eyes in the morning was sure to give her mind better insight in what next step should be in trying to find answers. She was certain that she just had to keep on digging deeper and deeper and eventually she'd hit the truth buried under piles and piles of lies for so long they are only etching to see the light. But she had to be patient and again Carla had to put the health of hers and Liam's baby first and foremost. The only way she could look out for Giulia is if she took care of her own health first and remained as strong as possible. Looking at the clock it was just after one o'clock in the morning. The house had gone to bed quite a few hours ago so the evening's snooping around through Gordon Family archives had been productive. It was now time to try for an attempt at decent sleep. Carla prayed her mind would be kind to at this time and not force her to toss and turn with guilt over what happened in her friendship with Peter.

Making sure to always put everything back where she found it, Carla quickly crept across the floor to the door opening and closing with great care before proceeding down the hallway. She was occupying her mind with the possibility of even her list to Liam when she had time. Hopefully he would see it as honesty about the activities she was doing and not get too mad that he may casually want to help her out inside to telling her to stay out of everything. Her thoughts come to a halt though as hears voices, voices trying to talk in hushed and contained manners but failing miserably. Quickly she skirted from view to avoid detection, pressing her body against the wall of the hallway leading out into front lobby near the main staircase. Carla kept her breathing calm as ever trying to grasp onto every word the voices were saying.

"And what time do you call this Giulia? Answer me young lady, what were you doing outside at time like this?"

Carla snuck a glance surprised to see a total individuals standing in the lobby with lit lamps peering at each other. Alasdair accompanied by Conrad Dean took the positions of the authority peering over those they judged with suspicious eyes. Carla saw her daughter's face pale and hallow illuminated by the lamp a servant standing next to her and grasping her harm was holding. Giulia was shivering uncontrollably like a cold breeze was coursing through her even the warmth of the now well-heated palace. Wrapping the blanket she was adorned even tighter around her body, still shivering as droplets of water ran from her raven colored hair. Giulia said nothing remaining numb and mute in an uncomfortable long period of silence wherein she made up her mind not to respond to anyone. Carla was worried, what had happened to her baby? Why was she in such a state?

"Giulia Cecilia Gordon," says Alasdair sternly, "Answer me at once or you shall regrettably receive the back of my hand for such insolence."

This was another surprise for Carla. Alasdair was usually so loving and caring towards his granddaughter that it was quite upsetting to here him speak in such a way. If anyone was immune from it coldness in the past it was Giulia. Obviously something drastic had happened to bring up such change.

"She's done nothing wrong," says Julian who Carla now recognizes after only focusing on her daughter pain and the changed dynamics between Alasdair is standing next to Giulia, "Isn't that right Giulia?"

"Do not answer for her. You're not permitted to speak," says Alasdair narrowing his brown eyes in a fashion similar to Antony's he continues to stare his granddaughter, "_**She **_shall answer for her conduct. _**She**_ shall explain how she was wandering about this estate after midnight barefoot in only a nightgown."

"Perhaps she ought to go straight to bed," says Conrad giving more of sympathetic approach," Perhaps after she has slept she'll be able to grasp a better understanding of her conduct in the morning. We will not say a word to Trevor about this—"

''There is nothing to say," Giulia finally croaks out bringing her eyes to level of Alasdair's own and daring to stare at him just as venomously, "There's nothing to say because I've done nothing wrong."

"Milton," Alasdair extends his stare in acknowledgement to the direction of the servant holding the lamplight and still clutching at Giulia's arm holding onto it for dear life, "Would you be so kind to as to repeat what you told me you saw as soon as you came back here with these two?"

"I went on a walk—" Giulia blurts out in frustration but Julian gives her look telling her to keep quite. Carla notices the gentleness so apparent like Trevor's, so understanding of a situation Carla had no grasp of whatsoever.

"Sir," says Milton ignoring Giulia's attempt at interjection, "I went on the grounds at your request Mr. Gordon after the one of the maids doing her turn at an hourly checkup notice Miss Gordon missing from her bed. After searching everywhere inside I decided to put my winter wear and get my lamp on your request to search the grounds. At first it was only a single set of foot prints through the snow I certain from the imprints they left that the person in question was barefoot. Tracking them as I was intent on not returning without answers I soon discovered a second pair of prints join them. Hoping and praying to Christ that nothing sinister happened to the poor lady Giulia I frantically went up to speed as best I could—"

"—This is the good part," Alasdair turns smirking to Conrad as though he hadn't already heard the story himself, "Go on Milton, what did you see?"

"These two!" the servant points his fingers dramatically at Julian and Giulia, "These two frolicking about in the snow in the most inappropriate of manners, Sir!"

Alasdair's humorous look was quickly replaced by a scathing and dangerous look as his eyes roamed over Julian with nothing but contempt, "What made you think you could touch my granddaughter, hmm? What made you think you could put your filthy little hands on Trevor's fiancée?"

"I didn't do anything inappropriate," says Julian standing up to Alasdair and asserting his voice, " I hadn't been able to sleep myself for the few days. I was standing near the window just looking out onto the grounds. I saw a figure billowing past, like a bolt of light, a girl in a nightgown. I knew it was Giulia and so I quickly grabbed for some clothing putting my overcoat. I was worried and searched for her everywhere, calling out her name as I went across the grounds—"

"—He saw me running," Giulia picks up the story, "The truth is I don't know how I got there. All I remember is that I was sitting in the snow, afraid and cold…very upset. He put his coat around me. I hurt my ankle he tried see after it, to pick me up. There was no frolicking grandfather."

"That was the way of it Julian?" says Conrad, "You have had a propensity in the past to lie. I don't want this to be a case of you coaching poor Giulia on what to say."

" I'd say you'd know a lot more about lying father," snaps Julian, "You're very good at it when it comes to Alexander—"

"BE QUITE!" snaps Conrad his temper beyond anything Carla had ever witnessed. But again it only came at the mention the missing brother Alexander, "You mention his name again and you will be sorry for it."

"Be quite Conrad. Leave it for another time. I'm just glad Julian here didn't let Giulia give him the wrong idea; hers is not future of question as she will be marrying your brother Trevor regardless of that my son Antony has put in your head. Now I've had enough of this for at such an hour. Milton go and wake the maid up and tell her Giulia needs a bath."

"I'm fine," Giulia says curtly, "And don't talk to him like that. He's my friend."

"Oh she looks a fright," Alasdair glances at Conrad again, "And thoughts are frightful too. She thinks your boys a friend of hers. Let me tell you something Giulia, this boy is nothing but an enemy of both our families. He's presence is only permitted out human decency and honor as well class. You'll find soon enough that he lacks all three."

"He's the only human around here," Giulia stands her ground, "he's the only one who cares to give any consideration to my feelings."

" Don't be silly. I care your feelings and for your thoughts. I wish you would only tell me more and stop acting out like this. I never had to worry about you before. Don't be like your father, always shutting me out never giving a clue as to your real feelings."

"Like you care."

"Of course we care Giulia," says Conrad, "We only want the best—"

"So you want a clue as to my real feelings?" Giulia whispers. It isn't a gentle whisper full of any warmth or adoration for the men in front of her. The area silent as she starts to back away a bit from the servant and Julian stopping near a stand holding a vase of flowers.

"Giulia?" says Alasdair, "You can speak to me. Say whatever you need to say and this whole incident can be forgotten."

"Do you know why they call animals, animals grandfather?"

"What?" Alasdair says, "Giulia perhaps you ought to go to bed now. Perhaps we ought to do as Conrad said and leave it till morning."

"Answer my question please, grandfather."

"I don't Giulia. But a bath and bed would do you good. Make you better—"

'They call them animals because they are animated, they can move…go places. And you know why they call plants, plants?" her fingers now trail the vase delicately glaring him. The look is scary even to Carla like Giulia is possessed by something. Everyone seems to sense something is wrong as her voice takes on a completely different form and she utters," Answer Alasdair."

"Giulia?" now Julian is worried, "Giulia are you alright?"

But Giulia only laughs at his concern still glaring at her grandfather. Her voice is taunting as it takes on another life, "Alasdair—"

"Giulia do not call me that—"

"Who said anything about Giulia?"

"What?"

"They call plants as such because they are planted and they can't move. Sometimes you make me feel like a plant—"

"This isn't funny anymore Giulia. Stop this bahavior at once!" says Conrad, "Alasdair what is wrong with her?"

"I don't know," Alasdair says looking at his granddaughter with pale white face. He looks ready to vomit and his eyes Carla can tell he is lying. Because this whole thing sounds strangely familiar to her, like she had read it somewhere or experienced it herself. It is at this time she decides to come out from the shadows and be there for Giulia help her to calm down from whatever craziness was happening.

"You make me feel a plant. I can't go anywhere. I can't be anywhere I want to be and you wonder why I have walk around at night—"

"GIULIA!"

"I told you I'm not Giulia, Alasdair! Don't you recognize me yet!" she picks the vase then, "I wish you didn't exist! I can't escape you; I have to smash through you! That's what bothers me, I can't destroy you!"

**CRASH**

The vase went colliding to the ground and Carla couldn't take it anymore she didn't care if they knew she had been listening all along. Whatever freakiness had been happening to her now seemed to be taking over Giulia. She had to protect her baby.

"Who told you to say that Giulia?" Alasdair whispers his face is completely pale, "Why would you say that?"

Giulia brought her one hand to her temple squeezing her eyes shut before opening them again and shaking. She looked only confused glancing around the scene at all of them completely confused by the broken glass, "What's happened? What just happened?"

Carla decided it was time to come out of her hiding spot. She had her suspicions and they were anything but good. As she crossed over onto the main floor everything was silent and Giulia began to cry and cry, while Alasdair stared her like she was some demon like he truly know who she was or what to think of her. As Carla wrapped her arms around her sobbing daughter, she felt Giulia's defenses break down the poor girl probably thought no one understood what she was going through, but Carla understood it all too perfectly well and she had sinking suspicion that Alasdair did too. he stared and stared for a long while before shaking his head in a resigned 'no' refusing to accept the scene infront of him before turning on his heel in the direction of the den. Conrad tried to follow him but he held out his hand with a forbearing no, closing himself inside to be alone.

Soon Carla heard voices from above, Vivian Dean hearing the crashing vase was the only one who had bothered rising to see what was going on.

* * *

It was some hours later when Carla finally got her baby Giulia to sleep that she made her way downstairs. It must of been near 4 o' clock in the morning by then after she put Giulia in the bath and cleaned her up. It broke her heart more then anything to see her Giulia so shut down and Carla wished that she could make it all go away, that she could make Giulia forget. But now there was no doubt in Carla's mind as to what had happened to Giulia with that vase...

Carla didn't even bother knock, she saw the silhouette of Alasdair sitting the window in complete darkness and the sound of him sipping, no doubt he had helped himself to a handful of brandy after what he had just witnessed.

"You know, don't you?" was the first signal he gave of recognizing Carla had even come into the room.

"What is it that you think I know?" Carla props herself down into the chair next to his. He had aged drastically in the past few hours. His hair was so incredibly grey in the darkness.

"Giulia is melancholic, manic, possibly even catatonic; god I hope and pray she doesn't reach a catatonic state. Your body shuts down then and your unable to even physically move. Your joints go rigid and your basic motor skills often disappear. It's like carting around dead weight."

"Like Antony's mother?" Carla whispers, "That's what happened to her? She reached catatonic levels?"

"_**That was**_ Antony's mother with the vase not Giulia," Alasdair now turns his head to stare Carla directly in the eyes reading her like a book. His eyes are blood shot from crying, "But you already knew that, didn't you?"

"As soon as I heard Julian's story of looking out the window to see her barefoot in the snow I had an idea that it could be strange. And when Giulia said she couldn't remember how she got there...well strange things have happened to here recently also, but nothing to that extreme. I've only had strange dreams and odd visions, but they always seem so real. What happened to Giulia; I don't know what to think of that."

"Why not think like everyone else does? Refuse to see the reality when it's staring you right in the face Carla," he gave a self depreciating laugh then taking another generous sip brandy, "Do you know how incredibly hard it is to go through life hoping you'll get it right just this once? You spend so much time reading old letters over and over again and everyone wants to know why your wasting time. You say it's for the memories but really it's just for your own selfish reasons. You don't want to admit that it's all about you. You can't seem to let go of the past and you just wonder why we keep on making those same mistakes over and over."

"But you said it yourself once, didn't you? We all have a choice, we could always say no-"

"I did say no, Carla and that's the problem. I said no to Antony too many times to count anymore, always when he needed me the most. What he is that is my own doing and what he has done is my own doing as well. He's so much like me, too much like me in temperament and thought and I resent him but for the reason as old as time itself; because a man hates to see his own image reflected back at him revealing all the things he does not wish to see. I always wondered how you could love Giulia so much without feeling that sort hostility towards your own double. But then I realized that though she is like you in image you did not expect her to fill your shoes like fathers so often require of sons. And she is so different in her personality, she got none of your gentleness or understanding. She has all the bad present in me, all the bad in Antony too and now she has Antoinette's horribleness taking root."

"She can be however she wants to be," Carla was surprisingly optimistic becoming the voice of reason in his dark world because she sensed Alasdair so desperately needed know that although he did wrong things in life he loved too. She truly believed that in his heart he loved Antony maybe he just didn't get it right and Carla could relate because she felt so many times that just couldn't get things right with Giulia ," She'll grow to an age where she realizes that you can hurt so much, feel a lot pain but also feel hope and realize you do have the chance of love and happiness," Carla doesn't why she is reaching for his hand but she does and she gives it comforting squeeze. This was the defining moment where she finally make her point, "But she can't have that if she stays here Alasdair, this place will eat her alive like it has all the others. Then you'll end up reading her letters wondering about the same mistakes. I know you want to punish Antony and make sure that he never inherits Paradise Palace, but don't you see from tonight the effects it has on women in this family? What if Julian hadn't found her? What if Giulia froze to death in the snow? I think it's time to stop pretending to not know what this place really is."

"I think it's opposite with my family. We pretend all too well that we know exactly what this place is. It 's her home. It was my home too," his voice cracks briefly.

"Yes, a home with the ghost of Antoinette and whoever else making everyone crazy, making Giulia smash things this time around but who knows what next. Oh and it's the place where her father attacked servants and tried to drown me in the bathtub...such wonderful memories right? Giulia needs to live in the real world now Alasdair. If she marries Trevor Dean, if she marries anyone at all she deserves a clean break. And if you love her and truly would move heaven and earth to guarantee her happiness, you owe this act of kindness to her and for Giulia to never have the option of coming back."

"So," Alasdair's says almost smiling, "You trust me to take her away? You don't think the Belgian Congo will be too harrowing an experience."

"No jungles and we'll be fine," Carla grins surprised at how this conversation so well. That he was actually, finally getting it right and he wasn't saying 'no' either, "If she goes I don't want her near any those rubber plantations or diamond mines unless she is willing something to help the situation of people under such conditions. I'd rather Giulia spend her youth entertaining some Belgian and French diplomats from time to time. I'm sure she will be excellent, a natural even at such functions. Plus it's the life of a lady and I don't think Giulia would settle for any less."

"Hmmm-"

"Do we have a deal?" Carla asserts herself raising her eyebrows and letting the man know this was not up for discussion.

"We have a deal. Shall I shake your hand on it?"

"Yes," and when Carla gripped his hand she had unwavering certainty that she could trust him, she felt it. Alasdair would take Giulia away from here and ensure she never came back.

Then reaching into his pocket he pulled out an old and tattered letter handing it to Carla. She opened it and read:

_Dear Alasdair,_

_I had just had a thought about you today. The doctor says I have to get over my anger about what happened in the Congo between us. He says that I have to take the steps to realize why I was sad and that in order to move on I must understand why I felt the way did and why no longer need to feel it._

_So I told him like I'm telling now in the best way that I can, why it is I don't to feel so poorly towards you. Remember the beautiful roses in the garden that I planted? You said you didn't understand why I hated them so much especially when everyone else said they were so beautiful. The__ truth is I hate them because I hate all plants. I just didn't have the nerve to tell you before but now feel that I must say it. I hate that they can't move, that they must stay rooted in the ground. What a role in life to just be stuck? I hate feeling stuck and I hate things that remind me of such._

_That's why I was so much more happy when you gave me that dog once over any stupid flowers. At least with animals can move around, go places. It helps take my mind off of things and I don't feel so suffocated if I'm taking on a walk. The years I had dog were the best years of my life. I like animals much more than I can babies, this is the honest truth. The dog could places on its own and I just feel Antony that he reminds me of that feeling just planted in his crib. He can't go anywhere unless you take him and I simply can't imagine a life where I should obligated to feel it necessary to have to show him anything. A life where he constantly dependant on me...I don't know I just don't like the thought. I hope things will change though when he actually gets to the point where he can walk a bit. _

_I feel much better telling you that even though i'm sure will misunderstand every word. I do love you Alasdair, I really do. But sometimes you make feel like a plant, just I'm stuck here and can't go anywhere I please. And I know that it isn't all your doing and that hurts you to see me so indifferent to all things most especially Antony. I don't think you should let me hurt so easily. Most of time the things I say and do only to get back at you for that feeling even though part me knows it isn't all your fault. _

"You're the first person I've ever shown that to" Alasdair whispers once Carla finished and looks up, "I keep it with me where ever I go. That's how I knew something wasn't right with Giulia this morning. I don't think i've ever read a more apathetic letter in all my life. It's really something isn't it?"

"Yes it is," Carla whispers back, "It sums up all the reasons Giulia must leave."

They sat in silence for a while until the sunrise started shining in through curtains. And Carla thought of the things she knew for certain. Giulia would be free of this place by the New Year, Antony would inherit the Paradise Palace, Alasdair could finally gain some peace, and Carla wouldn't care for all of Antoinette's secrets but she was still going to burn this place into ground and afterwards she'd be with Liam, Cillian and the baby. The future was hopeful and everything would be okay. How simple it was to ask for the things you wanted. No plotting, no underhanded threats, just simple understanding; trying to find a common ground on which to connect. She wondered, had Antony ever even considered given this a try?


	104. Chapter 104

**A/N: It's been a while since I've updated but I am finally in the mode where I think that I can draw this story to a conclusion by the end of the weekend or at least by the end of next week. As always I want to thank everyone who has been reading this fic since the beginning as well as all the newcomers it has picked up along the way. Enjoy this next instalment :)**

* * *

Liam was going over the floor plans of Paradise Palace with his P.I. Bentley Wise, it was finally the day of the engagement gala and there was no time left to waste. The whole team was gathered for last minute preparations, Tyrone Dobbs was going over how to aim a gun with some of the back up friends he bought and Tommy had already left for Paradise Palace to deliver the ice sculpture commissioned by Alasdair Gordon for the event and hence gaining entry into the place. So far, so good everything seemed to be going smoothly. There was a knock at the door of the guest house where Liam had set up the headquarters for an undertaking of this magnitude. Breaking away all focus from Bentley Wise he rushed to door answering it immediately.

"Hello brother," smiled Michelle greeting him at the other end, "I believe you were expecting us," Behind her stood their cousin Phillipa whom Liam hadn't seen in ages.

"Hey dear cousin," says Phillipa waving," So what exactly is going on here? Michelle practically dragged me from bed just now without explanation—well she did give me an explanation but it's completely absurd and i'm hoping you will clarify everything for me."

"What exactly did she tell you?" Liam says opening the door wider to let his sister and cousin in and then closing the door.

"Something about us killing Tony Gordon…she's obviously joking," Phillipa laughs her blue eyes boring into his cousins expecting him to return the laugh and quickly turning panicked when she realizes he is not, "You can't be serious! Explain yourself now, please."

Liam grinned letting her take in all the activity going on in the room before smirking, "Alright then, we're going to kill Antony Gordon," in his mind there was no other way to explain it. He had asked Michelle to bring Phillipa because he was going to need her help tonight with distracting the right people in order to complete this task. And this task required Antony's isolation.

"Okay? "Phillipa usually the most bubbly and upbeat of persons was now floored, "What opium pipe have you been smoking?"

"No opium pipe I'm afraid Pippa," says Michelle making her way over to the table of maps Bentley Wise managed to snatch, "Tony Gordon has to be stopped."

"Murdering him though? I mean that's a bit extreme, isn't it?"

"He's a danger to Carla," says Liam joining his sister and Bentley at the table once again, "I won't let him keep hurting her anymore. She needs peace."

"I know you love the woman Liam. I get that and everything but this is crazy—"

"—Tony Gordon is trying to defraud our family name out of our old fortune," says Michelle, "If it were up to him he'd steal all of father's money and Paul's and Liam's money right out from under our family feet. We have to be united. Auntie would be affected by this too!"

"But what if the wrong people end up getting hurt?" says Phillipa glancing around at all the guns, maps, and different faces she did not recognize, "What if your father and my father get wind of this?"

"They wont because you blab a word to them," says Liam exasperated. He was surprised that Phillipa was taking this so seriously. After all Tony had done to him personally he felt his cousin should at least be on his side no questions asked, "Besides it not just about us anymore," he picks up the document Carla had managed to get from Frank Foster a few months ago and hands it to his cousin. He allowed for her blue eyes to scan the document taking its contents in, "He's up to his old dirty tricks! Trying to make our father make him and executor on the family will. I'm sure your besties, Elena and Romola Dorscher have told you a bit of what he tried to pull with their father."

"How do you know about that?" Phillipa says stunned, "No one knows about that accept a few close friends within the Dorscher circle. And even if it's all true that Antony Gordon tried to swindle Mr. Dorscher it is still up to the law to deal with it."

"The problem is darling that men like Antony Gordon know how to evade the law," says Bentley Wise finally piping up, "Now if it takes this much to convince you of what should be automatic loyalty to your family and friends, then perhaps you're not the best girl for the job after all."

Liam exchanged brief contact with the P.I. before observing his cousin. She was not one to have her loyalty questioned and would jump at any chance to prove others wrong.

"Just what sort of 'job' are we talking about?" Phillipa breaks finally under the gaze of Liam and the P.I., "Only I don't want to be waving about any weapons. You know how much I hate hunting Liam, I can't be asked to hold any guns."

"Oh don't worry," Liam again smirks unable to hold back his laughter out easy she was to convince, "I just need to know that underneath all that exterior still exists the finest little gossip all of England has ever seen?"

"I suppose I can still tell a good but utterly pointless story when required," Phillipa flutters her eyelashes giving her best 'innocent' look, "I have the mouth that can send a thousand men dying to run the other way but a beautiful face which keeps them grounded."

"Cruelty at it's finest," says Michelle the dimples in her cheekbones evident whilst she keeps her head down focused on the maps, "What's a man to do in such a situation?"

"Hand me the guest list Michelle," Liam waits patiently as his sister whips the guest list for the engagement gala out of nowhere and handing it him immediately, "Lets see what you can make of this. Seems like all of society will be in attendance tonight. I need an expert opinion on who needs to be kept away while us men here are doing our work. The key is getting Tony alone and keeping him isolated."

"Give it here. I need a good look," Phillipa commands holding out her hand with an air of authority and treating the task at hand like serious business, "Hmmm—well the Astor's are coming, surprise, surprise. Your mother is going to have a fit fawning over them."

"I don't care about them," Liam says.

"Everybody knows that Nancy and Waldorf are insufferable snobs. They only get invites since he's a viscount and richer than most can ever dream of. But they are very boring and mostly keep to themselves, no need for distraction since they live in their own exclusive world and don't notice a thing happening around them."

"That description practically describes every individual on the invitation list," says Phillipa rolling her eyes at Michelle, "What about the Sutherland's? I know Maria is very noisy and dramatic but her mother is worse and her father he is indescribable in the antics he pulls. Kirk however isn't so bad."

"Add the mother and father and Maria if you can handle it to your list of people to keep entertained. Who else?"

"The Bourdieu's, they're noisy too and still the one daughter thinks you're cute so she may try and follow you around all evening. Nobody likes clingers. What about Wellington, does he know about all of this?'

"Of course he knows," says Michelle still gingerly going about her business while listening to the banter going on, "He's strictly against killing though. Pippa, you may have to lure him into your 'room of doom'.

"Margaret too, and both sets of parents for good measure."

"What story could I possibly tell to entertain all the different age groups? I'm talented, but not that talented!"

"You'll find something," Liam and Michelle exchanged laughs, "Maybe fake an injury."

"Oh Tisley, MacDonald, Battersby…all simpletons I'll be able to take them down easy peasy! I do however know very little about the Dean's. But I can observe them for a few moments before making any rash decisions."

"That's good to know," says Liam, "I take it you know of the evenings program?"

"Practically memorized it," says Phillipa still going through the guest list making mental observations of each of the guests, "Reception, drinks, dancing, dinner, more dancing—when exactly do you want me to start working my magic?"

"I think drinks works best," Liam suggests, "Start taking the guests out when they're at their weakest."

"Shan't be too difficult, although I don't think Alasdair Gordon will be happy to learn that I'm a more engaging host than he is."

"Who cares," says Liam content that Phillipa was a full team player now, "Now I'm going to let my friend here, Bentley Wise take you through the rest of the details of the plan. Is that okay Mr. Wise?"

"Yes," Bentley says motioning Phillipa to follow him, "Although I don't think I ever really had a choice…come with me." They set off to a corner and began to talk out the plan.

"She had me worried for a second," says Liam watching Bentley and Phillipa for a time before turning his attention back to Michelle.

"Me and all," remarks Michelle, "But I know she can always be depended upon when we need her most. Plus she needs to feel like she's included in things. Still I do feel a bit bad that her and Thomas are in on it yet we've left Paul in the dark."

"He'd chicken out, get cold feet most likely. Plus no matter how much our relationship has improved Paul still has the blinds on when it comes to Antony Gordon."

"Right, it's like he wouldn't realize it's all in fair game. I know he gave his word once that'd he always protect you because you'd protect Carla and Cillian and Cillian is family; but still the risk is too great."

Liam began to make his way over to where Tyrone was with a few of his friends, extra muscle from Alexander Dorscher's factory. They were looking at a ton of guns and had bought various things of which to start a fire because Liam was still intent on burning Antony's remains away in Palace. There were also various jars sprawled out on the table, filled with strange powders. He glanced at them curiously as one of Tyrone's friends picked up opening it and holding it out for the man to sniff.

"What is this one?" says Tyrone taking a sniff from the jar and scrunching up his nose in surprise.

"The_ belladonna_," says one man in conversation with all the men gathered around, "My uncle a friend of Mr. Wises acquired a huge sample of it in Cairo a few years back. It's one of the most deadly of poisons in Northern Africa."

"What?" says Liam interrupting this was the first he was hearing about poison. He made it clear many times before he wanted to aim for the kill shot with his enemy.

Bentley Wise answered from behind having just finished on getting Phillipa up to speed and now joining everyone else, "_Atropa belladonna_ is it's full name and yes it is very fatal. However it is not fast and happens to be very painful. I think it would be a perfect match for Mr. Gordon, give him ample time to come terms with all the suffering he has caused others."

"Since when are we doing poisoning?" Liam is furious that no one told him about this major change in events. This was his plan after all and he liked to know of any changes in the development. It annoyed him a great deal that the Private Investigator had gone behind his back and cooked up a new scheme.

"I only told my good friend here to bring some just so we could keep our options opened—"

"We already have a plan though!" snaps Liam completely irritated because we nervous about way lay ahead and because Bentley Wise was incompetent to work with, "Our plan is to get Phillipa to entertain most of the gossips and those likely to intervene away from the gunshot Tyrone is going to fire. Michelle is going to scream bloody murder and the whole place will evacuate whilst Antony and Aidan are upstairs having been led to a room on the pretense that that Carla wishes to speak with them. From there we are going to shoot them in the head and call it day burning the place to the ground!"

"Oh come on Liam!" snaps Bentley Wise trying to keep himself from laughing, "Even you must know that it takes more than a silly little letter to get Antony Gordon on his own. He's much smarter than that! You'd don't think he recognizes his own wife's writing if not down to a tee? You think he wouldn't question Carla Gordon all of the sudden wanting to talk with him 'alone' of all things after years of utter detestation on both their parts?! You don't give the man enough credit, he is smarter than all of us combined."

"No he is not! He only thinks he's smarter, that he's a little mastermind with all his plans just waiting for us to uncover them. Antony Gordon is no genius at all."

"Then the joke really is on you Mr. Connor," Bentley Wise is at the end of his rope, "When are you going to realize that there is no master plan to uncover? That's the trick within itself! I bet on all the tea in China there is no and never was any master plan and that it was Antony intention all along to make you think he was up something very drastic."

"He already is plotting a bunch of little good for nothing schemes," glares Michelle, "He's trying to steal our father's money and Alexander Dorschers as well. You're the one who lead us to Tyrone and Tommy! You're the one who told Liam about Tina's connection!"

"Yes!" shouts Bentley, "Yes I did! But don't you see those things within themselves; anyone of us could plan if we really wanted to. They aren't so masterful; they rely solely on human relationships, interactions, and predictable ways of thinking. Antony Gordon is a genius and his plans are good but not in the way you all have been framing them. He's a bunch of illusions, tricks! The whole time I've been under your employment you've been going on and on about figuring out what grand plan Antony Gordon was up, it seems your lady love Carla is obsessed with this whole idea as well. He only played into your hands Liam, what **you** expected of him. Don't you think it's time you stop playing into his!"

Liam stopped in his fury to consider what Bentley Wise was saying. He had never thought about it that way before, that what they were doing was playing into his hands because Liam was actively trying to play out of them. That was whole reason behind his and Carla's staged fights, acting like they weren't together because they wanted to make Antony Gordon feel like he was getting exactly as he wished for and then it would be easier to take him by surprise. But what Bentley was now saying was that he had a feeling Antony expected this from them all along. He somehow knew that they try to do differently and devised a plan that feed off solely into how Liam and Carla viewed him, as undefeatable unless tricked. He made them believe that he was planning something huge and gave the illusion of such when in fact he may not have been planning anything really big at all.

"Are you saying that there is no secret that we need uncovering about that palace?" whispers Michelle she too seemed to be catching on, "That there never was a secret to find? That is no great masterful plan he's up to?"

"I have feeling that you have all been duped," says Bentley, "Sure there are secrets and they are probably hanging out in open sight, but I don't believe any of them have been created by Antony nor do I believe he cares to protect any of them. In fact it would probably give him great pleasure for you all to air his family's dirty laundry. Doesn't he have some insane death wish against his father."

"One born every minute," muttered Phillipa under her breath.

Liam glared at his cousin thinking that if she had nothing of value to say she should not say anything at all "Why do you think this?" a frustrated Liam spits out feeling like all his months of planning have been for nothing and also that Carla has put herself and the baby in harms way when it was unnecessary.

"Only because it was so easy for me to get into that Palace and steal the floor plans right from under his nose. Too easy if you ask me, if a man like him has so many secrets and little plots you'd think he'd hide things better. As a P.I. it was my easiest steal in a long time. So it finally dawned on me, life is but a play for Antony Gordon, and the only advantage he really has is that he can always depend on others to follow the script. He's expecting something drastic from you tonight Liam—"

"—You don't know that," says Michelle again coming to a virtually stunned Liam's defense, "You're no expert on the hell he has put my brother and Carla through."

"All I'm saying is that if this were a play and everyone were to have a part, Liam would be the hero. He's expecting you to come all out in full force to prove yourself to Carla and save her from him in the most heroic way possible. He know's it's your nature and you can't help yourself. If you went at him with gun it would be predictable because Antony knows you're a hot head when it comes to his wife. You don't think he'd welcome the chance of an open fight, you don't think he doesn't feel you etching for a opportunity to defend Carla and get revenge once and for all?"

"I'll have my revenge. I really don't care if it plays into his plan because all that matters is that he is going to die."

"I didn't say he doesn't have to die," Bentley Wise traps the jar of poison, "I'm am however saying that if you want to win tonight you won't set up any trap or follow through with all the predictable motions. I think everyone just needs to be themselves and when the opportunity arises to take him down we'll know and that will be that."

"Then it was a complete waste of telling me gossip all evening an herd certain people into a room," pouts Phillipa.

"No, you're plan of distraction is still a go. I'm just taking about the letters and maybe the use of a gun. No thrills or dramatic shots. Nope, slow and subtle is the way to get him. It's the way he'd least expect. He is a doctor after all, I'm sure he is well versed in poisons."

"Probably—"

"—Probably is right. So what better way to kill him then a way he would think no one would ever dare try."

"You may be onto something," says Tyrone offering an opinion, "and with my presence tonight as well as Alexander Dorscher's he will be on high alert. He'd expect us to actively play into all of his presumptions once again. But we won't, not tonight on the last night of his life."

"I just need to know that no one is going to back out with the changed circumstances," says Bentley Wise staring Liam straight in the eyes.

"I won't," says Liam annoyed that he would even imply otherwise, "He tried to kill Carla so he is getting everything he deserves."

"Michelle?" says Bentley turning in direction.

"As long as the _belladonna_ doesn't take too long. I don't want people questioning where he's got to."

"That's what I'm here for," pips up Phillipa, "Who knows I might even see my dear friend/ sometimes enemy Tracey Barlow tonight and we can give the crowd one of our infamous spats and make up the spot like normally. That ought to keep the whole party entertained."

"Good to know. And you Tyrone can you and your gang be counted on this evening?"

"For Alexander and the relationship he wants with his daughter Tina I will do whatever it takes and Tommy will too in memory of the child Antony killed."

"As long as we keep Carla out of harms way and Giulia before we do anything—"

"Of course Liam," sighs Bentley Wise rubbing his hands together.

Everyone seemed content again and calmed down once more.

"So about _belladonna_ poison?" says Phillipa asking the P.I., "How does it work?"

"The hallucations it induces are unpleasant. That's why I said maybe to the gun use. We could always shoot him once he goes under…it's tastes sweetly and can be appealing to many. You need about the equivalent of six berries crushed to make an adult male go under—"

"Maybe I should gift him a special basket," Michelle jokes.

"Don't worry I already had Tommy Duckworth sneak some in under his catering guise. I'm going to get him to spike some of Antony Gordon's special brandy. Perhaps you can gift him another brandy less he ignore the first one."

"As long as no one gets hurt."

"Well Antony will, he'll get more than hurt. He'll die tonight, Michelle. Dead as a doornail—"

Liam zoned out. Just trying to come to terms with the change of events. He could handle it all he supposed. It was just sort of annoying that Bentley Wise who had refused to plan things properly for months and months pulled this whole thing out of thin air and decided to implement it as well as fill in Tyrone and Tommy before uttering a single word to him. It was just very sneaky and underhanded. Soon he was pulled from his thoughts with the sound of banning at the door causing all the chatter around him to instantly dry up. Exchanging confused looks with Michelle because they weren't expecting anyone more people at the guest cottage, Liam slowly made his way to door peaking through peep hole and surprised at who he saw.

"Carla?" Liam is shocked answering the door but before he can ask what she even doing here or how she knew where to find him, Liam is cut off. She looked apprehensive as though she hadn't slept at all the previous night.

"It's about Giulia," she says out of breath, "I need to tell you something about Giulia."

Not wanting her to see what was going on inside, always wanting to kept her safe and uncorrupted by his plans, stepped outside joining her on the steps and closing the door gently, "What's wrong? Is everything alright?"


	105. Chapter 105

**A/N: Just trying to speed things up a bit today. Here is the second update and enjoy.**

* * *

With luck somehow Carla had managed to track down a servant at Liam's home and unbeknownst to his parents convince the woman to direct her the area that Liam would be at in the present. It was an emergency and the stress of the situation had been too much for her to handle. It had only been about two days since the scary little incident Carla had witnessed between her daughter and Alasdair, the one where she was certain that Antoinette Gordon or some other spirit was somehow influencing Giulia to behave so strangely.

After another incident early in the morning where Giulia was practically despondent and like dead weight, crying at the thought of even going into a simple bath the servants had drawn for her, Carla was the end of the rope. She felt powerless in anyway to stop what was happening to her baby, and Carla wasn't completely sure she knew the exact nature of this thing, which was tormenting Giulia was. All she knew was that it was much more real than any of the hallucinations and visions Carla had ever experienced in that palace. She needed to breathe, to be near someone who could her sane. Everyday made her more set in her convictions that that Palace had to be destroyed…

"_Giulia," whispers Trevor's mother Vivian trying to hold the girl upright over the tub, "Giulia darling, won't you try and make an effort? It's your engagement gala today."_

_Carla glanced at her daughter helping Vivian by propping the weight on one side of her daughter while the three women leaned over the tub. Giulia was not looking at anyone. It was as though no one else was the room. Her eyes were focused on certain sections, like she could see something no one else could see, "Let's set her down on the side. We need to take off the nightgown," Turning Giulia around and setting her gently on the ledge both Carla and Vivian struggle to lift the garment over the head of a body intent on if not completely unable to cooperate._

"_What is happening to our Giulia?" whispers Vivian, "She's been getting progressively worse these last few days."_

"_I don't know," Carla lied, well it was a half lie and half truth because she knew that the more she'd talk she would likely reveal anything but the truth. She wasn't about to outright say that her daughter was in a maniac state, especially if word were to get back to Trevor. Then the whole wedding would be called off and Giulia wouldn't be getting as far away from this place as necessary. Carla did not want that nor did Alasdair. It was in the best interests of everyone just to keep quite, "Perhaps it's all just nerves."_

_Giulia was naked now that they managed to pull the nightgown and all her undergarments off. Her feet flayed at the garments on the floor and both women now raised her up with all their strength, a team effort turning her around to face the tub yet again. Carla was out of breath and the baby was kicking in distress as she hoisted one of Giulia's arms around her own neck dragged her forward, the girl resisting all the way in going anywhere near the direction of the bath. Giulia simply look physically incapacitated._

"_I don't think we should have the gala with her in this state," whispers Vivian, "I've never seeing anything like it. I don't want to think it , but it's like the devils work! Perhaps I should get Trevor."_

"_He can't see her like this," says Carla, "It's inappropriate as they're not married yet and besides he must be getting ready himself right now."_

"_Then the doctor perhaps, there must be something that Doctor Foster can give her?"_

"_No!" snaps Carla losing her calm for a moment at thought of that predator happening upon her daughter in this state. It would only trigger something in his depraved mind and Giulia would be vulnerable to his advances, "No, we'll deal with her. Us women have to look out for each other in this state. Men don't understand stuff like this, least of all the doctors, husbands or even fathers. They'll just think she's crazy and has a weak mind."_

"_I think you have a point," says Vivian, "It must be stress and nerves. Men are so quickly to dismiss it as melancholy." Carla knew Vivian was only convincing herself this was just stress they both were. Carla could only dream of God being that kind. But she knew the signs, she had lived it once._

_Lost in a trance, at vision so strange in front them it would be better to believe it wasn't happening, the two women had to convince themselves they were actually present in the now; this snapped them out of their momentarily display of emotional distancing. This whole hellish ordeal was actually happening and both had to face it head on for Giulia's sake._

"_Come on darling," Carla whispers in Giulia's ear, taking her black locks in motherly encouragement Giulia daughter was shaking just trying to stand still. Her arms were crossed over her chest area and it was up to Carla to grip her in a manner where she wouldn't fall as Vivian left her spot momentarily to lock the bathroom door and give them much needed privacy, "Come on and try to get into the tub."_

_Giulia squeezed her eyes shut in response and her breathing increased becoming rather shallow as she tumbled about some more. Her knuckles bawled up like she ready to hit someone, Giulia whispered, "I can't."_

"_Of course you can, darling," Carla tries to whisper encouragingly tears were slowly starting to fall as this whole situation was starting to break her heart, "Won't you make a try for it?"_

"_I can't mummy, it hurts and yet it doesn't hurt because I can't feel a thing…I just want to go to back to bed. I'm so tired…"_

"_What can't you feel anything love?" says Vivian joining them again, "Come on, you'll enjoy the bath. It's nice and warm."_

"_Yes Giulia," says Carla joining in, "It's nice and warm. And you'll be all nice and pretty for Trevor when you're done."_

"_Don't you want to be all nice and pretty for Trevor, Giulia?"_

_They had said the wrong thing as almost immediately Giulia started making whining noises full of so much anguish and despair she slumped onto the tile floor in a tantrum, like that of a helpless toddler. There were no words, Carla had no words to describe this she was just speechless. All she wanted to do was cry at the depressive state her daughter was in, wondering how long this had been coming, why was it even a surprise with her own depressive history? Then she thought of Alasdair's words in regards to Antony and how one feels less favor for their own image reflected back. Giulia may be like her father in many ways but she also like Carla in others. In the ways that Carla would never wish upon a child, the melancholy and the maniac behaviour were all parts in Giulia now and they were the parts, which she detested. No one wants their child to be maniac and despondent like she Carla was, like Antony's mother had been._

"_That's enough," Carla says in frustration again Alasdair's voice rings her ear, no one likes to see their own image reflected back at them, "This is nonsense. You have to make an effort and stop saying you can't."_

_Giulia was resting her head on the ledge her black hair strung out on all over. It was a sad sight and Carla couldn't take it._

"_Maybe she should go back to bed," whispers Vivian._

"_Don't be ridiculous," Carla utters surprising even herself with the harshness ringing in her voice. It was hard to see the weakness and wondering if this was how people viewed Carla at that age as well as all her life. She wanted different from Giulia, for Giulia to not be like her, "Up," she says rushing forward and trying to lift Giulia by the shoulder. It was an attempt that failed miserably, "Up," she repeats again in a fit of helpless emotion she loses herself to anger, "UP! UP! GET UP GIULIA!"_

"_Stop it!" shouts Vivian pulling Carla away from Giulia in alarm, "Stop it at once. The girl can't move, can't you see? Berating her won't help, as she is not herself! What is wrong with Caroline? I expected so much better from you!"_

_Carla was mute, the pain was so much, the shame she had felt for letting her frustration get the best of her was taking over. But most of all seeing Giulia on the tile floor like that, like dead weight was too much to bear she could not speak of it. She couldn't speak of the reason why it truly bothered her, why sometimes Giulia in general bothered her. But the image on the floor made her think of when Giulia was eight and walk in on Antony trying to drown Carla in the tub. Only moments before she entered Carla had been sprawled out on the floor like that. It broke it heart to know that she had failed her daughter and then she knew that Antony was right when he said she, Carla was just him in so many ways. Anger had caused her to grab at her daughter, and before that was something she was sure Antony was only capable. Yet he was not the one to do it, Antony never physically harmed his Giulia. Carla was disgusted with the person she was. Now she found herself questioning her exact self worth as a mother. She had let Giulia down once again, Carla always let Giulia down. So Carla did what always did when things got too much handle and ran away, ran away from the bathroom and the fact that she was a bad mother…_

"What's wrong?" says Liam opening the door at the guest cottage, the place the servant told Carla he would be, "Is everything alright?" He slowly stepped outside closing the door behind him gently looking very surprised to see her, "What's wrong with Giulia?" he repeated after Carla uttered out a few words.

"I'm a horrible person," she cries, "And a horrible mother!"

"What?" says Liam his blue eyes roaming over Carla sympathetically, "No, no you're not," without another moments hesitation he wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug protecting her at corners from the harsh terrible reality of Carla's world. She couldn't stop crying so he soothed her and rocked her back and forth until things subsided and her tremors common with this sort of emotion settled down, "Walk with me," he whispers, "Tell me what's going on?"

"I told you," she sniffs back tears, "I'm a horrible mother. I wanted to hurt her—"

"Who?" says Liam looking at her as they walked across his family's property, "Giulia? I don't believe it."

"You should. I seem to like hurting people. It's what I do, I hurt you—"

"—But with your children it's different. People don't want to hurt their children most especially not you."

"You say that because you love me," Carla cries, "But if you saw the truth, if you knew what I did to her and what happened in Cairo then you'd think differently."

"What do you mean about Cairo?" says Liam stopping his stride and grabbing Carla by the arm in an effort to stop her restless pacing. The spotting a bench nearby he motions Carla to go over and seat down. Kneeling in front of her and placing his hands on her own he asks again, "What about Cairo? Take your time, you don't want to upset yourself more than you already have or the baby."

Carla took a deep breath looking into those beautiful blue eyes, full of so much concern and love and everything they shouldn't in regards to her. Carla felt unworthy of his love in fact she knew she wasn't. Not perfect Liam, with his perfect everything and here she was now about to ruin all the trust they had built once again by revealing that she had been keeping yet another secret from him.

"He told me I had a choice Liam and only one choice," Carla finally mumbles an onset of tears following once again. She wasn't sure how she'd be able to carry on and make it through the story. Carla couldn't even look at him.

"Who told you that?" Liam whispers gently raising her chin up with the tip of his finger so that he look her, "Who told you that you had a choice?"

"Alasdair," Carla says her lips trembling and her flushing under Liam's gaze, "He was Cairo around the time of Michel's wedding," Carla realized in mentioning father in law she'd have to finally explain about the doctor as well. That was something she had kept completely from within Liam's knowledge but now knew it was necessary she tell. This whole thing had started with Frank Foster anyways. Pulling herself together and forcing herself to be brave, Carla looked Liam in the eye and asked, "Do you remember when we going back to the Villa in Cairo, when we had just left the wedding reception and were on our way home?"

Liam nodded his yes but didn't say anything only squeezing Carla's hand prompting her to continue on further.

"I met a strange man in the lobby…he bumped into me and we had weird exchange. I felt like I knew him from somewhere and it was unsettling. You commented on it and brushed it off."

"I remember that night," Liam whispered, "You shut down on me. It was like you were in another world. I'd never seen anything like that before."

"You wouldn't leave it alone. Remember how we fought the next day and how you said I was keeping things from you. You thought it had to do with Antony, but it wasn't about him at all."

"It was about the man at the hotel. The one I only got a glimpse of—"

"—Which is why you don't remember that the man was Doctor Frank Foster. It was so quick no one could remember an exchange that brief, but then I remembered him too from a part of my childhood I would have liked to have kept shut down. You see, he was the doctor that cared for me in the asylum all those years ago when I finally escaped my uncle Aidan."

"Okay?"

"Except I didn't escape anything really because it was the same old pain just under the guise different man. I trusted him, he made think he was my friend. But then he hurt me and kept on hurting me for along time. Until my father rescued me yet again and forced into the hands of yet another monster."

"He raped you?" says Liam his face turning pale white, "Frank Foster raped you?"

Carla nodded her head too afraid to hear the sound of her cracking voice, "Slowly it all started coming back to me. And then we made up so I didn't want to ruin a good thing and tell you and make angry like you got at Antony. I just wanted him to go away and I had it mind that night we went to masquerade to seek Foster out and tell him to stay away from us and happy family. It was hard and I didn't think I would find him, but somehow it was like he knew I'd be there, that I'd be waiting for him and he found me instead. Frank Foster appeared when I needed him to most and I followed him to the hotel room and inside I got surprise in the form of Alasdair. That's when he told me I had a choice to make."

Liam was silent for a while, but she feels the rage pulsating through his hands as he took in the information that Frank had harmed her as well. She wasn't sure how he was dealing with yet another secret kept from him, but regardless of the shame she felt it didn't seem important in the present. Regardless of anger he was feeling, Liam could sense how hard it had been for Carla to tell him these things. He knew that the last thing she needed was for him to lose control and get angry. He would be strong and composed because he knew that all she needed, was his strength to know that things would be okay.

"What was the choice?" Liam whispers, "Was it to do with Giulia then?"

"You, Cillian and Giulia. Alasdair threatened me into handing Giulia over to him or else he said he would kill you and Cillian and no one would win. I didn't want to make such a choice and if only you could understand just hard it was for me to do what I did, how every moment of it killed me—"

"—You didn't have a choice," Liam utters, "With Cillian's life in danger you didn't have a choice. I wish you would've told me. I would've killed them both."

"Alasdair told me not to. He said if I did he would know and Antony would have his revenge."

"Well then there you go. You didn't have a choice."

"But you always have a choice," Carla cries, "I could've had said no and I could've walked away. I could have told them to screw themselves and that would have made all the difference to Giulia whom was listening on the other side of the door. But I didn't, Liam. I was coward! I let them win in the game of manipulation."

"Oh Carla," Liam grabs her and wraps her in a hug, "Is that why you and Giulia have been so distant from one another?"

Carla who had her face burrowed in his shoulder mumbled a yes and continued to cry for a few moments longer before speaking again, "Whatever choice I made it was somehow wrong to other person! But you wanna know what I think sometimes?"

"What? What do you think?"

"I think sometimes that I made the choice I wanted to make. I think that my favor fell so easily upon Cillian because he _**ours **_…yours and mines own special little creation. And your everything I love, everything I adore, he's like your walking, living breathing image and I think to myself 'who wouldn't choose him?' especially in the face of everything I hate and everything that I am. It wouldn't make sense for me to choose Giulia when she reminds me so much of myself sometimes. "

"Shhh," says Liam gripping Carla in an even hug than before, "I don't believe that all Carla."

"She's melancholy just like me. It's so bad that Giulia can't even seem to move her body, she's incapable—her muscles won't move and she can't even left a leg to get into the tub, that's how depressed she is Liam. And I wondered as I was looking at her, and she couldn't stop screaming and crying and just reminding me of myself at that age; I wondered, when the hell did things get this bad? And where the hell was I that I didn't even notice it? I failed her Liam and I couldn't face this without feeling sick that I let her go off with Alasdair and under the care of that sick doctor who raped me when I was her age—so I yelled at her, told her to stop it. But really I just felt powerless and wanted to stop thinking the negative things I did. I lost all my temper because once again I'm too much of coward to own up to the fact that failed her."

"You want to know what I think, Carla? I think you're being too hard on yourself. You've tried to reach out to her—when you get to those dark places—I've seen it with you, it can be hard to really try and gain access someone's feelings."

"It doesn't change the fact that I failed her," Carla cries some more.

"You want to know what else I think?" Liam whispers, "I think Giulia has a good heart like her mother. All this stuff about reflections, I think we all know no one person is the exact copy of another in this world. It's silly to think Giulia will somehow be Antony or somehow only be like you. I think we can all be only the person that we want to be in the end. Giulia is surely but slowly getting there, I know this first hand from the way she is with Cillian."

"Sometimes it feels like nothing ever changes, nobody ever gets better and we're all just stuck at the place we started. Nothing ever changes in this crazy world—"

"—Except you. You've changed a lot since the day I first met you. You went from that girl trapped in a prison to one actively seeking a way out. You're brave and you're strong. You're so many things that you never give yourself credit for, especially when it comes to how good of mother you are to Giulia and Cillian as well as what good of a mother you will be towards our little Robert Paul or Geneva in there," Liam delicately touches her belly smiling at Carla.

"Why do you even love me Liam?" Carla can't help it she just had to ask.

"You can't ask why about love. It's just something that happens and I don't think I'll ever be able to give you enough reasons as to why I love you. But you don't know how many times I've thought to myself just how lucky am to have a woman like you that loves me. You don't know happy that makes me and when love is unconditional you'll love somebody whether you'd like to or not."

"Will you stay with me," Carla says calming down and slowly starting to feel a bit better. She was glad to have followed her instinct and arrived at Liam's, "I don't know if I can face Giulia just yet after what I just did to her."

"As long as you need, I will stay. I will always stay," and then smiling he adds, "I actually think you could with a little sleep."

"Your parent's are in that house right now. Everyone thinks we are not together. What would they think?"

"It won't matter what they or anyone thinks after tonight?" Liam remarks.

"What do you mean?" Carla asks accepting his extended arm as an offering of her way off the bench. Liam wraps his arms around her and proceeds to lead her in the direction of the main estate.

"I just mean life is too short for us to be kept in cages," gently kisses her head of hair, "Now how about we get you some food and into bed?"

"I think that would be nice. And Liam, about Frank—"

"Let's not speak about that bastard right now. He's not worth a thought. Lets focus on keeping you happy. I think Cillian would be happy to see his mother, don't you?"

"I hope so—"

She ate some food and spent time with Cillian. Next Carla remembered falling asleep Liam's bed with Liam's arms wrapped around her as they talked about the future and their baby. It was nice, to just spend moments with him like that. And she felt relieved like a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like she could breath again, that maybe she wasn't so horrible and the world not so scary and bleak. She could always talk with Giulia later.

When she woke later, Carla realized that many hours had passed and it was now dark outside. She panicked wondering what the time was because Giulia's gala would probably be getting underway any moment now. Rolling over expecting to find Liam on the other side of her or at least somewhere in the room she was stunned to see Michelle instead sitting in a nearby chair doing some knitting and humming to herself.

"Michelle?" Carla says immediately leaving her groggy state, "Where's Liam?"

"Oh you're up, " Michelle says gingerly, " He's at Giulia and Trevor's engagement gala. He didn't want to wake you as you look so peaceful and like an angel sprawled on his bed. I agreed with him about your angelic like features and then further agreed to let you sleep and so he just went on his way."

"Well I better get going then too," Carla was a bit caught off guard that they had both watched her sleep and had an ongoing commentary about it. But shaking her head and focused on the task at hand Carla slid off the bed, "My only daughter's engagement gala and all. I should be there—"

"—You're not going anywhere," says Michelle slowly rising from her chair and setting the knitting aside, "Or I meant to say you can't because Cillian is down the hallway and so excited mummy has come to stay."

"Well I can just take him with me—"

"—Liam said that wouldn't be a good idea. He says he's not doing well and need some extra motherly care."

"Why didn't stay with me and give some fatherly care then?" Carla narrows her eyes suspiciously, "He hates Antony as much as I do. I can't imagine him going to the gala unless it was to keep an eye on my safety. Seeing as i'm not there right now so it sort of defeats the purpose."

"Oh well he just had something he had to do," Michelle replies nonchalantly.

"Something like what?" Carla knows something was up now and she intends to find out just what exactly this 'something' was. Michelle was a horrible liar.

"Just something—"

"—well then you won't mind if I just get on my merry then with my son Cillian of course. He'll want to see his Giulia."

"You can't!" shouts Michelle running to the door and blocking Carla's passage way, "I am under strick orders to keep you here. If you don't listen to me Liam will pinch me and do much worse things to me that no loyal sister deserves!"

Carla knew it. She knew something was up. Unable to suppress a smirk she eyed Michelle up and down before saying, "Michelle Connor, start talking."


	106. Chapter 106

**This chapter is a bit of a filler/ short but it does give some insight into Liam's feelings (something I often think this story is lacking) so I felt it should be the next installment and good enough to be a stand alone. Next update will definitely start moving things along and set up the necessary steps for this fic to finally reach its conclusion. **

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Sometimes Liam felt so selfish in his love for her and that maybe sometimes he expected too much Carla. He had expected her to be this ideal person that he conjured up in his head, everything he had envisioned about her the first day they had met. But she was only human and the fact that he had placed so much on her shoulders, indirectly encouraged behaviors that allowed her to keep her real self under wraps; that was the most selfish love of all, more selfish then anything Antony had done. He thought many things about Antony, many things which were justified and warranted but at least he could always the man that he never pretended be other than he was with Carla. With him, she had known exactly what she was getting but him, Liam on the other hand had promised so things plenty of which he had failed to deliver on.

Liam said he would never hurt her, but he hurt every moment he didn't allow her to be that which she really was, every moment he got disappointed with something she had said or showed disapproval in actions he didn't understand, Liam had failed her. He was fooling himself into thinking that his love had ever been one without conditions. Everyday he was trying to make her into the things she was not, he had somehow managed to construct a different prison around Carla's life. Sometimes people just wanted to be themselves and Liam realized he rarely gave Carla that opportunity. It was like he had constructed some mental prison in which she was to be contained like a child, only ever saying things to make him happy with little regard for her own happiness. She defined herself by his terms, by the love he bore for her. He never wanted that, Liam never wanted any of this pain for her. And then he had the audacity to wondered why she kept secrets? He why she didn't tell him about things to do with Trevor, Peter, Frank, and the list goes on and on. It was because Liam practically scolded Carla making her feel unworthy of him at every turn. That wasn't the sort of love that people counted as blessing, it was the sort of love that should be considered a curse.

As he watched her sleep, he thought a variety of things about their relationship he had never thought before; like the fact that he was a major contributor to the source of her pain. He could never comprehend or even begin to understand how horrible it must have been to keep what had happened in Cairo under wraps for so long. Carla must resent him in some ways, resent the fact it could have been so much easier if she could just give some clues as to her real feelings. She must resent that he couldn't pick on the fact that something was wrong. She must resent sometimes that he just leave her alone the day they had met and if she didn't now then she would in the future.

Before she had fallen asleep they talked about the baby, what things could be like in the future. Liam realized he was tired of dreaming about the future then, tired of dreaming up scenarios for things yet to happen. Instead Liam found that he was drawn to the past, a past that no one can ever repeat, finding himself wishing he could somehow make her forget, make himself forget... what if they could just forget the way they feel about each other? Say they could look at one another and remember everything they were once, that they had been in love; but realizing in that moment right there and then that it was something belonging to the past. If they could just accept it or think they had to regain it then things wouldn't be so hard anymore. No more burdens to be had over impossible expectations, they could just forget how they felt only having to remember that they did feel that particular way once. But in the absence of feeling it wouldn't matter why...they wouldn't be in love.

He felt horrible for thinking this, for even letting this possibility cross his mind because Liam knew he was being selfish again. Carla thought of him as being so perfect and he played into that idea for so long all the while knowing that he could really think some of the most heartbreaking and insecure things about their relationship, somethings even worse than what Carla thought. Who would it would it be easier for? Him of course, but for her it would be painful to think that the person you shared so many good memories would somehow want to be removed from them and from you. Liam could think and dream up all the alternative outcomes to their shared history that he wanted, he could be filled with regret and try runaway from things but he knew deep down that this wasn't what he really wanted. Being in love with Carla was more important than anything. If time had been of any indication or even separation; it was all a reminder that nothing could make him forget how he felt and would always feel about Carla.

She had told him that she had had a choice and maybe that was all good and true that we always have a choice as human beings. But chances stood side by side with the choices. Sometimes in all the craziness all one had were chances and in moments of weakness there was always a chance of love. You could feel too much and hurt too much but sometimes there was just no choice. If there was Liam just couldn't see it because with Carla there were no choices but love and taking that chance. And how anyone could ever hurt her in all the ways those men had, he didn't have a choice and they had no chance but to be destroyed. So he told Michelle there would be a change in plans, that he required her to stay at there home and watch over Carla. He had to protect her from the horrible things he was about to undergo and he only hoped that one day both her and Giulia would understand why it was something he felt he had to do.

"Are you ready for this?" whispers Michelle, "How do you feel? Are you nervous?"

"Not really," Liam says sliding off the bed careful not to disturb Carla while she still slept, "It's weird…cause when I'm around Carla I always get this strange feeling…like not bad strange but a nervous strange. I always wonder if all I'll ever be enough for her," he paused for a second considering his choice of words. He realized that as he said it to Michelle he didn't particularly feel that way anymore. With all the selfish and paranoid thoughts crossing his mind earlier, Liam now realized that the key separation that exists between him and men like Tony. He now knew why all the insecurities were wrong and he had been wrong to keep Carla from Peter's friendship. His sister stared at him waiting for Liam to speak, "I don't feel so nervous anymore because I know I can enough for her. Actually I know I am enough... no use in being selfish anymore."

"Well that's good then, isn't it?" Michelle holds out his suit jacket, "Mother, father, Pippa, Thomas and Paul are all waiting downstairs so you better get going."

"Thank you," says Liam putting his arms through each sleeve and taking one last glance in the mirror. This was it.

"I put a gun inside your inside pocket," Michelle says looking proudly at him in the mirror reflection, "Just in case that _belladonna_ thingy fails. Can't take any chances."

"Nope," Liam says smiling, "I can't. Is Cillian asleep?"

"Fast, like a baby."

Liam was contemplating whether to go pop in and give his son a goodnight kiss on the cheek. He was starting to get a bit emotional in regards to this journey he was about to embark on and there was a very real chance he may break down into a fit of tears at any moment. Killing someone is when innocence truly leaves you and once he crossed that line there was coming back. Liam may very well be a different person in the morning so he wanted to avoid all of that and remain strong, because any chance of just being able to curl up and hold his son was just too tempting and the easy way out. Liam had to remain strong, he couldn't fail anyone tonight.

Michelle seemed to read his mind because she squeezed his shoulder and smiled, "Don't worry I will tell him you said goodnight and give him a big goodnight kiss. You have to do this …it has to be you, Liam."

Liam instead walked over to where Carla was, still fast asleep on his bed. If tonight somehow changed the person he was, if somehow made him a monster no better than Antony because he would have become a murderer, Liam wanted to remember this moment. Apart of him that was once so selfish in regards to her would be gone for ever and he no idea what come in it's place. But he hoped only good things would come this, that if he lost himself everything good and kind would be reflected back in Carla, everything that is beautiful.

"Don't be too angry with me for leaving you," he whispers gently stroking her cheek, "Right now I don't have a choice."

Careful not to let his voice break or anything else inside of him, Liam quickly removes himself from the situation and that room. It was time and really like he said, Liam really didn't have a choice only the option of a chance to make things right once and for all.


	107. Chapter 107

**A/N: This update is quite long (I will most likely be editing it throughout the day to tweak my mistakes) and there is also a bunch of violence occurring. Also there is reference to the sensitive subject of rape. For this reason I have rated this particular chapter M. if you choose to proceed do so at your own accord. ****Thank you as always for reading.**

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"Can I trust you to make sound decisions?" Liam says navigating his cousin Phillipa by the arm as they move about through Paradise Palace. The whole family had just arrived for the engagement gala and was fighting their way through the crowd of valets and various guests in attendance. Liam and his cousin split up from his parents and brother almost immediately, leaving Paul to be flooded with sympathetic condolences from those who hadn't been able to make his wife Margaret's funeral. His parents also greeting people they knew and looking for the area in which to place the engagement gifts leaving Liam and Phillipa to their own devices.

"What do you mean can you trust me?" Phillipa responds only paying half attention as she waves at various familiar faces from her London social circle, "I can do anything I want as long as I put my mind to it."

Liam had no time for this rather blasé sort of attitude. He only had time for people willing to give one hundred percent towards this cause. Liam didn't need 'right fighters' and he didn't need recklessness. He gripped his cousin hard by the arm making sure she got the message and would give him her full attention.

"Oww!" Phillipa glares, "What's next then? Are you going to pinch me like you used to pinch our Michelle?"

"Your sort of thinking is exactly the type of thinking people like our parents love to discourage and with good reason! You're only paying half attention and yet you expect to get good results."

"Oh be quite Liam," snaps Phillipa, "I'm practically giving up an evening better spent waltzing to do this plan and all for you. You ought to appreciate my sacrifices more. I'm the only one who has been encouraging throughout this whole ordeal when it comes to you and Carla. I was way more supportive than Paul or Michelle ever was. It's about time you remember that!"

"Look I'm sorry—"

"—Don't apologize. Just please stop being so uptight. The quickest way to alert suspicion onto oneself is to behave in an uptight manner. Remember Antony has eyes like a hawk, he can smell the attitude any person is wearing and he'll eat you alive. In short calm the hell down!"

Liam was about to snap back with another retort but in the crowd they saw Tommy Duckworth signaling to them with a gentle nod of the head to follow him. Liam could only guess that this meant the room was finally ready. Alerting Phillipa they both went on their way moving discreetly as to not draw any attention to themselves. They walked down the long stretch of hallway, quite and remote compared to the rest of the Palace until they reached the area leading into the study. Tommy was already at the door giving it a brief knock before Bentley Wise appeared on the other end letting him in. Phillipa and Liam followed shortly.

"This room will work then?" says Tommy glancing around curiously the study.

"It's perfect," says Bentley, "And our only option really because it is the only part of this humongous place that is virtually deserted. Nobody is going to be venturing down these parts with the ballroom opened. This area also contains the library wing. Do you think anyone is going to pass up a night of good food, gossip and champagne to read books and the like?"

"I suppose not," mutters Tommy before blurting out, "I haven't seeing Tina at all day."

"I think it's a good idea she doesn't know you're here. We don't need her alerting Antony or running off anywhere," says Liam before turning to the P.I., "Is the whole family accounted for?"

"I saw most of the Deans present in the ballroom, Alasdair Gordon is there with them as well. However Giulia, Tina and Antony have yet to appear."

"Strange," says Liam remembering the last time he had attended a full-scale party at the Palace in '20. Antony was practically falling all over himself to introduce the orchestra and impress everyone with his knowledge of classical composers. It was unlike him to pass up an opportunity to do the same tonight as well as deny the chance of guests fawning over his beautiful palace, "Where could he possibly be?"

"Probably still upstairs getting ready with his child bride," says Bentley Wise before quickly realizing that referring to Tina as a 'child bride' offended Tommy immensely and hence apologizing immediately.

"I trust Alexander Dorscher can be kept out of the way?" Liam hoped glancing at Tyrone Dobb's to hear the latest on his employer's whereabouts.

"You're in luck Mr. Connor" Tyrone says grimly, "Elizabeth insisted on coming after all and has managed so far to keep her husband as well as both daughters on a tight leash for the evening. It would offend her sensibilities to know that his bastard daughter was here and if he saw her, my employer would be wise to avoid Tina if you don't want a scene."

"Well I do want a scene. But preferably one that causes everyone to go rushing for the exit. No fight between two women will do that."

"I have my gun Mr. Connor, don't worry I make sure it is noticed."

"You might want to stand somewhere near Maria Sutherland or Tracey Barlow tonight as you wave it about. They make the biggest scenes, even bigger than me," Phillipa pips up.

"You," says Bentley Wise only now realizing Phillipa was in the room, "Do you have the spiked wine?"

"Yes," Phillipa removes the bottle from her bag handing it over to Bentley Wise's gloved hands immediately. He walked over to the table assorted with various wines and brandies doing a switcheroo.

"How are we going to assure he even drinks it?" Tommy asks Liam. Everyone watched as Bentley Wise continued to move about the room looking out for various things, pulling at books on the shelf and the like.

"A note," says Liam retrieving a letter from his coat pocket, "I addressed it from my father. It's a celebratory congratulations on his daughter's engagement. Antony trusts my father and has no reason to be suspicious."

"Doesn't he also recognize your father's writing?" Tommy inquires, "He may not trust it."

"Servants usually write up the notes," says Liam abruptly, "When I was younger especially with my mother I don't remember her ever writing a single herself. She usually dictated them towards others to transcribe. Antony won't suspect because this sort of thing isn't uncommon with our parents generation—what are you doing?" Liam was distracted by Bentley's constant retrieving of various books om the study shelf.

"Looking."

"I can see that. But for what?"

"A false cover."

"A false cover?" Phillipa repeats confused.

The P.I breaks off into a tangent, " 1917 onward, my travels throughout the continent was met with many Leninists. They had many secrets to keep and often ones they kept hidden in plain sight. I was very amused with how some my colleagues managed to do this, with Caesar boxes sometimes and at others they hid important information to do with their activities in books. Inside of book covers, more precisely—"

"So… a false cover?" Phillipa again asks

"Literally and figuratively," says the P.I. examining a particular book on the shelf that has caught his attention with great detail. Slowly he slid it off the shelf shaking it a bit and confusing everyone as he slowly retrieves a pocket knife and lays the book down on it's spine, "I met a Marxist professor during my stay in Berlin in '21, he told me that power and knowledge should always be kept side by side. That's the only way to be safe. So he made an effort to do so literally." Out of nowhere he tore up the inside of the cover, lifting the paper off from the base to reveal a deeper area, a false cover, "Just as I thought," the P.I. murmured, slowly pulling out pieces of paper from the hollow inside concealed within the false cover and then lastly to Liam's surprise a gun.

"Oh my god," whispers Tyrone, "What is all of that?"

"Antony Gordon's secrets hidden in plan sight," Bentley smirks, "He is rather amateur still compared to the professor I knew.

Liam went over immediately taken aback by all the strange ways in which Antony operated. Was nothing ever as it seemed with him? Liam was just flabbergasted that he was able to conceal a gun in an old book of that size. But Liam was more concerned about what was contained in the various papers tucked away inside. Grabbing for one without a second thought he unraveled it and read:

_**Frank,**_

_**I'm sure you've heard about the young Dean fellows recent fall down the mine. I know you lied on the medical reports. I also know you're protecting my father and Conrad. But don't you know by now that I will always be one step ahead of you in all matters concerning my father?**_

_**The way I see it, you have one of two options in my opinion. Either I tell the board of commissioners that you have failed to uphold your Hippocratic Oath and you lose everything, all that hard work, your family legacy tarnished at the asylum. Or you stop wasting your talents in fathers corner and work for me now. Stop protecting my father. He has no one but himself to blame for what's happening in the Congo right at the present. If you continue to work against me in support of his cause I will come for you. Let me know when you're available to talk. Be advised that when a reply is finally sent I expect to receive this letter back with it. Nothing personal of course just that such precautions are necessary when dealing with men so well acquainted with my father.**_

_**Regards,**_

_**Antony**_

"What are they talking about?" says Phillipa peering over Liam's shoulder also reading.

"I don't know," Liam says quickly grabbing for another. Whatever it was it seemed to be yet another secret.

_Antony,_

_You offend me my friend! I have no idea what you are talking about when you say that I am protecting your father. But if you feel so strongly about it, perhaps I can prove my loyalty to you and your cause in other ways. Alasdair thinks he may be able to quite the youngest Dean boy by offering up promises of marriage between the young Julian and your Giulia. Conrad is jumping all over the idea especially since your father threw in Paradise Palace as apart of deal…_

_**Frank,**_

_**Don't make me laugh. I much too smart for such games and you much too silly. Now you can't possibly deny that something horrible and intentional did indeed happen in that mine with the middle brother, Alexander Dean. He can't walk anymore and I want to know why.**_

_**My father has to be pretty desperate though to be putting in Paradise Palace as a part of the deal. Tell me, does he think I'm stupid? Does he really think I'll just give it all away to anyone especially that stupid crony Conrad Dean! Let him just try! But the Palace alone can't make for much of wager now can it? The last time I checked you actually need something to barter with and alas our Giulia is elsewhere at the moment and that is with her godforsaken mother…**_

_Antony,_

_You must think your father is stupid! He's knows that Giulia is not with you, he has known for quite some time. Have you not heard about the card he got from Giulia and some alleged grandson named Cillian? He is practically livid, sweating away in the jungle just thinking about it. Plus when he was last at Paradise Palace he saw those lovely paintings you were obsessing over in those newspaper clippings. What's that artist from New York's name?..._

_**Frank,**_

_**Her name is 'M. Dacia Barlow' and yes I was obsessing over the technique it looks so wondrous, so different yet something I am so familiar with. But stop changing the subject, why is my father so confident that he'll get what he wants with my Giulia?...**_

_Antony,_

_How should I know? Look, I'm back in London, attending to the gentleman Alexander Dorscher. He tells me you have been of a great help to him recently looking after those politicians trying to rip his factory apart. How ever will he repay you? I assume you will not work for free…_

_**Frank,**_

_**Even you most know that nothing anyone ever does comes without a price. But don't worry about Dorscher. He's just a back up plan of mine. In fact for years my main target has been in Fionnbharth Connor. I wish to make his son pay in anyway I can for even daring to put his hands on my wife. I don't know what made him think he could put his hands on my Caroline…**_

_Oh please Antony, like you didn't know that this is what would happen? You knew exactly what would make that Connor fellow put his hands on your lovely darling. That was the whole point I thought. That's what you always intended in parading her around in front of him. I guess you were very afraid that she might have gotten that divorce after all. Isn't that why she went to stay with her parents in London for five months? She really thought her father would be sympathetic towards the option of divorce…_

…_**The fact that she even tried to get a divorce is laughable. But don't think I don't know my Caroline more than anyone else in this world. Poor little Caroline, all she ever wanted was to feel loved an accepted. It's the weakness in her, she just can't help it. Sometimes I don't even think Caroline has a full understanding of who she is. But that's okay, I know her well enough for the both of us…**_

…_I always wondered how you knew which one it was going to be Antony? Between Liam and Paul, your ability to predict which Connor brother your weak wife would fall for is nothing short of outstanding. I applaud your natural instinct for observation…_

…_**You're preoccupation with this plan long since past is a bit unsettling Frank. Don't you have other things to worry about, like keeping an eye on that Julian Dean? I don't want him out of your sight in Elizabethville (father may try to kill him for all we know) and in answer to your question, I know Caroline more than anyone in this world.**_

_**She has so much conflicting grief and melancholy. People with that great deal of suffering will always do crazy and irrational things. Plus Liam's the opposite of me in looks and she'll be mesmerized thinking him something exotic and fresh. Add that to the fact that certain things elicit emotion from her and she is so fixated on the past, Caroline will do anything to leave here. Consider it a gift of sorts, a test to see if she will really be foolish enough to take it…**_

…_You're so jealous though, Antony. The plan would have always enviably fail because you are a jealous man when it comes to Caroline. I can't imagine you'd ever let her leave Paradise Palace alive. But then you surprised me and did just that…._

… _**When are you going to realize that all I care about is taking things from her like she tried to take from me. She hurt me, trying to leave as she had in January of 1920. Ever since then I have resolved myself to hurting her and making her pay. There is a natural order in this world and I don't like those who think they can disobey their natural place. Even so, it wasn't so much about Caroline as much as it was ensuring I had an iron clad case when it came time for the courts. If she tried to leave me (which she has) any case for custody would be rejected on the grounds of adultery. She would be considered the party that actively brought about an end to the marriage leaving our home and engaging in indiscretions with Liam Connor. I on the other have stayed in the family home and have not sought to displace Giulia in anyway. **_

_**Like I said my wife did everything I needed her to, she played into my script. Same with Liam, they did exactly what I needed them too. It's their nature, he can't help but be the hero and she can't help being anything other than a damsel in distress.**_

_**It's just too bad my father is trying to ruin things. I heard he sent that Julian boy abroad to America. It's a pathetic attempt to thwart me but I'll find the boy in America. I'll find him wherever my father tries to send him…**_

…_Yes your father did do that. Conrad threw Trevor Dean up into the ring as a replacement. Alasdair approves because he thinks isolating Julian from the family will help cover his crimes and I'm afraid to report that it's working. Speaking of both your father and Trevor Dean, we're all about to make a very important journey to Cairo soon. I'll tell you all about it when we meet in person next…._

_**My father already has Giulia I am not dumb Frank. I saw his personal accounts for all those paintings purchased in New York. He obviously thinks he's the only one smart enough to make a connection but what else would be in to New York for?**_

_**If we're being honest I don't care much right now. I have the Dorscher's and the Connor's to mess with for the time being until I get bored. You made a good find in that Tina girl. I knew you'd be reliable and she turning out to be easier to manipulate than I thought. We are even now since I got you on the shareholders board to the Connor family's shipping business. **_

_**Now if my father thinks he is going to cut me out, I've already been working on plans to acquire other people's money since 1920. That was the whole point of going into business with Connor Clan. He just thinks he's important, same with Caroline. Both are not as special as they think they are. Unlike Liam, I don't spend every waking moment obsessing over my own wife. It may come, as shock to Liam but not every man wants what he has. I've already had it, played at perfect little families and now I'm interested other things. Mainly in tearing things apart, him in particular would make for good sport. I just want to watch that bastard burn…**_

Liam was incensed; beyond incensed even he was so damn angry he couldn't even believe it. He could not believe these letters in front him, confirmations of things he had suspected in states of paranoia but somehow thought impossible were now confirmed to be true. Antony Gordon really was smarter than all of them combined; he really was a grand puppet master. He gambled with chances and played with peoples hearts in order to accomplish his goals. It was like he had written a story, placed the characters, created the plots, and sat back watching with the knowledge that all depended on the hero's to decide how things would end. Of course he was good at predicting the most likely outcomes, knowing all the scenarios when Antony was the one that created, pushed, and pulled at every environment, which encouraged such things to take place. Liam felt violated as he staggered away from the letters. Everyone else in the room was silent and stunned having read the letters as well.

It was a wreck, this whole situation felt like a wreck so strange he had to pinch himself in order to be convinced it had all actually happened, that somehow this wasn't some cruel joke or dream. In his rage he wanted to aim for a wall. Basically what this confirmed was that Carla never really stood a chance which ever way she went. Somehow Antony would always make her pay. He would make her pay only because she did all the things he expected her to. She was the damsel in distress in so many ways and Antony punished her, he punished her for acting exactly how he wanted. Was this Antony's strange form of disappointment? Was he just disappointed, bored and resentful that people always did that he expected them to. Liam knew there was no point in even trying to figure out a man who took sick pleasure in taking away other peoples free will. Antony just regarded others as playthings, objects to use his own enjoyment. The reason why he was so good at this sort manipulation was because Antony could count on the fact that understood other humans while they didn't really him at all. If he could make someone believe what he wanted them to believe, that they could somehow trust him and turn to him he would upper hand…he knew everything while others knew so little. And what would he do with this power? Antony wasn't looking for anything that was logical and Liam was convinced that nothing could be done to reason with him. Antony wasn't in anything other than destroying others simply because can.

"Liam?" whispers Phillipa, "Liam are you alright?"

"I feel sick—"

"He is one sick man, that fellow," says Bentley Wise in a not too particularly surprised fashion, "Like I've always said you've all been duped."

"You're not helping the situation you know!" snaps Phillipa.

"To be honest, neither are you. Don't be shouting incase someone wanders down here to check the source of the sound."

"I think we should put everything back. Well everything except the gun. We plan on apprehending him in here so the less weapons the easier," says Tommy.

"That's exactly what I've been doing for this whole time. I've been stripping the rom of potential weapons," the P.I. says slowly gathering the letters and handing them to Liam with while he gave Phillipa the book for safekeeping. Now shall we?" he motioned to the door, "It's time to make some results happen!"

* * *

"Carla! Carla please wait up! STOP!" Michelle shouted as Carla flung the door open to the car she had managed to speed down the country winter roads absolutely livid. Michelle had threw herself into the passenger seat, both women leaving Cillian at home under the watch of the housekeeper after things had escalated so quickly once Michelle had finally revealed the truth of what Liam was up to. Throwing the keys at a nearby valet she marched up the stairs of Paradise Palace intent on ending this madness, "CARLA PLEASE WAIT! Just stop a moment and think about what you are doing!"

"No!" says Carla turning around on the stairs with such force she caused Michelle to jump back in fear, "You think about what you're doing! Did any of you think about what you were doing at all?!"

"Please keep your voice down," says Michelle glancing nervously at a group guests convened on the stairs chatting the infamous and gossipy Tracey Barlow present amongst those who looked rather curious, "Please calm down and think what you're about to ruin! Months of hard work it what, if you storm in there and put a stop to things."

"I am not going to allow Liam to put himself in danger for me!" Carla says trying her best to remain calm but failing miserably. How could Liam put his life at risk like this for her, after all the times he got mad at her for wanting to do the same for him. She knew Antony better than him and it was crazy that somehow Liam thought he could take Antony on without any help from her. They should be working together if anything, not apart. It was principle more than anything.

"This isn't just about you anymore Carla," snaps Michelle, "Antony has done a lot things of horrible stuff to a lot people in on this plan tonight. He has done things to my father and brothers I want revenge against him just as much as you do." Michelle tried to block Carla's entry way into the house but right away Carla pushed her out of the way. For some reason she felt wrong about wanting to kill Tony and her thoughts gravitated to Giulia the daughter they shared in this moment. How would she feel if her father were to die? Somehow Carla wasn't sure this was the right way to deal with Antony. Reaching the entry way and completely ignoring all stares from the guests noticing her inappropriate attire she bolted for the stairs. For some reason she had a feeling that Giulia would be upstairs from the way she had been behaving this morning Carla knew she probably wouldn't be able to withstand crowds for a long period of time.

She managed to get away from Michelle, warning her not to try and pursue Carla in a chase. Running about through the hallways of the upstairs level, Carla felt nervous and anxious beyond belief. Her tremors were back even though they had no reason to be. Right there was a sign that something wrong, something had happened outside of her knowledge and control. The pit of her stomach was dropping as she clamored to Giulia's bedroom door. There was no light on, maybe she was sleeping, and maybe this just wasn't poor Giulia's day at all. Carla however just had to see her baby and hold her and apologize for everything that had happened in the morning. Slowly gripping the handle she opened the door, careful not to make the creaking noise with old door. The room was utter darkness but she saw a figure sitting on the bed, a figure much to big to be that of her daughters.

"Giulia?" she whispered and slowly reaching for the light switch the room overflowed with brightness. Carla jumped as her eyes adjusted to the light and the figure of Antony on the bed clutching a book in his hands. He did not even look at her, he look straight ahead in front of him blinking back tears. It was a strange sight, Antony Gordon blinking back tears. Carla didn't know what say, words failed her in that moment. But slowly she found the strength to gather her voice and croak out his name, "Antony?" There was a feeling of panic; Carla wondered did he perhaps know all about this outlandish plan Michelle had only just filled her in on. But then this the last way he would be behaving if he knew someone had put a hit out on his life. Her thoughts drifted to Giulia once more, wondering where their daughter was, "Is Giulia downstairs?" Carla hoped he would point her in the right direction.

Again he would not look at her much less speak to her. But the image of Antony on that bed, the way he had tensed his body up, his breathing shallow yet intense, she could feel the anger, a different sort of anger than she had ever witnessed from him before. It was the type that seemed bent on destroying him instead of others. Then it hit her why it all seemed so familiar. It was the dream, the dream she had had about Antoinette.

_It flooded through me, a surge of energy. Do you know what that feeling is Caroline?"_

"_Anger…it's anger."_

"_No it's power. Th__e fear you never felt before, pushing back at all those things which suck you in, sucking away at you slowly trying to control you so they can consume you…that's the feeling of power. It's when you give in and let the fear save you."_

Now Carla knew why she was having trouble saying anything to Antony in this moment. It was because he was experiencing fear, something she thought he of all people was incapable of feeling. But there was no mistaking it, the way his body was struggling to keep it all together on the outside when his insides were tearing apart. She would know the signs in which to recognize since she had experience that same feeling so many times before.

"Where is our Giulia?" Carla repeats in a whisper slowly venturing over to the unrecognizable figure on the bed. She did not know this Antony at all. Carla looked over him curiously, the journal clutched in his one hand and a rumble piece of paper in the other. The first sign that he gives of any acknowledgement to her person is to slowly offer up the crumbled paper for her to take from his hands. It is drenched in tears. Carla opens it nervously:

_Dear mother and father,_

_I don't have much to say except only that I can't be here anymore. I can't exist inside these walls or this specific world. Every moment that is left to me spent here kills me inside._

_I can't explain it all in this letter as it is already much too hard to write; so I've left you both my diary. It has the truth about everything that has happened. _

_No one here has taking me the places I've wanted to go. I realize now, the longer I stay that no one can take me the places I need to go either. I can only do that for myself and Julian has offered to help me. I won't be taken from the things I want in life. I won't be unhappy like either of you. So __I'm not coming back, not ever._

_ Don't bother coming after me because by time you read this both Julian and I will have been long gone. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me as much as I hope I can find it with in my heart to forgive you both one day as well. Mother, please tell Cillian I love him. Father, please grandfather the same._

_Your daughter,_

_Giulia_

"What?!" Carla exclaims her heart racing. She kept on glancing at the letter hoping her eyes were playing tricks on her, "This can not be happening! When did you find this letter?! Surely she couldn't have gotten far—"Slowly he slid off the bed his eyes blood shot and facing Carla head on. The tears had long since dried and his face was only one of rage. He had a dangerous look, a look that made Carla truly think of all the times he had threaten to kill her himself, that he was indeed capable of many cruel acts. Without a word he shoved the diary into her hands brushing past her with a great force towards door, "Antony—?"

"He fucking hurt our daughter!" Antony's voice booms it so unrecognizable it makes Carla's skin crawl but not where near the nature of the words themselves.

"What?" Carla whispers turning as white as a ghost. The words had to apart of nightmare, a dream, anything that wasn't reality, "What? Who hurt her?" Nothing he was saying was making any sense, "Where are you going Antony?"

Antony turned to face her this time as spoke, the tears falling fresh in all his anguish. In a steady and slow voice he repeats, "That bastard Frank Foster raped our daughter! Read about it all if you want Carla! It's all in there!" he points violently at the journal she was now holding in her hand, " And now I am going to find him and tear him limb from limb!" he kicked the door open letting it fall off it's hinges, his anger taking on a life of it's own.

"I'm coming too!" Carla says the anger only now setting in as she had numb herself from the onset of pain, "If you think you're going to do this all alone, you're dead wrong! Because I'm coming too!"

She wanted to make that bastard hurt. She didn't need to read the words in diary because she knew it was already true, Carla knew all that Frank Foster was capable of. And she was not afraid him, not tonight, the power she was feeling was driven by something else; the fact that Carla could have done better to protect Giulia, she could've have fought harder. But now there was no time that, tonight she would watch Frank Foster burn for everything. As she heard the music downstairs slowly begin to be overtaking by Antony's screams, banging on almost like a rhythmic drum as silence gradually took over the house, Carla was certain that before this night was over like she had promised herself all those months earlier, she would down upon Frank Foster's corpse and smile.

"FRANK!" shouted Antony his body shaking as he dared the doctor show himself. Everyone was quite down below as the source if all the screaming had come into view. Nobody knew what to say or what to do, "Where are you, you fucking bastard. Show yourself!"

Carla took over announcing as she arrived at Antony's side situated at the bannisters, "The party is over! You all can go home now unless you're Frank Foster of course. If you're Frank Foster you get a bullet through your heart instead!" she knew she shouldn't have said that part but in her anger she was volatile and ready to draw blood.

There were some gasps and then a few people chattering unsure of what to make of this ordeal.

"Good one Carla," laughs one guest Steven MacDonald nervously from down below raising his glass of champagne as if to give her praise, "You almost had me there with that joke. Marriages do make people wan't to kill each other. Just ask my ex Tracey," laughing a bit more and encouraged by the nervous laughter of others he continues on, "The fiancé Trevor Dean is still waiting for his precious Giulia to make her first appearance in the ballroom—"

"—Oh yes," says another guest Leanne Battersby, "We've been waiting for the first dance. Many of us just went out here just to chit chat—"

Carla was about to repeat herself that this was no laughing matter and that she seriously wanted these guests to get on home, but before she could do anything Antony left her side and went charging down the staircase like an animal the next thing Carla knew there was a scream, the familiar all too recognizable screeching of Tracey Barlow coming from the ballroom area, "He's got a gun! He's got gun! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES EVERYONE!"

More panic as gunshots ran throughout the Palace and Carla unsure of what to do and knowing she could not lose sight of Antony was on the way down the steps herself as guests began clamoring towards the available exits. Antony was getting lost in the crowd.

"GUNS?! This can't happen here! This place is practically as safe as the royal borough!" shouts Liam's mother stupidly thinking her opinion mattered as she grabbed for a friends hand amongst the panic towards the main door.

Carla hoped Liam was okay and in her worry was just about to venture even further down so she could go search for him, when she felt a tight grip around her arm pulling her backwards so that she remained on the top level.

"If you wanted me to come out darling, all you had to do is ask," Carla looked up petrified as the face of Frank Foster smirked down at her, his eyes gleaming with evil as he clasped his hands on her mouth to stop her from screaming, "Your Antony should know better than anyone, I'm the master at hiding in plan sight. If wants me, for his precious little Giulia's sake he better save you first," Carla struggled trying to claw at him as he dragged her further and further from visible sight making Carla drop Giulia's diary as he did so, "What do you think Carla darling? Do you think we should go seek your stupid husband out? Or do you think we should wait until he finds us? I don't know, he may be too late if he sits around doing like he did with darling Giulia."

Carla wouldn't hear this monster speak a minute longer. She was disgusted with him, he had promised he wouldn't touch her daughter. She should have knowing it was his nature to prey on others regardless. Pushing her jaw forward she clamped onto his fingers with her teeth digging in until she tasted flesh and blood. Frank gave out a scream, surprised that Carla would ever bite him. And as he tumbled backwards she plummeted forwards dashing down the stairs and looking for any makeshift item that could be used as a fast weapon that she could get her hands on. Calling out Antony's name as she went along, Carla decided she better rake her brains and try to remember where Antony always kept his pistols. In the study, of course Antony always had a multitude of guns in his study. With nothing to keep her back, this was Carla's next destination. It was time to unleash hell and get her self some much needed protection.

"ANTONY!" Carla screamed as she made way down the hallway towards the study passing briefly by the area leading towards the now dark ballroom, "ANTONY!"

* * *

Liam didn't know what the hell had just happened. All he knew was that nobody innocent was supposed to get shot tonight. They had just been standing in the ballroom with various other guests. He had even given himself over to some conversation and chit chat with Carla's best friend Maria Sutherland when his saw his Michelle appear out of no where. She wasn't supposed to be there and right away she ran to him dragging Liam away the urgency in her voice evident as she explained how Carla had gotten away from her and they needed to go find her now as she was freaking about the plan. Liam was on his way out, brushing shoulders with none other than Alexander Dorscher who had somehow managed to get away from his wife and daughters for a few moments. He looked tired and dishevelled but Liam didn't think anything else of it until he heard a scream.

"GOD! He's got a gun! He's got a gun!"

Liam turned around, angry expecting it to be Tyrone and thinking everything was falling apart because Tyrone was not supposed to reveal himself just yet. But instead he was faced with the surprise of Alexander Dorscher standing right in front of all the Dean's and Alasdair holding a pistol inches away from their bodies.

"Oh my god!" shouts Maria Sutherland, "He's going to shoot them!"

"I see your poor excuse for a son won't be showing himself this evening," bellows Alexander Dorscher settling his target on none other than Alasdair Gordon, "But I guess it's just a well because the father is just as good!"

**BANG!**

Chao's utter chao's is what happened because everything had happened so fast as Alasdair Gordon fell into the arms of Conrad and Trevor Dean who themselves where splattered with blood and in a state of complete shock. People gave out more screams as Alexander proceeded to wave the gun on others before raising it to the ceiling and firing a few more shots. A chandelier came crashing to the ground and guests as well as the orcherstra players ran for cover as Alexander moved about the room shooting down more and more chandeliers The man had truly been pushed to his breaking point and there was nothing to do but for people to rush for exits. Liam pushed Michelle forward.

"Get out of here right now Michelle!" he screamed, "Go find Thomas, Paul, mother and father! Just get everyone out of here, you too Maria!" he says grabbing Carla's dearest of friends hand and clasping it in his sisters.

"But surely you're coming with us?" says Maria as the screeching of Tracey Barlow's voice bellows across the room, "It's not safe for you to stay here!"

"I've lost Pippa," Liam says scanning around anxiously for his cousin, 'I'll find her first and then I need to find Carla. Alexander is a loose canon. He just went after Antony's father for Tina sake just to spite him, who's to say he won't go after Carla next since she is still legally Antony's wife. He had to get to Carla as soon as and get her to safety for the baby's sake.

"But Liam-" starts Michelle the tears starting to fall.

"JUST GO ALREADY!" He pushed both women towards the door and then turned his attention back to the crowd shouting his cousins name, "PIPPA!" he knew Alexander most likely wouldn't hurt her as he was roaming about no longer in view but his gunshots still very audible. He didn't believe she was in much danger as Alexander had a soft spot for her and she was friends with his daughters. But still Liam had dragged her into this mess tonight so if anything were to happen he would never forgive himself. Plus in the harrowing darkness Alexander could aim at anyone and care a damn about any of the faces. It dawned on him through the screaming and crying in this darkness, that he still had a gun and if came down to a moment where he'd have to take Alexander out, he would. No one innocent was supposed to get hurt. More people had been injured he noticed, Alexander had indeed shot many more people than Liam originally thought, "PIPPA!"

He was just about ready to give up when heard his cousins voice echoing throughout some part of the ballroom he thought, but he couldn't be sure for certain, "Liam? Paul? Uncle?Auntie? Anyone?!"

"Pippa!" he shouts again hoping that maybe she will hear him and keep on shouting his name so that he can be directed in her general area, "Pippa!"

Phillipa did not respond this time. Instead in the darkness he heard another familiar voice vibrating throughout the Palace, "ANTONY!"

"Carla?" Liam whispers not believing his ears or his luck, pulled himself away from the darkness of the ballroom and shattered glass in the direction of her voice. It was Carla's voice. He had found her. Though he wondered selfishly for a second why it was Antony's name she was calling instead of his.


	108. Chapter 108

**Just wanted to say a big thank you to dipdipdipmyblueship for helping me to brainstorm some ideas for this next installment. I appreciate the help :) Thank you as always to everyone who has been/ is continuing on reading this fic. Thank you for all the reviews as well.**

**This chapter has a rating of M**

* * *

She had to take a few breaths because in the moment of panic things had gotten so stressful; Carla had actually forgotten how to breathe. The hallway was so dark she couldn't see where she was going and as she grasped along the walls to find her setting, her legs slowly turned to jelly. Her voice grew coarse from shouting Antony's name for so long and her throat was so sore that Carla finally just gave up. Most of what was going through her mind wasn't the sound of thunderous footsteps trying to escape this place or even the earth shattering screams. No, Carla was in a different place completely. All her thoughts were full of Giulia, her poor Giulia, Giulia who was never coming back.

Carla wouldn't lie to herself, she was glad she hadn't had any chance to read the diary once Antony had thrust it into her hands. The words written upon its pages would only stir up an indescribable anguish. The difference between reading a story and seeing one, you can take your time with the words. They will stir the imagination and all the scenes described become images, more illusory than real. Carla didn't want to take her time in processing things; she did not want to take her time with the words and picturing Frank doing what he did best by violating her child. He seemed to like the mark of innocence and the opportunity to watch and actually see the pain of a victim falling apart inside, struggling against his power. That's how Carla remembers it all anyways; all those times he had attacked her when she was under his care years ago. To see was to then perceive rather than imagining and the truth was that some men simply weren't drawn to things definite; they couldn't be threatened or even reasoned with. They'd simply do whatever pleased them regardless because men like Frank Foster were only interested if not intrigued by the natural processes in which they could tear a single life apart.

Blinking sporadically in the darkness, Carla was starting to feel a bit fatigue with all these sorrowful thoughts running through her head. How could she not have seen these things? Carla had suffered them all herself once and yet she did not recognize the signs in Giulia. She only knew that somethings was not right, she saw symptoms of it but did not make any correlation as to the source. She thought Giulia behaved do poorly because of Antoinette when all along it was probably the doctor preying upon her. Frank had perfect opportunity to, he had both Antony and Alasdair's complete confidence. They blind to his true nature.

In these thoughts, the haunting image of little Tony appeared in the darkness of the hallway standing about as Carla stared at him in horror. That last thing she needed in this unfortunate situation was to be having horrible these hallucinations. Blinking her eyes around the vastness of surroundings with accelerated speed, Carla prayed he would just go away. But he wouldn't instead he said the same thing he always did when they crossed paths, mouthing it with his trademark boyish grin:

**"_You don't know all it is that you saw…"_**

She shuddered bringing her legs in and closing them into together as she pressed against the wall. She needed to remain as strong as possible and keep her footing. Carla could only hope little Caroline wasn't on her way to appearing as well…but sure enough little Caroline had joined him appearing within seconds out of thin air. Both just stared at her, expressionless blinking in unison. Carla's heartbeat became more erratic then, her hands started to shake and tears were flowing as she banged her head against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut, praying for someone to save her from the madness…

**"_They can't hurt you darling… unless you let them."_**

Antoinette Gordon had answered Carla's call.

In turn Carla proceeded to sink to the floor. Right now she just had to keep it together. Funny how Antoinette could say something like this now; didn't she think Giulia tried to protect herself, and Carla had as well? Carla's whole life was spent trying to ensure that people wouldn't hurt her anymore and yet many managed to do so. She was so angry; the sound of her heart pumping blood cascaded through her chest and rushed to all other parts erupting. Smears were on the wall opposite of her and with the palms of her hands Carla somehow used this rush of energy to push herself off the ground and plummet forward. Stickiness oozed through the creases of her fingers but she was unfazed by this knowledge only focusing on the smears. There was no escaping these images, no alternatives to conjure up in her head. Little red droplets were adorned everywhere. Unfazed by this knowledge, further and further Carla dragged her one hand along the surface of the wall until her it came to be placed upon the wall palm to palm with the bloody imprint already pressed in.

**"_What do you see right now?"_**

Blood," Carla answers back to the voice unfazed by Antoinette Gordon's presence. She let her eyes take it all in, the gruesomeness, blood was everywhere on the walls and on the floors…everywhere was blood, no illusions or tricks of the mind, just blood. For the first time Carla felt like the Palace had truly revealed itself, its real state to her. There was no perceiving only seeing things and this place had finally showed her what it was all about. It killed people, it had always killed people only now it wasn't something to be imagined in the head. Not a mental death but a physical one too, "I see blood."

**"And y_ou're upset?"_**

The tone of Antoinette's voice was one of mocking. Of course she was upset. Carla was furious, furious about ever being brought to this horrible place. Upset her father had traded her like chattel handing Carla over to the Gordon's in return for hefty payments. Upset that all complaining in life was always met with the response that she must shut her eyes and endure. She was upset that as a mother she had completely failed Giulia, upset her own mother failed her. Sad she wasn't closer with her brother Robert and upset her father hadn't been sent to an early grave. Carla was upset for so many things but most of all she was upset by the power of the stupid Palace.

It was just a damn house. Why did it have to control everyone? Why did the idea of it seem to trickle down generation after generation and like Alasdair described it; pit fathers against sons and sons against fathers in a power struggle of the wills. All it took was an idea, a way of thinking about ones own world and all the people in it; you could use this idea to change yourself and your world or you could somehow use it to keep things together and everything the same. Antony had an idea an idea about himself, a perception which wasn't entirely his fault since from a young age he adopted what all men in his family adopted for a time; he tried his part at being the dreamer. There was a time when he probably adored this place, thought he was living in virtual paradise. But when he got older he saw enough to let dreams go and he loved the home for other reasons instead, the material things it represented, the things you could actually see and not have to dream about; Antony grew to love the Palace instead.

It was frustrating because if he could've predicted how this all would effect Giulia; how his sense of objectiveness was still rather subjective, then he would have maybe tried harder. He wouldn't have been so arrogant thinking his ideas were the only ones that mattered. Carla was certain that Antony would have opened up his eyes and stop entertaining all his fantasies as truth. But like Alasdair had told Carla, _We only see what we want to see._ And both men were guilty of that, both men weren't as realistic as they would have others believe. In the end Giulia was the one who ended up suffering for it as Frank Foster had managed to deceive both Gordon men of his true nature for years. The fact that men like Frank existed in the confines of these glided walls, in their idea of a perfect world was the exact reason and reminder of why it was important to see things for what they truly were rather than imagining them.

So Carla took in the grim scene present in the hallway, examining the blood on her hands. This was what was real… this is all she saw. Even if it was the truth it didn't mean she had to like it. Finally she whispers back, "Yes, I am upset."

**"_But I sense that you're not afraid, are you?"_**

"No," Carla says still very much in the daze of truth but not forgetting what she had to do. The fact that Frank Foster was roaming about the Palace right now hunting her like one stalks their prey should be enough to induce fear in her alone. Like Antoinette said, you had to let the fear you felt inside save you; the possibility of horrible things occurring drive you away from fear towards the places you needed to be. But knowing all of this Carla still did not remove her hands from the wall of blood. Perhaps it was the state of shock she found herself in. She knew that it did not change things or what she would have to eventually do tonight. Carla was going to kill a man; she was going to watch Frank Foster bleed. So that adrenaline rush she felt, the one that used to make a panic in fear as a child, was now something she welcomed. "I'm not afraid."

**"_Good, because you don't only ever need to defeat things when you're afraid. None of this changes what needs to happen here tonight."_**

"I'm going to get Frank Foster," Carla whispers.

**"_And what are you going to do once you find him, Caroline?"_**

"I'm going to kill him."

**"**_**And you're not afraid, righ**t?"_

"Never."

**"_And you won't stop no matter how much any of this may get to you? You won't stop until you burn this place to the ground?"_**

"I won't stop until I burn it ground," Carla repeats like she is under the influence of some strange spell. It was quite catatonic in experience.

**"_An axe…get one of the axes still laying around in the old storage room. Get Frank Foster with an axe…"_**

Of course, the Palace had axes somewhere near the kitchen storage. The servants would use them to cut firewood in the winter. She knew the way since she had a general idea that she was hallway of the actual study. It wouldn't take long to navigate her way to were she needed to go since Carla knew the Palace like the back of her hand.

Slowly she broke away from the wall opening and closing eyes until that strange feeling left her and Carla was left to wonder how she got her overcoat completely drenched in blood. Another persona must have come over her because the visions of the children and Antoinette's voice were gone. Antoinette had dragged her from the madness reminding her what she had to get done and why it was important that she did it. This coat however was dragging her down, making her incredibly hot and created a mood for the baby to become reckless and start kicking. It had to be removed immediately as the blood trail would only make it easier for Foster to hunt and track Carla's movements. Thumbing with the many buttons she quickly slides it off and throws it on the ground. Glancing once more down the dark hallway the blood stood as reminder that someone was likely injured and would need her help. But one thing at a time because for now she just needed a strong weapon that could dig into the doctor and get him by surprise. Wiping her bloody hands on the coat she picked herself off the ground making her way down the direction towards the corridors leading to the kitchen wing. Carla grinned slightly thinking how Frank Foster was taken aback earlier when she took a bit out of him, shocked even. Perhaps she had found a weakness or fear of his after all.

_**"An axe, an axe, get him with an axe…"**_

Carla left Antoinette's voice in her wake, running like a mad woman in pursuit of an axe only to miss Liam's echoing calls by a few mere seconds…

* * *

Liam thought perhaps it was all too good to be true when he first heard Carla's voice echoing Antony's name. He had tried to follow the sounds but upon finding the general area from which they came he was only faced with puddles of liquid shining in the dark hallway along with some garment of clothing his eyes were not strong enough to make out laying strewn about. With all this in front of him, Liam had to face the fact that Carla wasn't here. He wanted to venture further down the hallway and see who may be injured but the murmuring of wounded people echoing from the ballroom tugged at his heart. He still hadn't found Phillipa and it didn't make much sense venturing into the unknown when he knew what he was facing back in there; the reality that many still need help having been injured by falling chandeliers and gunshots.

"CARLA?!" he shouts one last time just make sure because if he doesn't check for certain there no way he could forgive himself if something horrible happen to her. There was no answer so he reluctantly turned back towards the corridor connecting to ballroom.

"Liam!" shouts the familiar voice of Tommy Duckworth from behind, "Liam, is that you?"

"Tommy," says Liam relieved to see someone he knew that didn't look injured, "I'm glad you're alright."

"Chaos erupted," says Tommy panting out of breath, "It's like hell on earth has come upon this place tonight. All I see is death and destruction…death on a pale horse"

"We have to proceed with caution," Liam is taking labored breathes clutching instinctively at the pistol in his coat. He needed Tommy to calm down and keep it together. The strong had to help the weak and injured, "Dorscher has become a mad man tonight but we have to help whomever we can get out. It's partly our fault that they have been harmed tonight—"

"—I have to find Tina," says Tommy, "I have to know that she is alive."

"No Tommy! We have to stay together," there were faint screams and cries still as strong and potent as ever coming from the ballroom, "We have to save whomever we can. Staying together increases our chances of surivial."

"I NEED TO KNOW TINA IS ALRIGHT!" Tommy punches the nearby wall in anger.

Liam was not surprised by this action because he got it and he understood it completely. But he needed Tommy to stay because venturing off in time like this all alone was dangerous. He also didn't want the kid to die, which was very likely with Dorscher roaming about and Tommy having no weapon on him for protection. "Look," he says gently, "You can't look for Tina now. You have to stay alive and you'll never know her fate if he somehow kills you. So stay, please."

Tommy calmed down a bit blinking back tears his blue eyes shinning desperately in the darkness before finally he accepts Liam's words, "Fine," he whispers, "Fine, I'll stay."

"Thank you."

"Have you seen Tyrone or Bentley at all?"

"No," says Liam a bit worried about their fate but remembering Bentley Wise considered himself to be strong man capable to taking down governments just by fraternizing Marxists. This was probably nothing compare to what he was used and the P.I was also armed with all the guns he managed to clear out from the study, "But I am sure they'll be fine. Do have anything you can use at all to help protect yourself?"

"No, but I do have some stuff like bandages and so forth…the typical servant stuff to help whoever we can out. There is the issue of light, however."

"Do you have matches?" Liam asked

"Yeah."

"Well then with the fallen chandeliers I'm sure we can find something comparable to an actual wick to see and work our about."

The two men cautiously made there way back into the ballroom. At first Tommy just lit matches letting them run their course as they maneuvered about the room. It was tragic sight and Liam's heart sunk watching, as people barely seemed to be clinging onto life. This was all Antony's doing but it was just as much his due to implementing this setup and being so gleeful when he first heard news Alexander Dorscher would making an appearance. It got to Liam even more that he recognized so many people, had grown up in the same social circles with them and now so many lives had been cut short, and for what? Imagine if they knew this was how they were going to die? In his anger and inescapable grief Liam somehow managed to make out the image of a young girl with brown hair. He recognized her as Amy Barlow, the daughter of Tracey Barlow the one women he could never quite stomach. There was no mistaking that she was in fact dead as the light from one of Tommy's matches loomed over her face. Her eyes were wide open, frozen in a permanent expression of shock. It hit him then, she must been about Giulia's age…he couldn't look at her anymore.

"Just keep on checking to see if people are breathing," Liam says tearing his eyes way from the girl. Momentarily he thought of how Peter would feel when he heard the news his niece died. After all Peter had done for Giulia and Cillian this just didn't seem fair. That's why he turned back and with Tommy's help pulled her lifeless body out from the bits of chandelier fragments that had inevitably sealed her fate. "Let's move her to the side," whispered Liam, "Lets try and be respectful with all the ones we find and move them out of the way."

There were more cries and whispers. With the match light they saw that in the furthest corners of the room there was movement. People were still alive trying to help one another or else huddling up together prepared for when Dorscher would come back. His gunshots however faint and distant were now a permanent fixture.

"We need to help people over here!" comes the voice of a man Liam recognized as gentleman named Kevin Webster, "Somebody? I need all the extra man power I can get."

Liam and Tommy ventured over looking down upon the battered body of Kevin's wife Sally. She had been shot in the leg. Right away Tommy knelt down trying to assist Kevin prop Sally up. Kevin already had his suite jacket wrapped around her shoulders and was now ripping the cloth his dress shirt to try and make a bandage.

"I think someone should try and wire the police—"

"Mr. Trevor Dean tried that," says another gentleman, an orchestra player administering help to one his injured friends, "Dorscher cut all the lines out! No hope of sending any telegrams or receiving any wires from anywhere."

"How far is the next home from here?" says Tommy, "Perhaps or rather I hope that all the people outside will send for someone or at least get in their cars and drive down the country roads to alert someone to come help."

"There wouldn't be much sense in that," says Trevor Dean now making an appearance from God knows where, "What's another household of people to do? Come over so they can all get shot as well?"

Liam glared at him, appalled by the sight of his pompous exterior wanting nothing to do with him but biting on his tongue. The bastard didn't seem too concerned for Giulia who could be anywhere at the moment dying in a corner. But Liam was sure Trevor was more worried about her mother instead. "My friends the Stapes, Fiona and John live quite close to here. I'm sure they have a functioning system that will have no problems sending out wires."

"Of course," says Kevin, "The Stapes! How could I have forgotten them. My Rosie is over there so often—"

"Kevin did Rosie and Sophie get out okay?" whispers Sally feebly pulling Liam from his negative animosity and back into the seriousness of the situation.

They needed to send for help and knowing the self absorb individuals outside he could only venture that most had either fled or settled for gawking at the imploding happens inside from the safety of the outside.

"Yes darling," says Kevin, "They weren't in the ballroom I left them out in the front."

"I can go to the Stapes," Tommy volunteers, "Someone can give me directions."

"That won't be necessary," says Trevor Dean, "I've been there a few times since my stay here at the Palace. I can go the distance."

"Good," says Liam wanting to add that Trevor would do well to get out of his sight forever, "Go on then. Go and get help."

Trevor stared him down for a moment before shaking his head half bewildered and half amused he went on his way.

"Maybe send some people back in on your way out," shouts the unnamed orchestra player after Trevor whilst still attending to his friend.

Liam was glad to see that back of Trevor. He could now focus on helping others

"Poor lad," whispers Kevin, "His father died shortly after Dorscher aimed at Alasdair Gordon. Dorscher came back for more—"

"—Conrad is dead?!" says Liam surprised by this news because Trevor never let on that something so horrible had just occurred.

"Yes," whispers Kevin, "Tragic that he should lose his father on what supposed to be a joyous and happy night. He had a few moments to himself for a good cry, but he's pulling himself together to help anyone that he can. It's like he didn't just see the man that raised him his whole life close his eyes and slip away—"

"—Lets get Sally out of here," says Tommy trying to change the subject away from death, "Let's get her out of here before Dorscher comes to finish us all off."

Liam stood stunned with this news of Conrad's death. From all accounts he had heard the family as a whole were full of pretty decent people. He felt ashamed for having just treated Trevor as he had. And it made sense why he'd want to get away and run to the Stapes, maybe so that he wouldn't have to face the death of his father so completely yet. It probably still hadn't sunk in and Liam realized now that Trevor's eyes had appeared blood shot puffy from crying although his voice was still normal. In fact now that Liam thought about it there had been blood splatter on his face and his suit only Liam refused to acknowledge it. Instead he focused on the things he wanted to. He only saw what he had wanted to see and so he'd done himself and others a great disservice. Slowly Tommy and Kevin took Sally from the room, leaving him behind and others. That's when he heard the cries of the orchestra man; glancing over Liam saw the man closing his friends eyes, the man had just passed on. Just as some people were taking whatever chance at life they could get, people like Sally, others were passing away.

He wouldn't continue to stand there doing nothing and letting death claim more and more innocent people. He had come in here to help and the cries of the man suffering a fresh loss snapped Liam back into action. He vowed to not leave this room until he knew there was some lives he could save. Even it was only one single life, Liam would not let someone who had a chance a living die under his watch. So he searched and searched, called out for people anyone at all capable of conveying their distress while at the same time keeping his eyes open an alert for any small movements.

A pair of blue eyes jumped out at him, peering from beneath chandelier fragments. At first he taught the girl was dead but she blinked sporadically and he knelt down Liam heard her faint moaning. He tried to reach out and touch the fragments move them a bit, but she scared that any movement made would bring further harm her.

"Please don't touch me," she whimpered. Her dark brown hair was matted, plastered to her face and gash oozing immense of blood trickled down her forehead.

"I'm just going to try move it a little…you're crushed."

"No," she cries, "I don't want anyone to touch me," she starts freaking out then as Liam disobeys and attempts to maneuver the fragments.

"Everything is going to be okay—"

"NO! NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

It was obvious she was in a very traumatic state, a state of shock and now Liam had more of an idea why. Fragments were literally stuck in or at least tearing upon parts of her stomach and to move the chandelier all at once would cause a great deal more of pain. Liam needed her to stay still and calm and work with him so he reduce the pain as much as possible.

"Please?" he pleads with the young girl, "Please try and stay calm," his voice was gentle and soothing because when he looked at her he felt she resembled Giulia, they looked around the same age. She could be his daughter, another Giulia in a metaphorical sense. The girl cried more and more so Liam tried to think of ways to get her mind focused on something better," Please don't cry. I'm going to get you out of here."

"No," she whimpers losing steam and become more and more drained by the passing minutes losing coloring in her face, "I don't want to die."

"You're not going to die," whispers Liam crawling over her body so that he could get a position better suited to support her head, "You're not going to die…I won't let you die." Instinctively he grabbed for her hand squeezing it to give her some sort of comfort, "What's you're name?" Liam looks down on her

"Katy," she manages feebly, "Katy Armstrong…"

"Hello Katy. My name is Liam," he says relieved that they have managed to reach a state of relative calmness, "Now I am going to get you out of here alive. I promise," he was decided it was best if he ask her questions about herself, distract her a bit so she wouldn't be in as much shock when he moved her. Liam asked her about her family, her friends, if she had any hobbies all while methodically maneuvering fragments away. From time to time he's ask her if she could manage moving her body in certain way or another.

"Oh my god," she cried as he moved bits of glass out of the way, "Oh my god…"

"It's okay, everything is going to be okay. I need to reach across your stomach now Katy. I need to pull bits of it out so I can pull you from out under. Are you okay with that?"

"No…it's going to hurt me more…"

"No I promise it isn't" Liam says trying to ensure he does not appear confrontational. Then he heard the gunshots that had died down for a time coming back closer. This was a do or die moment.

The Katy girl heard them too and all calmness that he had managed to establish quickly vanished as she panicked at the approaching Alexander Dorscher, "H-he's coming back," she cries in short but throaty breathes, "He's coming to f-finish me off…He's coming to kill me…"

"No, no ,no," says Liam taking to her in paternal voice soft and gentle, "No Katy, I'm not going to let that happen."

"Oh my god—"

"I'm going to have to pull it out, right out. There are no other options. It's okay…everything is going to be okay. Look at me Katy, say it with me—Everything is going—"

"—Everything is going to be okay," she says through cries. Liam nodded his head again encouraging her to say it again, "Everything is going to be okay."

"Good girl," he whispers, "Good girl…that's a good girl." The gunshots were getting closer again. Liam was convinced Dorscher was shooting things for the hell of it now. He listened trying to gauge his distance before focusing at the task at hand. Apart of the chandelier had punctured her stomach and it was the part preventing him from pulling her out. It was grazing her lightly but still capable of causing great pain and loss of blood. Slowly he grasped at it, preparing himself mentally for it, "Good girl Katy…we can do this…we can do this…look at me, I will get you out."

"You're going to get me out?" she whispers feebly childlike needing his confirmation. Her blue eyes danced back and forth between his.

Liam realized it must be so hard to place all your trust in a complete stranger especially when one was vulnerable and she so young. This Katy girl was truly brave in his opinion; most of the adults he knew were incapable of such behavior. The moment of truth… she closed her eyes and clenched her teeth as Liam pulled the chandelier bit out of stomach, "Sorry," he says as she whimpered. Slowly he moved it aside away from her body and dragged her out, "Sorry," he says again noticing the blood gushing from her wound.

"I-it's okay," she manages.

"Can you move Katy? Do you think you can pull yourself up a bit, dragged yourself forward?"

"I think so…"

"Just drag your body a bit, okay? I am going to pull you up and carry you out of here, okay?" Quickly Liam glanced at the entrance to the ballroom. Dorscher could arrive any moment now. Katy moved herself forward throwing herself into his arms and hugging him tight. Liam couldn't help put smile at this show of young innocence. He didn't understand why anyone would ever want to hurt a child. As she cried he slowly removed his suit jacket draping it around her small body. Slowly he lifted himself extending his heel and holding her in his arms, they moved off the ground. Katy wrapped her arms weakly around his neck resting her head on his shoulder.

Looking up at him weakly she managed to utter, "You saved me…you're my guardian angel."

Right away it made him think of Cillian and Cairo. Cillian had called him a guardian angel once too.

A tear slowly feel Liam's cheek as the girl Katy rested her head once more shutting her eyes tight. He felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders but in the same hand a real burden of death on his hands. A guardian angel should make sure everyone is accounted for, that no one gets left behind. He was leaving people behind, a whole room of dead bodies. And so Katy would represent to him for the rest of his life; the possibility of redemption, the chance you had to take when saving a life and that it never be in vain. That was something to learn and take away...he took Katy away from the room. And as he did he went by the lifeless figure of young Amy. Girls like Amy, girls much too young to die; they would represent guilt and failure to protect the innocent, the reality that someone always gets left behind. This is something Liam would carry with him from the room and would carry until the day he died...someone always gets left behind.

The things we carried with us and the things we took away…

* * *

Carla ran frantically down the dark hallways leading towards the kitchens. Antoinette had told her to get an axe from the kitchen storage and there was no time to lose. It was difficult with barely any light to lead the way since whomever was storming the palace had gone out of their way to shoot out almost all light bulbs. Luckily once she had reached the end of the corridor there was a glimmer of light which helped Carla to see which room she needed to gain access to. Spotting the storage area she run forward at maniac speed pulling on the door handle.

"FUCK!" she cursed losing all of her temper. The damn door was locked and she should have known this because the head cook was only one who had the keys on them for this general area. Rattling at the door handle more Carla finally threw herself away glaring at the door raking her brain for other options. The beating of the heart in her chest was the only thing she focused on for a while just trying to figure this whole ordeal out. Nothing would hold her back or break the confidence Carla had established in herself tonight. Still there was that moment of doubt that trickled in from time to time. But she had to make sure Frank Foster would not get the last word, Carla's life depended on it, the baby's life depended on it.

**_"Use your fear and make it power. Use your fear, make it power..."_**

Immediately her eyes fell on block of wood sitting on top of a bunch of piled up craters. She wondered, if she bashed away at the lock long and hard enough if there was a possibly it would fall off. There was no point in attempting not to try and she could throw her whole body into it as well. Weighing it in her hand, Carla took one last look sizing up the lock before she charged at it, hacking at it like a mad woman.

_**"That's it... let it flood through you...let it erupt."**_

Carla was like a warrior, seeing only red as she bashed harder and harder. The adrenaline rush was undesirably strong and the need to survive even greater. She bashed and bashed some more watching as the lock slowly started to separate from the door hinges. She began to put her shoulders into it, trying to bring down the door.

"**_Destroy it...destroy the thing which is sucking the life out of you...throw away the things smothering you...smash them in, Caroline..."_**

The door flew off it's hinges and Carla feel into it before staggering into the air full of space. She grabbed for the light switch which hung on the ceiling tugging at it and at once the whole room lit up. Out of breath but feeling completely strong in every way Carla was not afraid to admit that she liked it, the feeling of this sort power; she liked it very much. Her eyes darted around looking for the place the axe could be and again like apparitions little Tony and Caroline appeared out of nowhere. Carla had a moment of shock observing her own self with those green eyes and long black hair. Caroline didn't speak for a while she just sat on a crate glancing at Tony.

**_"Looking for this?"_**

As always he had that boyish charm and good looks but Tony's eyes always showed his true nature. They were unable to mask his sinister side. The boy was twirling the axe by the handle while the head scraped the floor.

"Yes," Carla says boldly her eyes darting back and forth between the two creepy and unsettling child verisons of her and Antony. Caroline continued to have her head turned away smirking for a while as Tony stop the twirling and extending the axe outward.

**_"Here, take it. The clock is ticking, tick tock."_**

Carla accepted it cautiously glaring at the boy but in no hurry to waste time was on her way out. She stopped just to take what she hoped was the last look at her former self.

**_"Get him good for me, hey?"_**

Carla said nothing, her eyes only dance back on forth between Carolines before nodding her head, 'yes'. Yes, she would get Frank Foster and she would get him good. But like they said the clock was ticking. She'd have to leave them...

**_"Good luck."_**

...But they would always be something that she carried in with her wherever she went as well as something she took away, Caroline would always be apart of her. In laboured breaths once more Carla bolted back down the dark hallway. It took a while for her to place her position in the vastness of the palace but once she found the familiar stretch leading towards the study, Carla finally let out a sigh of relief. Then she hurt sound of gunshots approaching once more. The only solution was to take refuge in the study, it was the safest room made so by Antony in his paranoia many years previous. Using her abandoned coat as a sort of mat Carla avoided much of blood puddles riddling the hallway. Someone must still be injured but more likely dead. Gripping the door handle with one hand and securing the axe in the other, another wave of relief swept over Carla. For the first time in years she secretly thanked Antony for doing something right and leaving the door unlocked. Kicking it aside gently, Carla flicked on the light. Immediately the axe when plummeting to the ground.

"Alasdair?!"Carla's father in law sat crunched up against the side of Antony's desk. He was clutching his chest and Carla traced the trail of blood from the hallway right back to where he laid now. Quickly rushing to him and leaving her weapon at the door, Carla's main concern was for his safety, "Who did this to you? Was it Antony?!"

His breathing was shallow and with what little strength he had left, Alasdair grabbed with one hand at Carla's shoulder bringing her close to him so close she was only inches for his face. His brown eyes stared at her a while and he managed a weak grin before wheezing out, "My son has a rotten soul...but not that rotten...Caroline."

"Then who?" Carla couldn't believe herself but she actually felt tears coming in sake of this man, "Who did this? We need to stop the bleeding. Antony needs to help you-"

"-That's kind of you," Alasdair struggles to bring out words, "How kind you are, Caroline...Carla...But in answer to your question...it was someone looking to settle an old score...sins of the father...sins of the son."

"-I'm going to find Antony."

"...I think my time is up Caroline," he states keeping her eyes, "Just...maybe stay...I don't want to go out in the darkness... I was born it afterall..."

"You we're born in a palace," Carla tries to joke truly sad that it has come to this because really Alasdair seemed to be a man truly capable of change regardless of how late it may have come in life, "This palace, if i'm correct. Wasn't it all sunshine and light back in those days?" she now gripped his hand placed over his chest trying to give a comforting hold.

"...afraid it was always darkness for me...my father before me...his father before him...but you...I was born in the dark, and you merely adopted it..."

"Don't speak such nonsense," Carla is trying her best to blink back tears.

He shrugged his shoulders, "...Giulia...just make sure she gets out okay...make sure she doesn't turn out rotten...Giulia is truly the lightness in this dark world..."

"Giulia la bella," Carla nods her head agreeing with his words, "That's what Antony always says."

"Giulia...la...bella..." Alasdair smiles in faint agreement.

"How touching."

Carla up glances as figure comes into view standing in the doorway, those cold and callous eyes, evil incarnate; Frank Foster. His expression takes pleasure in the Carla's reaction, he can smell the fear on her and he loves it. Using this opportunity he kicks the axe which she had dropped on the floor near the doorway out into the hall and shutting the door in behind him at record speed locking it shut.

"No truer words were ever spoken Caroline," he says striding to them virtually ignoring Alasdair Gordon's presence. He acted like it was a conversation between only the two of them, "Giulia was many, many things. Most of all quite beautiful like her mother, but not the most beautiful. That title still belongs to you."

Carla took a protective stance over Alasdair body as well as to protect her own. Frank laughed, the most evil sickest laugh as he began to touch her hair. Carla knew what he was planning on doing as he try to pull her off Alasdair and Alasdair having seen nothing of Frank's true character until now was smart enough to know that something was not right. He gripped onto Carla, weakly though his efforts still dignified as Frank pulled at the other end, intent on pulling her away from view so he could have his way with her. That wasn't going to happen, not this time around. Carla would be damned if he took away her last ounce of dignity. She had to raise the alarm and so taking a deep breath she exhaled and shouted her lungs off, shouted till she shook the whole house.

"HELP! BLOODY MURDER! HELP! HELP!" she kicked and kicked scratching and clawing at Frank in a power struggle just hoping that someone, anyone would hear.

Another person came over her. Antoinette had come once again to help

"**_Destroy him...destroy him before he sucks the life out of you...don't let him hurt you...smash him in, Caroline...a___****n axe, an axe, get him with an axe…CLAW HIM IN THE EYES!"**

Carla went straight for his eyes, throwing him off onto the floor as Antoinette encouraged her to be brave and use the fear inside to save herself. Carla clawed her finger nails into Frank Foster's face tearing up his skin wherever she could.


	109. Chapter 109

**Thank you for all the reviews last chapter they have all been greatly appreciated.**

**************Also a big thanks to both LoveCarlaConnor as well as dipdipdipmyblueship for all their input in this section :)**

******************************This chapter is rated M.**

* * *

"You've got some anger issues on you, don't you Caroline?" mocks Frank Foster. The doctor had managed to finally overpower Carla and cover her mouth to subdue the screaming. It was only a momentary delay as he had been caught off guard by Carla's vitriol and will to fight. However nothing could keep the doctor at bay for long as he managed to pull Carla's hands from his face in the ongoing struggle and drag her to the opposite end of room out of Alasdair's capable view. Carla continued to kick and kick pressed against the wall, frequently trying to get away only to be violently shoved back down. It was all very amusing to him, this little game of bending her to his will. Frank's eyes shun with unimaginable rage as well as lust contorted into something demonic. She could not let him win; Carla would not let him hold all the power. Extending her leg outward she kicked hard one last time, grimacing at her evil nemesis. The doctor caught her by the ankle, his hands creepily massaging it and delighting in all the contempt springing from her body language. His was a look of warning and amusement, "Just how powerful do you think you are Caroline?" The doctor crouches close to her on the wall his face inches from Carla's that she can feel his hot breath. Cupping her chin, Frank commands full attention.

"Hopefully strong enough to kill you," Carla manages to spit back. Looking at the indentation left on his hand earlier from the staircase brawl she smirked a little, "Care for another one?" Opening her mouth wide she gave another simulation of clamping down causing him surprisingly to move his hand away quickly. It would seem the doctor had a weak spot after all.

"Well if that's the best you got," Frank says trying to save face in this moment of surprise, "I'm afraid it's not enough, regrettably."

"That's must be why you drew your hand away so quickly—"

"-Caroline?" the voice of Alasdair Gordon whisper feebly from across the room. He sounded weaker than ever and gravely scared for himself and her safety as well, "Caroline... are you there?"

Carla was worried about him. He would bleed to death if he didn't receive medical attention now and the clock was ticking. She was about to answer as he pleaded for her once more but Frank quickly put a stop to it, covering her mouth.

"Caroline?" whisper Alasdair feebly once more.

"She's right here," says Frank ever so sweetly. His eyes roamed over her body stopping on her stomach grinning at her condition and seeing for himself the conformation of pregnancy that the dress could not hid, "I'm attending to her most 'indelicate of conditions'. Everything will be alright," he smirks, "I'll just attend to this and then I will be with you shortly."

"I…want Caroline…in…a place where I-I c-can see her…I want Caroline's help..."

"In a moment, Alasdair, " says Frank rolling his eyes at Carla expressing annoyance like she would agree with him on the matter. She opened her mouth to attempt another scream again but Frank clamped his hand down harder, "I wouldn't make a sound if I were you," he hissed again glancing at the visible baby bump, "How long have you kept this little secret, hmm?" Carla didn't answer; she would answer him if her life depended on it, "Caroline?"

"Please just me attend to Alasdair. If you won't do it yourself-"

"-You're right I won't," Frank nods his head jovially in agreement about the lack of responsibility felt towards others.

"Then please, won't you let me?"

"I'll consider it," he says cooly, "But first things first," again he gestures towards her stomach area, "Is it his? Is it your precious little Liam's?"

His voice conveyed pure jealously and his eyes complete possessiveness. He looked murderous in fact that she almost afraid to answer but she gathered up the courage to finally bite back. Carla could take advantage of his misplaced affections which were a great sickness and get Frank where it truly hurt.

"_**Get him where it hurts…"**_

"The one and only," she manages to finally utter her voice getting more powerful as she continued along, "The love of my life, Liam Connor."

For a moment there is complete silence and Carla takes in all the sounds of the room, the sound of the ticking clock cascading through her ear drums waiting for him to explode at this revelation like the volcano Frank often was. He seemed to consider the words, 'Liam Connor' used in the same sentence with 'love of my life' and Carla realized as an evil smirk slowly overtook his features that he too would get her where it hurts. He too, knew her weakness now.

"I should have killed him along time ago," Frank whispers, "I would have loved to have the opportunity to see the life being sucked out of him," he went off on erratic tangent then motivated by Carla's disgust and horror, "The soul, they used to say it was contained in the persons eyes...nothing like it, like seeing life drain away when you watch the eyes. And his are such a beautiful blue," Frank taunts, "If you could see your own eyes now...they tell me everything"

" You wouldn't dare touch him. You evil good for nothing-"

"I think that's enough talking for now," he says clamping his hand on her mouth once again, "That's manners for a whore! Are you're not whore are you Caroline?" he mocks practically undressing her with his eyes.

She shoved back against him violently again trying to break away she succeed this time getting further than she had before only to have him pull her back in utter frustation, "HEL-"

"We'll be having none of that," he says turning her over on her back and pinning her against the floor like it was almost to easy. The force of it all almost knocked the wind out of her and the baby started kicking furiously. Again his look was cocky and full of joy at the amount of pain he was causing Carla. Her eyes watered as she attempted to knee him in the crotch but failed miserably as pain shout throughout her back, "So you like to play rough do you? You must be something wild in bed with your little lover boy. Must be the only reason he comes back for damaged goods...rolled hard and put away wet...just like your precious little Giulia. What respectable man would her now?"

Carla lost it at the mention her daughter again. She clawed him, unleashed in anger wanting to destroy him. She would destroy him, "I am going to kill you you bastard! One day you're going to get everything you deserve!"

"Far better than you have sworn to do the same Caroline. Go look for them now!" He grabbed a handful of hair and pulling her head forward he proceeding to let it go and smash into the ground, "I play much rougher darling and you'd do best not to cross me!"

"Burn in hell," Carla choked back tears her voice was coarse and weak she could barely even speak and that must have been what he intended all along. He didn't Carla to be able to scream for help. She tried to speak so more but everything seemed to leave her, her voice and all her strength. The pain of Giulia just made her want to shut down. The grief of her suffering had been so much, that Carla became immobile. She felt him, sensed him standing over her and was preparing for the worst. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she stared off across the distance of the carpet. She could spot Alasdair leg from here and she wondered if he was now died because he gotten so quite, everything had gotten much more quite that she only heard the sound of the ticking clock...

"Much better," whispers Frank, "I mush prefer a woman when she's not talking. I think I may use the opportunity for a little story time, what do you think? Do you enjoy stories Caroline?" She said nothing while he proceeded to stroke her head of hair gently tucking some behind her ear. He wasn't really waiting answer only taunting, "I tell some wonderful stories. In stories you can see what's coming **but **you can't see** everything** that's coming. Perhaps I'll start with Giulia's story, but it will be rather predictable for you, don't you think? Perhaps then, will go with Antony's. His is much more enthralling and things have so many twists it leaves the listening and scratching their head wondering, wishing they had listened to Antony when he said, **'You don't know everything you saw'**. Frank grinned as Carla managed to finally turn her head weakly and look up at him in horror at the familiarity of those words. He knew exactly what she was going to ask and he answered it for her, "Who do you think told him those words first Caroline? Who do you think created your lovely husband as he is today?"

"No," Carla mutters. It hadn't really sunk in it yet all that the doctor was implying. But as he gripped hold of her once more and raised her up to be within inches of his face, Carla knew he was the real mastermind all along. The greatest evil of them all, "No..."

"Yes," he says nodding his head, "I did everything Caroline. I am the greatest puppet master of all and Antony Gordon is the my greatest of creations. Now you're going to sit still and not make a single sound. And do you want to know why?"

From behind Carla could see Alasdair's leg twitching from behind and flood of emotions rushed through her. He wasn't dead yet, which meant there was hope and the situation even more dier. Carla had to play calm and strike when Frank least expected, her eyes darted about the room looking for any possible weapons but quickly went back to his own, trying to give him the impression that he was in complete control. Frank feed off of her weakness, he had beaten her down purposely by alluding to all that he had done to Giulia. But what he didn't know was that Antoinette had taught her to used her fear and make it power. She'd let him go with the idea that she was weak and that he held all the cards. But Carla would strike when the time was right, seeing Alasdair having signs of movement brought her back to life again and reminded her why she had to fight. For now however, Carla would remain helpless, "Why?" she uttered giving her best scared voice, "Why, then?"

"Because if you don't," he sneers, "I make sure the last thing you see is me ripping that baby growing inside you out from your stomach! I make sure you watch every second of it. Is this in anyway unclear, Caroline?"

You could not fake that evil which Frank possessed and Carla could not fake that sort fear she was feeling for the baby's sake. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around her stomach in a protective shield at the mercy of this crazy doctor, "No," she finally whispers, "No it isn't."

"Good, now shut your eyes Caroline," he smirks slowly pulling out a knife he must have had concealed in his pocket all along, "This story is much better when told and heard in the dark."

* * *

Liam was surprise if not somewhat disgusted by the amount of gentlemen, perfectly able men that where suppose to be the epitome of respectable society just waiting about on the Palace grounds doing nothing as chaos erupted inside. Some were either trying to get there cars started so they could flee and had not been able to up to now or else others were content on just watching events unfold from the safety of the outside. This blase attitude however did not stop almost every single person huddled about on the property from giving horrified gasps as Liam appeared outside clutching Katy Armstrong in his arms.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted a man whom people crowd quickly identified as Katy's boyfriend Chesney Brown and his friend Fiona's brother, "KATY! KATY! Is she alright?" he says rushing forward and addressing Liam.

"She will be if she gets medical attention," says Liam gently setting the girl down on the steps, "We need a bloody doctor!" Liam found it hard that there wouldn't be a single doctor about as this was the engagement gala for a doctor's own daughter, "One of these cowards must be a bloody doctor!"

"HEY!" shouts Maria Sutherland having Liam's remarks was now ready to take charge. Immediately she rounds on a group of gentlemen gathered close by, marching by each one as staring them down before settling on one man in particular who was haughtily observing the chaos and surroundings with use of monocle," You!" Maria point's dramatically at his chest, "Are you a physician? You seem like you'd be a physician!"

The man with the monocle looked around as though he was hoping she was addressing someone else. However once he knew the 'dumb act' wasn't bought and there was no escaping he quickly caved in and answered, "Well if you must know, the name is Doctor Matthew Carter and I'd prefer it if you didn't point. Also i was under the impression that I was here to enjoy a soiree-"

The group of gentlemen nodded there heads in agreement at this passionate display of snobbery and little regard for other peoples well being, "Too right you are Matthew!"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Liam flew off the handle witnessing the whole exchange. He rushed down the steps ready to punch the one Doctor Carter. Luckily Maria and a few other bystanders caught him in time.

"He's not worth it!" Maria tries to reason with Liam, "It's obvious no one here has an ounce of human compassion in their body!"

"The whole group of them are physicians!" shouts another voice somewhere amongst all the yelling.

Liam had had enough. If they wouldn't move, he would make them. This was no joking matter, "GET INSIDE OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL SHOOT YOU ALL LIKE DOGS!" he reached for the pistol in his jacket pointing it all of them. He had never seen such a bunch of low human beings but then it shouldn't be a surprise if they all somehow knew Antony, "DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN!"

"But there is a gunman in there!" shouts one of the men standing next to Doctor Carter, "You're mad!"

"He can shoot you out here indefinitely or you can take your chances in there!" shouts Maria. A mob was now forming around the physician's.

"I can have you bastards disbarred for your unethical behaviour if it's the last thing I do!" shouts a random women in the crowd, "We're all the witnesses!"

"STOP THE INSANITY!" shouts Steve MacDonald, "THE WORLD HAS GONE COMPLETELY MAD!"

"You've seeing it here first!" adds his friend Lloyd, "All civilization has falling apart once the doctors won't even help!"

The Doctor Matthew Carter holds his ground, "I am more of a psychoanalyst! I don't do that sort of medicine-"

"Get in there now!" shouts Paul appearing out of nowhere and taking the doctor by the back of his collar pushing him forward violently. Liam was grateful to have his brother coming to his aid. It worked as the Doctors now surrounded by a group of other indignant guests angry at them keeping for ever having kept their occupations shrouded in mystery demanded they do their duty at once, "Or I'll make sure you never practice again! I'll break your legs!"

"We all will!" shouts Maria, "I will bash your knees in with a rock!" Steve and Lloyd as well as a few others in the group started to pick up small rocks stuck in the snowy drive way. It was enough to send the doctors running towards the Palace or to aid an injured Katy and Sally once they realized they had nowhere else to go.

Liam had to smile at the results. Everyone had come together and it worked but still there much left to do and no time to waste

"Liam, what can we do?" says Maria, "I feel so helpless just standing outside here and mother isn't making any of it easier when she is trying predict which friends are dead." Others in the group were wondering the same.

"I don't know. I think that were going to need as many weapons as possible. Dorscher is such a mad man right now and if comes outside and starts shooting people ought to have something in which to defend themselves-"

"We've been trying to get away," says another gentleman in the group, "The cars are being difficult! Worst of luck! Perhaps if we stayed in our cars we could protect ourselves."

"Do whatever you want!" snaps Liam, "But don't start crying when family members turn up dead in the morning." He pushed through the mod headed towards the steps. Paul and Maria where at his heels.

"Liam?" Maria says anxiously again

"You can stay here. Maybe gather a group of women together...I don't know, Trevor Dean took off to the Stapes home to send out a wire. Maybe you can a few other ladies could take some of the cars that are working and go other estates just incase he isn't successful."

"Alright and what are you going to do?"

"I'm going back in. I still have to find Phillipa and Carla-"

"-I'm coming with then," says Paul slapping Liam's back supportively, "I can look for Phillipa while you establish whether Carla got out safe. Are you armed?"

Liam opened up his dress coat revealing a pistol, "Did you not see me pointing it at those fucking loser doctors?! And are you?"

"Nope but father is bound to have a gun and he will give it to me-"

"I will do no such thing!" booms the voice of Fionnbrath Connor appearing as he pushes his way through crowds of people, "You young men are coming home with me!"

"NO!" shouts Liam surprised his father even had nerve to try tell him what he should do in a moment like this, "I am not going anywhere!"

"Nor am I!" shouts Paul presenting a united front.

"Yes you are!" says their father attempting to grab at the sleeves of their coats, "No son's of mine are dying in some wreck like this! I have a business to run and a legacy to uphold! Who would I give such fortunes to in my old age if both of you were gone?!"

"Cillian, perhaps?" suggests Michelle weakly being dragged into the argumentative situation by the elbow thanks to their mother.

"HE'S FIVE MICHELLE! FIVE! How can I trust that when I am gone the fortune won't be squandered! His mother might try to take the money for herself!" he couldn't help but insult Carla's character.

"Do hear yourself right now father?!" says Liam. He could not believe that with all the crying and panic going on inside that this was his fathers first and only concern, money. He could believe the insults directed at Carla because his father would always think of her for the adulterous relationship she had while married to Antony but he not have her insult the mother of his child, "You will not say anything about her! You will not speak her name, father!"

" You will not talk to me like that young man!" he wags his finger in Liam's face, "You will all come with me this instance or there will be hell to pay!"

"Think of your family!" cries their mother, "My own father died in the Boer war! I don't want anymore blood shed due to gunshots," she adds dramatically

"We are thinking of family!" shouts Paul, "Incase you haven't noticed mother, our cousin Phillipa, your niece is missing and so is Cillian's mother! You think we're just going to let them die now, are you?"

Liam was surprised yet again by his brothers strong show of support in this. Never before in all their years would Paul talk to their mother as he had then and now. It was utterly amazing the sort of person he had become and Liam couldn't be more proud of his right convictions.

"People die everyday-" starts off Elleanora unfazed by the outburst, "Some people are born more equal than others...Phillipa will be alright. She'll show up, God doesn't let our sort of people die so cruelly..."

"Oh shut up MOTHER!" snaps Michelle now, "You know what brothers, we don't have to listen to them talk this nonsense any longer! Let's go!"

"You will not, you will not go!" shout's Fionnbharth, "If you go I shall disinherit you all!"

"You'll be lucky if you have something in which to give us father much less keep for yourself," says Michelle turning away and rounding on their father once more, " But if not for our Liam, your stupid friend Antony Gordon would have sucked you dry years ago. lucky we stopped that devious doctor because if giving a second chance I would not do it again! NOT FOR YOU!"

With one last glare Liam and his siblings shoved past their parents and ran up the stairs all the more proud that they each stood up to there parents and told them how it was. They weren't worth anything now, not a second thought, if they could so selfishly think of ditching their own niece in all this chaos. it was utterly repulsive the colours they had shown tonight.

"Liam!" shouted the familiar voice of the P.I. Bentley Wise from behind. Liam was actually relieved to see him and know that he was still alive.

"Bentley, you got out fine!"

"Of course I did as did Mr. Dobbs."

Tyrone appeared at Bentley's side, 'We've got everything set up for the fire," he blurts out before quickly covering his mouth upon spotting Paul looking upon both men curiously. Liam did quick introductions. "Okay so what's the plan then? Obviously we need more men back inside and men with guns. Dorscher needs to be taking out!"

"I can get on that!" the P.I. smiles broadly opening his coat to the array of pistols stolen from Antony's study.

"I'm going to need one of those," says Paul.

"AND I!" shouts Kevin Webster running over to join the group accompanied by Tommy.

"As am I," Tommy adds.

"We should spilt up into groups around the house in specific sections," suggests Kevin, "I can take the ballroom."

"I will join you because I am looking for Phillipa and that's last where she was according to Michelle," adds Paul.

"Then I will take the kitchens,' says Bentley before whispering to Liam, "That's where the explosives had been set up out back of course."

"Fine," says Liam, ''I need to go for an area where Carla will likely be-"

"-I last saw her heading upstairs," says Michelle, "She managed to break away from me."

"Then I'm taking the upstairs."

"I'm coming!" Michelle says grabbing onto Liam's shirt, "I'm coming with you!"

"No you're not! You're staying here like all the other women. The men should do this work and Thomas would never forgive me if I let his wife get hurt! I would never forgive myself for my sister getting hurt either!"

"I am coming. I can take care of myself!"

"MICHELLE SINEAD CONNOR!" snaps Paul glaring her with all the cold authority that could only some from the eldest sibling, "You stay where you are or I will shot you in the legs so you can't walk, do you understand me?!"

"Fine!" Michelle cries knowing better than challenge Paul when gave her that special look.

"If want to do something useful and feel like you're helping go and find Samuel, Thomas anyone of our friends at all and tell them to get there butts into the ballroom and help. In fact I will leave you organize some volunteers. We need to find things to help with wounds and someone to supervise the doctors. Once Maria's done organizing some of the women to send telegrams she'll be able to help. Can you do this for me?"

"Oh course Liam-"

With hug and a kiss on the forehead Liam was on his way into the house shooting up the grand stair case in search of Carla. He prayed to God for sake of the baby he found her quickly this time. Reaching the top his eyes quickly fell upon a journal that seemed out of place just to be strewn along floor and not have been picked up by a servant. Slowly bending down he pick it up and opened it reading the inside cover,_ 'Property of Giulia Cecilia Gordon'_. Then he raised his eyes forward down the direction of the long dark hallway. A silhouette was standing at the end and he was caught off by surprise as it pointed a gun at Liam aiming straight for the heart.

"So you've found it which means Carla is not with you either, from the look on your face right now."

"Antony?" says Liam caught off guard but reaching for the gun inside his pocket. He had been waiting for this moment. The man was a coward. It was so typical that he'd be hiding upstairs while everyone else was struggling to survive.

Antony ignored him instead inching closer and closer whilst holding out his hand, "Now hand it over, hand over my daughters diary right now!"

"What did you do with Carla?! I'm not handing over anything until you tell me what you did with Carla!"

"That wasn't a request Connor! It's an order! Don't make me shoot!"

Liam wasn't afraid and he could tell from the expression on his enemy's face that the diary must mean something important. It was probably harbouring yet another secret, "I'm willing to take my chances," quickly Liam pulled his gun pointing it Antony with just as much fury, "I think it's I shot you for all the times you caused my family and Carla pain!"

With that Antony came at Liam charging and Liam did the same plummeting the diary down the staircase so his nemesis couldn't get to it and all his other secrets in this fight to the death.


	110. Chapter 110

**A/N: Just pointing out that there will be some extremely offensive views on women present in this chapter. Things which are said by a certain character are said to reveal his demented ways of thinking and serve as representation of his warped world views. Just thought I'd give a heads up as the chapter is violent / has a lot of swearing/includes references to rape and therefore has a rating of M. Thank you to all who give such regular support/ for all who have reviewed/faved/ followed etc. as well as all mentions on twitter.**

* * *

"You think you're so tough, don't you?!" growls Antony throwing punches at Liam while he does the same, "That little trick with my daughters diary will cost you, you fucking bastard!"

"It will cost you more," says Liam kicking Antony off him and quickly grabbing him by the head intent on smashing his skull in, "What? Did your daughter write some nasty stuff about you? Did the pages reveal your true nature and what she really thought about you all these years? TRUTH MUST HURT!"

**SMASH**

Liam looked on proudly as his enemy's skull banged into the floor. Liam used this opportunity to unarm the psychopath once and for all. Antony recovered quickly however and in light of being disarmed in all his rage attempted to grab at Liam's neck in an effort to strangle him.

"Funny coming from you!" he glares attempting to overthrow Liam and get him in a headlock, "What's the truth about you? What does Liam Connor really want? Is it just my wife, I wonder? Or should I throw in the house too?"

"I don't give a bloody fuck about your estate," says Liam pushing at his face and kicking in an effort to give Antony some crippling blows.

"Oh no?!" Antony replies sarcastically, "You just care about _**fucking **_my wife instead!"

"WIFE IN NAME ONLY!"

"It's been established already that you perform all the other husbandly duties, you bastard! I should shoot off your balls right now!"

"With what gun?!" Liam mocks managing to pry Antony's hands away from the general vicinity of his neck, "Last time I checked I disarmed you, you piece of shit!"

"YOURS!" Antony screams throwing open Liam's coat and attempting to get his pistol, "SWEET POETIC JUSTICE!"

Liam wasn't going to let that happen he quickly threw a punch, really laying it in until he saw blood and Antony went staggering a bit backwards. It was his sweet success and justice, "And that's for Carla! Care for another one?"

Antony started laughing whilst he touched his spilt lip, "You call that a punch? What a pansy you are! Best to keep the manly pursuits to the real gentleman, eh!"

"I was man enough for your wife!" Liam says unable to help himself at rubbing it in and still a bit peeved that Carla would ever be calling for Antony instead of him in a moment of crisis.

"Say that again you bastard, I dare you!" Antony ran forward tackling Liam to the ground. It sent them both tumbling down the stairs

"Carla belongs to me Antony! She's made it clear plenty of times many of which required no speaking! You're just so jealous, I know you've hurt her! You've hurt her you bastard and have locked Carla away somewhere!"

"I haven't hurt anyone you fucking shit! I was looking for my WIFE!"

"What for?!" Liam says not believing a word he said, "What would you be looking for Carla for? She wants nothing to do with you! You think you know her so well, bragging about her in all those letters; but you nothing about caring and you know nothing about what it means to truly love someone." In the back of his mind however, he thought back to Carla shouting for Antony and he wondered what for. It still nawed at his mind.

Antony laughed in their struggle that had finally left them at the bottom of the steps on the hard floor. Still there was fighting going on as each man was just as determined as the other to have the last word, "So you've read a bunch of letters and somehow you think you have me figured out, do you?"

"I don't need to figure you out. I know what you are!"

"You know what you think me to be," Antony pants almost out of breath from all that fighting, "Unfortunately thinking is not the same as knowing, least of all when it concerns people like you. I have a far superior mind to you Liam."

"Don't flatter yourself," Liam says noticing Antony's eyes flickering in the direction of the diary now spread the distance across the floor, "You're not a smart as you think you are." He made it his goal to get to it before Antony did.

"Maybe so," Antony whispers a thin smirk coming across his mouth, "But you're definitely just as transparent as I always figured you to be. I had you figured out long before the first time we ever met. Your playboy days were legendary to the society life. Tracy Barlow supplied the epitome of countless stories about the infamous philandering Connor brothers. Carla always paid them stories no mind, but I listened...I always do. I wonder, how does it feel to know my Caroline paid you no mind the first time she heard about you? She didn't even make the connection that fateful June day. You were a non-entity long before hand and yet from the moment you laid on eyes on her...so predictable, she was everything to you."

"You seem very proud of yourself," Liam spits back in disgust, "You seem very proud of the fact that you basically devised to prostitute Carla out and treat her like a piece of property."

"Yeah, yeah," Antony nods in mocking still pinning Liam down and trying to get at his gone whilst still eyeing the diary, "I am horrible person! But it worked didn't it? You're the high paying customer, you liked what you saw and what she was selling. Couldn't keep your hands off of her, I thought you'd grow tired—"

"—Well I didn't! You couldn't predict that with your 'superior' mind. You didn't count on us actually falling in love with one another." Liam was onto his game; Antony was trying to rile him up in anger enough and in a moment of distraction rush to retrieve the diary. Well it wasn't going to work.

"Carla was nothing hard to figure out. I knew where her affections would fall. You, however were the real surprise. I thought you would have grown tired, had a few bites of the forbidden fruit and then move on. Shame you didn't walk away while you still could because now I am going to kill you."

"You're forgetting who has a gun and who doesn't," Liam smirks grinning as he fondly remembers just how easy it had been to disarm his enemy.

Tony knelt over him going for the neck, "And your forgetting who has killed plenty of men with these iron clad hands!" He was trying to hold down Liam whilst at the same time attempting to grab for his gun

"All talk and no substance," Liam retorts. Throwing off his hands and immediately and reaching for his gun in his pocket, he quickly twirled his body around on his stomach and made a break for the diary. He was going to get it back and have leverage. Liam was curious as to what Giulia had written in it.

Antony knew his game, he was a good mind reader after all and at the same time attempted to go for it. The look that came over his face indicated that whatever was written in the diary was of great importance and Liam didn't want to miss out on this rare chance of leverage. As he crawled away and try to extend his body upward in a sprint, Antony tackled him over like a mad man.

"NO!" Antony shouts, "NO YOU DO NOT! You do not get to see what's in my daughters diary!"

"Why?" says Liam slowly getting it within inches his grasp, "Afraid of what it will reveal about you? Don't worry there is nothing in this world that could ever make me forget just what type of a man you are. You're a monster!" Finally he captured it and kicking Tony off he stood up quickly pointing the gun right at Antony's forehead. For the first time ever, Antony had played in a game where he had not foreseen every possible outcome. In his mind, it would have Liam at the end of barrel never himself as that was not an option; but as fate would have it Antony was at deaths door and shockingly he had nothing to say. His brown eyes only stared back and forth between Liam and the gun.

"Go on and shoot me then?" he finally glares

"I intend to. In fact that was my only goal all of this night. Dorscher seemed to have the same pursuit in mind but instead went crazy on all the others. That's innocent blood on your hands coward! Any last words Gordon? Are you ever going to be man enough to apologize for all the shit you put Carla through?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you," he whispers, "You're not worth the time or energy. Just know that I know you. I know that once you pull the trigger you'll be no better than me. I BE SAVING YOU A SPOT IN HELL! No Carla for you in heaven either!"

"I'll be a hero. I'll have save Carla and Giulia both from your cruelty. God will forgive—"

"—Look at you, Mr. Morality," he laughs, "So naïve …you're like a child. You think you're the example for what's good in the world, the little poster boy? You think your reasons for killing are so just? Are you forgetting who it was that sneakily swooped in and stole my wife? That you only have bits of the story, and what you do know is nothing to go by at all when person telling you these things about my world is one faulty little narrator. Caroline's views are not exactly reliable, now are they? Everyone has an agenda, even you should know no story is ever told without a purpose. If knowing this, you still decide to shot me, you'll be just bad as I am."

"I have every reason to believe what Carla says about you," Liam says still pointing the gun, "And as for bits of the story, I think I have a pretty idea of all the scheming that went down once I read the letters in your book tucked away with the pistol in the study." He wouldn't have Antony Gordon try and win him over with all this morality talk when the man possessed none himself. He probably thought he was being smart, that he knew Liam and therefore would appeal to the fact that Liam actively sought to be unlike him, Antony. And while that was usually the case, Liam was willing to take the risk of his humanity this time for his family's sake.

Before Antony could get a retort in they heard a faint noise, a scream that with each passing second got louder and louder and more distinct that they could soon make out what they hearing. They both looked away in the source of its direction and back at each other at the same time.

"Carla?!" They said in unison. Her screaming was unmistakable and coming from the direction of the hallway leading to the study. The instinct of protection set in immediately for Liam as he quickly his gun away from Antony now intent on getting Carla out of here. Without a second thought Liam was on his way, somehow killing Antony right then and there didn't matter when all he wanted was for Carla to be safe. He couldn't believe how much time he spent over a diary he dropped at a drop a that when he could have been looking for his love instead.

"Carla!" he shouts as he runs down the dark hallway, "Carla!"

"LIAM!" her voice utters getting louder and louder at each approaching step. Her voice is choking back the tears, "LIAM!"

"CARLA!"

"LIAM, I'M IN HERE LIAM!" her voice booms behind the study door. From the way it keeps cutting off he can tell Carla is in a struggle and someone is trying to silence her.

"CARLA!" he rushed for the door handle trying to unlock it jiggling it in his hands but it was no use as the room was lock. Still holding his pistol he look at the door before slowly leveling his eyes to the floor where he also spotted an axe.

"LIAM! FRANK FOSTER HAS ME. HE'S GOING TO—"

"Hold on Carla!" he shouts. The situation became absolutely dire once he knew that sick Doctor was inside with her. A thousand things went through his head wonder what he may do to her, "I'm going to get you out of there!". Liam threw himself into door but it wouldn't budge. He prayed her sake that she wasn't anywhere near the door because he had it in mind to aim a few bullet holes in the door before picking up the axe and smashing it down. Glancing back only briefly to see where his nemesis disappeared to, Liam saw Antony's feet quickly disappear down the corridor leading to the ballroom. So much for him every doing anything decent, that man would escape the first chance he got. And think Carla was at one time calling his name in all the panic, taking a deep breath Liam look at the door and raise the gun taking aim. He plastered it with a handful of bullets at once until there were none left before rushing with the axe and like a different person all together came over him, Liam ran at the door like a manic hacking it down.

When push comes to shove he would do anything to save the woman he loved and his unborn child. What motivated him the most was the knowledge that he would hack that despicable human being who called himself a doctor to pieces once he broke through to the other side.

* * *

"I've disposed of many little brats in my time. I'm sure you've heard about the maid? Your cousin's engagement gala, 1910, I believe. It's of legendary if not of great importance regarding the mythos your husband has constructed around himself. Who do you think coached him to that point Caroline?" Frank Foster mocks holding the knife to Carla's stomach as he engages in his own twisted version of 'story time'.

He knew Carla was aware of that whole incident. In January of 1920 when Antony had attempted to drown her in the tub he had told her all about the maid he had raped at the hotel, how he had took her out by the lake and attempted to drown her before adding he had enough practice to drown Carla instead. The maid eventually committed suicide and Alasdair shoved it all under the rug. She shuddered just trying to make a connection between that man present and so angry over his own daughters rape today and that cruel man back in 1920; the Antony that barely made any attempts to cover up his crimes from the eight year old Giulia and housekeeper Libby barging into the bathroom. Antony saw things differently because Giulia was his daughter, but that maid had been somebodies daughter, Maria's cousin had been somebodies daughter, Carla had been somebodies daughter. Carla said nothing to acknowledge her familiarity with the story.

_**"Keep quite for now Caroline, don't say a word just yet. Let him think he has all the power with his stories...remember he can sense your fear...don't let him effect you..."**_

Carla listened to Antoinette's advice. She would not give any clues as to her real feelings and in all the courage she could muster she would stare at those soulless brown eyes with a look of indifference. She wanted to make things clear that he wasn't worth her time, after tonight most especially; but that the greatest pain she could give this man was that he meant absolutely nothing to Carla from this moment on and never had. It would break his twisted little heart to know what she had no feeling for him as far as love and hate combined.

"It's a simple story really about a boy who no father figure to love him and no mother except in a distant and long forgotten memory, memories he created for himself," Frank whispers her soulless eyes roaming over Carla as he delicately touches her hair, "That's what really created the monster that did what he did with the maid all those years ago. He had admirable traits, all the right traits... I only helped him to discover the path he was destined for."

Carla couldn't help but be absolutely floored by this all. She knew both men were evil but never did she think the evil was so closely connected. Carla always thought they were entities onto there own. It was crazy to think how Frank could have planted the seeds all these years ago unbeknownst to the all seeing and all knowing Patriarchal might of Alasdair Gordon. And Carla hated herself for wanting to know just how he did it and why? How could he have messed with so many peoples minds. Even more she wanted know how someone could get past Antony, make him feel like he was in control when essentially wasn't the mastermind and never had been. Frank Foster was truly the embodiment to most of 'the stranger beside you'.

"The year was 1908, Caroline; many, many years gone then since Antoinette Gordon wasted away under the care of my uncle Doctor Sebastian Francis Foster's treatment-I am sure the letters you snooped through filled you in a bit about the naive nature of my uncle," he leered letting it sink once more that he some how knew everything everyone did that included Carla's discovery of old correspondence in the library. After a few seconds he continued, "-that was the year I first met face to face with a young little lad named 'Antony Gordon'. He was a disturbing little boy, Caroline...with strange little anecdotes , so un-emotive even less so than expected of boys in our society. I would on behalf of Alasdair and my uncle attend to him on house calls from time to time. He was having trouble, punching holes in the walls and sleepwalking at night, talking about hearing voices and what not. I swear, Caroline," Frank Foster laughed cooly, "I thought him criminally insane until I realized it was just his nature. The voices and sleep walking went away eventually, that just came with 'Paradise Palace' Alasdair informed me. What was left though was a deep hatred. Little Tony told me how he liked to make things hurt, people hurt most especially his father for all horrible things Alasdair did to him. Antony's father had sent his loving governess away, had told so cruelly about the fate of his mother smashing her skull open on the concrete and then once having done cruel things like this, Alasdair would go back to virtually ignoring him. Antony said Alasdair would flinch at the mere sight of him and shudder in disgust."

"Don't tell me you actually had compassion?" Carla almost laughed forgetting Antoinette's advice of keeping calm and indifferent as well as the knife that was pressed against her stomach.

"No," Frank whispered, "On the contrary I saw only potential, the potential that exists in all of us to discover our own true self. I see often with those who are beaten down, they rise up eventually and get angry. It's a kill or be killed sort of world and surivive you have to be the last one standing. That is strength and that is true respectability...everything should know it's place. I long ago realized I was put on this earth to exert my power and will over others-"

"You're mad."

The knife pressed against Carla's dress harder, Frank continued, "No Caroline, there is a natural order of things and those who don't abide by it won't fair well in this world. If anything I was doing Antony a huge favour. It was his nature, 'why change it?', I thought. Shouldn't he be able to embrace who he was and be allowed to discover it? I honestly believed even back then he was destined for great things."

"Raping women?! Killing my servants Mary and Libby?! Pushing Tina down a flight of stairs so she'd lose the baby?!" Carla's eyes widened in absolute disgust. She was not doing so well at keeping her feelings underlock. She could not even convince herself she was indifferent with sort of sick rationalizing that was coming out of his mouth, "That's your definition of 'great things'?"

He ignored her continuing on with his story. The look on Foster's face was one of proudness, "I had to wait for the right moment in time to swoop in and gain young Antony's confidence. I'm sure you know from experience that confidence is of that upmost importance when establishing trust with the young and impressionable," he winked then referring to the times Carla and him had spent playing piano together at the asylum, "1910 was the year Antony Gordon embarked on a trip to the Belgian Congo under Alasdair's strict instructions and commands. The trip was supposed to go smoothly and cement viable and measurable approval in his fathers eyes. But something happened, Antony returned home early that year; more disturbed and dishevelled than ever; muttering nonsensical stuff about the savages hands being cut off by machetes. I was surprised he didn't know that's what happens on these plantations with all those slaves. I mean this information was common knowledge but so too was the fact that his father now thought him weak and unmanly for not being able to handle it. Yet he was surprised by both outcomes and still very much unaware of how the world works. Antony moaned to me about feeling so powerless to do anything to stop it, how he had tried to help a young African boy around his age at the time and then-," he made a comical hand gesture demonstrating hands being cut off. Smirking at Carla's disgust he added, "-then the natural order of things happened and the hand went **'chop' 'chop'**. Needless to say the whole jungle experience changed him forever. No more little dreamer for our Antony, the monster burrowing deep inside came out to play instead. It was all in those eyes and it wasn't leaving. Personally I the monster much better... it was who he was and it would always him. All I am guilty of is showing the ways in which a powerless man could come into power. The opportunity presented itself and I took it, what other human wouldn't do the same. It only worked because he accepted...he had a choice, he could have said no."

"You're the devil."

"I'm better than the devil. I actually give men freewill, I don't oppose to it. And I never claim to be anything I am not."

"Yes you do," Carla utters, "You play at all your games and tricks with the illusions. You make people believe your good. You made me believe it once."

"I let people believe what they want to believe!" Franks snaps, "Make no mistake, Caroline I never pretended to be good because I never was. If you want to perceive otherwise that's because you're inferior and can't read my mind. I can read yours, that's the difference! I'm superior to the average human being! Perhaps I am a god in my own right. I know my nature is to dominate with the power I have over your life and death," the knife tears at the fabric of Carla's dress now, "And they say everything was good once, even the devil was an angel at one time! But I am not and never was good! I'm everyone's worse nightmare...and that's what is truly power!"

"What you are is a vile piece of shit!"

Frank looked like a demon as he grasped her Carla's arm and tugged at her hair in an effort to silence her into submission. Hissing in her hair as he tugs at her wrists trying to create some of Antony's infamous chinese burns. Carla wondered if Antony had picked this method of abuse up from Frank as well as they hurt just much, enough to make Carla cry out in pain he continued, "Do you want to know how I did it, hmmm?"

"I don't fucking care about your fucking stories!" Carla shouts through sobs, "I don't care about your grandiose sense of self importance!"

"My wife," he finally whispers wickedly, "She was sleeping out on a chaise lounge...sedated actually, earlier by me that faithful day. I gave Antony a few drinks at the time, told him to loosen up. Men with power we're all entitled to indulge in a few things, here and there. Let me tell you, there is nothing like the first time, no other feeling compares to the first time you commit to power and take what is yours!"

"You let him rape your wife! You sick unimaginable bastard," Carla says glaring at him through tears, "YOU LET A BOY RAPE YOUR UNCONSCIOUS WIFE?!"

"It was all okay darling, my wife doesn't remember a thing...doesn't even know it happened. My precious Dianne-you remember the lovely Dianne don't you Caroline? You always stared so enviously at her photograph in my office back in day-And yes, I gave her as a gift to Antony as is my right by law as her husband! Women are subordinate to men, it the duty of a wife by law if not by church and everything else in this world to fulfil her husband's will."

Carla remembered the photograph in his office. She remembered being so envious of the beautiful blonde smiling back, thinking she had all the things in world. This was in a time when she thought the doctor had actually been a decent, considerate, understanding individual. When Carla discovered what a monster he was and when raped her, she remembered looking at the photograph and wondering, 'Did the blonde woman know what a monster her husband was. Did he brutalize her too?' Carla always thought bitterly, that the lady did not know and Frank did not harm her. But it turns out he had, and what was worse than being violated was being violated and having no clue it was going on or having any memory of it. It was biggest of betrayals as a wife to be assaulted as such under the watchful eye of a husband who was supposed to honor and protect her. And there Frank sat like a hypocrite spouting off shit about how he let 'people believe what they wanted to believe'. Know he did and they believed once he did those horrible things or tried in the same to conceal them. The truth was as he said it was in his sick world. Well it would seem now that Dianne never had a choice if he sedated her. And in the present moment, Carla felt sad the woman who had the gotten the curse of having to carry the burden of being Frank Foster wife. He had probably fooled her just like he fooled Carla and Antony and so Carla could not be so angry with her for letting her husband get away with his crimes. Dianne probably never had any clue as the extent of his depraved nature.

"That woman must curse the day she met you."

"On the contrary darling, she thanks her lucky stars. Women like her, if not all women are simple minded little creatures that don't live in the real world. You give them a few fancy trinkets here and there and they'll be happy. The thing is Caroline, I understand people more than they understand themselves. I know that in desperation people have an uncanny ability to turn to those whom they don't completely understand. That's the thing about the inequality of power; the weak ones in desperation seek out the one with the power, that individual who has and only has the power because he understands them all too well. Then they have the audacity to be surprised when their inherent weakness are used against them?" He laughed, "I don't think so! It's the same for Dianne and I, but frankly I've been bored of her for a long time."

"What, she's your little plaything? She does whatever you want? I thought you liked to control or maybe you finally realized that picking on the weak and defenseless doesn't make you a man at all and instead it makes you a coward!"

"Wrong again," mocks Frank, "Caroline, you must simply stop trying to think ahead the game. You're intelligent...for a woman, but not intelligent enough for my liking and it's embarrassing for the both of us. Now let me tell you how I feel about women, women most especially are like **_'tabula__ rasa'_**. They don't have any true nature like us men. Everything for your sort must be nurtured. _Tabula rasa.. a blank state...your a blank_ _state_ of nothingness in that mind of yours. You don't think, you're emptiness and men must mould you. With women, especially with you darling Caroline, I project all of my fantasies and wills onto you as though they are yours alone. I taught Antony to do the same, I have a sinking suspicion that even Liam Connor does the same because it's the nature men to behave this way. Naturally then, you can see after all these expectations of you to behave in a certain way, why us men tend to get a little agressive when you don't project all the things in which we want you to."

"I'm my own person," Carla sobs trying not focus on the knife or grip of his free hand upon her wrist which hold's her to him, "Liam lets me be my own person unlike Antony and unlike you!"

"You are not your own person," Frank whispers breathlessly as his hand drifts away from her wrists turning it's attention instead to the fabric of her dress. His voice is one of sick longing as says, "You're all mine. You belong to me...I have to possess you."

Shoving her down, he attempts to raise her dress but Carla kicks fighting violently. She will not have this man rape her, not again. She had an animalistic instinct to survive as Antoinette's voice once again came to help.

_**"You're not going to let him get you like that...this time your going to let the fear of him raping you, be the thing that saves...scream 'bloody murder'...don't stop screaming until there is nothing left...someone will hear you, just scream..."**_

Carla opened her mouth and taking a deep breath she screamed, "HELP! HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP!"

"Be quite," Frank snaps attempting to pull away at her underwear, "I'm just taking what's mine. It's only fair since I let Antony have my own wife back in the day that he then let me have his! YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE MINE, CAROLINE. YOU ARE MINE! I would have giving up Dianne, just to keep you. So stay still and stop acting like a little bitch! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!"

**_"...Are you going to him just speak to you like that?...kick him dammit, throw him off you...get to the door!"_**

Carla felt so weak with the baby kicking away inside of her draining out all the energy it was a miracle she had hung on so long. But she needed to fight. She wished she had went for the attack earlier when Frank was all calm in telling his sick stories. Managing to knee him just enough so she could throw herself at Antony's desk she reached for the first thing she could her hands on, a little snow globe before plummeting to the floor. That almost knocked the wind of of her in itself as Frank was upon her trying to pull her back to where he had her once before. Gripping the snow globe in her hand, Carla did not forget the use of her lungs or that she needed to get the door. Once at the door she could unlock it and get the much needed help which was necessary for Alasdair's sake as much as hers. However Carla glanced at her father in laws leg, unable to ignore the fact that it still wasn't moving nor that he wasn't making any noise or response to the fighting happening around him, "HELP! HELP HEEEE-LLLLL-PPPPP!" She raised the snow globe over his bended body in an attempt to smash it at his head. Frank moved aside just in time, leaving the globe free to fly across the study and smash against the bookcase. There went Carla's weapon, she would have to twist her body up and crawl against the current of his power. Carla clawed her finger nails into the floor, digging them deep Nothing would bring her back into the depths of his power, "HELP!"she cried and cried in desperation never expecting that anyone would answer back or find her.

"Carla?!"

She heard it, his voice, Liam voice coming slowly into focus. Carla could just pinch herself and hope she wasn't dreaming. This just all had to be a dream since it was too good to be true that Liam would have found her. But who was she kidding, Liam always found her; when she ran away to New York he found her, in Morocco he did the same and found her again. Didn't matter where she went and even whether she wanted to be found or not, but in this moment of wanting she was so glad. He had found he, Liam would always find Carla.

"LIAM!" Carla cries even more motivated to claw her fingernails against the floor not caring if she lost every single one of them, "LIAM!"

"CARLA!" he shouts back his voice is full of a mixture of relief and panic, "CARLA!"

She saw that he was jiggling at the door knob and she reach out her one hand in an attempt to somehow empower her mind and will it to just fly open. This was a big mistake, because with one hand not gripped to the carpet it allowed for Frank to easily gain control again and drag her back. Why couldn't he just let her go, he looked like a manic with the knife now tucked far from within Carla's reach. "LIAM, I'M IN HERE LIAM!" Frank now clasped his hand over her mouth attempting to muffle the screaming,""LIAM! FRANK FOSTER HAS ME. HE'S GOING TO—" he finally succeeded in cutting her off. But the fighting still continued.

"Hold on Carla," Liam shouts at the other side of the door, "I'm going to get you out of there!"

"Not before I kill him first," sneers Frank wrapping his hands around Carla's waste with an excessive amount of pressure, "I always win Caroline!"

Out of nowhere the room started ringing, vibrating with an extreme amount of intensity, Carla thought it was an earthquake. But it was instead the sound of Liam throwing himself into the door. This repeated for a few moments causing Frank to push Carla's head into the carpet yanking her about about like a doll applying pressure so that her cheek bruised in the floor and she could barely breathe with her nose pressed. What happened next was a jumble and a blur. Carla heard the sound of gunshots ringing through the room and bouncing off objects and then she heard a deafening thunderous sound of hacking before something just came crashing down. Perhaps everything was over and Frank had won, or Liam, or maybe nobody at all...

The next thing that clear to her was that Carla's eyes were not deceiving her at all. Liam was standing in front of her holding an axe as she felt the pressure of Frank holding her body to his.

"Let her go!" Liam's voice bombs his eyes are deadly staring down the doctor. He starts to step forward so he can get closer to Carla.

"I would stop right there if I were you," Frank sneered pulling Carla up against him as he uses one arm to hold her a head lock and the other pressing a knife which appeared seemingly out of nowhere holding it against her stomach.

Liam waved the axe threateningly but he was well aware of the direness to the situation. His eyes grew wide as he saw Frank's knife pressed up against Carla's pregnant belly. Carla was crying hysterically but kept Liam's eyes, trusting his silent promise in those few seconds in which their eyes met; that he would keep her safe, he would get her out of there and he would always protect her, "Let her go," repeats a second time more deadly than the last. He started stepping closer trying to gauge if he could safely underhand the doctor and save Carla.

"Liam-"

"No talking Caroline," hissed Frank keeping Carla in a headlock before addressing Liam and glaring at his foot movements, "Uh, uh, uh. No crossing the line, it's an invisible line so you would do best to stay where you are, lest I'm forced to do something you'll both regret later on."

"LET HER GO!"

"I wonder Liam," Frank says ignoring the command completely, "Do you think you'll be having a boy or girl? The belly is so big, I wonder what type of precious spawn is in there. Entertain this poor old doctor for a while with your predictions," he pressed the knife even closer into Carla tearing the fabric of her dress even more, "Come on entertain me with an answer."

"P-please j-just l-let m-me g-go," Carla whimpers concerned for the baby more than anything in the world. It's sensed danger in tiny space and she feel it's fear as it shifted aout inside of her trying to protect itself. Something it clearly sensed it's mother was unable to do, "Just let me go."

"I don't think so."

"Let her go!" shouts Liam staring at Carla in great fear for her safety. He look ready to lunge, but eyes were fixated on the blade against Carla's stomach.

"What did I say about crossing the invisible line?! Now answer me, Mr. Connor! Will it be a boy or girl?!"

"I don't know!"

"Not even willing to venture a guess? I'm shocked! You're lady love is in trouble! Precious little Connor baby is trouble too!"

"I won't bow down an entertain your games, you sick bastard! Now hand her over before I hack you to pieces!" Carla noticed that as Liam said this, his eyes drifted past her and Frank both onto another object in the room. His face seemed to show a genuine surprise in which he quickly hid before glancing back and making his demand once again, "I'm not going to ask you again, HAND CARLA OVER!"

"It's too bad I won't be asking my question again," Frank muses, "Shame actually about not guessing the sex of child," he quietly contemplates as Carla continues crying, "Because as fate would have it now you'll never know."

Carla didn't know how to describe it, the feeling of a sharp blade penetrating the flesh and tearing the insides up apart. At first she stood in shock as Frank staggered away from her, thinking she was free and able to run towards Liam's arms as he quickly dropped the axe and rushed forward. She didn't understand why he was crying and why her smiling happily at being free was short lived until that weird feeling took over her, that feeling she got when Antony almost succeed in drowning her. Slowly she brought her fingers up to the level of her eyes, just as Frank caught her grabbing Carla back and away from Liam's range so she wouldn't collapse to the ground.

Carla understood what Antoinette meant now in all extremities when she said that some men couldn't be bought or reasoned with. They just more interested in tearing things apart. Frank had tore up her insides, torn Liam from her, harmed her unborn baby... She blinked back and forth all across the room looking at blood on the tips of her fingers one last time, still in a daze, still wishing this was all just a horrible dream.

**_"What do you see right now?"_**

"I see blood," Carla whispers weakly to Antoinette, "I see lots of blood."

There were no more tricks and illusions left at the end. Carla felt for certain that both her and the baby were likely good as dead.


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter is rated M.**

* * *

"Liam…"

It had all come together like little segments or strange happens of someone else's mind. That's how horrible it had been to witness what had been done to Carla and to their baby. He didn't want to believe it; he'd rather think it something so strange, apart of a dream it couldn't possibly have ever happened. Why couldn't it be a dream… those few moments that had changed everything? Because the fact that people as evil as the doctor even existed on this earth was horrible to come to terms with as it was. Frank Foster had altered Liam's whole world with the switch of a blade, taking away the possibility of all the people who could exist in it. A few seconds…that's how long it took for the blade to cut through the fabric of Carla's dress, penetrate the skin and churn around her insides before reaching the surface again. And when he saw it again, it was drenched in blood…all Liam saw was blood and he wanted to kill the doctor and make him hurt in the most cruel of ways he could imagine. Giving way to any reason Liam raised the axe to come at him in a rage.

"You don't really think you're going to kill me with that, now do you?" Frank Foster swerves effortlessly out of the way, supporting Carla's punctured belly as he applied pressure to the wound with his hand.

Liam had been so caught up in the moment of anger he forgot they were not alone as his eyes drifted over Antony who had entered the study from behind just moments earlier. The study apparently had a secret passage from behind the bookcase and this is where Antony was going when Liam thought he had abandoned Carla in pursuit of the ballroom. How Bentley Wise could have missed this, Liam did not know but he had been strangely glad to see his enemy, something Liam thought he'd never say. Antony had held his index finger over his lips imploring Liam to be quite in his negotiations with the Doctor as he quietly grasped around for a weapon. Liam's heart had sunk in those moments before Frank had stabbed Carla, because he knew something Antony did not know; that Bentley Wise had already removed all pistols most especially the one Antony seemed intent on finding in the false cover…the book was no longer there. Still had taken too long because by time he grabbed for a candle stick Frank had already stabbed Carla and it seemed much too late, Liam regretted not acting on his own. He had trusted Antony and Antony had failed to take Frank by surprise on time to protect Carla.

"You might end up missing me and hacking your lady love to pieces instead. So I'd think more carefully before raising an axe to me Mr. Connor," Frank smirks gripping Carla even harder and maneuvering the knife out of view and keeping its movements ambiguous to Liam's eyes. This was worrisome but Liam quickly stole a look over Franks shoulder again glancing at his archenemy. They communicated silently as Liam lowered the axe to give an impression of concession and false security. Frank looked please, "Not going to kill me…that's what I thought."

"Nope," Liam finally musters his eyes darting between the state of an injured Carla and Antony wielding a candlestick in his grip.

"But I am!" Antony announces charging at Frank from behind and attempting to take the doctor from behind.

"FOOLISH!" Frank says infuriated barely missing the blow and in anger pressed Carla closer to him.

"…Liam."

"Aww," says Frank in a mocking tone gently stroking Carla's sweaty and matted hair with twisted affection before looking both men dead in the eye, "Come any closer," he warned now giving the impression of one pressing the knife even harder against Carla's back. His eyes roamed over the anatomy of her body, studying her limbs like she was some medical vessel, "All it takes is one twist here and a turn there…and then…" he mimicked the action of twisting and turning the blade into her back before cruelly leaving what details he considered best for last, "Precious little darling Caroline will be paralyzed from the waist down and then you kiss that sweet little baby goodbye as well. I will tear it out of her and I'll make her watch, IF YOU BOTH DON'T STAND STILL!"

"You're mad," whispered Liam just sickened by the sight of him and how he clung to Carla like she was a human shield. The doctor wasn't dumb he knew she was the only thing keeping both Liam and Antony from tearing him apart; the only card he had to play and he play it will.

"I'm a doctor," Frank winks gaining some composure and talking normally once again, "Trust me Mr. Connor, I know what I'm taking about…I know all the right parts in which to pierce and reach the spine…"

"Please…please…" Carla says weakly through states in and out of consciousness.

"Isn't that right Antony?" Frank says ignoring Carla's pleas completely and relishing in the anguish he was causing Liam, "Us doctors…we know just where to cut into, don't we? I could get the little bastard out for you now if you want... save some time. I know the thought of its very existence makes you ill."

"You know nothing about me," whispers Antony coolly, "I would never want to hurt a child, I never would hurt a baby—"

"—Let me guess," Frank laughs, "This is the part where tell me you're not horrible person? This will somehow lead into a sedge way about your precious little Giulia? Has she made you see the error of your ways?" His voice got dangerous again as he added, "Not likely Antony!"

"DON'T EVEN DARE MENTION MY DAUGHTERS NAME!" Antony snaps.

He practically flew off the handle in a rage with copious amounts of anger that even Liam was genuinely taken aback by. What could have cause this sort of anger? It was almost to the level of deepest despair and suddenly Liam's mind flickered back to the fight earlier on the stairs over Giulia's diary.

Carla was still crying through this all, "Please...please don't hurt me..."

"Oh please," Frank whispers still stroking Carla's head of hair perversely, "If you're worried about precious little Giulia's virginity Antony, I can assure you I wasn't the first one to have a go at that little whore. She's just like her mother in that regard…sneaking around with a Dean and giving it up to him rather quickly too. Although it was more than a few sordid kisses shared between Giulia and her future brother in law and the setting much more romantic than a stairwell in some hotel in Cairo," he winked at Liam referencing Trevor and Carla, "But I am sure you already knew this…her diary mus havet giving you details complete with fluttering hearts and everything… Julian does seem like quite the gentleman—"

"—SHUT UP! YOU FUCKING SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!" screams Antony his bulging at Franks taunts.

"Aww, what?" says Frank in a singsong voice, "Does it break your heart? Does it break your heart to know that precious little Giulia got everything she deserved? That she wasn't so innocent after all? What were you expecting… she's just like her mother…just not as good," Carla was shaking trying to fight Antony with whatever energy she had left but Frank clung to her by the shoulders rather strongly.

"Please! NOOO!" Carla cried as Antony kissed her hair. Liam was disgusted, he needed to do something, he could not let the deranged doctor kill his Carla.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU!" Antony said glancing over his wife before staring Frank back in the eye.

"So many sluts, so little time yet so many notches on my belt, " he ignores Antony's threats still caressing Carla's hair. He was relishing, rubbing it in their faces that he held all the cards. Continuing on he said, " And your Giulia...she really put up a fight…made it the most memorable that I've had in years… crying her eyes out like a baby…acting like she didn't want it… almost ruined the moment...because we all know these women secretly want it. I must tell you now Antony, I prefer them brats much better when they're not making any noise, much like you do…we always had such similar tastes in that regard with women… the lifeless seem to suit us most."

Liam looked back and forth between the men. Whereas most of the interaction had Antony fuming at what Liam could confirm was a rape, the last part about lifelessness really seemed to strike a nerve in him and change Antony's demeanor completely. He looked pale like a ghost. Still Liam's main concern was for Carla and baby whom Frank was taunting with stabbing again as he removed the knife from her back and placed it over her belly once more.

"Look," Liam said not caring what unspoken history was going on between the two men, "Just give Carla over and no one gets hurt."

Frank did not look at him, his face was still stuck in a permanent smirk on Antony and his pale complexion. It was clear he knew something about Antony that no one else knew and it was something Antony did not want to think about, "When are you going to figure it out Liam? Antony clearly has…although he has been a clever boy when it comes to these things," Liam watched as Antony slowly lowered the candle stick to his side in a trance. The defensive stance was broken immediately and Liam did not like that.

"What are you doing Antony?"

"Oh Liam," mocks Frank, "I hold all the cards…always have done. When are you going to figure it out that I control what happens here tonight, like I have done in this Palace for so many, many wonderful and glorious years. I will always be one step ahead of all of you because I am the true master of the game. Even the great Alasdair Gordon never figured it out but that's just one more way his son is truly greater than him. Our Antony has only now just figured this out. And you see how that can be quite a shock for someone who prides himself on being in control. His vanity has been wounded and so he stands still like a helpless puppy."

"I don't understand and I don't care about the sick games you two play with one another. Just give me Carla," says Liam raising the axe once more, "I fucking want Carla. GIVE ME CARLA!"

"And I want to tell a story," whispers Frank slowly backing away and clutching Carla with him. It caused Liam to gasp momentarily because Carla gave out weak moans of pain whilst Frank used one hand to press against her stomach. Liam noticed her breathing was becoming shallow, "Don't worry Liam," Frank said relishing in Liam's concern. It was a moment that truly highlighted his deranged and sociopathic tendencies as he said it in something likened to a loving whisper, "She's still alive…I didn't cut deep enough to harm lovely Caroline too drastically. The baby however…that remains to be seeing." Frank stroked her hair, sinking his fingers through the strands deeper with his blood stained hands. It was clear to Liam that Carla was losing a great deal of blood and it needed to be stopped. Frank had no intention of stopping it; his main target had probably been the baby all a long. It made Liam disgusted beyond belief. He would kill this man and not stop until his head was bashed in like the psycho deserved.

"Nooo!" Carla continued crying she seemed to be delirious asking what was going on and what was happening to her, "Nooo...not my baby...Liam...not the baby..."

Frank was stone cold as he said in an almost nonchalant tone, " I don't need her to be dead really but you do...Liam I will pin it all on you...I have the whole story planned out already. If I can't have have Caroline then no one will. For now, I won't hurt her anymore, if you both don't do anything stupid. The wound will keep Carla conscious, but only just…only as long as I see fit."

This man was truly deranged if he thought he would murder Carla in spite and pin it all on Liam. Even Antony seemed a bit shocked in his pale like state that still rendered him speechless. Liam would not let Frank win, "I will not let you harm my child anymore than you have" Liam then asked, "So what the fuck do you want? What do I have to do to get Carla away from you and alive?" he felt sick even having to lower himself to negotiation with this monster who had stabbed Carla and was putting the baby's life in danger.

"That's a good question," Frank muses propping Carla against his chest in feigned intimacy, "What do I want? Well Liam, that is never a simple question to ask a man. You can give a man everything they want, mentor them, help them out and it still wouldn't be enough," he glanced at Antony as he said this, "You could give them all there hearts desire and they still kick around like a petulant child. They can be messy, reckless, stray from you...they sometimes forget who they are, isn't that right Antony?"

"Shut the fuck up!" Antony glared seeming to remember things he didn't want to remember. He looked pissed that Frank was bringing things up and Liam was a bit surprised that Antony, the creator of messing up peoples memories and lives had memories he wanted to run from as well.

"I don't know if you know this...but Antony and I have a very little unique history," Frank says ignoring Antony and focusing on Liam as he continued to stroke Carla's hair in a delicate fashion, just rubbing it in that he held all the cards, "It's an interesting story with very telling beginnings. But it didn't really get off the ground until things started kicking around with fine lady here," Frank gestures to a weak and paling Carla. Slowly he brought a cloth from the inside of his jacket and pressed it against the wound to steady the blood, "Well actually it had earlier beginnings, didn't it Antony?"

"What are you on about?" Antony glares finally finding his voice after so much silence. He was swallowing back big lumps in his throat.

"Liam, don't you know that the best stories always revolve around the love of a beautiful woman? Antony and I have only been so fortunate as to have shared two in our lifetime."

"You're insane," says Antony his eyes darting between the doctors Carla. Liam could see his hard but haughty features displayed genuine concern for her well being.

"Dianne was the first," Frank ignores Antony focusing on Liam as he plays with the knife gliding it along the cloth of Carla's dress, "Remember how we used to shared her Antony? History always repeats itself... I think it shall make an interesting story for Liam."

"What makes you think I care about your stories!" Liam finally snapped because he truly did not give a single fuck about the doctors and Antony's past.

"It's already been established that you better care. I am going to likely gut your baby by the end of this whole ordeal, so you better thank your lucky stars if I manage to carry out the story for as long as humanely possible. You best watch the tone you take with me Mr. Connor, I don't take kindly to attitude."

"You think I'm afraid of you?"

"I know you're not…but the I'm your baby's worst nightmare and poor Caroline's too!"

"I already know what your going to say," whispers Antony, "But you're wrong about Dianne. I never loved her."

"See Liam," says Frank bringing Liam an unwilling party back into the conversation, "The story varies depending on who you ask…it's been so long ago but it feels like yesterday doesn't it Antony?"

"Shut the fuck up—"

"No I don't think so, this story is one that needs to be told. How is Liam going to understand the situation we find ourselves in if he doesn't get all the details? You see Antony and I are alike so many ways, Liam. We both have the propensity to be drawn in by the damaged sorts. I saw so much of dear Antony in myself when he was younger…so much potential to be great and take the things he wanted. But you know how things can get with the mentor 'slash' student relationship…people tend to get jealous of the rising stars and have to keep to them down just a bit. I had to reign Antony in when he was getting to be a bit full of himself. Do you remember Antony, do you remember my lovely wife?"

Liam was beginning to deduce where this story was heading and he couldn't be more disgusted. He couldn't help but give the doctor the attention he wanted whilst trying to rake his head and figure out just how to attack Frank without harming Carla and the baby. He decided he would let the story go on for a little while and make the egotistical Frank Foster think he was playing by his rules. All the while his eyes took in his surroundings trying to learn them so he could overpower Frank in the end. He spotted a sight that was quite unsettling. A leg was sticking out from behind Antony's desk. The pant stained with bits of blood, someone else was in here, but who? Regaining his voice Liam forced himself to look back at Frank and ask, "So what your saying is that Antony and you shared your wife?"

"Much in the similar fashion that you and Antony shared Carla…yes," Frank winks, "Dianne…she was very complicated in those days…very beautiful a lot like our Caroline in that department. And she could also be really selfish and not so nice, do you remember Antony?"

"If recall correctly she was usually unconscious from the amount of drugs you put in her to make go under," Antony replied scathingly, "I could hardly be a good judge of her character."

"But you had an idea of what she was like in your head, didn't you? Weren't my stories good proof enough? The girl who wanted to be chased so why not chase her... I mean that's what made you go in pursuit of Caroline? Had to convince your father of it and everything, didn't you?"

"Get to the point!" Liam said impatiently.

"Long story short then," Frank grins, "Antony used to something of a wimp back in the early years. He cared so much what his father thought about him...sad really. I took pity I taught the wimp called 'little Tony' how to act like a man. I taught him the importance of power, to own his manhood!"

"By letting him rape your wife? You have some strange conception of what means to be a man! You're scum—"

"—I don't know how many times I have say it, but once my Dianne become legally my property regardless of law in marriage I saw her as something that existed solely for my amusement. All women exist for my amusement because that is what is normal to me. I don't care about feelings, they have none, they are not capable of what men are. They are blank states and they whatever I want them to be! Caroline will be whatever I want her to be and I'll do with her whatever I want. I have always done so with Caroline and will continue to do so. He looked so deranged before continuing, "And then one day power like what I had just wasn't enough for Antony. He felt so dead inside...until he saw Caroline, MY CAROLINE! He told me she me how she made him feel alive inside...And then Alasdair got ideas in his head about making her into Antoinette...the rest was history. Our Caroline was nothing but a puppet for all three mens amusement so you're wrong Liam, women are just for our amusement." Carla was crying more and more, screaming more and more at Frank's words as he adjusted the knife digging it close into her arm before making another slash this time along her arm. Carla staggered as the blood dripped down her arm and Frank couldn't have looked more satisfied with what he was doing to her. Examining the blood along the blade he smiled holding Liam's eye as he uttered, "Clean cut."

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU GIVE HER OVER NOW!"

"Don't!" cried Carla, "Please don't I'll do anything you want..."

It broke Liam's heart to see her like this, having to beg for mercy from the soulless bastard.

"Just let her go," Antony whispered, "You don't have to do this..."

"Sure I do," Frank smirks, "It's what I do... I killed the maid for you back in 1910...Mary and Libby the stupid servants...it's my nature to kill these vile little creatures...and I can see Liam raising the axe again so I might as well carve Caroline up. It's obvious neither of you are going to listen..."

Carla was shaking hysterically crying, "Liam..."

"Carla..."

"Shhh," Frank whispered gripping Carla by the stomach and putting his lips to her neck and check before settling on her ear lovingly in his own mind at least, "It's okay Caroline...at least you listened to me. But it's never enough for these men. It was never enough for Antony, power. He felt so dead inside Caroline, that's what he told me until the day he saw you...but you were mine Caroline, you will always be mine." Liam was very afraid then. He could not risk it anymore. Lounging at the doctor he attempted to take him down to the floor and the tackle the knife from his hand but it was all too late. He heard the scream as Frank Foster uttered those horribly sick words, "Unfortunately there is only so much rejection a man can take and I am so over that baby just like I am now so over you..."

Carla started slumping and gurgling as Frank held onto her taking her body down with his slowly to the floor. Liam and Antony stood in utter shocked. Frank had actually done it, they would have never thought he would have actually done it...

Liam went at him like an animal putting his hands around his neck intent on crushing every bone until the doctor was no longer living and life left his eyes like they had left Carla's when she closed her eyes and he had killed. Liam would kill him but it would never enough, never describe enough the pain he felt as he glanced over at Carla, in the struggle and saw she would not open her eyes. Antony could only try, he was trying to revive her but it was like temping fate to think she could have actually survived. No one could survive that...not even his Carla as strong as she had been all her life. It filled Liam with such rage and he started to bash Frank Foster's head in, tearing him apart as he clawed at the mans eyes and tried to reach hold of the axe to finish the job.


End file.
